(no subject)
It took one day to regret.
Two days to start worrying.
Three days, to realize he’d done the biggest mistake in his life.
Five days to know that Hyukjae wouldn’t come back to him ever.
And eight days to break down.
Donghae loved Hyukjae more than anything else in the world, and he knew that he couldn’t be parted from the elder. At the same time, he just couldn’t forget and forgive about his lover’s time together with Siwon. He would have divorced and left Hyukjae at the very beginning if he still didn’t feel enormous love for the other. And that was what made everything so confusing; he couldn’t forgive him for what he had done, but he also couldn’t stop loving him nor let go. He simply lived with the person he was meant to be with, becoming a horrible husband over time and treating Hyukjae as if he was something dirty.
Donghae stared at the empty spot on the bed where Hyukjae usually slept, letting his right hand stroke over the pillow. For years he’s always woken up to that peaceful sleepy face, but now he hadn’t seen it for over a week.
Hyukjae hadn’t come back to get anything, and embarrassing as it was, Donghae didn’t even have the other’s phone number. Because of their childish bickering, they both got new ones and purposefully avoided exchanging numbers.
He had tried asking Sungmin, but the latter didn’t know where Hyukjae had gone to either. Sungmin had only been told that Hyukjae was going away for a while because of his fight with Donghae, but nothing about where and for how long.
During the night at Sungmin’s place, Donghae had woken up because of something burrowed into his chest. As he opened his eyes, Hyukjae was pressing his face into his chest and his arms wrapped were around Donghae’s body in a hug. They had never shared any hugs or loving kisses since Donghae had caught Hyukjae with Siwon, and that’s where their hating relationship began. The fact that he was angry at Hyukjae wasn’t weird, but what he couldn’t get was why the other was reciprocating his anger. Was it because Donghae didn’t take good enough care of him that Hyukjae grew tired of him? Why did Hyukjae even stay in this marriage, then? Maybe he’s scared to oppose our parents.
Donghae let out a shaky sigh. What he knew for sure was that when he woke up to have Hyukjae that close to him, he felt the same happiness he had done during their dating period in high school. He knew he still loved and cherished his husband so much.
Why did he have to be an idiot and not tell Hyukjae how he felt, even though the other had done such a mistake?
His eyes traveled around the room and stopped at Hyukjae’s nightstand. Could it be possible that he had written down anything that would lead him to Hyukjae? Place, address, phone number, anything.
Donghae was getting desperate so he felt like he didn’t have much of a choice. He slowly rose from his lying position and crawled to the other side of the bed to reach for the drawer. Slight guilt struck him for invading Hyukjae’s privacy, but if there was anything he could find to help him get in contact with his husband, he didn’t really care about being rude.
Papers, notebooks, a couple of pencils with different colors and other small things were neatly organized inside the drawer, and he smiled knowing Hyukjae’s “cleaning disease”. Most of the papers were just important documents from his doctor or work, nothing that could help him. He took out the notebook and carefully turned the pages.
He knew from glancing at the entries that Hyukjae probably didn’t write his number there, because it looked pretty much like a diary; but he couldn’t tear his eyes away when he saw his name occur in several sentences on each page.
"Did he write this before we got married?"
He couldn’t help but slowly let his eyes travel across the lines, starting to read the written entries.
´´
17/10
Today Donghae was looking really handsome. He said he was going out, but didn’t tell me where to. It was lonely not having his presence in the house, even though all we do is to sit in separated rooms and yell at each other. What if he’s found someone he actually loves and wants to get a divorce? Maybe if that makes him happy, then we just ought to do so…I can’t be selfish.
´´
20/10
It was just plain sex like usual. But today Donghae actually gave me a kiss. I know he didn’t put any feelings into it - just to make me distracted and run to steal the bathroom - but I still felt my whole body trembling and heart beating so fast. He barely ever kisses me anymore, and when he does it feels empty. But I only have myself to blame. I also ruined his nicest outfit.
I’m sorry, Donghae…
´´
22/10
Sungmin forced me and Donghae to sleep at his place. Donghae got angry with me again. I guess I only do stuff that pisses him off these days, though I can understand why. I’m sorry for burdening you. But I couldn’t be happier, because I was able to sleep so close to him again, even if only for one night. It made me remember just how much I love him. Thank you, Sungmin.
Donghae browsed through a dozen pages before his eyes stopped one again at a date from four months ago.
´´
13/6
What I did was wrong and I know that I deserve all the hate he gives me, but before that I just want him to know that I love him so much, and I want him to trust me. But I guess he trusted me already before I was so reckless. I almost thought we were perfect together because everyone told us, but I assume I was fooled. I'm not good enough for Donghae.
Donghae closed the book carefully and stared at its cover for a long time. The episodes described in the book were also still fresh memories in his own head.
How can they both still love each other yet act like enemies? Why hadn’t anyone noticed? None of them.
Hyukjae still loves him.
A slip of paper fell out from the book and Donghae picked it up, being met by a familiar photo from their wedding day.
It was a situation when the creepy feeling of not knowing whether to laugh or cry, but Donghae ended up doing both, a croaky chuckle left his lips as tears prevented him from seeing clearly any longer. The grip of the blank photo tightened as he lifted it closer for further inspections.
They both were sitting close to each other on the wooden bench -- where the two of them had first met -- appareled in fine, neat tuxedos whereof one of them having a smear of whipped cream on the left sleeve. Grinning, Donghae had his head turned to the camera's direction, but his eyes were attached to the male next to him, who was wearing an even bigger smile. Donghae chuckled as he recalled how annoyed the photographer became when Hyukjae refused to look into the camera for even one shot, since he wanted to look at his newly wedded husband for each and every photo.
He couldn't believe that was just half a year ago. It felt as if eternities had passed since that time. The moments when they were happy with each other. Everything happened so quickly, and their so-called hatred made the beautiful moments fade.
At first, Donghae believed that meeting Hyukjae and marrying him was because of fate.
Normally, Donghae would have handed it in to the police immediately after finding it, but since the lost cell phone in his hand all of a sudden had started ringing, display screening the word "home", he thought he couldn't just ignore it. He chuckled lightly at the person over the line - it sounded like a young boy - since he was blabbering words of concern and a lot of "thank you"s when explaining he'd lost the phone on his walk. Since Donghae hadn't gone far from the park where he had found the lost item, the owner of the device told him to wait there while he'd run over there and have it back. Donghae didn't think it would be any harm to just do so, since it had been someone young speaking, and just waited at one of the benches and enjoying the afternoon sun. He even laughed after noticing the phone's wallpaper was of a basket filled with small kittens and wondering if it really was a guy who owned the phone.
Hyukjae had so many smiles even the first time they met, that Donghae wondered if he ever got tired. But that was the first thing he started to like about Hyukjae, his cheery attitude. It almost felt as if he could hear Hyukjae's laughter still.
Then Donghae came to an abrupt stop as a gust of wind messed his hair and chilled his skin. He had barely registered walking out the door, but his surroundings of natured proved it, and he found everything mostly familiar.
Then he heard the shy laughter again.
Donghae turned and twisted, until he saw Hyukjae sitting on that bench. Their bench. His body felt as if it was on fire when he saw that his husband wasn’t sitting alone, but also the Choi Siwon was sitting right next to him. The tall man had his arm positioned behind the older male’s back and gave it a soft pat every now and then.
There was no time for thinking before Donghae made his way towards the sitting couple. Hyukjae looked too happy for his liking, and it hurt Donghae. Hyukjae had noticed someone storming towards them and so did Siwon. They both stood up and could see the anger the way Donghae was walking towards them. The brunette raised his fist, prepared to hit Siwon with all of his power, but was stopped by Hyukjae pouncing on him and held his arm back.
“Stop it! Just hear me out before doing something stupid!” Hyukjae panicked a bit, still with a hint of anger as Donghae tried to move him out of the way and have his way with Siwon. He was way too angry at Siwon at the moment to actually think about Hyukjae.
“The fuck?! So you actually do love him, don’t you?” Donghae nearly shouted in his husband's face, all the written words from the diary he had read within the hour had disappeared somewhere else as the anger had taken over. “You ran straight to him?” he snarled and pointed a finger at Siwon.
"No! It's because I want--" Hyukjae tried to explain but was cut off.
"Then why are you here, right here?!" Donghae used his whole arm to gesture towards the bench, hoping that Hyukjae got the clue that it was a special place for just them. "Answer--"
“Why the hell don’t you ever listen to me?!” Hyukjae screamed at the top of his lungs which shocked both Siwon and Donghae. The redhead continued in a lower but still upset tone. “That’s why things goes even more wrong, because you have such a damn hard time listening to me!”
Hyukjae was on the verge of crying but he held the tears back and tried to stay composed. He saw all the mixed emotions swirling around in his husband's eyes, and most dominant was the sadness in them
“Tell me then. Tell me how all this can be a misunderstanding,” Donghae spoke darkly, fisting his palms.
“I came to meet Siwon today because I wanted him to help me with the explanation. What happened that day wasn’t because I love Siwon. It was because I loved you,” Hyukjae bit his lips as he stared pleadingly at Donghae.
“You know that doesn’t make any damn sense at all!”
“I know. But--“
“I’m really sorry Donghae hyung,” Siwon cut off Hyukjae and bowed towards the brunette. “I’m the one who forced myself on Hyukjae.”
Donghae just raised a brow and waited for further explanation.
“During our high school years I had feelings for Hyuk, and--”
“It’s Hyukjae to you,” Donghae said coldly, and Siwon dropped his eyes apologetically.
“Yes. I really loved him back then, and after you two finally got married, I kind of snapped. I don’t want to make it as an excuse, but I got drunk and that’s when I came to Hyukjae. I had stolen the necklace he had been given from you, and seeing how desperate he was to find it, I used him. I’m sincerely sorry for causing the both of you pain. I was just immature and madly in love.” Siwon made another deep bow in hope for forgiveness. “But I never went as far to have sex with him.”
“How could I trust you didn’t?“ Donghae seemed to get mad again hearing about it.
“Let him finish!” Hyukjae hissed harshly, but his face still wore a desperate expression.
"I know I acted badly, but I wouldn't let myself...rape, Hyukjae. He actually punched me and that's when I realized how many things I was doing wrong. Yes I've been a total asshole, and if you'd feel better to punch me in the face then go ahead. I sincerely want the two of you to be together again,"
"Why haven't this come out before?" Donghae asked quietly.
“I never realized I’ve caused the two of you this kind of misery. I’m so sorry,” True guilt glittered in Siwon's eyes before he bowed yet another time.
“Thank you, Siwon,” Hyukjae muttered. “I think you can leave now.” Siwon straightened himself and looked at the other two hesitantly, but Hyukjae gave him a weak smile to assure him that everything was okay.
Hyukjae waited for Donghae to say something, and finally after a few minutes, Donghae took in a deep breath and turned to his husband.
“You gave away yourself for a fucking necklace?” He hissed coldly, not knowing if he should be angry or not, but that was one of the dominating emotions at the moment.
“We never did it the whole way” Hyukjae argued back softly. "That's not giving myself away."
"You know what I mean," The red-haired male shivered because all anger in Donghae's voice was gone. There was only sadness and disappointment in it. "The hell, why would you even care about that necklace anyway? Is it worth more than me, or even you?"
Even though he felt scared, Hyukjae still reached out his hand to brush his finger's against the other's skin, before pulling at it slowly, guiding them over to sit. Donghae glanced up at Hyukjae quickly and caught a hesitant smile on his lips.
They sat down, and for both it felt weird to sit so close together again.
“You remember when you told me about your father, right?” Hyukjae started after a few moments of silence, sounding a bit insecure about bringing that topic up.
“So what?” Donghae shrugged and started fiddling with his fingers.
“The night you came to me and talked about him, you were crying for hours." He stopped to take a few breaths, and Donghae realized that this was almost as hard for Hyukjae to talk about it as it is for himself. Donghae nudged the elder's arm to get his attention, and their eyes locked. Both pair were equally filled with tears, and so Hyukjae continued while still looking at his husband.
"During that time, the necklace was squeezed in your fist... I-I know it’s very important to you.” His voice became weak and at one point he started crying at the memory. “I was so happy when you let me wear it, because I knew it was of high value to you. I c-couldn’t let him bre-eak it.” The man palmed his face to hide the crying and hard sobbing, but Donghae tenderly pried them away and made them have eye-contact again. Donghae barely knew when the last time they had exchanged these kinds of gazes. It felt unbelievable to be able to do it again.
“Hyuk…” The mentioned man nodded, feeling happy that Donghae was calling him by his nickname again. “Baby…” His fingers stroke away the tears from the other’s reddening cheeks, and leaned closer until their lips almost touched. “I cherish you more than anything in this world, even more than that necklace. Because I love you.”
Hyukjae was shocked by those stunning words, and he totally froze when he felt the pressure of Donghae’s lips against his own. How he had wished for this to return. He had missed it so much. Donghae smiled with relief when he felt Hyukjae’s arms encircle his neck, and he let his own hands slide down to Hyukjae’s slim waist. Everything felt so perfect again.
"T-this means that you believe me?" Hyukjae questioned as he dried of some lingering tears on his face while holding on tightly to the one he loves.
"I do..." Donghae whispered. "I've done so many things wrong to you as well, I'm sorry."
Once again, Donghae leaned in slowly to gently kiss Hyukjae's lips.
“You are so stupid…” he spoke against Hyukjae’s lips. “Me too... I've been a such a bad husband,"
"We have to change this Donghae..." Hyukjae sighed. "If we lack the ability to speak and listen to each other, then this is going to happen again,"
"I know... but for now, just sit with me okay?"
Donghae gathered Hyukjae's frame in his arms and hugged him tightly as if he was holding on to the other for his dear life. Hyukjae smiled and hugged Donghae back and found back to the one place he could relax -- in Donghae's arms.
---
“I promise to pay back for your clothes I ruined.” Hyukjae sneaked his hand into Donghae’s as they walked back to their house, and now feeling stupid and guilty for acting like he had done towards his husband.
“Hmm… I really liked those clothes you know.”
They had already reached their door and stepped inside together - for the first time in four months.
“I’m really, really sorry Hae,” Hyukjae pouted and held Donghae’s hand in both of his. “I’ll find similar ones somewhere!”
“I know a better way for you to repay me.” Donghae smirked and then attached his lips on Hyukjae’s inviting neck.
“Yah!” Donghae was pushed away. “You said you didn’t want sex as a repay. And I don’t want to look as a slut…” It took Donghae a few seconds before realizing what Hyukjae meant, and he felt a wave of guilt being flushed over him as well.
“I’m sorry Hyuk.” Donghae's arms brought Hyukjae’s waist closer to him. “I didn’t mean those things.” He let out a sigh and kissed Hyukjae’s soft red hair. “God, how could we be so fucking stupid? I should have listened to you. You have no idea how sorry I am.” He continued leaving kissed on Hyukjae’s hair and forehead.
“I’m so sorry too. I probably would have managed convincing you about the truth earlier if I just tried more. But I shouldn't even have let this happen at all from the start,"
“It’s okay. Now we both know, and we’re going to be fine from here on. I promise to listen to you if you have anything to say, and if I don't, I allow you to punch me,” Hyukjae smiled widely so his gums were clearly showing, and leaned in for a short kiss.
“Well then… Reunion sex?”
“For God's sake, Hae!” The redhead slapped his palm on the other’s chest. “You should be the slut since you’re always asking for it! Why are you so eager for it all of a sudden?”
“Because I miss having sex with you while knowing that you know that I love you.” He left another quick kiss on Hyukjae’s lips. “It’s hard to pretend that I don’t enjoy you in bed.”
Hyukjae pried Donghae’s arms away and stalked towards their bed room, and the brunette followed with a smirk plastered to his face - believing that the other agreed to his proposal.
“B-but Hyuuuuk!” His face dropped to a sad expression as he saw his husband crawling onto the bed and pulling the covers over his body.
Hyukjae felt the heavy pressure from Donghae’s body on top of his just seconds later, and the cover slid off his face.
“I don’t want to have sex with you. Go away.”
“Then make love with me.”
Hyukjae became silent and immediately turned around to back-face his husband instead so the upcoming blush wouldn't be visible. Though Donghae sneakily managed to roll Hyukjae over to lie on his back against the mattress once more and hovered lightly over the slender body. Hyukjae's eyes softened as Donghae drew soft lines with the top of his finger's along Hyukjae's jawline. The man beneath smiled weakly before raising himself a little to print a slow, sweet kiss on the other's lips, which Donghae knew meant a 'yes'.
- THE END
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A/N: Firstly, I want to thank salsaverde@aff for beta-reading, giving great feedback and helping with improving his story and without her I probably still would be stuck at my writer's block and this story would be even shittier than it is lol. BIG APPLAUSE TO HER! *claps* thank you dearest~
Many here probably waited for the real smut. lol
Reason one for not writing it: I thought the ending kinda fitted like that without putting in any sex.
Reason two: I can't write proper smut.
Reason three: I just noticed I don’t even like writing smut
Please leave comments? I've worked really hard to get this finished, and if you don't have anything good to say, tell me at least what could be improved then ok? I’m already aware of that it’s not good OTL but I'm surprised that there were so many who subscribed to this! Thank you hons!
And sorry for not having to answer all of your comments T T Thank you so much everyone for your sweet support <3
PS// Question: Is it good or bad to see almost everything only from Hyukjae's point of view? Like not getting to see much from Donghae's point so everyone thinks that Hyuk is the only one suffering..