I'm still "working" it feels like i've been here for 15 hours because im not doing ANYTHING! and it's so lame. I just longboarded around the lodge on my new board. that was kinda neat, okay, that's it. i'm leaving early. i good you a bid night ( Read more... )

I think it's been two years sense I've even been remotely interested in posting anything on here, then for some random reason i had an urge... now i dont know what to say. Finally went to New Zealand. Now I'm back. I was excited....now I just want to leave again. Life took a suden turn and now I'm no longer interested in what Bend has to offer for ( Read more... )

I had the most horrible nightmare last night. I was being chased by 15 men or so who all wanted to kill me. and they came so close at every house I was at. no one would help me either if course... and you know in dreams you usually wake up before you die? In the end I got shot by all of them at once. and I came out of my body and and was looking at ( Read more... )

yeah, i disappoint myself. you know the christmas story? the movie that plays on tv for 24 hours? remember the part where he's trying to tell santa what he was for christmas? and santa pushes him down the slide by pushing ralphy's head with his boot. i kinda feel like that. hahaha. so close, but then got shoved down to the bottom. that's not emo, ( Read more... )

*edit* note to self: quit getting drunk, having fun then going home and getting pissed at some random thought ( Read more... )

it will all be okay. i hope. i haven't cried this much in a long time. but things arent as bad as they seem. i dont think he had any idea how many people would miss him. i still can't handle walking past his room, or driving by his house, or when other people start crying. but it will be okay. ive been keeping busy and being productive. i've had a ( Read more... )

i sit in the winery a lot and play with the kittens. i don't even really like kittens. i did get to take my bosses car into town to get everybody here pizza for lunch and i met a cute boy outside the pizza shop. he actually introduced himself to me and shook my hand. that was neat. i'll proly never see him again, but thats not the point. went to ( Read more... )

i hate when i wake up depressed. because i really dont know why i am. dreams can suck sometimes. the more i try to push it out of my mind, the more it invades and takes over every other thought.

im stressed about things that happened so long ago. STOP!!!!!!!!!!! OWWWWCH. it makes my head hurt and i kinda wanna vommit. more than anything it brings me back to not "being good enough." story of my life. haha. i got hit in the face a bunch last night and my nose is fully of dried blood. its kinda gross... but i kinda like feeling that i can get ( Read more... )

I feel like i've changed myself while being away. and now im back and have to deal with everyday things that i hadn't for those two or so months. you know, i know people can be selfish, but i would have never thought they would go out of their way to say shitty things about me. i could understand if i actually did something to these people, but i ( Read more... )