In your heart (chapter 5)
Title: In your heart
Author: MatsuAurore
Beta: Andreja1989 As always, thank you so much <3
Pairings: Ohmiya, Yama
Genre: Au, fantasy, drama, romance, angst
Rating: PG-13 for this chapter
Disclaimer: I don't own them, luckily for them xD
Summary: Two pasts, two painful stories. They are the same but yet so different. Nino, a big arrogant idol and Ohno a kind and shy amazing dancer. They live their lives but when Ohno meets the younger, the sleepy man will discover Nino’s dark past that the idol wanted to forget. One day Nino gets stuck in Ohno’s mind and he discovers that maybe the dancer is the only person who can really understand his pain. Maybe Ohno’s eternal sleepy smile hides a dark secret.
Chapter 5: Their trust
After this moment at the beach, the two friends became closer as if the wall of silence had been erased for a new trust. The younger learned more about Ohno's life even if the sleepy man didn't like to speak of it. In fact, when Nino thought about it, he said to himself he didn't really know a lot of things about Ohno's actual life. He never saw him worked and Ohno didn’t seem to have many friends apart from Jun and Masaki. Nino wanted to ask him more questions but there always was this bubble of secrets around Ohno.
"Oh-chan?" Nino asked one day while the older drew. Ohno hummed as answer. "Do you have a job, since I'm in your mind, I've never saw you work."
"I... I don't want to speak about this subject." Ohno replied coldly and Nino gave up. The older wasn't ready. He knew Ohno hid an important part of his life but when he tried to make him speak, the older never responded or tried to speak about something else.
Ohno felt guilty to ignore Nino's wish to know more about his past but he couldn't, he wasn't ready. After all, Ohno always thought it was his fault for Sho’s death that day and in addition, another person had lost someone in this accident. Guilty was eating him, he lived through the nightmares, tried to forget his old life but there always was something which made him remember his pain, as if Kami-sama thought Ohno didn't deserve a happy life. Satoshi shook his head; he couldn't think too much, Nino was able to feel his pain and his worries... Sighing, Ohno looked in his fridge to find some food.
"I want hamburger today!" Nino exclaimed.
"I prefer curry!" Ohno replied.
Sometimes, Nino was very boring with all his demands and patient, (or rather submissive), Ohno accepted all the wishes of this fucking arrogant brat, groaning against him but deep inside, feeling tenderness towards the young idol. Since they started to know each other, Ohno felt new feelings for Nino. He didn't know why, but now, he needed Kazunari's voice, Kazu's whines, Kazu's laughs or teases. The idol was a part of him, a part of his heart and Satoshi was afraid how his heart beat faster at the sound of Nino's voice. He knew it was wrong, nothing could happen between them but he couldn't help it, his feelings were stronger than his reason.
"You eat curry every day, I'm fed up, I want a hamburger!" Nino moaned childishly.
"But we ate hamburger last week." Ohno protested but a smile spread on his lips.
"I don't care, I want a hamburger and if you refuse, I'll scream during an hour and your head will hurt! You'll have a headache!" Nino smirked with an evil voice.
"You're bored, you know?!" Ohno replied and Nino grinned. He knew he had won, Ohno never refused his wishes.
"As you are!" He laughed. "Then?"
"Ok, hamburger tonight." Ohno sighed, defeated party.
"Yattaaaa!" Nino exclaimed, happily.
Ohno laughed and prepared the hamburger while the idol teased him about his big power on him. These moments were very precious for the artist; he felt light, laughed a few and even forgot Sho for a while. Nino really made him feel better and he was thankful for the arrogant brat.
"Umai!" Nino exclaimed when Ohno bit his hamburger.
"Thank you." Ohno smiled.
***
The next day, Ohno went shopping in his favorite clothes shop, he really needed something new. He took some jeans and shirts and went to the cabin.
"Hmm, these white jeans are not bad." Nino commented while the sleepy man tried them on.
"Hontou?"
"Yes but the shirt is ugly." Nino smirked.
"And this tee-shirt?" Ohno asked, taking a white tee-shirt.
"Try it!"
After Ohno had put the tee-shirt and the Ray ban's glass, Nino screamed.
"Yes!!! It's perfect for you! The white really suits you, you look like an idol!"
"Thank you." Ohno blushed.
"You really have a beautiful body, Oh-chan!" The younger added. "Your butt is incredibly sexy!"
"Oi!!! Don't look at my butt!" Ohno exclaimed but couldn't hide his smile.
"It's not my fault if I can see you! You have a dancer's body!" Nino laughed but didn't see the shadow in Ohno's eyes at his words. "These jeans are horrible, you look like my grandfather!" The idol smirked.
"You're so mean!" Ohno pouted.
"Try the other with the pink shirt!" Nino ordered.
Ohno put a blue jeans with a pink and yellow shirt.
"Ha ha ha, it's worse, now, you look like a clown!" Nino laughed.
"Urusai! You're not funny." Ohno smiled, amused
"I like it." He added after a while.
"If you buy it, I take you to the police; it's a crime to wear that." Nino exclaimed.
"And how will you do it?" Ohno smirked.
"When I'll come back in my body I'll call them." Nino laughed.
"You couldn't." Ohno said.
"Why?" The gamer asked.
"Because you love me too much, you'll miss me if you send me in jail!" Ohno teased.
"Oi!!! I hate you; you're just a fucking arrogant sleepy man!" Nino laughed, trying to ignore how his voice was shaking.
"Me too, me too." Ohno smiled.
"Oh-chan?"
"Hum?"
"Can we go to the arcade?" Nino asked with a pleading voice.
Ohno sighed and nodded. The afternoon, he walked to the arcade without knowing why he did it, maybe he wanted to calm his heart or share something special with Nino. The younger helped him choose a game and he started to play. Nino teased him all the time because he was very bad and gave him many advices, screaming and laughing after him when he lost.
"Turn on the left, turn on the left!" Nino shouted.
"I know!" Ohno answered trying to save his car, but failed and the car crashed against a wall.
"Ha ha ha, you're so bad!" Nino laughed.
Ohno pouted and left the game.
"Oi, what are you doing?! Are you offended?!"
"No, but you tease me, so, I want to play another video game where I'll be good to shut your arrogant mouth." Ohno smirked.
He walked to a dance game. There were arrows on the floor and he started the game. The music was Smooth criminal and Nino thought the older never could dance this choreography. Michael Jackson was one of the best dancers of the world! But Ohno began to dance and it was amazing. Some people came to him to look. Ohno was wet, his feet moved very quickly and the same incredible happiness came into him. The idol was very surprised; he never saw this look on Ohno's face. Joy, happiness, as if the dance was a need, a source of life. Ohno wasn't an amateur; it wasn't possible when you saw how he danced. Maybe it was that. Maybe it was Ohno's mysterious job. Nino smiled as the people encouraged Ohno like fans with their idol. For the first time since the death of their lovers, Ohno and Nino were really happy.
***
Ohno collapsed on his bed.
"I’m so tired." Ohno moaned.
"You danced too much." Nino laughed.
"But it was funny! Thank you for bringing me at the arcade." Ohno smiled.
"You were very bad at the other games." Nino teased.
Ohno pouted, crossing his arms against his chest and Nino thought how cute the sleepy man was when his pink lips pouted, giving him a child’s appearance.
"But yes, it was very funny, I liked it." Nino said.
Ohno smiled and after a shower, lied in his bed. He was grateful about Nino's attitude. The younger had succeeded to make him smile after this story.
"You're welcome." Nino smiled.
Ohno laughed. Nino began to know him very well. They didn't need words between them. Ohno made a movie and quickly fell asleep. It was a very good day for them and their laughs were true.
***
"Oh-chan, earlier, I was surprised at how amazing you were, are you a dancer?" Nino tried the day after.
After a moment, Ohno nodded but his heart tightened.
"Yes. I danced and sang in butai, I was a dancer and a singer..." Ohno whispered.
"Really?!!!" Nino exclaimed, surprised.
"Yes, but it's the past." Ohno replied, frowning. He didn't like the way their conversation took and wanted to speak about something else and quickly.
"Why? Please, tell me." Nino implored.
First, Ohno wanted to refuse but it would be unfair, after all, he knew Nino's past and a strong friendship was built between them. As a friend, he owed an explanation to Nino and maybe he will feel better if he shared his grief.
Sighing, Ohno closed his eyes and laid his head on his pillow. Nino thought he didn't want to speak but suddenly, a flash appeared in his mind.
"Sho?" Ohno asked looking at his lover.
"What, baby?" Sho lowered his eyes, stroking Ohno's cheek who was lying on his lap.
"Will you come to see my butai tonight?" Ohno asked, hopefully.
"I would like, honey, but my boss wants my report, I'm sorry... I..." Sho panicked but Ohno held up his hand.
"It's okay, don't worry, I know you're busy, your work is very important, I understand." Ohno whispered while he stood up. "I have to go for the training, see you tonight." He added and kissed Sho's cheek before leaving their apartment.
Sho stared at the door, feeling guilty. He saw the pain in his boyfriend's eyes. The perform was very important for him, he worked hard since seven months. Ohno understood his work had a special place in his lover's life and Sho thought he didn't deserve a fantastic man like Satoshi.
"Moshi moshi. Tanaka-san, Sakurai desu. Hai. I'm sorry but my report isn't ready for tonight, can I bring it tomorrow?" Sho asked his boss. "Thank you very much, Tanaka-san." He hung his phone with a smile. Looking at the clock, he saw that Ohno's performance will start in two hours. He decided to continue his work for a few more minutes but didn't see the time and jumped when he saw he was late. After preparing himself, he bought Ohno's favorite flowers and left the apartment, happily. Outside, the ground was wet because of the typhoon. He started his car and drove quickly. He was late, very late, the performance was in few minutes. He pushed the accelerator, drops of water falling on his car's glass, blurring his vision on the road.
In the theater, the performance started and Ohno started to move and sing.
Someday's separation and someday's meeting.
With countless tears and piling heart beats, I'm still waiting here.
-So I could, so I would, you know?-
Exceeding the words inside the heart.
Something unknown is born, a sound play to wrap it.
So I dream on, definitely.
"Forever, from the fracture of stardust", we will meet in my dreams.
"As this heart trembles, it hurts", an eternal wish.
"Our pain is resounding like a glass", would it reach?
-So I could, so I would, you know?-
"Forever, our promise will be shown", the continuation of a dream.
"Embracing the mischievous time", going far away.
Collecting the light, I closed one of my eyes.
So I dream on gently.
And like the day we walked without any aim.
My time, right now, I'm just looking at the shaky windowsill over again.
-Yes, love is gently dancing upward, wow yeah-
In the stillness, there is someday's melody.
The songless words and the warmth flows, until now, it continues to echo.
Surpassing the memories with the beat of my heart.
The overlapping tone heals the scar on my heart, like undoing my sadness.
So I dream on, definitely.
"Because the radiance is connected everywhere" lifting my hands up high.
"Down pouring forever onto this heart" even the faraway future.
"Like ripples of water, repeating beautifully" can you see it?
-So I could, so I would, you know?-
"Anywhere, our promise will be shown" in the opening of our dreams.
"I embrace this secret feeling" painting the rainbow.
The overflowing light, I closed one of my eyes.
So I dream on gently.
And looking alone at the sky that day.
Just searching the song for me, I want to see it, I only want this feelings now.
-Yes, love is gently dancing upward, wow yeah-
While only the ambiguous things are wandering around at dawn.
Even if I wake up, I won't forget the dreams.
"Forever, from the fracture of stardust", we will meet in my dreams.
"As this heart trembles, it hurts", an eternal wish.
"Our pain is resounding like a glass", would it reach?
-So I could, so I would, you know?-
"Forever, our promise will be shown", the continuation of a dream.
"Embracing the mischievous time", going far away.
Collecting the light, I closed one of my eyes.
So I dream on gently.
And like the day we walked without any aim.
My time, right now, I'm just looking at the shaky windowsill over again.
-Yes, love is gently dancing upward, wow yeah-
"Faster, faster! Move, BAKA!" Sho yelled after the driver in front of him. Suddenly, a little girl crossed the street without looking. Her mother cried and caught her arm. Sho tried to stop his car but the car slipped on the rain and crashed in the wall. People screamed. The blood fell on the ground mixing with the rain. There was no sound no movement from the car, just a hand which showed of the open car's door with some flowers on the floor. A telephone rang inside the car but nobody answered.
At the same moment of the crash, the main dancer slipped and fell on the scene....
Someday's separation...
Ohno bowed at the crowd and left the scene. When he reached his dressing room, his phone buzzed and he answered.
"Moshi mosh..." Ohno started.
"Satoshi, it's me." Jun cut.
"Ah, Jun what..."
"It's Sho..." Jun said with a weird voice.
"Eh, what?"
"He had an accident, he's at the hospital. I'm on the road, get ready, I pick you up!" Jun said before he cut the line.
"Wait, Jun! Jun?!" Ohno yelled, panicked. He took his bag and ran to the exit.
When Jun arrived, he climbed in the car, breathing heavily. Nobody spoke during the travel to the hospital. Jun parked the car and both ran in the building like there was no tomorrow.
"Excuse me, sir. My brother was taken here. Sho Sakurai!" Jun asked the doctor.
"Oh. Please, wait a minute." The man answered. He walked to a room and after some minutes another doctor joined them.
"Jun Sakurai?"
"No, I'm Ohno Satoshi, Sakurai-san is my boyfriend." Ohno replied quickly. "How is he?"
The doctor looked at him for a while and lowered his head.
"Sakurai-san's car had slipped in a puddle and crashed in a wall. I'm sorry but he didn't survive from the crash." The doctor whispered.
At his words, Ohno fell on the ground, shocked. No. It was impossible... Sho, his Sho couldn't be dead, it was a lie. Jun seems as shocked as his best friend, his mouth wide opened in disbelief.
"It's impossible. He can't be dead; it's a joke, ne?" Ohno asked, staring at the doctor with eyes full of tears.
"I'm sorry Ohno-san, but we couldn't do anything. He was almost dying when he arrived here. I'm really sorry." The doctor bowed deeply.
Ohno lowered his head, tears rolling down his face. He believed the whole world disappeared around him. He refused to accept that, his lover was strong, he couldn't die, he must see his play, there were so many things Ohno wanted to share with him. No. No. No!
"Can I see his body?" Ohno asked suddenly.
"Toshi, I don't think it's a good idea." Jun protested.
"Please, sensei, I want to see him." Ohno implored with teary eyes.
"Well, you have the right to, follow me, please." The doctor sighed.
They followed the man and walked in a cold room.
"Are you sure?" The doctor asked while he stepped toward the bed.
Ohno nodded and the doctor took off the sheets. Satoshi gasped by the view. Sho's face was very pale, his eyes were closed and he didn't breathe anymore. He had some bruises on his cheeks and a cut next to his upper lip. Ohno touched his cheek and froze; Sho's skin was so cold!
"Can I be alone with him?" Ohno asked with a little voice.
Jun nodded and walked in the corner of the room, he was far but could hear Ohno.
"Sho, why did you do that to me? Why did you leave me alone while you promised me you'll always be there for me? I don't know what to do, I'm lost without you, I can't handle that. Why did you try to come? I said I understood why you couldn’t; I know how important your work was for you, I wasn't angry! I can't believe you'll not be here tomorrow at home, I can't believe you'll not hug me anymore, you'll not kiss me again. It so painful, I can't bear that, I can't, please… Sho, come back, don't let me be alone!" Ohno whispered in a desperate voice and Jun started to cry more than before if it was possible.
"There were so many things I wanted to tell you, so many things I wanted to go through with you. I even didn’t say that I love you when I left our apartment. We haven't had the time to live together. Ten years, it's too short, remember, you repeated you wanted children with me, how will I realize your dream if you aren't there?! How?! Life is so unfair, you were so young, we deserve more time together, more fights, more kisses, more hugs, more laughs and now, you are dead?! How can you do that to me, to Junny, to your family?! It's so selfish and I know you aren't like that, I know you always thought about me before thinking about yourself, so why? Why, Sho?! Please, come back, baby, don't leave me in the dark, in this frightening nightmare, I need you, Sho!" Ohno said, tears rolling on his cheeks like a waterfall.
He took Sho's cold hand and kissed his fingers lovingly. His own fingers traveled on Sho's face and Ohno kissed the cold full lips.
"Satoshi, it's enough, come on." Jun hugged his best friend from behind who shook his head with despair.
"No, I can't. I can't let him alone, Jun. He'll come back; he promised me he'll always be there for me. I can't let him here, he hates hospitals." Ohno implored, tightening his grip on Sho's hand.
"Toshi, stop that, Sho is dead, he won't come back, I know it's hard but let him leave, now." Jun hugged the younger more tightly, crying in his neck.
"Jun..."
"Come on." Jun drove him outside.
"Sho..." Ohno whispered, looking one last time at his lover's body on the bed.
The two friends walked in the waiting room and Ohno fell on the ground, crying silently. The younger sat down next to his friend and hugged him tightly. Satoshi didn't move, he was far, far away from this nightmare, there were just the tears which rolled on his cheeks from his empty eyes. After a moment, Jun saw Masaki and his parents who ran toward them with panicked faces. When his boyfriend saw his friends on the ground and their eyes, his hand covered his mouth. Jun's mother screamed with despair and her husband took her in his arms. Jun didn't release Ohno even if his parents needed him, Satoshi was the priority, his state was very weird. Suddenly, Ohno blanked and he collapsed in Jun's arms.
When coming back to his senses, Satoshi opened his eyes with difficulty. He blinked, seeing Jun and Masaki next to him.
"Sh-o." Ohno stammered.
"Satoshi!" Jun screamed when he saw him awake. "Ma-chan, call the doctor!" He added, his boyfriend nodded and left the room quickly.
"Sho." Ohno repeated.
"It's me Toshi, I'm here."
"No- Sh-o, I want Sho-where is h-e?" Ohno moaned painfully.
"Satoshi... Sho is gone... You fainted two days ago." Jun whispered.
When Ohno looked at him, Jun's heart broke. Tears rolled on his cheeks and all the pain of the world appeared on his wet chubby face.
"I'm sorry, Sato-chan. He drove too quickly. I don't know why but there were flowers in his car..."
"He came to see me, he said he had too much work but tried to come. BAKA SHO!!!" Ohno screamed. "I said I understood. His work was the priority, why did he try to come?! Why?! Baka baka baka!!!" Ohno cried loudly, his body shaking. "It's my fault, if I didn't ask him to come, he would still be alive!"
"Don't say those horrible things, Toshi, it isn't your fault. Sho was an adult; he wanted to see you because he was proud of you!" Jun hugged him, burying Ohno's face in his neck. Satoshi's heart seemed broken; I could feel only pain and sadness with the tears rolling on his face.
Ohno left the hospital the day after and when he entered in his apartment, he blanked. Nothing had changed. There were still his boyfriend's stuff as if Sho came back home this night. Ohno looked at the pictures on the wall. Sho was there, smiling and hugging him or his brother, showing his life full of happiness. Jun's parents’ voice made him jump in surprise.
"If you need something, dear, call us. Don't hesitate. Jun'll bring you some food tonight. Are you sure you don't want to stay at home?" Sho's mother asked but Ohno shook his head. He didn't want. He couldn't look at Sho's parents right in the eyes, he felt too guilty.
"Right~ I'll call you tomorrow, honey." Hanako smiled, kissing Ohno's cheek before they left the apartment.
Ohno didn't move during a moment, his eyes staring at the empty apartment. Silence reigned in the dark sitting room. He lied on the sofa and exhausted, fell asleep.
"SHO!!!" Ohno cried, standing up, his whole body sweating. He looked around him. He was on his sofa in the sitting room. Ohno ran in his bedroom and roughly opened the door.
"Sho?!" Ohno called. But the bedroom was empty. The window was open, the wind blowing in the curtains, the blanket still on the bed. Ohno laid down on the bed and hugged Sho's pillow, crying loudly.
5th months later...
Ohno watched the TV without really looking at the screen.
"Satoshi, did you eat mama's curry?" Jun asked, standing in front of him.
Ohno raised his empty eyes and shook his head. His best friend sighed and kneeled next to him. He passed his hand in his soft black hair, looking at him with sadness.
"Toshi, it was five months ago, you must move on, you can't continue like that!" Jun tried.
"I'm fine." Ohno mumbled, looking away.
Jun didn't even try to respond. They had the same conversation since Sho's death. His best friend looked like a zombie, he didn't eat properly, lost many kilograms, stayed on his sofa all day and refused to dance and sing. Despite his efforts, Ohno didn't forget. You even couldn't say he lived, he just breathed, waiting for Sho's return. When you saw his eyes, fear invaded your body. There was no life inside it, just pain, sadness and emptiness. His life was over...
Nino stayed in silence, shocked. He couldn't say anything; there was nothing to say...
To be continued…
Author: MatsuAurore
Beta: Andreja1989 As always, thank you so much <3
Pairings: Ohmiya, Yama
Genre: Au, fantasy, drama, romance, angst
Rating: PG-13 for this chapter
Disclaimer: I don't own them, luckily for them xD
Summary: Two pasts, two painful stories. They are the same but yet so different. Nino, a big arrogant idol and Ohno a kind and shy amazing dancer. They live their lives but when Ohno meets the younger, the sleepy man will discover Nino’s dark past that the idol wanted to forget. One day Nino gets stuck in Ohno’s mind and he discovers that maybe the dancer is the only person who can really understand his pain. Maybe Ohno’s eternal sleepy smile hides a dark secret.
Chapter 5: Their trust
After this moment at the beach, the two friends became closer as if the wall of silence had been erased for a new trust. The younger learned more about Ohno's life even if the sleepy man didn't like to speak of it. In fact, when Nino thought about it, he said to himself he didn't really know a lot of things about Ohno's actual life. He never saw him worked and Ohno didn’t seem to have many friends apart from Jun and Masaki. Nino wanted to ask him more questions but there always was this bubble of secrets around Ohno.
"Oh-chan?" Nino asked one day while the older drew. Ohno hummed as answer. "Do you have a job, since I'm in your mind, I've never saw you work."
"I... I don't want to speak about this subject." Ohno replied coldly and Nino gave up. The older wasn't ready. He knew Ohno hid an important part of his life but when he tried to make him speak, the older never responded or tried to speak about something else.
Ohno felt guilty to ignore Nino's wish to know more about his past but he couldn't, he wasn't ready. After all, Ohno always thought it was his fault for Sho’s death that day and in addition, another person had lost someone in this accident. Guilty was eating him, he lived through the nightmares, tried to forget his old life but there always was something which made him remember his pain, as if Kami-sama thought Ohno didn't deserve a happy life. Satoshi shook his head; he couldn't think too much, Nino was able to feel his pain and his worries... Sighing, Ohno looked in his fridge to find some food.
"I want hamburger today!" Nino exclaimed.
"I prefer curry!" Ohno replied.
Sometimes, Nino was very boring with all his demands and patient, (or rather submissive), Ohno accepted all the wishes of this fucking arrogant brat, groaning against him but deep inside, feeling tenderness towards the young idol. Since they started to know each other, Ohno felt new feelings for Nino. He didn't know why, but now, he needed Kazunari's voice, Kazu's whines, Kazu's laughs or teases. The idol was a part of him, a part of his heart and Satoshi was afraid how his heart beat faster at the sound of Nino's voice. He knew it was wrong, nothing could happen between them but he couldn't help it, his feelings were stronger than his reason.
"You eat curry every day, I'm fed up, I want a hamburger!" Nino moaned childishly.
"But we ate hamburger last week." Ohno protested but a smile spread on his lips.
"I don't care, I want a hamburger and if you refuse, I'll scream during an hour and your head will hurt! You'll have a headache!" Nino smirked with an evil voice.
"You're bored, you know?!" Ohno replied and Nino grinned. He knew he had won, Ohno never refused his wishes.
"As you are!" He laughed. "Then?"
"Ok, hamburger tonight." Ohno sighed, defeated party.
"Yattaaaa!" Nino exclaimed, happily.
Ohno laughed and prepared the hamburger while the idol teased him about his big power on him. These moments were very precious for the artist; he felt light, laughed a few and even forgot Sho for a while. Nino really made him feel better and he was thankful for the arrogant brat.
"Umai!" Nino exclaimed when Ohno bit his hamburger.
"Thank you." Ohno smiled.
***
The next day, Ohno went shopping in his favorite clothes shop, he really needed something new. He took some jeans and shirts and went to the cabin.
"Hmm, these white jeans are not bad." Nino commented while the sleepy man tried them on.
"Hontou?"
"Yes but the shirt is ugly." Nino smirked.
"And this tee-shirt?" Ohno asked, taking a white tee-shirt.
"Try it!"
After Ohno had put the tee-shirt and the Ray ban's glass, Nino screamed.
"Yes!!! It's perfect for you! The white really suits you, you look like an idol!"
"Thank you." Ohno blushed.
"You really have a beautiful body, Oh-chan!" The younger added. "Your butt is incredibly sexy!"
"Oi!!! Don't look at my butt!" Ohno exclaimed but couldn't hide his smile.
"It's not my fault if I can see you! You have a dancer's body!" Nino laughed but didn't see the shadow in Ohno's eyes at his words. "These jeans are horrible, you look like my grandfather!" The idol smirked.
"You're so mean!" Ohno pouted.
"Try the other with the pink shirt!" Nino ordered.
Ohno put a blue jeans with a pink and yellow shirt.
"Ha ha ha, it's worse, now, you look like a clown!" Nino laughed.
"Urusai! You're not funny." Ohno smiled, amused
"I like it." He added after a while.
"If you buy it, I take you to the police; it's a crime to wear that." Nino exclaimed.
"And how will you do it?" Ohno smirked.
"When I'll come back in my body I'll call them." Nino laughed.
"You couldn't." Ohno said.
"Why?" The gamer asked.
"Because you love me too much, you'll miss me if you send me in jail!" Ohno teased.
"Oi!!! I hate you; you're just a fucking arrogant sleepy man!" Nino laughed, trying to ignore how his voice was shaking.
"Me too, me too." Ohno smiled.
"Oh-chan?"
"Hum?"
"Can we go to the arcade?" Nino asked with a pleading voice.
Ohno sighed and nodded. The afternoon, he walked to the arcade without knowing why he did it, maybe he wanted to calm his heart or share something special with Nino. The younger helped him choose a game and he started to play. Nino teased him all the time because he was very bad and gave him many advices, screaming and laughing after him when he lost.
"Turn on the left, turn on the left!" Nino shouted.
"I know!" Ohno answered trying to save his car, but failed and the car crashed against a wall.
"Ha ha ha, you're so bad!" Nino laughed.
Ohno pouted and left the game.
"Oi, what are you doing?! Are you offended?!"
"No, but you tease me, so, I want to play another video game where I'll be good to shut your arrogant mouth." Ohno smirked.
He walked to a dance game. There were arrows on the floor and he started the game. The music was Smooth criminal and Nino thought the older never could dance this choreography. Michael Jackson was one of the best dancers of the world! But Ohno began to dance and it was amazing. Some people came to him to look. Ohno was wet, his feet moved very quickly and the same incredible happiness came into him. The idol was very surprised; he never saw this look on Ohno's face. Joy, happiness, as if the dance was a need, a source of life. Ohno wasn't an amateur; it wasn't possible when you saw how he danced. Maybe it was that. Maybe it was Ohno's mysterious job. Nino smiled as the people encouraged Ohno like fans with their idol. For the first time since the death of their lovers, Ohno and Nino were really happy.
***
Ohno collapsed on his bed.
"I’m so tired." Ohno moaned.
"You danced too much." Nino laughed.
"But it was funny! Thank you for bringing me at the arcade." Ohno smiled.
"You were very bad at the other games." Nino teased.
Ohno pouted, crossing his arms against his chest and Nino thought how cute the sleepy man was when his pink lips pouted, giving him a child’s appearance.
"But yes, it was very funny, I liked it." Nino said.
Ohno smiled and after a shower, lied in his bed. He was grateful about Nino's attitude. The younger had succeeded to make him smile after this story.
"You're welcome." Nino smiled.
Ohno laughed. Nino began to know him very well. They didn't need words between them. Ohno made a movie and quickly fell asleep. It was a very good day for them and their laughs were true.
***
"Oh-chan, earlier, I was surprised at how amazing you were, are you a dancer?" Nino tried the day after.
After a moment, Ohno nodded but his heart tightened.
"Yes. I danced and sang in butai, I was a dancer and a singer..." Ohno whispered.
"Really?!!!" Nino exclaimed, surprised.
"Yes, but it's the past." Ohno replied, frowning. He didn't like the way their conversation took and wanted to speak about something else and quickly.
"Why? Please, tell me." Nino implored.
First, Ohno wanted to refuse but it would be unfair, after all, he knew Nino's past and a strong friendship was built between them. As a friend, he owed an explanation to Nino and maybe he will feel better if he shared his grief.
Sighing, Ohno closed his eyes and laid his head on his pillow. Nino thought he didn't want to speak but suddenly, a flash appeared in his mind.
"Sho?" Ohno asked looking at his lover.
"What, baby?" Sho lowered his eyes, stroking Ohno's cheek who was lying on his lap.
"Will you come to see my butai tonight?" Ohno asked, hopefully.
"I would like, honey, but my boss wants my report, I'm sorry... I..." Sho panicked but Ohno held up his hand.
"It's okay, don't worry, I know you're busy, your work is very important, I understand." Ohno whispered while he stood up. "I have to go for the training, see you tonight." He added and kissed Sho's cheek before leaving their apartment.
Sho stared at the door, feeling guilty. He saw the pain in his boyfriend's eyes. The perform was very important for him, he worked hard since seven months. Ohno understood his work had a special place in his lover's life and Sho thought he didn't deserve a fantastic man like Satoshi.
"Moshi moshi. Tanaka-san, Sakurai desu. Hai. I'm sorry but my report isn't ready for tonight, can I bring it tomorrow?" Sho asked his boss. "Thank you very much, Tanaka-san." He hung his phone with a smile. Looking at the clock, he saw that Ohno's performance will start in two hours. He decided to continue his work for a few more minutes but didn't see the time and jumped when he saw he was late. After preparing himself, he bought Ohno's favorite flowers and left the apartment, happily. Outside, the ground was wet because of the typhoon. He started his car and drove quickly. He was late, very late, the performance was in few minutes. He pushed the accelerator, drops of water falling on his car's glass, blurring his vision on the road.
In the theater, the performance started and Ohno started to move and sing.
Someday's separation and someday's meeting.
With countless tears and piling heart beats, I'm still waiting here.
-So I could, so I would, you know?-
Exceeding the words inside the heart.
Something unknown is born, a sound play to wrap it.
So I dream on, definitely.
"Forever, from the fracture of stardust", we will meet in my dreams.
"As this heart trembles, it hurts", an eternal wish.
"Our pain is resounding like a glass", would it reach?
-So I could, so I would, you know?-
"Forever, our promise will be shown", the continuation of a dream.
"Embracing the mischievous time", going far away.
Collecting the light, I closed one of my eyes.
So I dream on gently.
And like the day we walked without any aim.
My time, right now, I'm just looking at the shaky windowsill over again.
-Yes, love is gently dancing upward, wow yeah-
In the stillness, there is someday's melody.
The songless words and the warmth flows, until now, it continues to echo.
Surpassing the memories with the beat of my heart.
The overlapping tone heals the scar on my heart, like undoing my sadness.
So I dream on, definitely.
"Because the radiance is connected everywhere" lifting my hands up high.
"Down pouring forever onto this heart" even the faraway future.
"Like ripples of water, repeating beautifully" can you see it?
-So I could, so I would, you know?-
"Anywhere, our promise will be shown" in the opening of our dreams.
"I embrace this secret feeling" painting the rainbow.
The overflowing light, I closed one of my eyes.
So I dream on gently.
And looking alone at the sky that day.
Just searching the song for me, I want to see it, I only want this feelings now.
-Yes, love is gently dancing upward, wow yeah-
While only the ambiguous things are wandering around at dawn.
Even if I wake up, I won't forget the dreams.
"Forever, from the fracture of stardust", we will meet in my dreams.
"As this heart trembles, it hurts", an eternal wish.
"Our pain is resounding like a glass", would it reach?
-So I could, so I would, you know?-
"Forever, our promise will be shown", the continuation of a dream.
"Embracing the mischievous time", going far away.
Collecting the light, I closed one of my eyes.
So I dream on gently.
And like the day we walked without any aim.
My time, right now, I'm just looking at the shaky windowsill over again.
-Yes, love is gently dancing upward, wow yeah-
"Faster, faster! Move, BAKA!" Sho yelled after the driver in front of him. Suddenly, a little girl crossed the street without looking. Her mother cried and caught her arm. Sho tried to stop his car but the car slipped on the rain and crashed in the wall. People screamed. The blood fell on the ground mixing with the rain. There was no sound no movement from the car, just a hand which showed of the open car's door with some flowers on the floor. A telephone rang inside the car but nobody answered.
At the same moment of the crash, the main dancer slipped and fell on the scene....
Someday's separation...
Ohno bowed at the crowd and left the scene. When he reached his dressing room, his phone buzzed and he answered.
"Moshi mosh..." Ohno started.
"Satoshi, it's me." Jun cut.
"Ah, Jun what..."
"It's Sho..." Jun said with a weird voice.
"Eh, what?"
"He had an accident, he's at the hospital. I'm on the road, get ready, I pick you up!" Jun said before he cut the line.
"Wait, Jun! Jun?!" Ohno yelled, panicked. He took his bag and ran to the exit.
When Jun arrived, he climbed in the car, breathing heavily. Nobody spoke during the travel to the hospital. Jun parked the car and both ran in the building like there was no tomorrow.
"Excuse me, sir. My brother was taken here. Sho Sakurai!" Jun asked the doctor.
"Oh. Please, wait a minute." The man answered. He walked to a room and after some minutes another doctor joined them.
"Jun Sakurai?"
"No, I'm Ohno Satoshi, Sakurai-san is my boyfriend." Ohno replied quickly. "How is he?"
The doctor looked at him for a while and lowered his head.
"Sakurai-san's car had slipped in a puddle and crashed in a wall. I'm sorry but he didn't survive from the crash." The doctor whispered.
At his words, Ohno fell on the ground, shocked. No. It was impossible... Sho, his Sho couldn't be dead, it was a lie. Jun seems as shocked as his best friend, his mouth wide opened in disbelief.
"It's impossible. He can't be dead; it's a joke, ne?" Ohno asked, staring at the doctor with eyes full of tears.
"I'm sorry Ohno-san, but we couldn't do anything. He was almost dying when he arrived here. I'm really sorry." The doctor bowed deeply.
Ohno lowered his head, tears rolling down his face. He believed the whole world disappeared around him. He refused to accept that, his lover was strong, he couldn't die, he must see his play, there were so many things Ohno wanted to share with him. No. No. No!
"Can I see his body?" Ohno asked suddenly.
"Toshi, I don't think it's a good idea." Jun protested.
"Please, sensei, I want to see him." Ohno implored with teary eyes.
"Well, you have the right to, follow me, please." The doctor sighed.
They followed the man and walked in a cold room.
"Are you sure?" The doctor asked while he stepped toward the bed.
Ohno nodded and the doctor took off the sheets. Satoshi gasped by the view. Sho's face was very pale, his eyes were closed and he didn't breathe anymore. He had some bruises on his cheeks and a cut next to his upper lip. Ohno touched his cheek and froze; Sho's skin was so cold!
"Can I be alone with him?" Ohno asked with a little voice.
Jun nodded and walked in the corner of the room, he was far but could hear Ohno.
"Sho, why did you do that to me? Why did you leave me alone while you promised me you'll always be there for me? I don't know what to do, I'm lost without you, I can't handle that. Why did you try to come? I said I understood why you couldn’t; I know how important your work was for you, I wasn't angry! I can't believe you'll not be here tomorrow at home, I can't believe you'll not hug me anymore, you'll not kiss me again. It so painful, I can't bear that, I can't, please… Sho, come back, don't let me be alone!" Ohno whispered in a desperate voice and Jun started to cry more than before if it was possible.
"There were so many things I wanted to tell you, so many things I wanted to go through with you. I even didn’t say that I love you when I left our apartment. We haven't had the time to live together. Ten years, it's too short, remember, you repeated you wanted children with me, how will I realize your dream if you aren't there?! How?! Life is so unfair, you were so young, we deserve more time together, more fights, more kisses, more hugs, more laughs and now, you are dead?! How can you do that to me, to Junny, to your family?! It's so selfish and I know you aren't like that, I know you always thought about me before thinking about yourself, so why? Why, Sho?! Please, come back, baby, don't leave me in the dark, in this frightening nightmare, I need you, Sho!" Ohno said, tears rolling on his cheeks like a waterfall.
He took Sho's cold hand and kissed his fingers lovingly. His own fingers traveled on Sho's face and Ohno kissed the cold full lips.
"Satoshi, it's enough, come on." Jun hugged his best friend from behind who shook his head with despair.
"No, I can't. I can't let him alone, Jun. He'll come back; he promised me he'll always be there for me. I can't let him here, he hates hospitals." Ohno implored, tightening his grip on Sho's hand.
"Toshi, stop that, Sho is dead, he won't come back, I know it's hard but let him leave, now." Jun hugged the younger more tightly, crying in his neck.
"Jun..."
"Come on." Jun drove him outside.
"Sho..." Ohno whispered, looking one last time at his lover's body on the bed.
The two friends walked in the waiting room and Ohno fell on the ground, crying silently. The younger sat down next to his friend and hugged him tightly. Satoshi didn't move, he was far, far away from this nightmare, there were just the tears which rolled on his cheeks from his empty eyes. After a moment, Jun saw Masaki and his parents who ran toward them with panicked faces. When his boyfriend saw his friends on the ground and their eyes, his hand covered his mouth. Jun's mother screamed with despair and her husband took her in his arms. Jun didn't release Ohno even if his parents needed him, Satoshi was the priority, his state was very weird. Suddenly, Ohno blanked and he collapsed in Jun's arms.
When coming back to his senses, Satoshi opened his eyes with difficulty. He blinked, seeing Jun and Masaki next to him.
"Sh-o." Ohno stammered.
"Satoshi!" Jun screamed when he saw him awake. "Ma-chan, call the doctor!" He added, his boyfriend nodded and left the room quickly.
"Sho." Ohno repeated.
"It's me Toshi, I'm here."
"No- Sh-o, I want Sho-where is h-e?" Ohno moaned painfully.
"Satoshi... Sho is gone... You fainted two days ago." Jun whispered.
When Ohno looked at him, Jun's heart broke. Tears rolled on his cheeks and all the pain of the world appeared on his wet chubby face.
"I'm sorry, Sato-chan. He drove too quickly. I don't know why but there were flowers in his car..."
"He came to see me, he said he had too much work but tried to come. BAKA SHO!!!" Ohno screamed. "I said I understood. His work was the priority, why did he try to come?! Why?! Baka baka baka!!!" Ohno cried loudly, his body shaking. "It's my fault, if I didn't ask him to come, he would still be alive!"
"Don't say those horrible things, Toshi, it isn't your fault. Sho was an adult; he wanted to see you because he was proud of you!" Jun hugged him, burying Ohno's face in his neck. Satoshi's heart seemed broken; I could feel only pain and sadness with the tears rolling on his face.
Ohno left the hospital the day after and when he entered in his apartment, he blanked. Nothing had changed. There were still his boyfriend's stuff as if Sho came back home this night. Ohno looked at the pictures on the wall. Sho was there, smiling and hugging him or his brother, showing his life full of happiness. Jun's parents’ voice made him jump in surprise.
"If you need something, dear, call us. Don't hesitate. Jun'll bring you some food tonight. Are you sure you don't want to stay at home?" Sho's mother asked but Ohno shook his head. He didn't want. He couldn't look at Sho's parents right in the eyes, he felt too guilty.
"Right~ I'll call you tomorrow, honey." Hanako smiled, kissing Ohno's cheek before they left the apartment.
Ohno didn't move during a moment, his eyes staring at the empty apartment. Silence reigned in the dark sitting room. He lied on the sofa and exhausted, fell asleep.
"SHO!!!" Ohno cried, standing up, his whole body sweating. He looked around him. He was on his sofa in the sitting room. Ohno ran in his bedroom and roughly opened the door.
"Sho?!" Ohno called. But the bedroom was empty. The window was open, the wind blowing in the curtains, the blanket still on the bed. Ohno laid down on the bed and hugged Sho's pillow, crying loudly.
5th months later...
Ohno watched the TV without really looking at the screen.
"Satoshi, did you eat mama's curry?" Jun asked, standing in front of him.
Ohno raised his empty eyes and shook his head. His best friend sighed and kneeled next to him. He passed his hand in his soft black hair, looking at him with sadness.
"Toshi, it was five months ago, you must move on, you can't continue like that!" Jun tried.
"I'm fine." Ohno mumbled, looking away.
Jun didn't even try to respond. They had the same conversation since Sho's death. His best friend looked like a zombie, he didn't eat properly, lost many kilograms, stayed on his sofa all day and refused to dance and sing. Despite his efforts, Ohno didn't forget. You even couldn't say he lived, he just breathed, waiting for Sho's return. When you saw his eyes, fear invaded your body. There was no life inside it, just pain, sadness and emptiness. His life was over...
Nino stayed in silence, shocked. He couldn't say anything; there was nothing to say...
To be continued…