When will you notice me? (4/7)
Title: When will you notice me?
Author: MatsuAurore
Pairing: Sakumoto, Ohmiya (slight)
Rating: R
Genre: Drama, romance, angst, fluff
Disclaimer: Girls, they are already naked on my bed... In my dreams xD
Summary: The first time I met him, I immediatly fell in love with him. The first time I saw him, I understood he would become the most important part of my life. But what I didn't expect was his strong and free personality. When will you stop this game and will notice my deep feelings for you?
Part 4:
Jun's pov
I sighed while entering the green room. Everybody was acting weirdly with me since yesterday, even Sho who had refused to stay with me the last night after these amazing moment in the bus where Nino had filmed us while we were playing the fool like five children. I knew he was angry at me. For two months we were fighting regularly. I still loved him so much after these three years but something had changed between us and I was afraid to lose Sho. I was crazy about him like the first day he confessed his feelings for me but I was thinking my boyfriend didn't feel the same way anymore. And it hurt so damn much.
Sho was actually working a lot because of his new drama, Kisaratzu cat's eyes. He was so damn beautiful with his new haircut and color that showed his full pink mouth more than ever. With his piercing on his left ear, he was so sex. I was proud he was mine, that he was my man.
I was reaching my 20 years old today and was really becoming an adult. We had planned to take an apartment with Sho because it was more and more difficult to sleep together at my place, especially now I wanted to lead him in bed.
So, this morning, I woke up in a bad mood and checked my messages. None messages. My friends had forgotten me. Sadness invaded my heart because even my boyfriend hadn't sent me a message. He didn't spend the night with me and plus, forgot my birthday.
I left my bedroom as there was had a tour, we were sleeping in a hotel. Satoshi and Kazu had taken the same bedroom with only one bed while Aiba, Sho and me had just one for us. To be honest, I was jealous about Nino and Satoshi's relationship. They were as in love as the first day and had a very strong relationship.
"Ah, Matsumoto-kun, the staff is waiting for you there." My manager said. I checked my clock, I wasn't late, why does everybody was already ready?
"Sorry for being late!" I exclaimed while climbing on the stage but soon, froze when I saw my best friends and my lover here, microphones in their hands and smiles on their lips. A music started and my mouth fell opened in surprise.
Tears filled my eyes when I heard them singing a song Kazu had created just for me. They were amazing, how could I think they had forgotten me?
"Kimi wa motto motto, Matsumoto..." Nino ended.
Everybody screamed and clapped their hands while walking toward me with a big cake. I smiled widely like an idiot and bit in the cake, licking my mouth with my tongue. I caught Sho's look and gulped. He was staring at me with This look. This look when we were about to make love. Lust was shining in his deep brown eyes and my boyfriend wipped some cream on my chin.
"Here." Sho whispered, holding out his finger. I stared at him hungrily and took his finger in my mouth, licking the cream with naughty eyes. "You're going to pay for exciting me like that." Sho whispered while hugging me.
"I'm impatient." I smirked.
My friends gave me my presents and I almost burst into tears when I opened Sho's gift.
With all my love. You changed a lot but you are still my baby that drives me crazy anytime I'm seeing and touching you. I love you Ma-chan. Otanjoubi omedetou <3
In a box, I found a silver bracelet. It was simple yet, so beautiful.
"Look." Sho showed me an inscription on it.
"For the one who made me understand the meaning of 'love'. Sho"
Tears started to roll down my cheeks and without thinking, I jumped in Sho's arms to kiss him roughly. My lover chuckled and kissed me back, stroking my cheek with one hand and pressing our bodies together with the other.
"Luckily, we are alone." Nino smirked. We ignored him, too lost in our own world.
"I love you, Jun."
"Me too." I smiled and put the bracelet around my wrist where I knew he would stay forever.
This night would stay the best night of my life if I didn't count our first time together. We made love three times, Sho acting softer than ever before. Three perfect orgasms. We were just screaming in pleasure and I was hoping nobody would hear us. We fell asleep in each other's arms, Sho hugging me tightly against him. I felt so good and safe in his strong arms.
The next morning, I woke up with a breath tickling my ear.
"Hey." I smiled sleepily.
"Hey." Sho grinned, pecking my nose.
"Thank you for the bracelet, I love it." I whispered.
"I heard it last night." Sho smirked, making me blush deeply.
"You were also loud."
"Because making love with you is one of the best things of the world." Sho smiled.
"So, even after three years being together, you just love my body?" I teased him, knowing perfectly he was joking.
"I will never get tired of your amazing body but I also wouldn't get hard if there wasn't your smile and your beautiful personality."
"Well, we should get up." I muttered, blushing.
"No. Stay here!" Sho grabbed my arm to make me fall in his arms and hug me tightly.
"But..."
"Everybody was around you yesterday, I want you for myself now."
"Jealous caster." I chuckled.
"Of course I am, with all these perverts staring at you. Love you." Sho caught my mouth, preventing me to answer. Of course we made love the whole morning and ended up late once again.
When Sho left to take a shower, his phone started to buzz and I opened it, thinking it was maybe something important.
"Moshi mosh..."
"Sakurai-san, Sonoda-san from Ero's compagny." I blinked. What was that?
"Yes?"
"I'm calling to inform you you haven't paid this month and we will have to cancel your subscription if you don't pay quickly. As you are a very good customer, we let you three more days to pay."
"Excuse me?" I gasped. "What are you talking about?"
"Ano, you are a client of... Gay porn's world..." The woman said uncomfortably. "Is this Sakurai Sho-san?"
"Wakarimashita." I hang up, still shocked. I couldn't believe it. Sho Sakurai. My Sho Sakurai was a client of a gay porn website?!
"A problem, babe?" Sho asked when he saw me in the middle of the living room with a lost look.
"Yeah, honey, of course. I just wanted to tell you that your dear Porno-san called to say you haven't paid this month but as you are a big client, they will wait three more days." I said with an ironic tone.
"What?" Sho gasped, the towel around him falling on the ground.
"You heard me, pervert! Subscripting you to this kind of website when you have a boyfriend! You really are a big pervert, Sho!"
"But I can explain... I... It's because when you are too busy to make love, I..."
"You masturbate yourself in front of disgusting fags men?! I think you should pay because you won't be able to fuck me for a long long long moment! Say hello to your left hand for me, Sakurai!" I snapped, leaving him naked in the middle of our apartment.
I wasn't really mad at him but more offend. Didn't I give him enough? Why did he need to watch this kind of disgusting thing to... I shook my head, entering the green room.
After a moment, Ohno and Aiba joined me, followed by a panicked Sho. I frowned and looked away.
"My love, please."
"Stop with your 'my love', you just call me like that just when I'm mad at you!" I snapped.
"But babe, it's not a big deal..."
"Excuse me?" I raised an eyebrow in disbelief. "Your porn web site call you the day of my birthday to inform you that you haven't paid and as you are a very good client, they will wait three more days and you dare to tell me it's not a big deal?!" I heard Ohno gasping and Aiba chuckling but ignored them.
"Babe, it's just for when we are too busy to make love..." Sho blushed, making everything worse.
"You are a VERY GOOD client, Sho! We make love twice per day when we aren't too busy and four times per week when we are. What's the problem with you?!"
"Twice per day?! So lucky." Aiba muttered.
"I want to have you every time because I love you, Jun." Sho lowered his head, using his puppy eyes.
"Oh no, Bambi, stop using this trick with me!" I exclaimed. Sho smirked and grabbing my hand, ran away of the room. My lover pushed me in a small other room, attacking my lips hungrily.
"Sho, stop..."
"No. You wanted to know why I'm watching these kind of videos, so, I will tell you." Sho almost ripped our clothes and started to prepare me, not giving me the time to protest. Soon, my lover invaded me. I moaned loudly in pleasure, thightening around him.
"It's the reason. Because twice per day is not enough... I want to be inside you all the day, Jun. I want to hear you screaming my name every second, I want to form one every minute of the day. I love you so much, Jun and even a porn web site will never get me hard as I am when I see you and it will never give me the orgasms you give me when I fuck you or when your amazing mouth is sucking me so perfectly, my love." Sho panted. I moaned, biting his shoulder in pleasure. "Yes, baby, let me hear your voice, let me please you and drive you crazy..." Sho gasped.
"Sho...." I screamed when he hit my magical spot.
"You drive me crazy, Jun... I love you so damn much!"
"Harder, Sho..." I implored, tightening my legs around his waist. Sho chuckled and thrusted roughly, bringing stars in my eyes without even touching my hard length. I came hard between us, moaning in pleasure when Sho filled me with an erotic moan.
"Gosh..." Sho panted, slipping out of me.
"I'm dirty now." I pouted even if deep inside, I was grinning stupidly. He would really drive me crazy one day. Fucking Caster-san, always giving me amazing orgasms...
"It was pretty good." Sho beamed.
"As always. It was wonderful to feel big Sho-chan junior inside me." I stroked his length, waking it up. I kneeled down and licked it before swallowing it with delight. I sucked hard, feeling my lover's hands pushing on my head with happiness. "Sho-chan junior always tastes amazing in every part of me. I wish I could have it inside me again." I smiled, kissing his painfully hard member lovingly. Sho moaned, ready to take me again but I pushed him away. "Oh no, Sakurai, don't even think about it. It's a little punishment for masturbating yourself because of other men than me! Now, use your hand to come or call Porno-san, maybe they will give you a Wifi video for being such a good client." I smirked, leaving my naked Sho with a very big problem between his legs.
****
"So, how was your birthday night?" Kazu asked when we sat on his sofa, taking the joysticks.
"Wonderful." I beamed. Nino raised an eyebrow, surprised.
"Really? You..."
"I let him touch me without any fear. Maybe it's over."
"J, I'm happy to know that but you know perfectly this problem isn't over."
"But I didn't reject him last night and I didn't do weird things." I protested.
"It doesn't mean it will be the same tomorrow or the day after, Jun. You went through horrible things, you should see a specialist or at least, talk to Sho."
"Never!" I snapped. "I will never tell him, I can't Kazu, I can't lose him like that!"
"Don't you trust him? I'm sure Sho wouldn't leave you, he would understand and help you!"
"It's not just that, Kazu. I... I tried many times to tell him but I'm afraid... Everytime I try, the words keep stuck in my throat."
"But it's destroying your relationship." Nino protested.
"Do you think this situation pleases me?! Losing him is my worse fear, I can't live without Sho but..." I lowered my head, my hands shaking.
"J, I'm sorry..." Nino touched my arm but I froze and my friend waited for me to be used to this sensation before hugging me. I breathed deeply, trying not to freak out and finally managed to wrapped my arms around him.
"It's already a miracle that I can do what we do with Sho."
"It's not good to force yourself."
"I'm forcing myself, yes, but as I'm doing that for Sho, I can at least, feel a bit happy." I whispered.
"Jun, you know what I think about that but if tomorrow it happened to Satoshi, I would like him to tell me everything and not to suffer alone with all this pain. And you know how much I understand what happened."
"I know Kazu but..." The sound of the door cut me off.
"Tadaima!"
"Okaeri baby." Nino smiled.
"I have to go." I sighed.
"Don't think you can run away like that, we'll talk about it later." Nino warned. I kissed Ohno's cheek and left with a sad smile.
Nino ran toward his lover and hugged him tightly, pressing kisses on his neck.
"Kazu?"
"I love you."
"I know. I love you too."
"Satoshi, promise me that if one day you have a problem, you'll tell me. Promise me not to keep it in your heart and suffer alone." Nino implored.
"I won't do the same thing than Jun." Ohno smiled.
"Eh?" Nino gasped.
"Hey, I'm Arashi's leader, I know Jun is going through hard things and it's messing his relashionship with Sho."
"Did he..."
"Sho talked to me. He told me Jun was acting weirdly for lots of months."
"I see."
"Kazu, I know your friendship with Jun is very strong and I would like you to convince him to talk to Sho."
"What do you think?! I'm trying to make him talk to Sho for three fucking years!" Nino snapped.
"Eh?"
"Yes. It's been three years Jun keeps acting weirdly with Sho. At the beginning it was horrible but Jun managed to keep his fears deep inside but six months ago, something happened and now, Jun has to face something he is trying to forget since three years."
"Kazu..."
"I can't tell you Satoshi, I promised him not to but I'm worried, J isn't well and this mess is destroying him more than I thought. If Sho leaves him..." Nino stopped, shaking his head to push this idea away. No. Sho would never leave Jun.
*****
I sighed happily when the hot water touched my painful muscles. What a tough day! I was humming happily when two arms wrapped my waist and made me scream in fear like I never did.
"Jun, it's me!" Sho protested but I pushed him away and ran in our bedroom to sit in a corner, hugging my knees against me and shaking in fear, sobs leaving my throat. "Baby, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." Sho kneeled in front of me, ready to take my hand.
"Don't touch me!!!" I yelled, making him freeze.
"Jun..."
"Get out!!!" I shouted, tears rolling down my cheeks, my whole body trembling.
"But Jun..."
"I said, get out!!" I cried. Sho stood up and left the bedroom, lost. I buried my face in my knees, crying loudly. Kazu was right. It happened again. This shit would never leave me alone and I was hurting my lover now. I rocked my body backward and forward, trying to calm down. I don't know how long I stayed in the bedroom but when I entered the living room, Sho was sleeping on the sofa. I hate myself for behaving like that while he didn't deserve it nor understand it. Kneeling down, I stroked his cheek and kissed his forehead.
"I'm sorry." I whispered. "I love you so much, Sho."
"Me too." I jumped, Sho opening his eyes sleepily.
"I..."
"What's wrong Jun?"
"I... Nothing, you just scared me and as I'm tired, I reacted badly." I lied.
"Babe..."
"I'm sorry, it won't happen again." We knew perfectly I was lying. It would happen again. It would become worse the next time. But Sho gave up.
"Jun, I want to make love to you." Sho stroked my cheek. I closed my eyes, trying to push away my hatred.
"Okay." I answered after a deep breath. Sho lifted me in his arms and laid me down on the bed, kissing my body everywhere. After a while, I started to moan, gripping the sheets when Sho entered me. I arched my head, offering him my neck. My lover kissed my skin, his hands stroking every part of my body before stealing my lips for a deep kiss.
"Sho...." I moaned.
"I love you so much, Jun. Let it go my love." Sho whispered in my ear. I screamed in pleasure when he hit my spot, scratching his hip. I kept moaning loudly and Sho took my hand to link our fingers while he was thrusting harder and faster
"Sh-o!" I gasped, pleasure overwhelming me and erasing my disgust. "Sho... Sho... Sho..." I kept repeating, tightening my grip on his hand.
"You're so beautiful like that, Jun." Sho whined in my ear, moving roughly. I wrapped my legs around him, pushing him deeper inside me and coming hard between our stomachs. Sho gasped and after a few thrusts, released in me with a loud moan. I panted, exhausted. "You were amazing like always babe." Sho kissed me and fell next to me, wrapping my waist.
"You too." I smiled weakly.
I waited for him to fall alseep and left our bed, running in the bathroom to throw up. Tears were rolling down my cheeks and I took a shower, trying to erase Sho's touch on my body. I felt disgust. Disgust about myself, disgust about Sho. After 30 minutes and an empty bottle of soap, I left the shower and took my pyjamas. Sho was still sleeping deeply and with a sigh, I laid on the sofa, trying to get some sleep. Why couldn't I forget? Why did I have to make everybody suffer and to live with that? I knew this shit was destroying my couple but I was too afraid to talk to the love of my life and tell him he was disgusting me while my heart was only beating for him and while he was the only reason of the fact I was still alive today and hadn't thrown myself under a train...
To be continued...
A/N: So, I have finally decided, there will be 7 parts with a long last part xDDD
Author: MatsuAurore
Pairing: Sakumoto, Ohmiya (slight)
Rating: R
Genre: Drama, romance, angst, fluff
Disclaimer: Girls, they are already naked on my bed... In my dreams xD
Summary: The first time I met him, I immediatly fell in love with him. The first time I saw him, I understood he would become the most important part of my life. But what I didn't expect was his strong and free personality. When will you stop this game and will notice my deep feelings for you?
Part 4:
Jun's pov
I sighed while entering the green room. Everybody was acting weirdly with me since yesterday, even Sho who had refused to stay with me the last night after these amazing moment in the bus where Nino had filmed us while we were playing the fool like five children. I knew he was angry at me. For two months we were fighting regularly. I still loved him so much after these three years but something had changed between us and I was afraid to lose Sho. I was crazy about him like the first day he confessed his feelings for me but I was thinking my boyfriend didn't feel the same way anymore. And it hurt so damn much.
Sho was actually working a lot because of his new drama, Kisaratzu cat's eyes. He was so damn beautiful with his new haircut and color that showed his full pink mouth more than ever. With his piercing on his left ear, he was so sex. I was proud he was mine, that he was my man.
I was reaching my 20 years old today and was really becoming an adult. We had planned to take an apartment with Sho because it was more and more difficult to sleep together at my place, especially now I wanted to lead him in bed.
So, this morning, I woke up in a bad mood and checked my messages. None messages. My friends had forgotten me. Sadness invaded my heart because even my boyfriend hadn't sent me a message. He didn't spend the night with me and plus, forgot my birthday.
I left my bedroom as there was had a tour, we were sleeping in a hotel. Satoshi and Kazu had taken the same bedroom with only one bed while Aiba, Sho and me had just one for us. To be honest, I was jealous about Nino and Satoshi's relationship. They were as in love as the first day and had a very strong relationship.
"Ah, Matsumoto-kun, the staff is waiting for you there." My manager said. I checked my clock, I wasn't late, why does everybody was already ready?
"Sorry for being late!" I exclaimed while climbing on the stage but soon, froze when I saw my best friends and my lover here, microphones in their hands and smiles on their lips. A music started and my mouth fell opened in surprise.
Tears filled my eyes when I heard them singing a song Kazu had created just for me. They were amazing, how could I think they had forgotten me?
"Kimi wa motto motto, Matsumoto..." Nino ended.
Everybody screamed and clapped their hands while walking toward me with a big cake. I smiled widely like an idiot and bit in the cake, licking my mouth with my tongue. I caught Sho's look and gulped. He was staring at me with This look. This look when we were about to make love. Lust was shining in his deep brown eyes and my boyfriend wipped some cream on my chin.
"Here." Sho whispered, holding out his finger. I stared at him hungrily and took his finger in my mouth, licking the cream with naughty eyes. "You're going to pay for exciting me like that." Sho whispered while hugging me.
"I'm impatient." I smirked.
My friends gave me my presents and I almost burst into tears when I opened Sho's gift.
With all my love. You changed a lot but you are still my baby that drives me crazy anytime I'm seeing and touching you. I love you Ma-chan. Otanjoubi omedetou <3
In a box, I found a silver bracelet. It was simple yet, so beautiful.
"Look." Sho showed me an inscription on it.
"For the one who made me understand the meaning of 'love'. Sho"
Tears started to roll down my cheeks and without thinking, I jumped in Sho's arms to kiss him roughly. My lover chuckled and kissed me back, stroking my cheek with one hand and pressing our bodies together with the other.
"Luckily, we are alone." Nino smirked. We ignored him, too lost in our own world.
"I love you, Jun."
"Me too." I smiled and put the bracelet around my wrist where I knew he would stay forever.
This night would stay the best night of my life if I didn't count our first time together. We made love three times, Sho acting softer than ever before. Three perfect orgasms. We were just screaming in pleasure and I was hoping nobody would hear us. We fell asleep in each other's arms, Sho hugging me tightly against him. I felt so good and safe in his strong arms.
The next morning, I woke up with a breath tickling my ear.
"Hey." I smiled sleepily.
"Hey." Sho grinned, pecking my nose.
"Thank you for the bracelet, I love it." I whispered.
"I heard it last night." Sho smirked, making me blush deeply.
"You were also loud."
"Because making love with you is one of the best things of the world." Sho smiled.
"So, even after three years being together, you just love my body?" I teased him, knowing perfectly he was joking.
"I will never get tired of your amazing body but I also wouldn't get hard if there wasn't your smile and your beautiful personality."
"Well, we should get up." I muttered, blushing.
"No. Stay here!" Sho grabbed my arm to make me fall in his arms and hug me tightly.
"But..."
"Everybody was around you yesterday, I want you for myself now."
"Jealous caster." I chuckled.
"Of course I am, with all these perverts staring at you. Love you." Sho caught my mouth, preventing me to answer. Of course we made love the whole morning and ended up late once again.
When Sho left to take a shower, his phone started to buzz and I opened it, thinking it was maybe something important.
"Moshi mosh..."
"Sakurai-san, Sonoda-san from Ero's compagny." I blinked. What was that?
"Yes?"
"I'm calling to inform you you haven't paid this month and we will have to cancel your subscription if you don't pay quickly. As you are a very good customer, we let you three more days to pay."
"Excuse me?" I gasped. "What are you talking about?"
"Ano, you are a client of... Gay porn's world..." The woman said uncomfortably. "Is this Sakurai Sho-san?"
"Wakarimashita." I hang up, still shocked. I couldn't believe it. Sho Sakurai. My Sho Sakurai was a client of a gay porn website?!
"A problem, babe?" Sho asked when he saw me in the middle of the living room with a lost look.
"Yeah, honey, of course. I just wanted to tell you that your dear Porno-san called to say you haven't paid this month but as you are a big client, they will wait three more days." I said with an ironic tone.
"What?" Sho gasped, the towel around him falling on the ground.
"You heard me, pervert! Subscripting you to this kind of website when you have a boyfriend! You really are a big pervert, Sho!"
"But I can explain... I... It's because when you are too busy to make love, I..."
"You masturbate yourself in front of disgusting fags men?! I think you should pay because you won't be able to fuck me for a long long long moment! Say hello to your left hand for me, Sakurai!" I snapped, leaving him naked in the middle of our apartment.
I wasn't really mad at him but more offend. Didn't I give him enough? Why did he need to watch this kind of disgusting thing to... I shook my head, entering the green room.
After a moment, Ohno and Aiba joined me, followed by a panicked Sho. I frowned and looked away.
"My love, please."
"Stop with your 'my love', you just call me like that just when I'm mad at you!" I snapped.
"But babe, it's not a big deal..."
"Excuse me?" I raised an eyebrow in disbelief. "Your porn web site call you the day of my birthday to inform you that you haven't paid and as you are a very good client, they will wait three more days and you dare to tell me it's not a big deal?!" I heard Ohno gasping and Aiba chuckling but ignored them.
"Babe, it's just for when we are too busy to make love..." Sho blushed, making everything worse.
"You are a VERY GOOD client, Sho! We make love twice per day when we aren't too busy and four times per week when we are. What's the problem with you?!"
"Twice per day?! So lucky." Aiba muttered.
"I want to have you every time because I love you, Jun." Sho lowered his head, using his puppy eyes.
"Oh no, Bambi, stop using this trick with me!" I exclaimed. Sho smirked and grabbing my hand, ran away of the room. My lover pushed me in a small other room, attacking my lips hungrily.
"Sho, stop..."
"No. You wanted to know why I'm watching these kind of videos, so, I will tell you." Sho almost ripped our clothes and started to prepare me, not giving me the time to protest. Soon, my lover invaded me. I moaned loudly in pleasure, thightening around him.
"It's the reason. Because twice per day is not enough... I want to be inside you all the day, Jun. I want to hear you screaming my name every second, I want to form one every minute of the day. I love you so much, Jun and even a porn web site will never get me hard as I am when I see you and it will never give me the orgasms you give me when I fuck you or when your amazing mouth is sucking me so perfectly, my love." Sho panted. I moaned, biting his shoulder in pleasure. "Yes, baby, let me hear your voice, let me please you and drive you crazy..." Sho gasped.
"Sho...." I screamed when he hit my magical spot.
"You drive me crazy, Jun... I love you so damn much!"
"Harder, Sho..." I implored, tightening my legs around his waist. Sho chuckled and thrusted roughly, bringing stars in my eyes without even touching my hard length. I came hard between us, moaning in pleasure when Sho filled me with an erotic moan.
"Gosh..." Sho panted, slipping out of me.
"I'm dirty now." I pouted even if deep inside, I was grinning stupidly. He would really drive me crazy one day. Fucking Caster-san, always giving me amazing orgasms...
"It was pretty good." Sho beamed.
"As always. It was wonderful to feel big Sho-chan junior inside me." I stroked his length, waking it up. I kneeled down and licked it before swallowing it with delight. I sucked hard, feeling my lover's hands pushing on my head with happiness. "Sho-chan junior always tastes amazing in every part of me. I wish I could have it inside me again." I smiled, kissing his painfully hard member lovingly. Sho moaned, ready to take me again but I pushed him away. "Oh no, Sakurai, don't even think about it. It's a little punishment for masturbating yourself because of other men than me! Now, use your hand to come or call Porno-san, maybe they will give you a Wifi video for being such a good client." I smirked, leaving my naked Sho with a very big problem between his legs.
****
"So, how was your birthday night?" Kazu asked when we sat on his sofa, taking the joysticks.
"Wonderful." I beamed. Nino raised an eyebrow, surprised.
"Really? You..."
"I let him touch me without any fear. Maybe it's over."
"J, I'm happy to know that but you know perfectly this problem isn't over."
"But I didn't reject him last night and I didn't do weird things." I protested.
"It doesn't mean it will be the same tomorrow or the day after, Jun. You went through horrible things, you should see a specialist or at least, talk to Sho."
"Never!" I snapped. "I will never tell him, I can't Kazu, I can't lose him like that!"
"Don't you trust him? I'm sure Sho wouldn't leave you, he would understand and help you!"
"It's not just that, Kazu. I... I tried many times to tell him but I'm afraid... Everytime I try, the words keep stuck in my throat."
"But it's destroying your relationship." Nino protested.
"Do you think this situation pleases me?! Losing him is my worse fear, I can't live without Sho but..." I lowered my head, my hands shaking.
"J, I'm sorry..." Nino touched my arm but I froze and my friend waited for me to be used to this sensation before hugging me. I breathed deeply, trying not to freak out and finally managed to wrapped my arms around him.
"It's already a miracle that I can do what we do with Sho."
"It's not good to force yourself."
"I'm forcing myself, yes, but as I'm doing that for Sho, I can at least, feel a bit happy." I whispered.
"Jun, you know what I think about that but if tomorrow it happened to Satoshi, I would like him to tell me everything and not to suffer alone with all this pain. And you know how much I understand what happened."
"I know Kazu but..." The sound of the door cut me off.
"Tadaima!"
"Okaeri baby." Nino smiled.
"I have to go." I sighed.
"Don't think you can run away like that, we'll talk about it later." Nino warned. I kissed Ohno's cheek and left with a sad smile.
Nino ran toward his lover and hugged him tightly, pressing kisses on his neck.
"Kazu?"
"I love you."
"I know. I love you too."
"Satoshi, promise me that if one day you have a problem, you'll tell me. Promise me not to keep it in your heart and suffer alone." Nino implored.
"I won't do the same thing than Jun." Ohno smiled.
"Eh?" Nino gasped.
"Hey, I'm Arashi's leader, I know Jun is going through hard things and it's messing his relashionship with Sho."
"Did he..."
"Sho talked to me. He told me Jun was acting weirdly for lots of months."
"I see."
"Kazu, I know your friendship with Jun is very strong and I would like you to convince him to talk to Sho."
"What do you think?! I'm trying to make him talk to Sho for three fucking years!" Nino snapped.
"Eh?"
"Yes. It's been three years Jun keeps acting weirdly with Sho. At the beginning it was horrible but Jun managed to keep his fears deep inside but six months ago, something happened and now, Jun has to face something he is trying to forget since three years."
"Kazu..."
"I can't tell you Satoshi, I promised him not to but I'm worried, J isn't well and this mess is destroying him more than I thought. If Sho leaves him..." Nino stopped, shaking his head to push this idea away. No. Sho would never leave Jun.
*****
I sighed happily when the hot water touched my painful muscles. What a tough day! I was humming happily when two arms wrapped my waist and made me scream in fear like I never did.
"Jun, it's me!" Sho protested but I pushed him away and ran in our bedroom to sit in a corner, hugging my knees against me and shaking in fear, sobs leaving my throat. "Baby, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." Sho kneeled in front of me, ready to take my hand.
"Don't touch me!!!" I yelled, making him freeze.
"Jun..."
"Get out!!!" I shouted, tears rolling down my cheeks, my whole body trembling.
"But Jun..."
"I said, get out!!" I cried. Sho stood up and left the bedroom, lost. I buried my face in my knees, crying loudly. Kazu was right. It happened again. This shit would never leave me alone and I was hurting my lover now. I rocked my body backward and forward, trying to calm down. I don't know how long I stayed in the bedroom but when I entered the living room, Sho was sleeping on the sofa. I hate myself for behaving like that while he didn't deserve it nor understand it. Kneeling down, I stroked his cheek and kissed his forehead.
"I'm sorry." I whispered. "I love you so much, Sho."
"Me too." I jumped, Sho opening his eyes sleepily.
"I..."
"What's wrong Jun?"
"I... Nothing, you just scared me and as I'm tired, I reacted badly." I lied.
"Babe..."
"I'm sorry, it won't happen again." We knew perfectly I was lying. It would happen again. It would become worse the next time. But Sho gave up.
"Jun, I want to make love to you." Sho stroked my cheek. I closed my eyes, trying to push away my hatred.
"Okay." I answered after a deep breath. Sho lifted me in his arms and laid me down on the bed, kissing my body everywhere. After a while, I started to moan, gripping the sheets when Sho entered me. I arched my head, offering him my neck. My lover kissed my skin, his hands stroking every part of my body before stealing my lips for a deep kiss.
"Sho...." I moaned.
"I love you so much, Jun. Let it go my love." Sho whispered in my ear. I screamed in pleasure when he hit my spot, scratching his hip. I kept moaning loudly and Sho took my hand to link our fingers while he was thrusting harder and faster
"Sh-o!" I gasped, pleasure overwhelming me and erasing my disgust. "Sho... Sho... Sho..." I kept repeating, tightening my grip on his hand.
"You're so beautiful like that, Jun." Sho whined in my ear, moving roughly. I wrapped my legs around him, pushing him deeper inside me and coming hard between our stomachs. Sho gasped and after a few thrusts, released in me with a loud moan. I panted, exhausted. "You were amazing like always babe." Sho kissed me and fell next to me, wrapping my waist.
"You too." I smiled weakly.
I waited for him to fall alseep and left our bed, running in the bathroom to throw up. Tears were rolling down my cheeks and I took a shower, trying to erase Sho's touch on my body. I felt disgust. Disgust about myself, disgust about Sho. After 30 minutes and an empty bottle of soap, I left the shower and took my pyjamas. Sho was still sleeping deeply and with a sigh, I laid on the sofa, trying to get some sleep. Why couldn't I forget? Why did I have to make everybody suffer and to live with that? I knew this shit was destroying my couple but I was too afraid to talk to the love of my life and tell him he was disgusting me while my heart was only beating for him and while he was the only reason of the fact I was still alive today and hadn't thrown myself under a train...
To be continued...
A/N: So, I have finally decided, there will be 7 parts with a long last part xDDD