When will you notice me (8/9)
Title: When will you notice me?
Author: MatsuAurore
Pairing: Sakumoto, Ohmiya (slight)
Rating: R for violence
Genre: Drama, romance, angst, fluff
Disclaimer: Girls, they are already naked in my bed... In my dreams xD
Summary: The first time I met him, I immediately fell in love with him. The first time I saw him, I understood he would become the most important part of my life. But what I didn't expect was his strong and free personality. When will you stop this game and will notice my deep feelings for you?
Part 8:
"What were you playing at?!" A voice yelled at me in the room.
"Me? Nothing, I swear." I smiled innocently.
"Don't take me for an idiot, Jun!" Sho grabbed my wrist. I froze, losing my smile.
"Sorry."
"What's your fucking problem?!" Sho yelled angrily.
"I was playing, sorry." I tried to push him away but Sho threw me against the wall.
"Really? Was it funny?" I paled, panicking.
"Sho, stop!" I whispered.
"You wanted to play, we can play now!" Sho smirked.
"Sho, please, I'm sorry, stop that." I implored, tears filling my eyes.
"I thought you wanted to fuck. You miss my dick?! You haven't enough with your whores, bitch?!" Sho snapped.
"Sho, you're scaring me!" I sobbed. Sho froze when he saw my tears and released my hand.
"I'm sorry, Jun, I didn't mean..." I grabbed my bag, crying.
"I hate you, Sakurai Sho!" I yelled before slamming the door.
I ran, still crying. It couldn't be possible. The Sho I saw wasn't the real Sho I knew. My Sho was kind and soft with me and would have never acted like that.
****
"Jun, I'm sorry." Sho apologized the next day.
"Leave me alone." I snapped.
"Please, Jun!" Sho took my hand but I pushed him away.
"Don't touch me!" I yelled and froze, seeing Nino entering the room.
"What's wrong?!" Nino frowned. Sho released my wrist.
"Nothing."
"Jun, are you all right?"
"Yes." I smiled weakly. "I need some air, sorry." I left the room, ignoring their calls.
"What have you done to him?" Nino yelled.
"Nothing... I lost my self-control." Sho lowered his eyes.
"I swear I'll kill you if you touch him again, Sakurai!" Nino snapped.
****
After this day with Sho, I never tried to provoke him again but my ex continued to apologize and started to act more friendly toward me. The mood got better even if it wasn't like when we were dating. We were laughing and spending nights at Kazu and Ohchan's place again. The only difference was that Sho and I weren't talking a lot to each other but we were old enough to act like adults and not to spoil the mood more. I kept sleeping with Shun and lots of different men and was working twice harder, trying to keep my mind busy and planning or organizing everything. My friends congratulated me because our concerts got wonderful if you listened to the fans. As I was a big fan of Michael Jackson, I took some inspiration from his performances. I added lots of fireworks, water's effects and as I liked to play the DJ, added it for the first time in Arafes 2012. It won a big success, bringing new things and beautiful shows for our fans. But all these things had a price. I hadn't any social life anymore. I was only working, eating a bit, sleeping a bit and again, working. My life was just turning around this word. I even stopped to sleep with men or Shun, too exhausted and too busy.
"Are you sure?" The man asked.
"Yes. I want a new haircut for a new beginning." I nodded, staring at my reflect.
"If you say so."
Even if I wouldn't stop to love Sho, I wanted to move on. I was finally able to change and try to forget him. It took me ten years to overcome our break-up but I couldn't cry over him all my life. My psychologist said I was making good progresses, my career was on the top and now, I had to heal my heart.
"I love it." I smiled, looking at my short brown hair.
"It's a Korean style."
"It changes a lot but it's perfect, thank you." I grinned.
Of course it changed a lot but it suited me. It was like me.
"OMG, Jun, your hair!!!" Aiba screamed when I entered the green room the next day.
"I know."
"I love!!! You're even more gorgeous!" Aiba beamed.
"Thank you."
"He is right." Ohno and Nino smiled. Sho didn't say anything but I didn't really care (or was trying not to care).
"I needed a new haircut because I've decided to change!"
"Yeah, you will stop to be such a DoS?!" Aiba exclaimed.
"No. I've decided to date someone." I blushed.
"No way! Who is the lucky one?!" Nino screamed.
"Toma."
"I knew you would fall for him, you two suit each other perfectly and plus, Toma is gorgeous." Ohno smiled.
"I'm not in love yet but I've decided to try, I'm sure I'll soon fall for him, after all, we are sleeping together for 4 years."
"Sorry." Sho stood up and left the green room under our surprised eyes.
"I'm going after him." Nino stated.
****
"Sho?" Nino followed the caster on the roof.
"What do you want?! You want to reproach me everything, don't you think I have suffered enough?!" Sho yelled, taking a deep puff of his cigarette with shaking hand.
"No. I wanted to apologize." Sho blinked at the gamer's words.
"Why?"
"Because I went too far with you and not just yesterday. You are a precious friend, Sho, but when something touches Jun, I become crazy because he saved me and he is the reason why I'm alive today." Nino whispered, lowering his head.
"What do you mean?" Sho frowned.
"I promised. I promised Jun not to tell you this but I can't stand our situation anymore. I can't stand seeing my best friends suffering like that. Arashi is a mess because of me, our friendship is a mess because of this fucking secret. Jun needs you, not me. Not anymore." Nino sighed. Sho blinked, seeing tears rolling down the gamer's cheeks. He had never seen him so fragile.
"Nino, I'm sorry for being so mean with you but this story is destroying everybody. I know you promised but if it continues, I won't be able to stay in Arashi. It's too hard for me."
"What I'm going to tell you is horrible, I want you to promise me not to react without thinking and not to tell Jun I've betrayed him." Nino implored.
"Alright." Nino sat on the ground, Sho coming next to him.
"As you know, I met Aiba and Jun before entering the Johnny's. We became the best friends of the world, our characters matching perfectly. Aiba was already excited, always smiling and laughing while Jun was shyer, looking like an innocent baby. We became close very quickly and I found in Jun someone who never judged me. I was trusting him more than my own family. But one day, some students older than us started to bully me. At the beginning I didn't tell anything to Aiba and Jun but one day, J found me at the wrong moment." Nino looked at the gap with empty eyes.
"What..."
"They had decided that my butt was cute and I don't need to explain you what it means. After my training, they caught me. But what they didn't expect was to be found by Jun." Nino closed his eyes, pain shining on his face.
"What happened?"
"They caught him before he could run away for some help. And...as Jun was screaming, they threatened him. They made him choose. Me or him. I think I started to hate myself for not fighting more. I should have yelled more..." Nino grabbed his head, crying silently.
"They..."
"They raped him in front of me. He was crying and screaming your name with despair while three of them were holding me and forcing me to look. He...he saved me. He could have left but he chose me." Nino started to cry loudly.
"They..." Sho couldn't even say the word, his face as pale as the death. Anger, hatred and pain invading him.
"I told Jun to go to the police but he refused. I learned later why..."
"They threatened him?" I wasn't really a question.
"Yes. They told him they would rape me and one day, they sent us a picture of his sister. If we talked, they would... Jun tried to hide me everything but I discovered one of them was still raping him. It's at this time he started to change like you know. He lost his smile, became colder, lost his innocence and this natural side he had. And he became afraid by other's touch. He was staying in the shower for hours, washing his skin so much that sometimes he was bleeding. It killed me to see him like that but I couldn't do anything. So, I decided to ask for help. I knew people who could stop this mess. I paid someone and they took care of the guys who had raped Jun. After that, Jun made me swear not to tell you a word about this story and I never betrayed him because it was my fault if these bastards had destroyed him. I hated myself so much." Nino sobbed. Sho wrapped him in his arms, allowing the gamer to cry in his neck.
"You should have told me. It's not your fault if Jun chose to protect you. He did it because you were more important for him than himself."
"He saved me. He..if it had been me, I think I wouldn't be alive today. It's the reason why I become so harsh when someone makes him suffer. And it made me forget you also were suffering in this story and I was unfair with you. I'm sorry Sho." Nino bowed deeply.
"It's okay, I understand, I think I would have done the same." Sho smiled.
"There is another problem..." Nino said softly.
"What?"
"Ano... Some days ago, one of the guys came back and is trying to harm Jun again..."
"I'll kill him!" Sho stood up, anger shining on his face.
"Wait, Sho! Don't tell Jun I've told you everything. I already hate myself, if he hated me..."
"Okay, but I'll stop this story myself!" Sho said with a determinate face.
"Sho, keep in mind Jun won't accept you just because you solve this mess. He is traumatized and has a deep hatred for himself and his body. You have to make him realize that this thing doesn't change your feelings for him."
"I will "
"He is seing a psychologist for a while, it might help you."
"Thank you for telling me the truth, Nino."
"I'm sorry."
"It's okay. Nino, we will fix Arashi and I promise that even if Jun doesn't want me, we will work to find the friendship we had before we started to date. Arashi won't suffer anymore. But you should tell everything to Ohchan."
"I did it yesterday night. It was hard but I should have done that a long time ago. It's him who convinced me fully to tell you the truth."
"Everything will be fine, I swear." Sho hugged the younger, hoping to be right and that Jun wouldn't push him away again.
****
When I left the room, I saw Nino and Sho talking, Nino had red and swollen eyes a if he had cried and tears were shining in Sho's eyes.
"Kazu..." I started.
"Jun."
"What's wrong?" I asked.
"Nothing." Sho replied before leaving. I looked at Nino with surprise but my friend shook his head and smiled.
"We talked a bit, I think we both needed it." I frowned. I was hoping Nino hadn't told him the truth. "You look exhausted, J, it's over for today, go home and sleep." Kazu kissed my cheek.
"Okay." I sighed. I fell asleep in 30 seconds when I collapsed on my bed, hugging Sho's old pillow tightly against me.
"Masaki, have you seen Kazu?!" I asked.
"Mmm I think he had a training today, he must be on the field." Aiba smiled.
"Okay. See you tomorrow then!" I kissed Aiba's cheek before running toward the field but loud voices made me stop. I looked at the place between the lockers and one of the training's room and froze. There were four guys, older than me and one of them was hitting Kazu.
"Stop that!!!" I yelled, making them jump.
"J, get out!" Kazu shouted, wiping the blood on his mouth.
"I..." I wanted to call for help but one of the guy caught my arm and threw me on the ground.
"He has nothing to do with that, let him go!" Nino implored.
"He saw us and will say everything to someone." One of the guy snapped.
"Let us go!!!" I yelled as loud as possible.
"He is cute when he yells."
"Please, let him go!" Nino begged.
"Don't you dare to approach us or I'll scream!" I snapped.
"He is cute but stupid!" The guy smirked, grabbing my collar. "Listen, cutie, I have a deal. It's you or your friend."
"What do you mean?" I whispered in fear.
"What do you prefer? You could spend some time with us and if it's the case, your friend will be safe but if you refuse, we let you go and we keep him. So, what do you want? Is he really precious for you?"
"Shut up! Jun leave please, don't think about me, I'll be fine!"
"Urusai, Kazunari!" I yelled. "Do what you want with me but let him go." I said, trying to hide the fear invading me.
"Good choice, cutie."
"No, Jun!!!"
"Hold his friend, I want him to see how he has destroyed this cute one." The guy pushed me hard against the wall, unzipping my jeans. I tried to struggle but he was stronger than me. "Make him look!" The guy ordered to his friends who were holding Nino who was crying and trying to push then away. "Now, the party is starting." The guy smirked. When I felt him inside me, I screamed like I never did, imploring, begging, calling Sho's name with despair. It was horrible, I just wanted to die but they continued. First, this Takeshi and then, his friends. They all came and killed me while some of them were making Kazu look at me. I saw his crying face, the despair in his voice, I saw him fighting to push them away but despite all this pain, I knew I had taken the right decision. Kazu was more important in my eyes than myself. When they stopped, I fell on the ground, blood covering my thighs.
"Jun!!!" Nino cried, wrapping me in his arms. I smiled weakly, a tear rolling down my cheek.
"I'm glad you're all right." I whispered before closing my eyes, exhausted.
I opened my eyes slowly, pain invading my back. So, it was real, it really happened...
"Jun!" Nino grabbed my hands.
"Kazu..."
"I'm so sorry Jun... I... I can't forgive myself for what happened! I should have protected you!"
"It's not your fault. I'm fine, it's over now." I forced a smile. Of course nothing was right but at least, Kazu was safe. I stayed two weeks in bed, my mother thinking I was only sick. The worst was for Sho. I couldn't see him, I didn't want him to see him in this state. I was crying every day, spending hours in the shower but water never erased the disgust I had of my body nor the sensations of them inside me. They had raped me. They had touched what was only for Sho. What could I do now?
"Jun, how do you feel?" Kazu asked me when I came back.
"I'm fine." I lied with a fake smile.
I wasn't fine at all but didn't know everything would get worse.
"Ma ma ma, Matsumoto is back." A voice made me jump as I was walking toward the field.
"What do you want?" I asked coldly.
"You owe me something." Takeshi stuck me against the wall, licking my neck.
"Stop or I scream!"
"If you struggle or even say a word about this, your precious Kazu will be the next. And after him, this Aiba. And if it's not enough, I've seen how beautiful your sister is, I could spend some time with her."
"Don't touch her!!!" I snapped.
"So, what is your answer? Do we have a deal?" Takeshi smirked.
"Yes." I lowered my head, giving up. They were more precious than myself.
"Good boy."
For six months, this hell continued. I was slowly becoming crazy, trying to forget every time Takeshi was fucking me. I felt so dirty. I was cheating on Sho and offering him a disgusting body. Other's touch became my worst fear, I was panicking any time someone was patting my shoulder or trying to hug me. And when Sho wanted to kiss me or make love to me, I was turning in a monster, pushing him away or throwing up when he was asleep. The love of my life was becoming an enemy and I was scared of him. Of every noise outside, even in my bedroom. I had horrible nightmares and was trying not to throw me under a train. Life had no meaning anymore. It was just painful to live. Sho was the only reason for why I wanted to fight.
"Jun, we should tell everything to the police." Nino repeated again this day.
"No. Did you think if Johnny learned about that? If the press learned about what happened? In some months it will be over and you'll be safe with Masaki and my sister. I just have to deal with that for the moment."
"But, Jun..."
"If you really feel that bad for what happened and if you want to keep our friendship, don't tell anything. Forget this story and I'll do the same." I cut him off. Nino nodded, knowing I was serious and also afraid for Masaki and my sister since Takeshi had sent me a picture of her with a warning. I just had to be strong now. But six months later, everything stopped. Takeshi never appeared again and I was sure Kazu had something to do in this story. A part of me was grateful because he had stopped this torture before I could definitely break-down.
I opened my eyes, breathing with difficulty. Why have I done this dream? It had been a long time since I had dreamt about this day. The day where my life stopped. Because even if felt better to talk about it to a professional, it was hard for me to accept my body and the other's touch.
"Don't you think you should tell Sakurai-san what you feel?" My doctor asked.
"I've hurt him enough." I sighed.
"Maybe hiding him all this story and your pain made him suffer more than if you had told him the truth."
"I know. I know everything is my fault, sometimes, I don't understand myself."
"Don't be so mean with yourself. Every person who was raped reacts in the same way. You're ashamed of yourself, you think everybody will hate you and you feel as if you had betrayed your lover. Even of you refuse to tell Sakurai the truth, don't you think you should tell him what you feel? To move on, you have to put a word on your feelings, it's a way to accept the things." My psychologist smiled kindly.
"You think I should tell him?"
"Yes. What you feel actually, what you feel since this day. He will be able to understand you better and to move on too. And maybe you will find again the friendship you two were sharing before."
"I'll try then. I'll talk to him."
"You'll tell me how it was next week."
"Thank you sensei."
Maybe he was right. Maybe I should end this pain by telling what I feel to Sho. Maybe we could stay friends if he knew that I'm suffering and don't want to lose him completely nor Arashi...
To be continued...
A/N: okay, don't hate me for this chapter, I know it's horrible but... Jun and Kazu went through Ijime when they were younger so, I decided to use it for this fic, it's the reason why Nino never betrayed his promise toward Jun, even it wasn't the best thing to do, he thought it was the right decision; Sometimes, we don't have other choices xD. Well, at least, Jun has decided to talk to Sho to save their friendship. Everything will end in the next part and I hope nobody will hate me for the sadness of this fic xDDD See you next week end for the end ^^
Author: MatsuAurore
Pairing: Sakumoto, Ohmiya (slight)
Rating: R for violence
Genre: Drama, romance, angst, fluff
Disclaimer: Girls, they are already naked in my bed... In my dreams xD
Summary: The first time I met him, I immediately fell in love with him. The first time I saw him, I understood he would become the most important part of my life. But what I didn't expect was his strong and free personality. When will you stop this game and will notice my deep feelings for you?
Part 8:
"What were you playing at?!" A voice yelled at me in the room.
"Me? Nothing, I swear." I smiled innocently.
"Don't take me for an idiot, Jun!" Sho grabbed my wrist. I froze, losing my smile.
"Sorry."
"What's your fucking problem?!" Sho yelled angrily.
"I was playing, sorry." I tried to push him away but Sho threw me against the wall.
"Really? Was it funny?" I paled, panicking.
"Sho, stop!" I whispered.
"You wanted to play, we can play now!" Sho smirked.
"Sho, please, I'm sorry, stop that." I implored, tears filling my eyes.
"I thought you wanted to fuck. You miss my dick?! You haven't enough with your whores, bitch?!" Sho snapped.
"Sho, you're scaring me!" I sobbed. Sho froze when he saw my tears and released my hand.
"I'm sorry, Jun, I didn't mean..." I grabbed my bag, crying.
"I hate you, Sakurai Sho!" I yelled before slamming the door.
I ran, still crying. It couldn't be possible. The Sho I saw wasn't the real Sho I knew. My Sho was kind and soft with me and would have never acted like that.
****
"Jun, I'm sorry." Sho apologized the next day.
"Leave me alone." I snapped.
"Please, Jun!" Sho took my hand but I pushed him away.
"Don't touch me!" I yelled and froze, seeing Nino entering the room.
"What's wrong?!" Nino frowned. Sho released my wrist.
"Nothing."
"Jun, are you all right?"
"Yes." I smiled weakly. "I need some air, sorry." I left the room, ignoring their calls.
"What have you done to him?" Nino yelled.
"Nothing... I lost my self-control." Sho lowered his eyes.
"I swear I'll kill you if you touch him again, Sakurai!" Nino snapped.
****
After this day with Sho, I never tried to provoke him again but my ex continued to apologize and started to act more friendly toward me. The mood got better even if it wasn't like when we were dating. We were laughing and spending nights at Kazu and Ohchan's place again. The only difference was that Sho and I weren't talking a lot to each other but we were old enough to act like adults and not to spoil the mood more. I kept sleeping with Shun and lots of different men and was working twice harder, trying to keep my mind busy and planning or organizing everything. My friends congratulated me because our concerts got wonderful if you listened to the fans. As I was a big fan of Michael Jackson, I took some inspiration from his performances. I added lots of fireworks, water's effects and as I liked to play the DJ, added it for the first time in Arafes 2012. It won a big success, bringing new things and beautiful shows for our fans. But all these things had a price. I hadn't any social life anymore. I was only working, eating a bit, sleeping a bit and again, working. My life was just turning around this word. I even stopped to sleep with men or Shun, too exhausted and too busy.
"Are you sure?" The man asked.
"Yes. I want a new haircut for a new beginning." I nodded, staring at my reflect.
"If you say so."
Even if I wouldn't stop to love Sho, I wanted to move on. I was finally able to change and try to forget him. It took me ten years to overcome our break-up but I couldn't cry over him all my life. My psychologist said I was making good progresses, my career was on the top and now, I had to heal my heart.
"I love it." I smiled, looking at my short brown hair.
"It's a Korean style."
"It changes a lot but it's perfect, thank you." I grinned.
Of course it changed a lot but it suited me. It was like me.
"OMG, Jun, your hair!!!" Aiba screamed when I entered the green room the next day.
"I know."
"I love!!! You're even more gorgeous!" Aiba beamed.
"Thank you."
"He is right." Ohno and Nino smiled. Sho didn't say anything but I didn't really care (or was trying not to care).
"I needed a new haircut because I've decided to change!"
"Yeah, you will stop to be such a DoS?!" Aiba exclaimed.
"No. I've decided to date someone." I blushed.
"No way! Who is the lucky one?!" Nino screamed.
"Toma."
"I knew you would fall for him, you two suit each other perfectly and plus, Toma is gorgeous." Ohno smiled.
"I'm not in love yet but I've decided to try, I'm sure I'll soon fall for him, after all, we are sleeping together for 4 years."
"Sorry." Sho stood up and left the green room under our surprised eyes.
"I'm going after him." Nino stated.
****
"Sho?" Nino followed the caster on the roof.
"What do you want?! You want to reproach me everything, don't you think I have suffered enough?!" Sho yelled, taking a deep puff of his cigarette with shaking hand.
"No. I wanted to apologize." Sho blinked at the gamer's words.
"Why?"
"Because I went too far with you and not just yesterday. You are a precious friend, Sho, but when something touches Jun, I become crazy because he saved me and he is the reason why I'm alive today." Nino whispered, lowering his head.
"What do you mean?" Sho frowned.
"I promised. I promised Jun not to tell you this but I can't stand our situation anymore. I can't stand seeing my best friends suffering like that. Arashi is a mess because of me, our friendship is a mess because of this fucking secret. Jun needs you, not me. Not anymore." Nino sighed. Sho blinked, seeing tears rolling down the gamer's cheeks. He had never seen him so fragile.
"Nino, I'm sorry for being so mean with you but this story is destroying everybody. I know you promised but if it continues, I won't be able to stay in Arashi. It's too hard for me."
"What I'm going to tell you is horrible, I want you to promise me not to react without thinking and not to tell Jun I've betrayed him." Nino implored.
"Alright." Nino sat on the ground, Sho coming next to him.
"As you know, I met Aiba and Jun before entering the Johnny's. We became the best friends of the world, our characters matching perfectly. Aiba was already excited, always smiling and laughing while Jun was shyer, looking like an innocent baby. We became close very quickly and I found in Jun someone who never judged me. I was trusting him more than my own family. But one day, some students older than us started to bully me. At the beginning I didn't tell anything to Aiba and Jun but one day, J found me at the wrong moment." Nino looked at the gap with empty eyes.
"What..."
"They had decided that my butt was cute and I don't need to explain you what it means. After my training, they caught me. But what they didn't expect was to be found by Jun." Nino closed his eyes, pain shining on his face.
"What happened?"
"They caught him before he could run away for some help. And...as Jun was screaming, they threatened him. They made him choose. Me or him. I think I started to hate myself for not fighting more. I should have yelled more..." Nino grabbed his head, crying silently.
"They..."
"They raped him in front of me. He was crying and screaming your name with despair while three of them were holding me and forcing me to look. He...he saved me. He could have left but he chose me." Nino started to cry loudly.
"They..." Sho couldn't even say the word, his face as pale as the death. Anger, hatred and pain invading him.
"I told Jun to go to the police but he refused. I learned later why..."
"They threatened him?" I wasn't really a question.
"Yes. They told him they would rape me and one day, they sent us a picture of his sister. If we talked, they would... Jun tried to hide me everything but I discovered one of them was still raping him. It's at this time he started to change like you know. He lost his smile, became colder, lost his innocence and this natural side he had. And he became afraid by other's touch. He was staying in the shower for hours, washing his skin so much that sometimes he was bleeding. It killed me to see him like that but I couldn't do anything. So, I decided to ask for help. I knew people who could stop this mess. I paid someone and they took care of the guys who had raped Jun. After that, Jun made me swear not to tell you a word about this story and I never betrayed him because it was my fault if these bastards had destroyed him. I hated myself so much." Nino sobbed. Sho wrapped him in his arms, allowing the gamer to cry in his neck.
"You should have told me. It's not your fault if Jun chose to protect you. He did it because you were more important for him than himself."
"He saved me. He..if it had been me, I think I wouldn't be alive today. It's the reason why I become so harsh when someone makes him suffer. And it made me forget you also were suffering in this story and I was unfair with you. I'm sorry Sho." Nino bowed deeply.
"It's okay, I understand, I think I would have done the same." Sho smiled.
"There is another problem..." Nino said softly.
"What?"
"Ano... Some days ago, one of the guys came back and is trying to harm Jun again..."
"I'll kill him!" Sho stood up, anger shining on his face.
"Wait, Sho! Don't tell Jun I've told you everything. I already hate myself, if he hated me..."
"Okay, but I'll stop this story myself!" Sho said with a determinate face.
"Sho, keep in mind Jun won't accept you just because you solve this mess. He is traumatized and has a deep hatred for himself and his body. You have to make him realize that this thing doesn't change your feelings for him."
"I will "
"He is seing a psychologist for a while, it might help you."
"Thank you for telling me the truth, Nino."
"I'm sorry."
"It's okay. Nino, we will fix Arashi and I promise that even if Jun doesn't want me, we will work to find the friendship we had before we started to date. Arashi won't suffer anymore. But you should tell everything to Ohchan."
"I did it yesterday night. It was hard but I should have done that a long time ago. It's him who convinced me fully to tell you the truth."
"Everything will be fine, I swear." Sho hugged the younger, hoping to be right and that Jun wouldn't push him away again.
****
When I left the room, I saw Nino and Sho talking, Nino had red and swollen eyes a if he had cried and tears were shining in Sho's eyes.
"Kazu..." I started.
"Jun."
"What's wrong?" I asked.
"Nothing." Sho replied before leaving. I looked at Nino with surprise but my friend shook his head and smiled.
"We talked a bit, I think we both needed it." I frowned. I was hoping Nino hadn't told him the truth. "You look exhausted, J, it's over for today, go home and sleep." Kazu kissed my cheek.
"Okay." I sighed. I fell asleep in 30 seconds when I collapsed on my bed, hugging Sho's old pillow tightly against me.
"Masaki, have you seen Kazu?!" I asked.
"Mmm I think he had a training today, he must be on the field." Aiba smiled.
"Okay. See you tomorrow then!" I kissed Aiba's cheek before running toward the field but loud voices made me stop. I looked at the place between the lockers and one of the training's room and froze. There were four guys, older than me and one of them was hitting Kazu.
"Stop that!!!" I yelled, making them jump.
"J, get out!" Kazu shouted, wiping the blood on his mouth.
"I..." I wanted to call for help but one of the guy caught my arm and threw me on the ground.
"He has nothing to do with that, let him go!" Nino implored.
"He saw us and will say everything to someone." One of the guy snapped.
"Let us go!!!" I yelled as loud as possible.
"He is cute when he yells."
"Please, let him go!" Nino begged.
"Don't you dare to approach us or I'll scream!" I snapped.
"He is cute but stupid!" The guy smirked, grabbing my collar. "Listen, cutie, I have a deal. It's you or your friend."
"What do you mean?" I whispered in fear.
"What do you prefer? You could spend some time with us and if it's the case, your friend will be safe but if you refuse, we let you go and we keep him. So, what do you want? Is he really precious for you?"
"Shut up! Jun leave please, don't think about me, I'll be fine!"
"Urusai, Kazunari!" I yelled. "Do what you want with me but let him go." I said, trying to hide the fear invading me.
"Good choice, cutie."
"No, Jun!!!"
"Hold his friend, I want him to see how he has destroyed this cute one." The guy pushed me hard against the wall, unzipping my jeans. I tried to struggle but he was stronger than me. "Make him look!" The guy ordered to his friends who were holding Nino who was crying and trying to push then away. "Now, the party is starting." The guy smirked. When I felt him inside me, I screamed like I never did, imploring, begging, calling Sho's name with despair. It was horrible, I just wanted to die but they continued. First, this Takeshi and then, his friends. They all came and killed me while some of them were making Kazu look at me. I saw his crying face, the despair in his voice, I saw him fighting to push them away but despite all this pain, I knew I had taken the right decision. Kazu was more important in my eyes than myself. When they stopped, I fell on the ground, blood covering my thighs.
"Jun!!!" Nino cried, wrapping me in his arms. I smiled weakly, a tear rolling down my cheek.
"I'm glad you're all right." I whispered before closing my eyes, exhausted.
I opened my eyes slowly, pain invading my back. So, it was real, it really happened...
"Jun!" Nino grabbed my hands.
"Kazu..."
"I'm so sorry Jun... I... I can't forgive myself for what happened! I should have protected you!"
"It's not your fault. I'm fine, it's over now." I forced a smile. Of course nothing was right but at least, Kazu was safe. I stayed two weeks in bed, my mother thinking I was only sick. The worst was for Sho. I couldn't see him, I didn't want him to see him in this state. I was crying every day, spending hours in the shower but water never erased the disgust I had of my body nor the sensations of them inside me. They had raped me. They had touched what was only for Sho. What could I do now?
"Jun, how do you feel?" Kazu asked me when I came back.
"I'm fine." I lied with a fake smile.
I wasn't fine at all but didn't know everything would get worse.
"Ma ma ma, Matsumoto is back." A voice made me jump as I was walking toward the field.
"What do you want?" I asked coldly.
"You owe me something." Takeshi stuck me against the wall, licking my neck.
"Stop or I scream!"
"If you struggle or even say a word about this, your precious Kazu will be the next. And after him, this Aiba. And if it's not enough, I've seen how beautiful your sister is, I could spend some time with her."
"Don't touch her!!!" I snapped.
"So, what is your answer? Do we have a deal?" Takeshi smirked.
"Yes." I lowered my head, giving up. They were more precious than myself.
"Good boy."
For six months, this hell continued. I was slowly becoming crazy, trying to forget every time Takeshi was fucking me. I felt so dirty. I was cheating on Sho and offering him a disgusting body. Other's touch became my worst fear, I was panicking any time someone was patting my shoulder or trying to hug me. And when Sho wanted to kiss me or make love to me, I was turning in a monster, pushing him away or throwing up when he was asleep. The love of my life was becoming an enemy and I was scared of him. Of every noise outside, even in my bedroom. I had horrible nightmares and was trying not to throw me under a train. Life had no meaning anymore. It was just painful to live. Sho was the only reason for why I wanted to fight.
"Jun, we should tell everything to the police." Nino repeated again this day.
"No. Did you think if Johnny learned about that? If the press learned about what happened? In some months it will be over and you'll be safe with Masaki and my sister. I just have to deal with that for the moment."
"But, Jun..."
"If you really feel that bad for what happened and if you want to keep our friendship, don't tell anything. Forget this story and I'll do the same." I cut him off. Nino nodded, knowing I was serious and also afraid for Masaki and my sister since Takeshi had sent me a picture of her with a warning. I just had to be strong now. But six months later, everything stopped. Takeshi never appeared again and I was sure Kazu had something to do in this story. A part of me was grateful because he had stopped this torture before I could definitely break-down.
I opened my eyes, breathing with difficulty. Why have I done this dream? It had been a long time since I had dreamt about this day. The day where my life stopped. Because even if felt better to talk about it to a professional, it was hard for me to accept my body and the other's touch.
"Don't you think you should tell Sakurai-san what you feel?" My doctor asked.
"I've hurt him enough." I sighed.
"Maybe hiding him all this story and your pain made him suffer more than if you had told him the truth."
"I know. I know everything is my fault, sometimes, I don't understand myself."
"Don't be so mean with yourself. Every person who was raped reacts in the same way. You're ashamed of yourself, you think everybody will hate you and you feel as if you had betrayed your lover. Even of you refuse to tell Sakurai the truth, don't you think you should tell him what you feel? To move on, you have to put a word on your feelings, it's a way to accept the things." My psychologist smiled kindly.
"You think I should tell him?"
"Yes. What you feel actually, what you feel since this day. He will be able to understand you better and to move on too. And maybe you will find again the friendship you two were sharing before."
"I'll try then. I'll talk to him."
"You'll tell me how it was next week."
"Thank you sensei."
Maybe he was right. Maybe I should end this pain by telling what I feel to Sho. Maybe we could stay friends if he knew that I'm suffering and don't want to lose him completely nor Arashi...
To be continued...
A/N: okay, don't hate me for this chapter, I know it's horrible but... Jun and Kazu went through Ijime when they were younger so, I decided to use it for this fic, it's the reason why Nino never betrayed his promise toward Jun, even it wasn't the best thing to do, he thought it was the right decision; Sometimes, we don't have other choices xD. Well, at least, Jun has decided to talk to Sho to save their friendship. Everything will end in the next part and I hope nobody will hate me for the sadness of this fic xDDD See you next week end for the end ^^