All these things we don't tell each other (chapter 5)
Title: All these things we don't tell each other
Author: MatsuAurore
Banner: Lilisan31 <3
Pairings: Yama, Ohmiya, Junba
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Au, romance, drama, angst
Disclaimer: Bad for me, only own the plot T.T
Summary: What can you do when the person you love more than your own life is only looking at your best friend? What can you do when you know this person would never see you like you see her? And if your biggest wish came true but at the same time, getting close to her also meant pushing her farther from you...
Chapter 5:
"Living is easy with closed eyes..."
Masaki
I met Jun at one of my parties and to be honest, I fell in love with him at first sight. He was gorgeous with his short brown hair, his wonderful smile and his beautiful eyes. Jun was smart and kind despite his cold appearance with the others, it was a mask because he didn't have much self-confidence and was afraid about being lonely. We started dating the night of my party after a torrid love session and he asked me to live with him seven months later. I met Nino this night and started to feel a deep friendship for him. Jun explained to me Nino's problem and why he needed him the night. To be honest, I didn't accept my boyfriend was sleeping with another man at the beginning; I even reacted badly, threatening Jun that I would leave him but with time, I understood Jun and Nino were like brothers and needed each other. I still feel guilty for acting in a so horrible way but my boyfriend never felt any grudge against me. I trusted Jun and despite my jealousy, left him stay with Nino some days per week. In fact, I was afraid Nino would kill himself since I've ever seen one of his crises one day when he slept at our apartment. We found him screaming in our living room with a knife, sinking it in the pillows with a panicked face and empty eyes. I didn't want one of my friends harm himself because of a fucking bastard who had destroyed his life. Jun and Nino shared everything they had, there was none secret between them as if they were twins. Nino was in love with Ohchan, everybody knew it except Ohchan but we were talking about someone who could sleep on his legs.
But when Ohchan started to date Sho, Nino changed. He lost many weight, seemed more tired than usually and distant. It killed him seeing the man he loved with one of his friends. I knew he was trying to deal without Ohchan to let him live his relationship with Sho but Ohchan always came back to him. I think Satoshi needed him but also loved him. Of course Ohno loved Sho but his feelings for Nino were too deep. I was afraid at how this story would end. One day, someone would suffer because of these feelings. One day, a friendship would be destroyed. But despite Sho’s possessive behavior, I understood him. Yes. If I hadn’t seen one of Nino’s crises, I probably would have kept my wrong behavior. Sho was someone who had suffered a lot in the past because of his first love that had cheated on him with his ex-best friend. When someone you loved with all you heart betrayed your trust with the person you trusted with your life, I think it left sequels. This story destroyed Sho and he never dated someone else after that. Since the day he met Ohchan. Satoshi changed him. He gave him a new self-confidence and brought a new happiness in his life. But despite Ohchan’s love, Sho still had doubts and as Nino was in love with his lover, was scared of losing Satoshi. I think nobody could really understand Nino’s problem if you hadn’t seen it with your own eyes. That’s why I couldn’t completely blame Sho. He also suffered about this situation and didn’t understand how dangerous it was for Nino to stay alone.
One day, Ohchan would have to choose and Nino would suffer more than ever because of Satoshi's real love. I wanted to help but couldn't do anything that's why I let Jun sleeping next to Nino when he needed it. I even proposed Jun to let Nino live with us but my boyfriend refused, saying it wouldn't help Nino to overcome his trauma and plus, he didn't want to spoil our relationship and our sex life because Nino would hear me screaming too loudly as Jun said someday. Was I this loud when JunJun was making love to me? Maybe, he was always too good, after all.
Now, Ohchan and Sho were together for almost eight months when Kazu started to make his worst crises. I knew it because Jun told me. He told me Nino had almost thrown himself by his window. My Gosh... How could you believe something was so real that you tried to kill yourself?
How Sho will deal with that?
Jun
It was the first time Kazu was lying to me and I felt angry. How could he lie to me like that? How could he think I thought about him as a bother?! I loved him. I needed him but even though I kept repeating that, he always said he didn't deserve us.
"Matsumoto-san, I'll be honest with you." Kazu's doctor started.
"Yes."
"I think it would be good for your brother to be interned."
"What?!!!" I exclaimed.
"Ninomiya-san's night terrors are getting worst and I'm afraid he would harm himself if we don't do something. Today was his arm but what will it be tomorrow? I don't want him to cut his wrist the next time." The doctor said softly.
"I can't let you intern Kazu, he isn't insane." I exclaimed.
"I know but it's for his own security. He is exhausted, he needs to sleep."
"I understand and I'll convince him to see a psychologist but I can't let you interned him. He went through horrible things and he would die if you locked him up in a bedroom." I explained.
"I read his case and I understand but..."
"No. I'm sorry, I won't let someone locked my Kazu up again, it would traumatize him even more." I said in a serious tone and the doctor nodded before he held me out a box of pills.
"Alright, tell Ninomiya-san he must take these pills before sleeping, it will help him to overcome his night terrors."
"Thanks sensei." I bowed and left.
When I saw Kazu, I slapped his face. I knew it was wrong but his attitude broke my heart and I needed to show him how much he hurt me.
Ohchan tried to make me understand but we heard a noise and saw Kazu making a crisis. He even rejected Ohchan and I hugged him tightly, trying to calm him down. He looked so weak, so fragile in my arms, his little body was shaking in fear and tears were rolling down his cheeks. My baby... My little Kazu... I loved him so much, I couldn't lose him. With Ohchan, we made a planning for the week. I'll stay three nights per week with Kazu.
"Kaz', babe, don't forget your pills."
"I don't want to take these shits, I don't want to look like a zombie." Kazu replied, pushing my hand away.
"Kaz'..." I sighed but my brother shook his head and I gave up. Kazu could be very stubborn when he wanted to.
"Okay but go to bed." Nino nodded but I thought he was acting strangely for two weeks. His face was very pale and he had big dark shadows under his eyes. Did he really sleep on night? I let him change his clothes but when I approached him silently in the kitchen, I saw him taking some pills.
"What are you doing?!" I almost yelled, making him jump.
"Nothing, I only had a headache." Kazu smiled but I knew he was lying.
"Kazu..." I said in a warning tone and took the box in his hand roughly. Vitamins...
"Where did you take that? You can't buy it without a doctor." It was powerful vitamins that prevented you to sleep.
"I..." Nino lowered his head.
"Kazu, explain!" I ordered.
"I bought it. I don't want to sleep, Jun!" Nino snapped.
"I understand why you look so exhausted for one week, now. You weren't sleeping, you took these shits to stay awake?!" I almost shouted, making Nino frown.
"I do what I want, if I don't want to sleep, then, I can stay awake, I'm not a baby!" Nino replied coldly.
"Really? Sometimes it's not obvious not to see you as a baby, Kazu! Do you think it's good for your health not to sleep?! You're exhausted, you need to sleep!" I yelled.
"I can't Jun. You can't understand how it feels knowing at the second you'll close your eyes you'll try to kill yourself thinking someone is trying to harm you. I'm scared. I don't want to see Him." Nino whispered.
"I know, Kaz', I know how hard it is but your body needs to sleep, it's dangerous for your health." I tried to hug him but Nino pushed me away with scared and angry eyes.
"I'm not going to sleep, J!" Nino yelled and, taking the pills in my hand, ran toward the bathroom and locked himself up inside.
"Kazu!" I knocked on the door.
"Leave me alone!" Nino sobbed.
"Babe, please, open the door." I implored but Nino didn't answer.
Satoshi
I stared at Sho with wide eyes.
"Sho..."
"No, don't look at me with those eyes, I won't give up this time." Sho replied.
"But Kazu needs me." I protested.
"He always needs you! Do you remember you have a boyfriend?! Are you interested in my problems and my feelings?!" Sho yelled.
I looked at him and ran in his arms. Sho hugged me back and grabbed my chin to kiss me deeply. His tongue slipped inside of my mouth and I let him dominate, moaning between our lips. I kissed his eyes, his nose, his cheeks and his jaw.
"I love you so much, Sho." I whispered and buried my face in his neck.
"I love you too, baby." Sho smiled and kissed my temple.
"I'm so sorry for being such a horrible boyfriend for you." I said.
"You're amazing Satoshi but you think too much about the others, I want to be the most important in your heart."
"You are but you have to understand I need Kazu in my life to be completely happy. Both of you are my reason to live." I explained softly.
Sho sighed and released me after another deep kiss.
"Go."
"Eh?" My eyes widened.
"You heard me. Go to him. Nino needs you and you need him but I refuse to lose you by acting selfishly. Just, don't be too long and tomorrow, I want to spend the whole day with you, only the two of us." Sho smiled.
“Really?”
“I don’t understand Nino’s night terrors but if you say he is a danger for himself if he stays alone, I trust you. I don’t want something happens to him even if I want to keep you for myself, he is your best friend and you were already taking care of him before we dated. Just, promise me to be honest with me, to always tell me you real feelings even if one day it could hurt me.” Sho said, looking away.
“Sho…” Tears started to roll down my cheeks.
“I just don’t want to lose you because I need you for than anything. You don’t realize how you have changed my life. Take care of Nino, but I want you to really help him. Try to convince him to agree to see a specialist that will help him to move on and start a new life. Even if he has you and Jun, he can’t really be happy with this mysterious trauma. As his best friend, you have to try everything, even if it seems horrible or mean , it’s your job as the most important person of his life. Go, I know I have to trust you.” Sho smiled. I was shocked. Sho had never showed his feelings like that, not so honestly.
"I love you!!" I hugged him tightly and after a kiss, left our apartment.
It took me ten minutes to join Kazu's apartment and when I arrived there, I saw Jun on the ground, his head in his knees.
"He called you..." Jun simply said and I nodded. Jun sighed and showed the bathroom with his chin. "He is inside."
"Kazu?" I knocked on the door and after some seconds, Nino opened it and I slipped inside. "Kazu, what happ..." He didn't let me the time to finish my answer, throwing himself in my arms. "Kazu... I'm here, don't worry." I whispered, knowing he was crying silently in my neck. It hurt me so much seeing him like that and crying too, I tightened my grip around him. He looked so tired and so thin against me. His face was very pale, his eyes so empty.
"Satoshi..." Nino whispered. "Please, don't leave me, I need you."
"I'm here Kazu, I'll always be here for you." I stroked his wet cheeks with a tenderly smile.
"I love you Satoshi." Nino said, looking straight into my eyes, making my heart stop and before I could say anything, Nino caught my lips. I tried to push him away but Kazu bit my lip and I opened my mouth, moaning in pain. He took advantage to slip his tongue in my mouth, pressing our bodies together. I wanted to push him away, to tell him it was wrong, to say I had a boyfriend but Kazu grabbed my butt and deepened the kiss, erasing my reason and driving me crazy. I let him push me against the wall and this brat unbuttoned my shirt to kiss and suck my chest. I moaned. Gosh, it felt so good! Why couldn't I stop him? Why was I moaning under his kisses? Stop that, Kazu, I have a boyfriend, I love Sho so much! When Nino started to unzip my jeans, I pushed him away violently.
"Are you crazy?!" I shouted, wiping my swollen mouth angrily.
"Satoshi..." Nino tried to take my hand but I pushed him away.
"I'm dating Sho and I love him." I said softly when I saw the tears in his eyes.
"But I thought..."
"I'm sorry if I let you believe there was more between us but I love Sho not you. I love you but as my best friend." I lowered my head.
"It's okay, I understand, I'm sorry." I raised my eyes and my heart broke when I saw the tears rolling down his face.
"Kazu..." I tried to take his hand but Nino moved back.
"I need to be alone." Kazu said and left the bathroom. I heard his bedroom's door slamming some seconds later.
When I joined the corridor, Jun looked at me and I understood he knew what just happened with Nino. Without a word, he walked toward Kazu's bedroom. What could I do, now? Does my friendship with Kazunari was over?
Kazunari
Satoshi's lips felt so good against mines. When he responded to my kiss I thought I would rape him but when I started to unzip his jeans, he pushed me away, saying he had a boyfriend and loved him. It hurt but at the same time it made me happy. My Satoshi couldn't betray the trust someone had toward him, he couldn't hurt someone who loved him as much as Sho did. I loved him for that too, for his honesty, his fidelity. But it hurt so much. I didn't know if Sato would stay my friend after that, that's why I avoided him after this night. I asked Jun if I could stay at his apartment and he agreed, knowing there might be a problem if I asked him that. Satoshi called me several times per day but I never responded. I couldn't face him anymore, I was too ashamed.
One day, I was playing at Mario kart when the doorbell rang. I stood up, growling and almost slammed the door, seeing Satoshi in front of me.
"Kazu..."
"Leave." I tried to close the door but he prevented me to do it and entered the apartment.
"Why are you avoiding me?!"
"I don't know what you are talking about." I made a fake innocent face but he knew I was lying. I was avoiding him for two weeks now.
"So, that's it? I rejected you and now, you are avoiding me?! I thought I was your friend." Ohno said coldly.
"You are but I need some time alone." I replied but Ohno grabbed my arm when I tried to move away.
"Kazu..." Ohno said in a broken voice, tears rolling down his cheeks.
"Please, Toshi." I whispered but Ohno hugged me tightly.
"I need you, Kazu." Satoshi looked at me with pleading eyes. I stared at his full pink lips and, grabbing his nape, I smacked our lips together. Satoshi moaned between our mouths and stroked my cheek but I released him and pushed him outside of the apartment. He looked at me with lost eyes.
"Leave, Ohno-san." I said and closed the door.
It was the worst thing I was going through. Rejecting my best friend, the man I loved more than anything but it was the best thing to do. We couldn't continue like that, I knew it.
Satoshi had Sho, they were in love and I hadn't the right to destroy that. Plus, I couldn't make Sato suffer and I knew he would if I broke his relationship with Sho. I hated suffering but his happiness and his smile were the only things making me want to wake up tomorrow. Even if I knew I had lost him, I was happy because for some seconds I thought I was the most important person in his eyes and it felt wonderful. Now, I had to face the next days alone, without him. I needed courage but could I be strong without the man I loved more than anything? Could I be strong with this big hole in my heart?
Taking my guitar, I started to write. I started to write a song, to write my pain and my sadness. I wrote Satoshi. I wrote us. Tears rolled down my cheeks for lots of hours but my heart was lighter as if I had taken off a little part of my sadness of my chest. It was only an illusion but for some hours, I knew I would feel "better".
"Life is like music,
You can describe it,
But not define it..."
To be continued...
A/N: So, many things happened here xD it was the beginning of the destruction of Nino and Ohno's friendship (no, I’m kidding :P or maybe not xD It's bad Kazu rejected Satoshi because Sho was finally accepting their special friendship xD I think I'm very angry at Satoshi because it's him who makes Kazu suffer and not Sho. He seems lost, loving Sho truly but needing Nino so much in his life. BUT it's because of their past again xD there is a reason why they all act like that and are destroying themselves but you have to wait to know it xD
I have to stop before saying too much xD see you soon ^^ comments are <3
Author: MatsuAurore
Banner: Lilisan31 <3
Pairings: Yama, Ohmiya, Junba
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Au, romance, drama, angst
Disclaimer: Bad for me, only own the plot T.T
Summary: What can you do when the person you love more than your own life is only looking at your best friend? What can you do when you know this person would never see you like you see her? And if your biggest wish came true but at the same time, getting close to her also meant pushing her farther from you...
Chapter 5:
"Living is easy with closed eyes..."
Masaki
I met Jun at one of my parties and to be honest, I fell in love with him at first sight. He was gorgeous with his short brown hair, his wonderful smile and his beautiful eyes. Jun was smart and kind despite his cold appearance with the others, it was a mask because he didn't have much self-confidence and was afraid about being lonely. We started dating the night of my party after a torrid love session and he asked me to live with him seven months later. I met Nino this night and started to feel a deep friendship for him. Jun explained to me Nino's problem and why he needed him the night. To be honest, I didn't accept my boyfriend was sleeping with another man at the beginning; I even reacted badly, threatening Jun that I would leave him but with time, I understood Jun and Nino were like brothers and needed each other. I still feel guilty for acting in a so horrible way but my boyfriend never felt any grudge against me. I trusted Jun and despite my jealousy, left him stay with Nino some days per week. In fact, I was afraid Nino would kill himself since I've ever seen one of his crises one day when he slept at our apartment. We found him screaming in our living room with a knife, sinking it in the pillows with a panicked face and empty eyes. I didn't want one of my friends harm himself because of a fucking bastard who had destroyed his life. Jun and Nino shared everything they had, there was none secret between them as if they were twins. Nino was in love with Ohchan, everybody knew it except Ohchan but we were talking about someone who could sleep on his legs.
But when Ohchan started to date Sho, Nino changed. He lost many weight, seemed more tired than usually and distant. It killed him seeing the man he loved with one of his friends. I knew he was trying to deal without Ohchan to let him live his relationship with Sho but Ohchan always came back to him. I think Satoshi needed him but also loved him. Of course Ohno loved Sho but his feelings for Nino were too deep. I was afraid at how this story would end. One day, someone would suffer because of these feelings. One day, a friendship would be destroyed. But despite Sho’s possessive behavior, I understood him. Yes. If I hadn’t seen one of Nino’s crises, I probably would have kept my wrong behavior. Sho was someone who had suffered a lot in the past because of his first love that had cheated on him with his ex-best friend. When someone you loved with all you heart betrayed your trust with the person you trusted with your life, I think it left sequels. This story destroyed Sho and he never dated someone else after that. Since the day he met Ohchan. Satoshi changed him. He gave him a new self-confidence and brought a new happiness in his life. But despite Ohchan’s love, Sho still had doubts and as Nino was in love with his lover, was scared of losing Satoshi. I think nobody could really understand Nino’s problem if you hadn’t seen it with your own eyes. That’s why I couldn’t completely blame Sho. He also suffered about this situation and didn’t understand how dangerous it was for Nino to stay alone.
One day, Ohchan would have to choose and Nino would suffer more than ever because of Satoshi's real love. I wanted to help but couldn't do anything that's why I let Jun sleeping next to Nino when he needed it. I even proposed Jun to let Nino live with us but my boyfriend refused, saying it wouldn't help Nino to overcome his trauma and plus, he didn't want to spoil our relationship and our sex life because Nino would hear me screaming too loudly as Jun said someday. Was I this loud when JunJun was making love to me? Maybe, he was always too good, after all.
Now, Ohchan and Sho were together for almost eight months when Kazu started to make his worst crises. I knew it because Jun told me. He told me Nino had almost thrown himself by his window. My Gosh... How could you believe something was so real that you tried to kill yourself?
How Sho will deal with that?
Jun
It was the first time Kazu was lying to me and I felt angry. How could he lie to me like that? How could he think I thought about him as a bother?! I loved him. I needed him but even though I kept repeating that, he always said he didn't deserve us.
"Matsumoto-san, I'll be honest with you." Kazu's doctor started.
"Yes."
"I think it would be good for your brother to be interned."
"What?!!!" I exclaimed.
"Ninomiya-san's night terrors are getting worst and I'm afraid he would harm himself if we don't do something. Today was his arm but what will it be tomorrow? I don't want him to cut his wrist the next time." The doctor said softly.
"I can't let you intern Kazu, he isn't insane." I exclaimed.
"I know but it's for his own security. He is exhausted, he needs to sleep."
"I understand and I'll convince him to see a psychologist but I can't let you interned him. He went through horrible things and he would die if you locked him up in a bedroom." I explained.
"I read his case and I understand but..."
"No. I'm sorry, I won't let someone locked my Kazu up again, it would traumatize him even more." I said in a serious tone and the doctor nodded before he held me out a box of pills.
"Alright, tell Ninomiya-san he must take these pills before sleeping, it will help him to overcome his night terrors."
"Thanks sensei." I bowed and left.
When I saw Kazu, I slapped his face. I knew it was wrong but his attitude broke my heart and I needed to show him how much he hurt me.
Ohchan tried to make me understand but we heard a noise and saw Kazu making a crisis. He even rejected Ohchan and I hugged him tightly, trying to calm him down. He looked so weak, so fragile in my arms, his little body was shaking in fear and tears were rolling down his cheeks. My baby... My little Kazu... I loved him so much, I couldn't lose him. With Ohchan, we made a planning for the week. I'll stay three nights per week with Kazu.
"Kaz', babe, don't forget your pills."
"I don't want to take these shits, I don't want to look like a zombie." Kazu replied, pushing my hand away.
"Kaz'..." I sighed but my brother shook his head and I gave up. Kazu could be very stubborn when he wanted to.
"Okay but go to bed." Nino nodded but I thought he was acting strangely for two weeks. His face was very pale and he had big dark shadows under his eyes. Did he really sleep on night? I let him change his clothes but when I approached him silently in the kitchen, I saw him taking some pills.
"What are you doing?!" I almost yelled, making him jump.
"Nothing, I only had a headache." Kazu smiled but I knew he was lying.
"Kazu..." I said in a warning tone and took the box in his hand roughly. Vitamins...
"Where did you take that? You can't buy it without a doctor." It was powerful vitamins that prevented you to sleep.
"I..." Nino lowered his head.
"Kazu, explain!" I ordered.
"I bought it. I don't want to sleep, Jun!" Nino snapped.
"I understand why you look so exhausted for one week, now. You weren't sleeping, you took these shits to stay awake?!" I almost shouted, making Nino frown.
"I do what I want, if I don't want to sleep, then, I can stay awake, I'm not a baby!" Nino replied coldly.
"Really? Sometimes it's not obvious not to see you as a baby, Kazu! Do you think it's good for your health not to sleep?! You're exhausted, you need to sleep!" I yelled.
"I can't Jun. You can't understand how it feels knowing at the second you'll close your eyes you'll try to kill yourself thinking someone is trying to harm you. I'm scared. I don't want to see Him." Nino whispered.
"I know, Kaz', I know how hard it is but your body needs to sleep, it's dangerous for your health." I tried to hug him but Nino pushed me away with scared and angry eyes.
"I'm not going to sleep, J!" Nino yelled and, taking the pills in my hand, ran toward the bathroom and locked himself up inside.
"Kazu!" I knocked on the door.
"Leave me alone!" Nino sobbed.
"Babe, please, open the door." I implored but Nino didn't answer.
Satoshi
I stared at Sho with wide eyes.
"Sho..."
"No, don't look at me with those eyes, I won't give up this time." Sho replied.
"But Kazu needs me." I protested.
"He always needs you! Do you remember you have a boyfriend?! Are you interested in my problems and my feelings?!" Sho yelled.
I looked at him and ran in his arms. Sho hugged me back and grabbed my chin to kiss me deeply. His tongue slipped inside of my mouth and I let him dominate, moaning between our lips. I kissed his eyes, his nose, his cheeks and his jaw.
"I love you so much, Sho." I whispered and buried my face in his neck.
"I love you too, baby." Sho smiled and kissed my temple.
"I'm so sorry for being such a horrible boyfriend for you." I said.
"You're amazing Satoshi but you think too much about the others, I want to be the most important in your heart."
"You are but you have to understand I need Kazu in my life to be completely happy. Both of you are my reason to live." I explained softly.
Sho sighed and released me after another deep kiss.
"Go."
"Eh?" My eyes widened.
"You heard me. Go to him. Nino needs you and you need him but I refuse to lose you by acting selfishly. Just, don't be too long and tomorrow, I want to spend the whole day with you, only the two of us." Sho smiled.
“Really?”
“I don’t understand Nino’s night terrors but if you say he is a danger for himself if he stays alone, I trust you. I don’t want something happens to him even if I want to keep you for myself, he is your best friend and you were already taking care of him before we dated. Just, promise me to be honest with me, to always tell me you real feelings even if one day it could hurt me.” Sho said, looking away.
“Sho…” Tears started to roll down my cheeks.
“I just don’t want to lose you because I need you for than anything. You don’t realize how you have changed my life. Take care of Nino, but I want you to really help him. Try to convince him to agree to see a specialist that will help him to move on and start a new life. Even if he has you and Jun, he can’t really be happy with this mysterious trauma. As his best friend, you have to try everything, even if it seems horrible or mean , it’s your job as the most important person of his life. Go, I know I have to trust you.” Sho smiled. I was shocked. Sho had never showed his feelings like that, not so honestly.
"I love you!!" I hugged him tightly and after a kiss, left our apartment.
It took me ten minutes to join Kazu's apartment and when I arrived there, I saw Jun on the ground, his head in his knees.
"He called you..." Jun simply said and I nodded. Jun sighed and showed the bathroom with his chin. "He is inside."
"Kazu?" I knocked on the door and after some seconds, Nino opened it and I slipped inside. "Kazu, what happ..." He didn't let me the time to finish my answer, throwing himself in my arms. "Kazu... I'm here, don't worry." I whispered, knowing he was crying silently in my neck. It hurt me so much seeing him like that and crying too, I tightened my grip around him. He looked so tired and so thin against me. His face was very pale, his eyes so empty.
"Satoshi..." Nino whispered. "Please, don't leave me, I need you."
"I'm here Kazu, I'll always be here for you." I stroked his wet cheeks with a tenderly smile.
"I love you Satoshi." Nino said, looking straight into my eyes, making my heart stop and before I could say anything, Nino caught my lips. I tried to push him away but Kazu bit my lip and I opened my mouth, moaning in pain. He took advantage to slip his tongue in my mouth, pressing our bodies together. I wanted to push him away, to tell him it was wrong, to say I had a boyfriend but Kazu grabbed my butt and deepened the kiss, erasing my reason and driving me crazy. I let him push me against the wall and this brat unbuttoned my shirt to kiss and suck my chest. I moaned. Gosh, it felt so good! Why couldn't I stop him? Why was I moaning under his kisses? Stop that, Kazu, I have a boyfriend, I love Sho so much! When Nino started to unzip my jeans, I pushed him away violently.
"Are you crazy?!" I shouted, wiping my swollen mouth angrily.
"Satoshi..." Nino tried to take my hand but I pushed him away.
"I'm dating Sho and I love him." I said softly when I saw the tears in his eyes.
"But I thought..."
"I'm sorry if I let you believe there was more between us but I love Sho not you. I love you but as my best friend." I lowered my head.
"It's okay, I understand, I'm sorry." I raised my eyes and my heart broke when I saw the tears rolling down his face.
"Kazu..." I tried to take his hand but Nino moved back.
"I need to be alone." Kazu said and left the bathroom. I heard his bedroom's door slamming some seconds later.
When I joined the corridor, Jun looked at me and I understood he knew what just happened with Nino. Without a word, he walked toward Kazu's bedroom. What could I do, now? Does my friendship with Kazunari was over?
Kazunari
Satoshi's lips felt so good against mines. When he responded to my kiss I thought I would rape him but when I started to unzip his jeans, he pushed me away, saying he had a boyfriend and loved him. It hurt but at the same time it made me happy. My Satoshi couldn't betray the trust someone had toward him, he couldn't hurt someone who loved him as much as Sho did. I loved him for that too, for his honesty, his fidelity. But it hurt so much. I didn't know if Sato would stay my friend after that, that's why I avoided him after this night. I asked Jun if I could stay at his apartment and he agreed, knowing there might be a problem if I asked him that. Satoshi called me several times per day but I never responded. I couldn't face him anymore, I was too ashamed.
One day, I was playing at Mario kart when the doorbell rang. I stood up, growling and almost slammed the door, seeing Satoshi in front of me.
"Kazu..."
"Leave." I tried to close the door but he prevented me to do it and entered the apartment.
"Why are you avoiding me?!"
"I don't know what you are talking about." I made a fake innocent face but he knew I was lying. I was avoiding him for two weeks now.
"So, that's it? I rejected you and now, you are avoiding me?! I thought I was your friend." Ohno said coldly.
"You are but I need some time alone." I replied but Ohno grabbed my arm when I tried to move away.
"Kazu..." Ohno said in a broken voice, tears rolling down his cheeks.
"Please, Toshi." I whispered but Ohno hugged me tightly.
"I need you, Kazu." Satoshi looked at me with pleading eyes. I stared at his full pink lips and, grabbing his nape, I smacked our lips together. Satoshi moaned between our mouths and stroked my cheek but I released him and pushed him outside of the apartment. He looked at me with lost eyes.
"Leave, Ohno-san." I said and closed the door.
It was the worst thing I was going through. Rejecting my best friend, the man I loved more than anything but it was the best thing to do. We couldn't continue like that, I knew it.
Satoshi had Sho, they were in love and I hadn't the right to destroy that. Plus, I couldn't make Sato suffer and I knew he would if I broke his relationship with Sho. I hated suffering but his happiness and his smile were the only things making me want to wake up tomorrow. Even if I knew I had lost him, I was happy because for some seconds I thought I was the most important person in his eyes and it felt wonderful. Now, I had to face the next days alone, without him. I needed courage but could I be strong without the man I loved more than anything? Could I be strong with this big hole in my heart?
Taking my guitar, I started to write. I started to write a song, to write my pain and my sadness. I wrote Satoshi. I wrote us. Tears rolled down my cheeks for lots of hours but my heart was lighter as if I had taken off a little part of my sadness of my chest. It was only an illusion but for some hours, I knew I would feel "better".
"Life is like music,
You can describe it,
But not define it..."
To be continued...
A/N: So, many things happened here xD it was the beginning of the destruction of Nino and Ohno's friendship (no, I’m kidding :P or maybe not xD It's bad Kazu rejected Satoshi because Sho was finally accepting their special friendship xD I think I'm very angry at Satoshi because it's him who makes Kazu suffer and not Sho. He seems lost, loving Sho truly but needing Nino so much in his life. BUT it's because of their past again xD there is a reason why they all act like that and are destroying themselves but you have to wait to know it xD
I have to stop before saying too much xD see you soon ^^ comments are <3