All these things we don't tell each other (chapter 7)
Title: All these things we don't tell each other
Author: MatsuAurore
Banner: Lilisan31 <3
Pairings: Yama, Ohmiya
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Au, romance, drama, angst
Disclaimer: Bad for me, only own the plot T.T
Summary: What can you do when the person you love more than your own life is only looking at your best friend? What can you do when you know this person would never see you like you see her? And if your biggest wish came true but at the same time, getting close to her also meant pushing her farther from you...
Chapter 7:
"Highway to hell..."
Four years earlier...
Satoshi
I collapsed on the ground, crying. Kazunari kneeled down in front of me and hugged me tightly, I couldn't stop my tears, it was too painful. After a while, a doctor walked toward us with a sad look.
"Are you Sakurai-san's family?"
"Hai. How is he sensei?" I asked.
"Sakurai-san had pretty bad injuries and we saved him but he is in coma, we don't know if he'll wake up one day." The doctor explained.
"Can I see him?"
"Yes." The doctor showed me his bedroom and I walked toward his bed, my hands were shaking as my heart was aching so much.
I sat next to him and took his hand. Sho's face was very pale and many machines were resounding in the room, his heart beating slowly.
"Sho..." I whispered, kissing his palm. "Please, Sho, come back, I need you my love." I added in a pleading voice.
I heard my friends entering the bedroom. They were crying too, I could hear them. I stayed with Sho the whole day, holding his hand and looking at his face with the hope he would wake up.
The next day, his parents came. Sho's mother looked calm and kind but his father seemed colder. His mother smiled when I said who I was and thanked me for staying with his son but
I kneeled down, my head almost touching the ground.
"I'm so sorry, everything is my fault, I'm so sorry." I sobbed.
Sho's mother put her hand on my shoulder and smiled.
"Look at me, Ohno-san." I raised my eyes, tears rolling down my face.
"It's not your fault, you didn't do anything wrong. Don't blame yourself, dear, it won't wake Sho up." Sho's mother whispered, her eyes full of tears. I nodded but still felt guilty.
I stayed next to my Sho the whole night and the next day. I didn't want to release his hand, I was afraid Sho would leave me if I left. Nino, Jun and Aiba came everyday but I couldn't talk to them. Kazu tried to comfort me but I always pushed him away, ashamed about what we did two days ago. I still could feel his lips on mines, his hand stroking my butt and my skin and it hurt me thinking I've betrayed Sho like that. As time passed, I was becoming crazy. Sho was still asleep.
"Sho?" I asked, my cheek on his naked chest.
"Hun?"
"Why did you fall in love with me?"
"What's this question?" Sho chuckled, his hand stopping to stroke my back.
"I want to know." I mumbled.
"Okay." Sho sighed. I knew how much he felt uncomfortable when he had to talk about his feelings. But I wanted to know.
"First, I fell in love with your chubby face."
"Why?"
"Because you look like a baby and at the beginning I even thought you were hiding food in your cheeks." Sho teased me making me pout and slap his chest slightly.
"And then?" I asked.
"Your sleepy eyes. You have such beautiful sleepy eyes and always look as if you were sleeping on your legs, I think it's cute." Sho smiled, kissing my hair. "I also fell in love with your smile. Your smile shines like the sun and your laugh is so cute. I like your hands because you have long fingers and I can see your veins. I like your neck and your chest, your skin is very soft but I prefer when you aren't too suntanned. And I always thought your butt was very sexy."
"Pervert." I laughed with him.
"But these things weren't the most important to me." Sho added.
"Hun?"
"I mostly fell in love with you because of your kindness and your calm. You appease my heart, never judge me and you're so patient with me. I know I haven't an easy character and don't like to show my feelings but you still love me. I love when you draw because you have this concentrate look on your face." Sho whispered. I started to cry silently on his chest, my hand stroking his skin.
"Satoshi?" Sho asked but I didn't respond. I didn't want he knows I was crying. "Baby, look at me." After a while, I raised my eyes shyly. "Why are you crying?"
"It's idiot..." I mumbled, looking away but my lover grabbed my chin.
"It can't be idiot if it makes you cry. Please, tell me."
"It's just... You never told me your feelings for me and...and I'm happy to know you love me like that." I whispered. Sho smiled softly and kissed me tenderly. I wrapped his neck with my arms and kissed him back with all the love I had for him.
"I love you." I smiled between our lips.
"I love you too my baby." Sho pecked my nose and pushed me on my back. When he made love to me this night, there was something new. I could see all his feelings in every kiss, every stroke and every movement. I could say it was the best orgasm of my life because it was the first time someone was telling me I was so important.
****
I opened my eyes, feeling the sun on my face. Why did I dream about that? Why did I dream about This night? I looked at Sho but his eyes were still closed.
"Good morning, Sho." I kissed his lips and stroked his cheek with the back of my hand. "Did you make sweet dreams?" I asked, smiling sadly when he didn't answer. I took his hand and linked our fingers before laying my head on the bed. This situation was killing me. Seeing my boyfriend in this state was destroying me. I couldn't think normally, couldn't breathe without feeling this pain in my heart. Usually, I was calm and didn't act without thinking (in serious situation) but now, all I wanted was screaming and hitting something to erase this horrible pain in my chest.
"You're still here?" Nino's voice made me jump.
"Hun." I nodded without looking at him.
"Satoshi..."
"It was nothing." I cut him off coldly, hating myself for being so horrible with Kazu.
"What?"
"Our kiss. I don't feel anything for you except a deep friendship. Don't believe things that don’t exist." I whispered.
"I know." I raised my eyes to look at Nino who smiled.
"What do you mean?"
"I was desperate and felt lonely, that's why I told you that. But I don't feel anything for you and I want you to know that I'm sorry, I hope you'll stay my friend." Nino lowered his head.
"I'm happy to hear that. Of course, I forgive you, you're my best friend Kazu." I stood up and hugged him but he didn't hug me back.
"I'm sorry for Sho..."
"I know. Thank you." I smiled and laid my head on his shoulder. He finally hugged me back and I buried my face in his neck, kissing his skin.
"Thank you for being here."
"It's normal, I owe you so much." Nino smiled slightly and pecked my forehead.
"You don't owe me anything, you're my best friend, that's all." I whispered.
"You should get back home and sleep."
"I don't want, I..."
"Toshi, you're exhausted!"
"I stay with Sho." I said stubbornly. Nino sighed but gave up. I stayed with Sho the whole day and fell asleep, my head on the bed.
I opened the door of our apartment and took my shoes off.
"Tadaima!" I said but none answer came. "Sho?" I called.
It was weird, Sho always came back home before. I put my bag on the ground and walked in the living room.
"Sh..." I froze, seeing Sho on the ground, lots of blood on his body. "SHOOO!!" I ran toward him and lifted him up in my arms. "Sho, answer me!" I shook him but his eyes stayed closed. I grabbed my phone and called an ambulance while rocking him in my arms.
"I'm sorry, Ohno-san but it's too late." The doctor said sadly.
"What?! No! It's impossible, Sho can't be dead, you are lying!!! Wake him up, aren't you a doctor?!!!!" I screamed.
"Shoooo!!!!" I screamed.
"Satoshi!!" I opened my eyes, blinking. Jun was there, shaking my body with worried eyes.
"Jun?"
"Yes, it's me, you made a nightmare." Jun said softly.
"Sho!" I exclaimed suddenly, remembering my boyfriend.
"He is here, Satoshi." I lowered my eyes and saw my Sho, still sleeping peacefully.
"Sho!!" I grabbed his hand, trying to be sure he was still alive. "I thought you left me." I cried, kissing his hand.
"Satoshi, you need to sleep, you're too exhausted." Jun sighed.
"No. I must stay if Sho wakes up..." I shook my head stubbornly.
Yes, I was exhausted but I couldn't let my lover alone. I just couldn't abandon him.
Seconds passed, minutes passed, hours passed, weeks passed, months passed, one year passed but Sho didn't wake up. It was as if I had a big hole in my chest, as if someone had ripped my heart. Kazu stayed next to me, trying to comfort me. Jun and Aiba too. But despite my friends, I had never felt so lonely in my life. I was tired...or maybe exhausted if you saw the big shadows under my eyes. I lost lots of weight and now, all my pants were too big for me. I didn't fish nor dance anymore. I was just a shadow. The shadow of myself. The doctors didn't allow me to stay next to Sho during the night and at the beginning, I stayed at our apartment but I was making nightmares every night and Kazu asked me to move in his apartment. I never said 'yes' but he brought me at his home without waiting for an answer. It was funny because before Sho's accident, it was Kazu who needed me to sleep but now, it was me. I appeased his night terrors easily because I only slept two or three hours per nights. Kazu didn't know I stayed awake the whole night, I couldn't tell him. How could I explain when I closed my eyes, I was seeing Sho on the ground with blood on his body? I stopped my work to stay with him every day. There was no life in my eyes anymore, only my reflect.
"Satoshi-kun, it's enough!" Sho's father said one day.
"Hun?" I raised my eyes, not understanding what he meant.
"You are destroying yourself, you are destroying us with this attitude. I want you to leave."
"What?!" I exclaimed, my mouth wide open.
"I want you to stop that. Don't come back, live your life and let our family in peace."
"Shouta..." Sho's mother protested.
"No. It's enough. It's twice more painful seeing my son's boyfriend in this state, praying for his return. It's been one year, now and I'm fed up."
"Sakurai-san, please..." I implored.
"No. Leave this bedroom and don't come back." Shouta's words gagged me and a pain crossed my heart. I fell on my knees, coughing.
"Satoshi-kun!" Sho's mother screamed, panicked.
I coughed painfully before everything became dark.
I woke up in a bed and Jun told me I fainted four hours ago because I was too exhausted. I tried to see Sho but his father didn't allow me to and I cried. I cried the whole day and the night and the day after and the day after this day... I cried every day, imploring Sho's father to let me see his son. After one week, Kazu brought me at his home. At the beginning, I refused to eat and even stayed next to Sho's bedroom, hoping to see my boyfriend even for one second.
I've always been a calm boy but now, I didn't even reply when my friends asked me questions. I stayed in my bedroom, looking at the sky through the window, crying silently. This situation was killing me, I was empty, I felt empty. It had to stop, I couldn't bear anymore.
Kazunari wasn't at home and I walked in the kitchen. I opened the drawer and took it, sitting down on the ground, next to the sofa, and when the knife cut my arm, I sighed in happiness. Soon, everything will be over and I wouldn't have to bear this horrible pain. Soon, I will be in my Sho's arms. The cut didn't even hurt, the pain in my heart was worst.
"Wait for me, Sho." I smiled and closed my eyes, tiredness winning my body.
Yes, soon everything will be over...
To be continued...
A/N: So, now, you know what happened 4 years ago. Tragic moment and I think even if I hate Sho's father, I also understand him xD My logic is big xDDD I just realize it's a nasty cut xD but I'm trying to post quickly when I can "steal" my mother's laptop because if not, you have one chapter per month and I prefer to post quickly than very slowly not to make you wait too much xD See you soon or at least, when I'll be able to steal a computer to post xDDD My mom is kind of severe with studies, especially when it's hard studies xDDD
Author: MatsuAurore
Banner: Lilisan31 <3
Pairings: Yama, Ohmiya
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Au, romance, drama, angst
Disclaimer: Bad for me, only own the plot T.T
Summary: What can you do when the person you love more than your own life is only looking at your best friend? What can you do when you know this person would never see you like you see her? And if your biggest wish came true but at the same time, getting close to her also meant pushing her farther from you...
Chapter 7:
"Highway to hell..."
Four years earlier...
Satoshi
I collapsed on the ground, crying. Kazunari kneeled down in front of me and hugged me tightly, I couldn't stop my tears, it was too painful. After a while, a doctor walked toward us with a sad look.
"Are you Sakurai-san's family?"
"Hai. How is he sensei?" I asked.
"Sakurai-san had pretty bad injuries and we saved him but he is in coma, we don't know if he'll wake up one day." The doctor explained.
"Can I see him?"
"Yes." The doctor showed me his bedroom and I walked toward his bed, my hands were shaking as my heart was aching so much.
I sat next to him and took his hand. Sho's face was very pale and many machines were resounding in the room, his heart beating slowly.
"Sho..." I whispered, kissing his palm. "Please, Sho, come back, I need you my love." I added in a pleading voice.
I heard my friends entering the bedroom. They were crying too, I could hear them. I stayed with Sho the whole day, holding his hand and looking at his face with the hope he would wake up.
The next day, his parents came. Sho's mother looked calm and kind but his father seemed colder. His mother smiled when I said who I was and thanked me for staying with his son but
I kneeled down, my head almost touching the ground.
"I'm so sorry, everything is my fault, I'm so sorry." I sobbed.
Sho's mother put her hand on my shoulder and smiled.
"Look at me, Ohno-san." I raised my eyes, tears rolling down my face.
"It's not your fault, you didn't do anything wrong. Don't blame yourself, dear, it won't wake Sho up." Sho's mother whispered, her eyes full of tears. I nodded but still felt guilty.
I stayed next to my Sho the whole night and the next day. I didn't want to release his hand, I was afraid Sho would leave me if I left. Nino, Jun and Aiba came everyday but I couldn't talk to them. Kazu tried to comfort me but I always pushed him away, ashamed about what we did two days ago. I still could feel his lips on mines, his hand stroking my butt and my skin and it hurt me thinking I've betrayed Sho like that. As time passed, I was becoming crazy. Sho was still asleep.
"Sho?" I asked, my cheek on his naked chest.
"Hun?"
"Why did you fall in love with me?"
"What's this question?" Sho chuckled, his hand stopping to stroke my back.
"I want to know." I mumbled.
"Okay." Sho sighed. I knew how much he felt uncomfortable when he had to talk about his feelings. But I wanted to know.
"First, I fell in love with your chubby face."
"Why?"
"Because you look like a baby and at the beginning I even thought you were hiding food in your cheeks." Sho teased me making me pout and slap his chest slightly.
"And then?" I asked.
"Your sleepy eyes. You have such beautiful sleepy eyes and always look as if you were sleeping on your legs, I think it's cute." Sho smiled, kissing my hair. "I also fell in love with your smile. Your smile shines like the sun and your laugh is so cute. I like your hands because you have long fingers and I can see your veins. I like your neck and your chest, your skin is very soft but I prefer when you aren't too suntanned. And I always thought your butt was very sexy."
"Pervert." I laughed with him.
"But these things weren't the most important to me." Sho added.
"Hun?"
"I mostly fell in love with you because of your kindness and your calm. You appease my heart, never judge me and you're so patient with me. I know I haven't an easy character and don't like to show my feelings but you still love me. I love when you draw because you have this concentrate look on your face." Sho whispered. I started to cry silently on his chest, my hand stroking his skin.
"Satoshi?" Sho asked but I didn't respond. I didn't want he knows I was crying. "Baby, look at me." After a while, I raised my eyes shyly. "Why are you crying?"
"It's idiot..." I mumbled, looking away but my lover grabbed my chin.
"It can't be idiot if it makes you cry. Please, tell me."
"It's just... You never told me your feelings for me and...and I'm happy to know you love me like that." I whispered. Sho smiled softly and kissed me tenderly. I wrapped his neck with my arms and kissed him back with all the love I had for him.
"I love you." I smiled between our lips.
"I love you too my baby." Sho pecked my nose and pushed me on my back. When he made love to me this night, there was something new. I could see all his feelings in every kiss, every stroke and every movement. I could say it was the best orgasm of my life because it was the first time someone was telling me I was so important.
****
I opened my eyes, feeling the sun on my face. Why did I dream about that? Why did I dream about This night? I looked at Sho but his eyes were still closed.
"Good morning, Sho." I kissed his lips and stroked his cheek with the back of my hand. "Did you make sweet dreams?" I asked, smiling sadly when he didn't answer. I took his hand and linked our fingers before laying my head on the bed. This situation was killing me. Seeing my boyfriend in this state was destroying me. I couldn't think normally, couldn't breathe without feeling this pain in my heart. Usually, I was calm and didn't act without thinking (in serious situation) but now, all I wanted was screaming and hitting something to erase this horrible pain in my chest.
"You're still here?" Nino's voice made me jump.
"Hun." I nodded without looking at him.
"Satoshi..."
"It was nothing." I cut him off coldly, hating myself for being so horrible with Kazu.
"What?"
"Our kiss. I don't feel anything for you except a deep friendship. Don't believe things that don’t exist." I whispered.
"I know." I raised my eyes to look at Nino who smiled.
"What do you mean?"
"I was desperate and felt lonely, that's why I told you that. But I don't feel anything for you and I want you to know that I'm sorry, I hope you'll stay my friend." Nino lowered his head.
"I'm happy to hear that. Of course, I forgive you, you're my best friend Kazu." I stood up and hugged him but he didn't hug me back.
"I'm sorry for Sho..."
"I know. Thank you." I smiled and laid my head on his shoulder. He finally hugged me back and I buried my face in his neck, kissing his skin.
"Thank you for being here."
"It's normal, I owe you so much." Nino smiled slightly and pecked my forehead.
"You don't owe me anything, you're my best friend, that's all." I whispered.
"You should get back home and sleep."
"I don't want, I..."
"Toshi, you're exhausted!"
"I stay with Sho." I said stubbornly. Nino sighed but gave up. I stayed with Sho the whole day and fell asleep, my head on the bed.
I opened the door of our apartment and took my shoes off.
"Tadaima!" I said but none answer came. "Sho?" I called.
It was weird, Sho always came back home before. I put my bag on the ground and walked in the living room.
"Sh..." I froze, seeing Sho on the ground, lots of blood on his body. "SHOOO!!" I ran toward him and lifted him up in my arms. "Sho, answer me!" I shook him but his eyes stayed closed. I grabbed my phone and called an ambulance while rocking him in my arms.
"I'm sorry, Ohno-san but it's too late." The doctor said sadly.
"What?! No! It's impossible, Sho can't be dead, you are lying!!! Wake him up, aren't you a doctor?!!!!" I screamed.
"Shoooo!!!!" I screamed.
"Satoshi!!" I opened my eyes, blinking. Jun was there, shaking my body with worried eyes.
"Jun?"
"Yes, it's me, you made a nightmare." Jun said softly.
"Sho!" I exclaimed suddenly, remembering my boyfriend.
"He is here, Satoshi." I lowered my eyes and saw my Sho, still sleeping peacefully.
"Sho!!" I grabbed his hand, trying to be sure he was still alive. "I thought you left me." I cried, kissing his hand.
"Satoshi, you need to sleep, you're too exhausted." Jun sighed.
"No. I must stay if Sho wakes up..." I shook my head stubbornly.
Yes, I was exhausted but I couldn't let my lover alone. I just couldn't abandon him.
Seconds passed, minutes passed, hours passed, weeks passed, months passed, one year passed but Sho didn't wake up. It was as if I had a big hole in my chest, as if someone had ripped my heart. Kazu stayed next to me, trying to comfort me. Jun and Aiba too. But despite my friends, I had never felt so lonely in my life. I was tired...or maybe exhausted if you saw the big shadows under my eyes. I lost lots of weight and now, all my pants were too big for me. I didn't fish nor dance anymore. I was just a shadow. The shadow of myself. The doctors didn't allow me to stay next to Sho during the night and at the beginning, I stayed at our apartment but I was making nightmares every night and Kazu asked me to move in his apartment. I never said 'yes' but he brought me at his home without waiting for an answer. It was funny because before Sho's accident, it was Kazu who needed me to sleep but now, it was me. I appeased his night terrors easily because I only slept two or three hours per nights. Kazu didn't know I stayed awake the whole night, I couldn't tell him. How could I explain when I closed my eyes, I was seeing Sho on the ground with blood on his body? I stopped my work to stay with him every day. There was no life in my eyes anymore, only my reflect.
"Satoshi-kun, it's enough!" Sho's father said one day.
"Hun?" I raised my eyes, not understanding what he meant.
"You are destroying yourself, you are destroying us with this attitude. I want you to leave."
"What?!" I exclaimed, my mouth wide open.
"I want you to stop that. Don't come back, live your life and let our family in peace."
"Shouta..." Sho's mother protested.
"No. It's enough. It's twice more painful seeing my son's boyfriend in this state, praying for his return. It's been one year, now and I'm fed up."
"Sakurai-san, please..." I implored.
"No. Leave this bedroom and don't come back." Shouta's words gagged me and a pain crossed my heart. I fell on my knees, coughing.
"Satoshi-kun!" Sho's mother screamed, panicked.
I coughed painfully before everything became dark.
I woke up in a bed and Jun told me I fainted four hours ago because I was too exhausted. I tried to see Sho but his father didn't allow me to and I cried. I cried the whole day and the night and the day after and the day after this day... I cried every day, imploring Sho's father to let me see his son. After one week, Kazu brought me at his home. At the beginning, I refused to eat and even stayed next to Sho's bedroom, hoping to see my boyfriend even for one second.
I've always been a calm boy but now, I didn't even reply when my friends asked me questions. I stayed in my bedroom, looking at the sky through the window, crying silently. This situation was killing me, I was empty, I felt empty. It had to stop, I couldn't bear anymore.
Kazunari wasn't at home and I walked in the kitchen. I opened the drawer and took it, sitting down on the ground, next to the sofa, and when the knife cut my arm, I sighed in happiness. Soon, everything will be over and I wouldn't have to bear this horrible pain. Soon, I will be in my Sho's arms. The cut didn't even hurt, the pain in my heart was worst.
"Wait for me, Sho." I smiled and closed my eyes, tiredness winning my body.
Yes, soon everything will be over...
To be continued...
A/N: So, now, you know what happened 4 years ago. Tragic moment and I think even if I hate Sho's father, I also understand him xD My logic is big xDDD I just realize it's a nasty cut xD but I'm trying to post quickly when I can "steal" my mother's laptop because if not, you have one chapter per month and I prefer to post quickly than very slowly not to make you wait too much xD See you soon or at least, when I'll be able to steal a computer to post xDDD My mom is kind of severe with studies, especially when it's hard studies xDDD