All these things we don't tell each other (chapter 11)
Title: All these things we don't tell each other
Author: MatsuAurore
Banner: Lilisan31 <3
Pairings: Yama, Ohmiya
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Au, romance, drama, angst
Disclaimer: If I owned them, I would keep the sex parts for me xD
Summary: What can you do when the person you love more than your own life is only looking at your best friend? What can you do when you know this person would never see you like you see her? And if your biggest wish came true but at the same time, getting close to her also meant pushing her farther from you...
Chapter 11:
"Before I knew it, my tears had dried up
Even the pain that'd been blocked out starts to ache
It's only you that I won't let go of again
Please, never disappear
Even if your promise is a short-lived one, I'll just hold on to the warmth in my hands..."
Kazunari
It was like in a dream. I could hear some voices and I was sure one of them belonged to Jun. I tried to open my eyes but my view was blurred and a painfully moan escaped my throat.
"I need him..." I heard Satoshi whispering.
"Why? Satoshi, you know how much I love you but I have to protect Kazunari. He is and will stay the first priority in my life."
"I don't know. I can't explain it myself. I... I need him by my side. I can't lose him... I'm lost."
No. Please, Satoshi, don't cry, it's not your fault if I'm weak. Please my love, don't cry, it's too painful for me!
"I think it would be a good thing if you left this place for a moment. Try to understand your feelings and leave Kazunari alone for a while, you two are destroying yourself too much." Jun said softly.
What?! No. No. No. No. I don't want him to leave. Jun, I need him too. Please, he is my reason to live! J, please, don't do that to me! Satoshi, stay with me, babe!!!
I moaned again when I heard Satoshi closing the door behind him, breaking my heart once again. I wanted to stand up, to run after him but I couldn't even open my eyes and my forehead was burning like hell.
"S...Toshi." I managed to moan.
"Kazu! Are you okay?!" Jun exclaimed, stroking my face softly.
"Sa...toshi..." I gasped, eyes half closed and sweat rolling down my temples.
"He is gone, Kazu, sleep, you have caught a cold and you need some rest." Jun kissed my hair but I just want Satoshi!
"S..shi." I moaned again before closing my eyes, exhausted.
****
When I opened my eyes, I saw Jun sleeping on my chest. I stroked his hair tenderly, making him yawn and blink for a second.
"Kazu?"
"Sorry, I woke you up." I apologized with a slight smile.
"I'm glad, you're awake. Do you feel better?"
"Yes. I slept a long time?"
"Two days. You look better." Jun smiled, checking my temperature.
"Two days?! Where is Satoshi?" I asked, surprised when I didn't see my sleepy friend.
"I..." Jun stopped, lowering his eyes.
"Jun..." I growled in a dangerous tone.
"He is gone."
"What? I hope you are joking!"
"I... I asked him to leave."
"Eh?! Why?!" I almost shouted, angry.
"He... Kazu, you two are destroying yourselves, your relationship isn't sane."
"How did you dare asking him to leave without talking to me about it?!"
"You almost killed him, Kazunari!!" Jun yelled, making me freeze.
"What?"
"You made a crisis and tried to cut his throat!"
"What? No. You're lying... I... It's not possible... I would never... No... I..."
"It's not the real problem, Kazu. Do you realize you are using him like an object?! Do you realize he is using you like a substitute to Sho?! I know you love him but Ohchan is using you not to lose you! Maybe I'm a horrible friend for saying that but I don't want to lose you and your relationship with Satoshi is destroying you, Kaz', I can't stay like that without doing anything!" Jun yelled, tears rolling down his cheeks.
"J..." I whispered when my best friend buried his face in the sheets to gag his sobs. Was he really suffering so much because of me? Was he really afraid to lose me? Maybe he was right. Maybe my relationship with Satoshi was going to kill us from inside.
"I need you, Kazunari. I need you safe and happy in my life, please!" Jun cried harder, his fingers tightening its grip on the sheets.
"I'm sorry, J. I promise I'll try to move on." I whispered.
"Really?" Jun raised his wet face and I hugged him in my arms.
"Yes. I need you too and won't be happy if I make you suffer."
"Kazu, meet a psychologist." I froze, releasing my grip around him.
"No..."
"Kazunari, you must forget him, you have to move on, don't let this bastard destroy you for the rest of your life, please, babe! You must overcome your trauma!" Jun implored, taking my hands in his.
"Ok, I'll try." I sighed, giving up.
"Thank you, Kaz'!"
I smiled weakly. Will I be able to confront my devils? Will I be able to talk about this nightmare to someone else than Jun? I had to try. For J, for Masaki and Satoshi. I had to be strong and erase this pain that was killing me...
Satoshi
I put my stuff on my bed, crying silently. I felt empty, so empty. When Jun asked me to leave Kazu, my heart stopped. I was going to be alone again, I had to face this pain alone. I was living with Kazunari for almost three years and returning in my apartment made me remember Sho. My Sho. Even if I wasn't allowed to see him, I asked for some news to a nurse every day. Every day, when I left Kazu, I went to the hospital to know if my lover was still asleep. And now, I wanted to go there. Taking my keys, I left my apartment quickly.
"Satoshi-kun?" A voice made me jump when I arrived in front of the hospital.
"Shu-chan?" I exclaimed when I saw Sho's brother.
"What are you doing here?" Shu frowned.
"Ano... I..."
"How do you dare coming here after three years?!" Shu yelled, very angry.
"I..."
"You abandoned my brother three years ago and now, you think you can come like that?! Why don't you return to your new boyfriend?!"
"Shu, you..." I stopped. I remembered Sho's father hadn't told Shu I wasn't allowed to see his brother and that's why he never saw me during these three past years.
"Leave! Don't you dare coming again, coward! Leave! You abandoned my brother, you abandoned your own boyfriend!!" Shu yelled.
I made a step back, tears filling my eyes and bowed before running away. It was horrible for me to know Shu was thinking I had abandoned Sho but I couldn't hate him for that, his father made him believe what he wanted...
I closed the door of my apartment and collapsed on the ground, crying. I just wanted to see Kazunari but Jun asked me to let him alone and I didn't want to hurt Kazu anymore. Okay, he didn't love me, okay, he was using me like his object, but I needed him. I was selfish, I knew it but...
One month later...
In the sky that evening is drawing near, I found a train of clouds
Suddenly I want to go back to that city with the familiar smell
People earnestly pile up time and weave their feelings together
Now, each of their smiles are next to me
People you want to run into are there Their kindness spreads as they are waiting for you
The mountains, the wind, and the color of the sea It's the place I can be the most honest
Stories that won't be forgotten are there Holding hands, we hum a song
The mountains, the wind, and the color of the sea This is my hometown
In the colors of the morning glow in the sky, there's a single twinkling star
Its small light shines on a large courage
If we search for the seed of tomorrow within these carefree days
The bell of a new beginning will now resound for you
Because there are days when it rains, a rainbow appears
Because we overcome hardships, we become stronger
The path that I'll walk on and the map that leads to my dream, they are both in my heart
I want to treasure forever the memories of friends that help me
The path that I'll walk on and the map that leads to my dreams That is my hometown
My hometown
This is my hometown
Kazu... He was so beautiful singing in his white suit. I was watching the TV and had found Kazunari singing his last song. It was amazing, he was singing with his heart, I could feel it. His voice was piercing my heart, his eyes were warming me. Kazu looked a bit better, he was less pale and he was smiling. A small smile but it was better than nothing. Seeing him like that got a smile on my lips and I felt a bit happy. At the end of the song, I was crying like a baby, emotion overwhelming me. I took my mp3 and put his songs, laying my head on the pillow and closing my eyes.
"Kazu?"
"Hun?"
"Can I kiss you?" I asked, lifting my body to look at my friend.
"Why?"
"Because I want to kiss you."
"Ok." Nino sighed and grabbed my nape to smack our lips. I let him slip his tongue in my mouth, enjoying the way he was stroking my cheek, sucking and biting my lip, our bodies pressed against each other. Nino pushed me on the grass and climbed on top of me without releasing my mouth. We were moaning in pleasure and Kazu started to unbutton my shirt, his lips traveling on my chest.
"Kazu..." I sighed happily, my hands in his black hair.
"Can I?"
"Yes." I nodded quickly and Nino striped me slowly, kissing and licking every part of my body.
When he buried himself inside of me, I arched my head in the grass, moaning loudly. It was slow and so good. I was trembling, the pleasure overwhelming my mind.
"Satoshi..." Nino whispered, burying his face in my neck, still moving in and out of me.
"Kazu, faster, please!" I implored, closing my legs around his waist to make him move deeper inside of me. His thrusts became fast and hard, hitting my secret spot and soon, we reached our climax in loud screams of pleasure.
"You're amazing." Nino panted, collapsing next to me.
"I'm glad I met you at this party." I smiled, rolling on top of him to kiss him between our laughs.
"You're so beautiful, Satoshi." Nino smiled, stroking my cheek with a tenderly smile....
I opened my eyes, coughing violently. Tears were rolling down my cheeks, I couldn't stop it. Why? Why did I dream about this day? Our love making together, seven years ago. We weren't dating for a long time but I was in love with Kazu and I believed he was too at the way he made love to me and kissed me. I never had made love with a man before and my first time was with Kazunari, this night, at Masaki's party. Nobody knew what happened this day but maybe Jun did. This day with Kazu was the most important and beautiful memory I had.
I went to my work slowly. Today was our last rehearsal before our first performance. I had worked so many hours on this play but today, I hadn't the heart to sing and play in this butai. Sho wouldn't be there after all...
"Tadaima." I said when I came back home this night. The worst in this kind of situation was the silence. My apartment was empty and dark. There wasn't Sho with his newspaper, smiling to me and kissing me deeply before throwing me on our bed to make love to me with passion. I thought I would be used after these three past years but no... Now, there wasn't Kazu anymore and I had to bear this horrible silence, I had to bear Sho's absence. Suddenly, my phone buzzed and I frowned, seeing Shu's name.
"Moshi mosh?"
"Satoshi-san, it's Shu."
"Hello, Shu." I whispered, wondering why he was calling me.
"I'm calling you to apologize. After you left the hospital, I asked for some information and I learned it was papa who was forbidden you to come to see Sho."
"Ah..."
"I'm sorry for yelling at you and saying these horrible things."
"It's okay, Shu-kun."
"I can give you Sho's news every day if you want. Today, Yamapi-sensei told me Sho was better but he said it could still change so, we can't hope too quickly."
"I'm glad Sho is better."
"Satoshi-kun? Are you crying?" Shu asked in a worried tone.
"I'm so happy." I cried even louder.
"You miss him, ne?" Shu whispered in a kind voice.
"Yes. More than anything. I pray every day for his wake up... I love him so much..." I sobbed, hating myself for being so weak.
"Don't stop praying, Satoshi because I'm sure my brother will hear you and will come back for you."
"Thank you, Shu. Tell your brother I love him and I'm waiting for him." I whispered before cutting the line.
I felt better. Now, Shu gave me a new hope. Now, I could hope Sho will soon be awake...
Kazunari
I was seeing a psychologist for one month, now and to be honest, even if I was feeling better, I still made my night terrors. It wasn't easy for me to talk about my painful past without any shame. But I wanted to change. Not for Satoshi because I knew he would never love me, his heart belonged to Sho. But for Jun and Masaki and now, for myself. For moving on and starting a new life.
Today was Satoshi's play. I knew it because I was following him since his beginnings in plays. I loved seeing him singing and dancing because he was amazing and was another person. He wasn't Satoshi anymore.
And today was the same. His voice...his so beautiful voice...his amazing body, his dance and how he was living the play...
At the end of the play, I quickly left but before I could leave the theatre, a hand grabbed my arm.
"Kazunari?" I turned my head to see a surprised Satoshi.
"Yo." I only said and sometimes I would slap my face for being so stupid.
"What are you doing here?" Ohno asked me, leading me in a corridor to talk freely.
"I... I wanted to see your play." I lowered my eyes, blushing.
"So..." Ohno whispered. "How are you?"
"Fine, I'm working on another song and you?"
"I... I'm fine too."
"I'm glad." I made a fake smile but he saw I was forcing myself, the atmosphere between us was very awkward. "Arg. I have to go, it was nice to see you again." Ohno nodded but when he turned on his heel, I grabbed his arm and smacked our lips together.
"Kazu...." Ohno moaned and wrapped his arms around my neck, kissing me back. I missed him so damn much! Feeling his lips on mine almost made me cry but I started to unzip his jeans, my hips rolling against his groin, making us moan. Soon, I was lifting his legs around me and was moving inside of him roughly.
"Gosh... Kazunari..." Ohno gasped and bit my neck to gag his moans. We still were in the corridor of the theatre and someone could find us.
"Satoshi..." I whined and thrusted harder and faster, clinging him violently against the wall. It felt so good fucking him like that again, taking him deeply and roughly, feeling his tight hole around me. Soon, I came inside of him and Ohno released between us in a loud moan.
"What was that for?" Ohno panted.
"A gift for your play, I hadn't any flowers, too expensive." I chuckled.
"Baka." Ohno laughed and buried his face in my neck.
"Satoshi?" I asked, surprised.
"Make love to me again." My heart almost stopped when he whispered these words and grabbing his arm, I led him to my car and drove us to my apartment. Soon, I was pushing him on my bed. Soon, I was moving in and out of him, his legs around my waist. I made love to him three times. Three amazing and wonderful times before we fell asleep, Satoshi's head on my naked chest.
****
I opened my eyes and stood up silently not to wake Satoshi up. He needed to sleep a bit more and I walked in the kitchen to make our breakfast. I was deep in my thoughts when I jumped, feeling two arms around me.
"Good morning." Ohno whispered, kissing my naked back.
"Good morning." I smiled, trying to finish our miso soup.
"Kazu?"
"Hun?"
"For yesterday night..." Ohno started but I cut him off.
"Don't worry, I know it was just sex but if you want to do it again, we can." I stoop up quickly to avoid his gaze, a pain crossing my heart.
"Thank you." Ohno whispered, killing my heart.
"You can come back." I hated myself for saying these words, knowing it would make me suffer again and even more than before.
"Kazunari?"
"Hun?" I raised my eyebrows, Ohno rarely called me like that.
"I... Could you tell me what happened to you ten years ago?" Ohno whispered, lowering his eyes.
I froze. I wasn't expecting him to ask me that. In 9 years, he never asked me what happened this day, knowing I didn’t want to talk about it, so, why? Why did he want to know, now?
"I..."
"Please, Kazu. I want to help you. You know everything about me but I know nothing about you and Jun didn't want to tell me. Please, Kazu, please, tell me." Ohno hugged me tightly and I sighed, giving up.
"Alright. But please, don't hate me." I whispered. We sat on my sofa and I started to tell him the truth.
Tears started to roll down his cheeks and on mines too but I never stopped. I told him everything without knowing it would destroy me completely this time....
To be continued...
A/N: So, new things happened in this chapter too xD a bit of our ohmiya's past and soon, the (almost) complete past of Kazu xD sorry for cutting it here :P Things are really going to change in the next chapter, not in a good way but also not in a bad way xDDD See you when I'll have some time to post the next chapter ^^ I can't believe it was one year ago I was posting my first fic on LJ (1/01/2013), I feel it was ten years ago xD again, 明けましておめでとう!
Author: MatsuAurore
Banner: Lilisan31 <3
Pairings: Yama, Ohmiya
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Au, romance, drama, angst
Disclaimer: If I owned them, I would keep the sex parts for me xD
Summary: What can you do when the person you love more than your own life is only looking at your best friend? What can you do when you know this person would never see you like you see her? And if your biggest wish came true but at the same time, getting close to her also meant pushing her farther from you...
Chapter 11:
"Before I knew it, my tears had dried up
Even the pain that'd been blocked out starts to ache
It's only you that I won't let go of again
Please, never disappear
Even if your promise is a short-lived one, I'll just hold on to the warmth in my hands..."
Kazunari
It was like in a dream. I could hear some voices and I was sure one of them belonged to Jun. I tried to open my eyes but my view was blurred and a painfully moan escaped my throat.
"I need him..." I heard Satoshi whispering.
"Why? Satoshi, you know how much I love you but I have to protect Kazunari. He is and will stay the first priority in my life."
"I don't know. I can't explain it myself. I... I need him by my side. I can't lose him... I'm lost."
No. Please, Satoshi, don't cry, it's not your fault if I'm weak. Please my love, don't cry, it's too painful for me!
"I think it would be a good thing if you left this place for a moment. Try to understand your feelings and leave Kazunari alone for a while, you two are destroying yourself too much." Jun said softly.
What?! No. No. No. No. I don't want him to leave. Jun, I need him too. Please, he is my reason to live! J, please, don't do that to me! Satoshi, stay with me, babe!!!
I moaned again when I heard Satoshi closing the door behind him, breaking my heart once again. I wanted to stand up, to run after him but I couldn't even open my eyes and my forehead was burning like hell.
"S...Toshi." I managed to moan.
"Kazu! Are you okay?!" Jun exclaimed, stroking my face softly.
"Sa...toshi..." I gasped, eyes half closed and sweat rolling down my temples.
"He is gone, Kazu, sleep, you have caught a cold and you need some rest." Jun kissed my hair but I just want Satoshi!
"S..shi." I moaned again before closing my eyes, exhausted.
****
When I opened my eyes, I saw Jun sleeping on my chest. I stroked his hair tenderly, making him yawn and blink for a second.
"Kazu?"
"Sorry, I woke you up." I apologized with a slight smile.
"I'm glad, you're awake. Do you feel better?"
"Yes. I slept a long time?"
"Two days. You look better." Jun smiled, checking my temperature.
"Two days?! Where is Satoshi?" I asked, surprised when I didn't see my sleepy friend.
"I..." Jun stopped, lowering his eyes.
"Jun..." I growled in a dangerous tone.
"He is gone."
"What? I hope you are joking!"
"I... I asked him to leave."
"Eh?! Why?!" I almost shouted, angry.
"He... Kazu, you two are destroying yourselves, your relationship isn't sane."
"How did you dare asking him to leave without talking to me about it?!"
"You almost killed him, Kazunari!!" Jun yelled, making me freeze.
"What?"
"You made a crisis and tried to cut his throat!"
"What? No. You're lying... I... It's not possible... I would never... No... I..."
"It's not the real problem, Kazu. Do you realize you are using him like an object?! Do you realize he is using you like a substitute to Sho?! I know you love him but Ohchan is using you not to lose you! Maybe I'm a horrible friend for saying that but I don't want to lose you and your relationship with Satoshi is destroying you, Kaz', I can't stay like that without doing anything!" Jun yelled, tears rolling down his cheeks.
"J..." I whispered when my best friend buried his face in the sheets to gag his sobs. Was he really suffering so much because of me? Was he really afraid to lose me? Maybe he was right. Maybe my relationship with Satoshi was going to kill us from inside.
"I need you, Kazunari. I need you safe and happy in my life, please!" Jun cried harder, his fingers tightening its grip on the sheets.
"I'm sorry, J. I promise I'll try to move on." I whispered.
"Really?" Jun raised his wet face and I hugged him in my arms.
"Yes. I need you too and won't be happy if I make you suffer."
"Kazu, meet a psychologist." I froze, releasing my grip around him.
"No..."
"Kazunari, you must forget him, you have to move on, don't let this bastard destroy you for the rest of your life, please, babe! You must overcome your trauma!" Jun implored, taking my hands in his.
"Ok, I'll try." I sighed, giving up.
"Thank you, Kaz'!"
I smiled weakly. Will I be able to confront my devils? Will I be able to talk about this nightmare to someone else than Jun? I had to try. For J, for Masaki and Satoshi. I had to be strong and erase this pain that was killing me...
Satoshi
I put my stuff on my bed, crying silently. I felt empty, so empty. When Jun asked me to leave Kazu, my heart stopped. I was going to be alone again, I had to face this pain alone. I was living with Kazunari for almost three years and returning in my apartment made me remember Sho. My Sho. Even if I wasn't allowed to see him, I asked for some news to a nurse every day. Every day, when I left Kazu, I went to the hospital to know if my lover was still asleep. And now, I wanted to go there. Taking my keys, I left my apartment quickly.
"Satoshi-kun?" A voice made me jump when I arrived in front of the hospital.
"Shu-chan?" I exclaimed when I saw Sho's brother.
"What are you doing here?" Shu frowned.
"Ano... I..."
"How do you dare coming here after three years?!" Shu yelled, very angry.
"I..."
"You abandoned my brother three years ago and now, you think you can come like that?! Why don't you return to your new boyfriend?!"
"Shu, you..." I stopped. I remembered Sho's father hadn't told Shu I wasn't allowed to see his brother and that's why he never saw me during these three past years.
"Leave! Don't you dare coming again, coward! Leave! You abandoned my brother, you abandoned your own boyfriend!!" Shu yelled.
I made a step back, tears filling my eyes and bowed before running away. It was horrible for me to know Shu was thinking I had abandoned Sho but I couldn't hate him for that, his father made him believe what he wanted...
I closed the door of my apartment and collapsed on the ground, crying. I just wanted to see Kazunari but Jun asked me to let him alone and I didn't want to hurt Kazu anymore. Okay, he didn't love me, okay, he was using me like his object, but I needed him. I was selfish, I knew it but...
One month later...
In the sky that evening is drawing near, I found a train of clouds
Suddenly I want to go back to that city with the familiar smell
People earnestly pile up time and weave their feelings together
Now, each of their smiles are next to me
People you want to run into are there Their kindness spreads as they are waiting for you
The mountains, the wind, and the color of the sea It's the place I can be the most honest
Stories that won't be forgotten are there Holding hands, we hum a song
The mountains, the wind, and the color of the sea This is my hometown
In the colors of the morning glow in the sky, there's a single twinkling star
Its small light shines on a large courage
If we search for the seed of tomorrow within these carefree days
The bell of a new beginning will now resound for you
Because there are days when it rains, a rainbow appears
Because we overcome hardships, we become stronger
The path that I'll walk on and the map that leads to my dream, they are both in my heart
I want to treasure forever the memories of friends that help me
The path that I'll walk on and the map that leads to my dreams That is my hometown
My hometown
This is my hometown
Kazu... He was so beautiful singing in his white suit. I was watching the TV and had found Kazunari singing his last song. It was amazing, he was singing with his heart, I could feel it. His voice was piercing my heart, his eyes were warming me. Kazu looked a bit better, he was less pale and he was smiling. A small smile but it was better than nothing. Seeing him like that got a smile on my lips and I felt a bit happy. At the end of the song, I was crying like a baby, emotion overwhelming me. I took my mp3 and put his songs, laying my head on the pillow and closing my eyes.
"Kazu?"
"Hun?"
"Can I kiss you?" I asked, lifting my body to look at my friend.
"Why?"
"Because I want to kiss you."
"Ok." Nino sighed and grabbed my nape to smack our lips. I let him slip his tongue in my mouth, enjoying the way he was stroking my cheek, sucking and biting my lip, our bodies pressed against each other. Nino pushed me on the grass and climbed on top of me without releasing my mouth. We were moaning in pleasure and Kazu started to unbutton my shirt, his lips traveling on my chest.
"Kazu..." I sighed happily, my hands in his black hair.
"Can I?"
"Yes." I nodded quickly and Nino striped me slowly, kissing and licking every part of my body.
When he buried himself inside of me, I arched my head in the grass, moaning loudly. It was slow and so good. I was trembling, the pleasure overwhelming my mind.
"Satoshi..." Nino whispered, burying his face in my neck, still moving in and out of me.
"Kazu, faster, please!" I implored, closing my legs around his waist to make him move deeper inside of me. His thrusts became fast and hard, hitting my secret spot and soon, we reached our climax in loud screams of pleasure.
"You're amazing." Nino panted, collapsing next to me.
"I'm glad I met you at this party." I smiled, rolling on top of him to kiss him between our laughs.
"You're so beautiful, Satoshi." Nino smiled, stroking my cheek with a tenderly smile....
I opened my eyes, coughing violently. Tears were rolling down my cheeks, I couldn't stop it. Why? Why did I dream about this day? Our love making together, seven years ago. We weren't dating for a long time but I was in love with Kazu and I believed he was too at the way he made love to me and kissed me. I never had made love with a man before and my first time was with Kazunari, this night, at Masaki's party. Nobody knew what happened this day but maybe Jun did. This day with Kazu was the most important and beautiful memory I had.
I went to my work slowly. Today was our last rehearsal before our first performance. I had worked so many hours on this play but today, I hadn't the heart to sing and play in this butai. Sho wouldn't be there after all...
"Tadaima." I said when I came back home this night. The worst in this kind of situation was the silence. My apartment was empty and dark. There wasn't Sho with his newspaper, smiling to me and kissing me deeply before throwing me on our bed to make love to me with passion. I thought I would be used after these three past years but no... Now, there wasn't Kazu anymore and I had to bear this horrible silence, I had to bear Sho's absence. Suddenly, my phone buzzed and I frowned, seeing Shu's name.
"Moshi mosh?"
"Satoshi-san, it's Shu."
"Hello, Shu." I whispered, wondering why he was calling me.
"I'm calling you to apologize. After you left the hospital, I asked for some information and I learned it was papa who was forbidden you to come to see Sho."
"Ah..."
"I'm sorry for yelling at you and saying these horrible things."
"It's okay, Shu-kun."
"I can give you Sho's news every day if you want. Today, Yamapi-sensei told me Sho was better but he said it could still change so, we can't hope too quickly."
"I'm glad Sho is better."
"Satoshi-kun? Are you crying?" Shu asked in a worried tone.
"I'm so happy." I cried even louder.
"You miss him, ne?" Shu whispered in a kind voice.
"Yes. More than anything. I pray every day for his wake up... I love him so much..." I sobbed, hating myself for being so weak.
"Don't stop praying, Satoshi because I'm sure my brother will hear you and will come back for you."
"Thank you, Shu. Tell your brother I love him and I'm waiting for him." I whispered before cutting the line.
I felt better. Now, Shu gave me a new hope. Now, I could hope Sho will soon be awake...
Kazunari
I was seeing a psychologist for one month, now and to be honest, even if I was feeling better, I still made my night terrors. It wasn't easy for me to talk about my painful past without any shame. But I wanted to change. Not for Satoshi because I knew he would never love me, his heart belonged to Sho. But for Jun and Masaki and now, for myself. For moving on and starting a new life.
Today was Satoshi's play. I knew it because I was following him since his beginnings in plays. I loved seeing him singing and dancing because he was amazing and was another person. He wasn't Satoshi anymore.
And today was the same. His voice...his so beautiful voice...his amazing body, his dance and how he was living the play...
At the end of the play, I quickly left but before I could leave the theatre, a hand grabbed my arm.
"Kazunari?" I turned my head to see a surprised Satoshi.
"Yo." I only said and sometimes I would slap my face for being so stupid.
"What are you doing here?" Ohno asked me, leading me in a corridor to talk freely.
"I... I wanted to see your play." I lowered my eyes, blushing.
"So..." Ohno whispered. "How are you?"
"Fine, I'm working on another song and you?"
"I... I'm fine too."
"I'm glad." I made a fake smile but he saw I was forcing myself, the atmosphere between us was very awkward. "Arg. I have to go, it was nice to see you again." Ohno nodded but when he turned on his heel, I grabbed his arm and smacked our lips together.
"Kazu...." Ohno moaned and wrapped his arms around my neck, kissing me back. I missed him so damn much! Feeling his lips on mine almost made me cry but I started to unzip his jeans, my hips rolling against his groin, making us moan. Soon, I was lifting his legs around me and was moving inside of him roughly.
"Gosh... Kazunari..." Ohno gasped and bit my neck to gag his moans. We still were in the corridor of the theatre and someone could find us.
"Satoshi..." I whined and thrusted harder and faster, clinging him violently against the wall. It felt so good fucking him like that again, taking him deeply and roughly, feeling his tight hole around me. Soon, I came inside of him and Ohno released between us in a loud moan.
"What was that for?" Ohno panted.
"A gift for your play, I hadn't any flowers, too expensive." I chuckled.
"Baka." Ohno laughed and buried his face in my neck.
"Satoshi?" I asked, surprised.
"Make love to me again." My heart almost stopped when he whispered these words and grabbing his arm, I led him to my car and drove us to my apartment. Soon, I was pushing him on my bed. Soon, I was moving in and out of him, his legs around my waist. I made love to him three times. Three amazing and wonderful times before we fell asleep, Satoshi's head on my naked chest.
****
I opened my eyes and stood up silently not to wake Satoshi up. He needed to sleep a bit more and I walked in the kitchen to make our breakfast. I was deep in my thoughts when I jumped, feeling two arms around me.
"Good morning." Ohno whispered, kissing my naked back.
"Good morning." I smiled, trying to finish our miso soup.
"Kazu?"
"Hun?"
"For yesterday night..." Ohno started but I cut him off.
"Don't worry, I know it was just sex but if you want to do it again, we can." I stoop up quickly to avoid his gaze, a pain crossing my heart.
"Thank you." Ohno whispered, killing my heart.
"You can come back." I hated myself for saying these words, knowing it would make me suffer again and even more than before.
"Kazunari?"
"Hun?" I raised my eyebrows, Ohno rarely called me like that.
"I... Could you tell me what happened to you ten years ago?" Ohno whispered, lowering his eyes.
I froze. I wasn't expecting him to ask me that. In 9 years, he never asked me what happened this day, knowing I didn’t want to talk about it, so, why? Why did he want to know, now?
"I..."
"Please, Kazu. I want to help you. You know everything about me but I know nothing about you and Jun didn't want to tell me. Please, Kazu, please, tell me." Ohno hugged me tightly and I sighed, giving up.
"Alright. But please, don't hate me." I whispered. We sat on my sofa and I started to tell him the truth.
Tears started to roll down his cheeks and on mines too but I never stopped. I told him everything without knowing it would destroy me completely this time....
To be continued...
A/N: So, new things happened in this chapter too xD a bit of our ohmiya's past and soon, the (almost) complete past of Kazu xD sorry for cutting it here :P Things are really going to change in the next chapter, not in a good way but also not in a bad way xDDD See you when I'll have some time to post the next chapter ^^ I can't believe it was one year ago I was posting my first fic on LJ (1/01/2013), I feel it was ten years ago xD again, 明けましておめでとう!