All these things we don't tell each other (chapter 12)
Title: All these things we don't tell each other
Author: MatsuAurore
Banner: Lilisan31 <3
Pairings: Yama, Ohmiya, Matsumiya
Rating: R for violence
Genre: Au, romance, drama, angst
Disclaimer: If I owned them, I would keep the sex parts for me xD
Summary: What can you do when the person you love more than your own life is only looking at your best friend? What can you do when you know this person would never see you like you see her? And if your biggest wish came true but at the same time, getting close to her also meant pushing her farther from you...
Chapter 12:
"Let's go fly away
Our dreams are faraway
But someday we'll reach them
If I'm with you, we can overcome anything
We can go
Run through the night reach to the sky
We'll carve out never-ending memories
My heart is waiting for you..."
When I opened my eyes, a smile spread my lips, seeing Jun under me. He was so beautiful with his locks of hair falling on his sleepy face. I pecked his lips and stood up but a hand grabbed my wrist and I fell on top of a smiling Jun.
"Where do you think you are going, brat?!" Jun smirked.
"Breakfast, all these activities made me hungry." I chuckled, Jun blushing deeply with the allusion.
"Stay here." He wrapped his arms around me and hugged me tightly. I buried my face in his neck, smelling his scent with happiness. "Stay with me." Jun whispered again but I knew what he really meant and nodded happily before catching his lips for a deep kiss.
"I love you, J."
"I love you too my Kazunari."
For a year, I dated Jun as his boyfriend. We made love every day in a way I wouldn't be able to describe. It was amazing, wonderful and full of love, our hearts beating roughly with happiness. But one day, everything changed. One day, someone destroyed this deep love between us.
During these past months, I had a weird feeling. It was as if someone was stalking me or watching me. Even when Jun was making love to me, I could feel something was weird, as if a pair of eyes was staring at us.
"Don't worry, babe, we're alone." Jun told me after a torrid love making.
"Hun. I love you."
"Me too. Sleep now." Jun kissed my forehead and I fell asleep.
When I opened my eyes, Jun wasn't here anymore. I was in a bed but not mine.
"You're finally awake Kazu." A man smiled.
"Who are you?" I asked, panic invading my whole body.
"Oh, you don't recognize me, what a nasty boy I have, don't I?" The man slapped my face violently, making me gasp in pain.
"Matsuyama..." I whispered.
Matsuyama Tsukasa, 35 years old and one of the directors of the orphan where Jun and I were living. He was a weird guy but I never imagined he could be insane.
"Yes, dear." Matsuyama clapped his hands with a happy smile.
"What do you want? Why am I here?!" I yelled.
"I'm here to save you, Kazunari." Matsuyama smirked.
"Eh?" I gasped, shocked.
"Yes. To save you from this bastard who is fucking my beautiful angel every day!"
It took me a second to realize he was talking about Jun. Sweat drops started to roll down my temple. Shit. If he harmed my J...
"What do you want, then?"
"You see Kazunari, when you arrived here the first time, I knew you were special. You looked so weak but at the same time determination was shining in your eyes. I understood I would do anything for you."
"What will you do to me?" I whispered, afraid.
"To you? Nothing, babe. You're too beautiful to be harmed but I can do something very funny." Matsuyama smirked and opened a purple curtain.
I screamed like I never did. Behind a glass, there was Jun, laid on the ground.
"Bastard! Release him!!!" I yelled.
"Tsss, not now, Kazu-kun." The man smirked.
"Please, don't harm my J, please, I'm begging you!" I implored with despair.
I saw Jun opening his eyes and looking at me, lost.
"J!!!!" I shouted.
"Kazu!!" Jun screamed, hitting the glass.
"Jun, don't worry, I'll save you!" I cried, trying to free my hands but the ropes around were too tightened.
"Now, the game is starting." Matsuyama chuckled.
"The game?"
"Yes. If your answer doesn't please me, Jun will pay for it." The man opened the glass and threw Jun on the ground.
"Kazu!" Jun screamed, not understanding what was happening.
"Alright. First game." Matsuyama switched a big TV on and I froze, seeing Jun making love to me for the first time. We were moaning loudly and I could see the pleasure on our faces.
"Where did you get that?!" I yelled.
"Hum, I have a very good video camera, you know. It was your first time together, ne? How was it?"
"I won't tell you!"
"Alright." Matsuyama chuckled and hit Jun in the stomach.
"Jun!!! Bastard!!" I shouted.
"Will you answer?" The man laughed. I stared at him for a second, trying to guess where the trap was. He hated Jun and seemed to like me. He had movies of our love making and asked me easy questions. I blinked, understanding what he wanted to really hear.
"Kazunari?" Matsuyama repeated, approaching Jun.
"I didn't feel anything. Jun was very bad." It killed me saying that and seeing Jun's wide eyes but he had to trust me.
"Good answer." The insane man nodded after a while. He put another video and I saw Jun and I talking and laughing, sometimes kissing each other. Tears filled my eyes when I remembered this amazing day.
"It was a fake smile. Jun was very bored and I was wishing to leave." I lowered my head, crying silently.
"Will it make you feel better if I hit him?" Matsuyama hit Jun again, making him scream in pain.
"No, please, don't harm him!" I cried.
"You are crying, I hate seeing you crying because of this bastard!" The man yelled, hitting Jun again and again.
"I'm not crying, I'm okay!" I shouted, wiping my tears with difficulty.
Matsuyama walked toward me and stroked my cheek kindly.
"He is such a little shit, isn't he?"
"Yes. He is." I whispered in a broken voice. Jun was whining in pain, blood covering his body.
"Alright, now, it's your turn to take care of him." Matsuyama smirked and released my hands.
"What?!"
The man threw me toward Jun and gave me a baseball bat.
"Hit him!"
"Never!" I spitted.
"Hit him, I said!!" Matsuyama punched my face violently.
"No! You can kill me, I don't care." I wiped the blood on my mouth, looking at him with dangerous eyes. Matsuyama laughed and, grabbing my arm, threw me against the wall.
"If you don't hit him, I'll cut his throat!" The man chuckled, taking a knife and moving toward Jun.
"No, please!!" I implored with despair.
"Beat him, then!"
I walked toward Jun, crying loudly and closing my eyes, I hit him. Jun screamed in pain and I almost took him in my arms to erase his pain.
"Harder!" Matsuyama ordered.
"No." I replied.
"Do you want I kill him? What the best choice is? Beating him or killing him?"
"He'll die if I hit him!" I yelled.
"You don't know. But okay." Matsuyama grabbed Jun's arm and when the knife touched his throat, I screamed with despair.
"Yamero!!!!" The man stopped, smirking. "Harder this time!"
I shivered and looked at Jun who was almost unconscious. I hit him again before throwing up on the floor when I saw the blood leaving Jun's body.
"Harder!" I took a deep breath. I had to do something or Jun would die under my own hits. Taking all my courage, I turned around and hit Matsuyama with the baseball bat roughly. The director collapsed on the ground and lifting Jun in my arms, I tried to find a way to escape.
"Kazu..." Jun moaned against my shoulder.
"Tsss, don't speak, J, I'll save you."
"I love you, brat." Jun chuckled between two coughs, spitting some blood on my shirt.
"I love you too, princess but please, hold on!" I implored, still running. I sighed in relief when I saw a door and opened it quickly but a hand grabbed my leg and I fell on the ground with Jun.
"Where do you think you are going, little bastard?!"
I hit him with my feet and pushed Jun outside of this hell but when I wanted to follow him, Matsuyama caught my arm and threw me on the floor.
"I tried to save you and it's how you thank me?!" The man punched my face, making me see stars.
"Let-m-e-g-o." I moaned painfully.
"How did you dare falling in love with this bastard?! He doesn't deserve you!"
Matsuyama grabbed my throat with both hands and I gasped, air leaving my lungs. I scratched his skin, trying to breath but he tightened his grip and I thought I was going to die when suddenly, the director froze. He lowered his eyes and saw his knife sank in his chest. Matsuyama collapsed on the ground and I coughed violently. I praised myself for thinking to take his knife when I hit him earlier and now, Matsuyama was dead...
I opened the door and lifted Jun on my back before walking to find some help.
"Hold on, Jun, please! Hold on my love, you promised you would always be here for me!" I cried but Jun didn't answer and I fell on the ground, exhausted.
Satoshi was looking at me, crying but I was looking away to hide my tears.
"Kazu..."
"When I woke up, we were at hospital, someone had found us. Jun stayed in coma for six months and I believed I had lost him forever." I whispered.
"But he woke up..."
"Yes. He didn't remember anything and I lied to him. I told him Matsuyama had kidnapped me but only me and had only hit him on the head." I sighed. "But he knew there was something else because I never allowed someone to touch me instead of him and I refused to let him make love to me anymore. Guilty was eating me. When I was looking at him, I could see myself beating him and I couldn't handle what I did to him this day. We stayed very close but not as lovers and I started to make my night terrors some months after this day."
"So, you were in love with him?"
"Yes. Jun is my first love but Matsuyama broke me this day and at the same time broke our relationship. I'm so happy he found Masaki and fell in love with him, he deserves to be happy." I smiled softly.
"When you make your night terrors, you are dreaming about Matsuyama?"
"Yes. But mostly about Jun. I'm dreaming I'm hitting him and I'm killing him. I can smell the blood and I even have its taste on my tongue. That's why I refused to see a psychologist. It was too painful for me to remember what I did to him. I almost killed him, Satoshi."
"Kazu..." Ohno took me in his arms and I burst into tears, releasing all this pain that I had in my heart for 9 years.
He rocked me in his arms during the whole night and I fell asleep, exhausted.
Satoshi
To be honest, I wasn't expecting this kind of past. I would never think Jun had gone through such horrible things with Kazunari. I understood now, why Kazu was so fragile and made these night terrors. How could you live with a past like that without any troubles? Kazu was trying to be strong and to hold that alone when everybody would give up in his situation. I also understood why Kazunari needed to be loved and was so sensitive despite his efforts to hide his feelings.
I stroked his wet and sleeping face before kissing his lips and leaving the bedroom.
"He told you?"
"Yes. Everything." I nodded, sitting on the sofa and taking a cigarette.
"Good."
"Jun, I..."
"I know the truth." Jun cut me off.
"Eh?!"
"I remember what happened this day, I never forgot." Jun whispered and lifted his shirt. I gasped, seeing a deep scar on the side of his torso. "A scar from this day. Kazunari made it when he hit me."
"But..."
"I made him believe I didn't remember to save him. I knew he would hate himself even more if he knew I was remembering everything. You know, this bastard kidnapped us during five days."
"Five?!"
"Yes. He kept Kazu unconscious and beat me." Jun sighed, hugging his legs against his chest.
"I understand now, why Kazunari is so broken." I whispered.
"He is stronger than he thinks but he needs this therapy with the psychologist. Even if it's tough and he feels guilty, he has to face his past."
"And you think lying to me was a good thing?!" Jun and I jumped when we saw Nino in the living room, crying.
"Kazu..." Jun stood up but Nino moved back.
"How did you dare lying to me during these 9 years?!" Nino yelled.
"To protect you! Do you really think you're the only one who is suffering and feeling guilty?!" Jun shouted, anger shining in his beautiful chocolate eyes. I've never seen him like that before. He was different.
"J..."
"It kills me knowing what this bastard did to you! It kills me knowing you had to live with that, knowing you had killed a human and had beaten your own boyfriend! It..." Jun fell on his knees, crying loudly.
"J!" Nino kneeled and hugged him tightly.
"I'm so sorry, Kazu. I'm so sorry you went through that and I wasn't able to protect you." Jun sobbed against Nino's chest.
"Jun, it's not your fault."
"Then, stop thinking you're the culprit in this story. Stop destroying yourself and move on!" Jun whispered.
"I promise. I promise I'll do all I can to overcome my trauma and stop these night terrors." Nino kissed Jun's head.
"Thank you, Kazu. I love you."
"I love you too my J. But you have to move on too, babe."
"We'll do our best together, ne?"
"Yes. Together, like always when we met this day." Nino smiled.
When Jun left, I stayed with Kazu and he made love to me almost the whole afternoon. I could feel he was different now he knew the truth. A weight had left his heart.
My phone rang, waking me up and I answered with a loud yawn.
"Moshi moshi?" I mumbled.
"Satoshi?" I froze. What?!
"Sho?" I whispered, my face blanking and air leaving my lungs.
To be continued...
A/N: So, here is the biggest part of Kazu's past, there is more but I thought for the moment it was enough xD my poor baby, he suffered a lot and Jun too T.T See you this week end if I can post <3
Author: MatsuAurore
Banner: Lilisan31 <3
Pairings: Yama, Ohmiya, Matsumiya
Rating: R for violence
Genre: Au, romance, drama, angst
Disclaimer: If I owned them, I would keep the sex parts for me xD
Summary: What can you do when the person you love more than your own life is only looking at your best friend? What can you do when you know this person would never see you like you see her? And if your biggest wish came true but at the same time, getting close to her also meant pushing her farther from you...
Chapter 12:
"Let's go fly away
Our dreams are faraway
But someday we'll reach them
If I'm with you, we can overcome anything
We can go
Run through the night reach to the sky
We'll carve out never-ending memories
My heart is waiting for you..."
When I opened my eyes, a smile spread my lips, seeing Jun under me. He was so beautiful with his locks of hair falling on his sleepy face. I pecked his lips and stood up but a hand grabbed my wrist and I fell on top of a smiling Jun.
"Where do you think you are going, brat?!" Jun smirked.
"Breakfast, all these activities made me hungry." I chuckled, Jun blushing deeply with the allusion.
"Stay here." He wrapped his arms around me and hugged me tightly. I buried my face in his neck, smelling his scent with happiness. "Stay with me." Jun whispered again but I knew what he really meant and nodded happily before catching his lips for a deep kiss.
"I love you, J."
"I love you too my Kazunari."
For a year, I dated Jun as his boyfriend. We made love every day in a way I wouldn't be able to describe. It was amazing, wonderful and full of love, our hearts beating roughly with happiness. But one day, everything changed. One day, someone destroyed this deep love between us.
During these past months, I had a weird feeling. It was as if someone was stalking me or watching me. Even when Jun was making love to me, I could feel something was weird, as if a pair of eyes was staring at us.
"Don't worry, babe, we're alone." Jun told me after a torrid love making.
"Hun. I love you."
"Me too. Sleep now." Jun kissed my forehead and I fell asleep.
When I opened my eyes, Jun wasn't here anymore. I was in a bed but not mine.
"You're finally awake Kazu." A man smiled.
"Who are you?" I asked, panic invading my whole body.
"Oh, you don't recognize me, what a nasty boy I have, don't I?" The man slapped my face violently, making me gasp in pain.
"Matsuyama..." I whispered.
Matsuyama Tsukasa, 35 years old and one of the directors of the orphan where Jun and I were living. He was a weird guy but I never imagined he could be insane.
"Yes, dear." Matsuyama clapped his hands with a happy smile.
"What do you want? Why am I here?!" I yelled.
"I'm here to save you, Kazunari." Matsuyama smirked.
"Eh?" I gasped, shocked.
"Yes. To save you from this bastard who is fucking my beautiful angel every day!"
It took me a second to realize he was talking about Jun. Sweat drops started to roll down my temple. Shit. If he harmed my J...
"What do you want, then?"
"You see Kazunari, when you arrived here the first time, I knew you were special. You looked so weak but at the same time determination was shining in your eyes. I understood I would do anything for you."
"What will you do to me?" I whispered, afraid.
"To you? Nothing, babe. You're too beautiful to be harmed but I can do something very funny." Matsuyama smirked and opened a purple curtain.
I screamed like I never did. Behind a glass, there was Jun, laid on the ground.
"Bastard! Release him!!!" I yelled.
"Tsss, not now, Kazu-kun." The man smirked.
"Please, don't harm my J, please, I'm begging you!" I implored with despair.
I saw Jun opening his eyes and looking at me, lost.
"J!!!!" I shouted.
"Kazu!!" Jun screamed, hitting the glass.
"Jun, don't worry, I'll save you!" I cried, trying to free my hands but the ropes around were too tightened.
"Now, the game is starting." Matsuyama chuckled.
"The game?"
"Yes. If your answer doesn't please me, Jun will pay for it." The man opened the glass and threw Jun on the ground.
"Kazu!" Jun screamed, not understanding what was happening.
"Alright. First game." Matsuyama switched a big TV on and I froze, seeing Jun making love to me for the first time. We were moaning loudly and I could see the pleasure on our faces.
"Where did you get that?!" I yelled.
"Hum, I have a very good video camera, you know. It was your first time together, ne? How was it?"
"I won't tell you!"
"Alright." Matsuyama chuckled and hit Jun in the stomach.
"Jun!!! Bastard!!" I shouted.
"Will you answer?" The man laughed. I stared at him for a second, trying to guess where the trap was. He hated Jun and seemed to like me. He had movies of our love making and asked me easy questions. I blinked, understanding what he wanted to really hear.
"Kazunari?" Matsuyama repeated, approaching Jun.
"I didn't feel anything. Jun was very bad." It killed me saying that and seeing Jun's wide eyes but he had to trust me.
"Good answer." The insane man nodded after a while. He put another video and I saw Jun and I talking and laughing, sometimes kissing each other. Tears filled my eyes when I remembered this amazing day.
"It was a fake smile. Jun was very bored and I was wishing to leave." I lowered my head, crying silently.
"Will it make you feel better if I hit him?" Matsuyama hit Jun again, making him scream in pain.
"No, please, don't harm him!" I cried.
"You are crying, I hate seeing you crying because of this bastard!" The man yelled, hitting Jun again and again.
"I'm not crying, I'm okay!" I shouted, wiping my tears with difficulty.
Matsuyama walked toward me and stroked my cheek kindly.
"He is such a little shit, isn't he?"
"Yes. He is." I whispered in a broken voice. Jun was whining in pain, blood covering his body.
"Alright, now, it's your turn to take care of him." Matsuyama smirked and released my hands.
"What?!"
The man threw me toward Jun and gave me a baseball bat.
"Hit him!"
"Never!" I spitted.
"Hit him, I said!!" Matsuyama punched my face violently.
"No! You can kill me, I don't care." I wiped the blood on my mouth, looking at him with dangerous eyes. Matsuyama laughed and, grabbing my arm, threw me against the wall.
"If you don't hit him, I'll cut his throat!" The man chuckled, taking a knife and moving toward Jun.
"No, please!!" I implored with despair.
"Beat him, then!"
I walked toward Jun, crying loudly and closing my eyes, I hit him. Jun screamed in pain and I almost took him in my arms to erase his pain.
"Harder!" Matsuyama ordered.
"No." I replied.
"Do you want I kill him? What the best choice is? Beating him or killing him?"
"He'll die if I hit him!" I yelled.
"You don't know. But okay." Matsuyama grabbed Jun's arm and when the knife touched his throat, I screamed with despair.
"Yamero!!!!" The man stopped, smirking. "Harder this time!"
I shivered and looked at Jun who was almost unconscious. I hit him again before throwing up on the floor when I saw the blood leaving Jun's body.
"Harder!" I took a deep breath. I had to do something or Jun would die under my own hits. Taking all my courage, I turned around and hit Matsuyama with the baseball bat roughly. The director collapsed on the ground and lifting Jun in my arms, I tried to find a way to escape.
"Kazu..." Jun moaned against my shoulder.
"Tsss, don't speak, J, I'll save you."
"I love you, brat." Jun chuckled between two coughs, spitting some blood on my shirt.
"I love you too, princess but please, hold on!" I implored, still running. I sighed in relief when I saw a door and opened it quickly but a hand grabbed my leg and I fell on the ground with Jun.
"Where do you think you are going, little bastard?!"
I hit him with my feet and pushed Jun outside of this hell but when I wanted to follow him, Matsuyama caught my arm and threw me on the floor.
"I tried to save you and it's how you thank me?!" The man punched my face, making me see stars.
"Let-m-e-g-o." I moaned painfully.
"How did you dare falling in love with this bastard?! He doesn't deserve you!"
Matsuyama grabbed my throat with both hands and I gasped, air leaving my lungs. I scratched his skin, trying to breath but he tightened his grip and I thought I was going to die when suddenly, the director froze. He lowered his eyes and saw his knife sank in his chest. Matsuyama collapsed on the ground and I coughed violently. I praised myself for thinking to take his knife when I hit him earlier and now, Matsuyama was dead...
I opened the door and lifted Jun on my back before walking to find some help.
"Hold on, Jun, please! Hold on my love, you promised you would always be here for me!" I cried but Jun didn't answer and I fell on the ground, exhausted.
Satoshi was looking at me, crying but I was looking away to hide my tears.
"Kazu..."
"When I woke up, we were at hospital, someone had found us. Jun stayed in coma for six months and I believed I had lost him forever." I whispered.
"But he woke up..."
"Yes. He didn't remember anything and I lied to him. I told him Matsuyama had kidnapped me but only me and had only hit him on the head." I sighed. "But he knew there was something else because I never allowed someone to touch me instead of him and I refused to let him make love to me anymore. Guilty was eating me. When I was looking at him, I could see myself beating him and I couldn't handle what I did to him this day. We stayed very close but not as lovers and I started to make my night terrors some months after this day."
"So, you were in love with him?"
"Yes. Jun is my first love but Matsuyama broke me this day and at the same time broke our relationship. I'm so happy he found Masaki and fell in love with him, he deserves to be happy." I smiled softly.
"When you make your night terrors, you are dreaming about Matsuyama?"
"Yes. But mostly about Jun. I'm dreaming I'm hitting him and I'm killing him. I can smell the blood and I even have its taste on my tongue. That's why I refused to see a psychologist. It was too painful for me to remember what I did to him. I almost killed him, Satoshi."
"Kazu..." Ohno took me in his arms and I burst into tears, releasing all this pain that I had in my heart for 9 years.
He rocked me in his arms during the whole night and I fell asleep, exhausted.
Satoshi
To be honest, I wasn't expecting this kind of past. I would never think Jun had gone through such horrible things with Kazunari. I understood now, why Kazu was so fragile and made these night terrors. How could you live with a past like that without any troubles? Kazu was trying to be strong and to hold that alone when everybody would give up in his situation. I also understood why Kazunari needed to be loved and was so sensitive despite his efforts to hide his feelings.
I stroked his wet and sleeping face before kissing his lips and leaving the bedroom.
"He told you?"
"Yes. Everything." I nodded, sitting on the sofa and taking a cigarette.
"Good."
"Jun, I..."
"I know the truth." Jun cut me off.
"Eh?!"
"I remember what happened this day, I never forgot." Jun whispered and lifted his shirt. I gasped, seeing a deep scar on the side of his torso. "A scar from this day. Kazunari made it when he hit me."
"But..."
"I made him believe I didn't remember to save him. I knew he would hate himself even more if he knew I was remembering everything. You know, this bastard kidnapped us during five days."
"Five?!"
"Yes. He kept Kazu unconscious and beat me." Jun sighed, hugging his legs against his chest.
"I understand now, why Kazunari is so broken." I whispered.
"He is stronger than he thinks but he needs this therapy with the psychologist. Even if it's tough and he feels guilty, he has to face his past."
"And you think lying to me was a good thing?!" Jun and I jumped when we saw Nino in the living room, crying.
"Kazu..." Jun stood up but Nino moved back.
"How did you dare lying to me during these 9 years?!" Nino yelled.
"To protect you! Do you really think you're the only one who is suffering and feeling guilty?!" Jun shouted, anger shining in his beautiful chocolate eyes. I've never seen him like that before. He was different.
"J..."
"It kills me knowing what this bastard did to you! It kills me knowing you had to live with that, knowing you had killed a human and had beaten your own boyfriend! It..." Jun fell on his knees, crying loudly.
"J!" Nino kneeled and hugged him tightly.
"I'm so sorry, Kazu. I'm so sorry you went through that and I wasn't able to protect you." Jun sobbed against Nino's chest.
"Jun, it's not your fault."
"Then, stop thinking you're the culprit in this story. Stop destroying yourself and move on!" Jun whispered.
"I promise. I promise I'll do all I can to overcome my trauma and stop these night terrors." Nino kissed Jun's head.
"Thank you, Kazu. I love you."
"I love you too my J. But you have to move on too, babe."
"We'll do our best together, ne?"
"Yes. Together, like always when we met this day." Nino smiled.
When Jun left, I stayed with Kazu and he made love to me almost the whole afternoon. I could feel he was different now he knew the truth. A weight had left his heart.
My phone rang, waking me up and I answered with a loud yawn.
"Moshi moshi?" I mumbled.
"Satoshi?" I froze. What?!
"Sho?" I whispered, my face blanking and air leaving my lungs.
To be continued...
A/N: So, here is the biggest part of Kazu's past, there is more but I thought for the moment it was enough xD my poor baby, he suffered a lot and Jun too T.T See you this week end if I can post <3