All these things we don't tell each other (chapter 14)
Title: All these things we don't tell each other
Author: MatsuAurore
Banner: Lilisan31 <3
Pairings: Yama, Ohmiya, Matsumiya (friendship)
Rating: NC-17
Genre: Au, romance, drama, angst
Disclaimer: If I owned them, I would keep the sex parts for me xD
Summary: What can you do when the person you love more than your own life is only looking at your best friend? What can you do when you know this person would never see you like you see her? And if your biggest wish came true but at the same time, getting close to her also meant pushing her farther from you...
Chapter 14:
But listen to your heart
Before you tell him goodbye...
Kazunari
Leaving Satoshi was the worst thing I did in my whole life but it was the best thing to do. I left my apartment and stayed at Jun's when he almost kidnapped me to be sure I was safe. During five months, I tried to forget. During five months of nightmares, I tried to move on. My psychologist was happy because I was slowly overcoming my trauma. I still made my night terrors but never told it to Jun. I hid it. The night I was tying me up to my bed and it worked. It was my secret. Another secret. Another thing I didn't tell to my family. To try to move on, I wrote. I wrote a new song, putting every part of myself and my heart inside the words. It was like a second therapy to forget my pain. I wrote my weaknesses, my feelings, my sadness to create something able to erase the darkness of my soul. In fact, I wrote my soul. I wanted a new album for a new life and a new start. Looking at my diary, I took some songs inside of this book for this new album. Songs talking about my heart, songs talking about my only one, about my Half.Satoshi. This album will be for him, to tell him what I felt during these past nine years of friendship. Maybe it will heal my heart if I screamed to the world how much I loved him.
"Kazu?" Jun asked, sitting next to me.
"Hun?" I hummed, still playing with my guitar.
"Are you sure about that?" I knew what he meant but I would never stop.
"Yes. I need it."
"But you love him." Jun protested.
"It's because I love him I wantto do it." I replied.
"But Kazu, you are suffering." Jun stroked my cheek, tears shining in his eyes.
"I'm used to." I smiled sadly, kissing his palm.
"Why do you always try to make you suffer?"
"To have a reason to live again." I whispered.
"If Satoshi was your reason to live why did you surrender? Why didn't you fight for him?!"
"You want to know why? Because I love him and I know he loves Sho. If I had won him, I would have hated myself for stealing him away from Sho. Sato is in love with him and despite my wishes to have his heart, I want him to be happy." I sighed, stroking my guitar under my hand.
"He loves you." Jun snapped.
"No, Jun. Satoshi loves my weaknesses. He loves to know that I need him and he needs me."
"What happened between you two nine years ago?"
"He..." I looked away. Did have I the right to tell him?
"Tell me Kazu." Jun whispered, stroking my cheek.
"You remember we met at Aiba's party?"
"Yes."
"I fell in love with him at first sight. When he smiled to me, I knew he had captured my heart..."
Nine years ago...
I took the bottle of beer on the counter, feeling very bored because J was talking with this Aiba for two hours now. Ano, talking or maybe fucking him if I thought about the fact they were talking in a bedroom.In Aiba's bedroom. Why did I listen to J and came here? I sighed, and looked for a place to be alone and sulk in peace when I suddenly bumped into someone and the guy's beer exploded on my shirt.
"Shit, can't you look in front of you, idiot?!" I yelled.
"I'm so sorry." The man apologized and when I raised my eyes, I blinked. My heart almost stopped when I saw the man in front of me. He was so damn fucking hot! Cute chubby cheeks, deep brown eyes, long brown hair and a smile... I would kill someone to see this smile again. A shy smile, a bit innocent and kind. His pouty pink lips were so...so cute. He looked like a teddy bear. A short teddy bear you wanted to hug tightly in your arms.
"Ohno Satoshi." The cutie smiled, killing my heart again.
"NinomiyaKazunari, nice to meet you." I gulped, trying not to stare at him too much.
"Want some help to clean your shirt, I know where is Masa's bathroom."Ohno smiled.
"You know Aiba?"
"Yes, he is a childhood friend. Come on."Ohno led me to the bathroom and I also saw he had a beautiful butt. Small and....Arrrggg I had to stop my thoughts before I would jump on him and rape him! He was so fucking hot and my cock twitched at how wonderful it would feel if I was inside of him.
"Give me your shirt." I took my shirt off, making him blush cutely when he saw my naked chest. I was proud to have these abs because of my new training. When he cleaned my shirt, I saw how beautiful and long his fingers were. Oh my fucking god! He should be amazing in handjob and with this mouth...in blowjob... Shit! I had to stop before getting super hard.
"It's okay, now, I..."Ohno stopped when he looked at me and blushed deeply.
"A problem?" I asked.
"No... I..."Ohno looked away and with a frown, I lowered my eyes and froze. Oh fucking shit! I had a big (and visible) bulge in my slim.
"I'm sorry, I..." I put my hands on my cock to hide it but Ohno smiled soflty and pecked my lips quickly, blushing even more. Without waiting anymore, I grabbed his nape and smacked our lips together, pressing him against me and feeling how hard he was too. "You too." I smirked.
"So..sorry."Ohno blushed.
"Don't be sorry, you're too hot to be sorry." I whispered huskily before starting to strip him.
"We can't here..."Ohno protested.
"I don't fucking care, Ohchan. I want you now and I'll have you now!" I replied, my mouth traveling on his neck, enjoying his moans. Ohno smiled and, pushing my hand away, kneeled down. His fingers stroked the inside of my thighs, brushing every sensitive spots and his tongue licked my skin, making me shiver. Ohno kissed my tip, his hand playing with my spots without touching the most important.
"Ohchan!" I groaned.
"Impatient?"Ohno chuckled.
"Suck me already!"I growled.Ohno grinned before swallowing my length.
Oh my fucking god! I was right, his whore's mouth was just AMAZING! It will be hard not to come inside him now.
"Fuck... Ohchan... You feel you good.." I moaned, thrusting my cock inside of his mouth. I could feel him relaxing to allow my member far away in his warm throat. "Ohchan... I'm coming..." I gasped when he started to play with my balls.
"Come, then."Ohno looked at me with these amazing eyes and I filled his mouth in a loud moan, my head arching back against the wall. Ohno swallowed everything before coming back to my mouth and I still could feel my own taste on his pink lips. We kissed each other roughly, my tongue dominating him but he never complained and moaned when I grabbed his butt, brushing our cocks and getting hard again.
"Nino... Take me..."Ohno whined. I could feel the precum rolling on the tip of his cock and after sucking my fingers, slipped one of them inside his hole, making him gasp in pain.
"Sorry..." I whispered between our lips. I fucked him roughly, brushing his prostate and when I felt him tightening around my fingers, pushed him against the wall and took him slowly.
"Nino...."Ohno moaned and I kissed his nape in apology. “I'm ready..." Satoshi gasped.
"Fuck, you're so tight, you feel so good." I whined against his nape, thrusting roughly.
"Ahhhh. Faster..."Ohno implored. Lifting one of his legs, I fucked him harder and faster, our moans resounding in the whole bathroom.
"I'm coming." I gasped, closing my eyes because of the pleasure overwhelming me.
"Come inside of me!"Ohno whined, making me moan loudly before coming hard in his tight hole at the same time of him who released in my hand. I kept moving slowly, kissing his shoulder blade to his neck.
"You were amazing." I whispered when Ohnoturned around to look at me with his sleepy eyes. He wrapped his arms around my neck and kissed me, pressing our naked bodies together.
"You too."Ohno whispered.
I left him in front of his aparment because I had an apointment with my agency in two hours. I didn't see him for three months because of my live tour in Asia. I missed him so damn much. I already knew I was in love with him. I had to confess. I wanted him. I wanted to date him seriously but something broke everything.
When I came back in Tokyo, I tried to see him again and after seven days, found him in a very bad state in the front of my apartment.
"Ohchan! What happened?!" I screamed when I saw his bleeding face.
"I..."Ohno started but fainted in my arms.
"Satoshi!!!" I lifted him in my arms and brought him to my apartment. He stayed unconscious for three days but I took care of him. When I thought about it, I didn't know anything about Ohno. Why was he in this state?! Why did someone harm him?!
"Nino.."Ohno moaned, opening his eyes.
"Hey, you should sleep, you're still weak, teddy." I whispered, stroking his forehead.
"Thank you..."Ohno smiled weakly before falling asleep again.
Ten days. It took him ten days to fully recover. I was taking care of him and falling for him even more every day.
"Ohchan, what happened?" I asked when we were on my sofa, Ohno in my arms.
"I... I can't tell you."Ohno froze.
"Please."
"You'll reject me if I tell you."Ohno whispered, shivering.
"Never, you're mine." I replied, tightening my arms around him.
"I had an argument with a guy in a club."
"You?" I raised my eyebrows in disbelief. How someone as soft and calm as Ohchan was could fight with a man.
"I... I owe him money..." Ohno whispered.
"Why did he lend you money?"
"I..." Ohno lowered his eyes.
"Satoshi, I want to help you but I can't if you don't tell me your problem."
"I have some problems with my family and since I'm leaving alone, I'm trying to work and pay the rent of my apartment but it's hard when you don't have any diploms. But some months ago, I met a friend in a club that could help me to win lots of money."
"How..."
"He said I was very gorgeous and could win lots of money easily. He brought me to Ginza and made me work as a callboy."Ohno lowered his eyes, tears rolling down his cheeks.
"And you agreed?"
"I hadn't the choice. I had nothing. No money, no work, no home. I started to work for this man. But even if I won lots of money, he was stealing me almost everything. I couldn't escape to him, he was controling me. But I met you at Masaki's party. You were so beautiful and so kind... I decided I couldn't stay in this hell anymore. So, I tried to explain to Naruse I didn't want to continue. And you found me."Ohno whispered.
"You mean it's him who did that to you?!" I froze.
"Yes."Ohno nodded.
"I'll kill him." I snapped.
"No, Nino, don't do anything, after all, I knew I couldn't stop. I have nothing without this work. I am nothing if I stop."Ohno implored.
"I'll help you. You'll stay here and will leave when you'll find another job." I smiled, pecking his lips.
"But Naruse."
"I know how to deal with this kind of bastard." I chuckled.
"Thank you, Kazu."Ohno hugged me tightly and started to cry, freeing his pain and his shame.
Ohno found a new job but despite my efforts, Naruse found him again and this time, I didn't find Ohno in the street but almost dead in my apartment. This bastard had beat him and raped him before leaving him on the ground, blood covering his whole body. It took him six months to recover fully but it broke something between us. Or maybe something inside me. I was so scared to lose him this day that I couldn't touch him anymore. Ohno never tried but I saw his hope. I knew he wanted to sleep with me but I couldn't harm him after what happened to him. It made me remember Matsuyama and my trauma too much. He stayed in my apartment for two years and I couldn't hide him my night terrors. So, we worked together. Him for forgetting his past and I for overcoming my devils. After two years, Satoshi found an apartment and left me but was sleeping several times per weeks with me to protect me from myself.
I looked at Jun with ashamed eyes but he only smiled sadly and hugged me tightly.
"I know now why you two are sharing this deep bond." Jun whispered.
"Jun, you don't know half of the past we are sharing."
"What do you mean?" Jun frowned.
"This thing... We got closer but it's not only because of that... I... You have to understand that despite your opinion about Satoshi being selfish, we share something even deeper than this problem with Naruse."
"You know what happened with his family, ne?"
"Yes. It's the reason why Toshi had to sell his body. I... Of course Naruse's abusing on him broke my wish to love him but... You know, the thing that made me give up on him was..." I stopped, closing my eyes when I remembered this day.
"What happened?"
"I totally gave up on him when I almost lost him nine years ago."
"What do you mean?"
"Satoshi made a suicide attempt while I was in Korea for a concert. He stayed 9 months at hospital and almost ended up paralyzed."
"Eh?!!!"
"Do you understand, now? I just want him to be happy, he has suffered enough, he deserves to live peacefully. That's why I chose to hide my feelings for him. Because I didn't want him to bear my traumas when he has to handle his own past." I sobbed.
"But he would be happy with you."
"No. He needs Sho. Being with him would be selfish because I'm living through my devils. He needs someone able to protect him, someone who won't try to kill him when he is alseep, someone strong." I smiled and stood up to join my bedroom.
"Kazu?" Jun called.
"What?"
"The man...what did he become?" I froze, tightening my hand around the handle door.
"I... I found him in a bar and after seducing him, I killed him." I whispered.
"Does Satoshi know?"
"No. I never told him." I answered before entering my bedroom. I collapsed on my bed, tears rolling down my cheeks. I looked at my hands. No. Satoshi couldn't be with someone as horrible as me. My hands were too dirty for him. I couldn't explain what I really felt. But when you were deeply in love with someone, you wanted this person to be happy, even if it meant you had to let her go, even if it killed you to see her with your friend. Some people would say I was stupid but for me, it was the biggest proof of my love for Satoshi.
I woke up two hours later, I hadn't really sleep but mostly cried. I never felt so weak in my life, so fragile and I hated that. I hated to lose the control of my feelings and mostly in front of people. With what happened in my life, I had to be strong and to show a cold appearance to the world, even if deep inside, I needed to love and be loved. Even if deep inside, I was so sensitive and had less self-confidence.
"Satoshi came at your old apartment yesterday." Jun told me when I took my coffee.
"So..." I mumbled, looking at the dark liquid as if it was the most interesting thing of the world.
"I also told him I would kill him if he tried to see you again when Sho woke up." Jun whispered.
"What?!" I shouted, turning toward him.
"I... I regret what I said but I was so afraid to lose you... I didn't think, I'm sorry."
"How could you say that to your own best friend?!!" I yelled.
"I'm sorry, Kazu. Anger overwhelmed my mind and I reacted..."
"I hope you didn't hithim!" I whispered in a scaring voice.
"No... Of course, no. I... I just overreacted and I regret it. I know I scared Satoshi... I... I'm sorry." Jun lowered his eyes, ashamed.
"Did you apology?"
"Yes." Jun whispered before walking on the balcony to smoke. I sighed. I knew he was ashamed and joined him. But when I saw the tears on his cheeks, I hugged him from behind.
"I'm so sorry, Kazu..."Jun sobbed.
"I know. I'm sorry for yelling at you. But J, you should try to control your anger because one day it will be Aiba and it won't be only words."
"I know. But I would never hurt Ma-chan. It's just... When I am scared, there is this trauma coming back... I can see Matsuyama beating you and it...." Jun stopped, his voice dying in his throat.
"J, what happened this day?"
"Nothing." Jun denied.
"J. We went through lots of horrible things and we have a big trauma but to move on, I need to know what exactly happened when Matsuyama kidnapped us. I know it's painful, I know you want to forget but you have to tell me the truth to move on yourself. Stop hating yourself for what happened this day." I said softly, stroking his cheek with the palm of my hand.
Jun sighed and, taking a beer in his fridge, sat on the sofa.
"I don't know if I can... I don't want to remember, it haunts me every nightfor ten years now." Jun took his head in his hands.
"I know, J. But we have to move on and if you want to stay with Aiba-chan, you must tell him the truth too." I patted his shoulder, pecking his hair.
"What do you mean?" Jun froze.
"J, what happened this day is horrible. You are trying to live with a deep trauma and can't live peacefully with your boyfriend because of your fears."
"What? Does Masaki told you something?!" Jun whispered.
"Sort of." I mumbled.
"What did he tell you?"
"He... He told me you have some weird reactions with him. He told me he can't hug you from behind because you're scared and once, you almost hit him when he did it. He said you never allowed him to touch your body when you were about to make love. And sometimes, you have this scaring flame in your eyes. Masaki is lost, J. He doesn't understand why his own boyfriend doesn't let him touch or stroke his body. And you have some weird scars..." I told him the truth. He always was here for me and always told me to move on but two days ago, Masaki opened my eyes and it killed me to discover he was hiding a deep suffering in his heart. Now, he had to face his past with me to forget and live peacefully.
"I... I didn't know I was hurting him so much..." Jun wiped his tears, but it was useless, he needed to cry to evacuate.
"That's why you have to tell us the truth." I hugged him tightly and he laid his head against my chest.
"I lied to you for what really happened this day when Matsuyama kidnapped us..." Jun started after a deep breath.
I knew what will follow will make me diveinto this hell again. I knew what I will hear will hurt me even more but I was ready to face the truth and mostly, to stop these night terrors forever...
To be continued...
A/N: So, here was a part of Kazu and Satoshi's past xD Jun's part will be in the next chapter and some revelations will come soon xD There are many secrets in this fic but I think it's what is interesting in a story, when secrets are haunting the characters and are reveled after xD I don't remember exactly what happen in the chapter 15 because I wrote this story a long time ago xD I just can say the last chapters are full of revelations and explanations about the chatacter's behaviors xD see you soon ;)
Author: MatsuAurore
Banner: Lilisan31 <3
Pairings: Yama, Ohmiya, Matsumiya (friendship)
Rating: NC-17
Genre: Au, romance, drama, angst
Disclaimer: If I owned them, I would keep the sex parts for me xD
Summary: What can you do when the person you love more than your own life is only looking at your best friend? What can you do when you know this person would never see you like you see her? And if your biggest wish came true but at the same time, getting close to her also meant pushing her farther from you...
Chapter 14:
But listen to your heart
Before you tell him goodbye...
Kazunari
Leaving Satoshi was the worst thing I did in my whole life but it was the best thing to do. I left my apartment and stayed at Jun's when he almost kidnapped me to be sure I was safe. During five months, I tried to forget. During five months of nightmares, I tried to move on. My psychologist was happy because I was slowly overcoming my trauma. I still made my night terrors but never told it to Jun. I hid it. The night I was tying me up to my bed and it worked. It was my secret. Another secret. Another thing I didn't tell to my family. To try to move on, I wrote. I wrote a new song, putting every part of myself and my heart inside the words. It was like a second therapy to forget my pain. I wrote my weaknesses, my feelings, my sadness to create something able to erase the darkness of my soul. In fact, I wrote my soul. I wanted a new album for a new life and a new start. Looking at my diary, I took some songs inside of this book for this new album. Songs talking about my heart, songs talking about my only one, about my Half.Satoshi. This album will be for him, to tell him what I felt during these past nine years of friendship. Maybe it will heal my heart if I screamed to the world how much I loved him.
"Kazu?" Jun asked, sitting next to me.
"Hun?" I hummed, still playing with my guitar.
"Are you sure about that?" I knew what he meant but I would never stop.
"Yes. I need it."
"But you love him." Jun protested.
"It's because I love him I wantto do it." I replied.
"But Kazu, you are suffering." Jun stroked my cheek, tears shining in his eyes.
"I'm used to." I smiled sadly, kissing his palm.
"Why do you always try to make you suffer?"
"To have a reason to live again." I whispered.
"If Satoshi was your reason to live why did you surrender? Why didn't you fight for him?!"
"You want to know why? Because I love him and I know he loves Sho. If I had won him, I would have hated myself for stealing him away from Sho. Sato is in love with him and despite my wishes to have his heart, I want him to be happy." I sighed, stroking my guitar under my hand.
"He loves you." Jun snapped.
"No, Jun. Satoshi loves my weaknesses. He loves to know that I need him and he needs me."
"What happened between you two nine years ago?"
"He..." I looked away. Did have I the right to tell him?
"Tell me Kazu." Jun whispered, stroking my cheek.
"You remember we met at Aiba's party?"
"Yes."
"I fell in love with him at first sight. When he smiled to me, I knew he had captured my heart..."
Nine years ago...
I took the bottle of beer on the counter, feeling very bored because J was talking with this Aiba for two hours now. Ano, talking or maybe fucking him if I thought about the fact they were talking in a bedroom.In Aiba's bedroom. Why did I listen to J and came here? I sighed, and looked for a place to be alone and sulk in peace when I suddenly bumped into someone and the guy's beer exploded on my shirt.
"Shit, can't you look in front of you, idiot?!" I yelled.
"I'm so sorry." The man apologized and when I raised my eyes, I blinked. My heart almost stopped when I saw the man in front of me. He was so damn fucking hot! Cute chubby cheeks, deep brown eyes, long brown hair and a smile... I would kill someone to see this smile again. A shy smile, a bit innocent and kind. His pouty pink lips were so...so cute. He looked like a teddy bear. A short teddy bear you wanted to hug tightly in your arms.
"Ohno Satoshi." The cutie smiled, killing my heart again.
"NinomiyaKazunari, nice to meet you." I gulped, trying not to stare at him too much.
"Want some help to clean your shirt, I know where is Masa's bathroom."Ohno smiled.
"You know Aiba?"
"Yes, he is a childhood friend. Come on."Ohno led me to the bathroom and I also saw he had a beautiful butt. Small and....Arrrggg I had to stop my thoughts before I would jump on him and rape him! He was so fucking hot and my cock twitched at how wonderful it would feel if I was inside of him.
"Give me your shirt." I took my shirt off, making him blush cutely when he saw my naked chest. I was proud to have these abs because of my new training. When he cleaned my shirt, I saw how beautiful and long his fingers were. Oh my fucking god! He should be amazing in handjob and with this mouth...in blowjob... Shit! I had to stop before getting super hard.
"It's okay, now, I..."Ohno stopped when he looked at me and blushed deeply.
"A problem?" I asked.
"No... I..."Ohno looked away and with a frown, I lowered my eyes and froze. Oh fucking shit! I had a big (and visible) bulge in my slim.
"I'm sorry, I..." I put my hands on my cock to hide it but Ohno smiled soflty and pecked my lips quickly, blushing even more. Without waiting anymore, I grabbed his nape and smacked our lips together, pressing him against me and feeling how hard he was too. "You too." I smirked.
"So..sorry."Ohno blushed.
"Don't be sorry, you're too hot to be sorry." I whispered huskily before starting to strip him.
"We can't here..."Ohno protested.
"I don't fucking care, Ohchan. I want you now and I'll have you now!" I replied, my mouth traveling on his neck, enjoying his moans. Ohno smiled and, pushing my hand away, kneeled down. His fingers stroked the inside of my thighs, brushing every sensitive spots and his tongue licked my skin, making me shiver. Ohno kissed my tip, his hand playing with my spots without touching the most important.
"Ohchan!" I groaned.
"Impatient?"Ohno chuckled.
"Suck me already!"I growled.Ohno grinned before swallowing my length.
Oh my fucking god! I was right, his whore's mouth was just AMAZING! It will be hard not to come inside him now.
"Fuck... Ohchan... You feel you good.." I moaned, thrusting my cock inside of his mouth. I could feel him relaxing to allow my member far away in his warm throat. "Ohchan... I'm coming..." I gasped when he started to play with my balls.
"Come, then."Ohno looked at me with these amazing eyes and I filled his mouth in a loud moan, my head arching back against the wall. Ohno swallowed everything before coming back to my mouth and I still could feel my own taste on his pink lips. We kissed each other roughly, my tongue dominating him but he never complained and moaned when I grabbed his butt, brushing our cocks and getting hard again.
"Nino... Take me..."Ohno whined. I could feel the precum rolling on the tip of his cock and after sucking my fingers, slipped one of them inside his hole, making him gasp in pain.
"Sorry..." I whispered between our lips. I fucked him roughly, brushing his prostate and when I felt him tightening around my fingers, pushed him against the wall and took him slowly.
"Nino...."Ohno moaned and I kissed his nape in apology. “I'm ready..." Satoshi gasped.
"Fuck, you're so tight, you feel so good." I whined against his nape, thrusting roughly.
"Ahhhh. Faster..."Ohno implored. Lifting one of his legs, I fucked him harder and faster, our moans resounding in the whole bathroom.
"I'm coming." I gasped, closing my eyes because of the pleasure overwhelming me.
"Come inside of me!"Ohno whined, making me moan loudly before coming hard in his tight hole at the same time of him who released in my hand. I kept moving slowly, kissing his shoulder blade to his neck.
"You were amazing." I whispered when Ohnoturned around to look at me with his sleepy eyes. He wrapped his arms around my neck and kissed me, pressing our naked bodies together.
"You too."Ohno whispered.
I left him in front of his aparment because I had an apointment with my agency in two hours. I didn't see him for three months because of my live tour in Asia. I missed him so damn much. I already knew I was in love with him. I had to confess. I wanted him. I wanted to date him seriously but something broke everything.
When I came back in Tokyo, I tried to see him again and after seven days, found him in a very bad state in the front of my apartment.
"Ohchan! What happened?!" I screamed when I saw his bleeding face.
"I..."Ohno started but fainted in my arms.
"Satoshi!!!" I lifted him in my arms and brought him to my apartment. He stayed unconscious for three days but I took care of him. When I thought about it, I didn't know anything about Ohno. Why was he in this state?! Why did someone harm him?!
"Nino.."Ohno moaned, opening his eyes.
"Hey, you should sleep, you're still weak, teddy." I whispered, stroking his forehead.
"Thank you..."Ohno smiled weakly before falling asleep again.
Ten days. It took him ten days to fully recover. I was taking care of him and falling for him even more every day.
"Ohchan, what happened?" I asked when we were on my sofa, Ohno in my arms.
"I... I can't tell you."Ohno froze.
"Please."
"You'll reject me if I tell you."Ohno whispered, shivering.
"Never, you're mine." I replied, tightening my arms around him.
"I had an argument with a guy in a club."
"You?" I raised my eyebrows in disbelief. How someone as soft and calm as Ohchan was could fight with a man.
"I... I owe him money..." Ohno whispered.
"Why did he lend you money?"
"I..." Ohno lowered his eyes.
"Satoshi, I want to help you but I can't if you don't tell me your problem."
"I have some problems with my family and since I'm leaving alone, I'm trying to work and pay the rent of my apartment but it's hard when you don't have any diploms. But some months ago, I met a friend in a club that could help me to win lots of money."
"How..."
"He said I was very gorgeous and could win lots of money easily. He brought me to Ginza and made me work as a callboy."Ohno lowered his eyes, tears rolling down his cheeks.
"And you agreed?"
"I hadn't the choice. I had nothing. No money, no work, no home. I started to work for this man. But even if I won lots of money, he was stealing me almost everything. I couldn't escape to him, he was controling me. But I met you at Masaki's party. You were so beautiful and so kind... I decided I couldn't stay in this hell anymore. So, I tried to explain to Naruse I didn't want to continue. And you found me."Ohno whispered.
"You mean it's him who did that to you?!" I froze.
"Yes."Ohno nodded.
"I'll kill him." I snapped.
"No, Nino, don't do anything, after all, I knew I couldn't stop. I have nothing without this work. I am nothing if I stop."Ohno implored.
"I'll help you. You'll stay here and will leave when you'll find another job." I smiled, pecking his lips.
"But Naruse."
"I know how to deal with this kind of bastard." I chuckled.
"Thank you, Kazu."Ohno hugged me tightly and started to cry, freeing his pain and his shame.
Ohno found a new job but despite my efforts, Naruse found him again and this time, I didn't find Ohno in the street but almost dead in my apartment. This bastard had beat him and raped him before leaving him on the ground, blood covering his whole body. It took him six months to recover fully but it broke something between us. Or maybe something inside me. I was so scared to lose him this day that I couldn't touch him anymore. Ohno never tried but I saw his hope. I knew he wanted to sleep with me but I couldn't harm him after what happened to him. It made me remember Matsuyama and my trauma too much. He stayed in my apartment for two years and I couldn't hide him my night terrors. So, we worked together. Him for forgetting his past and I for overcoming my devils. After two years, Satoshi found an apartment and left me but was sleeping several times per weeks with me to protect me from myself.
I looked at Jun with ashamed eyes but he only smiled sadly and hugged me tightly.
"I know now why you two are sharing this deep bond." Jun whispered.
"Jun, you don't know half of the past we are sharing."
"What do you mean?" Jun frowned.
"This thing... We got closer but it's not only because of that... I... You have to understand that despite your opinion about Satoshi being selfish, we share something even deeper than this problem with Naruse."
"You know what happened with his family, ne?"
"Yes. It's the reason why Toshi had to sell his body. I... Of course Naruse's abusing on him broke my wish to love him but... You know, the thing that made me give up on him was..." I stopped, closing my eyes when I remembered this day.
"What happened?"
"I totally gave up on him when I almost lost him nine years ago."
"What do you mean?"
"Satoshi made a suicide attempt while I was in Korea for a concert. He stayed 9 months at hospital and almost ended up paralyzed."
"Eh?!!!"
"Do you understand, now? I just want him to be happy, he has suffered enough, he deserves to live peacefully. That's why I chose to hide my feelings for him. Because I didn't want him to bear my traumas when he has to handle his own past." I sobbed.
"But he would be happy with you."
"No. He needs Sho. Being with him would be selfish because I'm living through my devils. He needs someone able to protect him, someone who won't try to kill him when he is alseep, someone strong." I smiled and stood up to join my bedroom.
"Kazu?" Jun called.
"What?"
"The man...what did he become?" I froze, tightening my hand around the handle door.
"I... I found him in a bar and after seducing him, I killed him." I whispered.
"Does Satoshi know?"
"No. I never told him." I answered before entering my bedroom. I collapsed on my bed, tears rolling down my cheeks. I looked at my hands. No. Satoshi couldn't be with someone as horrible as me. My hands were too dirty for him. I couldn't explain what I really felt. But when you were deeply in love with someone, you wanted this person to be happy, even if it meant you had to let her go, even if it killed you to see her with your friend. Some people would say I was stupid but for me, it was the biggest proof of my love for Satoshi.
I woke up two hours later, I hadn't really sleep but mostly cried. I never felt so weak in my life, so fragile and I hated that. I hated to lose the control of my feelings and mostly in front of people. With what happened in my life, I had to be strong and to show a cold appearance to the world, even if deep inside, I needed to love and be loved. Even if deep inside, I was so sensitive and had less self-confidence.
"Satoshi came at your old apartment yesterday." Jun told me when I took my coffee.
"So..." I mumbled, looking at the dark liquid as if it was the most interesting thing of the world.
"I also told him I would kill him if he tried to see you again when Sho woke up." Jun whispered.
"What?!" I shouted, turning toward him.
"I... I regret what I said but I was so afraid to lose you... I didn't think, I'm sorry."
"How could you say that to your own best friend?!!" I yelled.
"I'm sorry, Kazu. Anger overwhelmed my mind and I reacted..."
"I hope you didn't hithim!" I whispered in a scaring voice.
"No... Of course, no. I... I just overreacted and I regret it. I know I scared Satoshi... I... I'm sorry." Jun lowered his eyes, ashamed.
"Did you apology?"
"Yes." Jun whispered before walking on the balcony to smoke. I sighed. I knew he was ashamed and joined him. But when I saw the tears on his cheeks, I hugged him from behind.
"I'm so sorry, Kazu..."Jun sobbed.
"I know. I'm sorry for yelling at you. But J, you should try to control your anger because one day it will be Aiba and it won't be only words."
"I know. But I would never hurt Ma-chan. It's just... When I am scared, there is this trauma coming back... I can see Matsuyama beating you and it...." Jun stopped, his voice dying in his throat.
"J, what happened this day?"
"Nothing." Jun denied.
"J. We went through lots of horrible things and we have a big trauma but to move on, I need to know what exactly happened when Matsuyama kidnapped us. I know it's painful, I know you want to forget but you have to tell me the truth to move on yourself. Stop hating yourself for what happened this day." I said softly, stroking his cheek with the palm of my hand.
Jun sighed and, taking a beer in his fridge, sat on the sofa.
"I don't know if I can... I don't want to remember, it haunts me every nightfor ten years now." Jun took his head in his hands.
"I know, J. But we have to move on and if you want to stay with Aiba-chan, you must tell him the truth too." I patted his shoulder, pecking his hair.
"What do you mean?" Jun froze.
"J, what happened this day is horrible. You are trying to live with a deep trauma and can't live peacefully with your boyfriend because of your fears."
"What? Does Masaki told you something?!" Jun whispered.
"Sort of." I mumbled.
"What did he tell you?"
"He... He told me you have some weird reactions with him. He told me he can't hug you from behind because you're scared and once, you almost hit him when he did it. He said you never allowed him to touch your body when you were about to make love. And sometimes, you have this scaring flame in your eyes. Masaki is lost, J. He doesn't understand why his own boyfriend doesn't let him touch or stroke his body. And you have some weird scars..." I told him the truth. He always was here for me and always told me to move on but two days ago, Masaki opened my eyes and it killed me to discover he was hiding a deep suffering in his heart. Now, he had to face his past with me to forget and live peacefully.
"I... I didn't know I was hurting him so much..." Jun wiped his tears, but it was useless, he needed to cry to evacuate.
"That's why you have to tell us the truth." I hugged him tightly and he laid his head against my chest.
"I lied to you for what really happened this day when Matsuyama kidnapped us..." Jun started after a deep breath.
I knew what will follow will make me diveinto this hell again. I knew what I will hear will hurt me even more but I was ready to face the truth and mostly, to stop these night terrors forever...
To be continued...
A/N: So, here was a part of Kazu and Satoshi's past xD Jun's part will be in the next chapter and some revelations will come soon xD There are many secrets in this fic but I think it's what is interesting in a story, when secrets are haunting the characters and are reveled after xD I don't remember exactly what happen in the chapter 15 because I wrote this story a long time ago xD I just can say the last chapters are full of revelations and explanations about the chatacter's behaviors xD see you soon ;)