All these things we don't tell each other (15/18)
Title: All these things we don't tell each other
Author: MatsuAurore
Banner: Lilisan31 <3
Pairings: Yama, Ohmiya
Rating: R for violence
Genre: Au, romance, drama, angst
Disclaimer: If I owned them, I would keep the sex parts for me xD
Summary: What can you do when the person you love more than your own life is only looking at your best friend? What can you do when you know this person would never see you like you see her? And if your biggest wish came true but at the same time, getting close to her also meant pushing her farther from you...
Chapter 15:
Me & you
This love is so taboo, our secret
Message in the cell phone
Following those dear words
Call from you
Your voice whispers, "I'm missin' you"
I can't stop this feeling
Right now, I'm going to you
This moment
Your eyes
We're connected, aren't we?
Face to face
Nothing to say, but I know
I feel alright now
Forever
I wish to be with you
Next to me
Jun sighed happily before falling asleep, Nino in his arms, their naked bodies pressed together. They were sleeping peacefully when a shadow entered the bedroom. When Jun opened his eyes, something was pushed against his mouth and the young man fell asleep again.
Matsu opened his eyes painfully. Kazu wasn't in his arms anymore. The young man was in a white room and was wearing white weird clothes looking like pajamas. There was just a big glass on one of the walls and Jun approached it, afraid. The glass was a window and he could see another white room with someone on the ground.
"Kazu!!!" Jun screamed when he recognized his boyfriend. A man entered the room and kneeled next to Nino before lifting him up in his arms.
"Kazunari!!!" Jun hit the window and the man turned around with a smirk before putting his finger on his mouth as if he was telling Jun to shut his mouth.
"What are you doing to Kazu, bastard!!! Where are you taking him?!" Jun yelled, still hitting the window. But the man didn't answer and left the room.
Jun fell on his knees, lost. He didn't know what to do, he didn't know how to save his boyfriend from this man. The young man fell asleep, exhausted.
A noise made him jump and Matsu opened his eyes quickly but he wasn't in the same room. He was on a bed, tied up.
"Ah, you're awake." A voice said, satisfied.
"Who are you and where am I?" Jun panicked, trying to move.
"Humm. We'll play a game and if you give me the good answer, maybe I'll tell you." The man smirked.
"Matsuyama..." Jun whispered when he saw the man.
"Yes. It's me." The man chuckled and walked toward a table. Jun gulped when he saw the big knife in Matsuyama's hand.
"What do you want? Why are you doing that?" Jun froze.
"Hum. Because you're just a little shit! You're stealing the most precious thing I have and you have to pay for that!" Matsuyama punched Jun's face, a smile still on his face.
"I don't know what you mean?!"
"You, bastard! How did you dare touching my precious Kazunari!!!" The man hit Jun again who gasped in pain.
"You're crazy, Kazu doesn't belong to you." Jun shouted. Matsuyama froze and pushed on the knife on Jun's arm who screamed in pain.
"Don't you dare saying this kind of thing again, little shit."
Tears filled Jun's eyes because of the pain.
"Let's start the game!" Matsuyama exclaimed happily.
The man untied Jun's wrists and threw him on the ground before leaving the room.
After a moment, a man came. His face was hidden by a black mask and he had a knife in his hand.
"Try to stay alive, Jun!" A voice burst out laughing.
Jun stood up and tried to find a way to escape to the man who was walking dangerously toward him. Matsu finally found a small passage and left the room, running like he never did. Soon, Jun arrived in a new room and froze. On the walls, there were lots of pictures of Kazu and him but there were big crosses on his own face with words of hatred under. The sound of steps made Jun come back to reality and he hid himself under a desk.
The man appeared in the room, looking for his victim who thought it was the end of his life. Taking a deep breath, Jun stood up and tried to run away but fell on the ground. With a laugh, the man approached him but Jun kicked him with his legs and made him fall loudly on the ground, the knife flying in the corner of the room. Without thinking anymore, Jun ran toward the wound but when he tried to grab it, the killer hit him in the stomach, making him scream in pain.
"It's useless to fight, kid." The man laughed insanely before hitting Jun violently. The young boy gasped, air leaving his lungs. "Too bad to kill someone as pretty as you are." The man smirked, grabbing Jun's hair roughly. "But don't worry, it will be quick." Jun screamed and hit the man who gasped. Matsu crawled toward the knife but the man hit him in the back, the young boy screaming in pain loudly.
"Come here little mouse." The man laughed, grabbing Jun's arm who reacted in one second. They stared at each other for a moment before the man collapsed on the ground, the knife in his chest. Jun looked at the blood on his hands before fainting.
When he opened his eyes, he was behind a glass and saw Nino tying up on a bed.
Kazunari
"When I woke up, I was at hospital with you next to me. I don't need to tell you what happened after I saw you on this bed." Jun whispered.
"J... Why didn't you tell me earlier what happened to you?" I asked, putting my hand on his.
"Because I didn't want to make suffer more. I knew you would blame yourself for beating me and I didn't want to add that to your pain. Kazunari, what happened this day wasn't your fault, I would have done the same to protect you. You saved us when you hit Matsuyama and carried me on your back and one life would never be enough to tell you how grateful I am to you." Jun smiled.
"Thank you, J. Thank you for always being here, for supporting me and loving me despite my nasty attitude." I whispered. Jun hugged me tightly during lots of minutes. No need to talk. Silence was speaking for us.
"J, I think you should talk with Masaki, he is suffering." I said after a moment.
"You're right."
"And this is why you are afraid of being touched?" I asked.
"Yes. One day, while I was cooking, Masaki appeared silently and hugged me from behind. I reacted automatically and hit his face. I hate myself for that but when I felt his arms around me, I thought it was Matsuyama or this man. I can touch him and Masa too but he can't touch me from behind and when he tries to lead, I become violent because I'm scared." Jun cried.
"J, you should see a professional to overcome your trauma..." I patted his shoulder kindly.
"I know." Jun sighed.
"Jun?" We jumped and turned our heads to see Aiba in the middle of the living room, tears rolling down his cheeks.
"Masaki..."
"Why? Why did you never tell me the truth?" Aiba stammered.
"I... I'm so sorry, babe." Jun stoop up and after some hesitation, hugged his boyfriend tightly in his arms. They walked in their bedroom to talk alone and I laid on the carpet, sighing. I felt lighter now I knew the truth and maybe it really wasn't my fault after all. Maybe I did the right things to do this day.
You can't erase your past but just accept it and try to move on to build new happy memories...
I understood I was trying to escape my trauma but even if I ran quickly, I couldn't erase the reality. I went through horrible things but the only way to live in peace was the confrontation. I had to face my past.
This night, I didn't make any night terror. It was as if the truth and acceptance of what happened had unlocked my mind and for the first time in ten years, I slept peacefully.
"How do you feel?" Jun asked me the next morning when I took my coffee.
"I didn't make any nightmare." I smiled.
"Really?! I'm so happy!!" Jun usually in a bad mood the morning, hugged me tightly, a wide smile on his face.
"It was weird.... I mean, I'm not used to sleep dreamless." I sighed.
"You don't look very happy." Jun frowned, releasing me.
"I am but..."
"You think about Satoshi." Jun cut me off. I didn't respond, it was useless to try to lie to him because he knew me by heart.
"And with Aiba?"
"We talked a lot. I told him everything, what happened to us, to me, what I feel, my fears and he hugged me. We cried a lot but he said he'll help me to overcome my trauma." Jun whispered.
"It's good. I think both of us needed to talk about what happened." I smiled sadly.
"Kazu?"
"Hun?"
"Why did you never tell Satoshi your true feelings?" I froze. I wasn't expecting this kind of question.
"I don't have any feelings for him." I said stubbornly.
"No need to waste your time by lying to me." Jun groaned.
"He doesn't need to know. It's too late. He is in love with Sho and I'm not in the right to spoil their couple. And plus, Ohno doesn't love me." I snapped.
"Kazu..."
"I don't want to talk about him, Jun." I said coldly before leaving the kitchen.
"So stubborn." Jun sighed.
"He isn't your brother for nothing." A voice made him jump.
"I guess..." Jun whispered when Aiba sat on his lap to kiss him. "I love you, baby."
"Jun, remember I love every part of you, even the dark ones. You belong to me and I belong to you. Don't ever hide me things that could destroy you again." Aiba whispered, stroking Jun's cheek softly. They stared at each other for a while, love, comprehension, happiness and trust shining in their eyes.
"Never. You're mine and I'll protect you." Jun smiled before kissing his lover softly yet, with all the love he was feeling for him.
I looked at my notebook thoughtfully. I thought my album was ready now. When I'll release it, I'll move in another town, maybe Chiba to see Aiba's parents again. I mostly needed to leave Tokyo for a new start without Satoshi...
Satoshi
When Sho left the hospital and Kazu stopped any contact with me, I decided to take a new start with my boyfriend after these long four years without him. Sho couldn't start his job again because Yamapi wanted him to take some rest. It was hard for my Sho who hated to stay at home, after all, he was a workaholic. During five days, he kidnapped me and made love to me every day for lots of hours. I never complained, of course.
"Satoshi?" Sho asked after a torrid love making while I was dozing on his naked chest.
"Hun?"
"What do you want to do tomorrow?"
"What you want." I mumbled sleepily.
"I would like to go to the beach."
"NO!!!" I screamed, standing up quickly.
"What? Are you all right, babe?"
"Yes. Sorry. It's just... I don't really like the sea." I looked away, avoiding his eyes.
"Since when? You always told me you loved the ocean." Sho frowned. "We could stay on the sand, I..."
"NO!! I don't want to go there!!" I snapped before leaving our bedroom and locking myself up.
"Babe, what's happening, I don't understand." Sho knocked on the door but I didn't respond, burying my face in my knees, trying to chase these horrible pictures.
"Satoshi, please, open the door." Sho repeated.
I was shaking in fear, guilt coming back again. I knew it was impossible to forget. Whatever you try, your past will always come back one day. After two hours, I left the bathroom and saw Sho asleep in our bed. I slipped under the sheets and buried my face in his neck. His arms wrapped my waist immediately.
"What happened, babe?"
"Sorry, I don't feel well. I want to see Jun." I whispered.
"But..."
"I'll come back quickly." I smiled, pecking his nose and leaving the apartment.
"Satoshi? What's wrong?" Jun exclaimed when he saw me in front of his door.
"Ju..n... I... Kazu doesn't want to see me and I needed to... It's Sho..." I stammered.
"What did he do to you?!" I jumped when I saw Kazu next to Jun with an angry face.
"He wanted us to go to the sea..." I sobbed.
"What?!" Nino hugged me immediately and made me sit down on the sofa with him.
"Explain, dear." Nino stroked my wet face.
"I told him I didn't want to go, even on the sand but he insisted and... I overreacted..." I cried.
"Shttt, now, calm down, I'm here." Nino whispered, rocking me in his arms.
"Kazu?" Jun looked at him with lost eyes.
"Call Sho and tell him Satoshi will stay here tonight." Nino said.
"Eh? What? But..."
"Call for the fucking sake!!" Nino yelled, stroking my cheek and kissing my forehead.
"Okay but what do I have to tell him?"
"I don't care, just... Satoshi isn't in the state to come back."
"No, I'm all right... I..."
"Shtt babe, you stay here tonight." Nino tightened his grip around me.
After one hour, I fell asleep, exhausted.
"What happened, Kazu? You said you didn't want to see him again and now, you are hugging him?! Can you explain?!" Jun snapped.
"I had to do it. Sho made a mistake when he talked about the beach, even after all this time, Satoshi can't bear it." Nino sighed.
"Why?"
"He has a big trauma because of the sea and since this day he is afraid by water." Nino explained.
"Eh?"
When Nino explained the truth, Jun's face became white. He had never expected that...
I woke up in Kazu's arms. It felt so good to be against him again. I yawned and stroked his face softly not to wake him up but he frowned cutely and opened his eyes.
"How do you feel?" Nino smiled.
"Better. Thank you." I smiled gratefully.
"I couldn't leave you like that." Nino sighed, lifting his body up.
"Thanks." I kissed his cheek and wrapped my arms around his neck.
"Satoshi..."
"I missed you so much, Kazu." I whispered against his skin.
"I know but..."
"Don't worry, I won't bother you again... Just...let me stay like that a minute." I asked. Nino sighed and hugged me back. We stayed in each other arms for a moment before Nino pushed me away kindly.
"Talk to Sho." Nino smiled. I nodded. I knew I had to talk to him but it was hard.
Nino led me to the door but before he could say anything I kissed him. A last time. Just a last time to tell him goodbye. He seemed to understand because he slipped his tongue in my mouth and kissed me back tenderly and roughly at the same time. When the kiss stopped, he pecked my lips sadly.
"Goodbye, Satoshi."
"Take care of you Kazu." I whispered, tears filling my eyes when he closed the door and I saw his beautiful face for the last time in my life.
****
"Satoshi!! What happened, I was worried sick." Sho rushed toward me when I entered our apartment.
"I'm sorry, Sho, I needed some time alone."
"Is it because of the sea?"
"No. Don't worry, it wasn't a problem, I was tired and overreacted." I lied with a fake smile.
"Sure?"
"Hun."
"I missed you so much babe." Sho kissed me softly but I still had Kazu's taste on my lips.
Time passed and we never talked about the sea again.
"Satoshi?"
"Hun?"
"Could you take a day off tomorrow?"
"I guess but why?" I raised my eyebrows with curiosity.
"You'll see." Sho smiled mysteriously. I didn't even try to make him speak because he would never tell me what he was planning. The next morning, we climbed in his car and he put a blindfold on my eyes. Sho led me somewhere before whispering in my ear.
"Otanjoubi omedetou, my love." My smile disappeared when he removed my blindfold. We were on the sand, candles and dinner on the ground. I stayed paralized, fear starting to gag me.
"Satoshi?" Sho frowned when I started to breath with difficulty.
I fell on my knees, my hands holding my throat, trying to breath.
"Satoshi?! What's wrong, babe?!"
"I...can't...breath..." I panted. I was suffocating, pictures of this nightmare coming back. There were the cries, the desperate calls, the sound of the waves hitting the rocks. "Sho..." I tried to breath but air was leaving my lungs and I collapsed on the sand.
"Satoshi!" I thought I was hearing Kazu's voice but I wasn't sure, it was as if life was leaving my body.
"Ka..zu..."
"Toshi, I'm here my love. Look at me! Take a deep breath!" Nino asked in panic, lifting my body in his arms. Kazu cupped my face and looked at me with pleading eyes.
"Ka..." I gaged violently.
"I'm here, Satoshi, I'm here. Take a deep breath, babe. You know how I taught you. Calm down, close your eyes and breath." I tried to follow his voice but it was too hard.
"I..can't..." I coughed roughly.
"Please, babe, do it for me, I need you." Nino cried, stroking my cheek. I closed my eyes, trying to push away this nightmare and after lots of minutes, I started to calm down.
"Like that, babe. Calm down and follow my voice." Nino said in relief.
"Kazu..." I panted.
"Yes, I'm here, I will never leave you, I love you Satoshi." Nino kissed my lips before everything became dark.
To be continued...
A/N: Ano, sorry for this cut, it wasn't kind xD I'm posting very early but as I'm busy, I don't know when I'll be able to post the next chapter, so, I post this one today xD A lot of things happened here, kazu and ohchan's relationship is a true mess xD you'll know what happened to Ohchan in the next chapter, so, see you soon ^^
Author: MatsuAurore
Banner: Lilisan31 <3
Pairings: Yama, Ohmiya
Rating: R for violence
Genre: Au, romance, drama, angst
Disclaimer: If I owned them, I would keep the sex parts for me xD
Summary: What can you do when the person you love more than your own life is only looking at your best friend? What can you do when you know this person would never see you like you see her? And if your biggest wish came true but at the same time, getting close to her also meant pushing her farther from you...
Chapter 15:
Me & you
This love is so taboo, our secret
Message in the cell phone
Following those dear words
Call from you
Your voice whispers, "I'm missin' you"
I can't stop this feeling
Right now, I'm going to you
This moment
Your eyes
We're connected, aren't we?
Face to face
Nothing to say, but I know
I feel alright now
Forever
I wish to be with you
Next to me
Jun sighed happily before falling asleep, Nino in his arms, their naked bodies pressed together. They were sleeping peacefully when a shadow entered the bedroom. When Jun opened his eyes, something was pushed against his mouth and the young man fell asleep again.
Matsu opened his eyes painfully. Kazu wasn't in his arms anymore. The young man was in a white room and was wearing white weird clothes looking like pajamas. There was just a big glass on one of the walls and Jun approached it, afraid. The glass was a window and he could see another white room with someone on the ground.
"Kazu!!!" Jun screamed when he recognized his boyfriend. A man entered the room and kneeled next to Nino before lifting him up in his arms.
"Kazunari!!!" Jun hit the window and the man turned around with a smirk before putting his finger on his mouth as if he was telling Jun to shut his mouth.
"What are you doing to Kazu, bastard!!! Where are you taking him?!" Jun yelled, still hitting the window. But the man didn't answer and left the room.
Jun fell on his knees, lost. He didn't know what to do, he didn't know how to save his boyfriend from this man. The young man fell asleep, exhausted.
A noise made him jump and Matsu opened his eyes quickly but he wasn't in the same room. He was on a bed, tied up.
"Ah, you're awake." A voice said, satisfied.
"Who are you and where am I?" Jun panicked, trying to move.
"Humm. We'll play a game and if you give me the good answer, maybe I'll tell you." The man smirked.
"Matsuyama..." Jun whispered when he saw the man.
"Yes. It's me." The man chuckled and walked toward a table. Jun gulped when he saw the big knife in Matsuyama's hand.
"What do you want? Why are you doing that?" Jun froze.
"Hum. Because you're just a little shit! You're stealing the most precious thing I have and you have to pay for that!" Matsuyama punched Jun's face, a smile still on his face.
"I don't know what you mean?!"
"You, bastard! How did you dare touching my precious Kazunari!!!" The man hit Jun again who gasped in pain.
"You're crazy, Kazu doesn't belong to you." Jun shouted. Matsuyama froze and pushed on the knife on Jun's arm who screamed in pain.
"Don't you dare saying this kind of thing again, little shit."
Tears filled Jun's eyes because of the pain.
"Let's start the game!" Matsuyama exclaimed happily.
The man untied Jun's wrists and threw him on the ground before leaving the room.
After a moment, a man came. His face was hidden by a black mask and he had a knife in his hand.
"Try to stay alive, Jun!" A voice burst out laughing.
Jun stood up and tried to find a way to escape to the man who was walking dangerously toward him. Matsu finally found a small passage and left the room, running like he never did. Soon, Jun arrived in a new room and froze. On the walls, there were lots of pictures of Kazu and him but there were big crosses on his own face with words of hatred under. The sound of steps made Jun come back to reality and he hid himself under a desk.
The man appeared in the room, looking for his victim who thought it was the end of his life. Taking a deep breath, Jun stood up and tried to run away but fell on the ground. With a laugh, the man approached him but Jun kicked him with his legs and made him fall loudly on the ground, the knife flying in the corner of the room. Without thinking anymore, Jun ran toward the wound but when he tried to grab it, the killer hit him in the stomach, making him scream in pain.
"It's useless to fight, kid." The man laughed insanely before hitting Jun violently. The young boy gasped, air leaving his lungs. "Too bad to kill someone as pretty as you are." The man smirked, grabbing Jun's hair roughly. "But don't worry, it will be quick." Jun screamed and hit the man who gasped. Matsu crawled toward the knife but the man hit him in the back, the young boy screaming in pain loudly.
"Come here little mouse." The man laughed, grabbing Jun's arm who reacted in one second. They stared at each other for a moment before the man collapsed on the ground, the knife in his chest. Jun looked at the blood on his hands before fainting.
When he opened his eyes, he was behind a glass and saw Nino tying up on a bed.
Kazunari
"When I woke up, I was at hospital with you next to me. I don't need to tell you what happened after I saw you on this bed." Jun whispered.
"J... Why didn't you tell me earlier what happened to you?" I asked, putting my hand on his.
"Because I didn't want to make suffer more. I knew you would blame yourself for beating me and I didn't want to add that to your pain. Kazunari, what happened this day wasn't your fault, I would have done the same to protect you. You saved us when you hit Matsuyama and carried me on your back and one life would never be enough to tell you how grateful I am to you." Jun smiled.
"Thank you, J. Thank you for always being here, for supporting me and loving me despite my nasty attitude." I whispered. Jun hugged me tightly during lots of minutes. No need to talk. Silence was speaking for us.
"J, I think you should talk with Masaki, he is suffering." I said after a moment.
"You're right."
"And this is why you are afraid of being touched?" I asked.
"Yes. One day, while I was cooking, Masaki appeared silently and hugged me from behind. I reacted automatically and hit his face. I hate myself for that but when I felt his arms around me, I thought it was Matsuyama or this man. I can touch him and Masa too but he can't touch me from behind and when he tries to lead, I become violent because I'm scared." Jun cried.
"J, you should see a professional to overcome your trauma..." I patted his shoulder kindly.
"I know." Jun sighed.
"Jun?" We jumped and turned our heads to see Aiba in the middle of the living room, tears rolling down his cheeks.
"Masaki..."
"Why? Why did you never tell me the truth?" Aiba stammered.
"I... I'm so sorry, babe." Jun stoop up and after some hesitation, hugged his boyfriend tightly in his arms. They walked in their bedroom to talk alone and I laid on the carpet, sighing. I felt lighter now I knew the truth and maybe it really wasn't my fault after all. Maybe I did the right things to do this day.
You can't erase your past but just accept it and try to move on to build new happy memories...
I understood I was trying to escape my trauma but even if I ran quickly, I couldn't erase the reality. I went through horrible things but the only way to live in peace was the confrontation. I had to face my past.
This night, I didn't make any night terror. It was as if the truth and acceptance of what happened had unlocked my mind and for the first time in ten years, I slept peacefully.
"How do you feel?" Jun asked me the next morning when I took my coffee.
"I didn't make any nightmare." I smiled.
"Really?! I'm so happy!!" Jun usually in a bad mood the morning, hugged me tightly, a wide smile on his face.
"It was weird.... I mean, I'm not used to sleep dreamless." I sighed.
"You don't look very happy." Jun frowned, releasing me.
"I am but..."
"You think about Satoshi." Jun cut me off. I didn't respond, it was useless to try to lie to him because he knew me by heart.
"And with Aiba?"
"We talked a lot. I told him everything, what happened to us, to me, what I feel, my fears and he hugged me. We cried a lot but he said he'll help me to overcome my trauma." Jun whispered.
"It's good. I think both of us needed to talk about what happened." I smiled sadly.
"Kazu?"
"Hun?"
"Why did you never tell Satoshi your true feelings?" I froze. I wasn't expecting this kind of question.
"I don't have any feelings for him." I said stubbornly.
"No need to waste your time by lying to me." Jun groaned.
"He doesn't need to know. It's too late. He is in love with Sho and I'm not in the right to spoil their couple. And plus, Ohno doesn't love me." I snapped.
"Kazu..."
"I don't want to talk about him, Jun." I said coldly before leaving the kitchen.
"So stubborn." Jun sighed.
"He isn't your brother for nothing." A voice made him jump.
"I guess..." Jun whispered when Aiba sat on his lap to kiss him. "I love you, baby."
"Jun, remember I love every part of you, even the dark ones. You belong to me and I belong to you. Don't ever hide me things that could destroy you again." Aiba whispered, stroking Jun's cheek softly. They stared at each other for a while, love, comprehension, happiness and trust shining in their eyes.
"Never. You're mine and I'll protect you." Jun smiled before kissing his lover softly yet, with all the love he was feeling for him.
I looked at my notebook thoughtfully. I thought my album was ready now. When I'll release it, I'll move in another town, maybe Chiba to see Aiba's parents again. I mostly needed to leave Tokyo for a new start without Satoshi...
Satoshi
When Sho left the hospital and Kazu stopped any contact with me, I decided to take a new start with my boyfriend after these long four years without him. Sho couldn't start his job again because Yamapi wanted him to take some rest. It was hard for my Sho who hated to stay at home, after all, he was a workaholic. During five days, he kidnapped me and made love to me every day for lots of hours. I never complained, of course.
"Satoshi?" Sho asked after a torrid love making while I was dozing on his naked chest.
"Hun?"
"What do you want to do tomorrow?"
"What you want." I mumbled sleepily.
"I would like to go to the beach."
"NO!!!" I screamed, standing up quickly.
"What? Are you all right, babe?"
"Yes. Sorry. It's just... I don't really like the sea." I looked away, avoiding his eyes.
"Since when? You always told me you loved the ocean." Sho frowned. "We could stay on the sand, I..."
"NO!! I don't want to go there!!" I snapped before leaving our bedroom and locking myself up.
"Babe, what's happening, I don't understand." Sho knocked on the door but I didn't respond, burying my face in my knees, trying to chase these horrible pictures.
"Satoshi, please, open the door." Sho repeated.
I was shaking in fear, guilt coming back again. I knew it was impossible to forget. Whatever you try, your past will always come back one day. After two hours, I left the bathroom and saw Sho asleep in our bed. I slipped under the sheets and buried my face in his neck. His arms wrapped my waist immediately.
"What happened, babe?"
"Sorry, I don't feel well. I want to see Jun." I whispered.
"But..."
"I'll come back quickly." I smiled, pecking his nose and leaving the apartment.
"Satoshi? What's wrong?" Jun exclaimed when he saw me in front of his door.
"Ju..n... I... Kazu doesn't want to see me and I needed to... It's Sho..." I stammered.
"What did he do to you?!" I jumped when I saw Kazu next to Jun with an angry face.
"He wanted us to go to the sea..." I sobbed.
"What?!" Nino hugged me immediately and made me sit down on the sofa with him.
"Explain, dear." Nino stroked my wet face.
"I told him I didn't want to go, even on the sand but he insisted and... I overreacted..." I cried.
"Shttt, now, calm down, I'm here." Nino whispered, rocking me in his arms.
"Kazu?" Jun looked at him with lost eyes.
"Call Sho and tell him Satoshi will stay here tonight." Nino said.
"Eh? What? But..."
"Call for the fucking sake!!" Nino yelled, stroking my cheek and kissing my forehead.
"Okay but what do I have to tell him?"
"I don't care, just... Satoshi isn't in the state to come back."
"No, I'm all right... I..."
"Shtt babe, you stay here tonight." Nino tightened his grip around me.
After one hour, I fell asleep, exhausted.
"What happened, Kazu? You said you didn't want to see him again and now, you are hugging him?! Can you explain?!" Jun snapped.
"I had to do it. Sho made a mistake when he talked about the beach, even after all this time, Satoshi can't bear it." Nino sighed.
"Why?"
"He has a big trauma because of the sea and since this day he is afraid by water." Nino explained.
"Eh?"
When Nino explained the truth, Jun's face became white. He had never expected that...
I woke up in Kazu's arms. It felt so good to be against him again. I yawned and stroked his face softly not to wake him up but he frowned cutely and opened his eyes.
"How do you feel?" Nino smiled.
"Better. Thank you." I smiled gratefully.
"I couldn't leave you like that." Nino sighed, lifting his body up.
"Thanks." I kissed his cheek and wrapped my arms around his neck.
"Satoshi..."
"I missed you so much, Kazu." I whispered against his skin.
"I know but..."
"Don't worry, I won't bother you again... Just...let me stay like that a minute." I asked. Nino sighed and hugged me back. We stayed in each other arms for a moment before Nino pushed me away kindly.
"Talk to Sho." Nino smiled. I nodded. I knew I had to talk to him but it was hard.
Nino led me to the door but before he could say anything I kissed him. A last time. Just a last time to tell him goodbye. He seemed to understand because he slipped his tongue in my mouth and kissed me back tenderly and roughly at the same time. When the kiss stopped, he pecked my lips sadly.
"Goodbye, Satoshi."
"Take care of you Kazu." I whispered, tears filling my eyes when he closed the door and I saw his beautiful face for the last time in my life.
****
"Satoshi!! What happened, I was worried sick." Sho rushed toward me when I entered our apartment.
"I'm sorry, Sho, I needed some time alone."
"Is it because of the sea?"
"No. Don't worry, it wasn't a problem, I was tired and overreacted." I lied with a fake smile.
"Sure?"
"Hun."
"I missed you so much babe." Sho kissed me softly but I still had Kazu's taste on my lips.
Time passed and we never talked about the sea again.
"Satoshi?"
"Hun?"
"Could you take a day off tomorrow?"
"I guess but why?" I raised my eyebrows with curiosity.
"You'll see." Sho smiled mysteriously. I didn't even try to make him speak because he would never tell me what he was planning. The next morning, we climbed in his car and he put a blindfold on my eyes. Sho led me somewhere before whispering in my ear.
"Otanjoubi omedetou, my love." My smile disappeared when he removed my blindfold. We were on the sand, candles and dinner on the ground. I stayed paralized, fear starting to gag me.
"Satoshi?" Sho frowned when I started to breath with difficulty.
I fell on my knees, my hands holding my throat, trying to breath.
"Satoshi?! What's wrong, babe?!"
"I...can't...breath..." I panted. I was suffocating, pictures of this nightmare coming back. There were the cries, the desperate calls, the sound of the waves hitting the rocks. "Sho..." I tried to breath but air was leaving my lungs and I collapsed on the sand.
"Satoshi!" I thought I was hearing Kazu's voice but I wasn't sure, it was as if life was leaving my body.
"Ka..zu..."
"Toshi, I'm here my love. Look at me! Take a deep breath!" Nino asked in panic, lifting my body in his arms. Kazu cupped my face and looked at me with pleading eyes.
"Ka..." I gaged violently.
"I'm here, Satoshi, I'm here. Take a deep breath, babe. You know how I taught you. Calm down, close your eyes and breath." I tried to follow his voice but it was too hard.
"I..can't..." I coughed roughly.
"Please, babe, do it for me, I need you." Nino cried, stroking my cheek. I closed my eyes, trying to push away this nightmare and after lots of minutes, I started to calm down.
"Like that, babe. Calm down and follow my voice." Nino said in relief.
"Kazu..." I panted.
"Yes, I'm here, I will never leave you, I love you Satoshi." Nino kissed my lips before everything became dark.
To be continued...
A/N: Ano, sorry for this cut, it wasn't kind xD I'm posting very early but as I'm busy, I don't know when I'll be able to post the next chapter, so, I post this one today xD A lot of things happened here, kazu and ohchan's relationship is a true mess xD you'll know what happened to Ohchan in the next chapter, so, see you soon ^^