In your heart chapter 1
Title: In your heart
Author: MatsuAurore
Beta: Andreja1989 thank you so much for your work <3
Pairings: Ohmiya, Yama, Nino/Toma (friendship), Juntoshi (friendship)
Rating: PG-13 for this chapter
Genre: Au, romance, drama, fantasy, fluff
Lenght: serie/multichapter
Disclaimer: Only own the plot but Nino owns Ohno's body, ne? xD
Summary: Two pasts, two painful stories. They are the same but yet so different. Nino, a big arrogant idol and Ohno a kind and shy amazing dancer. They live their lives but when Ohno meets the younger, the sleepy man will discover Nino’s dark past that the idol wanted to forget. One day Nino gets stuck in Ohno’s mind and he discovers that maybe the dancer is the only person who can really understand his pain. Maybe Ohno’s eternal sleepy smile hides a dark secret.
Chapter 1:The brat
As always, Ohno sighed while entering his empty apartment. He turned the lights on and took his shoes off when a flash of memory appeared in his mind.
"Tadaima," Ohno said, walking toward his lover.
"Okaeri, baby." Sho answered, kissing him kindly.
"I missed you." A smile appeared on Ohno’s face.
"Me too, baby, I want you." Sho whispered, lifted him up and turned to go to their bedroom.
Tears rolled on Ohno's cheeks. It was over, Sho could never say it again. In these 3 years since the disappearance of his lover, nothing had changed. Every picture and his belongings were at the same place he left them. Ohno lived with his memories. He opened the door of Sho's office and moved towards the desk. Nothing had changed, he didn't want to throw his stuff away; it was too hard. There was the same picture on the desk, a picture of them, hugging with a big smile.
"Our happy days." thought Ohno.
“Why? Why did you leave?” Ohno asked, taking the picture. “It's too hard without you, the life has no meaning if you're not there.”
Ohno fell to the ground, crying and hugging the picture against his heart. It was the same every night, the same grief, the same tears and he couldn't do anything except crying and crying until falling asleep from exhaustion. His heart was broken and lost forever, his life was over as if someone had killed him this day. “Sho! Come back!!!” Ohno screamed, remembering another moment they shared together.
"Sho, what do you want to eat?” Ohno asked with a huge smile.
"What you want. I'll love it if it's you who will prepare it.” Sho answered, hugging his lover from behind and putting his chin on his shoulder.
"That's not helping me.” Ohno giggled while Sho sat on the chair.
"Come here.” Sho opened his arms, Ohno sat on his lover's lap, wrapping his chest and burying his face in his neck.
"I love you." Ohno whispered, stroking his cheek against the warm chest.
"Love you too, my Toshi." Sho smiled, his hand patting his lover’s hair.
They stayed like this, loving the touch of the other. The time seemed to have stopped just for them, just to let them love each other.
"Curry." The younger one announced his wish before pecking Ohno's lips. They shared a soft kiss before Sho deepened it. Ohno moaned, stroking his lover's cheek while the younger took his shirt off.
"Sho…" Ohno moaned, breathless.
"I love you, baby, with all my soul." Sho whispered in his ear making the other shiver.
"More than my own life." Ohno smiled, a wave of happiness crossing his heart.
***
Nino blinked, feeling the sun on his face. He opened his eyes and jumped seeing Toma under him. He did it again. In one month, he had tried to kill himself three times and finished in the bed of his best friend. He felt guilty to be a burden for his manager.
"You're awake." Toma whispered, a worried look visible on his face.
"Sorry, I did it again…" Nino mumbled, his face still against his chest.
"It's ok, go to the bathroom, you have a busy day." Toma smiled.
Nino walked to the bathroom while Toma stared at him, sighing. There wasn’t much progress since Nino's hospitalization and he was very worried. Several nights per month, he found his friend who cried and tried to harm himself. Since Yusuke's death, the idol wasn't the same. The kind and happy man he was, had disappeared. Now, Nino was an arrogant, selfish and pretentious idol with everybody except with Toma, his manager and best friend. The latter knew Nino suffered and all this was his defence to survive. What he could do was to stop the suicide attempts of the younger and that's why, since two years, he lived with him, to protect him.
Nino sighed, feeling the hot water on his face. He sat on the floor and leaned his head against the wall, staring at the water which flowed on his feet. Because of his tiredness, he closed his eyes and fell asleep, a flash appearing in his dream.
The night... the fear... he ran... there were trees, many trees. Nino ran, the branches of trees scratched his face, leaving red marks but he didn't care, his life was on the line. Suddenly, his foot hit a stone and he fell.
"Ninomiya!" Cried out a frightening voice. A hand caught his arm and Nino cried.
"No please! Don't kill me!" Nino shouted, trying to release himself.
"Nino!" A voice yelled even louder.
"Please…" Nino begged while his left hand covered his face to prevent a knock.
"Kazu, it's me!" Toma's voice said.
Nino jumped and opened his eyes. He was lying on the shower's floor with his hands around Toma's neck.
"To-ma…" Nino stammered, withdrawing his hands which trembled.
"Yes, calm down." The manager said, distressed.
"He was there, he wanted to kill me!" Nino cried, while holding Toma's shirt with despair, his eyes full of tears and fear.
"It's all right Kazu, don't worry, it was just a nightmare." Toma whispered, hugging him tightly, his arms holding Nino's back to rock him.
"He wanted to kill me…" Nino repeated, tears rolling on his cheeks.
"No, it's over, he can't hurt you, I promise." Toma dried him and helped him to put his pajamas.
The young manager took him in his arms and lied his friend down on his bed who grabbed one of the pillow, still shaking.
quot;You must be too tired I'll call them to cancel your interview." Toma reassured him sadly and once he could get away, Nino grabbed his arm.
"Thank you, Toma, I'm sorry."
"Don't be, Kazu, I'll always be there for you my Chibi gamer." The manager smiled, kissing his forehead. Nino pouted and laid his head on the pillow. Again, always the same nightmare... his trauma was still in his heart but it seemed so real this time. Nino could feel his breath, his evil laugh as if he was watching him. The tears rolled on the pillow, his sobs shook his body. Three years... three years and nothing had changed despite all his efforts, he didn’t manage to overcome his trauma. The tiredness won and Nino fell asleep.
When he woke up, the sun had disappeared and it was dark. Standing up, he walked to the door but stopped, hearing Toma's voice. "Yes, yesterday night." Toma said, his phone wedged between his ear and his shoulder.
"..."
"I don't know if he really wanted to kill himself but he held a knife." Toma exhaled.
"..."
"It's the third time this month..."
"..."
"I know that! But he suffers and I don't want to frighten him, I can't bring him back to the hospital, he is traumatized not insane!" Toma yelled making Nino jump.
"..."
"Yes. This morning, yes. The same dream, again. He said he wanted to kill him."
"..."
"Yes…"
"..."
"I don't know what to do that's why I call, he trust you and I'm very worried." Toma sat on the chair, his hand playing with his hair.
"..."
"No, he doesn't want to take the pills..."
"..."
"Can you see him again? I know you're busy and he cancelled the last meeting but since he doesn't see you anymore, it's worse…"
"..."
"Yes, I understand, thank you very much, I'll tell him, goodbye." Toma thanked before hanging up.
Nino stormed in the room an angry look on his face as he grabbed Toma's arm. "Who was it?" Nino yelled, grabbed and shook his friend by the collar.
"Calm down, Kazu. I called Takahisa-san." Toma explained a little annoyed.
"Why?! I don't want to see him again, I'm fine!" Nino cried.
"Don't be stubborn, Kazunari, you're not fine, you need him, you have a meeting for tomorrow." Toma said, taking Nino's hand off his collar.
"No, I won’t go!"
"Oh yes you'll go!!! I don't care, I'll take you there! You don't care about me being worried?! You're very selfish, idiot!" Toma snapped, very angry. Nino stiffened and tears began to roll on his cheeks. He moved back but his manager grabbed his waist and held him thightly against his chest, stroking his head. "Sorry, I didn't meant it but I'm worried for you." Toma apologized, feeling guilty. The idol buried his face against his bosom, crying loudly, his whole body shaking out of fear and pain.
"Don't leave me, please! I know I'm the worst friend in the world but I need you, don't ever leave me, please!" Nino begged, his arms wrapping around Toma's back while the latter took them on the sofa.
"Never Kazu. You're my best friend, I'll never leave you" Toma said, rocking his friend in his arms.
After some hours of crying, Nino fell asleep in Toma's arms. Since that day, the idol's life was a hell, a world of pain, nightmares and tears. Nino hated crying in front of someone but when he was with his friend, he couldn't keep his tears because the manager was Yusuke's cousin, he made him remember his pain and at the same time, he was the only one who understood the gamer and could comfort him. It was painful yet reassuring.
The next day, at lunch, Nino went to his favorite place. It was a little hill where nobody came and he could play with his DS in peace. Once arriving, he jumped, seeing a man drewing. It was a beautiful young man with black hair, cute chubby cheeks and full pink mouth. His drawing was wonderful and Nino smiled, but soon, felt angry.
"This is my place." Nino said coldly when he arrived in front of him. The beautiful man raised his eyes and smiled. He has a fucking beautiful smile like a rainbow in the sky. Thought Nino.
"Sumimasen, I wanted to draw this landscape." The man said shyly.
Fuck, he is so cute, he looks like a teddy bear! Thought the younger.
"I'm Ohno Satoshi." The artist added softly, holding out one hand to the idol.
"I don't care who you are, this is my place, leave!" Nino barked, ignoring Ohno's hand.
"Hum... bad mood aren't we?" Ohno chuckled, lowering his hand.
"Shut up, it's not your business." Nino replied, attempting to punch his sleepy face but stopped as the other one spoke again.
"Sorry but I didn’t finish yet." Ohno smiled calmly, ignoring Nino's anger.
Ohno continued to draw in silence while Nino sighed, sat down and ate his onigiri. Artist didn’t recognize Nino who felt offended, never somebody had spoken to him like that, he was a very big idol and everybody admired and respected him. When he wanted something, people tried everything to satisfy this arrogant brat. If you made Nino angry, he could make your life a hell, this fucking stupid sleepy man was very crazy to think he could treat him this way.
I'll make you swallow your drawing, Mr Teddy bear! Thought Nino but once he looked at him, he saw Ohno was asleep.
"He doesn't care about me!" Mumbled Nino, but to his surprise, he wasn't angry, more touched by this cute sleepy face and the stranger’s chubby cheeks.
Does he hide food or something else in his cheeks? Nino thought, a slight smile appearing on his face.
The idol took his phone to see Yusuke’s picture. He was so beautiful, so kind. A tear began to roll on his cheek, then, a second, then, many others. Nino cried in silence as always when he looked at his face. The pain was the same.
"Are you all right?" A voice asked.
Nino jumped and turned his head to see the chubby man being awake, staring at him with an anxious glance.
"It's okay." Nino answered, wiping his tears quickly.
"Your tears are beautiful..." Ohno said. "Is he your lover?" The older asked, seeing Yusuke's picture.
"No."
"Who's he?"
"Nobody." Nino replied coldly, closing his phone.
"Nobody makes you cry?" Ohno questioned, still staring at him.
"It's not your business." Nino stared back at the older with his most frightening look but Ohno didn't seem to be concerned with it and continued.
"Where is he?"
"Shut up! Are you stupid? It's not your business, you're boring!" Nino cried before leaving not seeing Ohno’s sad smile. He knew this feeling. The young man packed his stuff too and left the place.
Nino was angry, how this fucking sleepy man dared to ask him all this questions? He hated crying in front of someone, he couldn't be weak with the others. Slamming his door, he walked to his fridge and took a beer to forget. He was about to open his can when a hand caught it before he could protest.
"You aren't allowed to drink alcohol, you know it." The manager reproached, throwing the can in the basket.
"Shut up, Toma!" Nino mumbled.
"Do you want me to bring you back at the hospital?" Toma asked, crossing his arms.
"You couldn't do it." Nino smirked with an arrogant look.
"To protect you from yourself, I could." The younger answered, challenging his look.
"Do it, then! I'm pathetic, I'm nothing just a burden for you, I just deserve that." Nino muttered.
Toma sighed and embraced his friend. "You're not a burden and you don't deserve that, don't say these things. You suffer, that's all." Toma whispered.
Nino cried in his arms, burying his face against his chest. He thought about Ohno, for the first time in his life, he cried in front of someone else but strangely, wanted to see this bored teddy man again. His smile attracted him like a butterfly towards light and plus, Ohno was the first person who spoke to him normally and frankly. There was something in the sleepy man's eyes which fascinated Nino or maybe it was his eyes or his chubby cheeks or his very beautiful hands... He didn't know but wanted to see him again.
***
Ohno sat on the chair and ordered a coffee. He was tired and lost in his own world. The sleepy man remembered the brat from the hill. There was something which attracted him, maybe the sadness and the despair which shined in his eyes or his beautiful tears. This brat was handsome and seemed very frank and sensitive. Ohno jumped when his best friend appeared in front of him. The younger smiled and kissed his cheek before sitting on the second chair. Seeing his stare, Ohno showed his eternal fake mask.
"How are you?" Jun asked.
"Fine like always"
"You don't have to lie to me, I know you're not fine, Toshi." Jun said, slightly annoyed.
"I'm just tired, Junji, it's okay." Ohno said with a fake smile.
"As always, you don't want to rely you on me, you can open your heart for me, you can speak about your feelings, you can cry, you can scream with me, it's okay to do so." Jun said, stroking Ohno's arm.
Ohno smiled, he loved his best friend but didn't want to be a burden for him. He knew how much Jun suffered, Sho was his big brother and he loved him that's why the older didn't want to speak about him, he preferred suffering alone.
"I know, Jun but trust me, I'm okay. I move on. Is everything fine with Masaki?" Ohno asked, trying to change the subject.
"Yes, I love him so much and we live together, all is perfect." The younger smiled, putting his chin on his hands. Jun was in love with their old friend, Masaki. Both knew him since elementary school and Jun was together with him for 5 years. They made a very beautiful couple with their different characters. Aiba was always exited while Jun was calmer and both were very kind and sensitive.
"When will the two of you get married?"
"I have a ring, I'll ask to Ma-chan for his birthday." Jun smiled, dreamy.
"Sugoi!! I'm very happy for you two!"
The same fake smile… Ohno was really happy for his best friend but at the same time, a violent pain came over his heart, throbbing. Three years ago, he was at the same place, smiling and talking about his life with Sho, talking about their desires, their projects, their future like Jun with Aiba. He knew the younger was very worried for him, that’s why he built a mask. When he wasn’t alone, he showed a beautiful smile which made you believe he was the happiest guy in the world.
***
Two days later, Nino went to his favorite place again, he wanted to see Ohno again but didn't know if the man will be there. When he arrived, he smiled. Ohno was lying on the grass.
"You weren't here, yesterday." Ohno whispered, his head still on his arms.
"And you, you are here again!"
"It's your place, ne?" Ohno chuckled.
Even his laugh is beautiful, thought Nino.
"Yes, it's my place." Nino smiled.
He sat towards Ohno and closed his eyes though the latter looked at him. They stayed like this, nobody spoke, just the wind who blew a little.
"I'm Ohno Satoshi." Artist spoke his name as two days ago.
"I know, you said it already." Nino replied.
"And you? Do you have a name or are you just a little brat with a bad mood?" Ohno asked, smiling.
"Ninomiya Kazunari but call me Nino." The younger answered, ignoring the sarcasm.
"So~ then, Nino-chan, why did you cry?" Ohno asked, turning his face to glance at the idol.
"You never surrender ne?" Nino sighed, looking at the beautiful and kind eyes which made his heart flutter.
"No, especially when I see someone crying." Ohno answered sincerely.
"You're boring." Nino said and Ohno chuckled. Strangely, he felt comfortable with the sleepy man. There was something about him to calm his grief down. "It was my lover, he is dead." Nino explained after a moment. He saw Ohno staring at him with a very painful look. "Are you okay?" Nino asked, worried.
"Yes, sorry. Since when is he dead?"
"Three years ago but I feel like if it was just yesterday."
The older didn't answer. He knew it, he knew this pain which lived in his heart and didn't want to leave. It was what he felt daily.
"I know it's difficult but you have to be strong, you must continue to live your life." Ohno said, putting his hand on Nino's arm.
"How could you know, don't act like if you understand what I feel!" Nino replied, anger returning, pushing Ohno's hand from him.
"You're wrong, I unders..." Ohno tried but Nino cut him.
"Shut up! You're like the others, you believe you know all. It's easy to say "it's difficult but you must to be strong" but you don't know how hard it's to live with this fucking pain, I thought you were different but I was wrong, you're the same, you think you can give your 'beautiful' advice but you're just an asshole like them!" Nino yelled.
Ohno looked at him, hurt and stood up.
"Right, if you think that, I can't do anything. I just wanted to help you but with this attitude, you'll have to do it alone. Everybody is not bad, Ninomiya.There are some people with their story, don't speak without knowing and learn to listen, it could be good for you. Now, sorry, but this asshole doesn't want to stay with someone who blames the world for his pain, goodbye and good luck with your grief that just you can understand." Ohno said before leaving.
"Shit!" Nino cursed, punching the tree. Once again, he spoiled it all.
To be continued...