The way you are (2/5)
Title: The way you are
Author: MatsuAurore
Beta: Andreja1989 <3
Pairing: Sakuraiba, Juntoshi
Genre: Au, drama, romance, angst, BDSM (hints)
Rating: R for this part
Disclaimer: Only own the plot T.T but luckily, Sho owns Aiba xD
Summary: Sho is perfect. Smart, kind, patient, handsome with a high job and will soon get married with the girl of his dreams. His life is a long and annoying straight line. But what he didn't expect was his meeting with Aiba, a mysterious and gorgeous man who will change his view of the life and will bring lots of questions about himself.
Chapter 2: Questions
"Maybe I could help you to forget." Aiba whispered in my ear, grabbing my belt to press our bodies together. I moaned a bit when I felt his hard length pressing against mine. It felt so good and I started to panic.
"Sorry but there is a misunderstanding, I'm not gay." I protested.
"I see and that's why I can feel your hard dick against my thigh, because you aren't gay?" Aiba chuckled in my ear.
"I... I think I drank too much, sorry." I pushed him away and left quickly, ignoring Jun's calls.
"I thought it would have worked." Jun mumbled.
"Jun, he said he doesn't like men, why don't you give up?" Aiba sighed.
"Because I know he isn't happy with this boring life."
"But it's none of your business, why don't you let him make his own choices?"
"I..." Jun stopped for some seconds, thinking about Aiba's words. "Maybe you're right, maybe I should respect his choices even if he isn't really happy with Yuki."
"I think it would be a good decision." Aiba smiled.
I took my shoes off as silently as possible. I looked at the clock. 1 a.m. I never came back so late in my whole life... except when I... I shook my head, trying to erase this painful memory. Jun was right after all, it happened
fifteen years ago and I had to move on but how could I forget?
"Sho?" Yuki yawned when I climbed on the bed.
"Sorry, I didn't want to wake you up." I apologized, pecking her lips.
"You drank?!"
"A bit." I whispered.
"I see. Good night." Yuki said coldly and turned her back toward me. I sighed, laying my head down on the pillow. I went too far, I guess.
****
The next morning, I left earlier not to face Yuki. I couldn't confront her disappointed eyes. In the afternoon, Jun stormed in my office angrily. "What did you do yesterday night?!" Jun asked coldly.
"I... Sorry, but I couldn't stay, Yuki was waiting for me." I lowered my face.
"Again. You are doing it again..." Jun sighed, clawing his nose.
"What?"
"Planning everything, holding back your feelings, following Yuki's rules! Why doesn't she let you have some time for only your friends and you?! Why do you always have to worry she would be disappointed if you came back drunk or spent time outside without her?! She is gagging you, Sho! You already look like a 70 years old man!"
"That's all?" I asked coldly.
"Sho, I..."
"I thought as my best friend you would have never judged me and would have respected my choices. I've never judged your life while you are gay and in BDSM. Never. I never told you it was sick to like that because I respect you and your happiness is my first priority!"
"But you are not happy, Sho!"
"Oh, you are in my head, now. You know better than me what is good for me?!" I snapped.
"No but..."
"Get out!"
"Sho, I'm sorry, I..."
"Get out now, Jun or I'll say things I don't mean!" Jun lowered his head and left with sadness. I knew he wanted the best for me but I was angry he didn't understand my choices. Sighing, I put my head on my arms, closing my eyes. I thought about Aiba. Yesterday night was fun and Aiba was a kind man but... I stood up and left my office. I needed to forget all this mess!
I walked to a bar and sat down on a chair. What could I choose? A beer or a coffee?
"Sakurai-san?!" A voice cut my thoughts off and I raised my eyes, blinking when I saw a smiling (and sexy) Aiba.
"Aiba-san!" I exclaimed, very surprised.
"How are you?"
"Well. And you? What are you doing here?"
"I own this bar." Aiba sat next to me, holding me out a card.
Aiba Masaki
Rakuen's bar
"Eh?! But it's..."
"Yes. The Rakuen's club is mine too." Aiba smiled.
"But yesterday you weren't working..."
"No. My best friend is working in Rakuen's club when I don't."
"I see."
"So, would you like a cocktail, I can make you one that will please you." Aiba grinned, making me gulp when I saw this wonderful smile again.
"But it is only 6 p.m." I protested.
"I won't put lots of alcohol, don't worry." Aiba chuckled, standing up to join the counter. I followed him, staring at his butt. Fuck, he had a very cute butt.
"So, you own a bar and a night club, isn't it exhausting?" I asked, crossing my arms on the counter.
"Hmm, a bit but Kazu is often here to help me, so, it's okay." Aiba smiled after some seconds. I looked at him while he was preparing my drink, making professional (and also hot) movements. His concentrated face made him so adorable and I noted he also had beautiful hands with long fingers.
"And, how come you like to do this work?" I finally asked, stopping my contemplation.
"I don't know. I... I like to make people happy. When men or women come in my bar because they had a tough day, I want to make them smile with my drinks and the mood in my club. And I also love dancing and music." Aiba chuckled.
"You don't sleep much, I guess."
"No but... I love my life. Not a single day is the same as previous ones. I meet lots of people, sometimes for one night, sometimes for more. My life isn't bored and I like not to plan anything."
"We are very different. I need to plan everything, to know what I'll do the next day, not to have any bad surprises."
"I see. But you know, life can bring you good surprises." Aiba whispered, approaching his face toward me. We stared at each other for a moment. I was hypnotized. His deep brown eyes were hypnotizing. "When you don't know what will happen tomorrow, you can imagine everything. You can decide what you want. Is it really a bad thing to live carefree? I mean, when we met, it wasn't planned and now, you are here, we are talking about our lives, we are spending a good time and nothing was planned. Is it really bad?" Aiba asked softly.
"I... No, I guess." I whispered, a bit surprised in front of this honesty.
"I understand your need to plan everything but the question is: are you really happy? Does your life really satisfy you?"
"I don't know. I wasn't like that before but things aren't like we want it to be and I changed. I think I'm scared to lose control of my life." I sighed.
"What is your work?"
"I'm a lawyer."
"So cool! You must be very smart."
"Not really." I blushed.
"Why don't you try to let it go?"
"I..."
"Did you ever do something crazy in your life?"
"What do you mean?" I frowned.
"I don't know. Have you ever done something you never said to your family or your best friend because it was crazy?" Aiba asked seriously.
"I... No... I don't think so..." I lied, blushing and lowering my head.
"I did it several times." Aiba chuckled.
"What did you do?"
"Secret." Aiba winked, making me pout.
"Tell me, please!"
"Hmm, ok but only one thing. Once, I tried BDSM."
"Eh?!" I exclaimed, shocked.
"Yes. My ex-boyfriend was a master and I tried."
"Did you like it?"
"Yes." Aiba stopped, thinking a moment. "I wasn't in hard BDSM, my master was soft. I never said it to someone else than Kazu."
"And now, you want to... again?"
"BDSM? I don't know. It depends of the person but to be honest, I like to be dominated in bed. Not too much but I like it when my boyfriend takes the control and leads everything." Aiba blushed a bit staring at the glass in his hands.
"I see." I liked his vision. I also liked to take a full control in bed but Yuki never liked it.
"Even if I don't do BDSM anymore I want to be dominated, at least, in bed. I like pain too."
"You mean... To be hit and cut?"
"It depends. I told you I'm in soft, hard isn't for me."
"I like to dominate." I said without thinking, alcohol wining my blood.
"Really?"
"Yes. Yuki, my girlfriend, never agreed but I know I like it. To lead everything, to take control." I chuckled.
"Why are you already taken?!" Aiba sighed desperately.
"Sorry." I whispered.
"Maybe you could one time in your life, make something crazy, something you won't tell anybody." Aiba smiled.
"I..." I stopped. "What do you mean?"
"Look, Sho-chan, you are kind and gorgeous. I like you and I know you like me, so, why don't we spend some time together. Nobody will know." Aiba whispered in my ear, sending shivers in my whole body.
"I... Sorry, I'm not gay... I think I drank too much, I should leave now." I quickly stood up and ran away, my heart beating furiously as Aiba's words were resounding in my mind.
I slammed the door of my apartment behind me. I couldn't put a word on what just happened, I couldn't even think straight.
"You only drank too much, Sho." I mumbled.
After a long shower, I put my pajamas on and laid down on my bed next to Yuki though, she didn't react when I hugged her from behind.
I woke up with a big headache, I really wasn't good with alcohol. After a shower and a coffee, I left my apartment for a new day at Sakumoto&associates.
"Sho?" I heard Jun calling my name shyly.
"Hun?" I hummed without raising my head, staring at the papers on my desk.
"Please, can we talk."
"Don't want to." I muttered.
"Please. Listen, I'm sorry for last time, I just... You're my best friend and I want your happiness and Aiba is a wonderful man."
"I know." I sighed, taking my glasses off. "I know you wanted but I'm happy the way I am."
"In that case, why did you change? You weren't like that before..."
"Jun!" I cut him off.
"Sorry." Jun apologized, knowing I couldn't hear this name even after all these years.
"I... I know I'm not the friend I was used to be ten years ago but... I can't move on... I can't forget..." I sighed, my hand traveling in my hair.
"But it made you change completely, Sho. You aren't like that, even with Yuki, you are... soft... sappy..."
"I... What do you want to hear?! That I will leave her, that I will return my old self and will live like before?!"
"Yes. I would like to. Be honest, Sho. You like Aiba, it's obvious, why don't you try, why don't you let go again?!"
"I'm scared. It destroyed my life, it stole me everything I had, I can't..."
"Alright. Do as you want, I promise I won't judge you again." Jun patted my shoulder with a sad smile and left.
I put my chin on my hands, thinking about Jun's words. He was right, I knew it but it was easy to speak but not to change. I was living through this memory and my past for ten years, sadness and pain eating my heart slowly. I knew I couldn't stay like that anymore but how could I change? And mostly, did I want to change?
Sighing, I grabbed my stuff and left my office.
"Sho?" My mother blinked when she saw me.
"Hello mom, I... Can I come in?"
"Of course dear." She kissed my cheek and opened the door. "Your father isn't here."
"I just wanted to come. I... I need to think a bit." I clawed my nose, trying to breathe. Everything in this house reminded me of my past and this horrible pain.
"Are you all right dear?"
"I... Yes. Just remembering some memories." I smiled.
"Sho, you know I'm here if you need to talk. I know this story destroyed you but you have to understand, we did it for you." My mother said softly.
"Yeah, you just broke me in thousand pieces that's all." I laughed sarcastically.
"Stop being selfish, Sho!" My mother snapped.
"What?! Selfish?! Don't you think papa and you were the one who were selfish just because of your honor?!" I replied coldly.
"But you were wrong, we couldn't allow your behavior."
"Yes. It was easier to destroy my life and make me want to die." I smirked.
"Sho..."
"I want to be alone." I cut her off, climbing the stairs.
I slammed the door of my old bedroom behind me, finding the scent of this room again. Nothing had changed. Everything was at the same place. Everything looked perfect like always. The perfect bedroom of the perfect boy of the perfect son of the perfect Sakurai.
I took the box hidden under my bed and opened it. Taking the pictures and the small necklace in my hand, a tear started to roll down my cheek. These memories... It was still so painful.
Why couldn't I go back to this day? Why couldn't I change what had destroyed me ten years ago and was still haunting me?
Crying, I stroked the picture with my thumb. Yes, I died that day...
To be continued...
A/N: So, our Shoko's brain is full of questions and doubts xD poor Nade gatta, maybe Aiba will help him to clear is mind ;) see you soon and comments are <3
Author: MatsuAurore
Beta: Andreja1989 <3
Pairing: Sakuraiba, Juntoshi
Genre: Au, drama, romance, angst, BDSM (hints)
Rating: R for this part
Disclaimer: Only own the plot T.T but luckily, Sho owns Aiba xD
Summary: Sho is perfect. Smart, kind, patient, handsome with a high job and will soon get married with the girl of his dreams. His life is a long and annoying straight line. But what he didn't expect was his meeting with Aiba, a mysterious and gorgeous man who will change his view of the life and will bring lots of questions about himself.
Chapter 2: Questions
"Maybe I could help you to forget." Aiba whispered in my ear, grabbing my belt to press our bodies together. I moaned a bit when I felt his hard length pressing against mine. It felt so good and I started to panic.
"Sorry but there is a misunderstanding, I'm not gay." I protested.
"I see and that's why I can feel your hard dick against my thigh, because you aren't gay?" Aiba chuckled in my ear.
"I... I think I drank too much, sorry." I pushed him away and left quickly, ignoring Jun's calls.
"I thought it would have worked." Jun mumbled.
"Jun, he said he doesn't like men, why don't you give up?" Aiba sighed.
"Because I know he isn't happy with this boring life."
"But it's none of your business, why don't you let him make his own choices?"
"I..." Jun stopped for some seconds, thinking about Aiba's words. "Maybe you're right, maybe I should respect his choices even if he isn't really happy with Yuki."
"I think it would be a good decision." Aiba smiled.
I took my shoes off as silently as possible. I looked at the clock. 1 a.m. I never came back so late in my whole life... except when I... I shook my head, trying to erase this painful memory. Jun was right after all, it happened
fifteen years ago and I had to move on but how could I forget?
"Sho?" Yuki yawned when I climbed on the bed.
"Sorry, I didn't want to wake you up." I apologized, pecking her lips.
"You drank?!"
"A bit." I whispered.
"I see. Good night." Yuki said coldly and turned her back toward me. I sighed, laying my head down on the pillow. I went too far, I guess.
****
The next morning, I left earlier not to face Yuki. I couldn't confront her disappointed eyes. In the afternoon, Jun stormed in my office angrily. "What did you do yesterday night?!" Jun asked coldly.
"I... Sorry, but I couldn't stay, Yuki was waiting for me." I lowered my face.
"Again. You are doing it again..." Jun sighed, clawing his nose.
"What?"
"Planning everything, holding back your feelings, following Yuki's rules! Why doesn't she let you have some time for only your friends and you?! Why do you always have to worry she would be disappointed if you came back drunk or spent time outside without her?! She is gagging you, Sho! You already look like a 70 years old man!"
"That's all?" I asked coldly.
"Sho, I..."
"I thought as my best friend you would have never judged me and would have respected my choices. I've never judged your life while you are gay and in BDSM. Never. I never told you it was sick to like that because I respect you and your happiness is my first priority!"
"But you are not happy, Sho!"
"Oh, you are in my head, now. You know better than me what is good for me?!" I snapped.
"No but..."
"Get out!"
"Sho, I'm sorry, I..."
"Get out now, Jun or I'll say things I don't mean!" Jun lowered his head and left with sadness. I knew he wanted the best for me but I was angry he didn't understand my choices. Sighing, I put my head on my arms, closing my eyes. I thought about Aiba. Yesterday night was fun and Aiba was a kind man but... I stood up and left my office. I needed to forget all this mess!
I walked to a bar and sat down on a chair. What could I choose? A beer or a coffee?
"Sakurai-san?!" A voice cut my thoughts off and I raised my eyes, blinking when I saw a smiling (and sexy) Aiba.
"Aiba-san!" I exclaimed, very surprised.
"How are you?"
"Well. And you? What are you doing here?"
"I own this bar." Aiba sat next to me, holding me out a card.
Aiba Masaki
Rakuen's bar
"Eh?! But it's..."
"Yes. The Rakuen's club is mine too." Aiba smiled.
"But yesterday you weren't working..."
"No. My best friend is working in Rakuen's club when I don't."
"I see."
"So, would you like a cocktail, I can make you one that will please you." Aiba grinned, making me gulp when I saw this wonderful smile again.
"But it is only 6 p.m." I protested.
"I won't put lots of alcohol, don't worry." Aiba chuckled, standing up to join the counter. I followed him, staring at his butt. Fuck, he had a very cute butt.
"So, you own a bar and a night club, isn't it exhausting?" I asked, crossing my arms on the counter.
"Hmm, a bit but Kazu is often here to help me, so, it's okay." Aiba smiled after some seconds. I looked at him while he was preparing my drink, making professional (and also hot) movements. His concentrated face made him so adorable and I noted he also had beautiful hands with long fingers.
"And, how come you like to do this work?" I finally asked, stopping my contemplation.
"I don't know. I... I like to make people happy. When men or women come in my bar because they had a tough day, I want to make them smile with my drinks and the mood in my club. And I also love dancing and music." Aiba chuckled.
"You don't sleep much, I guess."
"No but... I love my life. Not a single day is the same as previous ones. I meet lots of people, sometimes for one night, sometimes for more. My life isn't bored and I like not to plan anything."
"We are very different. I need to plan everything, to know what I'll do the next day, not to have any bad surprises."
"I see. But you know, life can bring you good surprises." Aiba whispered, approaching his face toward me. We stared at each other for a moment. I was hypnotized. His deep brown eyes were hypnotizing. "When you don't know what will happen tomorrow, you can imagine everything. You can decide what you want. Is it really a bad thing to live carefree? I mean, when we met, it wasn't planned and now, you are here, we are talking about our lives, we are spending a good time and nothing was planned. Is it really bad?" Aiba asked softly.
"I... No, I guess." I whispered, a bit surprised in front of this honesty.
"I understand your need to plan everything but the question is: are you really happy? Does your life really satisfy you?"
"I don't know. I wasn't like that before but things aren't like we want it to be and I changed. I think I'm scared to lose control of my life." I sighed.
"What is your work?"
"I'm a lawyer."
"So cool! You must be very smart."
"Not really." I blushed.
"Why don't you try to let it go?"
"I..."
"Did you ever do something crazy in your life?"
"What do you mean?" I frowned.
"I don't know. Have you ever done something you never said to your family or your best friend because it was crazy?" Aiba asked seriously.
"I... No... I don't think so..." I lied, blushing and lowering my head.
"I did it several times." Aiba chuckled.
"What did you do?"
"Secret." Aiba winked, making me pout.
"Tell me, please!"
"Hmm, ok but only one thing. Once, I tried BDSM."
"Eh?!" I exclaimed, shocked.
"Yes. My ex-boyfriend was a master and I tried."
"Did you like it?"
"Yes." Aiba stopped, thinking a moment. "I wasn't in hard BDSM, my master was soft. I never said it to someone else than Kazu."
"And now, you want to... again?"
"BDSM? I don't know. It depends of the person but to be honest, I like to be dominated in bed. Not too much but I like it when my boyfriend takes the control and leads everything." Aiba blushed a bit staring at the glass in his hands.
"I see." I liked his vision. I also liked to take a full control in bed but Yuki never liked it.
"Even if I don't do BDSM anymore I want to be dominated, at least, in bed. I like pain too."
"You mean... To be hit and cut?"
"It depends. I told you I'm in soft, hard isn't for me."
"I like to dominate." I said without thinking, alcohol wining my blood.
"Really?"
"Yes. Yuki, my girlfriend, never agreed but I know I like it. To lead everything, to take control." I chuckled.
"Why are you already taken?!" Aiba sighed desperately.
"Sorry." I whispered.
"Maybe you could one time in your life, make something crazy, something you won't tell anybody." Aiba smiled.
"I..." I stopped. "What do you mean?"
"Look, Sho-chan, you are kind and gorgeous. I like you and I know you like me, so, why don't we spend some time together. Nobody will know." Aiba whispered in my ear, sending shivers in my whole body.
"I... Sorry, I'm not gay... I think I drank too much, I should leave now." I quickly stood up and ran away, my heart beating furiously as Aiba's words were resounding in my mind.
I slammed the door of my apartment behind me. I couldn't put a word on what just happened, I couldn't even think straight.
"You only drank too much, Sho." I mumbled.
After a long shower, I put my pajamas on and laid down on my bed next to Yuki though, she didn't react when I hugged her from behind.
I woke up with a big headache, I really wasn't good with alcohol. After a shower and a coffee, I left my apartment for a new day at Sakumoto&associates.
"Sho?" I heard Jun calling my name shyly.
"Hun?" I hummed without raising my head, staring at the papers on my desk.
"Please, can we talk."
"Don't want to." I muttered.
"Please. Listen, I'm sorry for last time, I just... You're my best friend and I want your happiness and Aiba is a wonderful man."
"I know." I sighed, taking my glasses off. "I know you wanted but I'm happy the way I am."
"In that case, why did you change? You weren't like that before..."
"Jun!" I cut him off.
"Sorry." Jun apologized, knowing I couldn't hear this name even after all these years.
"I... I know I'm not the friend I was used to be ten years ago but... I can't move on... I can't forget..." I sighed, my hand traveling in my hair.
"But it made you change completely, Sho. You aren't like that, even with Yuki, you are... soft... sappy..."
"I... What do you want to hear?! That I will leave her, that I will return my old self and will live like before?!"
"Yes. I would like to. Be honest, Sho. You like Aiba, it's obvious, why don't you try, why don't you let go again?!"
"I'm scared. It destroyed my life, it stole me everything I had, I can't..."
"Alright. Do as you want, I promise I won't judge you again." Jun patted my shoulder with a sad smile and left.
I put my chin on my hands, thinking about Jun's words. He was right, I knew it but it was easy to speak but not to change. I was living through this memory and my past for ten years, sadness and pain eating my heart slowly. I knew I couldn't stay like that anymore but how could I change? And mostly, did I want to change?
Sighing, I grabbed my stuff and left my office.
"Sho?" My mother blinked when she saw me.
"Hello mom, I... Can I come in?"
"Of course dear." She kissed my cheek and opened the door. "Your father isn't here."
"I just wanted to come. I... I need to think a bit." I clawed my nose, trying to breathe. Everything in this house reminded me of my past and this horrible pain.
"Are you all right dear?"
"I... Yes. Just remembering some memories." I smiled.
"Sho, you know I'm here if you need to talk. I know this story destroyed you but you have to understand, we did it for you." My mother said softly.
"Yeah, you just broke me in thousand pieces that's all." I laughed sarcastically.
"Stop being selfish, Sho!" My mother snapped.
"What?! Selfish?! Don't you think papa and you were the one who were selfish just because of your honor?!" I replied coldly.
"But you were wrong, we couldn't allow your behavior."
"Yes. It was easier to destroy my life and make me want to die." I smirked.
"Sho..."
"I want to be alone." I cut her off, climbing the stairs.
I slammed the door of my old bedroom behind me, finding the scent of this room again. Nothing had changed. Everything was at the same place. Everything looked perfect like always. The perfect bedroom of the perfect boy of the perfect son of the perfect Sakurai.
I took the box hidden under my bed and opened it. Taking the pictures and the small necklace in my hand, a tear started to roll down my cheek. These memories... It was still so painful.
Why couldn't I go back to this day? Why couldn't I change what had destroyed me ten years ago and was still haunting me?
Crying, I stroked the picture with my thumb. Yes, I died that day...
To be continued...
A/N: So, our Shoko's brain is full of questions and doubts xD poor Nade gatta, maybe Aiba will help him to clear is mind ;) see you soon and comments are <3