Breaking chains (16/16)
Title: Breaking chains
Author: MatsuAurore
Pairings: Sakumoto, Ohmiya, Junba
Genre: Au, drama, romance, angst
Rating: R
Disclaimer: If I owned Sakumoto they would already be tied up on my bed xD
Summary: I was 18 years old the first time I met him. I was a student, he was my teacher. Our relationship was forbidden but it didn't stop us to fall in love. But what I hadn't planned was the dark part of his life that would make me feel alive and free but at the same time, would tie me up to a dangerous relationship.
A/N: Jun and Aiba are 18 years old, Sho is 30 in this story.
Final chapter:
"Nothing." Aiba said innocently.
"Masa, I know you, you never act like that! What's your problem with Toma?"
"Sorry. It's just... You belong to Sho."
"What?! I don't belong to anyone! And I'm with Toma!"
"But Sho and you are made to be together. He loves you so much, why don't you go back to him?" Aiba implored.
"Since when you care about him?" I frowned.
"Since he became my friend. I'm working with him when I help Hiro at school and Sho-chan is kind."
"I'm happy you like him but it's none of your business, Masaki. We broke up four years ago and won't go back together."
"But he..."
"Masaki!!" I snapped. "If you are my friend and love me, respect my decisions."
"Alright but you are making a big mistake. Toma looks kind but you were so happy when you were dating Sho."
"It was before. And I'm happy with Toma." I sighed.
"Okay." Masaki pouted and I chuckled and kissed his temple.
We joined our boyfriends and sat together to talk. Hiroshi was someone very kind and it was obvious he loved Masa with all his heart at the way he was kissing him and telling him sweet words. To be honest, I felt jealous. Jealous of their perfect couple, jealous of their complicity and mostly jealous of their honesty. I really loved Toma but... There had always been something wrong between us. As if I was trying to be someone else. As if I was doing everything to keep him and not to let him leave me. I needed him but I wondered if it wasn't just because I wouldn't bear being alone again. Toma was there when I was reaching a point in my life where I just wanted to die than living without Sho. He was the only one who understood me and made me smile. He didn't deserve to suffer because of my selfishness. But was it better to try to convince myself that he was the one I needed by my side?
"And what do you do in life?" I asked, stopping these dark thoughts and smiling to Hiroshi.
"I'm teaching the piano."
"We met because I wanted to learn." Aiba chuckled.
"You?" I blinked, surprised.
"Yes. I wanted to try but I gave up two weeks later as Hiro was more interesting than the keyboard." Aiba smiled, linking his fingers with his lover's.
"You were so cute." Hiroshi chuckled, pecking his lover's lips.
"And you so sexy when you were playing."
"Are you living together?"
"Yes." Aiba nodded happily.
"It was quick." I stated.
"Yes but I knew from the beginning he would be the good one." Hiroshi smiled. "And he was so cute trying to seduce me discreetly."
"Oi!" Aiba protested with a laugh.
"Masaki is so obvious and doesn't know how to read the mood."
"Yes but he is so himself and always spreads joy around him."
"True." I chuckled. "So, you are happy?" I asked.
"More than anything." Aiba smiled brightly, his lover hugging him from behind.
"I'm happy, then."
"Have you seen Sho-chan?" I frowned. Oh no, Masaki, don't start again with your questions. It won't work.
"Yes. We talked a bit and I left."
"I remember the first time we met him at school, we were drooling over him." Aiba chuckled. I blushed, feeling uncomfortable as Toma was tensing next to me.
"I guess."
"But you were the one who caught his attention. He looked so obsessed by you and I've never seen you smiling as often as when you were when you were dating."
"Masa..." I groaned.
"And you lost your virginity with him!"
"Sorry, I need another beer." Toma stood up and left us.
"Are you proud of you?!" I yelled and followed my lover who was against the counter. "Toma..."
"He hates me." My lover whispered sadly. "One of the most precious persons of your life hates me."
"Masaki likes everybody and he doesn't hate you. He just..."
"He just wants you to be with Sho." Toma sighed.
"It's because he doesn't know you."
"But he doesn't approve us. Jun, I know I told you I would stay but..."
"Shut up!" I snapped. "I don't want to hear the end of your sentence. I don't care if Masaki wants me with Sho because it won't happen and he has to accept that!"
"Jun, why don't you go back to Sho?"
"Because it's over with him. It's too late, I left him four years ago and there is nothing between us anymore." Toma chuckled and stroked my cheek with a tender smile.
"It's funny because you can lie to yourself but not to the others, Jun. You're an amazing person, I've been very happy with you and don't regret anything even if I was a substitute to Sho. But you've said everything."
"I don't understand." I frowned.
"I've asked you why you didn't go back to Sho and you haven't said it was because you love me." Toma smiled.
"I..." Shit. He was right.
"Don't justify yourself. It's amazing what you two share. It's rare to have a love as strong and deep as this one. Don't spoil it. Go back to him and be happy."
"Toma..."
"I told you I've been very happy with you. You'll always have a special place in my heart and if one day you come in France, don't hesitate to come to see me. I'll be very happy to spend some time with you as a friend."
"But I love you." I said with a broken voice.
"You love the Toma who was able to heal your heart a bit and make you forget Sho for some hours. You love me like a precious friend but not like a lover. Stop lying to yourself, Jun because it will destroy your life. Whatever happened four years ago, talk with Sho and be happy with him. You deserve it after what you went through with your father."
"I really love you." I whispered, wrapping my arms around his neck.
"Not enough compared to the love you have for him. But I'm not angry, I understand and Sho is very lucky to be loved like that." Toma stroked my cheek with sadness, holding back his tears and I caught his lips. This kiss was different. It was the most amazing we had ever shared. I put all the love I had for him in this kiss. To show him how grateful I was and how much he was important to me. When we broke apart, we were both crying and I buried my face in his neck, not wanting to let him go.
"And if Sho rejects you or makes you cry, I'll come back to kick his ass." We laughed together at these words.
"Thank you for everything, Toma. I'll come back in France to see you."
"I hope so. And at this moment, I'll be with a boyfriend better than you." Toma smirked.
"Baka."
"Sayounara, Jun." Toma kissed my lips before releasing me.
"Toma!" I called before he left the club.
"Yes?"
"Sois heureux!" I screamed.
"Toi aussi!" Toma smiled.
Why was it so painful if I really loved him like a brother?
When I joined my friend, Sho was here and Aiba was looking at me with lost eyes. My ex stared at me with sad and angry eyes as if he wanted to kidnap me right now. Even if I had lost Toma, I wouldn't go back to him because it would be wrong. I wasn't the same person than four years ago. I wasn't the Jun that he loved before. I was different. And I was ugly.
"What happened?"
"Nothing." I sighed. "I need some air, excuse me." I grabbed my glass and swallowed it in one go before leaving them.
I took a cigarette and lightened it, taking a big puff while looking at the dark sky. I felt so bad because of what I did to Toma. And it was the proof I really loved him. If it hadn't been the case, I wouldn't have cared about him. But now, I just wanted to hide in a hole and disappear forever. Because I just knew how to hurt the precious persons in my eyes.
"Good night?" I jumped and turned my head to see Sho smiling softly.
"I've had better." I said coldly.
"What's wrong?"
"My boyfriend has broken up with me." I muttered between two puffs.
"I'm sorry." Sho said softly.
"Me too. Almost four years with him, I can't believe it's over." I sighed. "The worst is I really loved him. He helped me so much to forget you." I chuckled sarcastically, blowing the smoke.
"At least, you, you had someone to make you forget." Sho replied coldly. Well, if he said so. I didn't know what the best was in this case. Been alone in your pain or living in a fake happiness and hurting someone important for you.
"But I've hurt this person."
"You shouldn't smoke, Jun." Sho took my cigarette and threw it away.
"How do you dare?! You're neither my mother nor my boyfriend, I do what I want!" I snapped.
"It's bad for your health."
"As if you cared about it! I'm not your slave anymore, I can do what I want." I replied before regretting it when I saw his hurt eyes. I didn't want to hurt him more. Not after what I did to him. "Sorry." I mumbled.
"No, you're right. But I still care about you as a friend." Sho whispered.
"You don't have to. We aren't even friends." Friends? Let me laugh. Who would agree to be friend with the love of his life? Not me. I would prefer him to hate me than having to act like a kind friend with him. How would it end? With him and another man talking about their sex life or projects? Talking about a life I should live with him?
"Why are you acting like that, Jun?" Sho groaned.
"Because I've fucking tried to forget you for 4 years and you're spoiling everything by saying you want us to be friend! Are you stupid?!" I yelled.
"You've changed so much. Where does the sweet and shy Jun I knew is?" Sho whispered sadly.
"He disappeared four years ago." I replied, looking away. See, Sho, it was the new me. It was the real and disgusting Jun that I was today.
"Why?"
"Because..." I stopped, looking away. "I don't want to talk about it."
"Jun, please, stop running away anytime you have to confront your mistakes!" Sho snapped, grabbing my wrist.
"My mistakes?!" I yelled. "It was also your fault if my father found us!" I hated myself for saying that. It wasn't his fault at all. Never. It was all mine.
"I know it but it doesn't change the fact it was you who broke up with me!" Sho snapped.
"I hadn't the choice!"
"Why?! You told me so horrible things, you told me you didn't love me and hated what I was doing to you! How can you say you hadn't the choice when you just used me to fuck!"
I slapped his cheek roughly for our surprise. It was the first time I was hitting someone and mostly Sho. I looked at my hand with shock.
"I've never used you. Never. But sometimes, things aren't like we want it to be and you have to make choices." I whispered sadly. "I've just chosen my mother over you. And now, it's too late."
"Why?! Tell me, why, Jun! I want to understand, I can't move on since the day you told me I just had hurt you!" The despair in his eyes and his voice broke me. Sho was someone so strong who didn't show his feelings a lot but right now, I could see all the pain I was trying to avoid for four years. Even if I had my reasons and couldn't regret it, I ran away.
"I... I can't... I don't want to remember." I shook my head, tears rolling down my cheek.
"You owe me an explanation!"
"Even if I told you, it's over between us!"
"Then, why are you still wearing my necklace?!" I looked at Sho with sadness, not knowing what to say. "What does the reason you kept it all this time, is?!"
"I..." I bit my lip, lowering my wet eyes.
"Jun, please. I'm becoming crazy." Sho lifted my face, his hand on my cheek. "I want to know. Why. What did I do to hurt you like that and make you want to leave Japan?" Nothing. You did nothing. You just gave me everything. You gave me your heart and I destroyed it.
"It wasn't your fault." I whispered.
"Tell me, Jun, please. Tell me." Sho implored, stroking my cheek softly.
I inhaled deeply, trying to hold on as memories were coming back. I had tried to erase it for four years and was afraid of becoming crazy if I told him the pain I felt this day. I had tried to ignored all the nightmares that haunted me every night anytime I was closing my eyes. I still could feel the hits, I could feel the blood on my tongue and the cries.
"When my father discovered us, he forbade me to stay with you. Of course, I lied to him and agreed, following his orders. He forbade me to continue my lessons with Nino and also said I would go to Keio. As you know, the next day, you made love to me in the classroom."
"Hun."
"When I came back home after, my father was waiting for me. He knew everything because he had sent someone to watch me. I..." I closed my eyes, tears rolling down my cheeks.
"Take your time." Sho said softly, stroking my hair.
"He hit me. A lot. And hard. He told me horrible things and hit me with his foot and his fists. I couldn't even feel the pain in my chest because I was almost fainting."
"It's why you looked so pale and weak when you broke up?"
"Yes. Two weeks weren't enough to heal completely. This day, my mother tried to stop him. And instead of hitting me, he hit her. Pretty badly. She was bleeding so much." My voice broke. "I tried to protect her but he was stronger and I was scared. That's why I made a deal with my father. I would go to France in my uncle's family to study in a French university. I had to break up with you and never see you again. But I knew you wouldn't accept to break up and the only way I could convince you was telling you these horrible things. I'm so sorry for having hurting you like that, you didn't deserve it and I never meant any of these words. Sorry, for hurting you like that. I wish I could have found a better solution but I had to protect her. I would have survived if my father had thrown me out of the house but not my mother. She had always been here for us, she liked you and helped me to hide our relationship. I love her so much, that's why I chose her. I could have said no but he was so violent with her that I was scared he would continue to hit her if I stayed. The best choice or at least, the more sure, was to leave. Without me at home, he wouldn't have any reason to hurt her. I was the only reason of her suffering. If I could have found a better solution, I would have never left you. Even if my father had disowned me."
"You don't need to apologize, Jun, I would have done the same. I'm sorry for doubting of you." Sho hugged me tightly, allowing me to cry loudly.
"I'm so sorry. I didn't want our relationship to end like that. You never hurt me. I wasn't used to some points of our couple but I loved what you did to me. Because despite your cold and rough side, you always was careful to make me happy and to be sure I was the one who enjoyed the most. It's why I never took my necklace off. Because I will always be yours even if I have other boyfriends. I'll always belong to you because I never felt more alive and free than with you."
"Jun..." Sho cupped my face and kissed me. I blinked, surprised by this act. What was he doing? But I closed my eyes anyway and kissed him back with force. I felt so good feeling his lips on mine after all these years. I moaned loudly as he pressed me more against him and I felt his hard length against my leg. "Stop." I finally pulled away softly.
"What's wrong?" Sho frowned.
"It's not a good idea."
"Eh?"
"I have to go." I looked away but Sho grabbed my wrist.
"Are you serious?!"
"We can't repair what happened, Sho."
"We can start again."
"It's too late. It would be weird to start again after what happened."
"We can! If we both want it, we can! I can't stand seeing you with someone else, Jun! When I saw this Toma kissing and touching you in the bar, I thought I would kill him! Don't do that! Don't break everything again. Not now when we can be together officially. Please, Jun." Sho implored.
"I'm not the Jun you knew four years ago! I've changed! You'll just hate me if we date again!" I yelled.
"Bullshit, you are the same! You're just scared!"
"No. I'm not."
"Why?! What has changed?!"
"I'm not the kind submit boy you knew. I've grown up, I can't give you what you want to have!"
"Are you talking about the BDSM?"
"I... After what I went through, I can't be the perfect slave you want me to be. I won't kneel down in front of you nor obey you when you order me not to kiss you or hug you. I need more than that, now. We are too different. People change, I've changed and we have to take different ways even if it's painful."
"Then, we don't have to be in BDSM." Sho stated.
"What..." I gasped, shocked.
"If it's the only way to have you, we won't do BDSM."
"Sho, it's something you love, it's your style of life, I can't do that to you." I protested.
"Being in BDSM and not having you is something I can't accept. Before I met you I needed it but today, I prefer to stop that than losing you. Because you're more important than being a master! If you reject me, Jun, you'll hurt me more than refusing to practice BDSM with me."
"I..." I looked down, not knowing what to say. Soon, two arms wrapped my body and my face was pressed against a strong and protective chest. I could hear and feel his quick heart beating. I could feel his love wrapping me.
"Don't push me away again. Please, Jun. I've never been so honest with someone nor showed my feelings like I did with you. You make me more human. I don't care if you have changed, I know the real Jun and I love him. I know the shy Jun behind the pictures of the magazines and the screen. I know you more than anyone else and I love your qualities like your flaws. Hating you is just something impossible for me." I sobbed against his chest, my hands gripping his shirt tightly.
"I don't want you to hate me. Not you." I whispered.
"I will never hate you. Never." Sho smiled.
"Even if I don't want to do BDSM?"
"Yes. You're more important than that and we can still practice SM in bed." Sho smirked.
"Pervert." I slapped his arm with a smile.
"Come on, Masaki and Hiro are waiting for us." Sho wrapped my waist to lead me inside but I stopped him. He was right, I was scared. I was as scared as a little mouse leaving its mother. "Jun?"
"I...." I bit my lip. If I agreed to follow him, everything would start again. Was I ready for that?
"Do you still love me?" I blinked, not expecting this kind of question.
"Yes." No need to lie, it was the truth.
"Then, don't be afraid." Sho smiled and wrapped my neck with his hand pulled me against him. I spread my arms around his neck, burying my face in his neck, enjoying his warmth.
"I don't know if we will be..."
"We will be fine." Sho cut me off.
"Okay." Sho cupped my face to kiss me softly before we decided to enter the club.
"Jun, I'm so sorry!" Aiba cried when we arrived at our table and hugged me.
"It's okay."
"No! I've been very egoist, I'm so sorry, I'm a horrible friend!"
"At least, it wasn't useless." I patted his head with a smile.
"Eh?"
"Well, Sho and I..." I blushed and Sho kissed my temple.
"You're together again?! Yatta!!!!!" Aiba screamed happily.
"It was pretty hard to convince a stubborn princess like him but I won in the end." Sho smirked while sitting and pulling me on his lap.
"Oi!" I protested.
"Don't worry, you're the most beautiful princess in the world." Sho turned my face to kiss me deeply. God, I had missed that so bad!
"Stop it, you'll fuck later!" Masaki whined.
"Shut up!" I groaned before coming back to my favorite lips. Sho chuckled but kissed me back, his hand lost in my hair, the second holding my waist.
"Live with me." Sho whispered.
"It's too early." I smiled.
"We know each other for 5 years, I think it's the good moment."
"Okay." I nodded, burying my face in his neck. If he said so, no need to think too much about it.
I decided to live with Sho one month later after lots of dates and moments together. I wanted to be sure and to know he was sure he wanted to forget BDSM for me. We didn't make love, we wanted to wait for the good moment. I bought an apartment for my mother with my savings and found a role in a movie very quickly. My carreer would go well now. My father didn't try anything but I still watched over my mother to protect her as much as possible from him. She met someone and was working in a conbini not to let me pay everything.
Living with Sho was like I thought before we broke up. We fitted each other perfectly despite our strong characters. It often turned into fights but always ended in bed. Sho was just incredible and even allowed me to top but to be honest, I preferred to feel him inside me. So, despite my pride, I agreed to let him dominate me when we fucked and believe me, it happened a lot with this horny pervert. We loved to talk a lot about everything and couldn't stay at home more than a few hours, that's why we chose to do many things like traveling, doing sport together or other things. Sho was at the same time my lover and my best friend. I told him everything or almost everything and trusted him more than anyone else. Masaki and Hiroshi were more and more in love with time and I really liked this sexy teacher who made my best friend the happiest man in the world. Just after me of course. After all these ordeals, we were finally living peacefully and happy. My world was complete and my heart wasn't aching anymore.
"Come here immediately!" Sho snapped, catching my waist.
"Sho..." I giggled.
"You're just a slut! How did you dare flirting with this bastard?!"
"I do what I want." I smirked.
"Oh no you don't! I'm going to make you remember who the boss is here." Sho threw me on the bed and grabbed a pair of handcuffs.
"Sho..." I shook in fear.
"I'm going to punish you hard, baby." My eyes widened when I saw the god in his hand and the gag ball in the other. Fuck, I was in a big shit this time.
"Please, Sho." I tried to seduce him but my lover just smiled evilly. Shit, I wouldn't be able to sit tomorrow...
"Like this beautiful necklace and this amazing tattoo above your perfect ass, say, you're mine! You're going to pay for smiling to this guy." Sho snapped, climbing on me with a sadist smile.
Well, stopping BDSM didn't mean I could stop the big sadist and pervert that my boyfriend was. But I didn't complain. In fact, I loved when he dominated me in bed.
"Because he was so cute and had a big cock." I smirked.
"What?! You looked at his cock?!" Sho yelled.
"I wanted to check if it could give me more pleasure than yours." I smiled.
"You're going to remember that only my big dick can satisfy you!" Sho smirked, entering me without any preparations and making me scream.
Yes, I really loved this pervert sadist more than anything.
Owari ;)
A/N: This is the end T.T I always feel sad when a story ends but at the same time, I'm happy xD This fic didn't completely turn like I wanted. Sho and Jun were meant to live separated longer and with more suffering but it would have been too long in the end and I really wrote a sappy end xD I hope you enjoyed this story, it was very special to write BDSM with our Sakumoto as they both have strong characters but I think in bed, Sho would always win and dominate Jun despite our diva's stubbornness and sadism xD Jun is only meant to dominate Sho when it's not in the bedroom xD
As I'm currently writing a Sakuraiba, I won't post my new Sakumoto now but it will be soon ;)
Author: MatsuAurore
Pairings: Sakumoto, Ohmiya, Junba
Genre: Au, drama, romance, angst
Rating: R
Disclaimer: If I owned Sakumoto they would already be tied up on my bed xD
Summary: I was 18 years old the first time I met him. I was a student, he was my teacher. Our relationship was forbidden but it didn't stop us to fall in love. But what I hadn't planned was the dark part of his life that would make me feel alive and free but at the same time, would tie me up to a dangerous relationship.
A/N: Jun and Aiba are 18 years old, Sho is 30 in this story.
Final chapter:
"Nothing." Aiba said innocently.
"Masa, I know you, you never act like that! What's your problem with Toma?"
"Sorry. It's just... You belong to Sho."
"What?! I don't belong to anyone! And I'm with Toma!"
"But Sho and you are made to be together. He loves you so much, why don't you go back to him?" Aiba implored.
"Since when you care about him?" I frowned.
"Since he became my friend. I'm working with him when I help Hiro at school and Sho-chan is kind."
"I'm happy you like him but it's none of your business, Masaki. We broke up four years ago and won't go back together."
"But he..."
"Masaki!!" I snapped. "If you are my friend and love me, respect my decisions."
"Alright but you are making a big mistake. Toma looks kind but you were so happy when you were dating Sho."
"It was before. And I'm happy with Toma." I sighed.
"Okay." Masaki pouted and I chuckled and kissed his temple.
We joined our boyfriends and sat together to talk. Hiroshi was someone very kind and it was obvious he loved Masa with all his heart at the way he was kissing him and telling him sweet words. To be honest, I felt jealous. Jealous of their perfect couple, jealous of their complicity and mostly jealous of their honesty. I really loved Toma but... There had always been something wrong between us. As if I was trying to be someone else. As if I was doing everything to keep him and not to let him leave me. I needed him but I wondered if it wasn't just because I wouldn't bear being alone again. Toma was there when I was reaching a point in my life where I just wanted to die than living without Sho. He was the only one who understood me and made me smile. He didn't deserve to suffer because of my selfishness. But was it better to try to convince myself that he was the one I needed by my side?
"And what do you do in life?" I asked, stopping these dark thoughts and smiling to Hiroshi.
"I'm teaching the piano."
"We met because I wanted to learn." Aiba chuckled.
"You?" I blinked, surprised.
"Yes. I wanted to try but I gave up two weeks later as Hiro was more interesting than the keyboard." Aiba smiled, linking his fingers with his lover's.
"You were so cute." Hiroshi chuckled, pecking his lover's lips.
"And you so sexy when you were playing."
"Are you living together?"
"Yes." Aiba nodded happily.
"It was quick." I stated.
"Yes but I knew from the beginning he would be the good one." Hiroshi smiled. "And he was so cute trying to seduce me discreetly."
"Oi!" Aiba protested with a laugh.
"Masaki is so obvious and doesn't know how to read the mood."
"Yes but he is so himself and always spreads joy around him."
"True." I chuckled. "So, you are happy?" I asked.
"More than anything." Aiba smiled brightly, his lover hugging him from behind.
"I'm happy, then."
"Have you seen Sho-chan?" I frowned. Oh no, Masaki, don't start again with your questions. It won't work.
"Yes. We talked a bit and I left."
"I remember the first time we met him at school, we were drooling over him." Aiba chuckled. I blushed, feeling uncomfortable as Toma was tensing next to me.
"I guess."
"But you were the one who caught his attention. He looked so obsessed by you and I've never seen you smiling as often as when you were when you were dating."
"Masa..." I groaned.
"And you lost your virginity with him!"
"Sorry, I need another beer." Toma stood up and left us.
"Are you proud of you?!" I yelled and followed my lover who was against the counter. "Toma..."
"He hates me." My lover whispered sadly. "One of the most precious persons of your life hates me."
"Masaki likes everybody and he doesn't hate you. He just..."
"He just wants you to be with Sho." Toma sighed.
"It's because he doesn't know you."
"But he doesn't approve us. Jun, I know I told you I would stay but..."
"Shut up!" I snapped. "I don't want to hear the end of your sentence. I don't care if Masaki wants me with Sho because it won't happen and he has to accept that!"
"Jun, why don't you go back to Sho?"
"Because it's over with him. It's too late, I left him four years ago and there is nothing between us anymore." Toma chuckled and stroked my cheek with a tender smile.
"It's funny because you can lie to yourself but not to the others, Jun. You're an amazing person, I've been very happy with you and don't regret anything even if I was a substitute to Sho. But you've said everything."
"I don't understand." I frowned.
"I've asked you why you didn't go back to Sho and you haven't said it was because you love me." Toma smiled.
"I..." Shit. He was right.
"Don't justify yourself. It's amazing what you two share. It's rare to have a love as strong and deep as this one. Don't spoil it. Go back to him and be happy."
"Toma..."
"I told you I've been very happy with you. You'll always have a special place in my heart and if one day you come in France, don't hesitate to come to see me. I'll be very happy to spend some time with you as a friend."
"But I love you." I said with a broken voice.
"You love the Toma who was able to heal your heart a bit and make you forget Sho for some hours. You love me like a precious friend but not like a lover. Stop lying to yourself, Jun because it will destroy your life. Whatever happened four years ago, talk with Sho and be happy with him. You deserve it after what you went through with your father."
"I really love you." I whispered, wrapping my arms around his neck.
"Not enough compared to the love you have for him. But I'm not angry, I understand and Sho is very lucky to be loved like that." Toma stroked my cheek with sadness, holding back his tears and I caught his lips. This kiss was different. It was the most amazing we had ever shared. I put all the love I had for him in this kiss. To show him how grateful I was and how much he was important to me. When we broke apart, we were both crying and I buried my face in his neck, not wanting to let him go.
"And if Sho rejects you or makes you cry, I'll come back to kick his ass." We laughed together at these words.
"Thank you for everything, Toma. I'll come back in France to see you."
"I hope so. And at this moment, I'll be with a boyfriend better than you." Toma smirked.
"Baka."
"Sayounara, Jun." Toma kissed my lips before releasing me.
"Toma!" I called before he left the club.
"Yes?"
"Sois heureux!" I screamed.
"Toi aussi!" Toma smiled.
Why was it so painful if I really loved him like a brother?
When I joined my friend, Sho was here and Aiba was looking at me with lost eyes. My ex stared at me with sad and angry eyes as if he wanted to kidnap me right now. Even if I had lost Toma, I wouldn't go back to him because it would be wrong. I wasn't the same person than four years ago. I wasn't the Jun that he loved before. I was different. And I was ugly.
"What happened?"
"Nothing." I sighed. "I need some air, excuse me." I grabbed my glass and swallowed it in one go before leaving them.
I took a cigarette and lightened it, taking a big puff while looking at the dark sky. I felt so bad because of what I did to Toma. And it was the proof I really loved him. If it hadn't been the case, I wouldn't have cared about him. But now, I just wanted to hide in a hole and disappear forever. Because I just knew how to hurt the precious persons in my eyes.
"Good night?" I jumped and turned my head to see Sho smiling softly.
"I've had better." I said coldly.
"What's wrong?"
"My boyfriend has broken up with me." I muttered between two puffs.
"I'm sorry." Sho said softly.
"Me too. Almost four years with him, I can't believe it's over." I sighed. "The worst is I really loved him. He helped me so much to forget you." I chuckled sarcastically, blowing the smoke.
"At least, you, you had someone to make you forget." Sho replied coldly. Well, if he said so. I didn't know what the best was in this case. Been alone in your pain or living in a fake happiness and hurting someone important for you.
"But I've hurt this person."
"You shouldn't smoke, Jun." Sho took my cigarette and threw it away.
"How do you dare?! You're neither my mother nor my boyfriend, I do what I want!" I snapped.
"It's bad for your health."
"As if you cared about it! I'm not your slave anymore, I can do what I want." I replied before regretting it when I saw his hurt eyes. I didn't want to hurt him more. Not after what I did to him. "Sorry." I mumbled.
"No, you're right. But I still care about you as a friend." Sho whispered.
"You don't have to. We aren't even friends." Friends? Let me laugh. Who would agree to be friend with the love of his life? Not me. I would prefer him to hate me than having to act like a kind friend with him. How would it end? With him and another man talking about their sex life or projects? Talking about a life I should live with him?
"Why are you acting like that, Jun?" Sho groaned.
"Because I've fucking tried to forget you for 4 years and you're spoiling everything by saying you want us to be friend! Are you stupid?!" I yelled.
"You've changed so much. Where does the sweet and shy Jun I knew is?" Sho whispered sadly.
"He disappeared four years ago." I replied, looking away. See, Sho, it was the new me. It was the real and disgusting Jun that I was today.
"Why?"
"Because..." I stopped, looking away. "I don't want to talk about it."
"Jun, please, stop running away anytime you have to confront your mistakes!" Sho snapped, grabbing my wrist.
"My mistakes?!" I yelled. "It was also your fault if my father found us!" I hated myself for saying that. It wasn't his fault at all. Never. It was all mine.
"I know it but it doesn't change the fact it was you who broke up with me!" Sho snapped.
"I hadn't the choice!"
"Why?! You told me so horrible things, you told me you didn't love me and hated what I was doing to you! How can you say you hadn't the choice when you just used me to fuck!"
I slapped his cheek roughly for our surprise. It was the first time I was hitting someone and mostly Sho. I looked at my hand with shock.
"I've never used you. Never. But sometimes, things aren't like we want it to be and you have to make choices." I whispered sadly. "I've just chosen my mother over you. And now, it's too late."
"Why?! Tell me, why, Jun! I want to understand, I can't move on since the day you told me I just had hurt you!" The despair in his eyes and his voice broke me. Sho was someone so strong who didn't show his feelings a lot but right now, I could see all the pain I was trying to avoid for four years. Even if I had my reasons and couldn't regret it, I ran away.
"I... I can't... I don't want to remember." I shook my head, tears rolling down my cheek.
"You owe me an explanation!"
"Even if I told you, it's over between us!"
"Then, why are you still wearing my necklace?!" I looked at Sho with sadness, not knowing what to say. "What does the reason you kept it all this time, is?!"
"I..." I bit my lip, lowering my wet eyes.
"Jun, please. I'm becoming crazy." Sho lifted my face, his hand on my cheek. "I want to know. Why. What did I do to hurt you like that and make you want to leave Japan?" Nothing. You did nothing. You just gave me everything. You gave me your heart and I destroyed it.
"It wasn't your fault." I whispered.
"Tell me, Jun, please. Tell me." Sho implored, stroking my cheek softly.
I inhaled deeply, trying to hold on as memories were coming back. I had tried to erase it for four years and was afraid of becoming crazy if I told him the pain I felt this day. I had tried to ignored all the nightmares that haunted me every night anytime I was closing my eyes. I still could feel the hits, I could feel the blood on my tongue and the cries.
"When my father discovered us, he forbade me to stay with you. Of course, I lied to him and agreed, following his orders. He forbade me to continue my lessons with Nino and also said I would go to Keio. As you know, the next day, you made love to me in the classroom."
"Hun."
"When I came back home after, my father was waiting for me. He knew everything because he had sent someone to watch me. I..." I closed my eyes, tears rolling down my cheeks.
"Take your time." Sho said softly, stroking my hair.
"He hit me. A lot. And hard. He told me horrible things and hit me with his foot and his fists. I couldn't even feel the pain in my chest because I was almost fainting."
"It's why you looked so pale and weak when you broke up?"
"Yes. Two weeks weren't enough to heal completely. This day, my mother tried to stop him. And instead of hitting me, he hit her. Pretty badly. She was bleeding so much." My voice broke. "I tried to protect her but he was stronger and I was scared. That's why I made a deal with my father. I would go to France in my uncle's family to study in a French university. I had to break up with you and never see you again. But I knew you wouldn't accept to break up and the only way I could convince you was telling you these horrible things. I'm so sorry for having hurting you like that, you didn't deserve it and I never meant any of these words. Sorry, for hurting you like that. I wish I could have found a better solution but I had to protect her. I would have survived if my father had thrown me out of the house but not my mother. She had always been here for us, she liked you and helped me to hide our relationship. I love her so much, that's why I chose her. I could have said no but he was so violent with her that I was scared he would continue to hit her if I stayed. The best choice or at least, the more sure, was to leave. Without me at home, he wouldn't have any reason to hurt her. I was the only reason of her suffering. If I could have found a better solution, I would have never left you. Even if my father had disowned me."
"You don't need to apologize, Jun, I would have done the same. I'm sorry for doubting of you." Sho hugged me tightly, allowing me to cry loudly.
"I'm so sorry. I didn't want our relationship to end like that. You never hurt me. I wasn't used to some points of our couple but I loved what you did to me. Because despite your cold and rough side, you always was careful to make me happy and to be sure I was the one who enjoyed the most. It's why I never took my necklace off. Because I will always be yours even if I have other boyfriends. I'll always belong to you because I never felt more alive and free than with you."
"Jun..." Sho cupped my face and kissed me. I blinked, surprised by this act. What was he doing? But I closed my eyes anyway and kissed him back with force. I felt so good feeling his lips on mine after all these years. I moaned loudly as he pressed me more against him and I felt his hard length against my leg. "Stop." I finally pulled away softly.
"What's wrong?" Sho frowned.
"It's not a good idea."
"Eh?"
"I have to go." I looked away but Sho grabbed my wrist.
"Are you serious?!"
"We can't repair what happened, Sho."
"We can start again."
"It's too late. It would be weird to start again after what happened."
"We can! If we both want it, we can! I can't stand seeing you with someone else, Jun! When I saw this Toma kissing and touching you in the bar, I thought I would kill him! Don't do that! Don't break everything again. Not now when we can be together officially. Please, Jun." Sho implored.
"I'm not the Jun you knew four years ago! I've changed! You'll just hate me if we date again!" I yelled.
"Bullshit, you are the same! You're just scared!"
"No. I'm not."
"Why?! What has changed?!"
"I'm not the kind submit boy you knew. I've grown up, I can't give you what you want to have!"
"Are you talking about the BDSM?"
"I... After what I went through, I can't be the perfect slave you want me to be. I won't kneel down in front of you nor obey you when you order me not to kiss you or hug you. I need more than that, now. We are too different. People change, I've changed and we have to take different ways even if it's painful."
"Then, we don't have to be in BDSM." Sho stated.
"What..." I gasped, shocked.
"If it's the only way to have you, we won't do BDSM."
"Sho, it's something you love, it's your style of life, I can't do that to you." I protested.
"Being in BDSM and not having you is something I can't accept. Before I met you I needed it but today, I prefer to stop that than losing you. Because you're more important than being a master! If you reject me, Jun, you'll hurt me more than refusing to practice BDSM with me."
"I..." I looked down, not knowing what to say. Soon, two arms wrapped my body and my face was pressed against a strong and protective chest. I could hear and feel his quick heart beating. I could feel his love wrapping me.
"Don't push me away again. Please, Jun. I've never been so honest with someone nor showed my feelings like I did with you. You make me more human. I don't care if you have changed, I know the real Jun and I love him. I know the shy Jun behind the pictures of the magazines and the screen. I know you more than anyone else and I love your qualities like your flaws. Hating you is just something impossible for me." I sobbed against his chest, my hands gripping his shirt tightly.
"I don't want you to hate me. Not you." I whispered.
"I will never hate you. Never." Sho smiled.
"Even if I don't want to do BDSM?"
"Yes. You're more important than that and we can still practice SM in bed." Sho smirked.
"Pervert." I slapped his arm with a smile.
"Come on, Masaki and Hiro are waiting for us." Sho wrapped my waist to lead me inside but I stopped him. He was right, I was scared. I was as scared as a little mouse leaving its mother. "Jun?"
"I...." I bit my lip. If I agreed to follow him, everything would start again. Was I ready for that?
"Do you still love me?" I blinked, not expecting this kind of question.
"Yes." No need to lie, it was the truth.
"Then, don't be afraid." Sho smiled and wrapped my neck with his hand pulled me against him. I spread my arms around his neck, burying my face in his neck, enjoying his warmth.
"I don't know if we will be..."
"We will be fine." Sho cut me off.
"Okay." Sho cupped my face to kiss me softly before we decided to enter the club.
"Jun, I'm so sorry!" Aiba cried when we arrived at our table and hugged me.
"It's okay."
"No! I've been very egoist, I'm so sorry, I'm a horrible friend!"
"At least, it wasn't useless." I patted his head with a smile.
"Eh?"
"Well, Sho and I..." I blushed and Sho kissed my temple.
"You're together again?! Yatta!!!!!" Aiba screamed happily.
"It was pretty hard to convince a stubborn princess like him but I won in the end." Sho smirked while sitting and pulling me on his lap.
"Oi!" I protested.
"Don't worry, you're the most beautiful princess in the world." Sho turned my face to kiss me deeply. God, I had missed that so bad!
"Stop it, you'll fuck later!" Masaki whined.
"Shut up!" I groaned before coming back to my favorite lips. Sho chuckled but kissed me back, his hand lost in my hair, the second holding my waist.
"Live with me." Sho whispered.
"It's too early." I smiled.
"We know each other for 5 years, I think it's the good moment."
"Okay." I nodded, burying my face in his neck. If he said so, no need to think too much about it.
I decided to live with Sho one month later after lots of dates and moments together. I wanted to be sure and to know he was sure he wanted to forget BDSM for me. We didn't make love, we wanted to wait for the good moment. I bought an apartment for my mother with my savings and found a role in a movie very quickly. My carreer would go well now. My father didn't try anything but I still watched over my mother to protect her as much as possible from him. She met someone and was working in a conbini not to let me pay everything.
Living with Sho was like I thought before we broke up. We fitted each other perfectly despite our strong characters. It often turned into fights but always ended in bed. Sho was just incredible and even allowed me to top but to be honest, I preferred to feel him inside me. So, despite my pride, I agreed to let him dominate me when we fucked and believe me, it happened a lot with this horny pervert. We loved to talk a lot about everything and couldn't stay at home more than a few hours, that's why we chose to do many things like traveling, doing sport together or other things. Sho was at the same time my lover and my best friend. I told him everything or almost everything and trusted him more than anyone else. Masaki and Hiroshi were more and more in love with time and I really liked this sexy teacher who made my best friend the happiest man in the world. Just after me of course. After all these ordeals, we were finally living peacefully and happy. My world was complete and my heart wasn't aching anymore.
"Come here immediately!" Sho snapped, catching my waist.
"Sho..." I giggled.
"You're just a slut! How did you dare flirting with this bastard?!"
"I do what I want." I smirked.
"Oh no you don't! I'm going to make you remember who the boss is here." Sho threw me on the bed and grabbed a pair of handcuffs.
"Sho..." I shook in fear.
"I'm going to punish you hard, baby." My eyes widened when I saw the god in his hand and the gag ball in the other. Fuck, I was in a big shit this time.
"Please, Sho." I tried to seduce him but my lover just smiled evilly. Shit, I wouldn't be able to sit tomorrow...
"Like this beautiful necklace and this amazing tattoo above your perfect ass, say, you're mine! You're going to pay for smiling to this guy." Sho snapped, climbing on me with a sadist smile.
Well, stopping BDSM didn't mean I could stop the big sadist and pervert that my boyfriend was. But I didn't complain. In fact, I loved when he dominated me in bed.
"Because he was so cute and had a big cock." I smirked.
"What?! You looked at his cock?!" Sho yelled.
"I wanted to check if it could give me more pleasure than yours." I smiled.
"You're going to remember that only my big dick can satisfy you!" Sho smirked, entering me without any preparations and making me scream.
Yes, I really loved this pervert sadist more than anything.
Owari ;)
A/N: This is the end T.T I always feel sad when a story ends but at the same time, I'm happy xD This fic didn't completely turn like I wanted. Sho and Jun were meant to live separated longer and with more suffering but it would have been too long in the end and I really wrote a sappy end xD I hope you enjoyed this story, it was very special to write BDSM with our Sakumoto as they both have strong characters but I think in bed, Sho would always win and dominate Jun despite our diva's stubbornness and sadism xD Jun is only meant to dominate Sho when it's not in the bedroom xD
As I'm currently writing a Sakuraiba, I won't post my new Sakumoto now but it will be soon ;)