Alive (9/10)
Title: Alive
Author: Matsuaurore
Pairings: Sakumoto, Ohmiya
Genre: Au, romance, drama, angst
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: They belong to me but just in my dreams T.T
Summary: He was everything to me. My joys, my pains, my life. He was my everything, my half. But what can you do when the love you feel is also the forbidden?
What can you do when you have to push away what keeps you alive?
Chapter 9:
Jun's pov:
For six days, we spent all our time together with Sho. I tried to enjoy every second with him but things started to turn bad when I received a message from an unknown number. I paled at the words written in my message and erased it not to let Sho see it.
"Are you okay, honey?" I jumped and closed my phone when I saw Sho coming toward me.
"Yes. You've scared me, Sho." I pouted.
"Sorry baby." Sho kissed my cheek.
"When does your plane is?"
"In two days at 6 p.m." We both lowered our heads, refusing this idea. Sho had to leave again and we hated the fact we would spend again so many months apart.
"I'll miss you so much." I whispered.
"Me too. We have to handle that for six months and then, we'll be together again." I forced a smile when Sho wrapped me in his arms, trying not to cry like a baby though, I wanted to.
"Don't worry, I'll be strong. I told you I could bear anything as long as you love me." I whispered.
"I don't ask you to bear everything, Jun. I just want you to wait for me." Sho frowned.
"I... Of course." I stammered.
"Are you hiding me something?"
"What do you want I hide you?" I grinned.
"Everything is fine at school?"
"Of course." I exclaimed. I was very bad to lie but Sho couldn't find the truth.
"You can tell me if you have problems, I'll resolve everything."
"I know but everything is fine."
"Ok. Come on, I can see the shop where I wanted to buy this jacket!" Sho pointed the shop and ran toward it. My phone buzzed again and I almost fainted when I opened it and saw a picture of Sho kissing me.
Freaks!!!!
How was it possible?! Who had taken this picture, we had never kissed in front of people!
"Jun!" I jumped, seeing Sho calling me and closed my phone to join him. Whoever it was, Sho couldn't discover that!
"I'm coming!"
The whole day, I tried to avoid Sho's touch as much as possible not to let this person take more pictures of us. I could see Sho didn't understand my behavior but what could I do?
But the worst happened some hours later when my phone buzzed and I received a picture of us making love. I gripped my tee shirt, my breath starting to stop. No. It wasn't possible. We had only made love at home, how was it possible that someone saw us?!
"Jun?!" Sho released the glass of water in his hands, letting it crash on the ground and rushed toward me to give me my inhalator but it didn't calm my crisis. Everything was over. If someone had pictures of us, our lives were over. If we didn't obey to this person, she would probably give the pictures to our school and our future career would end before starting. Why does fate was always against us?!
"Jun, baby, please, calm down." I looked at Sho's worried face and realized something I refused to admit. We had to stop that. We had to become the two normal brothers we were meant to be. Because even if I could handle the worst, I refused to spoil Sho's life and dreams. Not for someone like me. He deserved so much better. But how could I push away the love of my life? How could I push away the only person who kept me alive?
Tears started to roll down my cheeks and I gripped Sho's hand tightly, wondering how I would be able to leave him. I wasn't strong enough to do that.
When I finally managed to calm down, I buried myself under my blanket for Sho's surprise. I had to think about a way to leave him. He would probably hate me but I did that for him. Because he had a bright future when mine would be just a burden for the others. It was written since my birth. Because despite what Sho believed, I wasn't meant to born. I should have died before.
Eight years ago...
"Give me my balloon back please." I implored the three kids who had taken my balloon.
"Nah, you're a freak, you can't even breath normally, you don't need it." One of them smirked.
"Please!" I tried to take it back but the other boy pushed me and made me fall on my butt. I wanted my balloon back. It was a gift of Nii-chan and it was precious for me.
"Leave, the freak!"
"No!" I tried again to take it back, pushing one of the boy and making him fall.
"You'll pay for that!" His friend snapped and hit me roughly in the stomach, cutting my breath.
"Jun!" The three boys jumped and throwing the balloon at my face, ran away. I hugged my balloon tight, happy to have it back though, I couldn't breathe normally. "Mama, Jun is making a crisis!" I felt two arms wrapping me and buried my face in Sho's neck.
Sho was always my hero.
When I opened my eyes, I saw Sho next to me in my bed. He was asleep and I left my bedroom silently to have some water. But I heard some voices in the living room and saw my parents arguing.
"We should put him in an institute!" My father snapped.
"And how? He has only asthma, they won't accept him." My mother replied.
"It's your fault if he is like that!"
"I never asked to have him! He was an accident and you know it!" I froze at the words, my heart tightening.
"I told you to abort!"
"I tried but it didn't work! It's not my fault if your son is a freak! What do you think?! That I love him?! I hate him! He is just a bother but we have to deal with him!"
"Sho loves his brother, he will take care of him while you work." My father shrugged.
"Sho is so perfect, why Jun couldn't be like him?" My mother sobbed.
I joined my bedroom silently. After all, they were right. Sho was the perfect son, the gift and I was the shit. I didn't cry this night and decided to do everything to make them accept me. I worked hard to be a doctor and prove them I could be something else than a bother and a shit. But this day, I think my parents broke me deep in my heart. This day, I understood Sho was my only reason to live.
When I opened my eyes, Sho was hugging me tightly. I pulled away softly and left the bedroom silently. Tears were already rolling down my cheeks when I received a new message.
Let him go or everybody will know for you and your brother's life will be over.
As expected. What could I do? Maybe I should tell Sho but I knew he would give up on his career for me and I refused that. Maybe I was acting like an egoist but it was my way to show him how much I loved him. I had to be strong. When Sho will leave, I knew I would break-down. If he hated me, I would handle nothing. Did I love him to the point of sacrifice my life for him? Yes. After all, I wasn't meant to exist at the beginning, so, it would be fair if I disappeared.
"Jun?" I jumped and turned around to see Sho with messed-up hair and sleepy look.
"Did I wake you up?" I smiled weakly.
"You weren't here anymore." Sho mumbled.
Yes, I had to be strong for the last time in my life.
I ran in Sho's arms and kissed him with despair.
"Hey, what's wrong?"
"Make love to me. Please." Sho looked at me with lost eyes but nodded and brought me to my bedroom to give me the most amazing last night of my life.
The next morning, I got up in a bad mood. I had to push Sho away of my life but the biggest problem was that he was my life. How would I find the courage to leave him and make him hate me? Or should I wait for him to leave Japan to break with him. But it would be unfair and hypocrite.
"Hello." Two arms wrapped me from behind and a pair of lips kissed my neck. I smiled painfully, my hand stroking Sho's cheek.
"Good morning."
"Did you sleep well?"
"Hun." I nodded and pulled away, trying to remember I had to act coldly.
"Baby, what's wrong, you're acting weirdly since yesterday."
"I... It's just... I have something to tell you." I bit my lip, tears already ready to leave my eyes. Hurting Sho was the last thing I wanted.
"Yes?"
"I think we should stop."
I said it. The words I refused to say. The words I was scared of since the beginning.
"What?!" Sho's eyes widened.
"I... I can't handle this relationship anymore. We have to stop." I avoided his hurt eyes and stared at the window.
"Jun, look at me." Sho took my chin and I did everything not to let my tears fall.
"I want to break-up." Sho paled at my words.
"It's not funny."
"I'm not joking."
"Jun, you can't be serious." Sho stammered.
"I am. Let's do it calmly, you have to leave anyway." I shrugged.
"NO!!! You can't be serious!! You can't break-up after all these times you told me you just needed me in your life!!" Sho yelled.
"I've changed my mind."
"Since yesterday?!"
"Yes."
"I can't believe it. Not you, Jun. You're not like that! Tell me what's wrong, my love! Tell me! Is there something wrong, I can solve it."
"No. Please, Sho, accept it."
"How do you want I accept it?! I've given you everything!!! I gave you my life, my heart, I did everything for you and you, you are throwing me away like a shit?!!! It's not possible! It's not you, Jun. I know there is something else!" Sho cried. He trusted me so much. I was treating him like a shit and he was still believing in me.
"I'm in love with someone else." Sho froze, staring at me with lost eyes.
"No... No you..."
"It was too hard to wait for you. I'm sorry." I said softly.
"Are you fucking kidding?! Who is it?! I'll kill him!!"
"I won't tell you. Please, Sho, let's forget what happened between us." Sho threw me a death glare and climbed the stairs. What was he doing?! He left his bedroom some minutes later with his suit case. "What are you doing?"
"As you are in love with someone else, you don't need me anymore. Don't worry, you won't see me ever again, I'll stay in America. Be happy with your new lover."
"Sho, no, please!" I took his arm but Sho pushed me away roughly.
"Don't touch me! You're disgusting! Mom and dad were right about you, nobody can love you." My heart almost stopped at his words and I fell on my knees when the door slammed. I was shaking and breathing with difficulty. I wanted to catch him but I knew I couldn't. Sho. No, it wasn't possible! I stood up and left the house to catch him.
"Well done, Jun." I froze and turned around to see Hana with an evil smirk.
"Hana?"
"What do you think about my pictures?"
"It was you..."
"Of course it was me. I knew you two were fucking like disgusting freaks."
"You did that to have Sho back. But he doesn't love you!"
"Oh no, I don't want him." Hana chuckled.
"Why, then?"
"I told you I would break you." Hana laughed.
"You weren't in love with Sho!"
"And then? I needed him to build my perfect life and you broke everything. You. The shit. The error your parents made. It was so funny to see Sho's face when you told him you loved someone else."
"You're just a bitch!" I gasped when she slapped me roughly.
"At least, I don't fuck with my brother. Was it funny to push away the only person in this world who loves you? I've loved it. I've loved your face when I sent you the pictures and when you broke up with Sho."
"How did you get the pictures?"
"Hi~mi~tsu." Hana smirked. "So, after all this fun, I have lots of things to do. Don't be too sad, Jun. And don't make any crisis because Sho won't be here this time. Maybe you should just die, after all, it's not as if somebody was going to miss you." Hana laughed before leaving.
I entered the house and started to prepare a bag but stared at the gap with empty eyes. I had lost everything in 30 minutes. In 30 minutes, my world had collapsed. In 30 minutes, my life had stopped. I started to breath with difficulty but I didn't care. After all, Hana was right, now Sho was gone, nobody would miss me if I disappeared. I tried to reach my inhalator but collapsed on the ground, my lungs screaming in pain for air before everything turned black.
"Jun!!" What? Was I still alive? This crisis hadn't killed me? Why? "Jun, honey, open your eyes!" I blinked, the light hitting my eyes and saw my mother above me with worried eyes.
"Mother..."I wanted to laugh. Mother. How could I even call her like that? She had never been a mother, she just tried to kill me when I was in her belly. She just let Sho raise me not to have to support me. She tried to end my life. Me. The accident. The shame of the family. The error that nature made.
"Jun, God, you've scared me!" She hugged me but I pushed her away violently. No! This time I wouldn't let her appease her guilt for not loving me.
"Don't touch me!"
"Jun..."
"Why are you still trying to act like a mother?! You don't have to pretend that you love me! I'm used to your lack of love after 17 years!"
"What are you talking about? I love you Jun, you're my son!" My mother frowned.
"Oh please, stop your hypocrisy! Why is it so hard to tell me I am the biggest mistake of your perfect life?! Why can't you be honest once time in your life and tell me directly how much you hate me?!!!" I yelled.
"Who told you these stupid things?!"
"You and dad!"
"What..."
"When I was 8 years old, I heard you! I heard everything! That I was an accident, that with my asthma I was the shame of the family. That you tried to kill me!!!" I cried. My mother paled at my words, tears filling her eyes.
"Jun, I can explain..."
"There is nothing to explain. I've understood despite all my efforts dad and you would never love me! I can't try anymore and I'm tired. I'm sorry I wasn't the child you wanted but I didn't ask to born nor to be created." I said coldly.
"Jun, it's not like that you..."
"You've never even tried to know me. You know nothing about me, about who I am. You just worry for me when I make a bad crisis because it would force you to bring me to hospital and lose your precious time! Sho was the only one who loved me and took care of me!"
"We love you, Jun. I agree we aren't the best parents of the world but we love you."
"Why can't you admit the truth? I've accepted it a long time ago, why can't you tell me the truth. I deserve it! Maybe I will be able to move on if you tell me right in the face that you hate me."
"I love you, Jun..."
"You don't know how to love! You and dad are pathetic! I bet you didn't know Sho and I are in love! No, you would have never guessed as your stupid fucking work is the most important and you have always tried to hide me!"
"What do you mean..."
"Sho and I were together! Like two lovers! Because we loved each other since I was born! He was the only one who loved me for who I am! And yes, we kissed and even fucked!!" I gasped when the hit came, feeling blood in my mouth.
"Freak!"
"Yes. It's what you keep repeating since I'm born! Since I survived while you tried to kill me! I don't care about you and dad anymore, I'm alone now, like I've always been! The only person who loved me has left and I'll be again the shit I was meant to be since the beginning. Sho made me believe I was maybe more than that but he was wrong. I should have never born. I'm a mistake after all." I whispered, taking the bag on my bed.
"Jun, what are you doing?!"
"What you have always dreamed about. I'm leaving. You won't see the freak ever again!"
"Jun!!!" My mother called but I ignored her and ran away, tears rolling down my cheeks. I didn't know where to go and chose the only person I trusted.
"Jun?"
"Kazu, I need you..." My best friend wrapped me in his arms and led me inside before making me sit on the sofa where I saw his boyfriend.
"What happened?"
"I'm sorry, I didn't know you weren't alone, I should leave." I tried to get up but Nino caught my arm, rolling his eyes.
"It's okay. What happened to put you in this state?"
"Sho..."
"What?! Did he hurt you?!" Nino yelled.
"I've broken up with him."
"Eh?! Why?!"
"I..." Could I tell him the truth? Could I tell him everything? But I had to or coming to cry in his arms would be useless if not. So, I started to tell him everything, Nino's eyes darkening when I talked about Hana and Sonoda.
"Why did you never tell me?!"
"I didn't want you to tell Sho."
"And this bitch forced you to leave him?!"
"Yes."
"Why didn't you tell him about the pictures?!"
"Because he would have refused to obey. I can't break Sho's dreams."
"J, why do you always need to sacrifice yourself?" Nino sighed.
"Eh?"
"Sho and you are together, you are a couple and when you are a couple, the other person is also concerned by these kinds of things. You can't face everything alone, Sho is also responsible and like you, has to face this problem."
"But..."
"And didn't you even think that maybe Sho preferred you than his future? That maybe you are a part of his future and dreams? Even if he becomes what he wanted, will he be happy if his boyfriend has broken up, making him think that he loved someone else?"
"No..." I lowered my eyes.
"I want to become a singer more than anything but if Ohchan left me to let me realize my dream, this dream would mean nothing if he wasn't by my side." I saw two shades of pink growing on his cheeks and Ohno smiling happily. Kazu wasn't the type of guy who talked a lot about his feelings.
"I didn't think about that. I just don't want to spoil Sho's life." I whispered.
"I think it's what you've done by leaving him." Nino patted my shoulder with a sad smile.
"I just want to protect him. He has always protected me, the fragile and weak little brother. I wanted to be the strong one."
"Jun-kun, it's not a bad thing to be protected. If you love Sho-kun, I think it's his strength and what protects him. In your own way, you protect him with your love for him." Ohno said softly for the first time.
"Toshi is right, Jun." Nino nodded.
"I've spoiled everything." I sobbed.
"No. It's not too late." Nino hugged me.
"Sho hates me and has left. It's too late."
"I'll call him and he will come back."
"I... No."
"Eh?" Nino blinked.
"I... I need some time. Don't call him now. Can I stay here for some days as I can't go home?"
"Of course. And you can't skip school. Go to bed, you are exhausted." Nino stroked my cheek with a smile and I joined his bedroom to lay on his bed.
"What are you doing?" Ohno asked when he saw his lover taking his phone.
"I'm calling Sho."
"But Jun said..."
"I won't wait for this stubborn idiot to be ready. If I had reacted faster, Jun and Sho would still be together." Nino replied. "Sho, it's Nino, call me back, it's very urgent, it's about Jun!!" Nino closed his phone with a sigh.
"Jun needs you, don't let him alone." Ohno said softly.
"Of course." Nino nodded, letting his lover wrap him in his arms.
"I wouldn't bear it if you left me like Jun did with Sho."
"Me too. Jun thought it would be the best for Sho but he forgot that when you love someone deeply, nothing else counts. Sho is stronger because he has Jun's love, not because he is good at school."
"Poor Jun. And poor Sho, life can be hard sometimes." Ohno sighed.
"Hun. Love you, old man."
"I love you too my brat." Ohno grinned, kissing his boyfriend softly.
The next morning, when I woke up, I didn't wait for Nino to ba awake and left his house. I couldn't go to school. I was too scared to see Sonoda because he would hit me again. I walked in the streets, lost in my thoughts. I had nowhere to go as I was alone now. My phone buzzed lots of time but I knew it was Kazu who would kill me if he found me. Soon, I saw my school some meters further and stared at it for the last time. I didn't know what my life would be now but maybe I would find something to live.
"Why you aren’t at school, freak?!" I froze when I heard the voice and turned around, seeing Sonoda and his friends with evil smiles. Shit. Why was he here?!
"What are you doing here?"
"School is bored without you. I missed hitting you." Sonoda threw his cigarette on the ground and approached me. I moved back, afraid, my back hitting the wall behind me.
"Leave me alone. I did nothing to you!"
"Mmm nah. It's funny to make you cry." Sonoda grabbed my hair and led me in the park of the school to throw me in an area where nobody could see us.
"Please, I..." I gasped when the fist hit my cheek.
"Bastard!" I spitted, throwing him a death glare.
"What?!" Sonoda snapped, grabbing me by the hair.
"Fuck you." I replied.
"Oh the baby is starting to bark?!" Sonoda laughed threw me against the tree violently. I gasped, my bones cracking.
"Do what you want, I don't care anymore." I whispered, a tear rolling down my cheek.
"Oh the baby is sad because his brother has left him?" Sonoda smirked.
"You are pathetic." I replied.
"What?!"
"You always need to hit someone who can't confront you, you don't have true friends, just puppies that follows you. I pity you." I chuckled.
"I'll kill you!" Sonoda grabbed my collar and hit my stomach roughly, cutting my breath.
"Sonoda, someone is coming!" A guy shouted.
"Tomorrow you're dead!" Sonoda spitted and left. I scratched the ground, trying to breath, my lungs burning.
"Ka-me..." I called when I saw my friend.
"Jun?"
"He-lp me... Hurt..." I saw Kame coming toward me and kneeling down.
"Poor baby."
"E-h?" I moaned in pain.
"Don't worry, Jun, soon, this hell will be over." Kame whispered in my ear, my heart stopping.
To be continued...
A/N : *hides in Alaska* xD I think this chapter is the most horrible of this fic or maybe after the final chapter xD poor Sho, poor Jun TT I hate Hana and Jun's mother >< I know Jun didn’t take the best solution but he is hurt, scared and just wants to protect Sho even if it wasn’t the best way to protect him xD But I think I would have done the same if it had been me xD
Final chapter soon TT
Author: Matsuaurore
Pairings: Sakumoto, Ohmiya
Genre: Au, romance, drama, angst
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: They belong to me but just in my dreams T.T
Summary: He was everything to me. My joys, my pains, my life. He was my everything, my half. But what can you do when the love you feel is also the forbidden?
What can you do when you have to push away what keeps you alive?
Chapter 9:
Jun's pov:
For six days, we spent all our time together with Sho. I tried to enjoy every second with him but things started to turn bad when I received a message from an unknown number. I paled at the words written in my message and erased it not to let Sho see it.
"Are you okay, honey?" I jumped and closed my phone when I saw Sho coming toward me.
"Yes. You've scared me, Sho." I pouted.
"Sorry baby." Sho kissed my cheek.
"When does your plane is?"
"In two days at 6 p.m." We both lowered our heads, refusing this idea. Sho had to leave again and we hated the fact we would spend again so many months apart.
"I'll miss you so much." I whispered.
"Me too. We have to handle that for six months and then, we'll be together again." I forced a smile when Sho wrapped me in his arms, trying not to cry like a baby though, I wanted to.
"Don't worry, I'll be strong. I told you I could bear anything as long as you love me." I whispered.
"I don't ask you to bear everything, Jun. I just want you to wait for me." Sho frowned.
"I... Of course." I stammered.
"Are you hiding me something?"
"What do you want I hide you?" I grinned.
"Everything is fine at school?"
"Of course." I exclaimed. I was very bad to lie but Sho couldn't find the truth.
"You can tell me if you have problems, I'll resolve everything."
"I know but everything is fine."
"Ok. Come on, I can see the shop where I wanted to buy this jacket!" Sho pointed the shop and ran toward it. My phone buzzed again and I almost fainted when I opened it and saw a picture of Sho kissing me.
Freaks!!!!
How was it possible?! Who had taken this picture, we had never kissed in front of people!
"Jun!" I jumped, seeing Sho calling me and closed my phone to join him. Whoever it was, Sho couldn't discover that!
"I'm coming!"
The whole day, I tried to avoid Sho's touch as much as possible not to let this person take more pictures of us. I could see Sho didn't understand my behavior but what could I do?
But the worst happened some hours later when my phone buzzed and I received a picture of us making love. I gripped my tee shirt, my breath starting to stop. No. It wasn't possible. We had only made love at home, how was it possible that someone saw us?!
"Jun?!" Sho released the glass of water in his hands, letting it crash on the ground and rushed toward me to give me my inhalator but it didn't calm my crisis. Everything was over. If someone had pictures of us, our lives were over. If we didn't obey to this person, she would probably give the pictures to our school and our future career would end before starting. Why does fate was always against us?!
"Jun, baby, please, calm down." I looked at Sho's worried face and realized something I refused to admit. We had to stop that. We had to become the two normal brothers we were meant to be. Because even if I could handle the worst, I refused to spoil Sho's life and dreams. Not for someone like me. He deserved so much better. But how could I push away the love of my life? How could I push away the only person who kept me alive?
Tears started to roll down my cheeks and I gripped Sho's hand tightly, wondering how I would be able to leave him. I wasn't strong enough to do that.
When I finally managed to calm down, I buried myself under my blanket for Sho's surprise. I had to think about a way to leave him. He would probably hate me but I did that for him. Because he had a bright future when mine would be just a burden for the others. It was written since my birth. Because despite what Sho believed, I wasn't meant to born. I should have died before.
Eight years ago...
"Give me my balloon back please." I implored the three kids who had taken my balloon.
"Nah, you're a freak, you can't even breath normally, you don't need it." One of them smirked.
"Please!" I tried to take it back but the other boy pushed me and made me fall on my butt. I wanted my balloon back. It was a gift of Nii-chan and it was precious for me.
"Leave, the freak!"
"No!" I tried again to take it back, pushing one of the boy and making him fall.
"You'll pay for that!" His friend snapped and hit me roughly in the stomach, cutting my breath.
"Jun!" The three boys jumped and throwing the balloon at my face, ran away. I hugged my balloon tight, happy to have it back though, I couldn't breathe normally. "Mama, Jun is making a crisis!" I felt two arms wrapping me and buried my face in Sho's neck.
Sho was always my hero.
When I opened my eyes, I saw Sho next to me in my bed. He was asleep and I left my bedroom silently to have some water. But I heard some voices in the living room and saw my parents arguing.
"We should put him in an institute!" My father snapped.
"And how? He has only asthma, they won't accept him." My mother replied.
"It's your fault if he is like that!"
"I never asked to have him! He was an accident and you know it!" I froze at the words, my heart tightening.
"I told you to abort!"
"I tried but it didn't work! It's not my fault if your son is a freak! What do you think?! That I love him?! I hate him! He is just a bother but we have to deal with him!"
"Sho loves his brother, he will take care of him while you work." My father shrugged.
"Sho is so perfect, why Jun couldn't be like him?" My mother sobbed.
I joined my bedroom silently. After all, they were right. Sho was the perfect son, the gift and I was the shit. I didn't cry this night and decided to do everything to make them accept me. I worked hard to be a doctor and prove them I could be something else than a bother and a shit. But this day, I think my parents broke me deep in my heart. This day, I understood Sho was my only reason to live.
When I opened my eyes, Sho was hugging me tightly. I pulled away softly and left the bedroom silently. Tears were already rolling down my cheeks when I received a new message.
Let him go or everybody will know for you and your brother's life will be over.
As expected. What could I do? Maybe I should tell Sho but I knew he would give up on his career for me and I refused that. Maybe I was acting like an egoist but it was my way to show him how much I loved him. I had to be strong. When Sho will leave, I knew I would break-down. If he hated me, I would handle nothing. Did I love him to the point of sacrifice my life for him? Yes. After all, I wasn't meant to exist at the beginning, so, it would be fair if I disappeared.
"Jun?" I jumped and turned around to see Sho with messed-up hair and sleepy look.
"Did I wake you up?" I smiled weakly.
"You weren't here anymore." Sho mumbled.
Yes, I had to be strong for the last time in my life.
I ran in Sho's arms and kissed him with despair.
"Hey, what's wrong?"
"Make love to me. Please." Sho looked at me with lost eyes but nodded and brought me to my bedroom to give me the most amazing last night of my life.
The next morning, I got up in a bad mood. I had to push Sho away of my life but the biggest problem was that he was my life. How would I find the courage to leave him and make him hate me? Or should I wait for him to leave Japan to break with him. But it would be unfair and hypocrite.
"Hello." Two arms wrapped me from behind and a pair of lips kissed my neck. I smiled painfully, my hand stroking Sho's cheek.
"Good morning."
"Did you sleep well?"
"Hun." I nodded and pulled away, trying to remember I had to act coldly.
"Baby, what's wrong, you're acting weirdly since yesterday."
"I... It's just... I have something to tell you." I bit my lip, tears already ready to leave my eyes. Hurting Sho was the last thing I wanted.
"Yes?"
"I think we should stop."
I said it. The words I refused to say. The words I was scared of since the beginning.
"What?!" Sho's eyes widened.
"I... I can't handle this relationship anymore. We have to stop." I avoided his hurt eyes and stared at the window.
"Jun, look at me." Sho took my chin and I did everything not to let my tears fall.
"I want to break-up." Sho paled at my words.
"It's not funny."
"I'm not joking."
"Jun, you can't be serious." Sho stammered.
"I am. Let's do it calmly, you have to leave anyway." I shrugged.
"NO!!! You can't be serious!! You can't break-up after all these times you told me you just needed me in your life!!" Sho yelled.
"I've changed my mind."
"Since yesterday?!"
"Yes."
"I can't believe it. Not you, Jun. You're not like that! Tell me what's wrong, my love! Tell me! Is there something wrong, I can solve it."
"No. Please, Sho, accept it."
"How do you want I accept it?! I've given you everything!!! I gave you my life, my heart, I did everything for you and you, you are throwing me away like a shit?!!! It's not possible! It's not you, Jun. I know there is something else!" Sho cried. He trusted me so much. I was treating him like a shit and he was still believing in me.
"I'm in love with someone else." Sho froze, staring at me with lost eyes.
"No... No you..."
"It was too hard to wait for you. I'm sorry." I said softly.
"Are you fucking kidding?! Who is it?! I'll kill him!!"
"I won't tell you. Please, Sho, let's forget what happened between us." Sho threw me a death glare and climbed the stairs. What was he doing?! He left his bedroom some minutes later with his suit case. "What are you doing?"
"As you are in love with someone else, you don't need me anymore. Don't worry, you won't see me ever again, I'll stay in America. Be happy with your new lover."
"Sho, no, please!" I took his arm but Sho pushed me away roughly.
"Don't touch me! You're disgusting! Mom and dad were right about you, nobody can love you." My heart almost stopped at his words and I fell on my knees when the door slammed. I was shaking and breathing with difficulty. I wanted to catch him but I knew I couldn't. Sho. No, it wasn't possible! I stood up and left the house to catch him.
"Well done, Jun." I froze and turned around to see Hana with an evil smirk.
"Hana?"
"What do you think about my pictures?"
"It was you..."
"Of course it was me. I knew you two were fucking like disgusting freaks."
"You did that to have Sho back. But he doesn't love you!"
"Oh no, I don't want him." Hana chuckled.
"Why, then?"
"I told you I would break you." Hana laughed.
"You weren't in love with Sho!"
"And then? I needed him to build my perfect life and you broke everything. You. The shit. The error your parents made. It was so funny to see Sho's face when you told him you loved someone else."
"You're just a bitch!" I gasped when she slapped me roughly.
"At least, I don't fuck with my brother. Was it funny to push away the only person in this world who loves you? I've loved it. I've loved your face when I sent you the pictures and when you broke up with Sho."
"How did you get the pictures?"
"Hi~mi~tsu." Hana smirked. "So, after all this fun, I have lots of things to do. Don't be too sad, Jun. And don't make any crisis because Sho won't be here this time. Maybe you should just die, after all, it's not as if somebody was going to miss you." Hana laughed before leaving.
I entered the house and started to prepare a bag but stared at the gap with empty eyes. I had lost everything in 30 minutes. In 30 minutes, my world had collapsed. In 30 minutes, my life had stopped. I started to breath with difficulty but I didn't care. After all, Hana was right, now Sho was gone, nobody would miss me if I disappeared. I tried to reach my inhalator but collapsed on the ground, my lungs screaming in pain for air before everything turned black.
"Jun!!" What? Was I still alive? This crisis hadn't killed me? Why? "Jun, honey, open your eyes!" I blinked, the light hitting my eyes and saw my mother above me with worried eyes.
"Mother..."I wanted to laugh. Mother. How could I even call her like that? She had never been a mother, she just tried to kill me when I was in her belly. She just let Sho raise me not to have to support me. She tried to end my life. Me. The accident. The shame of the family. The error that nature made.
"Jun, God, you've scared me!" She hugged me but I pushed her away violently. No! This time I wouldn't let her appease her guilt for not loving me.
"Don't touch me!"
"Jun..."
"Why are you still trying to act like a mother?! You don't have to pretend that you love me! I'm used to your lack of love after 17 years!"
"What are you talking about? I love you Jun, you're my son!" My mother frowned.
"Oh please, stop your hypocrisy! Why is it so hard to tell me I am the biggest mistake of your perfect life?! Why can't you be honest once time in your life and tell me directly how much you hate me?!!!" I yelled.
"Who told you these stupid things?!"
"You and dad!"
"What..."
"When I was 8 years old, I heard you! I heard everything! That I was an accident, that with my asthma I was the shame of the family. That you tried to kill me!!!" I cried. My mother paled at my words, tears filling her eyes.
"Jun, I can explain..."
"There is nothing to explain. I've understood despite all my efforts dad and you would never love me! I can't try anymore and I'm tired. I'm sorry I wasn't the child you wanted but I didn't ask to born nor to be created." I said coldly.
"Jun, it's not like that you..."
"You've never even tried to know me. You know nothing about me, about who I am. You just worry for me when I make a bad crisis because it would force you to bring me to hospital and lose your precious time! Sho was the only one who loved me and took care of me!"
"We love you, Jun. I agree we aren't the best parents of the world but we love you."
"Why can't you admit the truth? I've accepted it a long time ago, why can't you tell me the truth. I deserve it! Maybe I will be able to move on if you tell me right in the face that you hate me."
"I love you, Jun..."
"You don't know how to love! You and dad are pathetic! I bet you didn't know Sho and I are in love! No, you would have never guessed as your stupid fucking work is the most important and you have always tried to hide me!"
"What do you mean..."
"Sho and I were together! Like two lovers! Because we loved each other since I was born! He was the only one who loved me for who I am! And yes, we kissed and even fucked!!" I gasped when the hit came, feeling blood in my mouth.
"Freak!"
"Yes. It's what you keep repeating since I'm born! Since I survived while you tried to kill me! I don't care about you and dad anymore, I'm alone now, like I've always been! The only person who loved me has left and I'll be again the shit I was meant to be since the beginning. Sho made me believe I was maybe more than that but he was wrong. I should have never born. I'm a mistake after all." I whispered, taking the bag on my bed.
"Jun, what are you doing?!"
"What you have always dreamed about. I'm leaving. You won't see the freak ever again!"
"Jun!!!" My mother called but I ignored her and ran away, tears rolling down my cheeks. I didn't know where to go and chose the only person I trusted.
"Jun?"
"Kazu, I need you..." My best friend wrapped me in his arms and led me inside before making me sit on the sofa where I saw his boyfriend.
"What happened?"
"I'm sorry, I didn't know you weren't alone, I should leave." I tried to get up but Nino caught my arm, rolling his eyes.
"It's okay. What happened to put you in this state?"
"Sho..."
"What?! Did he hurt you?!" Nino yelled.
"I've broken up with him."
"Eh?! Why?!"
"I..." Could I tell him the truth? Could I tell him everything? But I had to or coming to cry in his arms would be useless if not. So, I started to tell him everything, Nino's eyes darkening when I talked about Hana and Sonoda.
"Why did you never tell me?!"
"I didn't want you to tell Sho."
"And this bitch forced you to leave him?!"
"Yes."
"Why didn't you tell him about the pictures?!"
"Because he would have refused to obey. I can't break Sho's dreams."
"J, why do you always need to sacrifice yourself?" Nino sighed.
"Eh?"
"Sho and you are together, you are a couple and when you are a couple, the other person is also concerned by these kinds of things. You can't face everything alone, Sho is also responsible and like you, has to face this problem."
"But..."
"And didn't you even think that maybe Sho preferred you than his future? That maybe you are a part of his future and dreams? Even if he becomes what he wanted, will he be happy if his boyfriend has broken up, making him think that he loved someone else?"
"No..." I lowered my eyes.
"I want to become a singer more than anything but if Ohchan left me to let me realize my dream, this dream would mean nothing if he wasn't by my side." I saw two shades of pink growing on his cheeks and Ohno smiling happily. Kazu wasn't the type of guy who talked a lot about his feelings.
"I didn't think about that. I just don't want to spoil Sho's life." I whispered.
"I think it's what you've done by leaving him." Nino patted my shoulder with a sad smile.
"I just want to protect him. He has always protected me, the fragile and weak little brother. I wanted to be the strong one."
"Jun-kun, it's not a bad thing to be protected. If you love Sho-kun, I think it's his strength and what protects him. In your own way, you protect him with your love for him." Ohno said softly for the first time.
"Toshi is right, Jun." Nino nodded.
"I've spoiled everything." I sobbed.
"No. It's not too late." Nino hugged me.
"Sho hates me and has left. It's too late."
"I'll call him and he will come back."
"I... No."
"Eh?" Nino blinked.
"I... I need some time. Don't call him now. Can I stay here for some days as I can't go home?"
"Of course. And you can't skip school. Go to bed, you are exhausted." Nino stroked my cheek with a smile and I joined his bedroom to lay on his bed.
"What are you doing?" Ohno asked when he saw his lover taking his phone.
"I'm calling Sho."
"But Jun said..."
"I won't wait for this stubborn idiot to be ready. If I had reacted faster, Jun and Sho would still be together." Nino replied. "Sho, it's Nino, call me back, it's very urgent, it's about Jun!!" Nino closed his phone with a sigh.
"Jun needs you, don't let him alone." Ohno said softly.
"Of course." Nino nodded, letting his lover wrap him in his arms.
"I wouldn't bear it if you left me like Jun did with Sho."
"Me too. Jun thought it would be the best for Sho but he forgot that when you love someone deeply, nothing else counts. Sho is stronger because he has Jun's love, not because he is good at school."
"Poor Jun. And poor Sho, life can be hard sometimes." Ohno sighed.
"Hun. Love you, old man."
"I love you too my brat." Ohno grinned, kissing his boyfriend softly.
The next morning, when I woke up, I didn't wait for Nino to ba awake and left his house. I couldn't go to school. I was too scared to see Sonoda because he would hit me again. I walked in the streets, lost in my thoughts. I had nowhere to go as I was alone now. My phone buzzed lots of time but I knew it was Kazu who would kill me if he found me. Soon, I saw my school some meters further and stared at it for the last time. I didn't know what my life would be now but maybe I would find something to live.
"Why you aren’t at school, freak?!" I froze when I heard the voice and turned around, seeing Sonoda and his friends with evil smiles. Shit. Why was he here?!
"What are you doing here?"
"School is bored without you. I missed hitting you." Sonoda threw his cigarette on the ground and approached me. I moved back, afraid, my back hitting the wall behind me.
"Leave me alone. I did nothing to you!"
"Mmm nah. It's funny to make you cry." Sonoda grabbed my hair and led me in the park of the school to throw me in an area where nobody could see us.
"Please, I..." I gasped when the fist hit my cheek.
"Bastard!" I spitted, throwing him a death glare.
"What?!" Sonoda snapped, grabbing me by the hair.
"Fuck you." I replied.
"Oh the baby is starting to bark?!" Sonoda laughed threw me against the tree violently. I gasped, my bones cracking.
"Do what you want, I don't care anymore." I whispered, a tear rolling down my cheek.
"Oh the baby is sad because his brother has left him?" Sonoda smirked.
"You are pathetic." I replied.
"What?!"
"You always need to hit someone who can't confront you, you don't have true friends, just puppies that follows you. I pity you." I chuckled.
"I'll kill you!" Sonoda grabbed my collar and hit my stomach roughly, cutting my breath.
"Sonoda, someone is coming!" A guy shouted.
"Tomorrow you're dead!" Sonoda spitted and left. I scratched the ground, trying to breath, my lungs burning.
"Ka-me..." I called when I saw my friend.
"Jun?"
"He-lp me... Hurt..." I saw Kame coming toward me and kneeling down.
"Poor baby."
"E-h?" I moaned in pain.
"Don't worry, Jun, soon, this hell will be over." Kame whispered in my ear, my heart stopping.
To be continued...
A/N : *hides in Alaska* xD I think this chapter is the most horrible of this fic or maybe after the final chapter xD poor Sho, poor Jun TT I hate Hana and Jun's mother >< I know Jun didn’t take the best solution but he is hurt, scared and just wants to protect Sho even if it wasn’t the best way to protect him xD But I think I would have done the same if it had been me xD
Final chapter soon TT