In your heart chapter 2
Title: In your heart
Author: MatsuAurore
Beta: Andreja1989 thank you so much for your precious help <3
Pairings: Ohmiya, Junba (slight), Nino/Toma (friendship), Juntoshi (friendship)
Rating: PG for this chapter
Genre: Au, drama, romance, dark theme, fantasy (I guess xD)
Length: multichapter
Summary: Two pasts, two painful stories. They are the same but yet so different. Nino, a big arrogant idol and Ohno a kind and shy amazing dancer. They live their lives but when Ohno meets the younger, the sleepy man will discover Nino’s dark past that the idol wanted to forget. One day Nino gets stuck in Ohno’s mind and he discovers that maybe the dancer is the only person who can really understand his pain. Maybe Ohno’s eternal sleepy smile hides a dark secret.
Disclaimer: only own the plot T.T but Nino owns Ohchan, ne? xD This chapter is a bit weird ^^
Chapter 2: Through your eyes
His clock rang at 6 o'clock and Ohno growled. With difficulty, he stood up and walked to the kitchen, drank 3 coffees and looked at the calendar.
Monday 17th March 2012.
He froze. It was 5 months. Since that horrible day, nightmare.
Satoshi took his phone and checked his messages.
To: Satoshi
From: Hanako-san
Subject: 17th July
Satoshi-kun, I wanted to know if you could join the family for the anniversary of Sho's death. Please, come, we know it's a very hard day for you and we don't want you to be alone. Plus, Jun will feel better if you're by his side. Please, dear, come, do it for Sho and Jun. Many kisses.
Hanako.
Ohno sighed. He loved Sho's mother but actually, his only wish was to be alone on that day and drink a lot of beer to swallow his grief. On this day, he didn't want to see anyone who would try to console him. On this day, his best friend was the beer. He looked at the window. Outside, there was a typhoon; the sky was grey and the clouds black.
****
Nino cried. He opened his eyes and sighed, sweats running down his face.
It’s just a nightmare.
Outside, the storm was very violent. He thought about Ohno. The Teddy man was right, he'll end up alone, he was just an asshole. The rain hurt the windows and Nino screamed. Toma wasn't at home and he felt bad, very bad. He hated the storm since that day, it made him remember his trauma. He stood up, walked to the kitchen when suddenly there was a big lightning and Ohno's face appeared in front of this view.
"You're just an asshole!" Ohno's face said.
Nino cried and Toma's face appeared next .
"You're a fucking burden, Nino." Toma said.
"Leave me alone!" Nino yelled, catching his head between his palms to escape the voices.
"It's your fault I died, coward." Yusuke's voice accused him.
"Yu!" Nino cried.
He ran to his bedroom and took a bag hidden in his cupboard. There were many medicine inside, he grabbed the box and swallowed all of it with a bottle of sake. He cried until, all became dark.
Toma opened the door; the day was very long with all these meetings. Sometimes, it was very hard to be Nino's manager, the young man was very famous but with all his problems, Toma often had to cancel his interview or shooting which caused a big mess.
"Tadaima," Toma greeted but there came no answer. "Kazu? I'm home." Toma repeated. Suddenly, there was a big flash and the manager stiffened. He knew how much Nino hated the storm, it made him remember this horrible day. "Shit!" Toma exclaimed, took his shoes off and ran in the apartment. "Kazu, where are you?!" But no answer. He entered in his room and cried when he saw his friend lying on the floor, a bottle of sake towards him and a box of medicine in his hand. "Kazunari!!!!" The manager screamed, taking him in his arms while he called the ambulance. "Hold out, Kazu!" Toma begged, crying.
Nino moaned, he opened his eyes and jumped when he saw he wasn't in his bed. He wanted to stand up but couldn't move. "What the fuck?!" Nino wanted to say but no sound came. "Oiii, what is it?" Nino thought.
"Humm... My head..." A voice mumbled.
"Who is it?" Nino asked.
"Eh, what's this voice?!" The voice asked.
"Eh?! You?!!" Nino exclaimed.
"I know this voice" Ohno said.
"Are you stupid?! It's me, Nino."
"Eh?! Why can I hear you?!"
"I don't know, I can't move." Nino groaned.
“What's...? You're in my head?!” Ohno exclaimed, shocked.
“What the fuck?! That's impossible!” Nino shouted.
“Calm down, it's just a bad dream or a joke.”
“Shit! Why I'm in your head?! I can't move!”
“It's normal, it's my body.” Ohno said, rolling his eyes.
“It's impossible, why am I in your head?” Nino whined.
"Do you remember what you did, yesterday?"
"No, I remember I was at home but that's all." Nino said.
"Ok, we must stay calm." Ohno answered.
"Toma! We must go see him!" Nino exclaimed.
"Who's Toma?" Ohno asked.
"My manager and my best friend."
"Your manager?"
"Yes, I have a manager like all the idols do." Nino explained, slightly annoyed.
"You're an idol?!"
"Yes, I'm a big idol, you never watch the TV?! Oh my god, my fans, what they'll become without me?!!!" Nino whined, desperate.
Ohno rolled his eyes by Nino’s arrogance.
"They'll continue their life; you're not indispensable for them." Ohno said.
"Shut up, take me to Toma." Nino replied.
"Ok…" Ohno sighed before calling a taxi and arriving at Nino's place. It was a very beautiful residence. He rang at the door and a handsome man opened it. He was tall with black hair but seemed very tired with his shadows under his eyes which were red and swollen.
"Toma!" Nino exclaimed inside Ohno’s head.
"Yes?" Toma asked.
"Ano... Toma-san?" Ohno asked.
"Yes, it's me." The manager answered, frowning.
"I'm a friend of Nino." Ohno said, shyly.
"He is not here." Toma replied, coldly.
"Where can I find him?" Ohno asked.
"You don't know..." Toma mumbled to himself. "Please, come in." The manager smiled.
Ohno took his shoes off and followed Toma in the kitchen. Nino's apartment was very big and luxurious. It was white and chocolate with a big flat TV and video games. Several pictures of Nino and Toma were on the wall and some of them showed Nino with a very handsome young man who must be his lover.
"Tea?" Toma asked.
"No, thanks".
"So~ you are a Kazu's friend? I'm surprised; he never had talked about you...what's your name?"
"Ohno Satoshi."
"Ohno-san, Kazunari had never mentioned your name."
"We were in bad terms." Ohno explained.
"As everyone. Kazu hasn't got many friends..."
"I guess why." Ohno chuckled. "Then, where is he?"
"Ano~yesterday, Kazunari has made a suicide attempt..." Toma began.
"Eh?!!!"
"Gomen. Since Yusuke's dead, he is very weak and yesterday, I wasn't with him."
"It's not the first time?"
"No. You see, Kazu can’t forget Yusuke and when he has nightmares, he tries to harm himself. Two years ago, the doctors has hospitalized him for 5 months but his pain is too deep, he suffers and can't live his life normally."
"It's horrible. And where is he actually?" Ohno asked.
"At the hospital, he is in coma, the doctor doesn't know if he'll wake up one day." Toma said, tears rolling on his cheeks. "Sorry," the manager added wiping his tears.
"It's ok, don't worry."
"You know, Kazu is my best friend, he seems arrogant, selfish and pretentious but he is kind and very sensitive, I love him and I'm happy knowing he has another friend because he is very lonely..." The manager cried softly.
"Toma..." Nino whispered.
"Before Yu's death, he was happy and always smiled, people loved him but after that day, he changed, he wasn't the same expect with me. He thought he was a burden for me but it's not true. I need him, he always was with me when we were young, he is my best friend and if he dies, I couldn't bear it." Toma said, burying his face in his arms.
"Can I see him?"
"If you want...please, can you leave me alone?"
"Ok..."
Ohno sighed and left the kitchen. He heard Toma crying loudly when he took his shoes on.
"You have a very good friend." Ohno thought, knowing Nino inside his head would still be able to hear him.
They decided they'll speak by Ohno's thoughts because nobody could hear Nino and believe Ohno could hear him or even worse, spoke to himself.
"Yes, he is very important for me." Nino sighed.
"What can we do for our problem?"
"I don't know, Toma said I'm in coma, maybe I'm in your head because of that..."
Ohno didn't answer; he was very worried about this situation. With Nino in his head, the younger will discover his secret and he didn't want it, plus was it permanent or just temporary? Nobody could know. Can Nino learn reading his thoughts, his past and his true feelings? Ohno was very afraid of that, he must hide it from Nino, the younger mustn't discover his dark past.
"You're worried..." Nino said.
"Eh?!"
"I can feel it, it's strange, I can feel your feelings..."
"Don't say that, it's stupid and impossible." Ohno answered.
"You're afraid, ne? You're afraid I can know all about you, despite your advices I'm sure you're not perfect and you're afraid because now, you're weak, I can read your feelings, you can't hide it from me." Ohno could hear Nino’s smirk.
The older didn't answer; he knew the younger was right. He sighed deeply; he'll never show his true feelings in front of Nino, never.
Ohno walked to a building and entered.
"Where are we going?" Nino asked, a bit curious.
"You'll see." Ohno answered, softly.
Suddenly, 5 children ran toward him.
"Ohno-sensei, Ohno-sensei" The children cried.
"Hey, how are you?" Ohno smiled, lifted a cute girl and wrapped her in his arms. She giggled and put his hands around Ohno's neck, kissing his cheek.
"I missed you, Sato-chan." The girl pouted.
"Me too, Mana-chan but I was busy, I'm sorry." Artist apologized.
"Daijoubu." Mana said, burying his face in his neck. Ohno smiled and stroked her head before walking in a room while the children followed him.
"What are we doing here? Who are all this children?" Nino asked, annoyed.
Ohno didn't answer and sat on a chair.
"So~ what do you want to sing today?" Ohno asked, with Mana, sitting on his lap.
"Namida no nagareboshi" A young boy exclaimed.
"Yes me too!" A girl added.
"Right, ok for Namida no nagareboshi, Hiro-chan, can you take your guitar?" Ohno asked.
"Haiiii~"
"Sato-nii, can you begin the song, please?" Mana begged.
Ohno smiled and kissed his forehead.
~Sora wo mite goran
Hoshi ga mieru darou
Tada soko de utsukushiku
Kagayaiteru dake sa...~
After a while, the children began to sing with Ohno shocking Nino. Ohno had an amazing voice, soft and strong at the same time. He looked at the mirror in front of him. Satoshi showed a beautiful and true smile for once and the children stared at him with adoring eyes. During one hour, they sang together and for a moment, Nino forgot his pain, closing his eyes and listening to Ohno's beautiful voice. There was power inside it, as if just the sound could heal your heart and made you forget all your problems. A miracle. Yes. Satoshi's voice was a miracle, a wonderful heaven.
"That's all for today." Ohno said.
"Ooohhh, stay a little more, Satoshi-nii!" Mana begged.
"Sorry, Mana, I have to go but I come back next Friday." Ohno smiled.
The little girl sulked a little and didn't want to release Ohno who chuckled. All the children pouted and the sleepy man had to promise he'll bring his drawings for the next time. Nino smiled, seeing how these children loved the older, it was touching and so cute. After 15 minutes of deal, Mana accepted to release her "Nii-chan" in tears. Nino could feel Ohno's broken heart while he said goodbye to her.
"Explain!" Nino ordered.
"They have lost their parents, they live here and one time per week I come to sing with them." Ohno answered.
"Why?"
"I don't know, I need it, I need them, their smiles, their laughs, they make me happy, and that’s all." Ohno explained without saying the entire truth.
"You're closer with Mana-chan."
"I..." Ohno stopped.
At this moment, Nino felt a big pain crossing Satoshi's heart. The idol could feel it and it was so painful.
"What..." Nino wanted to ask.
But Ohno smiled, ignored him and went back home. The idol sighed, he had found something new about him. He understood Ohno wasn't as happy as he wanted others to think. There was something, there was a failure behind all these smiles and Nino wanted to discover what, he knew he could find the shadow in Ohno's life. He was sure there were many scars in the older's heart. When they arrived at home Ohno jumped when he saw Jun, sitting on his sofa with Masaki.
"Jun, Masaki, what do you do in my home?" Ohno asked, surprised.
"Jun wanted to see you and I missed you!" Aiba exclaimed, running at him.
"Who are they?" Nino asked.
"My best friends." Ohno answered in his head.
"The taller is very noisy!"
"Stop lamenting,, Masaki is a wonderful man." Ohno replied.
“Daijoubu, Oh-chan?” Jun asked, a bit worried by his silence.
“Hai” Ohno jumped, coming back on earth.
“Kaa-san asks if it's ok for the 17th?”
“I've got a lot of work.” Ohno lied sadly.
“Liar. I'm sure you just want to be alone.” Jun irritated.
“No!”
“Oh, hontouni? And what is your program this year? You'll drink beers all the night, or sake this time?” Jun asked, anger overwhelming in his whole body.
“Jun, stop it!” Aiba said, putting his hand on his lover's shoulder.
“No!! I'm fed up to see you like that, Satoshi, you destroy yourself!” Jun cried.
"I'm perfectly fine, I told you yesterday." Ohno said, calmly.
"Do you think I'm stupid?! I know you suffer but you don't want to speak about it, I don't know why you think you'll be a burden or weak if you rely on us but you can't continue like that, Satoshi. Don't forget what you did 2 years ago because you wanted to confront it alone!" Jun exclaimed.
Ohno looked at his hand, tears rolling on his cheeks. He wrapped his knees against his chest and buried his face for crying.
"What's that?" Nino asked surprised.
"Nothing, leave me alone!" Ohno snapped.
“Satoshi...” Jun began.
“Shut up, stop that, Jun, I don't want to hear more! You don't understand.” Ohno cried.
“I understand you, you're not the only who suffers, and he was my brother, my brother, Satoshi!”
“Maybe, but I'm able to overcome it alone.” Ohno whispered.
“And then? One day, you couldn't resist if you refuse to share your pain, I try to accept his death but you don't do anything, you just work as much as possible and drink alone on his death anniversary! When was the last time that you danced and sang? If you're really well as you say, why Tanaka called me yesterday because you didn't want to do the show?!” Jun exclaimed.
Ohno gripped his legs, crying more.
“Jun, get out!” Ohno sobbed.
“Satoshi...” Jun began but Ohno cut him.
“Leave me alone! The both of you!” Ohno repeated.
Jun and Aiba sighed and went out of the bedroom.
"Why did you speak like that to them?" Nino asked.
"It's none of your business,” Ohno answered.
"But..."
"Shut up, please, I'm tired." Ohno cut.
He lied on the bed and gripped his pillow for crying. Nino was very surprise; he had never seen Ohno like that. The sleepy man was crying loudly and the younger didn't know why, it was the first time in his life that he wanted to comfort someone.
****
Ohno blinked, feeling the sun on his eyes the next morning. He stood up and walked to the kitchen while Nino groaned because of his tiredness.
"You feel better?" Nino asked.
Ohno didn't answer. Yesterday, Jun showed his true feelings 'in front of the idol' and now, the brat knew Ohno wasn’t as happy as he would make you believe. Satoshi was angry against Kazunari because if the idol wasn't in his head he couldn't see his real grief.
"Are you sulking?" Nino smirked.
"Shut up." Ohno replied, coldly.
Nino jumped, it was the first time Ohno spoke to him like that, and maybe he was angry...
During the next three days Ohno refused to speak to Nino. It was his first argument with Jun and it was very hard for him, plus, he was his lover's brother. Moreover, Nino was very annoying and protested all the day. The first time where Nino saw his apartment, he was surprised to see how it was steady but the atmosphere was very sad, as if a dead man lived there. He noticed a picture on the living room's table. There were two men, one of them was Ohno and the second was a very beautiful young man. They were laughing and Nino noticed how big and beautiful Ohno’s smile on it was.
"Who's he?" The gamer asked.
"Nobody," Ohno answered.
"He's your lover, am I wrong? Where is he?"
"He's dead," Ohno said, coldly.
"I'm sorry,” Nino answered.
Ohno didn't answer and walked to the kitchen.
"Since when is he dead?"
"Three years ago."
"How?"
"You're not tired to ask all these questions?" Said Ohno, annoyed.
"No, like you the first time." Nino replied. "So, how?"
"A car accident"
"So..."
Nino was very surprised; he didn't think Ohno had lost his lover like him. Now, he understood why the older tried to comfort him when they were at his place. He felt guilty for his words which were horrible. But Satoshi had never show his true feelings, in front of him, he just showed a smile and none pain. How could he do it? Why he refused to speak about his grief like Nino with Toma?
Ohno ate his curry when the doorbell rang.
“Yes?” Ohno asked, opening the door. “Jun?!”
“Hello,” Jun said, nervously.
Ohno let him come in and Jun took his shoes off before wrapping Ohno in his arms.
“I'm sorry, Satoshi."
“Jun...”
“I'm so sorry, I said things that I didn't meant,” The younger apologized, burying his face in Ohno's neck while Ohno put his hands on Jun's back.
“It's all right. I'm the one who must apologize. You were alright, I work so much to forget Sho and I had planned to drink for his death's anniversary, I'm so pathetic.” Ohno whispered.
“No, you're not pathetic; you just can't forget my brother. I know it's very hard for you but you have to try to live, Sho wouldn't like seeing you like that, he loved you so much! When I saw him, he always spoke about you, you were his favorite subject,” Jun said, tears rolling on his cheeks.
“Thank you. Thank you for taking care of me all the time”, Ohno answered, stroking his hair.
“Come at our home, the 17th, please.” Jun implored.
“Ok," Ohno sighed. "I'll come."
“Arigatou. Arigatou to love my brother as much. I'll see you soon.” Jun smiled, putting his shoes on.
“You are leaving already?”
“Yeah, I have a dinner with Masaki, I must go prepare myself.” The younger grinned.
“So cute.” Ohno laughed. “You really do love him, ne?”
“With all my soul.” Jun answered.
Ohno jumped at Jun's words. It was the same words that Sho repeated to him.