Until I hate you (chapter 5)
Title: Until I hate you
Author: MatsuAurore
Banner: Lilisan31 <3
Pairing: Ohmiya, Aimiya, Sakumoto (side pairing)
Rating: PG-13 to NC-17
Genre: Au, romance, drama, angst
Disclaimer: A big kiss for my dear Lilisan31 who helped me to find a title for this fic and also lots of ideas, without your help, this fic wouldn't be the same~ thank you my sweet sis' witch <3
Summary: My world fell apart the day he came into my life. My world crashed down the day I met him when my mother introduced him as my new step-father. This day, I learned there was a very thin line between love and hatred.
Chapter 5:
Ohno's pov:
Disgust.
That was the only word that came to me when I looked at my reflect in the mirror. A pure disgust toward myself. I had never been the kind of person who hurt people. I had always been someone who wanted to make his family happy, to be there for his friends. But last night, I had crossed a line. A very dangerous line. I had hurt the two persons I loved the most in my life if you didn't count my parents.
I loved Kazuko. A lot. She was like a sister. A best friend, someone I could talk with when I had doubts. I had started to date her because I knew I would never find someone as kind as her. Who would understand me, would listen to me without judging me. I thought all these reasons were good enough to be with her. But I was wrong. Because it was a lie. A pure lie. For her and for myself. She certainly loved me like a lover while I only saw her like a friend. I knew her story. And I wanted to be here for her.
We knew each other for several years. I met her at one of my exhibitions. She was beautiful, staring at my paintings as if they were the most amazing things of the world. We started to talk and I discovered in her a true intelligence. We went to a bar. She talked about her life, her husband, her son, Kazunari. I immediately hated this man who treated her like a piece of shit but I also immediately loved this so cute boy she always talked about. Her eyes were always shining when she talked about Kazunari. She was so proud of him. Through her stories, I started to love him. I just didn't realize it was love and not just affection like an uncle with his nephew. I helped her when she took the decision to leave the bastard. We became more than friends but not lovers yet. I just knew I wanted to take care of her and of Kazunari. He was incredible. He had this light in his eyes that you didn't see in everybody. This courage and this strength he showed to hide a deep sensitivity and fragility. I think I would be able to look at his smile for hours. Kazu had a special smile. A mischievous smile. Despite his coldness with me at the beginning, I knew him better than that. I knew he was a kind boy who just needed to be loved. He missed his father even if he claimed hating him. We always love our parents even if they don't love us back. I wanted to be his friend, to show him he wasn't alone anymore though, his reactions drove me slowly crazy. He didn't have any respect toward himself, sleeping with random guys everyday. I was so angry because he deserved better. He deserved the best... I just didn't realize I was also very jealous. To see him fucking with these so beautiful expressions painted on his face and knowing it was another man who gave him this kind of pleasure. I wanted to throw him on a bed and to make love to him endlessly, to make him beg, scream my name in despair... I knew these kind of thoughts were horrible but I couldn't control what I felt. Even if I tried to control what I did until yesterday night. I wasn't the kind of guy who dared to take initiatives. Even less with a man. But with Kazu, it was different. At the second his lips had touched mines, my body had taken the control. If I hadn't stopped, I would have made love to him. I would have claimed him, kissing him while moving slowly inside him. I would have...
"Sato!" I jumped as one of my best friends, Ikuta Toma, called my name.
"Huh?"
"You weren't listening to me again!"
"Sorry..."
"Sato is in love~" Hiroki Narimiya (my second best friend and Toma's lover) sing-sang.
"It's not funny baka!" I stuck my tongue out.
"Sato, you know we will always support you no matter what." Toma took my hand. "But... This situation... He is your step son...."
"I know." I sighed. "I hate myself for that. And don't worry, nothing will happen. I won't touch him again..."
"But you love him..."
"And I can't hurt his mother. Plus, he is 18 years old and I'm 30! I'm too old for him!"
"Age doesn't count." Hiro smiled. "And 12 years isn't that big..."
"It's painful but I won't hurt Kazuko. I promised her to be here, to protect them."
"Are you sure? Maybe Nino loves you as well..."
"I prefer not to know. He will soon leave for University so, the problem will be over." Toma and Hiro stared at me with sad eyes. They hated to see me suffer but life wasn't all made of teddy bears and skittles.
When I went home, Kazuko was there, preparing the dinner while humming a song. I loved when she was happy.
"Satoshi..." She smiled when I hugged her.
"It smells nice. I love your cook."
"Thank you. I taught Kazu everything I know and he is better than me now." She smiled.
"Where is he by the way?"
"In his bedroom. Can you go tell him dinner is ready?"
"Hum." I climbed the stairs, anxious. I didn't know how to react and how he would react. "Nino?" I opened his door to find him working on his guitar.
"Mmm..."
"Dinner is ready."
"Mmmm..." He didn't even look at me. I sat next to him and took his hand.
"I'm sorry for yesterday night..."
"Why?"
"I... I went too far... I... I'm sorry."
"Did you like it?" He turned his head to look at me for the first time, letting me see the pain in his eyes.
"It doesn't matter if I did or not."
"For me it does."
"Kazu..."
"Did you like it? Did you like kissing me? Did you like touching me while we were dry humping? Did you like almost making love to me?"
"No." A pure lie but I had to be the adult. I had to stop that. Sadness shone in his eyes, breaking my heart.
"I see... Then, there is nothing to say anymore. Don't worry, I'll be gone before the end of the week." He stood up, wiped his tears and left the bedroom under my sad eyes. I lowered my head, clenching my fists in anger. It was even more painful than I thought. But I had to be strong and adult. It was horrible to hurt Kazu and it would be even more painful if I had to also hurt Kazuko.
The next days were painful. Very painful. Nino was ignoring me, came home very late or even stayed at Jun's place. I almost never saw him during several days.
"Kazuko?" I asked two weeks later as I was coming home.
"Hum?"
"I haven't seen Kazunari for several days, where is he?"
"Gone."
"Eh?"
"He has found a small apartment next to his new university so, he left earlier. I feel sad, my baby is leaving me..." She sighed.
"What?! Gone?! But..." I ran toward Nino's bedroom and realized he was really gone. His belongings had disappeared and the room was empty. I stared at the floor with sadness. He didn't even say goodbye. He left without a word... I didn't feel the tears rolling down my cheeks immediately. It hurt even more than I thought.
"Satoshi? Are you okay?" Kazuko asked.
"Hum... I just feel sad he didn't tell me goodbye..."
"Don't worry, he will come home soon for the week-end."
"Okay."
But despite her words, I was slowly diving into depression. I worked too much, didn't eat well and was staring for hours at a picture of Kazu. I missed his smile, his jokes, his laugh and his music. I was used to listen to him every night when he played for me. I always treasured these moments but now, all I had was an empty dark living room when I went home while Kazuko was still at work. Our relationship wasn't well too. I avoided her a lot and couldn't look at her without feeling bad as she looked like Nino a lot. But she never said anything. Because she was too kind. She didn't want to fight. So, I tried to make some efforts but sleeping with her was impossible now. Before what happened with Nino, we did it. Not very often as it was very hard for me to make love with a woman but I always managed to succeed with a magic pill or while imagining Kazu. I was disgusting. I was a garbage. How could I be so cruel with her when I liked her a lot? How could I be so in love that I would destroy a woman who loved me? It's when I realized love could make you act cruelly.
Nino didn't come home for three months. I hadn't any news except some things from Kazuko. 'He is fine', 'he works hard', 'he has a boyfriend', 'he will come home asap'... I was becoming crazy. If I couldn't have him, at least, I wanted to see him, to see his smile and to hear his voice. After many hours at trying to think about Kazuko and his happiness, I decided to act. I would make her suffer but I couldn't stay like that anymore. I needed him too much.
One day, I went to his University to see him. He was thinner than before and looked tired but I wasn't surprised to see he was the best student of the school. He would go very far but he deserved it.
"He isn't well." I jumped and turned to see Jun next to me looking at Nino with sadness.
"What..."
"I don't know what you did to him or how far you two went but he isn't happy."
"I don't know what you mean..."
"Please, don't take me for an idiot. Do you really think I have never realized how you looked at him. And how he looked you? It's so obvious."
"It's bad..."
"Yes it is. You are hurting his mother. You are hurting him and yourself too. It's not normal. You're his step-father even if you're not married to Kazuko-san. You should leave their lives, the previous bastard hurt them enough...."
"But?"
"But Kazu has never smiled like he smiles when he is with you. He loves you. Too much. And being away from you destroys him. So, take him back. Make him happy."
"It's not so easy..."
"Because of Kazuko? Do you really think you are making her happy right now, staring and stalking the man you love? Thinking every second about her own son... Do you really think it's not crueler than being honest with her? You lie to her. You pity her and it's the worse. Be honest for once in your life and act like a man." Jun said coldly and put a piece of paper in my hand.
"Wha..."
"Kazu's address. If you decide to stop lying to them." Jun said before leaving. I stared at the paper for several minutes before taking a decision. It would be horrible for Kazuko but Jun was right, staying with her and lying was crueler.
I waited in a café before going to the address on the paper. I rang with a shaking hand and shivered when I heard Nino's voice.
"Yes? I... Ohno?!" His eyes widened when he saw me.
"Hello Kazu..."
"What are you doing here?" His cold tone made me freeze a bit but I shook my head. I was there for a good reason.
"Can we talk?"
"There is nothing to say." Nino snapped and tried to close his door but I was faster and pushed it roughly to come inside. "Get out!"
"Kazu, please!"
"Don't call me Kazu! Do you know how much I'm working to forget you?!! And you, you come here and destroy all the efforts I gave!!" Nino cried angrily, tears rolling down his cheeks.
"I feel the same but I can't stand it anymore. I need to talk to you... Please..." I took his hand but he fought and I pulled him in a hug.
"Leave... Please..." He whispered with a shaking voice. My Kazu... I'm so sorry for hurting you...
"Kazu... Listen to me..." I looked at him, wiping his tears. Even like that he was so beautiful. I stroked his cheek and kissed him softly. Damn, how much I missed his lips on mines! I quickly pushed my tongue in his mouth, deepening the kiss that became rougher and full of despair. I didn't even protest when his hands opened my shirt that quickly fell on the ground. I shivered under his caresses on my chest and moaned softly when he took off my belt, his fingers brushing my already painful member. We were going too far. I hadn't planned to do it but I couldn't stop... I didn't want to stop. I wanted to do him. To make love to him with despair and love.
"Take my clothes off..." He whispered in my ear. I shivered again and obeyed, leaving him soon naked against me. We kissed slowly but deeply, moaning as our hands were traveling on our mutual skins to get their doses after all this time. When I felt him raising his leg, I lifted him up, wrapping them around my waist. "Make love to me... No need to prepare me..." His voice was full of despair and impatience. I kissed his neck, sticking him against the wall until he lowered himself on my painful member. I gasped, surprised by the pleasure and attacked his lips while starting to move.
I thought this act would make me feel horrible but right now, I just felt like the luckiest man of the world and also as if I was in Paradise.
To be continued...
A/N: Please don’t hate me… I hadn’t planned things to turn like that, to be honest they weren’t mean to sleep together (don’t worry, the NC part will be in the next chapter xD) but my hands decided to write it this way (Lili, you will understand what I mean xD) they both suffer a lot and Ohchan has finally decides to be honest with his own feelings but it’s not that easy as there is Kazuko and Nino refuses to hurt his mother… Things are really complicated but let’s see what happens in the next chapter :D
Author: MatsuAurore
Banner: Lilisan31 <3
Pairing: Ohmiya, Aimiya, Sakumoto (side pairing)
Rating: PG-13 to NC-17
Genre: Au, romance, drama, angst
Disclaimer: A big kiss for my dear Lilisan31 who helped me to find a title for this fic and also lots of ideas, without your help, this fic wouldn't be the same~ thank you my sweet sis' witch <3
Summary: My world fell apart the day he came into my life. My world crashed down the day I met him when my mother introduced him as my new step-father. This day, I learned there was a very thin line between love and hatred.
Chapter 5:
Ohno's pov:
Disgust.
That was the only word that came to me when I looked at my reflect in the mirror. A pure disgust toward myself. I had never been the kind of person who hurt people. I had always been someone who wanted to make his family happy, to be there for his friends. But last night, I had crossed a line. A very dangerous line. I had hurt the two persons I loved the most in my life if you didn't count my parents.
I loved Kazuko. A lot. She was like a sister. A best friend, someone I could talk with when I had doubts. I had started to date her because I knew I would never find someone as kind as her. Who would understand me, would listen to me without judging me. I thought all these reasons were good enough to be with her. But I was wrong. Because it was a lie. A pure lie. For her and for myself. She certainly loved me like a lover while I only saw her like a friend. I knew her story. And I wanted to be here for her.
We knew each other for several years. I met her at one of my exhibitions. She was beautiful, staring at my paintings as if they were the most amazing things of the world. We started to talk and I discovered in her a true intelligence. We went to a bar. She talked about her life, her husband, her son, Kazunari. I immediately hated this man who treated her like a piece of shit but I also immediately loved this so cute boy she always talked about. Her eyes were always shining when she talked about Kazunari. She was so proud of him. Through her stories, I started to love him. I just didn't realize it was love and not just affection like an uncle with his nephew. I helped her when she took the decision to leave the bastard. We became more than friends but not lovers yet. I just knew I wanted to take care of her and of Kazunari. He was incredible. He had this light in his eyes that you didn't see in everybody. This courage and this strength he showed to hide a deep sensitivity and fragility. I think I would be able to look at his smile for hours. Kazu had a special smile. A mischievous smile. Despite his coldness with me at the beginning, I knew him better than that. I knew he was a kind boy who just needed to be loved. He missed his father even if he claimed hating him. We always love our parents even if they don't love us back. I wanted to be his friend, to show him he wasn't alone anymore though, his reactions drove me slowly crazy. He didn't have any respect toward himself, sleeping with random guys everyday. I was so angry because he deserved better. He deserved the best... I just didn't realize I was also very jealous. To see him fucking with these so beautiful expressions painted on his face and knowing it was another man who gave him this kind of pleasure. I wanted to throw him on a bed and to make love to him endlessly, to make him beg, scream my name in despair... I knew these kind of thoughts were horrible but I couldn't control what I felt. Even if I tried to control what I did until yesterday night. I wasn't the kind of guy who dared to take initiatives. Even less with a man. But with Kazu, it was different. At the second his lips had touched mines, my body had taken the control. If I hadn't stopped, I would have made love to him. I would have claimed him, kissing him while moving slowly inside him. I would have...
"Sato!" I jumped as one of my best friends, Ikuta Toma, called my name.
"Huh?"
"You weren't listening to me again!"
"Sorry..."
"Sato is in love~" Hiroki Narimiya (my second best friend and Toma's lover) sing-sang.
"It's not funny baka!" I stuck my tongue out.
"Sato, you know we will always support you no matter what." Toma took my hand. "But... This situation... He is your step son...."
"I know." I sighed. "I hate myself for that. And don't worry, nothing will happen. I won't touch him again..."
"But you love him..."
"And I can't hurt his mother. Plus, he is 18 years old and I'm 30! I'm too old for him!"
"Age doesn't count." Hiro smiled. "And 12 years isn't that big..."
"It's painful but I won't hurt Kazuko. I promised her to be here, to protect them."
"Are you sure? Maybe Nino loves you as well..."
"I prefer not to know. He will soon leave for University so, the problem will be over." Toma and Hiro stared at me with sad eyes. They hated to see me suffer but life wasn't all made of teddy bears and skittles.
When I went home, Kazuko was there, preparing the dinner while humming a song. I loved when she was happy.
"Satoshi..." She smiled when I hugged her.
"It smells nice. I love your cook."
"Thank you. I taught Kazu everything I know and he is better than me now." She smiled.
"Where is he by the way?"
"In his bedroom. Can you go tell him dinner is ready?"
"Hum." I climbed the stairs, anxious. I didn't know how to react and how he would react. "Nino?" I opened his door to find him working on his guitar.
"Mmm..."
"Dinner is ready."
"Mmmm..." He didn't even look at me. I sat next to him and took his hand.
"I'm sorry for yesterday night..."
"Why?"
"I... I went too far... I... I'm sorry."
"Did you like it?" He turned his head to look at me for the first time, letting me see the pain in his eyes.
"It doesn't matter if I did or not."
"For me it does."
"Kazu..."
"Did you like it? Did you like kissing me? Did you like touching me while we were dry humping? Did you like almost making love to me?"
"No." A pure lie but I had to be the adult. I had to stop that. Sadness shone in his eyes, breaking my heart.
"I see... Then, there is nothing to say anymore. Don't worry, I'll be gone before the end of the week." He stood up, wiped his tears and left the bedroom under my sad eyes. I lowered my head, clenching my fists in anger. It was even more painful than I thought. But I had to be strong and adult. It was horrible to hurt Kazu and it would be even more painful if I had to also hurt Kazuko.
The next days were painful. Very painful. Nino was ignoring me, came home very late or even stayed at Jun's place. I almost never saw him during several days.
"Kazuko?" I asked two weeks later as I was coming home.
"Hum?"
"I haven't seen Kazunari for several days, where is he?"
"Gone."
"Eh?"
"He has found a small apartment next to his new university so, he left earlier. I feel sad, my baby is leaving me..." She sighed.
"What?! Gone?! But..." I ran toward Nino's bedroom and realized he was really gone. His belongings had disappeared and the room was empty. I stared at the floor with sadness. He didn't even say goodbye. He left without a word... I didn't feel the tears rolling down my cheeks immediately. It hurt even more than I thought.
"Satoshi? Are you okay?" Kazuko asked.
"Hum... I just feel sad he didn't tell me goodbye..."
"Don't worry, he will come home soon for the week-end."
"Okay."
But despite her words, I was slowly diving into depression. I worked too much, didn't eat well and was staring for hours at a picture of Kazu. I missed his smile, his jokes, his laugh and his music. I was used to listen to him every night when he played for me. I always treasured these moments but now, all I had was an empty dark living room when I went home while Kazuko was still at work. Our relationship wasn't well too. I avoided her a lot and couldn't look at her without feeling bad as she looked like Nino a lot. But she never said anything. Because she was too kind. She didn't want to fight. So, I tried to make some efforts but sleeping with her was impossible now. Before what happened with Nino, we did it. Not very often as it was very hard for me to make love with a woman but I always managed to succeed with a magic pill or while imagining Kazu. I was disgusting. I was a garbage. How could I be so cruel with her when I liked her a lot? How could I be so in love that I would destroy a woman who loved me? It's when I realized love could make you act cruelly.
Nino didn't come home for three months. I hadn't any news except some things from Kazuko. 'He is fine', 'he works hard', 'he has a boyfriend', 'he will come home asap'... I was becoming crazy. If I couldn't have him, at least, I wanted to see him, to see his smile and to hear his voice. After many hours at trying to think about Kazuko and his happiness, I decided to act. I would make her suffer but I couldn't stay like that anymore. I needed him too much.
One day, I went to his University to see him. He was thinner than before and looked tired but I wasn't surprised to see he was the best student of the school. He would go very far but he deserved it.
"He isn't well." I jumped and turned to see Jun next to me looking at Nino with sadness.
"What..."
"I don't know what you did to him or how far you two went but he isn't happy."
"I don't know what you mean..."
"Please, don't take me for an idiot. Do you really think I have never realized how you looked at him. And how he looked you? It's so obvious."
"It's bad..."
"Yes it is. You are hurting his mother. You are hurting him and yourself too. It's not normal. You're his step-father even if you're not married to Kazuko-san. You should leave their lives, the previous bastard hurt them enough...."
"But?"
"But Kazu has never smiled like he smiles when he is with you. He loves you. Too much. And being away from you destroys him. So, take him back. Make him happy."
"It's not so easy..."
"Because of Kazuko? Do you really think you are making her happy right now, staring and stalking the man you love? Thinking every second about her own son... Do you really think it's not crueler than being honest with her? You lie to her. You pity her and it's the worse. Be honest for once in your life and act like a man." Jun said coldly and put a piece of paper in my hand.
"Wha..."
"Kazu's address. If you decide to stop lying to them." Jun said before leaving. I stared at the paper for several minutes before taking a decision. It would be horrible for Kazuko but Jun was right, staying with her and lying was crueler.
I waited in a café before going to the address on the paper. I rang with a shaking hand and shivered when I heard Nino's voice.
"Yes? I... Ohno?!" His eyes widened when he saw me.
"Hello Kazu..."
"What are you doing here?" His cold tone made me freeze a bit but I shook my head. I was there for a good reason.
"Can we talk?"
"There is nothing to say." Nino snapped and tried to close his door but I was faster and pushed it roughly to come inside. "Get out!"
"Kazu, please!"
"Don't call me Kazu! Do you know how much I'm working to forget you?!! And you, you come here and destroy all the efforts I gave!!" Nino cried angrily, tears rolling down his cheeks.
"I feel the same but I can't stand it anymore. I need to talk to you... Please..." I took his hand but he fought and I pulled him in a hug.
"Leave... Please..." He whispered with a shaking voice. My Kazu... I'm so sorry for hurting you...
"Kazu... Listen to me..." I looked at him, wiping his tears. Even like that he was so beautiful. I stroked his cheek and kissed him softly. Damn, how much I missed his lips on mines! I quickly pushed my tongue in his mouth, deepening the kiss that became rougher and full of despair. I didn't even protest when his hands opened my shirt that quickly fell on the ground. I shivered under his caresses on my chest and moaned softly when he took off my belt, his fingers brushing my already painful member. We were going too far. I hadn't planned to do it but I couldn't stop... I didn't want to stop. I wanted to do him. To make love to him with despair and love.
"Take my clothes off..." He whispered in my ear. I shivered again and obeyed, leaving him soon naked against me. We kissed slowly but deeply, moaning as our hands were traveling on our mutual skins to get their doses after all this time. When I felt him raising his leg, I lifted him up, wrapping them around my waist. "Make love to me... No need to prepare me..." His voice was full of despair and impatience. I kissed his neck, sticking him against the wall until he lowered himself on my painful member. I gasped, surprised by the pleasure and attacked his lips while starting to move.
I thought this act would make me feel horrible but right now, I just felt like the luckiest man of the world and also as if I was in Paradise.
To be continued...
A/N: Please don’t hate me… I hadn’t planned things to turn like that, to be honest they weren’t mean to sleep together (don’t worry, the NC part will be in the next chapter xD) but my hands decided to write it this way (Lili, you will understand what I mean xD) they both suffer a lot and Ohchan has finally decides to be honest with his own feelings but it’s not that easy as there is Kazuko and Nino refuses to hurt his mother… Things are really complicated but let’s see what happens in the next chapter :D