If you say so (chapter 7)
Title: If you say so
Author: Matsuaurore
Banner: Lilisan31 <3
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Ohmiya, Sakumoto
Genre: Au, angst, romance, drama
Summary: Nino and Ohno were living a life full of happiness and love until Nino ran away for a mysterious reason, leaving only a letter to his boyfriend who was decided to pursue him until the end of the world.
Part 7:
I can barely breathe
When you're here loving me
Fire meet gasoline
Fire meet gasoline
I got all I need
When you came after me
Fire meet gasoline
I'm burning alive
Ohno moaned in pain, opening his eyes. His head hurt like hell and everything started to spin around him when he tried to get up.
“Ouch… What the hell…” Ohno stroked his eyes before blinking. He wasn’t in his bedroom and lowering his eyes, the singer discovered Nino on the ground, his head resting on his arms on the side of the bed. His ex-lover was sleeping peacefully, mumbling as if he was dreaming out loud. “What happened?” Ohno sighed, trying to calm his pounding heart.
“Do you feel better?” A sleepy voice made him jump.
“What happened? What am I doing here?”
“You don’t remember?”
“I… I remember I was looking for you under the rain and I decided to go home but after, nothing.”
“We met as I was leaving my apartment. You were all drenched and mumbled incoherent things. I left to take some towels to dry you but you fainted… I called the doctor, you didn’t even wake up. He said you have caught a cold…”
“Shit! Suzuka!”
“I called her to explain… I didn’t want her to come, she could catch your cold and give it to Kazuya-chan…”
“Thank you… You did great, I don’t want Kazu to be sick…”
“I told her you would sleep in my apartment for the night and we would see how you feel this morning.”
“My head hurts like hell but I’m hungry.”
“Okay, then, let’s take a breakfast!” Nino smiled and stood up. “I have left you some clothes, you should take a shower, you’ve sweated a lot…”
“Thank you.” Ohno found the bathroom quickly and sighed in happiness under the fresh water before freezing. Wait. What was the feeling? This situation seemed familiar. Ohno closed his eyes before gasping when pictures of him and Nino flashed in his mind. “I… I dreamt I slept with him?” Obviously, they hadn’t done anything, he would remember it and Nino wouldn’t act like that. “Why did I make this dream?” Ohno stroked his face. As if this situation wasn’t enough complicated, he had to dream about a true porno between his ex-lover and him. And since when was he so bossy in bed? And the way he had left, treating Nino like a piece of shit and making him cry.
“Calm down, Satoshi, it was just a dream because of the fever, I would never try to sleep with him and would never dream about that if I was well… Let’s forget this stupid dream.”
Nino’s clothes fitted him perfectly and Ohno joined him in the kitchen where the younger was trying to prepare what looked like an omurice, cursing as the eggshells were falling in the bowl.
“Let me do…” Ohno tried to take the bowl but Nino pushed his hand roughly.
“I can do it! I’m not impotent!!!” The gamer snapped before sighing. “I’m sorry… It’s what I didn’t want you to see…”
“What do you mean?”
“Me failing in doing simple things and being an asshole with you…” The gamer wiped the tears on his cheeks before Ohno pulled him in a hug.
“You’re not an asshole and you do your best. It’s not easy to cook when you can’t see anything, I’m very touched you tried all that for me…”
“But I have failed!”
“No, you haven’t. You would have if you had given up. Let’s cook together, we’ll try to find a way to allow you to cook some things, okay?”
“O-kay… Thank you…”
“It’s normal, you’ve taken care of me the whole night and I told you I want to help you and be a part of your life…” Ohno smiled, pecking his nose. “Let’s break the eggs, first. I’ll guide you.” Ohno moved behind Nino, putting his hands on the gamer’s, not feeling the shiver wining the younger who had always been weak under Ohno’s hands. “Take the egg like that, feel it properly, then, touch the corner of your bowl to find it. You slap the egg on the corner quickly and not too roughly. Like that, yes! And then, open the shell delicately to let your egg fall in the bowl. Perfect! You did it!”
“But… How do I know if I haven’t made some pieces of shells fall in the bowl?”
“Like that.” Ohno put the shell in his ex’ hands. “Touch it, you can see everything when you touch something, no?”
“Yes but the smaller ones…”
“We won’t die because we ate a tiny bit of eggshell.” Ohno chuckled.
“Okay… And then?”
“Whisk your eggs.” Ohn kept explaining and guiding him for the preparation, both laughing when they made something fall.
“But how do I know it’s cooked enough?”
“Good question…” Ohno bit his lip. “Ah! I know! You can use a chopstick to check the texture! If it’s not cooked enough, it will feel too fluffy.”
“Good idea, it could work.” Nino approved.
Both kept cooking until everything was ready, a pleasant smell invading the room.
“Umai!!!”
“Not bad…” Nino nodded.
“See, you can cook!”
“Because of you… Alone, I don’t know if I’ll be able to…”
“Be positive, baka! You can do it!”
“Thank you, it was fun.”
“I’ll teach you other recipes, you’ll be able to eat other things than bento of a konbini.”
“Ma ma ma, it smells good!” A voice made them jump.
“Jun, when will you learn to knock on the door before inviting yourself in MY apartment?” Nino growled.
“I rang but you two were too far in your little world to hear me.” Jun smirked.
“Ohchan was teaching me how to cook by myself…” Nino blushed.
“I want to taste that, then!” Jun grinned and sat to eat. “Umai!! You did great! Sato is a good teacher!”
“Thank you, it was fun.”
“You should go to bed, Ohchan, you’re still pale…”
“Ah… hum… Yes… Thank you for taking care of me.” Ohno kissed his cheek and left under Jun’s smirk.
“What?”
“Eh?”
“I know this silence, Jun and I’m sure you’re smirking, so, what?”
“You know me too well.” Jun chuckled. “You two get along very well.”
“Like two friends.” Nino shrugged.
“Nino…”
“I won’t try to have him back, Jun.”
“Fine, be stubborn, baka! I came to ask you a favor…”
“Yes, I can keep Manoa for some hours…” Nino sighed.
“Ano… not just for some hours…”
“For the day? Okay but…”
“For Five days in fact…”
“WHAT?!!! Are you fucking kidding me???!!!”
“Kaz’, I trust you and I know Manoa will be safe with you.”
“For some hours, not for days!! I’m not able to take care of a child for a so long time!!!”
“I wouldn’t ask you if it wasn’t so important… Please! You can ask Ohno some help if you need…”
“Why don’t you ask Aiba?”
“Because he won’t be in Tokyo… Tacchon offered him some days in France for their anniversary…”
“Jun, you know I love Manoa and you like my own family but I can’t, it’s too dangerous…”
“Kaz’, Manoa is five years old, and he knows your state, he won’t give you problems…”
“Fine, but if something happens, I won’t be responsible!”
“Thank you!!!” Jun grinned.
“When will you bring him?”
“Tonight if it’s possible.”
“You’re lucky, I’m free, I don’t work tonight.” Nino smirked. “At least, come with Sho and eat with me…”
“With pleasure! You’re the best!!!” Jun kissed his cheek before leaving happily under Nino’s sigh.
“I’m too kind…” The gamer sighed.
“I’ll help you if you want…”
“Weren’t you meant to sleep, baka?”
“I wanted to but I heard you yelling so, I thought Jun was trying to kill you and had to save you.” Ohno joked.
“Baka. He just trusts me too much… I have never taken care of a child for more than one day…”
“You’ll be able to! He is right to trust you, I would also untrust you Kazuya if I needed to.”
“Seriously, go to bed before I kick your ass for saying all these stupidities!”
“Like Aiba said before, you wouldn’t find my butt.” Ohno smirked.
“Are you sure of that?” Nino smiled evilly, making Ohno gulp. “Don’t forget I know my apartment by
heart.” The older realized too late what Nino meant and tried to run in the apartment, laughing when Nino caught him, slapped his butt, making them fall on the bed. “I told you so.” Nino smirked.
“Okay okay, you’ve won, you’re too strong.” Ohno chuckled before freezing a bit. Their faces were so close that it needed only a small move to bring their lips together. The singer stared at his ex-lover intensively, his hand raising to stroke his soft pale cheek. It hurt him to see Nino staring at him without really seeing him but at this moment, Ohno thought he had never found him so beautiful than right now.
“Don’t stare at me like that, it’s embarrassing.” Nino joked.
“I can’t help it, you’re so beautiful… Even more than before…”
“Ohchan… You should sleep, you say stupid things…” Nino blushed.
“I only say the truth.” His finger touched Nino’s lips, making him shiver and close his eyes before slowly, Ohno approached their lips to kiss him. It was a feather-like kiss but both shivered violently, their lips meeting properly this time, savoring the taste of the other before Ohno’s tongue asked for an entrance that Nino gave him without resisting. Kissing his ex-lover was more intense than Satoshi thought, his body reacting quickly and warming as the seconds passed. He had always loved to kiss Nino but after all these years and pain, feeling his lips against his felt like heaven. His hands cupped Nino’s cheeks to deepen the kiss, making them both moan for some minutes until the younger pulled away.
“We shouldn’t have… It’s… Shit…”
“I’m sorry… I… I didn’t think… Forgive me…”
“It’s okay, let’s say it’s because of your fever. Sleep, now.” Nino stood up and almost ran out of the room with red cheeks.
“I’m so stupid…” Ohno stroked his eyes. “Why can’t I resist him…? Why can’t I control myself when he is in the same room…? It’s so painful… What did I do to deserve such a torture?” The singer sighed before grabbing Nino’s pillow to dive his face inside and fall asleep quickly.
Nino moaned when the cold water touched his hard flesh. In three years, it was the first time he got an erection but feeling Ohno’s body and lips against him had made his body react automatically. He had always been addicted to Ohno’s touches and it seemed all these years hadn’t stopped that. The gamer clenched his fists painfully, trying to refrain his sobs. He had to be strong and to resist to Ohno’s proximity before going too far and doing something unforgivable. He wasn’t a saint, of course he refused to destroy Ohno’s family but he was just a man, with a broken heart and an immense desire toward his ex-lover who didn’t seem insensitive to his touches too.
Nino stroked his piano with the tip of his fingers, shivering under this so special touch he hadn’t felt in three years. Deep inside, he knew playing wouldn’t be a problem for him, every pianist could play with closed eyes so, being blind led to the same exercise. But composing was something special he always did for Ohno. Nobody knew that most of Satoshi’s best songs were composed by Nino who only wanted to create melodies in his lover’s shadow. The most important for the gamer was to compose at home, with his boyfriend sat next to him who listened and gave him advice. These moments were always cherished by Nino. In this bubble, they both felt as if they were alone in this world, as if everything outside had disappeared, the bad things, the pressure, the lies. Nino’s music was like a spell, a world where they could be themselves.
“I have to let this feeling go. To move on.” Nino whispered before siting and putting his fingers on the keys. Not seeing them was a bit weird but the gamer quickly found his old habits back and started to play. Tears started to roll down his cheeks. Nino had always thought playing would open his wound even more but right now, all he felt was relief and piece. The pleasure of playing was coming back and even if it wasn’t for his ex-lover anymore, it was here. Maybe because he was born to play. Maybe all these trials happened to make him find his real goal, his real place in this world. In these three past years, Nino had thought a lot about what he would do to win his life, to be useful. After all, what a blind man could do? In almost every job you needed your sight. In an ironic way, he had never thought his talent as a composer and singer could be his new path. Maybe it was about time to leave Ohno’s shadow and realize his dreams. But would he be enough confident to move forward on this unknown road?
“It’s beautiful.”
Nino jumped, only realizing Ohno’s presence now.
“Sorry, I woke you up…”
“I couldn’t sleep so, it’s okay. I’ve missed your music, you still play so well.”
“I think I’ve realized some things. I thought during these three years that I would be useless, that I wouldn’t be able to do anything of my life. But I realize today that I was born for that. When we were together, I only composed for you, not wanting to be known because your smile and happiness were my goal. I was living in your shadow and I liked it. But now, it’s about time to break free and to do that for myself. I can finally let you go.”
Ohno sat next to him with a painful smile, taking his hand.
“I don’t want to let you go, Kazu. I’m alive only when you’re by my side.”
“You have to. You have a family and it’s more important. Don’t make the same mistakes than me.”
“I don’t care about my career.”
“I know that. If it was only a matter of work, I would tell you to get back to me. But it’s a matter of responsibilities. You have a wife and mostly, a son. Do you really think she would agree to let you go for a man?”
“I…”
“I don’t know if she loves you, a part of me thinks it’s not the case, a part of me thinks she sees you like her property but I’m not objective enough to say such things. You know, our couple wouldn’t have worked if I’d stayed. Because I was living for you and not for myself. My only wishes were to make you happy and to live hidden for your dreams. I realize today it wasn’t healthy, it would have led us to a break-up because in a relationship, the two persons have to be independent and have to live for themselves and not for the other. I was living for you.”
“It wasn’t what I wanted.”
“I know. I know you’re not that egoist and you loved me sincerely. But we have to move on, Ohchan and even if it’s painful, it’s the past. We have to get free from each other.”
“I can’t.” Ohno chuckled, crying softly. “You’ve got my heart the day you fixed your eyes on me when I was changing in my lodge. I can’t erase that. And I don’t want to. We are made for each other, Kazu and you can try to fool yourself as much as you want but deep inside, you know I’m right. I understand your wish to keep my family safe from our past but it’s not possible. I’m not happy with Suzuka and I’ve never been. She helped me to survive, to try to forget you but she has never made me happy. In three years, my only happiness came from Kazuya, because even if he isn’t born from love, he is my child and I love him. I don’t want to lose him but I’m not ready to lose you too.”
“Ohchan, you…”
“I won’t force you to love me again.” Ohno stroked his cheek. “But I won’t keep living in this fake happy life. Being with a woman I keep pretending to love is a lot crueler for my son than to be honest and leave her. He is so young and what am I already showing him as example? Lying? A child isn’t stupid enough not to see so obvious things. He is young but when he will get older, he will realize how cold I am with his mother, how fake my words and kisses are. He will hate me for lying and making her suffer, he will only see me like a monster. What is the meaning of getting married if we don’t really love the person we live with? I’ll never let you go of my heart, Kazu. Because I can’t and I don’t want to.” Ohno kissed him softly, bringing him on his lap, his hands stroking the younger’s hips delicately. Nino moaned, locking his arms around his nape before freezing when the door opened.
“Hello!”
Nino got off quickly, almost falling on the ground in panic.
“Uncle Kazu!!!” A little boy exclaimed happily.
“Ma-noa…” Nino stammered with embarrassment, walking carefully toward the boy to take him in his arms.
“Manoa, I told you to wait!” A panting Sho appeared at the door.
“I wanted to see uncle Kazu!” Manoa pouted.
“Sorry, Nino, he is walking fast now.” Sho apologized.
“And you’re getting old.” Nino smirked.
“Oi!” Sho laughed before Jun joined them, lots of bags in his arms.
“Old and not gentleman enough to help his husband holding the bags, boor!”
“Sorry babe, but this little monster was running away.” Sho pecked his lips.
“Manoa is staying with uncle Kazu!!!” The young boy exclaimed happily.
“And you better be a good boy or papa won’t bring you your gift from Paris.” Jun warned.
“Hai!”
“Hello, Manoa.” Ohno held out his arms to the boy.
“Uncle Sato is here too!!!” Manoa grinned.
“Sorry, maybe we’ve disturbed you.” Jun smirked, making Nino blush.
“Not at all!”
“Well, we can leave without any fear as Ohno will help you.”
“Eh??? No, he…”
“It will be a pleasure to help.” Ohno smiled. “I’ll take him out to play soccer.”
“Yatta! Uncle Satoshi is the best!!”
“You won’t stay for dinner?” Nino gasped.
“We can’t, the appointment with the society has been brought forward to tomorrow, so, we have to take the plane in three hours, sorry.”
“I understand, so, see you in five days…”
“Yup. Goodbye my angel, be a good boy with uncle Kazu!” Jun took his son in his arms to kiss his lips.
“I promise!” Manoa hugged him tightly before Sho took him.
“Eat and sleep well, my big boy.” The lawyer grinned.
“Hai!” Manoa hugged him.
“See you in five days. Kazu, I have brought you everything he will need.”
“Okay, I’ll call you if there is a problem.”
“Don’t be so nervous, you will do great, I trust you completely.” Jun kissed his cheeks and left with his lover.
“So, Manoa, we should go out a bit before dinner.” Ohno proposed to the little boy who nodded happily.
“Swimming pool!”
“Manoa, I doubt I can swim, you know I can’t see anything…”
“But there is uncle Sato! He will guide you!”
“Uncle Sato has other things to do and he is sick…”
“It’s okay, I’m feeling better and I would be happy to come.”
“But if you’re seen…”
“Don’t worry, it wouldn’t be my first fake scandal.” Ohno shrugged with a smile. “Come on big boy, let’s prepare the bags!”
“Yatta! Tsuki, come with us!” Manoa ran in the bedroom with the dog following him calmly. Nino chuckled, though, the idea of going to the swimming pool with his ex-lover didn’t make him comfortable. Ohno prepared the towels and swimming trunks before they all climbed in his car.
“I’ll guide you.” Ohno whispered when Nino stayed out of the building, not daring to enter.
“I’ve never been to the swimming pool since I’m blind…”
“I’ll be your eyes, trust me.” Ohno whispered.
“I’ll also be uncle Nino’s eyes!” Manoa exclaimed, taking Nino’s hand.
“Thank you sweetie, I’ll be safe with you two.” Nino smiled.
“Let’s go.” Ohno took Nino’s second hand and led them inside, ignoring the looks on them.
“They are staring.” Nino mumbled when they entered the water.
“And then? Let’s them talk, their lives will be less boring.” Ohno shrugged. “Come on, big boy.” Manoa giggled and jumped in Ohno’s arms happily before climbing on Nino’s back.
“You will be my horse, uncle Nino!”
“Mano… I don’t know if it’s a good idea…”
“Don’t worry, I’ll guide you, nothing will happen.” The young boy hugged Nino’s neck. “Go straight, we will pass under the bridge.”
“Okay…” Nino started to swim slowly, not very comfortable with the idea of swimming. He could feel some looks on him, people sometimes whispering, bringing shame in his heart and preventing him to enjoy this moment.
“What?! You’ve never seen a blind man?” Ohno finally groaned.
“Let it go, Ohchan, it doesn’t matter.”
“Of course it matters! They look at you as if you were an animal parked in a zoo! He is blind and what? He can’t enjoy swimming with his nephew??? Your lives are so boring that you need to gossip about someone who is already suffering? Fuck off!” Ohno snapped.
“How do you dare?!”
“And you, how do you dare to act like that? You should be ashamed of yourself. Would you like if you were blind to hear people talking about you as if you were committing a crime??! I hate people like you, you’re a shame for our country! Come on, Kazu, they won’t spoil this moment!” Ohno took Nino’s arm to lead him farther in the pool.
“You shouldn’t have said that, I’m used to this kind of situation…”
“And it’s not normal. You aren’t the guilty one, I really hate people like that. Now, let’s have fun and forget these idiots!” Ohno finally smiled. “I’ll try to catch you, Manoa, you will have to guide your horse not to get caught.”
“Hai!!!”
After some minutes, Nino started to really enjoy their game and definitely forgot people around them. Ohno was right, he was blind, not a criminal and they hadn’t the right to spoil their moment and to make him feel guilty. They were all laughing when they left the changing room after two hours of games.
“It was so fun, Tsuki!” Manoa explained to the dog when they went home.
“I’ll make the dinner while you put him in pajamas.” Ohno kissed Nino’s temple.
“Hun.” The gamer blushed. They ate in a happy mood, acting like a family but Nino knew these moments would quickly end at the second Ohno would go back to his wife. This thought got his mood down, his heart tensing at the idea. Even if Ohno told him he wanted to leave his wife, it was only words, and even if he did, what would happen if Suzuka decided to make a scandal and to prevent him to see his son?
“Kazu?” Ohno repeated, making Nino jump.
“Sorry, I was lost in my thoughts.” Nino forced a smile.
“Manoa wants a song before sleeping.”
“Oh… sure…” He didn’t even have the force to protest and raised Manoa in his arms to put him in the bedroom he had made for him some years ago.
“Uncle Kazu?”
“Yes, sweetie?”
“Why are you so sad?”
“Eh? I’m not sad.” Nino chuckled.
“You are. You haven’t smile for a moment… and your eyes look sad… is it because of me?” Manoa climbed on his lap.
“No, sweetie, I’m very happy to have you here. It’s just… I’m going to miss you when you will leave. I feel lonely even if Tsuki is here.”
“Oh… Then, I will come more often to see you! And there is uncle Sato. Can I tell you a secret?”
“Of course.” Nino smiled.
“I think uncle Sato is in love with you.”
“Why do you think that?” Nino laughed.
“Because he looks at you like papa Sho looks at papa Jun.” Manoa explained seriously. “He always smiles when he looks at you and he was looking badly at the persons who stared at you.”
“He smiles when he looks at me because he was enjoying our game.”
“No. He loves you. He even said you were beautiful.” Manoa exclaimed, making Nino blush.
“You didn’t hear well.”
“I did! But I don’t agree, because later, I’ll marry uncle Kazu, so, uncle Satoshi is my rival!”
Nino laughed loudly, stroking Manoa’s hair.
“I’ll be happy to have such a cute husband, then.”
“Don’t let him kiss you, ne!”
“Okay big boy.”
“My song, now.” The boy laid on his bed.
“Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star, How I wonder what you are. Up above the world so high, like a diamond in the sky. Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star, How I wonder what you are.” Nino smiled tenderly when Manoa’s breathe changed, showing him he was already asleep. “Good night my angel.” The gamer kissed the boy’s cheek before leaving the bedroom, finding Ohno on the sofa.
“He is asleep?”
“Yes. Thank you for your help.”
“No problem. I have to go, Suzuka is waiting for me.”
“Ah… yes… good night, then…”
“Kazu…”
“Don’t make things more complicated than they already are, please.” Nino snapped and joined his bedroom with Tsuki.
“But Manoa was right…” Ohno whispered sadly. “I love you.” The singer stood up and left the apartment. He had to confront his wife. They couldn’t live in this fake happy life, even if Nino decided to reject him in the end.
To be continued…
A/N: First, I’m deeply sorry for the delay, I had my exams and worked all day, I was too tired to write >< But now, I’m in vacations so, I will have more time to write J
So, Ohmiya didn’t sleep together, Ohno only made a dream. I had put a little hint about that in the previous chapter but nobody saw it, I think it was a too little detail ^^” Of course, they wouldn’t have slept together, even if Ohno still loves Nino, he respects him and wouldn’t sleep with him in such a situation. Obviously, he seems determined to leave his wife for Nino but things are more complicated than that, they aren’t in some kind of fairy tale, so, Ohno can’t act so easily. At least, they spent moments together with Manoa who is such a sweet boy <3
In the next chapter, Ohno will confront his wife and there will have a flash back of their life together (how they met, got together etc…).
See you next week, comments, even the short ones, are deeply <3
Author: Matsuaurore
Banner: Lilisan31 <3
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Ohmiya, Sakumoto
Genre: Au, angst, romance, drama
Summary: Nino and Ohno were living a life full of happiness and love until Nino ran away for a mysterious reason, leaving only a letter to his boyfriend who was decided to pursue him until the end of the world.
Part 7:
I can barely breathe
When you're here loving me
Fire meet gasoline
Fire meet gasoline
I got all I need
When you came after me
Fire meet gasoline
I'm burning alive
Ohno moaned in pain, opening his eyes. His head hurt like hell and everything started to spin around him when he tried to get up.
“Ouch… What the hell…” Ohno stroked his eyes before blinking. He wasn’t in his bedroom and lowering his eyes, the singer discovered Nino on the ground, his head resting on his arms on the side of the bed. His ex-lover was sleeping peacefully, mumbling as if he was dreaming out loud. “What happened?” Ohno sighed, trying to calm his pounding heart.
“Do you feel better?” A sleepy voice made him jump.
“What happened? What am I doing here?”
“You don’t remember?”
“I… I remember I was looking for you under the rain and I decided to go home but after, nothing.”
“We met as I was leaving my apartment. You were all drenched and mumbled incoherent things. I left to take some towels to dry you but you fainted… I called the doctor, you didn’t even wake up. He said you have caught a cold…”
“Shit! Suzuka!”
“I called her to explain… I didn’t want her to come, she could catch your cold and give it to Kazuya-chan…”
“Thank you… You did great, I don’t want Kazu to be sick…”
“I told her you would sleep in my apartment for the night and we would see how you feel this morning.”
“My head hurts like hell but I’m hungry.”
“Okay, then, let’s take a breakfast!” Nino smiled and stood up. “I have left you some clothes, you should take a shower, you’ve sweated a lot…”
“Thank you.” Ohno found the bathroom quickly and sighed in happiness under the fresh water before freezing. Wait. What was the feeling? This situation seemed familiar. Ohno closed his eyes before gasping when pictures of him and Nino flashed in his mind. “I… I dreamt I slept with him?” Obviously, they hadn’t done anything, he would remember it and Nino wouldn’t act like that. “Why did I make this dream?” Ohno stroked his face. As if this situation wasn’t enough complicated, he had to dream about a true porno between his ex-lover and him. And since when was he so bossy in bed? And the way he had left, treating Nino like a piece of shit and making him cry.
“Calm down, Satoshi, it was just a dream because of the fever, I would never try to sleep with him and would never dream about that if I was well… Let’s forget this stupid dream.”
Nino’s clothes fitted him perfectly and Ohno joined him in the kitchen where the younger was trying to prepare what looked like an omurice, cursing as the eggshells were falling in the bowl.
“Let me do…” Ohno tried to take the bowl but Nino pushed his hand roughly.
“I can do it! I’m not impotent!!!” The gamer snapped before sighing. “I’m sorry… It’s what I didn’t want you to see…”
“What do you mean?”
“Me failing in doing simple things and being an asshole with you…” The gamer wiped the tears on his cheeks before Ohno pulled him in a hug.
“You’re not an asshole and you do your best. It’s not easy to cook when you can’t see anything, I’m very touched you tried all that for me…”
“But I have failed!”
“No, you haven’t. You would have if you had given up. Let’s cook together, we’ll try to find a way to allow you to cook some things, okay?”
“O-kay… Thank you…”
“It’s normal, you’ve taken care of me the whole night and I told you I want to help you and be a part of your life…” Ohno smiled, pecking his nose. “Let’s break the eggs, first. I’ll guide you.” Ohno moved behind Nino, putting his hands on the gamer’s, not feeling the shiver wining the younger who had always been weak under Ohno’s hands. “Take the egg like that, feel it properly, then, touch the corner of your bowl to find it. You slap the egg on the corner quickly and not too roughly. Like that, yes! And then, open the shell delicately to let your egg fall in the bowl. Perfect! You did it!”
“But… How do I know if I haven’t made some pieces of shells fall in the bowl?”
“Like that.” Ohno put the shell in his ex’ hands. “Touch it, you can see everything when you touch something, no?”
“Yes but the smaller ones…”
“We won’t die because we ate a tiny bit of eggshell.” Ohno chuckled.
“Okay… And then?”
“Whisk your eggs.” Ohn kept explaining and guiding him for the preparation, both laughing when they made something fall.
“But how do I know it’s cooked enough?”
“Good question…” Ohno bit his lip. “Ah! I know! You can use a chopstick to check the texture! If it’s not cooked enough, it will feel too fluffy.”
“Good idea, it could work.” Nino approved.
Both kept cooking until everything was ready, a pleasant smell invading the room.
“Umai!!!”
“Not bad…” Nino nodded.
“See, you can cook!”
“Because of you… Alone, I don’t know if I’ll be able to…”
“Be positive, baka! You can do it!”
“Thank you, it was fun.”
“I’ll teach you other recipes, you’ll be able to eat other things than bento of a konbini.”
“Ma ma ma, it smells good!” A voice made them jump.
“Jun, when will you learn to knock on the door before inviting yourself in MY apartment?” Nino growled.
“I rang but you two were too far in your little world to hear me.” Jun smirked.
“Ohchan was teaching me how to cook by myself…” Nino blushed.
“I want to taste that, then!” Jun grinned and sat to eat. “Umai!! You did great! Sato is a good teacher!”
“Thank you, it was fun.”
“You should go to bed, Ohchan, you’re still pale…”
“Ah… hum… Yes… Thank you for taking care of me.” Ohno kissed his cheek and left under Jun’s smirk.
“What?”
“Eh?”
“I know this silence, Jun and I’m sure you’re smirking, so, what?”
“You know me too well.” Jun chuckled. “You two get along very well.”
“Like two friends.” Nino shrugged.
“Nino…”
“I won’t try to have him back, Jun.”
“Fine, be stubborn, baka! I came to ask you a favor…”
“Yes, I can keep Manoa for some hours…” Nino sighed.
“Ano… not just for some hours…”
“For the day? Okay but…”
“For Five days in fact…”
“WHAT?!!! Are you fucking kidding me???!!!”
“Kaz’, I trust you and I know Manoa will be safe with you.”
“For some hours, not for days!! I’m not able to take care of a child for a so long time!!!”
“I wouldn’t ask you if it wasn’t so important… Please! You can ask Ohno some help if you need…”
“Why don’t you ask Aiba?”
“Because he won’t be in Tokyo… Tacchon offered him some days in France for their anniversary…”
“Jun, you know I love Manoa and you like my own family but I can’t, it’s too dangerous…”
“Kaz’, Manoa is five years old, and he knows your state, he won’t give you problems…”
“Fine, but if something happens, I won’t be responsible!”
“Thank you!!!” Jun grinned.
“When will you bring him?”
“Tonight if it’s possible.”
“You’re lucky, I’m free, I don’t work tonight.” Nino smirked. “At least, come with Sho and eat with me…”
“With pleasure! You’re the best!!!” Jun kissed his cheek before leaving happily under Nino’s sigh.
“I’m too kind…” The gamer sighed.
“I’ll help you if you want…”
“Weren’t you meant to sleep, baka?”
“I wanted to but I heard you yelling so, I thought Jun was trying to kill you and had to save you.” Ohno joked.
“Baka. He just trusts me too much… I have never taken care of a child for more than one day…”
“You’ll be able to! He is right to trust you, I would also untrust you Kazuya if I needed to.”
“Seriously, go to bed before I kick your ass for saying all these stupidities!”
“Like Aiba said before, you wouldn’t find my butt.” Ohno smirked.
“Are you sure of that?” Nino smiled evilly, making Ohno gulp. “Don’t forget I know my apartment by
heart.” The older realized too late what Nino meant and tried to run in the apartment, laughing when Nino caught him, slapped his butt, making them fall on the bed. “I told you so.” Nino smirked.
“Okay okay, you’ve won, you’re too strong.” Ohno chuckled before freezing a bit. Their faces were so close that it needed only a small move to bring their lips together. The singer stared at his ex-lover intensively, his hand raising to stroke his soft pale cheek. It hurt him to see Nino staring at him without really seeing him but at this moment, Ohno thought he had never found him so beautiful than right now.
“Don’t stare at me like that, it’s embarrassing.” Nino joked.
“I can’t help it, you’re so beautiful… Even more than before…”
“Ohchan… You should sleep, you say stupid things…” Nino blushed.
“I only say the truth.” His finger touched Nino’s lips, making him shiver and close his eyes before slowly, Ohno approached their lips to kiss him. It was a feather-like kiss but both shivered violently, their lips meeting properly this time, savoring the taste of the other before Ohno’s tongue asked for an entrance that Nino gave him without resisting. Kissing his ex-lover was more intense than Satoshi thought, his body reacting quickly and warming as the seconds passed. He had always loved to kiss Nino but after all these years and pain, feeling his lips against his felt like heaven. His hands cupped Nino’s cheeks to deepen the kiss, making them both moan for some minutes until the younger pulled away.
“We shouldn’t have… It’s… Shit…”
“I’m sorry… I… I didn’t think… Forgive me…”
“It’s okay, let’s say it’s because of your fever. Sleep, now.” Nino stood up and almost ran out of the room with red cheeks.
“I’m so stupid…” Ohno stroked his eyes. “Why can’t I resist him…? Why can’t I control myself when he is in the same room…? It’s so painful… What did I do to deserve such a torture?” The singer sighed before grabbing Nino’s pillow to dive his face inside and fall asleep quickly.
Nino moaned when the cold water touched his hard flesh. In three years, it was the first time he got an erection but feeling Ohno’s body and lips against him had made his body react automatically. He had always been addicted to Ohno’s touches and it seemed all these years hadn’t stopped that. The gamer clenched his fists painfully, trying to refrain his sobs. He had to be strong and to resist to Ohno’s proximity before going too far and doing something unforgivable. He wasn’t a saint, of course he refused to destroy Ohno’s family but he was just a man, with a broken heart and an immense desire toward his ex-lover who didn’t seem insensitive to his touches too.
Nino stroked his piano with the tip of his fingers, shivering under this so special touch he hadn’t felt in three years. Deep inside, he knew playing wouldn’t be a problem for him, every pianist could play with closed eyes so, being blind led to the same exercise. But composing was something special he always did for Ohno. Nobody knew that most of Satoshi’s best songs were composed by Nino who only wanted to create melodies in his lover’s shadow. The most important for the gamer was to compose at home, with his boyfriend sat next to him who listened and gave him advice. These moments were always cherished by Nino. In this bubble, they both felt as if they were alone in this world, as if everything outside had disappeared, the bad things, the pressure, the lies. Nino’s music was like a spell, a world where they could be themselves.
“I have to let this feeling go. To move on.” Nino whispered before siting and putting his fingers on the keys. Not seeing them was a bit weird but the gamer quickly found his old habits back and started to play. Tears started to roll down his cheeks. Nino had always thought playing would open his wound even more but right now, all he felt was relief and piece. The pleasure of playing was coming back and even if it wasn’t for his ex-lover anymore, it was here. Maybe because he was born to play. Maybe all these trials happened to make him find his real goal, his real place in this world. In these three past years, Nino had thought a lot about what he would do to win his life, to be useful. After all, what a blind man could do? In almost every job you needed your sight. In an ironic way, he had never thought his talent as a composer and singer could be his new path. Maybe it was about time to leave Ohno’s shadow and realize his dreams. But would he be enough confident to move forward on this unknown road?
“It’s beautiful.”
Nino jumped, only realizing Ohno’s presence now.
“Sorry, I woke you up…”
“I couldn’t sleep so, it’s okay. I’ve missed your music, you still play so well.”
“I think I’ve realized some things. I thought during these three years that I would be useless, that I wouldn’t be able to do anything of my life. But I realize today that I was born for that. When we were together, I only composed for you, not wanting to be known because your smile and happiness were my goal. I was living in your shadow and I liked it. But now, it’s about time to break free and to do that for myself. I can finally let you go.”
Ohno sat next to him with a painful smile, taking his hand.
“I don’t want to let you go, Kazu. I’m alive only when you’re by my side.”
“You have to. You have a family and it’s more important. Don’t make the same mistakes than me.”
“I don’t care about my career.”
“I know that. If it was only a matter of work, I would tell you to get back to me. But it’s a matter of responsibilities. You have a wife and mostly, a son. Do you really think she would agree to let you go for a man?”
“I…”
“I don’t know if she loves you, a part of me thinks it’s not the case, a part of me thinks she sees you like her property but I’m not objective enough to say such things. You know, our couple wouldn’t have worked if I’d stayed. Because I was living for you and not for myself. My only wishes were to make you happy and to live hidden for your dreams. I realize today it wasn’t healthy, it would have led us to a break-up because in a relationship, the two persons have to be independent and have to live for themselves and not for the other. I was living for you.”
“It wasn’t what I wanted.”
“I know. I know you’re not that egoist and you loved me sincerely. But we have to move on, Ohchan and even if it’s painful, it’s the past. We have to get free from each other.”
“I can’t.” Ohno chuckled, crying softly. “You’ve got my heart the day you fixed your eyes on me when I was changing in my lodge. I can’t erase that. And I don’t want to. We are made for each other, Kazu and you can try to fool yourself as much as you want but deep inside, you know I’m right. I understand your wish to keep my family safe from our past but it’s not possible. I’m not happy with Suzuka and I’ve never been. She helped me to survive, to try to forget you but she has never made me happy. In three years, my only happiness came from Kazuya, because even if he isn’t born from love, he is my child and I love him. I don’t want to lose him but I’m not ready to lose you too.”
“Ohchan, you…”
“I won’t force you to love me again.” Ohno stroked his cheek. “But I won’t keep living in this fake happy life. Being with a woman I keep pretending to love is a lot crueler for my son than to be honest and leave her. He is so young and what am I already showing him as example? Lying? A child isn’t stupid enough not to see so obvious things. He is young but when he will get older, he will realize how cold I am with his mother, how fake my words and kisses are. He will hate me for lying and making her suffer, he will only see me like a monster. What is the meaning of getting married if we don’t really love the person we live with? I’ll never let you go of my heart, Kazu. Because I can’t and I don’t want to.” Ohno kissed him softly, bringing him on his lap, his hands stroking the younger’s hips delicately. Nino moaned, locking his arms around his nape before freezing when the door opened.
“Hello!”
Nino got off quickly, almost falling on the ground in panic.
“Uncle Kazu!!!” A little boy exclaimed happily.
“Ma-noa…” Nino stammered with embarrassment, walking carefully toward the boy to take him in his arms.
“Manoa, I told you to wait!” A panting Sho appeared at the door.
“I wanted to see uncle Kazu!” Manoa pouted.
“Sorry, Nino, he is walking fast now.” Sho apologized.
“And you’re getting old.” Nino smirked.
“Oi!” Sho laughed before Jun joined them, lots of bags in his arms.
“Old and not gentleman enough to help his husband holding the bags, boor!”
“Sorry babe, but this little monster was running away.” Sho pecked his lips.
“Manoa is staying with uncle Kazu!!!” The young boy exclaimed happily.
“And you better be a good boy or papa won’t bring you your gift from Paris.” Jun warned.
“Hai!”
“Hello, Manoa.” Ohno held out his arms to the boy.
“Uncle Sato is here too!!!” Manoa grinned.
“Sorry, maybe we’ve disturbed you.” Jun smirked, making Nino blush.
“Not at all!”
“Well, we can leave without any fear as Ohno will help you.”
“Eh??? No, he…”
“It will be a pleasure to help.” Ohno smiled. “I’ll take him out to play soccer.”
“Yatta! Uncle Satoshi is the best!!”
“You won’t stay for dinner?” Nino gasped.
“We can’t, the appointment with the society has been brought forward to tomorrow, so, we have to take the plane in three hours, sorry.”
“I understand, so, see you in five days…”
“Yup. Goodbye my angel, be a good boy with uncle Kazu!” Jun took his son in his arms to kiss his lips.
“I promise!” Manoa hugged him tightly before Sho took him.
“Eat and sleep well, my big boy.” The lawyer grinned.
“Hai!” Manoa hugged him.
“See you in five days. Kazu, I have brought you everything he will need.”
“Okay, I’ll call you if there is a problem.”
“Don’t be so nervous, you will do great, I trust you completely.” Jun kissed his cheeks and left with his lover.
“So, Manoa, we should go out a bit before dinner.” Ohno proposed to the little boy who nodded happily.
“Swimming pool!”
“Manoa, I doubt I can swim, you know I can’t see anything…”
“But there is uncle Sato! He will guide you!”
“Uncle Sato has other things to do and he is sick…”
“It’s okay, I’m feeling better and I would be happy to come.”
“But if you’re seen…”
“Don’t worry, it wouldn’t be my first fake scandal.” Ohno shrugged with a smile. “Come on big boy, let’s prepare the bags!”
“Yatta! Tsuki, come with us!” Manoa ran in the bedroom with the dog following him calmly. Nino chuckled, though, the idea of going to the swimming pool with his ex-lover didn’t make him comfortable. Ohno prepared the towels and swimming trunks before they all climbed in his car.
“I’ll guide you.” Ohno whispered when Nino stayed out of the building, not daring to enter.
“I’ve never been to the swimming pool since I’m blind…”
“I’ll be your eyes, trust me.” Ohno whispered.
“I’ll also be uncle Nino’s eyes!” Manoa exclaimed, taking Nino’s hand.
“Thank you sweetie, I’ll be safe with you two.” Nino smiled.
“Let’s go.” Ohno took Nino’s second hand and led them inside, ignoring the looks on them.
“They are staring.” Nino mumbled when they entered the water.
“And then? Let’s them talk, their lives will be less boring.” Ohno shrugged. “Come on, big boy.” Manoa giggled and jumped in Ohno’s arms happily before climbing on Nino’s back.
“You will be my horse, uncle Nino!”
“Mano… I don’t know if it’s a good idea…”
“Don’t worry, I’ll guide you, nothing will happen.” The young boy hugged Nino’s neck. “Go straight, we will pass under the bridge.”
“Okay…” Nino started to swim slowly, not very comfortable with the idea of swimming. He could feel some looks on him, people sometimes whispering, bringing shame in his heart and preventing him to enjoy this moment.
“What?! You’ve never seen a blind man?” Ohno finally groaned.
“Let it go, Ohchan, it doesn’t matter.”
“Of course it matters! They look at you as if you were an animal parked in a zoo! He is blind and what? He can’t enjoy swimming with his nephew??? Your lives are so boring that you need to gossip about someone who is already suffering? Fuck off!” Ohno snapped.
“How do you dare?!”
“And you, how do you dare to act like that? You should be ashamed of yourself. Would you like if you were blind to hear people talking about you as if you were committing a crime??! I hate people like you, you’re a shame for our country! Come on, Kazu, they won’t spoil this moment!” Ohno took Nino’s arm to lead him farther in the pool.
“You shouldn’t have said that, I’m used to this kind of situation…”
“And it’s not normal. You aren’t the guilty one, I really hate people like that. Now, let’s have fun and forget these idiots!” Ohno finally smiled. “I’ll try to catch you, Manoa, you will have to guide your horse not to get caught.”
“Hai!!!”
After some minutes, Nino started to really enjoy their game and definitely forgot people around them. Ohno was right, he was blind, not a criminal and they hadn’t the right to spoil their moment and to make him feel guilty. They were all laughing when they left the changing room after two hours of games.
“It was so fun, Tsuki!” Manoa explained to the dog when they went home.
“I’ll make the dinner while you put him in pajamas.” Ohno kissed Nino’s temple.
“Hun.” The gamer blushed. They ate in a happy mood, acting like a family but Nino knew these moments would quickly end at the second Ohno would go back to his wife. This thought got his mood down, his heart tensing at the idea. Even if Ohno told him he wanted to leave his wife, it was only words, and even if he did, what would happen if Suzuka decided to make a scandal and to prevent him to see his son?
“Kazu?” Ohno repeated, making Nino jump.
“Sorry, I was lost in my thoughts.” Nino forced a smile.
“Manoa wants a song before sleeping.”
“Oh… sure…” He didn’t even have the force to protest and raised Manoa in his arms to put him in the bedroom he had made for him some years ago.
“Uncle Kazu?”
“Yes, sweetie?”
“Why are you so sad?”
“Eh? I’m not sad.” Nino chuckled.
“You are. You haven’t smile for a moment… and your eyes look sad… is it because of me?” Manoa climbed on his lap.
“No, sweetie, I’m very happy to have you here. It’s just… I’m going to miss you when you will leave. I feel lonely even if Tsuki is here.”
“Oh… Then, I will come more often to see you! And there is uncle Sato. Can I tell you a secret?”
“Of course.” Nino smiled.
“I think uncle Sato is in love with you.”
“Why do you think that?” Nino laughed.
“Because he looks at you like papa Sho looks at papa Jun.” Manoa explained seriously. “He always smiles when he looks at you and he was looking badly at the persons who stared at you.”
“He smiles when he looks at me because he was enjoying our game.”
“No. He loves you. He even said you were beautiful.” Manoa exclaimed, making Nino blush.
“You didn’t hear well.”
“I did! But I don’t agree, because later, I’ll marry uncle Kazu, so, uncle Satoshi is my rival!”
Nino laughed loudly, stroking Manoa’s hair.
“I’ll be happy to have such a cute husband, then.”
“Don’t let him kiss you, ne!”
“Okay big boy.”
“My song, now.” The boy laid on his bed.
“Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star, How I wonder what you are. Up above the world so high, like a diamond in the sky. Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star, How I wonder what you are.” Nino smiled tenderly when Manoa’s breathe changed, showing him he was already asleep. “Good night my angel.” The gamer kissed the boy’s cheek before leaving the bedroom, finding Ohno on the sofa.
“He is asleep?”
“Yes. Thank you for your help.”
“No problem. I have to go, Suzuka is waiting for me.”
“Ah… yes… good night, then…”
“Kazu…”
“Don’t make things more complicated than they already are, please.” Nino snapped and joined his bedroom with Tsuki.
“But Manoa was right…” Ohno whispered sadly. “I love you.” The singer stood up and left the apartment. He had to confront his wife. They couldn’t live in this fake happy life, even if Nino decided to reject him in the end.
To be continued…
A/N: First, I’m deeply sorry for the delay, I had my exams and worked all day, I was too tired to write >< But now, I’m in vacations so, I will have more time to write J
So, Ohmiya didn’t sleep together, Ohno only made a dream. I had put a little hint about that in the previous chapter but nobody saw it, I think it was a too little detail ^^” Of course, they wouldn’t have slept together, even if Ohno still loves Nino, he respects him and wouldn’t sleep with him in such a situation. Obviously, he seems determined to leave his wife for Nino but things are more complicated than that, they aren’t in some kind of fairy tale, so, Ohno can’t act so easily. At least, they spent moments together with Manoa who is such a sweet boy <3
In the next chapter, Ohno will confront his wife and there will have a flash back of their life together (how they met, got together etc…).
See you next week, comments, even the short ones, are deeply <3