F**ck you (part 1)
Title: F**ck you
Author: Matsuaurore
Banner: My lovely Medium-chan, Antimiya88 <3
Pairing: Sakuraiba, Ohmiya, Junma
Genre: Drama, romance, lots of angst xD
Summary: Aiba is gay and loves Sho for a long time but never told him because the caster as a “special view” of gays, the result of his parents’ strict education. But one day, Sho discovers the truth and Aiba’s world falls apart.
Disclaimer: For my dear Medium-chan’s birthday, Antimiya88 <3 I hope you will like it <3
Based on Lily Allen’s song, Fuck you
Part 1:
Aiba sighed, wishing to be anywhere but here, in their green room, listening to Sho’s babble about his new crush of the week. This man was a true desperate case, dating a new girl every month, thinking she was the good one before discovering her with someone else and ending heartbroken.
With me, you would be happy and I would never play or cheat on you Aiba thought bitterly.
“She is… cute…” Jun said kindly.
“Yes. I think she is the good one, she likes the same things than me. And she wants something serious.” Sho said happily.
“I’m going to pee.” Aiba sighed and left the green room under the caster’s surprised eyes.
“Is he in a bad mood? He didn’t even talk this morning…”
“He didn’t sleep well.” Jun stood up. “I’ll bring him back.”
Jun left and found Aiba on the roof top, smocking with shaking hand. The younger stared at him with sad eyes before joining him, patting his shoulder softly.
“You should move on, Masaki, I don’t think Sho will ever be a man for you…”
“Eh?”
“Please, don’t try to play the dumb one with me. I know you and I have seen how you look at Sho-kun. It’s been ten years, Masaki, you have to let this feeling go, Sho is het or at least, he prefers to think he is het.”
“I know, Jun.” Aiba sighed. “But I can’t stop myself to hope.”
“If there was a chance, I would support you but Masa… Sho is kind of… I mean, gays and him are not a very good pairing, you can’t tell him or there is a risk he rejects you like a friend…”
“You mean he is homophobe?”
“No! He accepts gays but… come on, have you ever seen him with gay friends? The Sakurai are not the kind of persons who are very open to this kind of sexuality…”
“Sho wouldn’t reject our friendship for that!”
“Unfortunately, I have some doubts… Why do you think he doesn’t know I date Toma and that our Ohmiya are together?”
“Eh????”
“I don’t really like talking about my sex life.” Jun chuckled.
“You could have told me!”
“You’re already lost with your feelings for Sho, I didn’t want to bother you…”
“Even Nino and Riida?”
“They certainly have their own reasons. I know for them because I’ve surprised them fucking in the restrooms some years ago.” Jun smirked. “They didn’t tell me either.”
“And we are supposed to be Arashi, we are friends…”
“I know but even the best friends can have secrets… it’s not that I don’t trust you but we have to be careful and for that, we can’t reveal to lots of people. The less you know, the best it is for you.”
“I love him so much, Jun. it’s weird because I have always been with women. I mean, I like breasts and mmm well, vagina. I have never thought about a naked man or about sleeping with a man before.”
“I know. I know you like women, you’re not like me… You’re more like Ohno and Nino, I think…”
“What do you mean?”
“These two perverts aren’t even gays, they just are made for each other. Like you, they had never thought about sleeping with a man before they got together. It’s like you with Sho. You are so close, you know the person so well that you have developed feelings for her. You have fallen in love with Sho, not with a man. Nino has never slept with another man than Ohno and it’s the same for Leader, they aren’t attracted by men, they even often fight because Ohno is jealous when Nino stares too much at a guest during our recording. They love each other so much that they don’t care about their gender, they just need to be together.”
“And you?”
“I’m bi. I think I am because before Toma, I could sleep with women and men. But I have a preference for men.”
“If Sho could be bi…”
“He isn’t, he is totally gay, it’s so obvious.” Jun chuckled.
“Eh???? But you said I don’t have any chance with him…”
“Yes. Not because he is straight but because he is Sho Sakurai and will prefer to lose his dick than to be honest with himself and confront his real sexuality.”
“How can you be sure he is gay?”
“You know, when we were young, I was crazy about him. It wasn’t just fan service, I really was in love with him. I think it’s also why he acted like a true jerk when I was too close.”
“I have always told him he was a dick with you.”
“He knows that.” Jun laughed. “We have talked about it when I started to get more confident after Hanadan. I needed to confront him and he apologized. I don’t feel any grudge toward him for his behavior because it allowed me to be with Toma who was trying for years to get my attention. And it allowed us to get close with Sho. I have observed him so much. Because I thought his reactions toward me were too violent and too weird. I could understand his embarrassment but not his reaction. We were very close and we were friends, he didn’t have to be so rude with me, knowing I was a shy boy. So, I kept staring at him when we were going out all these years and it confirmed my thoughts. Sho is gay but he is a Sakurai and a Sakurai can’t be gay. He has received a very strict education, I don’t even know if his parents tolerate gays but I know Sho has nothing against them. He isn’t homophobe but he can’t have a gay friend because it makes him feel weird deep inside. It’s also for that I told him I had just a stupid little crush for him and that I’m het.”
“Okay, I understand your explanations but what does prove that Sho is gay?”
“Well, when you fuck your best friend, there is a high possibility not to be 100% het.” Jun chuckled.
“Eh????? You mean… You and…”
“Yup. It was when I was 20. I had done a party in my apartment and we drank a lot. Sho was a mess and he jumped on me literally. Luckily, he didn’t remember anything in the morning and I made him believe he had slept with one of the girls.”
“Why did you lie?”
“I almost did. But when I saw the panic on his face, the disgust in his eyes, I decided to lie. I could accept the fact he didn’t love me but I couldn’t accept him to look at me with disgust.”
“How was it?”
“Fantastic.” Jun chuckled. “If only he could have been a bad fuck but he was perfect. I thought he would be more dominating but he was surprisingly submissive.”
“Eh? You did him???”
“No. Because he would have felt it the next morning. And he would have killed me for that, I’m sure. But I managed to make him suck me off.” Jun giggled. “And I took the lead in many other ways. This stiffen Keio boy really likes to let it go in bed, it was a big surprise for me. But it’s one of my best orgasms to be honest. After the ones I have with my Toma.”
“But don’t you think it just happened because he was drunk? It doesn’t mean he is gay…”
“It’s the first time I see a man fucking another man just because he is drunk. Alcohol makes you act like you really are, it breaks your fears and gives you courage. Why do you think people can do crazy things when they are drunk but act like perfect persons when they are sober? And Sho can’t bear the touch of a gay man, because it makes his junior react.”
“I could try to…”
“No, Masaki, don’t even think about it. I’m not telling you all that to push you confessing or trying to make Sho realizes his gay side. I’m telling you that to prevent you to suffer. Sho will never accept his homosexuality. He’s been conditioned by his family, he lives under a big pressure, not being able to act like he wants and it’s worse with Arashi to deal with. What I mean is, even if he realized his preference for men, he will never accept it. He will prefer to live an unhappy life, to lie to everybody including himself than to accept this reality. Because he doesn’t live for himself but for his family and their reputation. If you told him, you would just end heartbroken, I’m sure of that. I don’t want you to go through what I lived. Because I got him one night. I was his and he was mine for a wonderful night but the next day, everything was over and I ended alone with my unwanted feelings and my aching heart. The best thing you can do is to find someone who will treasure you like you deserve it. Even if it’s a man, it doesn’t matter, find someone who will worship you and will make you feel like the most beautiful man of this earth.”
“So, if I had to date a man, you think I shouldn’t tell him?”
“Yes. Because he won’t look at you in the same way than before. It’s why I’m lying to him since all these years…”
“Thank you for your advices, Jun.”
“I’ll always be here for you, you know it.” The younger kissed his cheek. “Be strong, one day, your feelings will disappear, you just need time and good fucks.”
“Is it that great with a man?”
“Mmmm I would say it’s amazing. I prefer sex with a man than with a woman, the sensations are even more intense.”
“Are you… a bottom?”
“What’s this question???” Jun laughed. “I’m a top but we like to switch with Toma, your sex life has to be always different not to get boring.”
“I don’t think I would be able to have a dick inside me.” Aiba grimaced.
“Don’t worry, lots of men like to be taken. And when you are really in love, you don’t care about who takes the lead, you just want to make the other happy.” Jun winked. “But you have to try both just to see the difference, you might like to be taken, it’s also pretty good, it’s just a question of pride.” The younger added with a chuckle before they both returned to the green room where Sho was still talking about his wonderful new girlfriend to the Ohmiya who didn’t seem to listen to him and were devouring each other with their eyes.
“Would you like to go out all together? It’s been a while since drank in a bar.” Jun suggested.
“Why not, it can be fun.” Ohno nodded.
“Sho-chan?” Jun looked at Sho who bit his lip. “C’mon, your girlfriend can wait for you, it’s been so long since we spent the night all together.”
“Okay… But I won’t stay too long.”
Jun rolled his eyes but didn’t add anything, patting Aiba’s shoulder.
“Can I bring Kazama-kun?”
“Aiba-chan, Kazama is gay.” Sho replied.
“And? It’s not like he will infect you.” Aiba frowned.
“I haven’t say that! But it won’t be fun for him to go to a normal bar.”
“You know, Sho, it’s not because you are gay that you don’t go to classic bars. You just sound like an homophobic.”
“I’m not!!!”
“Then, think before speaking. Kazama won’t jump on you, you’re not his type anyway. He has better tastes.”
“What do you mean?” Sho frowned.
“Ma ma ma, let’s go, you will tell Kazama to join us to our usual bar.” Jun cut them off before things could turn bad. He knew his friends well and even if most of the time, Aiba was the one who calmed down the tensions, he also knew how he could turn if he was too hurt by someone.
They all left the Jimushou, climbing in Nino’s car, Aiba carefully sitting far away from Sho, next to Jun.
“I would love to see his face if we went to a gay bar.” The animal lover muttered.
“It would be fun but don’t provoke him too much, you already went far when you said Kazama has better tastes.”
“Have you heard how disgusted he sounded by the idea?! He reacted like an asshole!”
“I know but…”
“Why don’t you tell him you are gay? Why do you prefer to lie? Are you ashamed of yourself and Toma?”
“No, not at all. I just don’t want Sho to look at me differently…”
“If he is really your friend, he won’t care with whom you sleep, it doesn’t concern him after all. Even Nino and Riida shouldn’t lie. It’s bad to lie to his best friends… It makes me sad knowing we can’t even be honest toward each other.” Aiba sighed. Jun stared at him with wide eyes before nodding.
“I admit you are right but at the same time, it doesn’t concern Sho. Why is it so important to know if we are gay or het?”
“Because we know each other for so long and your real friends have to know these parts of you… Even if I wasn’t attracted by Sho, I wouldn’t mind to know you are gay, it wouldn’t change my feelings for you. I would be grateful if you told me a so personal thing because it would mean you trust me.”
Jun stared at Aiba for a moment before nodding.
“Kazu?”
“Hum?”
“Let’s go to the Secret.” Jun asked, making Nino gagged with his own saliva. The gamer threw a quick look to Sho before looking at Jun. “I don’t know if it’s a good idea, J.”
“Please. I’m tired of this game, it’s been too long. I’ll ask Toma if he wants to join us.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
“Is it a special bar?” Sho asked, not understanding a word.
“Yes. You’ll understand why.”
“Jun, I never tried to force you to…”
“I know.” Jun cut him off with a smile. “But you’re right, Masa. We are adults, I don’t have to feel guilty
because of my preferences and it’s bad to lie to his best friends. I’m fed up to hide anyway, it’s about time to be honest.” Jun looked at Ohno who sighed but nodded, agreeing. “I won’t force them to tell the truth but I won’t hide my lover anymore to someone as close as Sho is.”
Nino parked his car, wondering if all that wasn’t a bad idea. Jun seemed determined to say the truth to Sho but for him, it wasn’t a good idea. Okay, it was annoying to hide his relationship with Ohno to the caster but seeing the reactions Sho could have when it was about gays, the gamer had never even thought about making his coming out with Ohno. He hadn’t really felt attraction for men, he’d had lots of girlfriends, mostly one night-stand but when it was Ohno, everything was different. His leader was his world, the only able to read him like an open book, the only one able to understand him, to appease him and make him realize his mistakes. He didn’t care that Ohno was a man, it had never bothered him, the only important thing for Nino was to be loved by his leader, to be treasured. And the gamer would do everything to protect that, even if it meant lying to one of his best friends.
“It’s… a gay bar?” Sho gasped when they entered the club.
“Yup, it’s a very good bar and we will be more in peace here.”
“I don’t want to stay here!”
“Why? There also have het, Sho.”
“Because it’s embarrassing!”
“Don’t worry, they won’t rape you, being gay doesn’t mean you are a bad person, Sho.” Jun replied. “Aiba is right, you seem to have a big problem with gays.”
“And if it created a scandal?!”
“It’s just a bar, it’s not like paparazzi took pictures of us fucking with a man!” Aiba snapped.
“Easy for you to talk, you don’t have a reputation to take care of.” Sho replied.
“What?!!! Repeat! Are you implying I’m less good than you?!”
“No but you’re not a Sakurai.”
“Sakurai are just true stiff asshole who need take off the broom they have in their asses! It’s not because you are gay that you are a bad person or you are not a man!”
“C’mon, you perfectly know gay men are not… real men.” Sho mumbled.
“Sho, do you see me as a real man?” Jun suddenly asked.
“Of course, you’re very manly, you…”
“Then, you’re wrong obviously.” Jun grabbed Toma’s arm who was joining them, not having a clue about what was happening. “Hello, babe.” Jun gripped his nape to kiss him with passion under Sho’s wide eyes.
“Wh….”
“I’m bi. I’m dating Toma for 5 years and yes, we fuck. But it doesn’t mean I’m not a man or will rape you in the shower. I don’t even look at your body when we are naked because you don’t attract me. You have to understand it’s not because someone is gay that this person will try to touch you or will stare at you naked, Sho. So, yes, I’m with a man but you’ll never be as manly as I am because I accept who I am, I’m not ashamed of my man! And I don’t fucking care about what people can think about me!”
Sho stared at him wide eyes, not even able to form a coherent word. Toma, on his side, was as red as a tomato but looked happy.
“I won’t hide you the truth anymore just because I’m scared you will reject me as a friend.”
“I… I need some air.” Sho stood up and left.
“I was sure he would react like that.” Jun sighed.
“He is just shocked, you have thrown a bomb. I’ll talk to him.” Ohno smiled.
****
Sho lit his cigarette with a sigh, staring at the dark sky pensively.
“You’ve hurt him.”
“Sorry to be surprised.”
“Why does it bother you so much?” Ohno asked, stealing him his cigarette.
“It doesn’t bother me… It’s just… I’m not comfortable with gays. It’s embarrassing to see them making out.”
“Have you ever seen Jun and Toma kissed?”
“No because they hid me the truth but now…”
“They won’t kiss in front of you if it makes you uncomfortable. And you’ve never been bothered by Kazu and I’s making out.” Ohno chuckled.
“WHAT??!! You two are gays??!”
“You could say I’m Ninomaniac and Kazu is Ohnomaniac.” Ohno joked.
“But it’s different, you two are just… It’s just so natural to see you kissing and making out.”
“Because Jun isn’t normal?”
“No! I love Jun and he is my friend but… It’s weird to imagine him with a man.”
“Nobody has asked you to imagine.” Ohno chuckled, making Sho laugh.
“My family isn’t found of gays, they are very traditional, that’s why I have some difficulties with gays. I don’t have any problems with their sexuality, it doesn’t concern me anyway but… I don’t know how to explain that…”
“If you really love Jun and us, you will apologize and will tell him you are happy for him and you don’t care with whom he sleeps with. If not, it means you judge his preferences and you are not friends enough to accept that. We don’t ask you to be gay or to stare at us making out, we only ask you to respect us and to be happy for us, like any normal friend would.” Ohno patted his shoulder before entering the club. Sho finally followed him and joined his friends who stopped talking at the second he sat at their table.
“I’m sorry for my reaction, Jun-kun, I shouldn’t have acted like that. You’re my friend and I’m happy if you are in love even if it’s with a man, though, you will have to let me some time to get used to this idea.”
“As long as you still see me as your friend, I don’t mind.” Jun smiled softly.
“I also have something important to tell you, Sho-chan.” Aiba started but gasped when Jun hit his leg under the table, throwing him a warning look.
“Yes?”
“Ano… I’m… I like… I mean, I like to dance, so, would you join me?”
“You know I’m a nightmare when it comes to dance.” Sho chuckled, Jun sighing in relief.
“Okay, then, I’ll find some girls to keep me company.” Aiba drank his glass in one go and stood up to join the dance floor.
“Let’s go too, baby?” Jun looked at Toma who nodded, trying to understand the whole situation. Both left the table to join Aiba who was looking for a girl in this crew mostly composed of men. “Were you really ready to tell him you like him or you like men?!”
“I wanted to be honest like you did…”
“Masaki, Sho won’t react in the same way than for me and our Ohmiya. How can I explain… Hmmm… Sho is scared of me.”
“Eh???” Aiba burst out laughing.
“I have a very strong character, maybe even stronger than him. He knows how I can be harsh and how I can defend myself. That’s why he has to respect my love life but you…”
“Do you imply I’m like some kind of puppy?”
“I perfectly know you aren’t. I know you more than you think, I know you can be the biggest seducer of our group, I know you can be very dominant and that you have such a stubborn and strong character but Sho… C’mon, Sho is still on another planet, for him, you’re like some kind of kitty who appeases the mood when we are fighting, who play the dumb one to make us laugh and you are the clumsy one in his eyes. He hasn’t realized or doesn’t want to realize how you really are. I’m sure he hasn’t even seen how much he can follow you like a puppy when you want something from him.”
“He is right.” Toma nodded. “Sho-kun is a bit dumb when it comes to you. It’s as if he wasn’t seeing the real you.”
“Even Ohchan and Nino can confirm what we say.”
“Then, I’ll show him who I really am. I can accept his rejection but I won’t accept him to judge me if I decide to be with a man.” Aiba said seriously before walking toward a girl who was talking with her friend.
“Mmmm it’s not good, he will bring both if he is determined.”
“You mean…”
“He will fuck these two girls, not just the first one.”
“Lucky him.”
“Oi!!!” Jun growled.
“I’m just saying he is lucky to have both. He is free so, he can enjoy things like that.”
“Toma, are you telling me you want a threesome?”
“No!! I would have liked it when we weren’t together but now, I only need you.”
“Good, because I don’t share.” Jun mumbled.
“You’re cute when you’re jealous.” Toma chuckled, kissing his cheek.
“I’m not!”
“You were right, your pride and your character are worse than Sho-kun’s.” Toma laughed, hugging his boyfriend who chuckled. “Be careful babe, we are in a bar.”
“I can hug my best friend without any weird meaning.” Toma winked.
“Babe, in a gay bar, nothing is innocent.” Jun laughed.
****
Aiba brought the two girls at their table under Sho’s astonished gaze.
“Let’s drink, it’s my round, ladies.”
“Thank you Aiba-san!”
“Everything for such beautiful ladies.” Aiba grinned, passing his hand in his hair in a seducing way, making the girls’ eyes shine. Sho, on the other hand, was staring at the scene with his mouth wide open.
“You’re going to swallow a fly, Sho.” Nino smirked.
“I’m just… surprised…”
“What did you think? He is Aiba Masaki, it’s pretty regular that he spends the night with more than one girl. He has never spent a night alone except when he is drunk.
“How do you know that?”
“You would also now it if you paid him more attention. It’s not because he has to play the role of ‘Aibaka’ in front of the camera that he is like that. You should know that after all these years.”
“I…”
“Well, we’re going to let you, I’d like some privacy with these two little diamonds.” Aiba suddenly said, standing up and giving his arms to the two girls before leaving the club.
“Lucky him, two in one go and he didn’t pick the ugliest.” Nino chuckled before whining when Ohno slapped his head.
“I’m still here in case you’ve forgotten, brat!”
“Is Toshi jealous?” Nino smirked.
“Of course I am when you stare like that at women.” Ohno muttered.
“You’ll make me pay tonight.” Nino winked.
“If you could stop your allusions, I would feel better.” Sho protested.
“C’mon, don’t play your prude, Sho-kun, it’s not the first time we make out in front of you.”
“Yes, but before, you were het.”
“We are still het, we just love each other, is it that bad?”
“Aren’t you scared for Arashi?”
“Not really. We love Arashi but it’s not all our life, one day, we will certainly stop it anyway. And people are so used to see us touching each other that it doesn’t look suspect. The ones who have to be careful are Jun and Toma. But Jun is such a controlling freak that they will never get caught.”
“I thought MatsuJun was with Ishihara-san…”
“You’re meant to be from Keio, baka, why do you think we let these fucking idiots of paparazzi take pictures of us with girls?” Nino rolled his eyes.
“To have a cover?”
“Wonderful, your neurons have connected! As much as our fans love fan service, most of them would never accept us to be gay or bi, that’s the sad reality. It’s stupid when you think about it because even if were completely het, we wouldn’t date her anyway, so, being gay or bi doesn’t change anything, we’ll never be with one of them.” Nino shrugged. “You should try with a man.” The brat smirked, making Sho gag with his beer.
“Are you crazy?!”
“What? Have I shocked our dear hung-up Keio boy?”
“I’m not gay, that’s all.” Sho replied. “Why do you want to turn every man you know, gay? Is it that bad to be het?”
“No, when it’s what you really are. C’mon Toshi, let’s go home and fuck, MatsuJun and his bitch have already run away to do dirty things. Goodnight, Sho-kun!” Nino grabbed Ohno’s arm to leave the club under Sho’s shocked eyes.
“And we were meant to spend the night all together. I should find other friends.” Sho muttered.
“Hey, cutie, you’re alone?” A man sat next to him.
“Yes, but I’m not gay, so, you should find someone else.” Sho made a fake smile.
“Sho Sakurai, not gay?” The man chuckled. “And I’m the queen Elizabeth.”
“Think what you want and stop being so familiar, we don’t know each other.”
“I know, because if we did, you would be addicted to my ass.”
Sho grimaced and left the bar quickly, not supporting this ambiance anymore. Ignoring the strokes on his butt, the caster went out and climbed in a taxi, impatient to be in his bed with his girlfriend.
The next morning, Sho entered the green room in a bad mood, sighing when a cheerful Aiba followed him, talking to Jun about the two girls he had put in his bed the previous night. The caster couldn’t help but feel jealous because in all his life, he had never managed to have more than one girl per night. Sex was more a duty for him or just a way to have a release and if he could, he wouldn’t even have sex at all, it was a pure loss of time for his precious calendar. Luckily, his actual girlfriend wasn’t very fond of sex, so, they didn’t have to make it often.
“They were so hot! That’s why I prefer threesome, because the girls wanting that are not shy in bed and won’t complain to suck you off or to make it in hot positions!”
“Japanese girls are a bit shy when it comes to sex, it’s true but maybe they need time and trust to be wilder in bed.” Jun nodded. “That’s why I have always preferred men, they aren’t shy at all for that, and the
pleasure is so intense.”
“Maybe I should try to fuck a man just to see.” Aiba chuckled.
“Could you stop trying to turn Aiba-chan gay, MatsuJun.” Sho sighed.
“I’m not trying to turn him gay, he would be very stupid to choose his sexuality depending on mine.”
“And if I was gay?” Aiba frowned. “Would you be disgusted?” The animal lover stared at Sho with dark eyes but also fear, not knowing how he would react if his friend rejected him.
To be continued…
A/N: I’m sorry for this weird cut but I haven’t finished this fic and my dear Andy was too impatient to wait (and I had to apology for spoiling her -not on purpose- the last episode of Kizoku tantei) so, I had to post a first part and to cut it here because this story is too long xD
Aiba’s character is based on Gozen-sama’s character and it’s also how I think the ‘real’ Aiba is (yes, for me, Aiba is a womanizer and is the dominating type of guy with a strong character xD). In this story, our dear animal lover will impose himself a lot toward Sho and won’t be “Aiba-chan” like lots of people think he is (I really don’t like ‘Aiba-chan’) J I hope you will enjoy this fic (of course, I don’t think Sho is an homophobe, his ‘special’ character is only for the story xD).
And of course, I haven’t forgotten the fic ‘Chandelier’, I will start to post it soon and once it will be finished, I’ll post ‘To your eternity’ :D See you soon, comments, even short ones are deeply <3
Author: Matsuaurore
Banner: My lovely Medium-chan, Antimiya88 <3
Pairing: Sakuraiba, Ohmiya, Junma
Genre: Drama, romance, lots of angst xD
Summary: Aiba is gay and loves Sho for a long time but never told him because the caster as a “special view” of gays, the result of his parents’ strict education. But one day, Sho discovers the truth and Aiba’s world falls apart.
Disclaimer: For my dear Medium-chan’s birthday, Antimiya88 <3 I hope you will like it <3
Based on Lily Allen’s song, Fuck you
Part 1:
Aiba sighed, wishing to be anywhere but here, in their green room, listening to Sho’s babble about his new crush of the week. This man was a true desperate case, dating a new girl every month, thinking she was the good one before discovering her with someone else and ending heartbroken.
With me, you would be happy and I would never play or cheat on you Aiba thought bitterly.
“She is… cute…” Jun said kindly.
“Yes. I think she is the good one, she likes the same things than me. And she wants something serious.” Sho said happily.
“I’m going to pee.” Aiba sighed and left the green room under the caster’s surprised eyes.
“Is he in a bad mood? He didn’t even talk this morning…”
“He didn’t sleep well.” Jun stood up. “I’ll bring him back.”
Jun left and found Aiba on the roof top, smocking with shaking hand. The younger stared at him with sad eyes before joining him, patting his shoulder softly.
“You should move on, Masaki, I don’t think Sho will ever be a man for you…”
“Eh?”
“Please, don’t try to play the dumb one with me. I know you and I have seen how you look at Sho-kun. It’s been ten years, Masaki, you have to let this feeling go, Sho is het or at least, he prefers to think he is het.”
“I know, Jun.” Aiba sighed. “But I can’t stop myself to hope.”
“If there was a chance, I would support you but Masa… Sho is kind of… I mean, gays and him are not a very good pairing, you can’t tell him or there is a risk he rejects you like a friend…”
“You mean he is homophobe?”
“No! He accepts gays but… come on, have you ever seen him with gay friends? The Sakurai are not the kind of persons who are very open to this kind of sexuality…”
“Sho wouldn’t reject our friendship for that!”
“Unfortunately, I have some doubts… Why do you think he doesn’t know I date Toma and that our Ohmiya are together?”
“Eh????”
“I don’t really like talking about my sex life.” Jun chuckled.
“You could have told me!”
“You’re already lost with your feelings for Sho, I didn’t want to bother you…”
“Even Nino and Riida?”
“They certainly have their own reasons. I know for them because I’ve surprised them fucking in the restrooms some years ago.” Jun smirked. “They didn’t tell me either.”
“And we are supposed to be Arashi, we are friends…”
“I know but even the best friends can have secrets… it’s not that I don’t trust you but we have to be careful and for that, we can’t reveal to lots of people. The less you know, the best it is for you.”
“I love him so much, Jun. it’s weird because I have always been with women. I mean, I like breasts and mmm well, vagina. I have never thought about a naked man or about sleeping with a man before.”
“I know. I know you like women, you’re not like me… You’re more like Ohno and Nino, I think…”
“What do you mean?”
“These two perverts aren’t even gays, they just are made for each other. Like you, they had never thought about sleeping with a man before they got together. It’s like you with Sho. You are so close, you know the person so well that you have developed feelings for her. You have fallen in love with Sho, not with a man. Nino has never slept with another man than Ohno and it’s the same for Leader, they aren’t attracted by men, they even often fight because Ohno is jealous when Nino stares too much at a guest during our recording. They love each other so much that they don’t care about their gender, they just need to be together.”
“And you?”
“I’m bi. I think I am because before Toma, I could sleep with women and men. But I have a preference for men.”
“If Sho could be bi…”
“He isn’t, he is totally gay, it’s so obvious.” Jun chuckled.
“Eh???? But you said I don’t have any chance with him…”
“Yes. Not because he is straight but because he is Sho Sakurai and will prefer to lose his dick than to be honest with himself and confront his real sexuality.”
“How can you be sure he is gay?”
“You know, when we were young, I was crazy about him. It wasn’t just fan service, I really was in love with him. I think it’s also why he acted like a true jerk when I was too close.”
“I have always told him he was a dick with you.”
“He knows that.” Jun laughed. “We have talked about it when I started to get more confident after Hanadan. I needed to confront him and he apologized. I don’t feel any grudge toward him for his behavior because it allowed me to be with Toma who was trying for years to get my attention. And it allowed us to get close with Sho. I have observed him so much. Because I thought his reactions toward me were too violent and too weird. I could understand his embarrassment but not his reaction. We were very close and we were friends, he didn’t have to be so rude with me, knowing I was a shy boy. So, I kept staring at him when we were going out all these years and it confirmed my thoughts. Sho is gay but he is a Sakurai and a Sakurai can’t be gay. He has received a very strict education, I don’t even know if his parents tolerate gays but I know Sho has nothing against them. He isn’t homophobe but he can’t have a gay friend because it makes him feel weird deep inside. It’s also for that I told him I had just a stupid little crush for him and that I’m het.”
“Okay, I understand your explanations but what does prove that Sho is gay?”
“Well, when you fuck your best friend, there is a high possibility not to be 100% het.” Jun chuckled.
“Eh????? You mean… You and…”
“Yup. It was when I was 20. I had done a party in my apartment and we drank a lot. Sho was a mess and he jumped on me literally. Luckily, he didn’t remember anything in the morning and I made him believe he had slept with one of the girls.”
“Why did you lie?”
“I almost did. But when I saw the panic on his face, the disgust in his eyes, I decided to lie. I could accept the fact he didn’t love me but I couldn’t accept him to look at me with disgust.”
“How was it?”
“Fantastic.” Jun chuckled. “If only he could have been a bad fuck but he was perfect. I thought he would be more dominating but he was surprisingly submissive.”
“Eh? You did him???”
“No. Because he would have felt it the next morning. And he would have killed me for that, I’m sure. But I managed to make him suck me off.” Jun giggled. “And I took the lead in many other ways. This stiffen Keio boy really likes to let it go in bed, it was a big surprise for me. But it’s one of my best orgasms to be honest. After the ones I have with my Toma.”
“But don’t you think it just happened because he was drunk? It doesn’t mean he is gay…”
“It’s the first time I see a man fucking another man just because he is drunk. Alcohol makes you act like you really are, it breaks your fears and gives you courage. Why do you think people can do crazy things when they are drunk but act like perfect persons when they are sober? And Sho can’t bear the touch of a gay man, because it makes his junior react.”
“I could try to…”
“No, Masaki, don’t even think about it. I’m not telling you all that to push you confessing or trying to make Sho realizes his gay side. I’m telling you that to prevent you to suffer. Sho will never accept his homosexuality. He’s been conditioned by his family, he lives under a big pressure, not being able to act like he wants and it’s worse with Arashi to deal with. What I mean is, even if he realized his preference for men, he will never accept it. He will prefer to live an unhappy life, to lie to everybody including himself than to accept this reality. Because he doesn’t live for himself but for his family and their reputation. If you told him, you would just end heartbroken, I’m sure of that. I don’t want you to go through what I lived. Because I got him one night. I was his and he was mine for a wonderful night but the next day, everything was over and I ended alone with my unwanted feelings and my aching heart. The best thing you can do is to find someone who will treasure you like you deserve it. Even if it’s a man, it doesn’t matter, find someone who will worship you and will make you feel like the most beautiful man of this earth.”
“So, if I had to date a man, you think I shouldn’t tell him?”
“Yes. Because he won’t look at you in the same way than before. It’s why I’m lying to him since all these years…”
“Thank you for your advices, Jun.”
“I’ll always be here for you, you know it.” The younger kissed his cheek. “Be strong, one day, your feelings will disappear, you just need time and good fucks.”
“Is it that great with a man?”
“Mmmm I would say it’s amazing. I prefer sex with a man than with a woman, the sensations are even more intense.”
“Are you… a bottom?”
“What’s this question???” Jun laughed. “I’m a top but we like to switch with Toma, your sex life has to be always different not to get boring.”
“I don’t think I would be able to have a dick inside me.” Aiba grimaced.
“Don’t worry, lots of men like to be taken. And when you are really in love, you don’t care about who takes the lead, you just want to make the other happy.” Jun winked. “But you have to try both just to see the difference, you might like to be taken, it’s also pretty good, it’s just a question of pride.” The younger added with a chuckle before they both returned to the green room where Sho was still talking about his wonderful new girlfriend to the Ohmiya who didn’t seem to listen to him and were devouring each other with their eyes.
“Would you like to go out all together? It’s been a while since drank in a bar.” Jun suggested.
“Why not, it can be fun.” Ohno nodded.
“Sho-chan?” Jun looked at Sho who bit his lip. “C’mon, your girlfriend can wait for you, it’s been so long since we spent the night all together.”
“Okay… But I won’t stay too long.”
Jun rolled his eyes but didn’t add anything, patting Aiba’s shoulder.
“Can I bring Kazama-kun?”
“Aiba-chan, Kazama is gay.” Sho replied.
“And? It’s not like he will infect you.” Aiba frowned.
“I haven’t say that! But it won’t be fun for him to go to a normal bar.”
“You know, Sho, it’s not because you are gay that you don’t go to classic bars. You just sound like an homophobic.”
“I’m not!!!”
“Then, think before speaking. Kazama won’t jump on you, you’re not his type anyway. He has better tastes.”
“What do you mean?” Sho frowned.
“Ma ma ma, let’s go, you will tell Kazama to join us to our usual bar.” Jun cut them off before things could turn bad. He knew his friends well and even if most of the time, Aiba was the one who calmed down the tensions, he also knew how he could turn if he was too hurt by someone.
They all left the Jimushou, climbing in Nino’s car, Aiba carefully sitting far away from Sho, next to Jun.
“I would love to see his face if we went to a gay bar.” The animal lover muttered.
“It would be fun but don’t provoke him too much, you already went far when you said Kazama has better tastes.”
“Have you heard how disgusted he sounded by the idea?! He reacted like an asshole!”
“I know but…”
“Why don’t you tell him you are gay? Why do you prefer to lie? Are you ashamed of yourself and Toma?”
“No, not at all. I just don’t want Sho to look at me differently…”
“If he is really your friend, he won’t care with whom you sleep, it doesn’t concern him after all. Even Nino and Riida shouldn’t lie. It’s bad to lie to his best friends… It makes me sad knowing we can’t even be honest toward each other.” Aiba sighed. Jun stared at him with wide eyes before nodding.
“I admit you are right but at the same time, it doesn’t concern Sho. Why is it so important to know if we are gay or het?”
“Because we know each other for so long and your real friends have to know these parts of you… Even if I wasn’t attracted by Sho, I wouldn’t mind to know you are gay, it wouldn’t change my feelings for you. I would be grateful if you told me a so personal thing because it would mean you trust me.”
Jun stared at Aiba for a moment before nodding.
“Kazu?”
“Hum?”
“Let’s go to the Secret.” Jun asked, making Nino gagged with his own saliva. The gamer threw a quick look to Sho before looking at Jun. “I don’t know if it’s a good idea, J.”
“Please. I’m tired of this game, it’s been too long. I’ll ask Toma if he wants to join us.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
“Is it a special bar?” Sho asked, not understanding a word.
“Yes. You’ll understand why.”
“Jun, I never tried to force you to…”
“I know.” Jun cut him off with a smile. “But you’re right, Masa. We are adults, I don’t have to feel guilty
because of my preferences and it’s bad to lie to his best friends. I’m fed up to hide anyway, it’s about time to be honest.” Jun looked at Ohno who sighed but nodded, agreeing. “I won’t force them to tell the truth but I won’t hide my lover anymore to someone as close as Sho is.”
Nino parked his car, wondering if all that wasn’t a bad idea. Jun seemed determined to say the truth to Sho but for him, it wasn’t a good idea. Okay, it was annoying to hide his relationship with Ohno to the caster but seeing the reactions Sho could have when it was about gays, the gamer had never even thought about making his coming out with Ohno. He hadn’t really felt attraction for men, he’d had lots of girlfriends, mostly one night-stand but when it was Ohno, everything was different. His leader was his world, the only able to read him like an open book, the only one able to understand him, to appease him and make him realize his mistakes. He didn’t care that Ohno was a man, it had never bothered him, the only important thing for Nino was to be loved by his leader, to be treasured. And the gamer would do everything to protect that, even if it meant lying to one of his best friends.
“It’s… a gay bar?” Sho gasped when they entered the club.
“Yup, it’s a very good bar and we will be more in peace here.”
“I don’t want to stay here!”
“Why? There also have het, Sho.”
“Because it’s embarrassing!”
“Don’t worry, they won’t rape you, being gay doesn’t mean you are a bad person, Sho.” Jun replied. “Aiba is right, you seem to have a big problem with gays.”
“And if it created a scandal?!”
“It’s just a bar, it’s not like paparazzi took pictures of us fucking with a man!” Aiba snapped.
“Easy for you to talk, you don’t have a reputation to take care of.” Sho replied.
“What?!!! Repeat! Are you implying I’m less good than you?!”
“No but you’re not a Sakurai.”
“Sakurai are just true stiff asshole who need take off the broom they have in their asses! It’s not because you are gay that you are a bad person or you are not a man!”
“C’mon, you perfectly know gay men are not… real men.” Sho mumbled.
“Sho, do you see me as a real man?” Jun suddenly asked.
“Of course, you’re very manly, you…”
“Then, you’re wrong obviously.” Jun grabbed Toma’s arm who was joining them, not having a clue about what was happening. “Hello, babe.” Jun gripped his nape to kiss him with passion under Sho’s wide eyes.
“Wh….”
“I’m bi. I’m dating Toma for 5 years and yes, we fuck. But it doesn’t mean I’m not a man or will rape you in the shower. I don’t even look at your body when we are naked because you don’t attract me. You have to understand it’s not because someone is gay that this person will try to touch you or will stare at you naked, Sho. So, yes, I’m with a man but you’ll never be as manly as I am because I accept who I am, I’m not ashamed of my man! And I don’t fucking care about what people can think about me!”
Sho stared at him wide eyes, not even able to form a coherent word. Toma, on his side, was as red as a tomato but looked happy.
“I won’t hide you the truth anymore just because I’m scared you will reject me as a friend.”
“I… I need some air.” Sho stood up and left.
“I was sure he would react like that.” Jun sighed.
“He is just shocked, you have thrown a bomb. I’ll talk to him.” Ohno smiled.
****
Sho lit his cigarette with a sigh, staring at the dark sky pensively.
“You’ve hurt him.”
“Sorry to be surprised.”
“Why does it bother you so much?” Ohno asked, stealing him his cigarette.
“It doesn’t bother me… It’s just… I’m not comfortable with gays. It’s embarrassing to see them making out.”
“Have you ever seen Jun and Toma kissed?”
“No because they hid me the truth but now…”
“They won’t kiss in front of you if it makes you uncomfortable. And you’ve never been bothered by Kazu and I’s making out.” Ohno chuckled.
“WHAT??!! You two are gays??!”
“You could say I’m Ninomaniac and Kazu is Ohnomaniac.” Ohno joked.
“But it’s different, you two are just… It’s just so natural to see you kissing and making out.”
“Because Jun isn’t normal?”
“No! I love Jun and he is my friend but… It’s weird to imagine him with a man.”
“Nobody has asked you to imagine.” Ohno chuckled, making Sho laugh.
“My family isn’t found of gays, they are very traditional, that’s why I have some difficulties with gays. I don’t have any problems with their sexuality, it doesn’t concern me anyway but… I don’t know how to explain that…”
“If you really love Jun and us, you will apologize and will tell him you are happy for him and you don’t care with whom he sleeps with. If not, it means you judge his preferences and you are not friends enough to accept that. We don’t ask you to be gay or to stare at us making out, we only ask you to respect us and to be happy for us, like any normal friend would.” Ohno patted his shoulder before entering the club. Sho finally followed him and joined his friends who stopped talking at the second he sat at their table.
“I’m sorry for my reaction, Jun-kun, I shouldn’t have acted like that. You’re my friend and I’m happy if you are in love even if it’s with a man, though, you will have to let me some time to get used to this idea.”
“As long as you still see me as your friend, I don’t mind.” Jun smiled softly.
“I also have something important to tell you, Sho-chan.” Aiba started but gasped when Jun hit his leg under the table, throwing him a warning look.
“Yes?”
“Ano… I’m… I like… I mean, I like to dance, so, would you join me?”
“You know I’m a nightmare when it comes to dance.” Sho chuckled, Jun sighing in relief.
“Okay, then, I’ll find some girls to keep me company.” Aiba drank his glass in one go and stood up to join the dance floor.
“Let’s go too, baby?” Jun looked at Toma who nodded, trying to understand the whole situation. Both left the table to join Aiba who was looking for a girl in this crew mostly composed of men. “Were you really ready to tell him you like him or you like men?!”
“I wanted to be honest like you did…”
“Masaki, Sho won’t react in the same way than for me and our Ohmiya. How can I explain… Hmmm… Sho is scared of me.”
“Eh???” Aiba burst out laughing.
“I have a very strong character, maybe even stronger than him. He knows how I can be harsh and how I can defend myself. That’s why he has to respect my love life but you…”
“Do you imply I’m like some kind of puppy?”
“I perfectly know you aren’t. I know you more than you think, I know you can be the biggest seducer of our group, I know you can be very dominant and that you have such a stubborn and strong character but Sho… C’mon, Sho is still on another planet, for him, you’re like some kind of kitty who appeases the mood when we are fighting, who play the dumb one to make us laugh and you are the clumsy one in his eyes. He hasn’t realized or doesn’t want to realize how you really are. I’m sure he hasn’t even seen how much he can follow you like a puppy when you want something from him.”
“He is right.” Toma nodded. “Sho-kun is a bit dumb when it comes to you. It’s as if he wasn’t seeing the real you.”
“Even Ohchan and Nino can confirm what we say.”
“Then, I’ll show him who I really am. I can accept his rejection but I won’t accept him to judge me if I decide to be with a man.” Aiba said seriously before walking toward a girl who was talking with her friend.
“Mmmm it’s not good, he will bring both if he is determined.”
“You mean…”
“He will fuck these two girls, not just the first one.”
“Lucky him.”
“Oi!!!” Jun growled.
“I’m just saying he is lucky to have both. He is free so, he can enjoy things like that.”
“Toma, are you telling me you want a threesome?”
“No!! I would have liked it when we weren’t together but now, I only need you.”
“Good, because I don’t share.” Jun mumbled.
“You’re cute when you’re jealous.” Toma chuckled, kissing his cheek.
“I’m not!”
“You were right, your pride and your character are worse than Sho-kun’s.” Toma laughed, hugging his boyfriend who chuckled. “Be careful babe, we are in a bar.”
“I can hug my best friend without any weird meaning.” Toma winked.
“Babe, in a gay bar, nothing is innocent.” Jun laughed.
****
Aiba brought the two girls at their table under Sho’s astonished gaze.
“Let’s drink, it’s my round, ladies.”
“Thank you Aiba-san!”
“Everything for such beautiful ladies.” Aiba grinned, passing his hand in his hair in a seducing way, making the girls’ eyes shine. Sho, on the other hand, was staring at the scene with his mouth wide open.
“You’re going to swallow a fly, Sho.” Nino smirked.
“I’m just… surprised…”
“What did you think? He is Aiba Masaki, it’s pretty regular that he spends the night with more than one girl. He has never spent a night alone except when he is drunk.
“How do you know that?”
“You would also now it if you paid him more attention. It’s not because he has to play the role of ‘Aibaka’ in front of the camera that he is like that. You should know that after all these years.”
“I…”
“Well, we’re going to let you, I’d like some privacy with these two little diamonds.” Aiba suddenly said, standing up and giving his arms to the two girls before leaving the club.
“Lucky him, two in one go and he didn’t pick the ugliest.” Nino chuckled before whining when Ohno slapped his head.
“I’m still here in case you’ve forgotten, brat!”
“Is Toshi jealous?” Nino smirked.
“Of course I am when you stare like that at women.” Ohno muttered.
“You’ll make me pay tonight.” Nino winked.
“If you could stop your allusions, I would feel better.” Sho protested.
“C’mon, don’t play your prude, Sho-kun, it’s not the first time we make out in front of you.”
“Yes, but before, you were het.”
“We are still het, we just love each other, is it that bad?”
“Aren’t you scared for Arashi?”
“Not really. We love Arashi but it’s not all our life, one day, we will certainly stop it anyway. And people are so used to see us touching each other that it doesn’t look suspect. The ones who have to be careful are Jun and Toma. But Jun is such a controlling freak that they will never get caught.”
“I thought MatsuJun was with Ishihara-san…”
“You’re meant to be from Keio, baka, why do you think we let these fucking idiots of paparazzi take pictures of us with girls?” Nino rolled his eyes.
“To have a cover?”
“Wonderful, your neurons have connected! As much as our fans love fan service, most of them would never accept us to be gay or bi, that’s the sad reality. It’s stupid when you think about it because even if were completely het, we wouldn’t date her anyway, so, being gay or bi doesn’t change anything, we’ll never be with one of them.” Nino shrugged. “You should try with a man.” The brat smirked, making Sho gag with his beer.
“Are you crazy?!”
“What? Have I shocked our dear hung-up Keio boy?”
“I’m not gay, that’s all.” Sho replied. “Why do you want to turn every man you know, gay? Is it that bad to be het?”
“No, when it’s what you really are. C’mon Toshi, let’s go home and fuck, MatsuJun and his bitch have already run away to do dirty things. Goodnight, Sho-kun!” Nino grabbed Ohno’s arm to leave the club under Sho’s shocked eyes.
“And we were meant to spend the night all together. I should find other friends.” Sho muttered.
“Hey, cutie, you’re alone?” A man sat next to him.
“Yes, but I’m not gay, so, you should find someone else.” Sho made a fake smile.
“Sho Sakurai, not gay?” The man chuckled. “And I’m the queen Elizabeth.”
“Think what you want and stop being so familiar, we don’t know each other.”
“I know, because if we did, you would be addicted to my ass.”
Sho grimaced and left the bar quickly, not supporting this ambiance anymore. Ignoring the strokes on his butt, the caster went out and climbed in a taxi, impatient to be in his bed with his girlfriend.
The next morning, Sho entered the green room in a bad mood, sighing when a cheerful Aiba followed him, talking to Jun about the two girls he had put in his bed the previous night. The caster couldn’t help but feel jealous because in all his life, he had never managed to have more than one girl per night. Sex was more a duty for him or just a way to have a release and if he could, he wouldn’t even have sex at all, it was a pure loss of time for his precious calendar. Luckily, his actual girlfriend wasn’t very fond of sex, so, they didn’t have to make it often.
“They were so hot! That’s why I prefer threesome, because the girls wanting that are not shy in bed and won’t complain to suck you off or to make it in hot positions!”
“Japanese girls are a bit shy when it comes to sex, it’s true but maybe they need time and trust to be wilder in bed.” Jun nodded. “That’s why I have always preferred men, they aren’t shy at all for that, and the
pleasure is so intense.”
“Maybe I should try to fuck a man just to see.” Aiba chuckled.
“Could you stop trying to turn Aiba-chan gay, MatsuJun.” Sho sighed.
“I’m not trying to turn him gay, he would be very stupid to choose his sexuality depending on mine.”
“And if I was gay?” Aiba frowned. “Would you be disgusted?” The animal lover stared at Sho with dark eyes but also fear, not knowing how he would react if his friend rejected him.
To be continued…
A/N: I’m sorry for this weird cut but I haven’t finished this fic and my dear Andy was too impatient to wait (and I had to apology for spoiling her -not on purpose- the last episode of Kizoku tantei) so, I had to post a first part and to cut it here because this story is too long xD
Aiba’s character is based on Gozen-sama’s character and it’s also how I think the ‘real’ Aiba is (yes, for me, Aiba is a womanizer and is the dominating type of guy with a strong character xD). In this story, our dear animal lover will impose himself a lot toward Sho and won’t be “Aiba-chan” like lots of people think he is (I really don’t like ‘Aiba-chan’) J I hope you will enjoy this fic (of course, I don’t think Sho is an homophobe, his ‘special’ character is only for the story xD).
And of course, I haven’t forgotten the fic ‘Chandelier’, I will start to post it soon and once it will be finished, I’ll post ‘To your eternity’ :D See you soon, comments, even short ones are deeply <3