Umi no shizukesa chapter 5

[matsuaurore]

Title: Umi no shizukesa (the ocean's silence)
Author: MatsuAurore
Beta: My Mokohno <3
Pairings: Juntoshi, Matsumiya, Sakuraiba
Rating: PG-13 for this chapter
Genre: Au, drama, romance, angst
Disclaimer: Jun owns Ohchan xD
Most of the diving's scenes are true cause I'm a diver that's why I used my own experience for this story ^^ I hope you'll enjoy ^^
Summary: Ohno looses his voice after a traumatic experience. He is desperate and alone, rejected by the others because of his silence. One day, he meets Jun, a young diver addicted to the sea. With Jun's help, Ohno discovers another world where the silence is the most precious thing. Together, they learn another language: the language of the sea.




Chapter 5:

Jun joined Aiba who still were in the living room. The older made a diabolic smile, gave a manet to Jun and both played together at their Wii, laughing and teasing each other.

"Turn turn turn!" Aiba cried at the TV.
"Yesss!!!" Jun exclaimed when his car won. He was the best at Mario cart when Nino wasn't here.
"You cheated!" Aiba said, pouted.
"I'm just the best." Jun smirked.
"I want revenge!" Aiba sulked.

Two minutes later, both were shouting and tried to cheat for win. When Aiba saw he was losing the game, he jumped on Jun's back and put his hands on his eyes. The younger laughed and threw his friend on the sofa.
Suddenly, they jumped, seeing Ohno with mess hair and a sleepy look.

"Ohchan~ sorry we wake you up" Jun apologized.

The older smiled sleepily and hugged Jun happily.
Can I stay with you? Ohno asked.
"Sure." Jun answered. 
"So~ I'm dead, I let you two, oyasumi." Aiba said before leaving with a smile.

Ohno buried his face in the younger's chest who put his head on him, linking their fingers.
Jun was very surprised by Ohno's reaction. It was the first time the silent man was touching him like that and accepted Jun's touch so easily. The younger felt really happy by this changement.
They stayed like that a while before Jun stood up and carried a sleeping Ohno to his bed.
When Ohno woke up, he found a mail in his phone.

Satoshi,

I work this morning, I'll try to not come back too late and I'll take you to the beach. You can do what you want, my apartment is yours as always, if you want to go out, ask to Masaki, he has a car.
Jun

Ohno smiled and after a shower, took his diary.

Dear diary,

Now, I know Jun since more than four months but I feel as if it was since lot of years. I don't know...when I'm with him, my world is different, more luminous, more happy. He heals my broken heart even when he doesn't talk to me. We don't need words, just the presence of each other. I think this day, he did more than saving me of the crash, he saved my heart, my soul and my mind. Maybe it's a bit early but now, I think I can go ahead. Sometimes, I dream about Yamada, I can feel his hands on my body, I can feel him inside me and it disgusts and hurts me. I can't forget this nightmare, this horrible day. Luckily, Jun is here and I feel safe. Thanks to the sky when I met him, it was the time of my life. I love him more than anything, more than my own life but he didn't seem to have the same feelings, but I'm fine if he is next to me, I can bear the worst things if he's by my side. I love him so much.

Satoshi the dumb

Dear diary,

It's the second time I write today but Jun isn't here and Masaki is still sleeping. This night I had another flash but it wasn't Yamada, it was the accident, this horrible accident. I don't think we can call that an accident, for me, it was a crime. I can't forget the blood on the floor, the blood on my hands and my body, the blood on them. I don't know if I can return there, if I can relive this horrible night. The police told me the place was empty now and I think it's better. He is always in jail, he waits for his judgment and I pray. I want this story over with his death, I want to live in peace and no in the fear. Maybe I'm a monster to hope for his death but...why could he live after what he did to me? Because of him, I'm alone, because of him, I suffer, because of him, I lost my voice, because of him, my life is done, because of him, I'm useless. Why could he live in peace? It would be unfair, ne? I'm impatient Jun comes back because even if there is Masaki, I feel anxious, afraid...my devils are haunting me. I want to forget this night!!!!

Satoshi the shame

Aiba opened his bedroom's door and blinked when he saw Ohno who was writing on a notebook. But it wasn't really this fact which perturbed him, it was the fact that Ohno was crying. Lot of tears were rolling on his chubby face while he wrote, his hand was shaking and he was biting his nails. Masaki never saw him like that. He seemed to suffer a lot. When he approached him, Ohno jumped and closed his notebook quickly, wiping his tears away and smiling as usually.

"Are you okay, Ohchan?" Aiba asked, worried. Ohno nodded and smiled.
"What is it and why were you crying?"
Ohno froze. Aiba saw him? Shit. He took a piece of paper.
Sorry, I had a nightmare but I'm fine now, thanks.
Aiba read it and nodded not convince.
Aiba-chan, can I go outside, I want to walk.
"Sure, you can, do what you want, you're our friend, you're free" Aiba smiled and Ohno grinned and took his stuff.
"Itterasshai!" Aiba exclaimed.

The animal lover drank his coffee and bit his lip. Ohno had forgotten his notebook and he was tempted to read it but shook his head. No, he couldn't do it, it was personal, he couldn't betray Ohno like that. But the silent man seemed so sad when he was writting it. Aiba shook his head again, he took a shower but the notebook was still in his mind. He walked toward the desk and took it.

"Just one page, it's not bad if I read just one page." Aiba tried to convince himself.

He opened the notebook and blinked. It was a diary which started two years ago. He read the first page and his eyes widened. Putting a hand on his mouth, still holding the notebook, he opened his laptop and wrote Ohno Satoshi. He found an article and opened it.

"Oh my God!!!!" Aiba shouted, his eyes full of terror.

When he saw the pictures, he closed his laptop and ran to the bathroom to throw up his breakfast. There was flash in his mind, flash of the scene...how Ohno could live with that?! He looked at the notebook and continued to read. It was horrible, Ohno was describing his feelings, his nightmares, his hell. There were lot of scars in his life. Satoshi had lost his voice because of this day. When he read the stories about Yamada, he froze. This fucking bastard had raped Satoshi?! How the kind man could live with all those trauma?! How could he smile again?! The answer: Jun. Aiba's face soften when he read the passages about Jun. He was right, Ohno loved Jun, it was obvious and the younger loved him too he was sure of that. Every night, Ohno woke up because of his horrible nightmares and wrote on his diary to calm him down. Did Jun know that? Did his best friend know the silent man was crying every night?
Jun must confess to the sleepy man!
Suddenly, he heard a noise and quickly put the notebook to the right place.

"Okaeri." Aiba said when he saw Ohno. The sleepy man walked toward him and frowned when he saw Aiba was avoiding his eyes.

Are you okay?
"Yes, gomen, I was dreaming, I have to prepare our lunch." Aiba said quickly, still staring at the ground.

Ohno frowned again. Why the younger was avoiding him? Suddenly, he jumped. His notebook!!!! He forgot his notebook! Ohno ran in the living room and found it at the same place but not in the right position. Shaking, he took it and walked toward the kitchen. When Aiba saw the notebook in his hands, he lowered his head, ashamed.

Aiba, did you read it?
Aiba looked at the sleepy man and nodded.

"I'm sorry Ohchan, I didn't want to but you seemed so sad when you wrote it, I wanted to know why, I know I'm a bastard but...but..." Aiba stammered, tears rolling on his cheeks.
So~ you know the story?
"Yes, I searched in internet..." Aiba mumbled.
Please, Aiba-chan, forget all, don't tell it to Jun, please!!
"But, Ohchan..." Aiba began but Ohno kneeled in front of him, bowing deeply, his head almost touching the ground.
Please! I don't want he rejects me, I don't want his pity and his worries, I don't want to hurt him, I love him!
"Ohchan, Jun never could reject you, he loves you, you must share it with him, you can't bear all that alone!" Aiba tried but Ohno shook his head stubbornly. The younger sighed and hugged him tightly.
"I'm sorry Ohchan, I'm sorry for betraying you, I'm horrible!" Aiba whispered. Ohno patted his back, he forgave him.

"What's happen, here?" A voice asked making the friends jump.
"Oh, Jun, it's you." Aiba said, releasing Ohno quickly.
"Yes, it's me. Why both of you are crying? I hope you didn't hurt Satoshi!" Jun said with a death glance.

Ohno wiped his tears, stood up and hugged his friend who wrapped his arms around him and kissed his forehead with a tender smile.

"How can you imagine I could hurt him?!" Aiba exclaimed, shocked. "Ohchan bumped into me, that's all."
"Sorry Ma-chan." Jun apologized and patted Ohno's head lovingly.

They sat and began their lunch but Jun knew there was a problem. Aiba was avoiding his gaze and seemed to be very uncomfortable when his eyes were meeting Ohno's. Satoshi was playing with his food, lost in his thoughts. When Jun met Aiba's eyes, the older quickly lowered his head. What happened?!
After the lunch, the three friends went to the beach. They took the boat and Aiba drove them to a new place.

"I want to learn you the true diving, with bottles of oxygen." Jun explained to Ohno who smiled brightly, happy.
"We're arrived, captain!" Aiba exclaimed.

Jun explained how the bottles worked and how using his material.

"It's your first time, we'll dive at 6 meters no more. During the diving, you stay next to me and you follow me, if you have a problem, you know the signs. All the one meters, you claw your nose and you blow with your mouth closed to unlock your ears, it's for the pressure and it's very important to not damage your eardrums. Be careful, the sea can be dangerous if you're careless, even if you're an usual diver, ok?" Jun asked to Ohno who nodded.
"Then, let’s go." Aiba said happily.

They sat on the platform and Jun jumped the first following by Aiba and then Ohno. The younger looked at the silent man, he was so cute with his mask, his chubby cheeks and pouty lips were more visible. Anxious, Jun took Ohno's hand, worried for him. When they reached two meters of depth, Jun stopped and look at Ohno. But the silent man seemed to be comfortable with the oxygen and the material. They continued and at six meters, stopped again. Jun showed to Aiba the depth and his friend nodded, looking at his computer too. They swam next to a wall of rock and Ohno showed a beautiful fish, excitedly. He swam toward it and his eyes widened when he saw a wall of coral and starfishes with many little blue and red fishes which were swimming in the holes. The sun was shinning on the rocks and with the reflect of the water, it created lot of colors like a rainbow. Ohno had never seen something as beautiful. Suddenly, Jun caught Satoshi's hand and showed him something. At two meters of them, was swimming a green moray. Her body was undulating slowly and Ohno approached, curious. The beautiful animal looked at him with curious eyes and before Jun could stop him, Ohno held out his hand. The younger's eyes widened when the moray touched kindly Satoshi's fingers with the tip of its nose. Usually, you never approached and touched a moray in opposite. Even if they were kind, they stayed wild and could bite you. You must be on top of them and wear gloves. But the sleepy man played with the animal, naturally as old friends. This man really had a precious gift. He could keep his breathe very long, wasn't afraid and the animals let him approached and touched them. They spoke the same language, the language of the sea. Jun joined them and Ohno took his hand to swim with the animal. This moment was just perfect. The silence, the colors, the respect. They were sharing an important moment, a moment where everybody became one. Jun tightened his grip on Ohno's hand who smiled brightly, his eyes shining like they never did before. You could see how precious this moment was for the silent man. He seemed to forget his difference and feel like a normal young man. Jun almost kissed him when he saw this light shining in his eyes and making him more beautiful than ever.
When they climbed on the boat after 40 minutes, they were exhausted. Even if you didn’t move a lot, the diving was very tiring. Jun sat and looked at Ohno with a smile.

"Did you enjoy?" The younger asked and without thinking, Ohno ran toward him, sat on his lap and hugged him tightly, nuzzling his face in the younger's neck. Jun grinned and wrapped his arms around him.
"I'm so happy you liked it. You're amazing, Ohchan and I wanted you to know that I lo..." Jun started but Aiba cut him off, running toward them. Jun frowned and stared at Aiba with a cold gaze.
"Sorry to interrupt you two, lovebirds but we have to go, the sea becomes rough!" Aiba said making Ohno blush deeply.

Jun sighed and stood up. When they arrived at home, the tension came back between Aiba and Ohno.

"What happened between you and Satoshi?" Jun asked while Ohno was taking a bath.
"Nothing, really." Aiba said, lowering his eyes.
"Masaki, I know there is something, I know you!" Jun said, angry.
"Just one thing, you must confess to Ohchan if you really love him." Aiba answered.
"Eh?! How do you know?" Jun asked, shocked.
"Pfff sometimes you're really daft, it's obvious you love him. It's written on your face, don't make Ohchan wait, say to him you love him!" Aiba sighed, rolling his eyes. "You two are very stubborn!" He added.
"Eh?! What do you mean by "you two"?"

Aiba didn't answer. He took his stuff and walked toward the door.

"Confess that's all, baka! I let you the night!" Aiba said and left the apartment.

To: Jun
From: Aibaka

Don't you dare give up! Be a man for one time in your life! If you make Ohchan crying, I'll kill you!

Jun smiled and answered.

To: Aibaka
From: Jun

Shut up Aibaka!

Jun stared at the door, stupidly. He closed his phone and sat on the sofa, anxious. He didn't know how to confess. He couldn't say "hey, Ohchan, I love you, be my boyfriend!". No, he couldn't say that. Jun started to bit his nails, nervous.
Suddenly, a loud noise came from the bathroom and Jun ran to the place. His eyes widened when he saw Ohno who was inside the water, struggling his body and trying to breath with despair. Jun grabbed his arms and lifted him up from the water. Ohno coughed silently, his body was shivering violently.

"Satoshi, are you all right? What happened?" Jun shouted, very afraid.
Tears started to roll on Ohno's cheeks and he hugged Jun with despair, crying silently. The younger patted his head and carried him in his arms. Ohno curled in a ball, still in tears.
"Ohchan, what happened?" Jun repeated, worried.

Ohno looked at him and shook his head. He couldn't tell him he made this nightmare again. He still could feel his hands on his body, his tongue licking his skin and his shaft inside him. Ohno smiled sadly at Jun and buried his face in his neck. The diver understood he wouldn't have any explanations tonight and wrapped Ohno in a towel, blushing deeply in front of the beautiful naked body. Ohno's chest was sculpted and his butt so perfect! But he suddenly froze when he saw the big scar on Satoshi's chest. He slowly touched it and Ohno pushed him away with violence, hiding his chest with both hands.

"I'm sorry." Jun whispered. He wanted to ask some questions but one look of Ohno stopped him to go further and, giving up, he sighed, held out to Ohno a pajamas and let him change alone. He took the silent man in his bedroom and when Ohno fell asleep, joined his living room when the doorbell rang.

"Hello, J." Nino waved innocently.
"Why are you here?" Jun frowned.
"Do I disturb you?" Nino.
"Ano..." Jun started but Nino didn't let him continued his sentence and entered into the apartment.
"What were you doing?" Nino asked. "We could watch a drama. I want to see Takumi-kun!"
"I want to sleep, Ohchan was feeling bad and I'm tired."
"I can sleep with you..." Nino smirked and caught Jun's lips to kiss him deeply.
Jun moaned in the kiss and started to stroked all parts of Nino's body. But suddenly, Ohno's face appeared in his mind and he pushed the gamer away.
"What are you doing?!" Nino asked, hurt.
"Kazu, I..." But a loud noise cut Jun off and he ran in Satoshi's bedroom.

He froze when he saw the silent man on the floor hitting the wall and screaming silently with closed eyes, as if he was trying to escape from something. Jun grabbed his body in his arms and tried to calm him down.

"I'm here Satoshi, I won't leave you, I'm here. Calm down, you're safe, I'm here with you." Jun cried, rocking Ohno who was shaking in fear. Jun kissed his head, closing his eyes painfully when the silent man was hitting his body or scratching his nape.
"Calm down. I'm here. Calm down. It was just a nightmare." Jun grabbed his cheeks and kissed his wet face kindly. "I'll always be with you, Satoshi. I love you." Jun whispered and Ohno looked at him with wide eyes before  he buried his face in the warm neck.
Nino froze when he saw and heard Jun. He lowered his head, painfully. His friend was in love with Ohno. Now, he had his answer, the silent man had won. He couldn't fight anymore, knowing he just was Ohno's substitute when he was with Jun. Tears filled his eyes and as if Jun had read his thoughts, looked at him.
"I'm..."
"It's okay, J. I understand. You love him, it's obvious, I can't hurt both of you and myself anymore. I love you, Jun, I'll always be there for you if you need me. Take care of Ohno, he is an amazing guy." Nino said with a painful smile, tears rolling on his cheeks.
"I'm sorry Kaz." Jun whispered.
"Don't be. I'm the one who started all this, it's not your fault. Say to Ohno that I'm sorry, he'll understand."
"Kazu?!"
"Yes?"
"I wasn't lying, I really love you."
"I know, but your heart loves Ohno more. I'm happy to know that, even if I can't be with you anymore."
"You'll be as my best friend who saved me when I was lost."
"I did nothing, you really was pathetic and I just felt pity for you." Nino said, finding his always arrogant and sharp tongue.
Jun nodded, understanding.
"I'll always love you, idiot." Nino whispered to himself and left the apartment.

A page was turned...

Ohno opened his eyes painfully. He jumped, seeing Jun next to him, his arm around his waist, snoring softly. Ohno started to panic but calmed down when he saw he still had his pajamas. He tried to remember what happened the last night but there was a big black-out. It always happened when he had these horrible nightmares, he couldn't remember anything. Jun's eyes, even if they were closed, were swollen and his face was very pale. He saw red marks on the diver's arms and neck and started to feel guilty, dry blood was settled on the scratch. What did he do the last night? Why Jun was against him and was so pale with these red marks? Bribes of memories started to came back. He saw himself in the bathroom, Jun hugging his naked body while he was crying. He saw the younger trying to touch his scar. He saw himself in his bed, hitting the wall and screaming silently. He saw Jun who was rocking him in his arms, whispering soft and kind words while his nails were scratching his skin. Ohno looked at the younger and touched his arm lovingly. Suddenly, the last words of Jun resounded in his mind.

I love you.

Jun said it to Ohno and the older started to panic. No. Jun couldn't love him. This amazing man couldn't love a scrap like him, a dumb, a coward, a killer!
Ohno shook his head and stood up, silently. He took his stuff and his shoes and threw a last glance to the living room. Pain crossed his heart when he saw Yume looking at him from his aquarium. The little shark seemed to understand Ohno will never come back. Ohno stroked his head a last time, the shark's eyes looking at him with curiosity. He couldn't bother Jun anymore. He didn't want to spoil Jun and Nino's relationship.

I love you too, Jun. Ohno whispered in silence and without a noise, left the apartment, knowing he'll return into the hell if he came back to his old life.

To be continued...

A/N: Well, please don't hate me, I know I was mean with Ohchan and Jun and sorry for the nasty cut ^^ don't worry, the story will soon be less sad but Ohchan has to deal with lot of devils because of his past and luckily, Jun is here for him ^^ I promise I'll post the next chapter soon to not make you wait too long. Thank you for your comments and for reading and I send a big kiss to my Mokohno who is checking this fic so well and so quickly, it's because of her if you don't wait too long, thank you for your great job dear and see you at our university to speak about the chapter 7 xD <3