Chandelier (chapter 12)
Title: Chandelier
Author: Matsuaurore
Banner: My lovely Antimiya88 <3
Pairing: Ohmiya, Junba, Sakumoto
Genre: Au, angst, romance, drama
Rating: PG-13 to NC-17
Disclaimer: Only own the plot though, I wish I could own them xD
Summary: Nino is a young man who is physically abused by his boyfriend for years but seems determined to cope with this horrible life until he meets Ohno, a weird man who will show him how wonderful life can be.
Chapter 12:
Party girls don't get hurt
Can't feel anything, when will I learn
I push it down, push it down
Nino swallowed his nth beer, trying to erase Ohno from his brain and to forget the older’s words. All this shit had no sense. If Ohno didn’t lie, then, it meant he had lived ten years in captivity without knowing it???!!! That couldn’t be possible. He would remember if he had been kidnapped and if his parents hadn’t abandoned him like his friend pretended. And why his parents weren’t looking for him if he really had been kidnapped? All this story was obviously a lie from Ohno to have him in his bed, not that it would bother him as Satoshi was very sexy but Nino knew that deep inside, he felt more than friendship and wouldn’t handle the older’s rejection after a night with him. He had reached a point where his mind was too weak to bear something too hard again. He had killed Ichirou. And the worst was that he didn’t even regret it or didn’t feel sad. Why? He loved his boyfriend so, why couldn’t he even cry for his crime? What was he going to do now that he had lost everything? Of course, Nino knew he still could work for Nagase but would he be able to let a man fuck him again? After all, wasn’t he just good enough to be fucked?
I'm the one "for a good time call"
Phone's blowin' up, ringin' my doorbell
I feel the love, feel the love
1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3 drink
1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3 drink
1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3 drink
Throw 'em back, till I lose count
Nino entered the club with anxiety, trying to ignore the surprised looks on him. He had missed two weeks of work and after getting bored of being drunk every night in some shitty clubs, the host had decided to come back and ask for doing the only thing he was able to do well.
“Nino!” Jun jumped on him and hugged him tightly. “How are you???”
“Fine, I would like to see Nagase if it’s possible.”
“Eh? Don’t tell me you want to work here again?” Jun frowned.
“I do. I need money to survive and being a host is the only thing I can do.”
“And Ohno-san is okay with that?”
“Why would I care about his opinion?” Nino replied, looking at Jun with surprise.
“Well, isn’t he your boyfriend?”
“No. to be honest, I have stopped seeing him for two weeks. He has to live his life without me and I refuse to be a part of it.”
“But he loves you… I’m sure you also feel the same, you two would be happy together… He treasures you.”
“I can’t believe in his words. And after what happed with Ichirou, I’m completely unable to let someone in my life.”
“Nino… You should talk about what happened to a professional…”
“I’m fine and you should follow your own advices.”
“What?” Jun frowned, not liking where the conversation led.
“You want to help me and I’m glad to have a friend like you but you should fix your own problems. Like making a choice about what you really want. You sleep with Nagase, Aiba, Sakurai and you keep repeating you love Aiba, that’s a big contradiction.”
“Aiba doesn’t want to be with me and I don’t sleep with Tomo anymore. Sho helps me to get better.”
“Isn’t it harsh to let him hope for nothing, then? He helps you and certainly likes you but you will never give him what he wants. I don’t judge you but your attitude with him is wrong unless if he just wants to fuck you, then, you two should keep it like that.”
“I need to remember and understand what happened to me. Sho helps me and didn’t ask for more than sex.”
“But Jun, are you sure you want to remember or are you trying to get Aiba jealous to have him back?” Nino asked softly, making Jun blink. “Thank you for worrying but I’m fine and I want to keep working here with you and the others. I need it.” Nino climbed the stairs to knock before entering Nagase’s office.
I'm gonna swing from the chandelier, from the chandelier
I'm gonna live like tomorrow doesn't exist
Like it doesn't exist
I'm gonna fly like a bird through the night, feel my tears as they dry
I'm gonna swing from the chandelier, from the chandelier
“Are you sure you want to keep working here?” Nagase asked softly, getting a small nod from Nino.
“Yes. Thank you for what you did, without you, I would still be locked by Ichirou. I owe you everything.”
“You owe me nothing, Nino. I can’t say I’m a nice man, I have done things I’m not proud of but I can’t approve men like this piece of shit was. If you hadn’t killed him, everybody in the room would have done it, especially Ohno.”
“Ohno lied to me. I can’t trust him.”
“You lived with this bastard without saying anything for years and you now despise Ohno because he lied to you to protect you?” Nagase raised an eyebrow.
“You all think I’m an idiot but why would I believe him?! His story isn’t credible, it can’t be true!”
“You know what?” Nagase smiled sadly. “You don’t even believe in your own words. You are too stubborn to admit the reality and to accept to be truly happy. You’re scared and instead of facing your future, you prefer to run away. But Nino, running away will only keep you alone and miserable. I can understand your fears but hiding is not the solution.”
“And you, with your beautiful advices, when will you tell J the truth about his past?” Nino replied coldly, making Nagase pale.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” The boss denied.
“You do. And it’s unfair to hide him what he needs to know. You’re going to lose him if you keep lying and Aiba too. Jun is too addicted to him and it’s destroying him, I like Aiba a lot but I can’t approve his behavior.”
“It’s too complicated for you to understand. Don’t judge Aiba so easily, his heart is completely owned by Jun but sometimes, life can be unfair and forces us to make sacrifices.” Nagase sighed. “Well, you can keep your job here. Your shifts will be the same than before.”
“Thank you.” Nino bowed and left the room, Nagase stroking his face tiredly.
“He is right… Jun has the right to know… But if the truth destroyed him again? Tell me what to do, Daichi.” Nagase whispered to the picture in his hand.
****
Nino changed his clothes and put some perfume before joining the main room under Aiba’s surprised look. The younger smiled slightly and ordered a drink to Jun who did it without a word, showing him clearly his disapproval. Nino stuck him his tongue out childishly, making him roll his eyes before sitting on a sofa. Quickly, a salary man sat next to him and ordered a cocktail before starting an annoying conversation. Despite his stubbornness, Nino couldn’t stop thinking about Jun and Nagase’s words. To be honest, the host knew deep inside that they were certainly right but the fear in his heart was bigger than any wise advice he could receive. Like the boss said, Nino was scared. Scared to be loved, scared to love, scared to be abused again and also ashamed. After all, he had been raped for years, his body was so dirty. Too dirty for someone as perfect as Ohno was. And for days, Nino was trying to ignore this little voice inside his head that sang mockingly he was nothing more than a whore and a killer. The host looked down at his shaking hands, trying to ignore the blood stains he was seeing on them anytime he stared at them. He had washed them for hours, had even used disinfectant, alcohol and bleach but nothing managed to erase the blood stains he kept seeing on his fingers. His hands were dirty. Stained by men and by blood. And nothing would never erase this shame he felt every day when he woke up.
“Are you listening to me, Yuuji?” The man asked with an annoyed voice.
“Sorry, I was elsewhere…”
But I'm holding on for dear life, won't look down, won't open my eyes
Keep my glass full until morning light, 'cause I'm just holding on for tonight
Help me, I'm holding on for dear life, won't look down, won't open my eyes
Keep my glass full until morning light, 'cause I'm just holding on for tonight
On for tonight
“Have you stopped your shows? I loved seeing you dancing, you are a pro to move this cute little butt of yours.” The man smirked. Nino closed his eyes and drank his nth cocktail before smiling.
“I’ll see if I can dance again.”
“Come on, let’s go elsewhere, I want to fuck you.” The man stood up and held out his hand. The young host stared at it for some seconds, panic wining him slowly. He could say no. Nagase had always agreed to let them choose if they wanted to have sex or not with a client. Nino was about to refuse when this little voice came back in his head. Go, Nino, it’s the only thing you are able to do. You’re just a whore, don’t ever forget that.
“O-kay…” Nino finally agreed and took the hand to stand up, ignoring Jun’s warning look. “Hurry up, I’m impatient to be fucked by your big dick.” Nino pushed the man out when Jun left the bar to stop him.
“I love when you play your little impatient bitch.” The man smirked while entering a love hotel before booking a nice room. Nino took the bottle of champagne in the fridge and gave him a glass, swallowing his quickly. “Come on.” The man showed his lap, inviting Nino to sit on him. The younger took another glass of alcohol before complaining, closing his eyes tightly when his client started to kiss his neck, licking his skin and making him shiver in disgust. He just dreamed to stop the man, to tell him to fuck off and not touch him with his dirty hands but wasn’t he also dirty? After all, this client wasn’t worse than him. Refraining his fear and disgust, Nino let him mark his skin, hoping the sex would be quick and not too painful. “Take a shower, I want to fuck you hard.” The client finally ordered after some minutes.
Sun is up, I'm a mess
Gotta get out now, gotta run from this
Here comes the shame, here comes the shame
1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3 drink
1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3 drink
1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3 drink
Throw 'em back till I lose count
Nino left the shower and dried his painful skin before taking his clothes. Throwing a look in the mirror, the host lowered his head at the sight of his face. He looked bad. Too thin, too tired, too unhappy. Too broken. He was just a mess. After taking his money, the host ran out of the hotel, his body screaming in pain. Several minutes later, Nino was taking refuge in his bed, his body shivering despite the heat of his small apartment. The night had been harder than he thought and just thinking about his client fucking him made him throw up. Why? After all, he was used to be fucked, he had even been raped so many times that this night shouldn’t have bothered him. Was it because he was scared of sex now that Ichirou was dead or was it because his body couldn’t accept a stranger’s touch anymore? His brain was a total mess, not able to think properly anymore. Too much pain, too much tears, too many trauma. When will he have the chance to live peacefully and happy? Does this nightmare was going to stop one day?
With a sigh, Nino switched his phone off, seeing Ohno’s number on the screen. The older hadn’t given up and still tried to join him everyday since Ichirou’s death. It pissed Nino off but at the same time, he couldn’t stop his heart to beat faster anytime his friend called him or sent him a message. A big contradiction to want him as much as he wanted to push him out of his rotten life.
“I’m so egoist.” Nino muttered.
I'm gonna swing from the chandelier, from the chandelier
I'm gonna live like tomorrow doesn't exist
Like it doesn't exist
I'm gonna fly like a bird through the night, feel my tears as they dry
I'm gonna swing from the chandelier, from the chandelier
Ohno sighed, throwing his phone on his bed, not knowing what to do to have Nino back. He had tried everything to convince him but anytime he made a step toward the younger, Nino ran away. Scared. Scared to love, scared to be loved, to trust and mostly, scared to be happy for once in his life. That’s why Ohno couldn’t give up nor feel angry. Because he understood the young host. He hadn’t been raped nor abused or confined for years. But he had been through the same pain of being deprived of his happiness. His life had been led by the fear of never finding Nino again, he was dead since the day his lover had been kidnapped.
His only solution was to let some time to the younger. But would it work? And if Nino let his trauma eat him and went back to almost the same life he had with Ichirou? Ohno had promised his parents to bring them their son back and he was determined to hold his promise whatever it would cost him.
Taking his jeans off, Ohno frowned when a small paper fell from one of the pockets. Satoshi recognized Nino’s friend’s beautiful writing.
Call me if you need.
I want to help you, this is my number.
Jun
And without thinking anymore, Ohno called Jun.
Two days later, he was at the club and was ordering a cocktail, wondering why he had agreed to come here. The first time he’d come, Ohno had immediately hated this place full of perverts who came to fuck and to cheat on their wives, using the hosts as if they were some kind of sex toys. But what he had mostly hated was Nino’s show. The younger danced so well, was damn sexy and beautiful but seeing him performing in front of all these pervert hungry wolves disgusted him. His Kazu deserved better than this work. A lot better.
“Here you have.” Jun pushed a glass full of a yellow liquid in front of Ohno who blinked.
“Thank you.” Ohno swallowed the substance with suspicion before smiling. “Delicious!”
“It’s Nino’s favorite.” Jun winked. “I’m glad you finally called me. This baka is doing anything to forget you and I’m fed up to watch all this mess from my bar.”
“How is he?”
“Bad. He drinks too much, he sleeps with all the clients he has every night and I suspect him to take some drugs. Anytime I try to talk to him, he ignores me. And it’s not better when Aiba or Tomoya tries…”
“He ignores my calls and my messages…”
“That’s why I thought about a plan. If he loves this work so much, then, he shouldn’t say no to a new special client.” Jun grinned, staring at a lost Ohno who finally gasped.
“Oh no! Forget this idea, I won’t book him!” Ohno exclaimed.
“Why not?”
“I’m against this kind of work! I hate people like them…” Ohno showed the customers in the room. "Who cheat on their wives or take the host for their sex toys.”
“It’s the only way to talk to Nino. And to convince him.”
“Why would it work? At the second he will see my face, he will run away.”
“Not if the orders come from the big boss.” Jun winked.
“What do you mean?”
“I talked to Tomoya and he agreed to send Nino to a very special client’s house.”
“Nino knows where I live.”
“At a love hotel or elsewhere, c’mon, Ohchan -Ohno blinked at the nickname- do you want to have him back or not?” Jun rolled his eyes.
“I do…”
“Then, find a place where you want him to join you and text me. I’ll tell Tomoya where Nino will have to join you.”
“Okay…” Ohno sighed, not sure if this plan was going to work. “I guess I don’t have the choice…”
“We will keep in touch. And I don’t know a lot about your couple but maybe you could find things that Nino owned and that would make him believe you.” Jun smiled and started another drink when a customer sat next to Ohno.
“Hey, babe.”
“Hello, Sho-chan, why are you here, I was meant to join you after my shift, no?” Jun smiled softly.
“Well, I was too impatient to see you.” Sho blushed.
“Baka.” Jun laughed and turned toward Ohno who was staring at them with lost eyes. Okay, he had missed a chapter or what? Since when Jun was dating another man than Aiba? “Go, Nino’s shift starts in some minutes.”
“Okay, thank you Jun.” Ohno nodded and left the counter, not missing Aiba’s stare on the couple. The host’s eyes were full of… pain and anger… and maybe jealousy… Why weren’t they together if they loved each other? Ohno had seen how Jun looked at Aiba when he was preparing the cocktails. And it wasn’t simple looks. But loving ones where you also could see sadness. “You shouldn’t let him go.” Ohno whispered to Aiba before leaving the club.
But I'm holding on for dear life, won't look down, won't open my eyes
Keep my glass full until morning light, 'cause I'm just holding on for tonight
Help me, I'm holding on for dear life, won't look down, won't open my eyes
Keep my glass full until morning light, 'cause I'm just holding on for tonight
On for tonight
Nino left the lodge with anxiety, not ready to face a new night in the club again. It was more and more difficult to come here and to please the customers as time passed. But if he stopped, what would he do? His life could be summarized as being fucked, beaten and raped. Nino knew nothing except how to please men.
“Nino?” Nino jumped and turned his head to see Nagase staring at him.
“Yes, boss?”
“You have been booked for the whole night by a rich client I know well. You’ll go at this hotel and will please him as much as you can. I won’t tolerate any mistake, am I clear?”
“Y-es, boss.” Nino gulped, surprised. Nagase had never threatened him like that before, always thinking about his hosts before the clients. The host bowed and left, not seeing Nagase’s smile.
“And be happy, baka…” The boss whispered when Nino left the club.
****
Nino finally found the hotel in Shibuya. It looked nice and not too luxurious for a man who was very rich like Nagase pretended. Kazunari gave his name and a groom led him to a bedroom where the host knocked before entering when a small ‘enter’ allowed him to.
Nino had imagined a pervert man, maybe an old one or a weirdo but not what he was seeing now.
“What the fuck?” Nino frowned.
“I’ve booked you for the night obviously.” Ohno said softly from the sofa.
“So, you want to fuck me, now? You didn’t have to lie from the beginning, you could have just come to the club and asked to fuck me instead of pretending to be my friend and to love me.” Nino replied coldly, anger starting to win his body. He felt betrayed and ridiculous after all this time he had thought Ohno’s feeling were true. Again, the older had betrayed him just to fuck him like the others. But why did he care so much? After all, he had rejected Ohno, saying he didn’t have the same feeling so, being fucked by him like a whore shouldn’t have hurt him so much.
“I’m not going to fuck you. Come here.” Ohno showed the sofa and Nino sat next to him, not hiding his anger.
“What do you want?”
“I want to talk. And this time, you are going to listen. I have paid a lot to have you for the night after all.” Nino blinked at the firm tone. Since when the shy fisherman could be so… strict?
“I’m listening.”
“I know you’re scared. It’s normal to be after what you went through. It’s also normal to be angry at me for letting you to this piece of shit all this time.”
“I don’t…” Nino closed his mouth when Ohno threw him a severe look, making him shiver.
“I swear I did everything to find you. For ten years, I have been looking for you, I have stopped to live for you. I can understand your doubts, you have been betrayed so much that it’s normal to not believe me. But maybe you will believe in our memories…” Ohno said sadly, making Nino blink when the older put an album on his lap. “I thought I had lost it but the family who lives in your parents’ old house had kept it and were waiting for me to come back. It’s everything we lived together since our meeting…”
Nino opened the book with shaking hands and gasped, seeing a picture of Ohno and him. The date said this photo had been taken when Nino was 12. The younger turned the pages and discovered lots of pictures showing him and Ohno, sometimes they were only together, sometimes they were with Nino’s parents. Under every picture, Nino could recognize his writing describing what happened this day, the place, the date and sometimes the hour. This album gathered all the years he had spent with Ohno with incredible details that couldn’t have been invented.
“It’s our life together. And this is your diary. The family gave it to me. They said it was under your old mattress… I haven’t read it…” Ohno put a small blue book on Nino’s lap and stood up to take a glass of whisky.
Nino laid on the sofa and read the diary that covered three years of his life. Since his meeting with Satoshi until his kidnapping. Tears started to roll down his cheeks as the pages were turned, telling his life, all the years he had forgotten because of Ichirou’s treatment. Pictures started to slowly invade Nino’s mind like some kind of flash, forcing him to face things he didn’t want to remember. Curling in a ball, Kazunari grabbed his head, crying loudly and balancing his body backwards and forwards.
“Kazu?” Ohno blinked and sat next to him.
“He… he tortured me for days...” Nino cried. “I thought he was going to kill me… He wanted me to forget my life and to say I loved him… But I didn’t want to… I gave up the day he threatened me with a hammer. He was going… to break my hand to prevent me to play ever again… I gave up and told him what he wanted to hear… I tried to resist… I called your name so many times but you never came to save me…” Nino cried.
“Kazu… I’m so sorry…” Ohno hugged him.
“You never came…” Nino kept repeating before fainting, too exhausted. Ohno put him in bed and laid next to him, stroking his hair like a mother would do with her child.
“I’m so sorry… I’ll never let you go ever again, kitty…” Ohno kept whispering.
Never.
To be continued…
A/N: Hiiiiiii!!!! Finally I’m back after all this time!!! I hadn’t forgotten you little devils but tbh, it took me all these weeks to write this chapter because I couldn’t find any inspiration nor the will to write >< for the readers who follow me, you know how hard it’s for me to keep writing fictions like before. But don’t be afraid, I’ll will end this story, I promise! I have even some ideas for a new Ohmiya/Junba fic but I don’t know if I’ll write it xD
Well, this chapter was pretty hard to write (and I’m not satisfied at all ><) because it was harder than I thought to have our dear Ohmiya talking without Nino running away but also to write Nino’s life after Ichirou’s death. They aren’t together but at least, Ohno managed to make Nino remember what happened after his kidnapping and it’s already a big step. Let’s see if Nino will remember everything and will accept Ohno in his life again ;)
I promise I’ll try to write the next chapter quickly, let’s pray I’ll have the inspiration I need xD
Comments, even short ones are always <3 because knowing we are read help us to keep writing and finding new stories for you J
Author: Matsuaurore
Banner: My lovely Antimiya88 <3
Pairing: Ohmiya, Junba, Sakumoto
Genre: Au, angst, romance, drama
Rating: PG-13 to NC-17
Disclaimer: Only own the plot though, I wish I could own them xD
Summary: Nino is a young man who is physically abused by his boyfriend for years but seems determined to cope with this horrible life until he meets Ohno, a weird man who will show him how wonderful life can be.
Chapter 12:
Party girls don't get hurt
Can't feel anything, when will I learn
I push it down, push it down
Nino swallowed his nth beer, trying to erase Ohno from his brain and to forget the older’s words. All this shit had no sense. If Ohno didn’t lie, then, it meant he had lived ten years in captivity without knowing it???!!! That couldn’t be possible. He would remember if he had been kidnapped and if his parents hadn’t abandoned him like his friend pretended. And why his parents weren’t looking for him if he really had been kidnapped? All this story was obviously a lie from Ohno to have him in his bed, not that it would bother him as Satoshi was very sexy but Nino knew that deep inside, he felt more than friendship and wouldn’t handle the older’s rejection after a night with him. He had reached a point where his mind was too weak to bear something too hard again. He had killed Ichirou. And the worst was that he didn’t even regret it or didn’t feel sad. Why? He loved his boyfriend so, why couldn’t he even cry for his crime? What was he going to do now that he had lost everything? Of course, Nino knew he still could work for Nagase but would he be able to let a man fuck him again? After all, wasn’t he just good enough to be fucked?
I'm the one "for a good time call"
Phone's blowin' up, ringin' my doorbell
I feel the love, feel the love
1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3 drink
1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3 drink
1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3 drink
Throw 'em back, till I lose count
Nino entered the club with anxiety, trying to ignore the surprised looks on him. He had missed two weeks of work and after getting bored of being drunk every night in some shitty clubs, the host had decided to come back and ask for doing the only thing he was able to do well.
“Nino!” Jun jumped on him and hugged him tightly. “How are you???”
“Fine, I would like to see Nagase if it’s possible.”
“Eh? Don’t tell me you want to work here again?” Jun frowned.
“I do. I need money to survive and being a host is the only thing I can do.”
“And Ohno-san is okay with that?”
“Why would I care about his opinion?” Nino replied, looking at Jun with surprise.
“Well, isn’t he your boyfriend?”
“No. to be honest, I have stopped seeing him for two weeks. He has to live his life without me and I refuse to be a part of it.”
“But he loves you… I’m sure you also feel the same, you two would be happy together… He treasures you.”
“I can’t believe in his words. And after what happed with Ichirou, I’m completely unable to let someone in my life.”
“Nino… You should talk about what happened to a professional…”
“I’m fine and you should follow your own advices.”
“What?” Jun frowned, not liking where the conversation led.
“You want to help me and I’m glad to have a friend like you but you should fix your own problems. Like making a choice about what you really want. You sleep with Nagase, Aiba, Sakurai and you keep repeating you love Aiba, that’s a big contradiction.”
“Aiba doesn’t want to be with me and I don’t sleep with Tomo anymore. Sho helps me to get better.”
“Isn’t it harsh to let him hope for nothing, then? He helps you and certainly likes you but you will never give him what he wants. I don’t judge you but your attitude with him is wrong unless if he just wants to fuck you, then, you two should keep it like that.”
“I need to remember and understand what happened to me. Sho helps me and didn’t ask for more than sex.”
“But Jun, are you sure you want to remember or are you trying to get Aiba jealous to have him back?” Nino asked softly, making Jun blink. “Thank you for worrying but I’m fine and I want to keep working here with you and the others. I need it.” Nino climbed the stairs to knock before entering Nagase’s office.
I'm gonna swing from the chandelier, from the chandelier
I'm gonna live like tomorrow doesn't exist
Like it doesn't exist
I'm gonna fly like a bird through the night, feel my tears as they dry
I'm gonna swing from the chandelier, from the chandelier
“Are you sure you want to keep working here?” Nagase asked softly, getting a small nod from Nino.
“Yes. Thank you for what you did, without you, I would still be locked by Ichirou. I owe you everything.”
“You owe me nothing, Nino. I can’t say I’m a nice man, I have done things I’m not proud of but I can’t approve men like this piece of shit was. If you hadn’t killed him, everybody in the room would have done it, especially Ohno.”
“Ohno lied to me. I can’t trust him.”
“You lived with this bastard without saying anything for years and you now despise Ohno because he lied to you to protect you?” Nagase raised an eyebrow.
“You all think I’m an idiot but why would I believe him?! His story isn’t credible, it can’t be true!”
“You know what?” Nagase smiled sadly. “You don’t even believe in your own words. You are too stubborn to admit the reality and to accept to be truly happy. You’re scared and instead of facing your future, you prefer to run away. But Nino, running away will only keep you alone and miserable. I can understand your fears but hiding is not the solution.”
“And you, with your beautiful advices, when will you tell J the truth about his past?” Nino replied coldly, making Nagase pale.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” The boss denied.
“You do. And it’s unfair to hide him what he needs to know. You’re going to lose him if you keep lying and Aiba too. Jun is too addicted to him and it’s destroying him, I like Aiba a lot but I can’t approve his behavior.”
“It’s too complicated for you to understand. Don’t judge Aiba so easily, his heart is completely owned by Jun but sometimes, life can be unfair and forces us to make sacrifices.” Nagase sighed. “Well, you can keep your job here. Your shifts will be the same than before.”
“Thank you.” Nino bowed and left the room, Nagase stroking his face tiredly.
“He is right… Jun has the right to know… But if the truth destroyed him again? Tell me what to do, Daichi.” Nagase whispered to the picture in his hand.
****
Nino changed his clothes and put some perfume before joining the main room under Aiba’s surprised look. The younger smiled slightly and ordered a drink to Jun who did it without a word, showing him clearly his disapproval. Nino stuck him his tongue out childishly, making him roll his eyes before sitting on a sofa. Quickly, a salary man sat next to him and ordered a cocktail before starting an annoying conversation. Despite his stubbornness, Nino couldn’t stop thinking about Jun and Nagase’s words. To be honest, the host knew deep inside that they were certainly right but the fear in his heart was bigger than any wise advice he could receive. Like the boss said, Nino was scared. Scared to be loved, scared to love, scared to be abused again and also ashamed. After all, he had been raped for years, his body was so dirty. Too dirty for someone as perfect as Ohno was. And for days, Nino was trying to ignore this little voice inside his head that sang mockingly he was nothing more than a whore and a killer. The host looked down at his shaking hands, trying to ignore the blood stains he was seeing on them anytime he stared at them. He had washed them for hours, had even used disinfectant, alcohol and bleach but nothing managed to erase the blood stains he kept seeing on his fingers. His hands were dirty. Stained by men and by blood. And nothing would never erase this shame he felt every day when he woke up.
“Are you listening to me, Yuuji?” The man asked with an annoyed voice.
“Sorry, I was elsewhere…”
But I'm holding on for dear life, won't look down, won't open my eyes
Keep my glass full until morning light, 'cause I'm just holding on for tonight
Help me, I'm holding on for dear life, won't look down, won't open my eyes
Keep my glass full until morning light, 'cause I'm just holding on for tonight
On for tonight
“Have you stopped your shows? I loved seeing you dancing, you are a pro to move this cute little butt of yours.” The man smirked. Nino closed his eyes and drank his nth cocktail before smiling.
“I’ll see if I can dance again.”
“Come on, let’s go elsewhere, I want to fuck you.” The man stood up and held out his hand. The young host stared at it for some seconds, panic wining him slowly. He could say no. Nagase had always agreed to let them choose if they wanted to have sex or not with a client. Nino was about to refuse when this little voice came back in his head. Go, Nino, it’s the only thing you are able to do. You’re just a whore, don’t ever forget that.
“O-kay…” Nino finally agreed and took the hand to stand up, ignoring Jun’s warning look. “Hurry up, I’m impatient to be fucked by your big dick.” Nino pushed the man out when Jun left the bar to stop him.
“I love when you play your little impatient bitch.” The man smirked while entering a love hotel before booking a nice room. Nino took the bottle of champagne in the fridge and gave him a glass, swallowing his quickly. “Come on.” The man showed his lap, inviting Nino to sit on him. The younger took another glass of alcohol before complaining, closing his eyes tightly when his client started to kiss his neck, licking his skin and making him shiver in disgust. He just dreamed to stop the man, to tell him to fuck off and not touch him with his dirty hands but wasn’t he also dirty? After all, this client wasn’t worse than him. Refraining his fear and disgust, Nino let him mark his skin, hoping the sex would be quick and not too painful. “Take a shower, I want to fuck you hard.” The client finally ordered after some minutes.
Sun is up, I'm a mess
Gotta get out now, gotta run from this
Here comes the shame, here comes the shame
1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3 drink
1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3 drink
1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3 drink
Throw 'em back till I lose count
Nino left the shower and dried his painful skin before taking his clothes. Throwing a look in the mirror, the host lowered his head at the sight of his face. He looked bad. Too thin, too tired, too unhappy. Too broken. He was just a mess. After taking his money, the host ran out of the hotel, his body screaming in pain. Several minutes later, Nino was taking refuge in his bed, his body shivering despite the heat of his small apartment. The night had been harder than he thought and just thinking about his client fucking him made him throw up. Why? After all, he was used to be fucked, he had even been raped so many times that this night shouldn’t have bothered him. Was it because he was scared of sex now that Ichirou was dead or was it because his body couldn’t accept a stranger’s touch anymore? His brain was a total mess, not able to think properly anymore. Too much pain, too much tears, too many trauma. When will he have the chance to live peacefully and happy? Does this nightmare was going to stop one day?
With a sigh, Nino switched his phone off, seeing Ohno’s number on the screen. The older hadn’t given up and still tried to join him everyday since Ichirou’s death. It pissed Nino off but at the same time, he couldn’t stop his heart to beat faster anytime his friend called him or sent him a message. A big contradiction to want him as much as he wanted to push him out of his rotten life.
“I’m so egoist.” Nino muttered.
I'm gonna swing from the chandelier, from the chandelier
I'm gonna live like tomorrow doesn't exist
Like it doesn't exist
I'm gonna fly like a bird through the night, feel my tears as they dry
I'm gonna swing from the chandelier, from the chandelier
Ohno sighed, throwing his phone on his bed, not knowing what to do to have Nino back. He had tried everything to convince him but anytime he made a step toward the younger, Nino ran away. Scared. Scared to love, scared to be loved, to trust and mostly, scared to be happy for once in his life. That’s why Ohno couldn’t give up nor feel angry. Because he understood the young host. He hadn’t been raped nor abused or confined for years. But he had been through the same pain of being deprived of his happiness. His life had been led by the fear of never finding Nino again, he was dead since the day his lover had been kidnapped.
His only solution was to let some time to the younger. But would it work? And if Nino let his trauma eat him and went back to almost the same life he had with Ichirou? Ohno had promised his parents to bring them their son back and he was determined to hold his promise whatever it would cost him.
Taking his jeans off, Ohno frowned when a small paper fell from one of the pockets. Satoshi recognized Nino’s friend’s beautiful writing.
Call me if you need.
I want to help you, this is my number.
Jun
And without thinking anymore, Ohno called Jun.
Two days later, he was at the club and was ordering a cocktail, wondering why he had agreed to come here. The first time he’d come, Ohno had immediately hated this place full of perverts who came to fuck and to cheat on their wives, using the hosts as if they were some kind of sex toys. But what he had mostly hated was Nino’s show. The younger danced so well, was damn sexy and beautiful but seeing him performing in front of all these pervert hungry wolves disgusted him. His Kazu deserved better than this work. A lot better.
“Here you have.” Jun pushed a glass full of a yellow liquid in front of Ohno who blinked.
“Thank you.” Ohno swallowed the substance with suspicion before smiling. “Delicious!”
“It’s Nino’s favorite.” Jun winked. “I’m glad you finally called me. This baka is doing anything to forget you and I’m fed up to watch all this mess from my bar.”
“How is he?”
“Bad. He drinks too much, he sleeps with all the clients he has every night and I suspect him to take some drugs. Anytime I try to talk to him, he ignores me. And it’s not better when Aiba or Tomoya tries…”
“He ignores my calls and my messages…”
“That’s why I thought about a plan. If he loves this work so much, then, he shouldn’t say no to a new special client.” Jun grinned, staring at a lost Ohno who finally gasped.
“Oh no! Forget this idea, I won’t book him!” Ohno exclaimed.
“Why not?”
“I’m against this kind of work! I hate people like them…” Ohno showed the customers in the room. "Who cheat on their wives or take the host for their sex toys.”
“It’s the only way to talk to Nino. And to convince him.”
“Why would it work? At the second he will see my face, he will run away.”
“Not if the orders come from the big boss.” Jun winked.
“What do you mean?”
“I talked to Tomoya and he agreed to send Nino to a very special client’s house.”
“Nino knows where I live.”
“At a love hotel or elsewhere, c’mon, Ohchan -Ohno blinked at the nickname- do you want to have him back or not?” Jun rolled his eyes.
“I do…”
“Then, find a place where you want him to join you and text me. I’ll tell Tomoya where Nino will have to join you.”
“Okay…” Ohno sighed, not sure if this plan was going to work. “I guess I don’t have the choice…”
“We will keep in touch. And I don’t know a lot about your couple but maybe you could find things that Nino owned and that would make him believe you.” Jun smiled and started another drink when a customer sat next to Ohno.
“Hey, babe.”
“Hello, Sho-chan, why are you here, I was meant to join you after my shift, no?” Jun smiled softly.
“Well, I was too impatient to see you.” Sho blushed.
“Baka.” Jun laughed and turned toward Ohno who was staring at them with lost eyes. Okay, he had missed a chapter or what? Since when Jun was dating another man than Aiba? “Go, Nino’s shift starts in some minutes.”
“Okay, thank you Jun.” Ohno nodded and left the counter, not missing Aiba’s stare on the couple. The host’s eyes were full of… pain and anger… and maybe jealousy… Why weren’t they together if they loved each other? Ohno had seen how Jun looked at Aiba when he was preparing the cocktails. And it wasn’t simple looks. But loving ones where you also could see sadness. “You shouldn’t let him go.” Ohno whispered to Aiba before leaving the club.
But I'm holding on for dear life, won't look down, won't open my eyes
Keep my glass full until morning light, 'cause I'm just holding on for tonight
Help me, I'm holding on for dear life, won't look down, won't open my eyes
Keep my glass full until morning light, 'cause I'm just holding on for tonight
On for tonight
Nino left the lodge with anxiety, not ready to face a new night in the club again. It was more and more difficult to come here and to please the customers as time passed. But if he stopped, what would he do? His life could be summarized as being fucked, beaten and raped. Nino knew nothing except how to please men.
“Nino?” Nino jumped and turned his head to see Nagase staring at him.
“Yes, boss?”
“You have been booked for the whole night by a rich client I know well. You’ll go at this hotel and will please him as much as you can. I won’t tolerate any mistake, am I clear?”
“Y-es, boss.” Nino gulped, surprised. Nagase had never threatened him like that before, always thinking about his hosts before the clients. The host bowed and left, not seeing Nagase’s smile.
“And be happy, baka…” The boss whispered when Nino left the club.
****
Nino finally found the hotel in Shibuya. It looked nice and not too luxurious for a man who was very rich like Nagase pretended. Kazunari gave his name and a groom led him to a bedroom where the host knocked before entering when a small ‘enter’ allowed him to.
Nino had imagined a pervert man, maybe an old one or a weirdo but not what he was seeing now.
“What the fuck?” Nino frowned.
“I’ve booked you for the night obviously.” Ohno said softly from the sofa.
“So, you want to fuck me, now? You didn’t have to lie from the beginning, you could have just come to the club and asked to fuck me instead of pretending to be my friend and to love me.” Nino replied coldly, anger starting to win his body. He felt betrayed and ridiculous after all this time he had thought Ohno’s feeling were true. Again, the older had betrayed him just to fuck him like the others. But why did he care so much? After all, he had rejected Ohno, saying he didn’t have the same feeling so, being fucked by him like a whore shouldn’t have hurt him so much.
“I’m not going to fuck you. Come here.” Ohno showed the sofa and Nino sat next to him, not hiding his anger.
“What do you want?”
“I want to talk. And this time, you are going to listen. I have paid a lot to have you for the night after all.” Nino blinked at the firm tone. Since when the shy fisherman could be so… strict?
“I’m listening.”
“I know you’re scared. It’s normal to be after what you went through. It’s also normal to be angry at me for letting you to this piece of shit all this time.”
“I don’t…” Nino closed his mouth when Ohno threw him a severe look, making him shiver.
“I swear I did everything to find you. For ten years, I have been looking for you, I have stopped to live for you. I can understand your doubts, you have been betrayed so much that it’s normal to not believe me. But maybe you will believe in our memories…” Ohno said sadly, making Nino blink when the older put an album on his lap. “I thought I had lost it but the family who lives in your parents’ old house had kept it and were waiting for me to come back. It’s everything we lived together since our meeting…”
Nino opened the book with shaking hands and gasped, seeing a picture of Ohno and him. The date said this photo had been taken when Nino was 12. The younger turned the pages and discovered lots of pictures showing him and Ohno, sometimes they were only together, sometimes they were with Nino’s parents. Under every picture, Nino could recognize his writing describing what happened this day, the place, the date and sometimes the hour. This album gathered all the years he had spent with Ohno with incredible details that couldn’t have been invented.
“It’s our life together. And this is your diary. The family gave it to me. They said it was under your old mattress… I haven’t read it…” Ohno put a small blue book on Nino’s lap and stood up to take a glass of whisky.
Nino laid on the sofa and read the diary that covered three years of his life. Since his meeting with Satoshi until his kidnapping. Tears started to roll down his cheeks as the pages were turned, telling his life, all the years he had forgotten because of Ichirou’s treatment. Pictures started to slowly invade Nino’s mind like some kind of flash, forcing him to face things he didn’t want to remember. Curling in a ball, Kazunari grabbed his head, crying loudly and balancing his body backwards and forwards.
“Kazu?” Ohno blinked and sat next to him.
“He… he tortured me for days...” Nino cried. “I thought he was going to kill me… He wanted me to forget my life and to say I loved him… But I didn’t want to… I gave up the day he threatened me with a hammer. He was going… to break my hand to prevent me to play ever again… I gave up and told him what he wanted to hear… I tried to resist… I called your name so many times but you never came to save me…” Nino cried.
“Kazu… I’m so sorry…” Ohno hugged him.
“You never came…” Nino kept repeating before fainting, too exhausted. Ohno put him in bed and laid next to him, stroking his hair like a mother would do with her child.
“I’m so sorry… I’ll never let you go ever again, kitty…” Ohno kept whispering.
Never.
To be continued…
A/N: Hiiiiiii!!!! Finally I’m back after all this time!!! I hadn’t forgotten you little devils but tbh, it took me all these weeks to write this chapter because I couldn’t find any inspiration nor the will to write >< for the readers who follow me, you know how hard it’s for me to keep writing fictions like before. But don’t be afraid, I’ll will end this story, I promise! I have even some ideas for a new Ohmiya/Junba fic but I don’t know if I’ll write it xD
Well, this chapter was pretty hard to write (and I’m not satisfied at all ><) because it was harder than I thought to have our dear Ohmiya talking without Nino running away but also to write Nino’s life after Ichirou’s death. They aren’t together but at least, Ohno managed to make Nino remember what happened after his kidnapping and it’s already a big step. Let’s see if Nino will remember everything and will accept Ohno in his life again ;)
I promise I’ll try to write the next chapter quickly, let’s pray I’ll have the inspiration I need xD
Comments, even short ones are always <3 because knowing we are read help us to keep writing and finding new stories for you J