A broken promise chapter 2
Title: A broken promise
Author: MatsuAurore
Beta: My Sakudada <3
Pairing: Yama
Rating: R (for violence)
Genre: Au, drama, angst, romance
Disclaimer: I wish I could own them xD
Summary: You were alone, you were so sad. Everybody thought nothing could touch you but they were wrong. You were the only one who was able to read people's heart and understand them when they just said you were weird. But why don't you let me try to read your mind? Why don't you let me touch you? Can I be the only one that you'll allow to touch your heart?
A/N: warning: this story is a fiction, Asperger is not like that, I used some of the troubles of this syndrome for Ohchan's character but it's not really a real Asperger, if you've any questions about this syndrome, you can make some research or ask me via a message, I'll explain what is it ^^
Chapter 2:
All my life, I thought I was a freak. At the beginning, I just thought I had seen the things in a different way than the others but when I was 9 years old, I understood I was a freak. During nine years, I tried to understand the other's judgment, their opinion, they view of the world, but I failed. For me, they just were stupid and selfish. Nothing was counting more than their own person, their own happiness. At five years old, I was lonely, boys and girls of my classroom said I just was weird with my drawings and my sleepy face. I was afraid by the outside and the other's touch and stayed in a corner during the recess. I couldn't tell my mother that I hated school, that peopled scared me, that there was too many noises around me. But when I was 9 years old, my sensei asked me to see my parents. She explained she was worried for me because of the others. It was true, sometimes, boys beat me because I was weird like they said. After that, my parents took me at a psychologist. I made some test and the man said to my parents I had Asperger's syndrome. What a weird name! But I think it's a good name for someone as weird as me. The psychologist explained I was different than the other children. I saw the world in a different way, I was more sensitive, could feel people's mood or feelings very well and even could draw perfectly something I had just seen one time in my life. After that, my mum cried a lot and my dad started to look at me with reproachful eyes. It was unfair, it wasn't my fault if I was born this way! As the time passed, things started to get worse. I was more and more afraid by the outside and the others. I made horrible crisis at home. I couldn't help it, my body was acting against my will. I couldn't stop this fear, I couldn't stop the noise around me. I just could scream and cry to escape from the world. I often bit my skin to stop those attacks. One day, my dad couldn't resist and slapped my face. At the beginning, it was just a slap, but it became worst as the time passed.
"Ohno is a freak, Ohno is a freak!" The boy sang, looking at me with mocking eyes.
"I'm not a freak." I said with teary eyes.
"Ohno is weird!" Another boy laughed.
"Stop, stop!" I put my hands on my ears and ran away, crying loudly. Why everybody was seeing me like that? Why did I have to bear this nastiness? I rushed to my home, still crying and closed the door.
"Satoshi?" My mother knocked on the door but I didn't answer. She entered into my bedroom and kneeled in front of me. "Satoshi, my angel, what happened?" She tried to touch me but I pushed her hand away, screaming. "Toshi, my love, what happened?" She tried again but I scratched her hand and curled in a ball, rocking my body backward and forward. I hated myself for what I did to her but I couldn't stop this fear around me.
"How do you dare hit your mother like that, little bastard?!" My father's voice resounded and I froze. My father gripped my hair and I screamed in pain.
"Shouta, stop!" My mother shouted but my dad didn't stop and I scratched his arm, fear blurring my vision.
"How did you dare?!" My father hit my face and I fell on the ground, crying loudly. He grabbed my arm and pushed me in my cupboard and locked me up inside. I screamed and hit the door, afraid.
"You're just a freak!" My father shouted and let me inside.
"Daddy, daddy!" I grabbed my head with my hands and screamed loudly, tears rolling on my cheeks. "Mummy, mummy!" I cried, hitting the door with my fist but nobody came. After some hours, I fell asleep, exhausted. When I woke up, I was in my bed, my mother holding my hand.
"I'm sorry, Satoshi." She whispered, tears rolling on her cheeks.
I smiled at her weakly and shook my head. It wasn't important, I was used to be treated like that. If my father didn't beat her, it was the most important for me. If she was safe, I was safe. My mum, stroked my cheek tenderly and I closed my eyes happily. I loved my mum's touch, it was always warms, soft and full of love. She knew how to react with me, even when I was making my crisis. I felt so grateful she was still loving me after what I did to her.
****
"Satoshi, I need to buy some stuff for my car, you'll come with me." My father told me the next morning. I froze. I knew what it meant. We'll take the train, my second nightmare after the dark.
"Shouta, dear, Toshi is afraid by the train." My mother said softly.
"I know and that's why I want him to go with me. You treat him like a baby but he is 13 years old, he has to act like an adult. I'm piss of these stupid fear and crisis he makes. He'll learn what is the outside. Stop to overprotect him like that, Satoko!" My father snapped.
My body was shaking in fear when I was listening to him. I couldn't. The train was something very horrible to me, there was too much people, too much noise, I couldn't bear it. But I knew I hadn't the choice.
The afternoon, my father took me with him. I had my blue scarf with me. My mum gave me this scarf when I was 9 years old, to help me to overcome my fears. When I was anxious, I tightened my scarf in my hands to calm down. Today, was the same, while my fears were invading me, I was twisting my scarf between my fingers. When my dad and me reached the train, panic invaded me and I moved back, shaking in fear.
"Satoshi, come on!" My father looked at me with severe eyes and I gulped. I shook my head and made a step back again, sweat rolling on my temple. There was too much noise and I already could see a lot of people 15 meters further.
"No." I whispered, afraid.
"Satoshi, it's my last warning!" My father said but I shook my head. Some people were looking at us but I didn't care, I couldn't go there.
"Satoshi!!!" My father grabbed my arm and tried to make me move but I screamed and bursted into tears. "Satoshi, everybody are looking at us!" My father yelled but I scratched his arm. My dad slapped my face roughly, making me see stars and I cried.
"Please, daddy, no. I can't, it's scary!" I cried, tears blurring my vision.
"Be a man, little bastard!" My father slapped my face again and without thinking, I ran away.
I ran. I ran without looking where I went. I put my hands on my ears, trying to stop these horrible noises. People were staring at me with strange eyes and I hid myself in a small street behind a dustbin. I tightened my knees against me, crying loudly and rocking my body backward and forward.
"Mama." I sobbed.
I don't know how many times I stayed here but when a policeman found me, it was dark outside.
"Satoshi!!!" My mum exclaimed, running toward me and hugging me against her tightly.
"Mama." I whispered.
"You're so cold, come with me, I made you a hot bath."
When we entered into our home, my father crossed my look but didn't say anything. I took a hot bath but when I left the bathroom, my dad caught my arm and took me in my bedroom. He slapped my face and threw me in the cupboard.
"You're such a shame!" He shouted and locked the cupboard.
"Dad, no, please, let me go out!" I hit the door but none answer came.
I curled in a ball, crying silently. I knew I would be there for a long time and fell asleep.
I stayed in the cupboard the whole night. I could hear my mother crying and begging my father to let me go out.
The next morning, my mum opened the door and I blinked, seeing a bruise on her cheek.
"Mama." I whispered, touching her skin softly with the tip of my fingers.
"Don't worry, Satoshi, it's nothing, I bumped into the door." She hugged me tightly. I knew she was lying but I didn't say anything.
Three years. Three years of nightmare. During three years, my dad beat me and locked me up in this scary cupboard with no light. My mother always tried to protect me but my dad beat her too. When I was 16 years old, all changed. I was drawing in my bedroom when my father came back home. He was stinking alcohol and when my mum asked him where he was, he punched her face.
"Shut up, bitch!"
"Mama!!!" I ran toward her and took her in my arms.
"It's okay, Toshi, I'm all right." She whispered painfully.
"Toshi, Toshi, Toshi! You just have your son's name in your mouth, Hanako! When will you realize he isn't our son, he's such a freak, his existence is a shame!" My father yelled and I looked at him with a broken look. "Stop staring at me, freak!" My father hit my face with his foot and I fell on the ground, shouting in pain.
"Shouta!!" My mum screamed but when she tried to take me in her arms, my father grabbed my arm and threw me against the wall. My head hit the wall and then, I felt my father's foot in my stomach. I shouted, air leaving my chest but my dad caught my hair, looking at me in the eyes.
"You're so disgusting!" His fist hit my face and I fainted.
When I woke up, my mother was making our luggage’s and we left our house while my father was sleeping. I felt so happy when I thought my father wouldn't hit me and my mum nor locked me up in this dark place. My mother looked for a new house and we started a new life just together. It took me a lot of years to overcome my trauma and even after 9 years, I was still afraid by the other's touch and by the dark. I made a lot of crisis and my mother let me stopped the school. I stayed with her, drawing or looking at the sea everyday. I always asked to myself why I was so different, why everybody were seeing me like a freak. Loneliness was my daily and sadness was my only feeling.
But one day, all changed. I was sitting on the sand, looking at the horizon when I saw him. A lot of tears were rolling on his face and I understood someone had betrayed him when I saw how hurt and empty were his eyes. He was beautiful, very beautiful. He had black hair not too long, not too short and a full pink mouth. He had some muscles which was giving him a protective air. He seemed kind despite his tears and I looked away when my eyes met his. He kneeled in front of me, asking me if I was all right but when he tried to touch me, fear exploded in my body and I screamed. He started to panic and when my mum hugged me, I calmed down.
The man's name was Sho Sakurai. He asked to my mother why I was acting so strangely and when she told him why, I thought Sakurai would run away in the next second. But he didn't. He even asked to meet me again. Did he feel pity for me? Did he try to laugh at me by acting kindly? There were so many questions in my mind but none answer.
The next day, he came as he promised and a new feeling started to grow in my heart. I didn't speak but it didn't seem to bother him. He was staying next to me, looking at the ocean and sometimes, explaining why he loved this place. During two weeks, we met on the beach, at the same place, looking at the horizon, Sho speaking about his hobbies. One day, I brought my material and drew a landscape. He tried to do the same but when I saw his drawing, I bursted out laughing at how it was weird. A mushroom and a snowhite. But Sho pouted and told me it was Totoro and Mei. Even if his drawing was funny, it was the most beautiful I had ever seen because it was Sho. It was a part of him, of his kindness. When I came back at home, I put Sho's drawing on the wall of my bedroom.
For the most beautiful person of the world. Because you can read our heart better than no one else.
Sho
His sentence almost made me cry. It was the first time someone told me so beautiful words. I wanted to know him, I wanted to understand why he was treating me like his friend and why my heart was beating so fast when he was next to me.
To be continued...
Author: MatsuAurore
Beta: My Sakudada <3
Pairing: Yama
Rating: R (for violence)
Genre: Au, drama, angst, romance
Disclaimer: I wish I could own them xD
Summary: You were alone, you were so sad. Everybody thought nothing could touch you but they were wrong. You were the only one who was able to read people's heart and understand them when they just said you were weird. But why don't you let me try to read your mind? Why don't you let me touch you? Can I be the only one that you'll allow to touch your heart?
A/N: warning: this story is a fiction, Asperger is not like that, I used some of the troubles of this syndrome for Ohchan's character but it's not really a real Asperger, if you've any questions about this syndrome, you can make some research or ask me via a message, I'll explain what is it ^^
Chapter 2:
All my life, I thought I was a freak. At the beginning, I just thought I had seen the things in a different way than the others but when I was 9 years old, I understood I was a freak. During nine years, I tried to understand the other's judgment, their opinion, they view of the world, but I failed. For me, they just were stupid and selfish. Nothing was counting more than their own person, their own happiness. At five years old, I was lonely, boys and girls of my classroom said I just was weird with my drawings and my sleepy face. I was afraid by the outside and the other's touch and stayed in a corner during the recess. I couldn't tell my mother that I hated school, that peopled scared me, that there was too many noises around me. But when I was 9 years old, my sensei asked me to see my parents. She explained she was worried for me because of the others. It was true, sometimes, boys beat me because I was weird like they said. After that, my parents took me at a psychologist. I made some test and the man said to my parents I had Asperger's syndrome. What a weird name! But I think it's a good name for someone as weird as me. The psychologist explained I was different than the other children. I saw the world in a different way, I was more sensitive, could feel people's mood or feelings very well and even could draw perfectly something I had just seen one time in my life. After that, my mum cried a lot and my dad started to look at me with reproachful eyes. It was unfair, it wasn't my fault if I was born this way! As the time passed, things started to get worse. I was more and more afraid by the outside and the others. I made horrible crisis at home. I couldn't help it, my body was acting against my will. I couldn't stop this fear, I couldn't stop the noise around me. I just could scream and cry to escape from the world. I often bit my skin to stop those attacks. One day, my dad couldn't resist and slapped my face. At the beginning, it was just a slap, but it became worst as the time passed.
"Ohno is a freak, Ohno is a freak!" The boy sang, looking at me with mocking eyes.
"I'm not a freak." I said with teary eyes.
"Ohno is weird!" Another boy laughed.
"Stop, stop!" I put my hands on my ears and ran away, crying loudly. Why everybody was seeing me like that? Why did I have to bear this nastiness? I rushed to my home, still crying and closed the door.
"Satoshi?" My mother knocked on the door but I didn't answer. She entered into my bedroom and kneeled in front of me. "Satoshi, my angel, what happened?" She tried to touch me but I pushed her hand away, screaming. "Toshi, my love, what happened?" She tried again but I scratched her hand and curled in a ball, rocking my body backward and forward. I hated myself for what I did to her but I couldn't stop this fear around me.
"How do you dare hit your mother like that, little bastard?!" My father's voice resounded and I froze. My father gripped my hair and I screamed in pain.
"Shouta, stop!" My mother shouted but my dad didn't stop and I scratched his arm, fear blurring my vision.
"How did you dare?!" My father hit my face and I fell on the ground, crying loudly. He grabbed my arm and pushed me in my cupboard and locked me up inside. I screamed and hit the door, afraid.
"You're just a freak!" My father shouted and let me inside.
"Daddy, daddy!" I grabbed my head with my hands and screamed loudly, tears rolling on my cheeks. "Mummy, mummy!" I cried, hitting the door with my fist but nobody came. After some hours, I fell asleep, exhausted. When I woke up, I was in my bed, my mother holding my hand.
"I'm sorry, Satoshi." She whispered, tears rolling on her cheeks.
I smiled at her weakly and shook my head. It wasn't important, I was used to be treated like that. If my father didn't beat her, it was the most important for me. If she was safe, I was safe. My mum, stroked my cheek tenderly and I closed my eyes happily. I loved my mum's touch, it was always warms, soft and full of love. She knew how to react with me, even when I was making my crisis. I felt so grateful she was still loving me after what I did to her.
****
"Satoshi, I need to buy some stuff for my car, you'll come with me." My father told me the next morning. I froze. I knew what it meant. We'll take the train, my second nightmare after the dark.
"Shouta, dear, Toshi is afraid by the train." My mother said softly.
"I know and that's why I want him to go with me. You treat him like a baby but he is 13 years old, he has to act like an adult. I'm piss of these stupid fear and crisis he makes. He'll learn what is the outside. Stop to overprotect him like that, Satoko!" My father snapped.
My body was shaking in fear when I was listening to him. I couldn't. The train was something very horrible to me, there was too much people, too much noise, I couldn't bear it. But I knew I hadn't the choice.
The afternoon, my father took me with him. I had my blue scarf with me. My mum gave me this scarf when I was 9 years old, to help me to overcome my fears. When I was anxious, I tightened my scarf in my hands to calm down. Today, was the same, while my fears were invading me, I was twisting my scarf between my fingers. When my dad and me reached the train, panic invaded me and I moved back, shaking in fear.
"Satoshi, come on!" My father looked at me with severe eyes and I gulped. I shook my head and made a step back again, sweat rolling on my temple. There was too much noise and I already could see a lot of people 15 meters further.
"No." I whispered, afraid.
"Satoshi, it's my last warning!" My father said but I shook my head. Some people were looking at us but I didn't care, I couldn't go there.
"Satoshi!!!" My father grabbed my arm and tried to make me move but I screamed and bursted into tears. "Satoshi, everybody are looking at us!" My father yelled but I scratched his arm. My dad slapped my face roughly, making me see stars and I cried.
"Please, daddy, no. I can't, it's scary!" I cried, tears blurring my vision.
"Be a man, little bastard!" My father slapped my face again and without thinking, I ran away.
I ran. I ran without looking where I went. I put my hands on my ears, trying to stop these horrible noises. People were staring at me with strange eyes and I hid myself in a small street behind a dustbin. I tightened my knees against me, crying loudly and rocking my body backward and forward.
"Mama." I sobbed.
I don't know how many times I stayed here but when a policeman found me, it was dark outside.
"Satoshi!!!" My mum exclaimed, running toward me and hugging me against her tightly.
"Mama." I whispered.
"You're so cold, come with me, I made you a hot bath."
When we entered into our home, my father crossed my look but didn't say anything. I took a hot bath but when I left the bathroom, my dad caught my arm and took me in my bedroom. He slapped my face and threw me in the cupboard.
"You're such a shame!" He shouted and locked the cupboard.
"Dad, no, please, let me go out!" I hit the door but none answer came.
I curled in a ball, crying silently. I knew I would be there for a long time and fell asleep.
I stayed in the cupboard the whole night. I could hear my mother crying and begging my father to let me go out.
The next morning, my mum opened the door and I blinked, seeing a bruise on her cheek.
"Mama." I whispered, touching her skin softly with the tip of my fingers.
"Don't worry, Satoshi, it's nothing, I bumped into the door." She hugged me tightly. I knew she was lying but I didn't say anything.
Three years. Three years of nightmare. During three years, my dad beat me and locked me up in this scary cupboard with no light. My mother always tried to protect me but my dad beat her too. When I was 16 years old, all changed. I was drawing in my bedroom when my father came back home. He was stinking alcohol and when my mum asked him where he was, he punched her face.
"Shut up, bitch!"
"Mama!!!" I ran toward her and took her in my arms.
"It's okay, Toshi, I'm all right." She whispered painfully.
"Toshi, Toshi, Toshi! You just have your son's name in your mouth, Hanako! When will you realize he isn't our son, he's such a freak, his existence is a shame!" My father yelled and I looked at him with a broken look. "Stop staring at me, freak!" My father hit my face with his foot and I fell on the ground, shouting in pain.
"Shouta!!" My mum screamed but when she tried to take me in her arms, my father grabbed my arm and threw me against the wall. My head hit the wall and then, I felt my father's foot in my stomach. I shouted, air leaving my chest but my dad caught my hair, looking at me in the eyes.
"You're so disgusting!" His fist hit my face and I fainted.
When I woke up, my mother was making our luggage’s and we left our house while my father was sleeping. I felt so happy when I thought my father wouldn't hit me and my mum nor locked me up in this dark place. My mother looked for a new house and we started a new life just together. It took me a lot of years to overcome my trauma and even after 9 years, I was still afraid by the other's touch and by the dark. I made a lot of crisis and my mother let me stopped the school. I stayed with her, drawing or looking at the sea everyday. I always asked to myself why I was so different, why everybody were seeing me like a freak. Loneliness was my daily and sadness was my only feeling.
But one day, all changed. I was sitting on the sand, looking at the horizon when I saw him. A lot of tears were rolling on his face and I understood someone had betrayed him when I saw how hurt and empty were his eyes. He was beautiful, very beautiful. He had black hair not too long, not too short and a full pink mouth. He had some muscles which was giving him a protective air. He seemed kind despite his tears and I looked away when my eyes met his. He kneeled in front of me, asking me if I was all right but when he tried to touch me, fear exploded in my body and I screamed. He started to panic and when my mum hugged me, I calmed down.
The man's name was Sho Sakurai. He asked to my mother why I was acting so strangely and when she told him why, I thought Sakurai would run away in the next second. But he didn't. He even asked to meet me again. Did he feel pity for me? Did he try to laugh at me by acting kindly? There were so many questions in my mind but none answer.
The next day, he came as he promised and a new feeling started to grow in my heart. I didn't speak but it didn't seem to bother him. He was staying next to me, looking at the ocean and sometimes, explaining why he loved this place. During two weeks, we met on the beach, at the same place, looking at the horizon, Sho speaking about his hobbies. One day, I brought my material and drew a landscape. He tried to do the same but when I saw his drawing, I bursted out laughing at how it was weird. A mushroom and a snowhite. But Sho pouted and told me it was Totoro and Mei. Even if his drawing was funny, it was the most beautiful I had ever seen because it was Sho. It was a part of him, of his kindness. When I came back at home, I put Sho's drawing on the wall of my bedroom.
For the most beautiful person of the world. Because you can read our heart better than no one else.
Sho
His sentence almost made me cry. It was the first time someone told me so beautiful words. I wanted to know him, I wanted to understand why he was treating me like his friend and why my heart was beating so fast when he was next to me.
To be continued...