found

[mattafix_007]

yesterday i am driving along and bam! it hit me... i found it. some of you know me as being pretty light and possibly easy to get along with and i would say that almost none of you know that i have a very very very deeply rooted anger inside of me that always bubbling just below the surface. i get angry at everyone else and at myself quite often

Comments

[jagwire]

Pretty sure I know exactly how you feel. I've spent so long being angry and feeling betrayed by the world that nearly every other emotion feels like it's walled off behind 3 feet of glass; I can see them, but can't touch or feel them.

Sure, I get happy or excited, but those things are always tempered by the expectation, nay, certainty, that things are going to fuck up again soon like they always do, and then I kick myself for feeling good in the first place.

Most of my interaction with the world and the people in it is a kind of wry, sarcastic cynicism at best, and complete blankness at worst. I've been watching Dexter lately (if you haven't seen it, you should) and while I know I don't fit the profile of a sociopath, I can relate very strongly when he talks about being unable to feel.

If these things are coming up for you, then deal with them. It'll suck, it'll hurt, but it'll be temporary. Better now, than regretting your inaction on your deathbed.

[valura]

*holds out hand*

dood this must be such an important realisation cause spirit actually got me to look here because you had posted.

it rang so many bells for me... the most of all was Jacqui my angel friend from nz who said to me one night (while drunk, crying, and shivering in the cold) "your anger is just fear in disguise Kris, embrace it and know it, dont isolate it and feed it."

oh man... something big is looming. Jacqui is moving to brisbane dont you know?

(im having all these spirit thoughts as Im typing this to you..)

ARRGHGH my break is up Ill call you tonight.

Love you gentle soul.

[elkepixie]

what a wonderful moment of realization... thankyou for sharing...:::*

hope your birthday was filled with love and happiness*:.

[mattafix_007]

yeah i'm totally sinking into it and i'm not scared about slipping into myself and dealing with all this stuff. i've been through enough stuff to keep my wits about me. when i say that though i feel like i am portraying myself as saying "i've had the toughest life and i can deal with anything". i'm not. i've had quite a beautiful life with loving friends and family. most of my troubles are self perpetuated mental inabilities that i am trying to overcome