And It's All Down Hill From Here...
So... I guess you should remember that "last" entry.
"Chicks"
Please pay no attention to this one. Just read it and that's all.
SHE COULD HAVE F-ING TOLD ME!!!
Well, that "chick" is named Kim whom I've liked for a long time now. In fact, goin' on 5ish years or so, ever since I met her in High School. Last summer Kim and I recently got to spend more time together as friends, which was great. (Mandy, you remember Kim. You both had a good laugh at my expense...) Over the summer we spent a lot of time together, more or less. And I was having lots of fun just being her friend. Then the summer was over, and as most or all of you know, I went to CLU. She went off to Sac State, but we kept in touch via AIM. Heck, she even made me make a section on my AIM buddy list called the "Special List" just for her.
We still joked around here and there. Had fun and what not. Then she broke up with her b/f. I was like "HELL YEAH!!!" So, I waited for the "right" moment. Took her out for a drive while we were both back in the bay. Asked her out on a formal date. Around this time the car decided to die on me. That was fun. She didn't talk much about our situation, just tried to laugh our way out of an awkward night. It sucked though, we didn't talk for a while after that. In fact, we didn't even speak for a month because I was afraid that I offended her. Then I appologise to her for being so forward and messing up our friendship. But I also said that I'm not sorry for the way I feel and that that is not gonna change. But she didn't really say anything to me. So I just left it there and I went on my way, trying not to press the issue much. I found out from a mutual friend that she had actually gotten back with her ex before the winter break started. Just a little detail that she forgot to tell me. That's where that one post came in. Why didn't she tell me?
So she finally answers back. I just got all this today. Here's the AIM conversation:
Me : so...
Kim : yeah
Me : now what ...?
Kim : well, i talked to my ex, and he is going to IRAQ, and when he comes back, he is going to ask me to marry him
And now I'm all "DAMIT!!!" But, hey, I missed my chance. Not so bad, eh?
Then, later on in our conversation...
Kim : i want to tell you something
Kim : but i think it would just be irrelevent now
Me : well, i really doubt it
Kim : it makes no sense for me to tell you now, I should have told you when we were still in HS
Me : you know, you're not making me want to hear it any less
Me : whatever it is, just tell me
Kim: well, i wanted to be with you when we were in HS, and I never intended to get with my ex...i wanted to be with you but i was forced to be with him by my best friend the weekend of my birthday, and we fell in love from there...i never thought that that was the way it was going to be. I thought we were gonna break up cuz i didn't think it was gonna work out...when I was gonna break up with him, i was gonna be with you. I never intended for it to be this way... it just happened
Kim: i just wanted to let you know that there was a time when i did want to be with you
Kim: i liked you alot
That really put the salt on the wound. I mean, it was bad enough that they're gonna get married. But now, I have to live with the fact that not only did I miss my chance, but I missed my chance of having a great relationship.
Ever have one of those moments where you feel like your heart was litterally ripped out of your chest and placed on a chopping block? It sucks how often it's been happening to me. I mean, it's not like it happens every day. I try to avoid situations like that. I have my reasons. But this was one of those times when I thought I needed to put myself out there and hope for the best. Apparently not.
Some of my friends know it's taken me a while to actually consider going out with somebody, or just asking them out. At one point I told Kevin that "I don't want to date anymore. I don't want the heart ache that I went through the last time." He told me that "that's crazy. There's gonna be somebody who comes into your life when you lease expect it and totally sweeps you off your feet." Kim was that one. And now...
WTF MATE
"Chicks"
Please pay no attention to this one. Just read it and that's all.
SHE COULD HAVE F-ING TOLD ME!!!
Well, that "chick" is named Kim whom I've liked for a long time now. In fact, goin' on 5ish years or so, ever since I met her in High School. Last summer Kim and I recently got to spend more time together as friends, which was great. (Mandy, you remember Kim. You both had a good laugh at my expense...) Over the summer we spent a lot of time together, more or less. And I was having lots of fun just being her friend. Then the summer was over, and as most or all of you know, I went to CLU. She went off to Sac State, but we kept in touch via AIM. Heck, she even made me make a section on my AIM buddy list called the "Special List" just for her.
We still joked around here and there. Had fun and what not. Then she broke up with her b/f. I was like "HELL YEAH!!!" So, I waited for the "right" moment. Took her out for a drive while we were both back in the bay. Asked her out on a formal date. Around this time the car decided to die on me. That was fun. She didn't talk much about our situation, just tried to laugh our way out of an awkward night. It sucked though, we didn't talk for a while after that. In fact, we didn't even speak for a month because I was afraid that I offended her. Then I appologise to her for being so forward and messing up our friendship. But I also said that I'm not sorry for the way I feel and that that is not gonna change. But she didn't really say anything to me. So I just left it there and I went on my way, trying not to press the issue much. I found out from a mutual friend that she had actually gotten back with her ex before the winter break started. Just a little detail that she forgot to tell me. That's where that one post came in. Why didn't she tell me?
So she finally answers back. I just got all this today. Here's the AIM conversation:
Me : so...
Kim : yeah
Me : now what ...?
Kim : well, i talked to my ex, and he is going to IRAQ, and when he comes back, he is going to ask me to marry him
And now I'm all "DAMIT!!!" But, hey, I missed my chance. Not so bad, eh?
Then, later on in our conversation...
Kim : i want to tell you something
Kim : but i think it would just be irrelevent now
Me : well, i really doubt it
Kim : it makes no sense for me to tell you now, I should have told you when we were still in HS
Me : you know, you're not making me want to hear it any less
Me : whatever it is, just tell me
Kim: well, i wanted to be with you when we were in HS, and I never intended to get with my ex...i wanted to be with you but i was forced to be with him by my best friend the weekend of my birthday, and we fell in love from there...i never thought that that was the way it was going to be. I thought we were gonna break up cuz i didn't think it was gonna work out...when I was gonna break up with him, i was gonna be with you. I never intended for it to be this way... it just happened
Kim: i just wanted to let you know that there was a time when i did want to be with you
Kim: i liked you alot
That really put the salt on the wound. I mean, it was bad enough that they're gonna get married. But now, I have to live with the fact that not only did I miss my chance, but I missed my chance of having a great relationship.
Ever have one of those moments where you feel like your heart was litterally ripped out of your chest and placed on a chopping block? It sucks how often it's been happening to me. I mean, it's not like it happens every day. I try to avoid situations like that. I have my reasons. But this was one of those times when I thought I needed to put myself out there and hope for the best. Apparently not.
Some of my friends know it's taken me a while to actually consider going out with somebody, or just asking them out. At one point I told Kevin that "I don't want to date anymore. I don't want the heart ache that I went through the last time." He told me that "that's crazy. There's gonna be somebody who comes into your life when you lease expect it and totally sweeps you off your feet." Kim was that one. And now...
WTF MATE