Well, three guesses who you're talking about here... ;) It's become very difficult for all of us down here to deal with them. We can only imagine what it must be like for you to bear the brunt of all this.
We haven't cut off contact, but we have taken a few steps back (perhaps unconsciously) to see how things pan out. I mean, come on. Having "a rough time right now" is one thing. Having a rough three years is entirely another. After a while, the same old excuses just don't cut it anymore.
Because she's so attached (and, yes, obsessed) with you, it's going to be even more difficult for you to even attempt to take those few steps back. Any inch of distance that she feels will cause more trouble. It's a risk, my friend, but the cord has to be cut at some point.
Thanks for your thoughts Kiz - I know that you were in the firing line yourself recently with this particular person and I really felt for ya, because I know so well how frustrating this person can be.
The constant excuses as you mentioned are wearing extremely thin... Use those issues perhaps as a REASON....but not as an EXCUSE. And even using them as a reason 3 years later is a little concerning.
I just can't take the constant crap anymore. It hurts me that I have basically lost someone I used to be so close with...if only they knew that they are their own worst enemy and through the course of their actions are losing friends...even best friends...one by one...and very soon, there will be none left.
We've done all we can do Kiz. Ultimately we aren't responsible for this persons actions and we have no right to be made to feel bad by this person constantly.
Now it's just a matter of sitting back...patiently awaiting the arrival of World War 3...which - both you and I know - is extremely imminate :(
It can be painful to let go of somebody that was once your closest companion. But you don't have to completely separate yourself from them...you can still take some steps back and turn down the temperature for a while. But the important thing is to not only make your decision, but stick by it. You need to be strong and permit yourself to be Totally About You for a while. You already give so much of yourself away with this person - what's left for you? This would be good time to figure that out.
I've tried taking a few steps back... But it doesnt work - this person just gets angrier at me and I cop more abuse.
The worst thing is...in her mind she's doing nothing wrong. In her mind I'm the one to blame. I try to tell her that other people feel the same way I do about the way she acts...but it falls on deaf ears. Because of this - she doesnt understand why I'm now ignoring her...even though I explain over and over again. Do you think she's oblivious to these things? Does she have a few screws loose? Or does she just chose not to listen - opting to remain in denial about the situation as a whole!? I wish I had the answers.
It's A Tough One
anonymous
April 5 2005, 14:00:16 UTC
I will try not to let my personal dislike of this person shape my response. Here is my unbiased as possible two cents. As you've already said, she is so oblivious to reality that the only thing her head is telling her is that she's right and you're wrong and that's all there is to it. In her world, you're the worst friend in the world if you don't return a text message. Taking a step back would be a palatable method of approach IF it was suitable to this situation. However, because a step back makes things even worse, there is only one option I can see. End the friendship until she sorts herself out. She will of course see this as totally unfair and she will probably tell you the friendship is over forever in a fit of rage - but I honestly believe that it can be a temporary break if she can sort out her life. Once her mind is back to being healthy, I believe she will seek your friendship again. People may tell you that in a time like this she needs her friends to help her through - but when she's had your support for this long and
( ... )
>>However, because a step back makes things even worse, there is only one option I can see. End the friendship until she sorts herself out.<<
That's exactly what I think - I had a similar situation. I tried to take a step back, but it only made things worse, so I cut contact completely. He tried to keep contacting me for a month or so, but eventually got the hint and left me alone. Of course, for you it doesn't have to be a permanent thing, just a temporary step. Good luck!
AMEN TO EVERYONEastroboyclintApril 6 2005, 07:33:51 UTC
Honestly there are two options in this scenario
1. keep seeing getting a constant barrage ofshit arse messages. putting up with her mind games
2. stop talking to her cut her out completely until she pulls her head in. if she doesnt keep it that way so at least one of you can be happy because she is never going to be happy. she loves drama too much!!!
The person we are talking about is a dillusional manipulative annoying frustrating little bee.
So...................... and the horse she road in on
Comments 10
We haven't cut off contact, but we have taken a few steps back (perhaps unconsciously) to see how things pan out. I mean, come on. Having "a rough time right now" is one thing. Having a rough three years is entirely another. After a while, the same old excuses just don't cut it anymore.
Because she's so attached (and, yes, obsessed) with you, it's going to be even more difficult for you to even attempt to take those few steps back. Any inch of distance that she feels will cause more trouble. It's a risk, my friend, but the cord has to be cut at some point.
Reply
The constant excuses as you mentioned are wearing extremely thin...
Use those issues perhaps as a REASON....but not as an EXCUSE.
And even using them as a reason 3 years later is a little concerning.
I just can't take the constant crap anymore. It hurts me that I have basically lost someone I used to be so close with...if only they knew that they are their own worst enemy and through the course of their actions are losing friends...even best friends...one by one...and very soon, there will be none left.
We've done all we can do Kiz. Ultimately we aren't responsible for this persons actions and we have no right to be made to feel bad by this person constantly.
Now it's just a matter of sitting back...patiently awaiting the arrival of World War 3...which - both you and I know - is extremely imminate :(
Reply
Reply
But it doesnt work - this person just gets angrier at me and I cop more abuse.
The worst thing is...in her mind she's doing nothing wrong. In her mind I'm the one to blame. I try to tell her that other people feel the same way I do about the way she acts...but it falls on deaf ears.
Because of this - she doesnt understand why I'm now ignoring her...even though I explain over and over again. Do you think she's oblivious to these things? Does she have a few screws loose? Or does she just chose not to listen - opting to remain in denial about the situation as a whole!? I wish I had the answers.
Reply
Reply
Reply
That's exactly what I think - I had a similar situation. I tried to take a step back, but it only made things worse, so I cut contact completely. He tried to keep contacting me for a month or so, but eventually got the hint and left me alone. Of course, for you it doesn't have to be a permanent thing, just a temporary step. Good luck!
Reply
1. keep seeing getting a constant barrage ofshit arse messages. putting up with her mind games
2. stop talking to her cut her out completely until she pulls her head in. if she doesnt keep it that way so at least one of you can be happy because she is never going to be happy. she loves drama too much!!!
The person we are talking about is a dillusional manipulative annoying frustrating little bee.
So...................... and the horse she road in on
(harsh... but was anyone really surprised?)
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