A Break From Latin
The following is a gmail transcript of a conversation between me and one of my friends. Everything was bolded in the original, but I don't really want to go through and do the html tags for everything, least of all when my computer is being a cocksucker and has decided "Hey, you know how making any symbol character was easy once? FUCK THAT. They all now create unprintable characters if you try to type another character after them!"
Eka: *EXECUTE BEST CONVO EVER FUNCTION*
me: *RETORTS WITH STARTLING VULGARITY AND CREATIVITY IN LANGUAGE THAT IS DWARFED ONLY BY ELOQUENCE*
Eka: *IS STARTLED INTO MULTILINGUAL TIRADE OF EXCESSIVELY DICTATORIAL SPEECHIFYING**
me: *SOMEHOW MANAGES TO DO GESTICULATIONS SIMILAR TO HITLER OVER GCHAT*
Eka: *BEGINS HISTORIC ANALYSIS OF ANCIENT INDIAN POWERSYMBOL APPROPRIATED AND MISUES BY THE THIRD REICH AND GOES ON TO CENSOR THIS SECTION OF CONVERSATION FUNCTION*
**MISUSED*
me: *THANKS HEAVENS THAT HE DOES NOT RECALL ANYTHING BEFORE THIS POINT IN THE CONVERSATION AND NOTES THAT PERHAPS WE SHOULD DISCUSS LEADERLY THINGS*
Eka: *RECALLS PURPOSE IN INITIAL CONTACT: THE COMMITTEE FOR THE PROCUREMENT OF THE BEAVER OUTFIT IS YET TO BE DECIDED UPON*
me: *EXPRESSES FEAR AND TREPIDATION CONCERNING THE RITUAL MASCOT COSTUME MOST SACRED*
Eka: *BOWS IN HONOUR OF MENTION AND PROCEEDS TO ELUMINATE PROCEEDURE FOR OBTAINMENTOF SACRED ARTIFACT*
me: *GASPS IN AWE OF CUNNING PLAN AND MOTIONS THAT A COMMITTEE BE SELECTED FOR THE PURPOSE OF SELECTING A COMMITTEE TO CARRY OUT THE PLAN*
Eka: *POINTS OUT THAT VEHICLE IS REQUIRED AS WELL AS INDIVIDUALS NOT DIRECTIONALLY CHALLENGED: CONUNDRUM POSED*
me: *INQUIRY AS TO WHETHER THE COSTUME SHALL BE PROCURED TEMPORARILY OR PERMANENTLY*
Eka: *RESPONDS THAT CONCEPT OF PERMANENT PROCUREMENT POSES TERRIFYING POTENTIALITIES AS SACRED ARTEFACT SMELLS LIKE DEAD RATS*
me: *NOTATION THAT SMELL OF DEAD RATS IS INDEED A TURN OFF AND FURTHER ADDENDUM TO ORIGINAL POINT THAT LUCIE POSSESSES A VEHICLE THAT IS THE SORT WHICH TRAVELS GREAT DISTANCE AT GREAT SPEED*
*ADDENDUM TO THE ADDENDUM TO THE EFFECT THAT LUCIE HAS ALSO BEEN SHOWN TO POSSESS A GREAT DEAL OF SENSE*
*CONCLUSION THAT CONUNDRUM POSED IS SOLVED*
Eka: *FINAL QUALIFIER: DIRECTIONALLY CHALLENGED?*
me: *REPLY THAT I DO NOT BELIEVE HER TO BE*
*CAUTIONARY NOTATION TO THE EFFECT THAT THIS CLAIM IS LARGELY UNSUBSTANTIATED*
Eka: *REPHRASES QUERY: IS THE PRESIDENT’S CURSE BROKEN?*
me: *INQUIRY AS TO THE NATURE OF THE CURSE*
Eka: *IT BE THREE PRESIDENTS RUNNING WITH NO SENSE OF DIRECTION... BE IT UP, DOWN, LEFT, RIGHT, OR ANY WHICH ONE OF THE CARDINAL POINTS ON A COMPASS*
me: *EJACULATION EXPRESSING REGRET AND CONCERN FOR THE FUTURE*
Eka: *DEEP DISTRACTION DUE TO MENTAL IMAGERY RESULTS IN PAUSE*
me: *A GREAT STROKING COMMENCES*
*BEARD HAVING BEEN SMOOTHED, RETURNS TO A CONVERSANT STATE*
Eka: *ATTENTION SPAN HAVING RESET AT 30 SECONDS, RETURNS TO CONVERSATION*
me: *POLITE QUERY CONCERNING THE POTENTIAL NECESSITY FOR THE CONTINUATION OF THIS LINE OF DIALOGUE*
Eka: *IS IMMENSELY DISTRESSED BY PRESENCE OF DOPPLE... ONOWAIT THAT BE A MIRROR*
me: *EXPRESSES SHOCK AND AWE OF THE MIRACLE OF THE DOPPLEMIRROR*
Eka: *IS AGITATED BY THIS DOPPLEMIRROR THING*
*WHERE AM I*
*WHO AM I*
*WHAT AM I*
*NOTICES SHINY BLACK CYLINDER*
*THUS SPAKE ZARATHUSTURA PLAYS IN BACKGROUND*
me: *INQUIRY AS TO POTENTIAL RAISONS D'ETRE*
*PHILOSOPHY ENSUES!*
Eka: *CONVERSATION TRANSCENDS BOX OF REALITY*
*TRANSCEND DAMMIT*
me: *NOTATION THAT IT APPEARS TO CONTAIN AS MANY STARS AS IT COULD ACCOMPANIED BY RELIGIOUS SEMIEXPLETIVE DENOTING AWE*
Eka: *REALIZATION OF BIRTH OF NEW ERA IN HISTORY: TENTATIVELY TITLED - SFS*