(no subject)
You know what isn't fun? Rupturing blood vessels in your nose and having surgery to repair it. Yeah, I lost a lot of blood. I think I'm still a little pale. It totally ruined New Years for me, my girlfriend and my family.
Host: Congratulations, Joe! You've won a prize!
Joe: But I didn't do anything.
Host: In the past year did you commit suicide?
Joe: Uh... obviously not.
Host: Were you murdered?
Joe: What?
Host: Did any affliction or malady result in your untimely demise?
Joe: Are you alright? Y'know... in the head?
Host: So, by surviving another year, you've won a prize!
Joe: OK, fine. What kind of prize?
Host: A cake!
Joe: A cake? That's it?
Host: Yes!
Joe: Well... what flavor?
Host: Uh... it hasn't got a flavor.
Joe: What do you mean it hasn't got a flavor?
Host: It's, um, you know, Yellow flavor.
Joe: Yellow flavor?
Host: Yeah. Generic cake flavor. 99 cents at Jewel.
Joe: It's not much of a prize, is it?
Host: No. Not really.
Joe: Yeah... I don't want it.
Host: Well don't get all pissy! Like you said, you didn't do anything to deserve this prize!
Joe: You could have at least given me a cake I liked. One with a flavor that isn't a primary color.
Host: Jesus Christ! What kind of cake do you want?
Joe: Cheesecake.
Host: Cheesecake?
Joe: Yeah. Cheesecake. It's my favorite cake.
Host: You can't have a cheesecake for a birthday cake!
Joe: Why not?
Host: It's against the rules.
Joe: What rules?
Host: My rules.
Joe: And who are you to make rules about what kind of birthday cake I can have?
Host: Just pick another fucking cake or I'm giving you yellow again.
Joe: Fine. Black forest cherry cake. Do you approve of that?
Host: Well, it's not a color... but I'll allow it. Pick it up in an hour.
Joe: Why can't you drop it off?
Host: It's a free fucking cake. Take it or leave it.
Joe: OK, OK, I'll pick it up in an hour.
Host: Happy Birthday!
Host: Congratulations, Joe! You've won a prize!
Joe: But I didn't do anything.
Host: In the past year did you commit suicide?
Joe: Uh... obviously not.
Host: Were you murdered?
Joe: What?
Host: Did any affliction or malady result in your untimely demise?
Joe: Are you alright? Y'know... in the head?
Host: So, by surviving another year, you've won a prize!
Joe: OK, fine. What kind of prize?
Host: A cake!
Joe: A cake? That's it?
Host: Yes!
Joe: Well... what flavor?
Host: Uh... it hasn't got a flavor.
Joe: What do you mean it hasn't got a flavor?
Host: It's, um, you know, Yellow flavor.
Joe: Yellow flavor?
Host: Yeah. Generic cake flavor. 99 cents at Jewel.
Joe: It's not much of a prize, is it?
Host: No. Not really.
Joe: Yeah... I don't want it.
Host: Well don't get all pissy! Like you said, you didn't do anything to deserve this prize!
Joe: You could have at least given me a cake I liked. One with a flavor that isn't a primary color.
Host: Jesus Christ! What kind of cake do you want?
Joe: Cheesecake.
Host: Cheesecake?
Joe: Yeah. Cheesecake. It's my favorite cake.
Host: You can't have a cheesecake for a birthday cake!
Joe: Why not?
Host: It's against the rules.
Joe: What rules?
Host: My rules.
Joe: And who are you to make rules about what kind of birthday cake I can have?
Host: Just pick another fucking cake or I'm giving you yellow again.
Joe: Fine. Black forest cherry cake. Do you approve of that?
Host: Well, it's not a color... but I'll allow it. Pick it up in an hour.
Joe: Why can't you drop it off?
Host: It's a free fucking cake. Take it or leave it.
Joe: OK, OK, I'll pick it up in an hour.
Host: Happy Birthday!