[FanFic] The Way It Is
Pairing: ot5; (Changmin/Everyone)
Rating: PG
Genre: Bandfic/Bromance/Friendship/General/(mild)Angst
Summary: Changmin’s life is flashing before his eyes; and it’s only the five of them.
For the first time, in the past seven years that he has lived in the apartment, he closely examines the bathroom tiles when he lay on the floor, curled into a ball, sobbing.
Shaking, he sobs to himself, trying to keep it silent and doing a bad job at it. He sniffs, staring at the ceiling. He is a mess, a shaking, whimpering, crying mess; he’s been in the bathroom for an hour too long and nobody cares because nobody knows. Yunho’s fast asleep and he sleeps like a log, gun firing with loud bombing doesn’t wake him up, so what is Changmin missing from the bed from the other bedroom.
He pushes himself off the floor and cleans up after himself, washes his face and stares at the boy in the mirror, he doesn’t recognize him, he’s pale with blood red eyes and his lips are trembling. He gives out a sound of frustration; he’s angry, at himself, at life, at everything. Tomorrow doesn’t seem like a bright day.
His bed looks cold and uninviting; it’s stiff like there is nobody left to warm the mattress. He sighs, more out of being tired then anything else. He isn’t surprised when he finds himself dragging his feet to Yunho’s room.
“Changminnie?” Yunho stirs, his voice barely above a coarse whisper; “whattime…izit?”
He throws an arm around Yunho and holds him tightly; “Go back to sleep, Hyung.” He mutters into Yunho’s shoulder. He feels Yunho patting his arm and sighing back to sleep. It’s because of moments like these Changmin is happy that he isn’t alone with no hope.
-
He wakes up when he feels like it, when the strong rays of the sun filter in through the curtains. His eyes feel bloated and sting from the previous night and he wants to drift back into sleep, but he is more responsible then that.
He dawdles into the kitchen, massaging his face and stifling a yawn and surprisingly, finds Yunho’s cheerful morning face waiting for him.
“Morning.”
“Mor-“he yawns; “-ning.”
“Coffee?” Yunho asks, but doesn’t wait for a reply as he fills up Changmin’s mug with the beverage. It was a gift from their fans - the mugs. Changmin’s had a big ‘C’ on it and Yunho’s, a big ‘Y’. Only Changmin isn’t too sure to which Y it initially belonged to.
“What happened yesterday?” Yunho asks, elbows propped on the counter, sipping his hot drink.
“…When?”
“At the doctor’s, didn’t you have an appointment at the doctor’s yesterday?”
“Oh…” he freezes, hands hovering around the mug and eyes on the dark liquid inside. “…the doctor didn’t say much…”
except that I am dying
“…except that I need to go for another blood test today.”
“You do look weaker then usual…” Yunho frowns.
“Probably just fatigue and stress…” he shrugs
and also maybe that my days now are numbered.
“You worry too much, learn to relax and take it easy, Changmin.” Yunho chuckles and he unconsciously smiles, there was always a ring to Yunho’s laughter.
“It’s time for my appointment, I better get ready.” He says, and finishes his drink in a shot and doesn’t cringe when it burns his tongue and throat.
Yunho nods and puts away their mug away; he watches as the older stands by the kitchen basin washing the dishes;
“Hyung…” he calls out, his voice cracking slightly.
“Hmm?”
“Thank you…”
Yunho stops and looks over his shoulder; “What for?” he asks incredulously.
For being there, for supporting me, for standing with me, for helping me, for holding my hand, for smiling at me, for believing in me, for being my leader, for being my older brother.
“…for the coffee.” He smiles.
Yunho laughs, eyes crinkling; “I can make you this coffee anytime you want me too, Changmin-ah.”
And Changmin wonders, how long does ‘anytime’ last?
-
“We are really sorry, Mr. Shim. But we just do not know what’s happening to you.” The pretty doctor lady says, her fingers are laced together and her brows are knitted in worry.
“What do you mean, ‘you don’t know’, it’s your job Godammit!” he barks, fighting the urge to punch something.
“We are really sorry. All we can confirm from the earlier is that it’s some sort of virus and whatever it is, it is destroying your blood cells and preventing your body from functioning right.”
“….am I going to die?”
“We cannot jump to conclusions just like that; we will wait for the report to come. Till then, take this prescription. Just some common antibiotics, incase there is a bacterial infection.”
-
He’s dying.
It was all over the doctor’s face, all over the nurse’s face, all over the report, all over the hospital, it was everywhere.
He’s dying.
He feels like he’s standing in the middle of nowhere and there’s nobody around, though there are people moving right past him; he starts walking when people start to recognize him, he abandons his car and walks, walk without an aim, walks with his mind buzzing with thoughts. He walks till his legs feel like they are going to give in, he walks till he wants to pass out. He cancels all his schedules, ignores his manager’s protests and switches off his cell phone and walks into a bar and orders his drinks. And it’s only four in the evening.
He doesn’t know what’s more frustrating, the thought of not having to live life like he wanted to, like he had dreamt as a kid or that each time he closes his eyes he wants to desperately be close to four people right now. He feels like a horrible son and an even more horrible brother, because his family hardly crosses his mind; his mind is too occupied with thoughts about four men who wouldn’t know how to live without him. (or so he thinks)
-
He’s staring at the door and with a shaky hand he rings the bell; it’s definitely not his apartment, the one he shared with Yunho, no this isn’t the one. It’s their apartment, their new dorm. He isn’t really sure if he’s welcome there, since he really has not been nice to them ever since it happened, but he wants to be there; right there with them, he’s not some Rising God Of The East right now, right now he’s just a dying boy; needy of love and assurance, mostly assurance from his friends. His brothers.
-
It’s Jaejoong first; it’s always been Jaejoong that comes first, by age, by order of preference (the other four come second), the one that hurt him the most by leaving (the other two come second).
It’s Jaejoong.
His head is spinning and he leans on the wall for support, he feels the alcohol he drank rising up his pipe and he is struggling to keep it down. Maybe he drank a lot.
The door clicks open and he’s staring at JYJ’s manager, the man is saying something to Changmin, but he doesn’t understand. He doesn’t want to understand.
“Jaejoong Hyn-ung?” he hiccups and the man meekly points to the indoors.
And he flies, he isn’t sure how. Maybe he’s already dead and he has wings or alcohol has effects he didn’t know of, but he flies to Jaejoong, who is seated on the sofa, flipping through a book and humming to songs playing on the television.
“Chang-?” Jaejoong tries to stand up, but the younger is too fast for him, even when he’s drunk. He wraps himself around Jaejoong, long limbs and all and buries his face into the elder man’s shoulder.
Jaejoong relaxes and runs his fingers through Changmin’s hair and smiles softly when the latter gives out a light whine; “Are you drunk?” he asks.
“No.” he doesn’t say much, because then he would be proven wrong.
“Are you hungry?”
“No. Yes.”
Jaejoong chuckles and pulls Changmin closer; “Do you want me to cook something for you?”
“Was I…’m a bad boy, right?” Changmin whispers, not budging. He doesn’t want to let go of Jaejoong, there is warmth. Jaejoong was always warmth and cuddly. He misses it, misses it more then he thought he would.
“You’re not a bad boy.” Jaejoong smiles and Changmin protests, shaking his head and tightening his hold; he knows he is a bad boy, the worst there is. He wants to hit himself when he thinks of how he had treated Jaejoong before; showing him attitude and ignoring him; it hurts so much that Jaejoong still treats him with same love; like nothing had ever happened, like they were still together and not separate.
“Does Yunho know you’re here?”
“No.”
“Did you go to any schedules?”
“No.”
“Do you want me to call Yunho?”
“No.”
Jaejoong sighs, he doesn’t know what’s wrong and it pricks him. There is something wrong, he can’t point it out, but something, definitely is wrong. He shifts under Changmin’s weight and pats him; “Is something wrong? Are you feeling okay?”
“Hyn-ung…don’t go.” Changmin sniffs.
“What?”
“Don’t lemme go…donlemmego.”
“Changmin…Changmin, are you okay?” He pushes Changmin to see his face.
Tears roll and Jaejoong freezes.
“Okay, you have got to tell me what’s wrong.”
“Cook for me?” Changmin asks, voice cracking and shaking. “Please?”
Jaejoong doesn’t ask much, he cooks for Changmin and watches the younger eat; it was always a joy to watch him eat. Jaejoong notices how tired Changmin looks, how drunk the boy is and how, maybe, he is hiding something.
“Go to sleep.” Jaejoong says, after Changmin finishes and is somewhat sober.
“No. I. I wanna stay with you.”
“I am here.” Jaejoong persists.
Jaejoong tucks him in, slides under the blanket himself and gently pats him; “Now tell me, what’s wrong?”
Changmin stares at him and wonders how he had the heart to be mean to this man; “Hyung…” he says softly.
“Yes…?”
“…I love you, you know that right?”
Jaejoong smiles, it’s that smile. The one speaks a million words without actually even trying.
“Yes, I know.”
“…I’m sorry.” Changmin chokes on his words; “…so very sorry - “
“It’s okay…” Jaejoong says, but Changmin’s adamant; he holds Jaejoong’s hand and squeezes it.
“I was stupid and I am sorry I was so rude to you and the others, I was just angry and frustrated- “
“I know…”
“Hyung, please…don’t let me go.”
“Changmin, sleep.”
And Jaejoong watches Changmin sleep and Changmin doesn’t know when Jaejoong slips out of the covers and walks out; but he wakes up early next morning not next to Jaejoong; but to Yoochun.
-
It’s Yoochun next; he realizes.
His eyes flutter open, head throbbing and stomach growling; he isn’t sure of the time but he knows he is pretty much screwing up his manager’s life. He watches the lump beside him, lightly snoring and deep in sleep and without thinking twice, he scoots closer to the body and throws his arm around it.
Yoochun stirs a bit and cuddles closer to Changmin but doesn’t wake up. He doesn’t know why and he feels cheesy doing it, but he presses his lips to Yoochun’s head and feels himself drifting back to sleep; but he doesn’t fail to notice the slight smile that Yoochun has.
He wakes up fully when he feels Yoochun waking up, he rolls and sits up straight and stares at the older man;
“Hi…” Yoochun grins.
Changmin feels like a monster and a little tongue tied; “Hey…” he manages.
“I hope you know that you have schedules to go to and places to be.” Yoochun says, grin not faltering.
“I want to be here.”
“Then just remember - you are Dong Bang Shin - “
“Don’t.” Changmin croaks, resting his head against the head board; “Please, don’t.”
Yoochun stays silent, expectantly. He waits for Changmin to continue; there is something there, he knows it. Something else to all this;
“I am just…not some famous guy right now, okay?”
“Okay.”
“I’m Shim Changmin, not some big huge ass celebrity…just Shim Changmin.”
“I get you.”
Changmin stares at Yoochun; he always did get Changmin, even when the others didn’t, they had a connection, the both of them. This invisible wire that bound them both together; Changmin always thought it was their same passion and love for music but Yoochun disagreed; he claimed it was love; Changmin had snorted.
Now, he regrets it; because it is love. A strong, kind, affectionate love from one brother to another, a sort of love that Changmin is sure he can never forget.
“Well Just Shim Changmin, as much as I would love to have this nice little Let’s Stare At Each Other Contest with you, I have schedules to go to.” Yoochun says, and makes an effort to get off the bed. But Changmin holds him back; he catches the elder’s wrist and holds him back. “Don’t go.” He says, knots forming in his guts. “Please don’t go.”
Yoochun stares at Changmin, eyes filled with worry. “Are you okay?”
No, I am dying.
“Yeah, just - please, stay.”
And Yoochun doesn’t know why, but he stays. He settles next to Changmin and they remain silent, Changmin tugs onto the threads from the blanket and Yoochun watches him in silence. Finally Changmin speaks;
“I am sorry…” he says, not making any eye contact. “I’m sorry I am a bastard.”
Yoochun smiles; “It’s okay, you always were.”
They still don’t say much, because all that was meant to be said was said.
-
He isn’t sure if he can face Junsu, because Junsu acts like there is nothing wrong, like they are still Dong Bang Shin Ki and they are not living together because it’s too crowded and they don’t go on schedules together because they have to promote at various places all at once. But he has to face Junsu, he wants to see Junsu and talk to him; he misses him.
Jaejoong and Yoochun leave the apartment to Changmin and leave for their schedules; they don’t really ask him why he isn’t making an effort to switch on his cell phone and call up Yunho to tell him where he is at, they just leave him to him. They assume he’s having a grumpy week and he likes being difficult like this, little do they know.
When Junsu walks in, suitcase and everything, he stares at Changmin for a second, turns around and walks out of the apartment. After another five seconds he walks back in; “I am not in the wrong apartment.” is the first thing he says and then drops his suitcase and runs to Changmin. He squishes Changmin, till the younger has difficulty breathing. “You are an idiot.” Junsu says and Changmin couldn’t agree more.
“Acting all snobby like that, you should get your brain checked for damage.” Junsu laughs, lightly patting Changmin’s nape and Changmin just smiles.
They spend the rest of the day together playing games and singing, it’s been long since they have sung together but they harmonize like they have never stopped. They sing some old songs, some new and some that never came out because it was meant for just the five of them. They move to the couch and watch television, Changmin laughs when Junsu hits him (“Hyukjae is not better then me, okay?”) They watch old videos and laugh more and Changmin thinks Junsu’s Eu Kyang Kyang is the most melodious thing he’s ever heard.
“Hyung….”
“Hm?”
“Junsu Hyung….”
“Yes…?”
They are on the floor in the living room, staring at the ceiling, tired of laughing and happy to be together.
“Junsu Hyung….”
“What is it, Changmin?”
Changmin doesn’t reply and Junsu props himself on his elbows to get a better look at the younger boy, brows furrowed and frowning; “Don’t play mind games with me, not now. I am too tired.” Junsu says and Changmin manages to chuckle;
“Junsu Hyung…”
Junsu groans and hits Changmin and lies back down on the floor, mentally prepared to ignore whatever the other is about to say next.
“…I love you.” Changmin whispers and Junsu’s eyes widen and he turns to Changmin.
“Are you sick? Do you have a fever? Are you feeling okay?”
Changmin looks at Junsu and smiles and goes back to staring at the ceiling and for the first time in the past few days, everything feel like it’s alright.
-
And finally, it’s Yunho.
It’s Yunho when Changmin hears his voice boom through the apartment he is now staying at; “Is he here?” Changmin hears the strain in Yunho’s voice and feels horrible. He’s been camping out with the three for what feels like days now.
Yunho strides in and finds Changmin on the sofa, playing a video game and slurping on Jaejoong’s ramyeon. He sighs at the younger boy and smiles tiredly; “You could have at least called, you know.” He says, sitting down next to Changmin.
“Oh hey, Hyung…” Yoochun walks in to the living room and waves at Yunho, and Yunho waves back. “We were wondering why Changmin ran away from home, did something happen?”
“I don’t know…” Yunho shrugs, looking at Changmin. “Did something happen, Changmin?”
Changmin looks up and stares at the both of them; Jaejoong follows up from behind and perches on the edge of the sofa; “He has been acting strangely…” he says, smoothing down Changmin’s hair.
Changmin squirms under the three pairs of eyes that are studying him and silently thanks his stars when Junsu walks in and squeaks; “Was there a party I didn’t know about?”
They don’t know how, but they all laugh and Changmin feels like he’s home, like everything is fine and that he could die now, a happy man, literally. He watches the other four laugh and tease Junsu and he’s seventeen again, debuting with them, taking a leap of faith and standing nervously on the horizon of another world; the sight of the four them around him is homely and welcoming and a small voice on the inside of his head says he’s ready, ready to accept whatever that’s going to happen to him, he’s ready for something he never thought he would be, he’s ready for death.
But the funny thing is; it never comes.
-
“Are you kidding me?”
The pretty doctor lady fidgets again and stares at her fingers; “Erm….no. But it’s good news, isn’t it?”
“You’re messing with my head, aren’t you?”
“No Mr. Shim. The lab attended misplaced your report with someone else’s…that report belonged to an eighty year old man with diabetes and a paralysis stroke and that’s definitely not you. We’re sorry for the mix up…”
“So…what’s really wrong with me?”
“Oh just fatigue…you need to eat healthily and get some rest, otherwise you’re really healthy.”
On other occasions, he would have stormed out and sued the place but now, now he just laughs, out of relief and happiness; he wants to hug the doctor and sing happy songs. He laughs loudly and shakes his head; “Thank you, doctor.” He says and nearly prances out of the hospital. Maybe, this was a good turn after all.
-
“So, why’d you do it?” Jaejoong asks, as he watches the other man eat noodles.
“Do what?” he asks back, innocently, widening his eyes and what not.
“Oh, c’mon Yunho, don’t play with me. Why’d you nearly kill Changmin?”
Yunho laughs heartily and puts his pair of chopsticks down; “….because he needed to understand.”
“…understand what?”
“Understand that the three of you are still with him even though you all are not there.”
Jaejoong smiles and starts eating his own food; Yunho really had his way with things.
-
Author's Notes
- I don't even know what this is D8 /shot
- I want my ot5 back
- I read somewhere that Changmin was mean to JYJ after the lawsuit and everything T-T
- I couldn't resist adding YunJae; it's YunJae~
- Sorry.
Rating: PG
Genre: Bandfic/Bromance/Friendship/General/(mild)Angst
Summary: Changmin’s life is flashing before his eyes; and it’s only the five of them.
For the first time, in the past seven years that he has lived in the apartment, he closely examines the bathroom tiles when he lay on the floor, curled into a ball, sobbing.
Shaking, he sobs to himself, trying to keep it silent and doing a bad job at it. He sniffs, staring at the ceiling. He is a mess, a shaking, whimpering, crying mess; he’s been in the bathroom for an hour too long and nobody cares because nobody knows. Yunho’s fast asleep and he sleeps like a log, gun firing with loud bombing doesn’t wake him up, so what is Changmin missing from the bed from the other bedroom.
He pushes himself off the floor and cleans up after himself, washes his face and stares at the boy in the mirror, he doesn’t recognize him, he’s pale with blood red eyes and his lips are trembling. He gives out a sound of frustration; he’s angry, at himself, at life, at everything. Tomorrow doesn’t seem like a bright day.
His bed looks cold and uninviting; it’s stiff like there is nobody left to warm the mattress. He sighs, more out of being tired then anything else. He isn’t surprised when he finds himself dragging his feet to Yunho’s room.
“Changminnie?” Yunho stirs, his voice barely above a coarse whisper; “whattime…izit?”
He throws an arm around Yunho and holds him tightly; “Go back to sleep, Hyung.” He mutters into Yunho’s shoulder. He feels Yunho patting his arm and sighing back to sleep. It’s because of moments like these Changmin is happy that he isn’t alone with no hope.
-
He wakes up when he feels like it, when the strong rays of the sun filter in through the curtains. His eyes feel bloated and sting from the previous night and he wants to drift back into sleep, but he is more responsible then that.
He dawdles into the kitchen, massaging his face and stifling a yawn and surprisingly, finds Yunho’s cheerful morning face waiting for him.
“Morning.”
“Mor-“he yawns; “-ning.”
“Coffee?” Yunho asks, but doesn’t wait for a reply as he fills up Changmin’s mug with the beverage. It was a gift from their fans - the mugs. Changmin’s had a big ‘C’ on it and Yunho’s, a big ‘Y’. Only Changmin isn’t too sure to which Y it initially belonged to.
“What happened yesterday?” Yunho asks, elbows propped on the counter, sipping his hot drink.
“…When?”
“At the doctor’s, didn’t you have an appointment at the doctor’s yesterday?”
“Oh…” he freezes, hands hovering around the mug and eyes on the dark liquid inside. “…the doctor didn’t say much…”
except that I am dying
“…except that I need to go for another blood test today.”
“You do look weaker then usual…” Yunho frowns.
“Probably just fatigue and stress…” he shrugs
and also maybe that my days now are numbered.
“You worry too much, learn to relax and take it easy, Changmin.” Yunho chuckles and he unconsciously smiles, there was always a ring to Yunho’s laughter.
“It’s time for my appointment, I better get ready.” He says, and finishes his drink in a shot and doesn’t cringe when it burns his tongue and throat.
Yunho nods and puts away their mug away; he watches as the older stands by the kitchen basin washing the dishes;
“Hyung…” he calls out, his voice cracking slightly.
“Hmm?”
“Thank you…”
Yunho stops and looks over his shoulder; “What for?” he asks incredulously.
For being there, for supporting me, for standing with me, for helping me, for holding my hand, for smiling at me, for believing in me, for being my leader, for being my older brother.
“…for the coffee.” He smiles.
Yunho laughs, eyes crinkling; “I can make you this coffee anytime you want me too, Changmin-ah.”
And Changmin wonders, how long does ‘anytime’ last?
-
“We are really sorry, Mr. Shim. But we just do not know what’s happening to you.” The pretty doctor lady says, her fingers are laced together and her brows are knitted in worry.
“What do you mean, ‘you don’t know’, it’s your job Godammit!” he barks, fighting the urge to punch something.
“We are really sorry. All we can confirm from the earlier is that it’s some sort of virus and whatever it is, it is destroying your blood cells and preventing your body from functioning right.”
“….am I going to die?”
“We cannot jump to conclusions just like that; we will wait for the report to come. Till then, take this prescription. Just some common antibiotics, incase there is a bacterial infection.”
-
He’s dying.
It was all over the doctor’s face, all over the nurse’s face, all over the report, all over the hospital, it was everywhere.
He’s dying.
He feels like he’s standing in the middle of nowhere and there’s nobody around, though there are people moving right past him; he starts walking when people start to recognize him, he abandons his car and walks, walk without an aim, walks with his mind buzzing with thoughts. He walks till his legs feel like they are going to give in, he walks till he wants to pass out. He cancels all his schedules, ignores his manager’s protests and switches off his cell phone and walks into a bar and orders his drinks. And it’s only four in the evening.
He doesn’t know what’s more frustrating, the thought of not having to live life like he wanted to, like he had dreamt as a kid or that each time he closes his eyes he wants to desperately be close to four people right now. He feels like a horrible son and an even more horrible brother, because his family hardly crosses his mind; his mind is too occupied with thoughts about four men who wouldn’t know how to live without him. (or so he thinks)
-
He’s staring at the door and with a shaky hand he rings the bell; it’s definitely not his apartment, the one he shared with Yunho, no this isn’t the one. It’s their apartment, their new dorm. He isn’t really sure if he’s welcome there, since he really has not been nice to them ever since it happened, but he wants to be there; right there with them, he’s not some Rising God Of The East right now, right now he’s just a dying boy; needy of love and assurance, mostly assurance from his friends. His brothers.
-
It’s Jaejoong first; it’s always been Jaejoong that comes first, by age, by order of preference (the other four come second), the one that hurt him the most by leaving (the other two come second).
It’s Jaejoong.
His head is spinning and he leans on the wall for support, he feels the alcohol he drank rising up his pipe and he is struggling to keep it down. Maybe he drank a lot.
The door clicks open and he’s staring at JYJ’s manager, the man is saying something to Changmin, but he doesn’t understand. He doesn’t want to understand.
“Jaejoong Hyn-ung?” he hiccups and the man meekly points to the indoors.
And he flies, he isn’t sure how. Maybe he’s already dead and he has wings or alcohol has effects he didn’t know of, but he flies to Jaejoong, who is seated on the sofa, flipping through a book and humming to songs playing on the television.
“Chang-?” Jaejoong tries to stand up, but the younger is too fast for him, even when he’s drunk. He wraps himself around Jaejoong, long limbs and all and buries his face into the elder man’s shoulder.
Jaejoong relaxes and runs his fingers through Changmin’s hair and smiles softly when the latter gives out a light whine; “Are you drunk?” he asks.
“No.” he doesn’t say much, because then he would be proven wrong.
“Are you hungry?”
“No. Yes.”
Jaejoong chuckles and pulls Changmin closer; “Do you want me to cook something for you?”
“Was I…’m a bad boy, right?” Changmin whispers, not budging. He doesn’t want to let go of Jaejoong, there is warmth. Jaejoong was always warmth and cuddly. He misses it, misses it more then he thought he would.
“You’re not a bad boy.” Jaejoong smiles and Changmin protests, shaking his head and tightening his hold; he knows he is a bad boy, the worst there is. He wants to hit himself when he thinks of how he had treated Jaejoong before; showing him attitude and ignoring him; it hurts so much that Jaejoong still treats him with same love; like nothing had ever happened, like they were still together and not separate.
“Does Yunho know you’re here?”
“No.”
“Did you go to any schedules?”
“No.”
“Do you want me to call Yunho?”
“No.”
Jaejoong sighs, he doesn’t know what’s wrong and it pricks him. There is something wrong, he can’t point it out, but something, definitely is wrong. He shifts under Changmin’s weight and pats him; “Is something wrong? Are you feeling okay?”
“Hyn-ung…don’t go.” Changmin sniffs.
“What?”
“Don’t lemme go…donlemmego.”
“Changmin…Changmin, are you okay?” He pushes Changmin to see his face.
Tears roll and Jaejoong freezes.
“Okay, you have got to tell me what’s wrong.”
“Cook for me?” Changmin asks, voice cracking and shaking. “Please?”
Jaejoong doesn’t ask much, he cooks for Changmin and watches the younger eat; it was always a joy to watch him eat. Jaejoong notices how tired Changmin looks, how drunk the boy is and how, maybe, he is hiding something.
“Go to sleep.” Jaejoong says, after Changmin finishes and is somewhat sober.
“No. I. I wanna stay with you.”
“I am here.” Jaejoong persists.
Jaejoong tucks him in, slides under the blanket himself and gently pats him; “Now tell me, what’s wrong?”
Changmin stares at him and wonders how he had the heart to be mean to this man; “Hyung…” he says softly.
“Yes…?”
“…I love you, you know that right?”
Jaejoong smiles, it’s that smile. The one speaks a million words without actually even trying.
“Yes, I know.”
“…I’m sorry.” Changmin chokes on his words; “…so very sorry - “
“It’s okay…” Jaejoong says, but Changmin’s adamant; he holds Jaejoong’s hand and squeezes it.
“I was stupid and I am sorry I was so rude to you and the others, I was just angry and frustrated- “
“I know…”
“Hyung, please…don’t let me go.”
“Changmin, sleep.”
And Jaejoong watches Changmin sleep and Changmin doesn’t know when Jaejoong slips out of the covers and walks out; but he wakes up early next morning not next to Jaejoong; but to Yoochun.
-
It’s Yoochun next; he realizes.
His eyes flutter open, head throbbing and stomach growling; he isn’t sure of the time but he knows he is pretty much screwing up his manager’s life. He watches the lump beside him, lightly snoring and deep in sleep and without thinking twice, he scoots closer to the body and throws his arm around it.
Yoochun stirs a bit and cuddles closer to Changmin but doesn’t wake up. He doesn’t know why and he feels cheesy doing it, but he presses his lips to Yoochun’s head and feels himself drifting back to sleep; but he doesn’t fail to notice the slight smile that Yoochun has.
He wakes up fully when he feels Yoochun waking up, he rolls and sits up straight and stares at the older man;
“Hi…” Yoochun grins.
Changmin feels like a monster and a little tongue tied; “Hey…” he manages.
“I hope you know that you have schedules to go to and places to be.” Yoochun says, grin not faltering.
“I want to be here.”
“Then just remember - you are Dong Bang Shin - “
“Don’t.” Changmin croaks, resting his head against the head board; “Please, don’t.”
Yoochun stays silent, expectantly. He waits for Changmin to continue; there is something there, he knows it. Something else to all this;
“I am just…not some famous guy right now, okay?”
“Okay.”
“I’m Shim Changmin, not some big huge ass celebrity…just Shim Changmin.”
“I get you.”
Changmin stares at Yoochun; he always did get Changmin, even when the others didn’t, they had a connection, the both of them. This invisible wire that bound them both together; Changmin always thought it was their same passion and love for music but Yoochun disagreed; he claimed it was love; Changmin had snorted.
Now, he regrets it; because it is love. A strong, kind, affectionate love from one brother to another, a sort of love that Changmin is sure he can never forget.
“Well Just Shim Changmin, as much as I would love to have this nice little Let’s Stare At Each Other Contest with you, I have schedules to go to.” Yoochun says, and makes an effort to get off the bed. But Changmin holds him back; he catches the elder’s wrist and holds him back. “Don’t go.” He says, knots forming in his guts. “Please don’t go.”
Yoochun stares at Changmin, eyes filled with worry. “Are you okay?”
No, I am dying.
“Yeah, just - please, stay.”
And Yoochun doesn’t know why, but he stays. He settles next to Changmin and they remain silent, Changmin tugs onto the threads from the blanket and Yoochun watches him in silence. Finally Changmin speaks;
“I am sorry…” he says, not making any eye contact. “I’m sorry I am a bastard.”
Yoochun smiles; “It’s okay, you always were.”
They still don’t say much, because all that was meant to be said was said.
-
He isn’t sure if he can face Junsu, because Junsu acts like there is nothing wrong, like they are still Dong Bang Shin Ki and they are not living together because it’s too crowded and they don’t go on schedules together because they have to promote at various places all at once. But he has to face Junsu, he wants to see Junsu and talk to him; he misses him.
Jaejoong and Yoochun leave the apartment to Changmin and leave for their schedules; they don’t really ask him why he isn’t making an effort to switch on his cell phone and call up Yunho to tell him where he is at, they just leave him to him. They assume he’s having a grumpy week and he likes being difficult like this, little do they know.
When Junsu walks in, suitcase and everything, he stares at Changmin for a second, turns around and walks out of the apartment. After another five seconds he walks back in; “I am not in the wrong apartment.” is the first thing he says and then drops his suitcase and runs to Changmin. He squishes Changmin, till the younger has difficulty breathing. “You are an idiot.” Junsu says and Changmin couldn’t agree more.
“Acting all snobby like that, you should get your brain checked for damage.” Junsu laughs, lightly patting Changmin’s nape and Changmin just smiles.
They spend the rest of the day together playing games and singing, it’s been long since they have sung together but they harmonize like they have never stopped. They sing some old songs, some new and some that never came out because it was meant for just the five of them. They move to the couch and watch television, Changmin laughs when Junsu hits him (“Hyukjae is not better then me, okay?”) They watch old videos and laugh more and Changmin thinks Junsu’s Eu Kyang Kyang is the most melodious thing he’s ever heard.
“Hyung….”
“Hm?”
“Junsu Hyung….”
“Yes…?”
They are on the floor in the living room, staring at the ceiling, tired of laughing and happy to be together.
“Junsu Hyung….”
“What is it, Changmin?”
Changmin doesn’t reply and Junsu props himself on his elbows to get a better look at the younger boy, brows furrowed and frowning; “Don’t play mind games with me, not now. I am too tired.” Junsu says and Changmin manages to chuckle;
“Junsu Hyung…”
Junsu groans and hits Changmin and lies back down on the floor, mentally prepared to ignore whatever the other is about to say next.
“…I love you.” Changmin whispers and Junsu’s eyes widen and he turns to Changmin.
“Are you sick? Do you have a fever? Are you feeling okay?”
Changmin looks at Junsu and smiles and goes back to staring at the ceiling and for the first time in the past few days, everything feel like it’s alright.
-
And finally, it’s Yunho.
It’s Yunho when Changmin hears his voice boom through the apartment he is now staying at; “Is he here?” Changmin hears the strain in Yunho’s voice and feels horrible. He’s been camping out with the three for what feels like days now.
Yunho strides in and finds Changmin on the sofa, playing a video game and slurping on Jaejoong’s ramyeon. He sighs at the younger boy and smiles tiredly; “You could have at least called, you know.” He says, sitting down next to Changmin.
“Oh hey, Hyung…” Yoochun walks in to the living room and waves at Yunho, and Yunho waves back. “We were wondering why Changmin ran away from home, did something happen?”
“I don’t know…” Yunho shrugs, looking at Changmin. “Did something happen, Changmin?”
Changmin looks up and stares at the both of them; Jaejoong follows up from behind and perches on the edge of the sofa; “He has been acting strangely…” he says, smoothing down Changmin’s hair.
Changmin squirms under the three pairs of eyes that are studying him and silently thanks his stars when Junsu walks in and squeaks; “Was there a party I didn’t know about?”
They don’t know how, but they all laugh and Changmin feels like he’s home, like everything is fine and that he could die now, a happy man, literally. He watches the other four laugh and tease Junsu and he’s seventeen again, debuting with them, taking a leap of faith and standing nervously on the horizon of another world; the sight of the four them around him is homely and welcoming and a small voice on the inside of his head says he’s ready, ready to accept whatever that’s going to happen to him, he’s ready for something he never thought he would be, he’s ready for death.
But the funny thing is; it never comes.
-
“Are you kidding me?”
The pretty doctor lady fidgets again and stares at her fingers; “Erm….no. But it’s good news, isn’t it?”
“You’re messing with my head, aren’t you?”
“No Mr. Shim. The lab attended misplaced your report with someone else’s…that report belonged to an eighty year old man with diabetes and a paralysis stroke and that’s definitely not you. We’re sorry for the mix up…”
“So…what’s really wrong with me?”
“Oh just fatigue…you need to eat healthily and get some rest, otherwise you’re really healthy.”
On other occasions, he would have stormed out and sued the place but now, now he just laughs, out of relief and happiness; he wants to hug the doctor and sing happy songs. He laughs loudly and shakes his head; “Thank you, doctor.” He says and nearly prances out of the hospital. Maybe, this was a good turn after all.
-
“So, why’d you do it?” Jaejoong asks, as he watches the other man eat noodles.
“Do what?” he asks back, innocently, widening his eyes and what not.
“Oh, c’mon Yunho, don’t play with me. Why’d you nearly kill Changmin?”
Yunho laughs heartily and puts his pair of chopsticks down; “….because he needed to understand.”
“…understand what?”
“Understand that the three of you are still with him even though you all are not there.”
Jaejoong smiles and starts eating his own food; Yunho really had his way with things.
-
Author's Notes
- I don't even know what this is D8 /shot
- I want my ot5 back
- I read somewhere that Changmin was mean to JYJ after the lawsuit and everything T-T
- I couldn't resist adding YunJae; it's YunJae~
- Sorry.