Cheesy Nerf Surprise
And here is my other entry in the "Obi dreams" challenge. I posted it under a sock over there, (Lundlemuffin), and never revealed myself. I thought I would use that for other nutty stuff and see how long it took for people to catch on that it was me, but I never did. So I guess this is me outing myself, too.
This fic requires no previous knowledge of Star Wars to enjoy it. It's also, well... you'll see.
Cheesy Nerf Surprise
The butterflies were trying to eat his lightsaber.
Obi-Wan held onto his saber like grim death and shook it, hard, watching the little bitty lights twinkle and fade, then come back, trying again. “Blasted acidic bugs,” he muttered, giving the lightsaber another shake. “You can’t have it. My saber. My life, y’know.”
The blasted butterflies weren’t listening. In resignation, he clipped it back on his belt and continued his climb through the jiggly red mounds of puffy hills. For a few steps the ground was firm beneath his feet, but then it wasn’t. His boot sunk in up to the knee and he growled, jerking at it. “Stupid julaberry gelatin . . . ick. This stuff will never come off.”
It sucked him in, quite leisurely, with all the pleasure of an old noblewoman licking her favorite fruit pastry, eating one tiny bite at a time. Obi-Wan did not care for the analogy. No one was going to eat him if he could help it.
But he couldn’t. In a remarkably long amount of time, he found himself standing on a Coruscant walkway, staring blearily across the skyscrapers to the Jedi Temple, straight ahead. The stars were coming in like a tide, and everything undulated slowly up and down. He shook off the disorientation and started walking. Strange, he couldn’t remember a walkway this long on Coruscant. It must stretch for kilometers, and no amount of walking seemed to bring him any closer to the Temple.
Obi-Wan glanced behind him, looking for the other end of the walkway. He expected to see the Senate hall, or maybe an apartment complex, but instead he nearly bumped his nose into the hull of an old, rusty-looking Corellian light freighter. He craned his head back, looking up, and up, and couldn’t see the top of the ship, which was strange, because this model of freighter was actually quite small.
“Piece of junk,” he muttered, and as if the universe chose that moment to punish his impoliteness, he finally overbalanced and fell onto his butt, still staring up. Then the golden light above blinded him, and he winced and shielded his eyes with one pink tie-dyed sleeve. It did not occur to him to question when his Jedi tunics had gotten dyed in pink and purple swirls. Probably when he fell through the julaberry gelatin.
He got back to his feet, dusting ineffectively at the dark brown dust that coated him. It adhered to the gelatin smears, mocking his efforts. “Yum,” he murmured illogically.
Obi-Wan turned back around, and now the walkway was a flight of stairs. With a mental shrug, he began to climb. Everything disappeared. It was just him and the stairs.
A lot of stairs.
“Hey, there,” said a monkey-lizard sitting on the step as he passed. Its voice was deep and fruity, like the horn that sits way in the back of the brass section. “This is the stairway to heaven, doncha know.”
Obi-Wan just kept putting one foot above the other. “Obnoxious little monkey-lizard.”
It wasn’t so bad, this stairway. Rather comforting in its lack of change.
But then, of course, the world had to go topsy-turvy again. The stairway began to sway like a rope bridge across a canyon, and then flipped. Obi-Wan fell, fell through acres of stars and suns and moons and planets. He fell forever.
A hand grabbed his shoulder and yanked him away from that reality. Obi-Wan opened his eyes, grunting in irritation. The first thing he saw was the face of his former apprentice, hair tousled, blue eyes sparkling with amusement. “Master! You were dreaming! And talking, too!”
“’Snot funny,” Obi-Wan said fuzzily. He realized that he was curled up in a hard seat of yet another transport, heading to yet another Outer Rim siege. He shivered beneath his cloak and drew it more tightly around his shoulders. “Nope, not funny at all, Pad’wan. Those damn butterflies were eating my lightsaber.”
Anakin laughed out loud, earning him another glare from the disgruntled Jedi Master. “Oh, no! Not your lightsaber! That’s your life, you know! Was that before or after you got stained with julaberry gelatin?”
“Before,” Obi-Wan said matter-of-factly. “It’s still not funny, Anakin. Stop laughing at me.”
The Knight stilled himself with great effort, but his eyes sparkled as brightly as ever. “I’m sorry, Obi-Wan. But I did warn you, you know.”
“I know.” The master closed his eyes, trying to ignore his annoying partner and find sleep again, hopefully minus the disturbing dreams this time.
“’When at a small diner in the lower levels of a city, never eat any entrée with the word “surprise” in it,’” Anakin quoted his own words. “Especially not when the other words are ‘Cheesy Nerf,’” he added musingly.
“I will endeavor to remember that from now on,” Obi-Wan said formally. “Now are you quite done?”
“Yes, yes. Go back to sleep, Master. No more dreams?”
Obi-Wan felt the pat on his shoulder, and acknowledged it with a soft grunt. “No. I’ll be keeping my lightsaber quite safe. No more acidic butterflies.”
“Whatever you say.”
The end
This fic requires no previous knowledge of Star Wars to enjoy it. It's also, well... you'll see.
Cheesy Nerf Surprise
The butterflies were trying to eat his lightsaber.
Obi-Wan held onto his saber like grim death and shook it, hard, watching the little bitty lights twinkle and fade, then come back, trying again. “Blasted acidic bugs,” he muttered, giving the lightsaber another shake. “You can’t have it. My saber. My life, y’know.”
The blasted butterflies weren’t listening. In resignation, he clipped it back on his belt and continued his climb through the jiggly red mounds of puffy hills. For a few steps the ground was firm beneath his feet, but then it wasn’t. His boot sunk in up to the knee and he growled, jerking at it. “Stupid julaberry gelatin . . . ick. This stuff will never come off.”
It sucked him in, quite leisurely, with all the pleasure of an old noblewoman licking her favorite fruit pastry, eating one tiny bite at a time. Obi-Wan did not care for the analogy. No one was going to eat him if he could help it.
But he couldn’t. In a remarkably long amount of time, he found himself standing on a Coruscant walkway, staring blearily across the skyscrapers to the Jedi Temple, straight ahead. The stars were coming in like a tide, and everything undulated slowly up and down. He shook off the disorientation and started walking. Strange, he couldn’t remember a walkway this long on Coruscant. It must stretch for kilometers, and no amount of walking seemed to bring him any closer to the Temple.
Obi-Wan glanced behind him, looking for the other end of the walkway. He expected to see the Senate hall, or maybe an apartment complex, but instead he nearly bumped his nose into the hull of an old, rusty-looking Corellian light freighter. He craned his head back, looking up, and up, and couldn’t see the top of the ship, which was strange, because this model of freighter was actually quite small.
“Piece of junk,” he muttered, and as if the universe chose that moment to punish his impoliteness, he finally overbalanced and fell onto his butt, still staring up. Then the golden light above blinded him, and he winced and shielded his eyes with one pink tie-dyed sleeve. It did not occur to him to question when his Jedi tunics had gotten dyed in pink and purple swirls. Probably when he fell through the julaberry gelatin.
He got back to his feet, dusting ineffectively at the dark brown dust that coated him. It adhered to the gelatin smears, mocking his efforts. “Yum,” he murmured illogically.
Obi-Wan turned back around, and now the walkway was a flight of stairs. With a mental shrug, he began to climb. Everything disappeared. It was just him and the stairs.
A lot of stairs.
“Hey, there,” said a monkey-lizard sitting on the step as he passed. Its voice was deep and fruity, like the horn that sits way in the back of the brass section. “This is the stairway to heaven, doncha know.”
Obi-Wan just kept putting one foot above the other. “Obnoxious little monkey-lizard.”
It wasn’t so bad, this stairway. Rather comforting in its lack of change.
But then, of course, the world had to go topsy-turvy again. The stairway began to sway like a rope bridge across a canyon, and then flipped. Obi-Wan fell, fell through acres of stars and suns and moons and planets. He fell forever.
A hand grabbed his shoulder and yanked him away from that reality. Obi-Wan opened his eyes, grunting in irritation. The first thing he saw was the face of his former apprentice, hair tousled, blue eyes sparkling with amusement. “Master! You were dreaming! And talking, too!”
“’Snot funny,” Obi-Wan said fuzzily. He realized that he was curled up in a hard seat of yet another transport, heading to yet another Outer Rim siege. He shivered beneath his cloak and drew it more tightly around his shoulders. “Nope, not funny at all, Pad’wan. Those damn butterflies were eating my lightsaber.”
Anakin laughed out loud, earning him another glare from the disgruntled Jedi Master. “Oh, no! Not your lightsaber! That’s your life, you know! Was that before or after you got stained with julaberry gelatin?”
“Before,” Obi-Wan said matter-of-factly. “It’s still not funny, Anakin. Stop laughing at me.”
The Knight stilled himself with great effort, but his eyes sparkled as brightly as ever. “I’m sorry, Obi-Wan. But I did warn you, you know.”
“I know.” The master closed his eyes, trying to ignore his annoying partner and find sleep again, hopefully minus the disturbing dreams this time.
“’When at a small diner in the lower levels of a city, never eat any entrée with the word “surprise” in it,’” Anakin quoted his own words. “Especially not when the other words are ‘Cheesy Nerf,’” he added musingly.
“I will endeavor to remember that from now on,” Obi-Wan said formally. “Now are you quite done?”
“Yes, yes. Go back to sleep, Master. No more dreams?”
Obi-Wan felt the pat on his shoulder, and acknowledged it with a soft grunt. “No. I’ll be keeping my lightsaber quite safe. No more acidic butterflies.”
“Whatever you say.”
The end