A7X does A & C Act I Scene 2
Character sheet here
Act I Scene 1
And the original Antony and Cleopatra here
The den of the same condo, Huntington Beach
ALYSSA MELLARK in deep conversation with EUNICE, who does tarot, interprets birth charts, and reads palms. They are gathered around a table.
Enter BRIAN HANER (SYN). BRIAN approaches ALYSSA as if to hit on her. ALYSSA is having none of it.
BRIAN
Alyssa, sweet, genius, beautiful Alyssa, where's that fortune teller chick you were telling Matt about? I want to know who I'll cheat on Michelle with.
ALYSSA
Eunice?
BRIAN
Eunice, huh? So you can tell the future?
EUNICE
I know a thing or two, yeah.
ALYSSA
Cut the deck. Or give her your hand. Or tell her your birthday.
Brian holds out his palm to EUNICE.
Enter DOMINIQUE
BRIAN
Give me something good.
EUNICE
I don't give anything. I see it.
BRIAN
Fine, see something good for me.
EUNICE
You'll be hotter than you are.
BRIAN
I'm hot-blooded, check it and see, got a fever of 103-
ALYSSA
There's a reason it's Matt who does lead vocals and not you. Stop snarking and listen to her. [muttering] Dumbass.
EUNICE
You'll have more feelings than are returned to you.
BRIAN
Oh fuck it, let's drink.
ALYSSA
Will you just listen to her????
BRIAN
Come on, Eunice, can't you tell me something good? Like, let me be the next Hugh Hefner, or let me have as much fame and glory as Matt gets, or-
EUNICE
You'll outlive Matt.
BRIAN
Yeah, see, that's more like it. Long life is good. Better than sex. [He winks at Alyssa. She looks daggers back.]
EUNICE
You've had better days than what's to come.
BRIAN
Maybe Pinkly's having puppies. How many though?
EUNICE
If all your wishes were pregnant women? Infinity.
BRIAN
What? What's that even mean? You're so full of shit! Get out.
ALYSSA
Sit the fuck down, Brian. We're all getting our fortunes.
DOMINIQUE
I don't know about the rest of you, but mine is - drunk, partying, hooking up, and passed out.
BRIAN
Well that's not classy at all. Hey how about Alyssa's fortune? Let her...let her fall in love with a complete douchebag. And after they have a bitter breakup, give her an even bigger douchebag and worse breakup! And-
ALYSSA
I might get with douchebags, but they're the ones who'd be crappy people, not me.
DOMINIQUE
Shut up, our frontman's arrived.
BRIAN
Not your frontman, my frontman. M Shadows.
Enter MATT
MATT
Have you seen Andrew?
BRIAN
No.
MATT
Huh. He was talking about going back east. Dominique!
DOMINIQUE
Yeah?
MATT
Look for him, will you?
ALYSSA
Hey look, Andrew's coming now.
MATT
Come on, Brian, we're not talking to him.
ALYSSA
......
Exeunt omnes
Enter ANDREW and JOHNNY
JOHNNY
So, your wife...she died.
ANDREW
What? How?
JOHNNY
Car accident. It had rained a lot and her car slipped and flipped over several times and rolled off the road...Do you need a moment alone?
ANDREW
Please.
Exit JOHNNY
ANDREW collapses onto a sofa and rubs his temples wearily.
Enter DOMINIQUE
DOMINIQUE
Hey.
ANDREW
Dom, we should go back to Reston.
DOMINIQUE
What? Why? The guys are hot over here. And they're sweet to me. Do you want to make me stay among the tools of DC? I went through a two year dry spell there. Do you have any idea how sexually frustrating that was? I'm having fun here, dammit. No, you can't make me go back.
ANDREW
I need to go back.
DOMINIQUE
But why? What about Matt? You're ditching him to go back to the wife that you don't even like anymore?
ANDREW
She died, Dom.
DOMINIQUE
O.
ANDREW
Yeah. Car accident.
DOMINIQUE
Well now you're no longer guilty of adultery. You can stay with Matt with a clear conscience.
ANDREW
Damn it, Dominique, this isn't funny. We need to go back to DC, we've got business to take care of there. And I'll have to let Matt know.
DOMINIQUE
Ugh, fine.
*Yeah, I don't know, I can't make this work.
Act I Scene 1
And the original Antony and Cleopatra here
The den of the same condo, Huntington Beach
ALYSSA MELLARK in deep conversation with EUNICE, who does tarot, interprets birth charts, and reads palms. They are gathered around a table.
Enter BRIAN HANER (SYN). BRIAN approaches ALYSSA as if to hit on her. ALYSSA is having none of it.
BRIAN
Alyssa, sweet, genius, beautiful Alyssa, where's that fortune teller chick you were telling Matt about? I want to know who I'll cheat on Michelle with.
ALYSSA
Eunice?
BRIAN
Eunice, huh? So you can tell the future?
EUNICE
I know a thing or two, yeah.
ALYSSA
Cut the deck. Or give her your hand. Or tell her your birthday.
Brian holds out his palm to EUNICE.
Enter DOMINIQUE
BRIAN
Give me something good.
EUNICE
I don't give anything. I see it.
BRIAN
Fine, see something good for me.
EUNICE
You'll be hotter than you are.
BRIAN
I'm hot-blooded, check it and see, got a fever of 103-
ALYSSA
There's a reason it's Matt who does lead vocals and not you. Stop snarking and listen to her. [muttering] Dumbass.
EUNICE
You'll have more feelings than are returned to you.
BRIAN
Oh fuck it, let's drink.
ALYSSA
Will you just listen to her????
BRIAN
Come on, Eunice, can't you tell me something good? Like, let me be the next Hugh Hefner, or let me have as much fame and glory as Matt gets, or-
EUNICE
You'll outlive Matt.
BRIAN
Yeah, see, that's more like it. Long life is good. Better than sex. [He winks at Alyssa. She looks daggers back.]
EUNICE
You've had better days than what's to come.
BRIAN
Maybe Pinkly's having puppies. How many though?
EUNICE
If all your wishes were pregnant women? Infinity.
BRIAN
What? What's that even mean? You're so full of shit! Get out.
ALYSSA
Sit the fuck down, Brian. We're all getting our fortunes.
DOMINIQUE
I don't know about the rest of you, but mine is - drunk, partying, hooking up, and passed out.
BRIAN
Well that's not classy at all. Hey how about Alyssa's fortune? Let her...let her fall in love with a complete douchebag. And after they have a bitter breakup, give her an even bigger douchebag and worse breakup! And-
ALYSSA
I might get with douchebags, but they're the ones who'd be crappy people, not me.
DOMINIQUE
Shut up, our frontman's arrived.
BRIAN
Not your frontman, my frontman. M Shadows.
Enter MATT
MATT
Have you seen Andrew?
BRIAN
No.
MATT
Huh. He was talking about going back east. Dominique!
DOMINIQUE
Yeah?
MATT
Look for him, will you?
ALYSSA
Hey look, Andrew's coming now.
MATT
Come on, Brian, we're not talking to him.
ALYSSA
......
Exeunt omnes
Enter ANDREW and JOHNNY
JOHNNY
So, your wife...she died.
ANDREW
What? How?
JOHNNY
Car accident. It had rained a lot and her car slipped and flipped over several times and rolled off the road...Do you need a moment alone?
ANDREW
Please.
Exit JOHNNY
ANDREW collapses onto a sofa and rubs his temples wearily.
Enter DOMINIQUE
DOMINIQUE
Hey.
ANDREW
Dom, we should go back to Reston.
DOMINIQUE
What? Why? The guys are hot over here. And they're sweet to me. Do you want to make me stay among the tools of DC? I went through a two year dry spell there. Do you have any idea how sexually frustrating that was? I'm having fun here, dammit. No, you can't make me go back.
ANDREW
I need to go back.
DOMINIQUE
But why? What about Matt? You're ditching him to go back to the wife that you don't even like anymore?
ANDREW
She died, Dom.
DOMINIQUE
O.
ANDREW
Yeah. Car accident.
DOMINIQUE
Well now you're no longer guilty of adultery. You can stay with Matt with a clear conscience.
ANDREW
Damn it, Dominique, this isn't funny. We need to go back to DC, we've got business to take care of there. And I'll have to let Matt know.
DOMINIQUE
Ugh, fine.
*Yeah, I don't know, I can't make this work.