A7X does Antony and Cleopatra, Act IV Scene 7
previously
more breaking of the fourth wall to come
M SHADOWS' room, Huntington Beach
MATT and SYN already on stage with BELLA and PINKLY
MATT
We're not getting out of here. Ever.
SYN
Oh don't be so dramatic.
MATT
No really. I've got a bad feeling.
SYN
[deadpan] Maybe you should pretend to someone else that you've committed suicide.
MATT
Seriously, we'll both die in here.
SYN
You can. I have a date with Michelle tonight. To whom I've been faithful.
MATT
What's that?
SYN
And I need to take Pinkly for a walk at some point.
MATT
We're channeling Egypt, Brian. Pale Cassius Conspired is channeling Rome. We're re-enacting Antony and Cleopatra. Slash-style, because our author is a yaoi fangirl.
SYN
So we're figments of the imagination of some fangirl who likes guy on guy action and a certain Shakespeare play. You're Cleopatra. This writer likes genderflipping too.
MATT
Yeah, you're my handmaidens.
SYN
Outstanding. And where's your asp?
Enter JOHNNY CHRIST with an aquarium tank with a snake inside it
JOHNNY
I got a banded krait today. These are dangerous fuckers, there's no antidote to their venom.
MATT
He's so tiny.
JOHNNY
It's a female. Her name is Charmian.
SYN
There's one more problem with us channeling Egypt - Rome conquered Egypt. But we're...mainstream while Andrew's band is just a local band. Also, we're all in America. And Cleopatra's servants killed themselves to stick it to the imperialist Man. We're all about dying for no reason.
Enter ZACKY
ZACKY
And speaking of imperialist Man, Oliver's just making lots of money at a records company that you can turn down easily enough. He doesn't own an empire.
JOHNNY
But Sextus Pompeius Records just bought out Warner Brothers. Didn't you hear?
SYN
So?
MATT
We will never sign on to Sextus Pompeius Records. Ever. They're in cahoots with the Koch brothers and they financed Frank Wolf's Congressional campaign.
SYN
Yeah, that's pretty crappy. But Matt, when did you become such a bleeding heart? We have an entire song about hating on that.
MATT
Yeah, but our author's a PC feminazi hippie and shit. That's besides the point though! Zack, how did Andrew react when you gave him the message?
ZACKY
Not well. Not well at all.
MATT
You better haul ass to tell him I'm not actually dead. I have the worst feeling ever.
Exit ZACKY and JOHNNY
SYN picks up PINKLY and makes to leave
MATT
Where do you think you're going?
more breaking of the fourth wall to come
M SHADOWS' room, Huntington Beach
MATT and SYN already on stage with BELLA and PINKLY
MATT
We're not getting out of here. Ever.
SYN
Oh don't be so dramatic.
MATT
No really. I've got a bad feeling.
SYN
[deadpan] Maybe you should pretend to someone else that you've committed suicide.
MATT
Seriously, we'll both die in here.
SYN
You can. I have a date with Michelle tonight. To whom I've been faithful.
MATT
What's that?
SYN
And I need to take Pinkly for a walk at some point.
MATT
We're channeling Egypt, Brian. Pale Cassius Conspired is channeling Rome. We're re-enacting Antony and Cleopatra. Slash-style, because our author is a yaoi fangirl.
SYN
So we're figments of the imagination of some fangirl who likes guy on guy action and a certain Shakespeare play. You're Cleopatra. This writer likes genderflipping too.
MATT
Yeah, you're my handmaidens.
SYN
Outstanding. And where's your asp?
Enter JOHNNY CHRIST with an aquarium tank with a snake inside it
JOHNNY
I got a banded krait today. These are dangerous fuckers, there's no antidote to their venom.
MATT
He's so tiny.
JOHNNY
It's a female. Her name is Charmian.
SYN
There's one more problem with us channeling Egypt - Rome conquered Egypt. But we're...mainstream while Andrew's band is just a local band. Also, we're all in America. And Cleopatra's servants killed themselves to stick it to the imperialist Man. We're all about dying for no reason.
Enter ZACKY
ZACKY
And speaking of imperialist Man, Oliver's just making lots of money at a records company that you can turn down easily enough. He doesn't own an empire.
JOHNNY
But Sextus Pompeius Records just bought out Warner Brothers. Didn't you hear?
SYN
So?
MATT
We will never sign on to Sextus Pompeius Records. Ever. They're in cahoots with the Koch brothers and they financed Frank Wolf's Congressional campaign.
SYN
Yeah, that's pretty crappy. But Matt, when did you become such a bleeding heart? We have an entire song about hating on that.
MATT
Yeah, but our author's a PC feminazi hippie and shit. That's besides the point though! Zack, how did Andrew react when you gave him the message?
ZACKY
Not well. Not well at all.
MATT
You better haul ass to tell him I'm not actually dead. I have the worst feeling ever.
Exit ZACKY and JOHNNY
SYN picks up PINKLY and makes to leave
MATT
Where do you think you're going?