At 3rd grade I would have wanted New Moon magazine and What's Happening to My Body: Book for Girls (I had these things and I think they were KEY in shaping my perspectives on feminism and healthy views on sexual health and sexual relationships)
I would have encouraged myself more to find good PARTS in other people. I heard the chorus of "there's good in everyone" and I couldn't get past the, "THEY ARE PURE EVIL" bit. I think if someone would have told me to find one little smidge of humanity among the evil parts instead of saying, "Oh, they're a good person inside," I would have been better off and less cynical.
Hm, what else? I think I would have wanted exposure to kids who were older than me, because I always got along better with them and thus spent last time obsessing about myself. But when I was little... I really appreciated having books like Jane and the Dragon that had fantastic female characters, but I kind of wish I would have seen more people my age interested in similar books/earrrrrrrly feminist issues, because none of
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I would have wanted to know that it's OK to have bad days and that not everyone can be happy and perfect all the time. I still struggle with that overwhelming need to "put on a happy face" even when I'm not. It was the culture I had to live with at work, too, which made it harder. There's nothing harder than putting on a happy face when you want to kill everyone you work with. :)
I also wish I had had organizations like Girls on the Run and the like to teach me self-esteem building, teamwork, and finding pride in accomplishing goals. I feel like so much of my life was tainted because of a verbally abusive stepmother (ages 13-20). If she hadn't been in the picture, I know things would be different today. Because of that, no amount of talking to me at ages 5-13 would have done much good... or would it? I guess I'll never know, but I will not make the same mistakes with my own daughter when I get around to having one.
I was raised with Catholic fear/guilt, which had a major impact when I was first discovering my sexuality. It took a long time for me to erase the sex = sin equation that had been seared into my brain.
I wish someone would have told me that sex, sexuality and physical intimacy (with a partner or oneself) are nothing to be ashamed of.
I also wish more people (women, especially) would have encouraged my intelligence. I wish I would have had a smart female role model. I was in all kinds of accelerated learning groups in elementary school, but by the time middle school rolled around, I was labeled "the smart kid" by my peers and was teased for it. So I stopped reading and raising my hand in class, and I started trying to "dumb down" in the hopes that I would be accepted. The girls who had boyfriends and were "sexy" were not academics. And I wanted to have a boyfriend and be sexy. No one told me you could be smart AND sexy, which, in retrospect, is so sad.
I agree, great post. Can't wait to read what other women have to say.
The biggest thing I wish I knew was what you, Tara, and lot of the other women have already mentioned. The biggest problem I had was being different, and part of me wishes I had known that it was OK to not be the same as everyone
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I would have wanted to know that it was OK to get an A on a test, and that it was OK to get a C on a test every now and then as long as I learned from it. I would have wanted to know that my body would change so much and so often that I shouldn't care if I had big boobs or small ones or was tall or short or fat or thin, because it would all be different in a year anyway. I would have wanted to know that I didn't need to compete with anyone or anything besides my own beliefs and expectations for myself. I would have wanted to know that I could always talk to my mom about anything.
But also, one thing that always helped me when I was feeling awkward, left out and different from everyone was the knowledge that this time in my life is very brief and in some ways unimportant in the grand scheme of things. I grew up understanding that what people think of you in 8th grade really has little bearing on what happens to you in the future. The knowledge that what I was feeling was temporary made it easier to bear. When you are caught up in those feelings its easy to have that whole my life is ruined forever kind of feeling and my mom really helped me put things in perspective, and because of that it was easier to get past things.
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I would have encouraged myself more to find good PARTS in other people. I heard the chorus of "there's good in everyone" and I couldn't get past the, "THEY ARE PURE EVIL" bit. I think if someone would have told me to find one little smidge of humanity among the evil parts instead of saying, "Oh, they're a good person inside," I would have been better off and less cynical.
Hm, what else? I think I would have wanted exposure to kids who were older than me, because I always got along better with them and thus spent last time obsessing about myself. But when I was little... I really appreciated having books like Jane and the Dragon that had fantastic female characters, but I kind of wish I would have seen more people my age interested in similar books/earrrrrrrly feminist issues, because none of ( ... )
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I also wish I had had organizations like Girls on the Run and the like to teach me self-esteem building, teamwork, and finding pride in accomplishing goals. I feel like so much of my life was tainted because of a verbally abusive stepmother (ages 13-20). If she hadn't been in the picture, I know things would be different today. Because of that, no amount of talking to me at ages 5-13 would have done much good... or would it? I guess I'll never know, but I will not make the same mistakes with my own daughter when I get around to having one.
This is a great post. :)
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I wish someone would have told me that sex, sexuality and physical intimacy (with a partner or oneself) are nothing to be ashamed of.
I also wish more people (women, especially) would have encouraged my intelligence. I wish I would have had a smart female role model. I was in all kinds of accelerated learning groups in elementary school, but by the time middle school rolled around, I was labeled "the smart kid" by my peers and was teased for it. So I stopped reading and raising my hand in class, and I started trying to "dumb down" in the hopes that I would be accepted. The girls who had boyfriends and were "sexy" were not academics. And I wanted to have a boyfriend and be sexy. No one told me you could be smart AND sexy, which, in retrospect, is so sad.
I agree, great post. Can't wait to read what other women have to say.
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But also, one thing that always helped me when I was feeling awkward, left out and different from everyone was the knowledge that this time in my life is very brief and in some ways unimportant in the grand scheme of things. I grew up understanding that what people think of you in 8th grade really has little bearing on what happens to you in the future. The knowledge that what I was feeling was temporary made it easier to bear. When you are caught up in those feelings its easy to have that whole my life is ruined forever kind of feeling and my mom really helped me put things in perspective, and because of that it was easier to get past things.
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