(no subject)
For reference, Kenny is my uncle/my mom's brother, Cindy is my grandma's niece, and Sandy is my grandma's best friend..well for longer than I've been alive.
Mom: she had a set back today
Mom: she is back where she was about 2 weeks ago
Mom: they are concerned how long she has been on 100% oxygen
Mom: and they are running out of options
Mom: but her heart is strong
Mom: and she is fighting
Mom:: they are afraid she has tears in her lungs not just pinholes
a cruel paradise: not to sound too negative, you know I consider her to be one of my best friends, but i've bascally spent the past couple of weeks coming to termswith the fact that I dont' think she's going to make it out of that hospital.
Mom: when they try to wean her off oxygen her lungs callapse again
Mom:: on the plus side if they can get the rest of the pnuemonia cleard out of her right lung the lungs will heal more easily
Mom: Kenny and Cindy are optimistic, but I feel like you do
Mom: her lungs are in pretty bad shape
a cruel paradise: I think like Gra. You know exactly what she'd say if it was someone else in there.
a cruel paradise: It's kind of comforting to know that. heh.
Mom: yeah
Mom: Sandy is about besides herself
Mom: she tries to see her everyday
a cruel paradise: Sandy and Gra have been insperable for years basically.
Mom: I know
Mom: it's tearing her up seeing Gra like she is
Mom: I couldn't stop crying
a cruel paradise: =/
Mom: I will ask dr tomorrow what her chances are now
Mom: she has some kind of infection but they are unable to find it
Mom: they have her on 3 diff anitbiotics
Mom: an anti viral
Mom: but with the steriods they've been giving her it has weakend her
a cruel paradise: Basically everything they do has a consequence but at the end of the day no matter how much they try to help her heal, there's too much that's already happened to really heal her.
Mom: and brought down her anit bodies
Mom: no, she has just taken a set back
Mom:: *antibodies
Mom: I just think her lungs are shot, they've been bad for years
a cruel paradise: Well that's kind of what I meant.
Mom: yeah
Mom: you still going to move back out here, will be weird without Gra
Mom: I told Sandy I would come by the house after I saw Gra
Mom: she wants her off the ventilator
a cruel paradise: Without it will she die?
Mom: Gra did sign a do not resesutate
a cruel paradise: I'd expect that.
Mom: I'm not sure, but she wont be getting enough oxygen in her bloodstream
a cruel paradise: What did Gra consent to? When it came to being sedated.
Mom: to treatment of her lungs
Mom: but her heart is strong, well not as strong
Mom: but still strong
Mom: sucks Annabelle can't see her, but then again I don't think she should remember her like she is now
Mom: she knows you are there and can hear you, she just can't respond to you
Mom: and I'd rather you remember her how she was
a cruel paradise: Well I'm old enough to know the difference though.
This is the hardest thing I've ever had to live through. I don't understand how people lose parents and keep going. My grandma..she was closer to me than my mom. I'm not one of those people who can easily put myself into someone else's head, but I can with my grandma. We're so much alike it's ridiculous. I know that people probably think differently when they're facing death. I am terrified. I am nowhere near ready for this. I'm not sure if she knows how much I love and appreciate her. I'm sure she does, I never say it but we have such an understanding of each other. It's why I left her alone most of the time she was in the hospital. But I called her the day before they moved her to the ICU, the last time she was able to take a phone call. I don't know why, I'd told her I wasn't bothering her until she went home and she was supposed to go home that week. I just wanted to hear her voice.
Really, I just want to hear her voice. I want to tell her I love her and tell her how important she is and thank her for making me who I am. But she knows I feel all of that already. I'm really just glad that she knows. I need her to tell me not to be scared, though. And that she isn't scared either.