wut.
I can now make an origami chocobo. 'twas difficult, hence my not-in-bed-ness.
I caught myself last night. In a sense, I actually was trying to steal something, haha.
Did I mention I got the job proposal and should start next Thursday? During the pitch, the two people I'd be reporting to did most of the talking. I was happy because a lot of what he was saying lined up with what I had been thinking, and nothing really conflicted with who I am as a person. I spent the evening playing video games with a couple friends, and on my drive home began thinking back on the day. I remember thinking, and feeling, too, that I was going to (in reference to the job) "go in and blow them away." Then I stopped. Yes, it's great to have confidence! Yes, I still believe it's possible for that to happen. But, I'd be fooling myself to overlook the true challenges I'll face in learning everything. On top of that, though, and what caused me to stop and rethink that was the fact that I cannot place all of my confidence in myself. Sure, yourself is the only one you can trust, right? Yeah, well, I don't buy that. If that were the case, I'd never do anything I said I wasn't going to do, right? "Oh, I won't skip a meal, won't miss a day of exercise, etc etc." That's just not the case. I fully believe God gave me the capacity to do well, and my effort is greatly responsible for filling that capacity. But! To forget that Christ is first in giving me my talents and ability would be a mistake. A reminder to stay humble!! I really really need to remember this.
Also - my desires I had written out for the year are changing a bit... I still fully desire what I have down. Yet, the order in which I am to pursue them seems to be changing, and I'm okay with that. Why? Because I'm still seeking to have God as #1 on that list. It's not uncommon to hear people say, "God will give you the desires of your heart." Well, that's partly true. That leaves out the first part. Altogether, it's, "Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart" - Psalm 37:4 (had to look that up, my memory commitment is low >_< )
Recap:
I have a job, stay confident in the Lord (not myself) and desire Him first.
=) There's much to come in the weeks and months ahead... much more than I realize. I'm not even trying to anticipate some kind of pace for any of it. I can assure you tests and trials for a new segment of life are already underway. I believe they won't be fun or easy at the time, but I want them. I want them so I can be a better person for it, to better help others, and quite frankly, assuming I will have one, to be a better spouse. I know how poorly I can react to life, and what I've faced so far doesn't compare to those times. I anticipate being undeserving of how awesome she'll be, but I'd like to be as close to deserving as I can. And for that, I can promise you confidence in myself won't be enough.
Ah... also, I feel I got a little bit of a glimpse into how my kind words and so forth are slowly impacting people. I was am a bit overwhelmed at the incredibly kindly-worded birthday wishes this past Sunday. I don't recall being called "adorable one" or "mr sunshine" before! I could go on, but it just reminds me to be thankful to God. I wouldn't be (the person I am) without him.
Backtracking and vaguely specifying a person: If I were pursuing her, I know I'd be heavily distracted and mood-impacted by inklings and feelings. --that's not to say I shouldn't be aware of them; paying attention to subtle things about someone's demeanor is very important!!-- I'd be reading into too much and likely twist facts to suit theories, instead of theories to suit facts. (Daily Double! Who said/wrote that?!) another reason I think I'm doing it right, albeit differently than I want to. Granted, if the way I did things didn't work in the past, changing my approach (or modifying slightly) isn't a bad way to get different results!
I could write so much more. I've been a lot more creative this past month and a half. I hope it continues! (I don't want to stop coming up with new cutesy things to say, haha.) That being said, I went to bed at 1 last night, and said I wouldn't do that again. Prime example of what I was talking about earlier, as there is no way I'll be in bed before then tonight.
it may not be much, but I sent you my best. =)