TEAM ANGST: Sacrifice, "Responsibility"
Title: Responsibility
Author: belletrist ( interview)
Team: Angst
Prompt: Sacrifice
Pairing(s): McKay/Sheppard, McKay/Brown
Rating: R
Warnings: none
Summary: Rodney finds that doing the right thing isn't always easy, when you want something else.
Once you've read the story, please take a moment to vote in the poll below. Ratings go from 1 (low) to 9 (high), so all you need to do is enter a single number in that range into each text entry box. You'll be able to see the Prompt and Team (Genre) information in the header above.
More details about the voting procedure can be found here.
**
Rodney triggered the chime outside Sheppard's door, shifting from foot to foot as he waited for the other man to answer. The door slid open, and he stepped inside, gaze darting around the room, before focusing on John, who was sitting on his bed, reading a golfing magazine.
"Hey, McKay," John drawled, arching a brow at Rodney as he lowered his magazine to his lap. "C'mon in. What's up?"
Rodney waved a hand over the sensor to close the door behind him, fingers fidgeting nervously at he stepped closer to John. "I, um... Well, you see, I need to talk. To you. About something important."
Frowning now, John swung his feet to the floor, tossing the magazine to the foot of the bed, eyes narrowing on Rodney. "Okay," he agreed, tone slightly wary as he watched McKay fidget.
Rodney swallowed hard, fingers twitching against one another as he tried to organize his thoughts. "I'm leaving," he blurted out, after a long, agonizing pause.
John blinked, just staring at Rodney for a long moment. "You're what?" he replied, off balance and pretty damn confused.
Rodney winced, and then dragged in a ragged breath, starting over. "Katie and me. Are. Leaving, that is. She's..." His hands lunged upward, fingers flailing. "She's pregnant. Can you believe that? I'm going to be a father. Me."
John continued to stare at Rodney, mind going damn near as fast as Rodney's hands. "I... Jesus," was all he could think to say.
Rodney sighed out a breath and rubbed his hands over his face. "Yeah. I know. She doesn't want to raise a child here. She says it isn't safe, with the Wraith and all. Can't say I really blame her. So, yeah. What else can I do?" He looked up at John, expression pleading with him to understand. "It's not like I want to leave. Because I don't. I really, really don't."
John nodded slowly, lifting a hand to rake it though his hair. "You have to do the responsible thing," he said at last, quietly.
"Sometimes, the responsible thing sucks," Rodney muttered, gaze dropping to the toes of his boots.
"When are you leaving?" John questioned, pushing to his feet and jamming his hands into the pockets of his BDUs, his gaze fixed on Rodney.
Not meeting his gaze, Rodney hunched his shoulders slightly. "Two days. I've already talked to Elizabeth, made the arrangements for Radek to take over as chief scientist."
"Two days?" John exploded, sudden, furious anger spiking into his gut. "What the hell, McKay!"
Rodney winced, still not meeting John's gaze. "She only told me three days ago!" he defended himself. "I wasn't sure right away what I was going to do!"
Pissed, John turned away from Rodney, pacing to the other side of his room, his spine tense. "Christ. Have you told Ronon and Teyla?" he asked, trying to get a handle on his anger, trying to tramp down on the churning nausea in his belly. Trying not to show how upset he was.
Rodney shook his head. "Not yet," he replied. "I was going to talk to them tomorrow. I'm not telling many people, Colonel. I don't want a big fuss. People can throw a party when I'm gone."
John shot him a narrow-eyed look at that, snorting. "You just don't want anyone to talk you out of it."
"No, I don't!" Rodney snapped, flushing. "Do you think I like the realization that you... that others, could talk me out of doing the right thing? What kind of person would that make me?"
John's shoulders sagged, his fury draining out of him for the moment as he blew out a ragged breath. "Yeah, I suppose you've got a point, there," he agreed, not able to argue with the truth of Rodney's statement, as much as he selfishly wanted to. "But, Christ, Rodney..."
"Yes, well. Try not to do anything horridly stupid without me around to stop you, and get yourself killed," Rodney retorted waspishly. He lifted his gaze at last to look at John, his face blotchy with emotion. "Colonel..." He paused, swallowing hard, and then spoke again. "John. I just... I... Oh, hell."
Leaning forward abruptly, Rodney pressed his lips to John's in a brief, but desperate, kiss. Pulling back, he opened his mouth to apologize, to make up some excuse for his behaviour, but before he could speak, Sheppard's hands were fisted in his t-shirt and Rodney found his back slammed into the wall beside the door.
Fully expecting that he was about to get his ass thoroughly kicked, Rodney was shocked, eyes going wide, when John's mouth came down on his. A low, ragged groan caught in his throat as his own hands came up to clutch at John's shoulders. Holy crap, could Sheppard ever kiss, he thought dazedly, parting his lips without conscious thought when he registered the demanding press of John's tongue.
John's hands released Rodney's shirt, sliding up to cup his face as he kissed him harder, hungrily, plundering Rodney's mouth as he drank him in. Rodney made an embarrassingly needy sound, hands tightening on John's shoulders, pressing his body closer, wanting more.
Without quite knowing how it happened, Rodney found himself on his back across John's bed, his fingers buried in the other man's hair, his aching erection pressed against Sheppard's hip.
He shouldn't be doing this, Rodney thought wildly as John's lips and teeth and tongue blazed a path along the side of his throat. He really, really shouldn't. Then John was looking down at him, green eyes filled with all the things he could never say, and Rodney's gut twisted as he realized fully what he was giving up in leaving Atlantis.
Rodney swallowed hard, staring up at John, his heart hammering in his chest. If he had to lose this, then damnit, he was going to have it at least once. Didn't he deserve that? Didn't John?
Shoving all thoughts of right or wrong from his mind, Rodney arched up into John, hands clutching at his shoulders as John groaned and claimed his mouth again, kissing him deeply, as if trying to brand Rodney with his mouth.
Hands seeking skin, both men tugged and yanked at their clothing, and when John's body slid against Rodney's, skin on skin, Rodney moaned raggedly. Loudly. Rodney's fingers stroked along John's back, mapping out the dips and planes of muscle and bone as they rocked against one another, pleasure coiling tightly in Rodney's belly.
Dazed by pleasure, Rodney let John roll him over, panting into the sheets, listening to the sound of John fumbling in the drawer of his nightstand. A few moments later, he made a ragged sound, pressing back eagerly as slick fingers opened him up, a keening cry spilling from him when John's fingers pressed firmly against his prostate.
"John. Oh, God, John, please..." Rodney babbled, his hands clenching and unclenching in the bedding as he pushed up on his knees, rocking back into the thrust of John's fingers. "More. I need more. Need you. Now, now, now... John, fuck me now."
John made a strangled sound, and Rodney could feel him shudder hard. "Jesus fuck," he rasped, ducking his head to press open-mouthed kisses to Rodney's lower back. "Rodney." Then John withdrew his fingers, making Rodney groan with the loss, until he felt the hot press of John's cock.
"Yes," Rodney gasped, shifting to press back against the intrusion, trying to relax his internal muscles. "In me. Need you in me, John. Now."
A choked sound was his only reply, and then John's hands were gripping his hips tightly as he thrust forward hard, driving himself into Rodney and wringing a ragged cry from both of them. Rodney tightened his fingers in the sheets, holding on, holding still, as John worked his cock into him, inch by inch, and by the time John was fully inside of him Rodney thought he was going to either explode, or pass out from the pleasure clawing through him.
Shaking with the effort, John held still for a moment, letting Rodney adjust, one hand stroking Rodney's hip. Rodney panted for a moment, groaning, and then shifted impatiently, pressing back against John, urging him to thrust. Groaning, John tightened his fingers on Rodney's hips again, and obliged him.
Hard and fast, John drove his cock into Rodney, leaning over his back, his forehead pressed against the back of Rodney's shoulder as he fucked him, sharp gasps of pleasure dragged from both their throats. Rodney didn't shut up the entire time, babbling encouragement and demands for John to fuck him harder, faster.
John slid one hand from Rodney's hip, curling his fingers around the other man's cock, jerking him in time with his thrusts. The sounds of Rodney's pleasure kicked up a notch, and John couldn't help but grin to himself when he at last reduced Rodney to wordless cries and gasps.
Rodney was beyond speaking, beyond thinking, his world reduced to John and the pleasure sparking through his body. His balls drew up, tension coiling at the base of his cock, and then it all unravelled. Shaking hard, Rodney all but howled as he came, his cock pulsing in John's fist, another wave of pleasure washing over him when he heard John cry out as well, felt the hot wash of come inside him.
Groaning, Rodney sagged to the bed, hissing when John slipped free. Snagging a t-shirt from the floor, John cleaned them both up haphazardly, and then collapsed to the bed as well. He spooned up behind Rodney, one arm encircling him, holding him in silence while he caught his breath.
Rodney remained silent as well, not sure what to say. He closed his eyes as John nuzzled his nape, a sudden swell of emotion damn near closing his throat. He didn't want to leave. Now that he knew he could have this, he wanted it desperately.
He said nothing, though, just let John hold him as his heart rate calmed and his breathing evened out. After a long while, John kissed his nape, behind his ear, the back of his shoulder, and then eased away. Rodney shifted away, easing from the bed and getting to his feet with a wince. He'd be feeling that for the next few days.
John dragged on his BDUs, and then sat on the edge of the bed, watching, as Rodney dressed in silence.
Rodney finished smoothing down his shirt, nervously, and then glanced up at John, blue eyes anguished. Before he could say anything, John stood and cupped his face in his hands, kissing him desperately, almost violently, as he tried to express with his mouth what he couldn't in words.
Then John abruptly pushed him away, stepping back a few paces. Both men were panting as they stared at one another, and Rodney looked away first. "I..." he began, but John cut him off.
"I know." John wet his lips, and then turned away. "I hope it all works out for you, Rodney. Congratulations."
Rodney stared at John's tense back, and then nodded jerkily. "Thanks. I, um, yeah. I should go. Lot of stuff to do, and, yeah. I..." He swallowed hard, and then turned to the door. "Goodbye, John," he said quietly, willing his voice not to break. As he stepped out, it took everything he had to keep from looking back.
**
THIS POLL IS NOW CLOSED. ANY FURTHER VOTES WILL NOT BE COUNTED.
Poll Vote for this story
Author: belletrist ( interview)
Team: Angst
Prompt: Sacrifice
Pairing(s): McKay/Sheppard, McKay/Brown
Rating: R
Warnings: none
Summary: Rodney finds that doing the right thing isn't always easy, when you want something else.
Once you've read the story, please take a moment to vote in the poll below. Ratings go from 1 (low) to 9 (high), so all you need to do is enter a single number in that range into each text entry box. You'll be able to see the Prompt and Team (Genre) information in the header above.
More details about the voting procedure can be found here.
**
Rodney triggered the chime outside Sheppard's door, shifting from foot to foot as he waited for the other man to answer. The door slid open, and he stepped inside, gaze darting around the room, before focusing on John, who was sitting on his bed, reading a golfing magazine.
"Hey, McKay," John drawled, arching a brow at Rodney as he lowered his magazine to his lap. "C'mon in. What's up?"
Rodney waved a hand over the sensor to close the door behind him, fingers fidgeting nervously at he stepped closer to John. "I, um... Well, you see, I need to talk. To you. About something important."
Frowning now, John swung his feet to the floor, tossing the magazine to the foot of the bed, eyes narrowing on Rodney. "Okay," he agreed, tone slightly wary as he watched McKay fidget.
Rodney swallowed hard, fingers twitching against one another as he tried to organize his thoughts. "I'm leaving," he blurted out, after a long, agonizing pause.
John blinked, just staring at Rodney for a long moment. "You're what?" he replied, off balance and pretty damn confused.
Rodney winced, and then dragged in a ragged breath, starting over. "Katie and me. Are. Leaving, that is. She's..." His hands lunged upward, fingers flailing. "She's pregnant. Can you believe that? I'm going to be a father. Me."
John continued to stare at Rodney, mind going damn near as fast as Rodney's hands. "I... Jesus," was all he could think to say.
Rodney sighed out a breath and rubbed his hands over his face. "Yeah. I know. She doesn't want to raise a child here. She says it isn't safe, with the Wraith and all. Can't say I really blame her. So, yeah. What else can I do?" He looked up at John, expression pleading with him to understand. "It's not like I want to leave. Because I don't. I really, really don't."
John nodded slowly, lifting a hand to rake it though his hair. "You have to do the responsible thing," he said at last, quietly.
"Sometimes, the responsible thing sucks," Rodney muttered, gaze dropping to the toes of his boots.
"When are you leaving?" John questioned, pushing to his feet and jamming his hands into the pockets of his BDUs, his gaze fixed on Rodney.
Not meeting his gaze, Rodney hunched his shoulders slightly. "Two days. I've already talked to Elizabeth, made the arrangements for Radek to take over as chief scientist."
"Two days?" John exploded, sudden, furious anger spiking into his gut. "What the hell, McKay!"
Rodney winced, still not meeting John's gaze. "She only told me three days ago!" he defended himself. "I wasn't sure right away what I was going to do!"
Pissed, John turned away from Rodney, pacing to the other side of his room, his spine tense. "Christ. Have you told Ronon and Teyla?" he asked, trying to get a handle on his anger, trying to tramp down on the churning nausea in his belly. Trying not to show how upset he was.
Rodney shook his head. "Not yet," he replied. "I was going to talk to them tomorrow. I'm not telling many people, Colonel. I don't want a big fuss. People can throw a party when I'm gone."
John shot him a narrow-eyed look at that, snorting. "You just don't want anyone to talk you out of it."
"No, I don't!" Rodney snapped, flushing. "Do you think I like the realization that you... that others, could talk me out of doing the right thing? What kind of person would that make me?"
John's shoulders sagged, his fury draining out of him for the moment as he blew out a ragged breath. "Yeah, I suppose you've got a point, there," he agreed, not able to argue with the truth of Rodney's statement, as much as he selfishly wanted to. "But, Christ, Rodney..."
"Yes, well. Try not to do anything horridly stupid without me around to stop you, and get yourself killed," Rodney retorted waspishly. He lifted his gaze at last to look at John, his face blotchy with emotion. "Colonel..." He paused, swallowing hard, and then spoke again. "John. I just... I... Oh, hell."
Leaning forward abruptly, Rodney pressed his lips to John's in a brief, but desperate, kiss. Pulling back, he opened his mouth to apologize, to make up some excuse for his behaviour, but before he could speak, Sheppard's hands were fisted in his t-shirt and Rodney found his back slammed into the wall beside the door.
Fully expecting that he was about to get his ass thoroughly kicked, Rodney was shocked, eyes going wide, when John's mouth came down on his. A low, ragged groan caught in his throat as his own hands came up to clutch at John's shoulders. Holy crap, could Sheppard ever kiss, he thought dazedly, parting his lips without conscious thought when he registered the demanding press of John's tongue.
John's hands released Rodney's shirt, sliding up to cup his face as he kissed him harder, hungrily, plundering Rodney's mouth as he drank him in. Rodney made an embarrassingly needy sound, hands tightening on John's shoulders, pressing his body closer, wanting more.
Without quite knowing how it happened, Rodney found himself on his back across John's bed, his fingers buried in the other man's hair, his aching erection pressed against Sheppard's hip.
He shouldn't be doing this, Rodney thought wildly as John's lips and teeth and tongue blazed a path along the side of his throat. He really, really shouldn't. Then John was looking down at him, green eyes filled with all the things he could never say, and Rodney's gut twisted as he realized fully what he was giving up in leaving Atlantis.
Rodney swallowed hard, staring up at John, his heart hammering in his chest. If he had to lose this, then damnit, he was going to have it at least once. Didn't he deserve that? Didn't John?
Shoving all thoughts of right or wrong from his mind, Rodney arched up into John, hands clutching at his shoulders as John groaned and claimed his mouth again, kissing him deeply, as if trying to brand Rodney with his mouth.
Hands seeking skin, both men tugged and yanked at their clothing, and when John's body slid against Rodney's, skin on skin, Rodney moaned raggedly. Loudly. Rodney's fingers stroked along John's back, mapping out the dips and planes of muscle and bone as they rocked against one another, pleasure coiling tightly in Rodney's belly.
Dazed by pleasure, Rodney let John roll him over, panting into the sheets, listening to the sound of John fumbling in the drawer of his nightstand. A few moments later, he made a ragged sound, pressing back eagerly as slick fingers opened him up, a keening cry spilling from him when John's fingers pressed firmly against his prostate.
"John. Oh, God, John, please..." Rodney babbled, his hands clenching and unclenching in the bedding as he pushed up on his knees, rocking back into the thrust of John's fingers. "More. I need more. Need you. Now, now, now... John, fuck me now."
John made a strangled sound, and Rodney could feel him shudder hard. "Jesus fuck," he rasped, ducking his head to press open-mouthed kisses to Rodney's lower back. "Rodney." Then John withdrew his fingers, making Rodney groan with the loss, until he felt the hot press of John's cock.
"Yes," Rodney gasped, shifting to press back against the intrusion, trying to relax his internal muscles. "In me. Need you in me, John. Now."
A choked sound was his only reply, and then John's hands were gripping his hips tightly as he thrust forward hard, driving himself into Rodney and wringing a ragged cry from both of them. Rodney tightened his fingers in the sheets, holding on, holding still, as John worked his cock into him, inch by inch, and by the time John was fully inside of him Rodney thought he was going to either explode, or pass out from the pleasure clawing through him.
Shaking with the effort, John held still for a moment, letting Rodney adjust, one hand stroking Rodney's hip. Rodney panted for a moment, groaning, and then shifted impatiently, pressing back against John, urging him to thrust. Groaning, John tightened his fingers on Rodney's hips again, and obliged him.
Hard and fast, John drove his cock into Rodney, leaning over his back, his forehead pressed against the back of Rodney's shoulder as he fucked him, sharp gasps of pleasure dragged from both their throats. Rodney didn't shut up the entire time, babbling encouragement and demands for John to fuck him harder, faster.
John slid one hand from Rodney's hip, curling his fingers around the other man's cock, jerking him in time with his thrusts. The sounds of Rodney's pleasure kicked up a notch, and John couldn't help but grin to himself when he at last reduced Rodney to wordless cries and gasps.
Rodney was beyond speaking, beyond thinking, his world reduced to John and the pleasure sparking through his body. His balls drew up, tension coiling at the base of his cock, and then it all unravelled. Shaking hard, Rodney all but howled as he came, his cock pulsing in John's fist, another wave of pleasure washing over him when he heard John cry out as well, felt the hot wash of come inside him.
Groaning, Rodney sagged to the bed, hissing when John slipped free. Snagging a t-shirt from the floor, John cleaned them both up haphazardly, and then collapsed to the bed as well. He spooned up behind Rodney, one arm encircling him, holding him in silence while he caught his breath.
Rodney remained silent as well, not sure what to say. He closed his eyes as John nuzzled his nape, a sudden swell of emotion damn near closing his throat. He didn't want to leave. Now that he knew he could have this, he wanted it desperately.
He said nothing, though, just let John hold him as his heart rate calmed and his breathing evened out. After a long while, John kissed his nape, behind his ear, the back of his shoulder, and then eased away. Rodney shifted away, easing from the bed and getting to his feet with a wince. He'd be feeling that for the next few days.
John dragged on his BDUs, and then sat on the edge of the bed, watching, as Rodney dressed in silence.
Rodney finished smoothing down his shirt, nervously, and then glanced up at John, blue eyes anguished. Before he could say anything, John stood and cupped his face in his hands, kissing him desperately, almost violently, as he tried to express with his mouth what he couldn't in words.
Then John abruptly pushed him away, stepping back a few paces. Both men were panting as they stared at one another, and Rodney looked away first. "I..." he began, but John cut him off.
"I know." John wet his lips, and then turned away. "I hope it all works out for you, Rodney. Congratulations."
Rodney stared at John's tense back, and then nodded jerkily. "Thanks. I, um, yeah. I should go. Lot of stuff to do, and, yeah. I..." He swallowed hard, and then turned to the door. "Goodbye, John," he said quietly, willing his voice not to break. As he stepped out, it took everything he had to keep from looking back.
**
THIS POLL IS NOW CLOSED. ANY FURTHER VOTES WILL NOT BE COUNTED.
Poll Vote for this story