FIC: But Not Together
Title: But Not Together
Characters/Pairing: McKay/Sheppard
Rating: PG
Word count: 551
A/N: Um, I couldn't find anything in the rules that said no angst...
Disclaimer: Not mine, just playing with them for a little while.
But Not Together
“Oh my god, what is it? What’s wrong? Something’s wrong, isn’t it? Are we under attack? Is the ZPM failing? Are we all going to die a horrible fiery death?”
John couldn’t blame Rodney for jumping to any of those conclusions. Normally he’d never show up at Rodney’s door at this time of night - they always had to be so careful not to arouse suspicion - but this time he hadn’t had a choice. Still, he didn’t really want to do this in the corridor.
“No, we’re not going to die a horrible fiery death, Rodney,” he said wearily, carefully choosing a question he could answer with the truth. He pushed past Rodney into the room, and heard the door slide thankfully shut.
“Then what? What is it? You know you shouldn’t be here. What if…”
John turned abruptly to face him. “Caldwell knows,” he said flatly, and then had five long seconds to regret his bluntness as he watched the realisation dawn on Rodney’s face.
“How?”
“I don’t know. He just does.” John ran a tired hand through his hair, hating what he had to say next, but knowing he couldn’t avoid it. “And he’s given me a chance. One chance before he tells the SGC.”
“One chance to do what?” But John could tell that Rodney already knew the answer to that question.
“I’m sorry, Rodney.”
“Oh my god. You’re going to do it, aren’t you? You’re going to let him do this.” Rodney’s voice had dropped to an anguished whisper, and it tore at John’s heart.
“I don’t have a choice.”
“That’s where you’re wrong.” Suddenly angry, Rodney’s eyes were flashing with hurt and rage as he glared at John. “You do have a choice. You’ve just made it already. You’re choosing your career over me.”
“Oh, come on, Rodney!” John was a bit angry now too. “Do you really think it’s that simple? Do you really think that if I quit the air force they’d let me stay here? No, of course they wouldn’t. Even with the precious ATA gene I’d still be shipped off back to Earth. We still wouldn’t be together.”
“I’d come with you.”
John was shocked into silence for a moment. A brief flicker of hope ignited somewhere inside him, but then, ruthlessly, he quenched it. “No, Rodney, I won’t let you do that. Atlantis needs you. Everyone else here needs you.”
“And what about what I need? What you need?”
“No,” John repeated harshly. “I’m sorry, Rodney, but this is the way it has to be. There’s nothing we can do.”
He made for the door, but Rodney grabbed his arm, trying to restrain him.
“John! Don’t do this. Please…”
Almost grudgingly, he turned back. He didn’t want to see the pain in Rodney’s eyes. He didn’t want to hear any more of Rodney’s arguments. He couldn’t allow himself to be persuaded. That wasn’t an option.
Then Rodney leaned forward and kissed him. It was full of sweetness and sorrow and desperation, and almost - almost - John allowed himself to be convinced. Surely there was a way they could still do this? Surely this wasn’t the end?
He sighed against Rodney’s lips. “No, Rodney.” Gently, he extracted his arm from Rodney’s grip. “I’m sorry.”
“John…”
He walked out the door, and didn’t look back.
Characters/Pairing: McKay/Sheppard
Rating: PG
Word count: 551
A/N: Um, I couldn't find anything in the rules that said no angst...
Disclaimer: Not mine, just playing with them for a little while.
But Not Together
“Oh my god, what is it? What’s wrong? Something’s wrong, isn’t it? Are we under attack? Is the ZPM failing? Are we all going to die a horrible fiery death?”
John couldn’t blame Rodney for jumping to any of those conclusions. Normally he’d never show up at Rodney’s door at this time of night - they always had to be so careful not to arouse suspicion - but this time he hadn’t had a choice. Still, he didn’t really want to do this in the corridor.
“No, we’re not going to die a horrible fiery death, Rodney,” he said wearily, carefully choosing a question he could answer with the truth. He pushed past Rodney into the room, and heard the door slide thankfully shut.
“Then what? What is it? You know you shouldn’t be here. What if…”
John turned abruptly to face him. “Caldwell knows,” he said flatly, and then had five long seconds to regret his bluntness as he watched the realisation dawn on Rodney’s face.
“How?”
“I don’t know. He just does.” John ran a tired hand through his hair, hating what he had to say next, but knowing he couldn’t avoid it. “And he’s given me a chance. One chance before he tells the SGC.”
“One chance to do what?” But John could tell that Rodney already knew the answer to that question.
“I’m sorry, Rodney.”
“Oh my god. You’re going to do it, aren’t you? You’re going to let him do this.” Rodney’s voice had dropped to an anguished whisper, and it tore at John’s heart.
“I don’t have a choice.”
“That’s where you’re wrong.” Suddenly angry, Rodney’s eyes were flashing with hurt and rage as he glared at John. “You do have a choice. You’ve just made it already. You’re choosing your career over me.”
“Oh, come on, Rodney!” John was a bit angry now too. “Do you really think it’s that simple? Do you really think that if I quit the air force they’d let me stay here? No, of course they wouldn’t. Even with the precious ATA gene I’d still be shipped off back to Earth. We still wouldn’t be together.”
“I’d come with you.”
John was shocked into silence for a moment. A brief flicker of hope ignited somewhere inside him, but then, ruthlessly, he quenched it. “No, Rodney, I won’t let you do that. Atlantis needs you. Everyone else here needs you.”
“And what about what I need? What you need?”
“No,” John repeated harshly. “I’m sorry, Rodney, but this is the way it has to be. There’s nothing we can do.”
He made for the door, but Rodney grabbed his arm, trying to restrain him.
“John! Don’t do this. Please…”
Almost grudgingly, he turned back. He didn’t want to see the pain in Rodney’s eyes. He didn’t want to hear any more of Rodney’s arguments. He couldn’t allow himself to be persuaded. That wasn’t an option.
Then Rodney leaned forward and kissed him. It was full of sweetness and sorrow and desperation, and almost - almost - John allowed himself to be convinced. Surely there was a way they could still do this? Surely this wasn’t the end?
He sighed against Rodney’s lips. “No, Rodney.” Gently, he extracted his arm from Rodney’s grip. “I’m sorry.”
“John…”
He walked out the door, and didn’t look back.