On friends and fear......

[meadwench]

I recently received an email from a friend that I haven't seen in over a year. We used to speak frequently via email, and sometimes on the phone. I treasure this friend, and love him a lot. Like me, he's married and has a family

Comments

[shadowblasko]

*feels your pain*

Yeah, I've had to ditch relationships that probably would have worked out well, except they could not handle the fact that I was still close with some of my ex's.

Hell, I have dinner with them occasionally, and still chat all the time.

It's wierd how people expect you to just mark someone out of your life that you have shared so much with. Especially when some of those people have so much insight into who you are, what you do, and why things happen in your life.

I dunno what to tell you. I have the same problems. Friends that have to hide the fact that they are still friends with me after a relationship ended. (or, just a long term flirtation, that was always enjoyed, but never acted upon.)

Wish I could offer you some advice, but I have not figured it out myself.

[faireraven]

I wish I could help, but I don't know the answer myself. Most of the time I've been on your side of things... You know you're not a threat, he knows you're not a threat, but convincing his wife is sometimes another question...

*HUGS*

[zenturbo]

It sounds like she has some insecurities that she needs to work out. No matter who says it to her how many times, she isn't going to believe it until she conquers her inner demons.

[anonymisty]

{{{{{{hugs}}}}}

I, too, have a very close male friend (from my writing circle). But his live-in despises me. One weekend we were at a writing conference in Georgia, and the bunch of us were geting ready to go out for dinner. But when the live-in found out I was going alng, she insisted my friend take her somewhere else, just the two of them.

Can you stay in touch with your friend via email? I know it's nothing like being in the same space, seeing each other and talking face to face, but maybe after a while, the family will relax.

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this sort of nonsense. Life is too short and sweet to limit who our friends are.

[capi]

((( hugs ))) We were just discussing this last week. I've been in that identical situation a number of times and simply cannot fathom why women *insist* on being jealous where there is no cause.

I wish i could help, lass. There is nothing for it but to walk on thru and hope for healing for all.

((( hugs )))

[starcat_jewel]

Sadly, sometimes there is cause -- and it's not always possible to tell the difference between a relationship which is a danger and one which isn't until it's too late. My ex always had female friends, and I always had male ones, and neither of us were bothered by it. Then one of those female friends took advantage of a low point in the marriage... and that's why he's now her husband. And oh boy, does she keep him on a tight leash (according to mutual friends with whom he's still in contact) -- she's not going to give anyone else a chance to do to her what she did to me!

But y'know, I haven't let that change my attitude. My current partner is still on friendly terms with both of his exes, and I am too, to the point where if Ex-1 calls and he's not home, we'll chat for a while instead. The way I feel about it is, if I can't trust my partner, keeping him on a short chain isn't going to make him any more trustworthy