commin app essay

Nov 13, 2002 11:29

ok, so here's one of my essays...i'm including the prompt and the essay, which i know sucks like whoa...if anybody has the time, can ya edit it and make it make sense? if you don't, don't worry about it, i'll figure it out. but if you're not too busy with other dstuff, i'd appreciate the help...danke :o ( Read more... )

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Comments 7

sparkleznglittr November 13 2002, 11:48:21 UTC
haha dude thatz like xactly like one of my essayz form last year.

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spiralstar November 13 2002, 15:41:30 UTC
ditto to that.

oh god. we're sad, aren't we?

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sarriepoot November 13 2002, 18:03:39 UTC
same here yo...same here...

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carnival_ending November 13 2002, 16:52:56 UTC
Muy Bueno! I can picture half of the Marching Band's essays sounding like something similar to that, but it rocks. Some paralell errors (aah, look what Abel has done to me! I notice this stuff), but I am sure a run through edit would get rid of those in a Jiff. Has a great personal touch to it, I like it Jessi. Post the finished version too ok? ^_^

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mornin' whosah November 13 2002, 17:05:56 UTC
(i'm in italics)

On the first day of ninth grade, I walked in to a homeroom of thirty-some [i think there's a dash here] faces. Of those faces, I recognized only a few, and was friends with only one - Tara. I had met her at marching band camp during the two weeks prior to school. [you said something, then which, then whom, and it made it sound run-on. i changed it a little to show to break it up, but you can do it however you want.] Every morning for the ten minutes prior to first period, which I also had with Tara, [do you need this? you don't mention 1st pd. anywhere else] we would sit and talk about whatever came into our heads on that particular morning. Now that I am a senior, I look around and see that nearly all of my friends have stemmed from the Marching Band. We spend three [should write out small numbers for college] hours after school together every day during the fall, more when there was a football game or [i took out the second "a" here] competition. Marching [i think marching band shouldn't be capitalised unless ( ... )

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Re: mornin' meandringdreams November 13 2002, 19:40:22 UTC
danke much whosa, cuz somebody needed to edit it, and everyone else seemed to be preoccupied with telling me it was goo...not that thats a bad thing, cause i enjoy being told something i did is good, but it also needed to be torn apart, and so thanks :o)

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Re: mornin' whosah November 14 2002, 15:23:05 UTC
sure, no problem. yeah, i noticed how they all just said "hey, sounds familiar!" (which it does - haha). love ya (-:

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