Day 14: NCIS, Dr. McNo, for the HC Bingo prompt Panic Attacks
Title: Dr. McNo
Fandom: NCIS
Rating: G
Characters/pairings: McGee, Tony, Abby, Ziva, Gibbs
Warnings (including spoilers): None
Wordcount: 653 words
Author’s note: Because I’ve had the worst writer’s block ever on writing a story without using the prompt as a joke, this strangeness must fill my hc_bingo square for ‘Panic attacks’. Also, I know nothing about Bond past 5 minutes on Wikipedia reading about George Lazenby, who seems like an interesting fellow, so any mistakes are from lack of effort.
Summary: McGee has an evil plan.
[*]
McGee surreptitiously wiped his palms on his pants as he descended from MTAC. Over the last few years, he’d gotten much more confident at speaking to high-ranking officers and politicians, and with attractive women, but… he wasn’t so good when the two groups overlapped. He could only hope the Undersecretary wasn’t laughing at him too much.
As he looked down over Team Gibbs’ desks, a crafty smile spread across McGee’s face as he considered how to make himself feel better. One of Tony’s old frat brothers was in town, and the senior field agent had been making McGee cover his paperwork while he slept of all-nighter James Bond marathons.
McGee’s revenge coalesced in his head. Tony was dozing at his desk for the third time this week, and this time, Gibbs would catch his right hand man in a compromising position. The boss had left on a coffee run just before McGee went up to MTAC, and if he timed this right…
[*]
The elevator door dinged. McGee casually hit the spacebar on his keyboard and a klaxon blared loudly enough to turn heads from around the room. Tony burst to his feet and delivered a frantic kick to the filing cabinet beside his desk, sending it to the ground with a huge crash.
Abby, halfway from the elevator to the team’s space, shrieked and brandished her hippo like a shield.
[*]
Although everyone blamed Tony for the disruption, the senior field agent had made McGee clean up the scattered files from the last two months of the team’s busts. Grumbling as Gibbs returned and made a tongue-in-cheek comment about their work ethic, McGee swore his revenge.
[*]
Two days later, McGee hadn’t left his desk in four hours and desperately needed the toilet, but it was worth it: Tony had fallen asleep again and Gibbs was on his way back from interviewing a witness from their current case. And if his plan to embarrass Tony in front of the boss didn’t work this time, he’d already found a new lead on the case while Tony had been in la-la land. McGee was very satisfied with himself.
As the elevator dinged, McGee tapped his smart phone and a small firecracker went off under Tony’s desk. Leaping to his feet with a fearsome cry, Tony flung his Mickey Mouse stapler ahead of him like a throwing knife, and it smashed into the wall just in front of the elevator, where Ziva was disembarking. The probationary agent had her handgun pointed at the source of the projectile before Tony’s shout was finished.
[*]
While Tony and Ziva bickered over whether all the James Bond movies were giving Tony a spy complex, McGee waited anxiously for the boss to return for real. He had one last trick up his sleeve, and this time, Tony would be utterly humiliated.
At that moment, the elevator doors opened and Gibbs strode toward them. Just as Gibbs snapped out a demand for information, McGee hit the remote that controlled the monitor behind Gibbs’ desk. Bond’s climactic fight music filled the air and Tony was crouched behind his desk, handgun aimed at his boss before any of them knew what was happening.
[*]
After a lecture from Gibbs at the top of his voice and the application of a few severe-looking headslaps, Tony was sent home to sleep off the marathons and set some clear boundaries with his old friend. McGee presented his lead smugly and got an approving nod from Gibbs.
McGee felt like a villian whose evil plans had succeeded. He was on top of the world.
As the elevator dinged again, McGee’s eyes were drawn unconsciously to the metal doors. Tony’s calm, collected gaze promised bloody vengeance until the doors slid shut between them
McGee gulped. Maybe the Bond villain wasn’t the best character to be.
My HC Bingo Card