Day 15: RPF/Meta, Don't Even Read This Story, for five HC Bingo prompts
Title: Don’t Even Read This Story
Fandom: RPF? Meta? IDFK
Rating: …T?
Characters/pairings: Me/my friend’s boyfriend, my friend/her boyfriend, demon!baby
Warnings (including spoilers): See title. Also, spoilers for Breaking Dawn, of Twilight fame, and Torchwood season 1 episode 13, End of Time.
Wordcount: 695 words
Author’s note: This started off as funny, and then just… see title. Written for the hc_bingo rompts ‘Loss of identity’, ‘Difficult pregnancy’, ‘Magical trouble’, ‘Cuddling for warmth’ and ‘Depression’.
Summary: You think I'm kidding with the title, you think it's funny. It's not. It's very serious.
[*]
I want to say from the very beginning that none of this was my fault. Like that time I was watching the episode of Misfits where that guy controlled milk, and it just so happened that I spilled milk all over my laptop. Like, there’s no way that was a coincidence.
Duh.
And that’s just one precedent. There are more. Just because I can’t think of any right now doesn’t make me any less right.
So magic coming out of a Merlin episode and making me pregnant? Totally feasible.
You see, magic works in mysterious ways, as I learned from Eragon. You can be totally chilling, maybe just casually thinking about how hot your friend’s boyfriend is, and just because you marathoned an entire season of Merlin that day, you give him a quick hug, and bam.
Don’t tell me that’s not how babies are made, I saw it on Disney.
[*]
Five months later, I’m really starting to hate this being pregnant thing. It makes going to class really tough, for one. Like, even though my school is pretty liberal, you still don’t see too many students waddling around pregnant. I get weird looks, and I try to tell them ‘hey, I’m not a slut, I’m just into fantasy tv,’ and… well, I made some new Whovian friends, so I guess that’s worth everyone thinking I’m crazy.
But seriously. Merlin got me pregnant.
And I miss working out. Not that I was an extreme sports person before this, but I did get off my ass occasionally, and I can’t even jog to class without looking like an utter arse (thanks Whovians) with this kid inside me. Not to mention all the pregnancy workouts are really weird.
And don’t even get me started on my dating life.
Speaking of which, my friend didn’t really believe that her boyfriend got me pregnant by magically enhanced hugging, so I’m not even allowed to go watch his soccer games anymore, because, like, I’ll probably get pregnant with him again or something. My life sucks.
[*]
Dude, my life totally sucks! I’m pretty sure this kid is talking to me from the womb, like Bella Swan’s daughter could communicate with her father, except that would make me Cedric Diggory, and I’m totally a Ravenclaw, just saying. But, like, I can hear this voice sometimes, and it sounds like Audrey II from Little Shop of Horrors. It’s just constantly hungry. I’m convinced my baby is a vampire, and not the hot sort, like Spike or Angel. That totally makes me, like, the walking breeding tank of the end of humanity. Who am I?!?!?!?!?!?!
[*]
So, I’m sorta flunking all my classes. I tried to tell my teachers that I was being eaten from the inside out and couldn’t possibly finish all my papers that way, but, again, no one believed me. Why is it so difficult to believe that a child created by magic could have some mythological powers? I mean, Arthur totally killed his mother when he was conceived. Oh my God, am I going to die in childbirth? Is my kid going to kill all the magic users? What’s the point of me? WAHHHHH!!!!!
[*]
Feeling wicked relieved right now, baby’s gone. Not like, outside my body now, but, like, gone. My friend’s boyfriend ( the one who got me here in the first place, remember? Totally his fault for hugging me. And Merlin’s.) realized I was feeling a bit down, and he found me contemplating the meaning of my life in the walk-in freezer in my dorm and hugged me again for a while because I was really cold, and then the baby vanished. Like, poof!
And it’s like the last few months never happened! My friend isn’t pissed at me and her boyfriend for having a baby (still was totally not my fault, can I restate?), I have zero stretch marks, and nobody remembers I was ever pregnant! It’s just like on Torchwood, except it’s my social life that’s back instead of a bunch of people who got killed by a giant Greek myth gone British.
Too bad time reverting couldn’t have saved my grades, too.
My HC Bingo Card