The Ballad of SuNiAriOlet
Hear ye friends! On this, the 20th day of May in the Year of Our Lord 2012 it is my Happy Privilege to recount a Tale of a Battle Most Glorious!
Gaily did we travel south along the Kings Road to attend a Festive Recreation of the story of Robin in the Hood...and to eat turkey legs and drink lemonade. Upon our arrival in the festive Cow Pasture of Medieval Gathering did we make our tithe to propitiate the gods of Calling the Police Because We Didn't Pay to Get In. Once inside we happened upon an aged crone with a Bird both Large and Brightly Plumed! Yeah, it was a macaw and it liked your humble story teller, aww, it was sweet.
Range did we through the LABYRINTHINE PASSAGE OF VENDORS until we chanced upon a Sockey. Little do you know, True Believer, that SuNiAriOlet WEARS SOCKS! A vendor from most southern climes, sufficient to call for the utterance of "Y'all" and really mean it, blessed of Virtuous Eye and Unequaled perception score noted that SuNiAriOlet is both Tall and possessed of a Proportionate Torso! Verily, it was confirmed for us when he pointed it out. Chagrined was he as we exited, his lack of tact torpedoing his sock sales as a wolf pack might send allied supply ships to the Briny Depths.
Boldly did SuNiAriOlet and her bard (that's me) stride forward to be met only by the challenges of Yon Skeevey Rennie Guy of Yore(henceforth YKRGOY). "Sure Not! He didn't challenge such a jovial, squidly bard such as yourself?!" I hear your very thoughts! NAY! He challenged Herself, SuNiAriOlet!! Amused we travelled on.
Thus did we meet with our friends Queen Hillaria and her companion Miss B. Unto the rat show we meandered, also, WOO RATS!
Loop again past Yon Skeeviy Rennie of Yore aaaaaaand AGAIN DID HE CHALLENEGE SuNiAriOlet!!! Temperance and patience her Hallmark, we travelled on.
Her Grace would not last. Finally moved unto action by this cur's challenges did she enter the ring of battle.
Okay gang, you can pay people to spar with boffer weapons at faires now? Neat!
As she entered the circle of battle, Perceptive as Always Gabriel Drew is Breath and Readied His Fateful Horn.
"So, Milady (gag, really dude? really?) shall I take it easy on you because you're a woman?"
(Insert Gabriel blowing his horn here, queue the apocalypse. Also SuNiAriOlet made a face of such "kiss my grits, rennie dink wad" that even the marshal of the fight commented that it might has been unwise to utter such drivel. Our heroine readied her weapon, YSKRGOY readied his. "That's CHEATY!!" shrieked the whiny girly combatant. Yup. YSKRGOY (henceforth d-bag) had fallen prey to a PERFECTLY executed thrust to the chest. Suck it chucklehead. A best of 5 competition the score rapidly was 3-0 in favor of Our Heroine. However, this particular differed from the 5 hit style she was used to. This was to the touch, and then reset. Weak sauce. D-bag offered up the comedic "why is it I always lose to the ladies" that fell utterly flat as the audience knew he was outclassed. 3-1 the score. 3-2. 4-2. It was here that D-bag finally seemed to understand that his gangling slime attack kept falling short because our heroine had an easy 6 inch reach advantage on him. His defense became more frantic.
4-3. 4-4. Here I must note, True Believers, that SuNiAriOlet is a gracious combatant, whereas D-bag was living up to his name. The marshal, clearly interested in saving what face his friend had remaining, awarded the 4-3, 4-4 after asking D-bag who had landed their hit first. I tell you now, SHENANIGANS. The fight was over, it should have been score 5-2. Flat out.
4-4.
"Last point M'lady" (Insert a Stealthy Nod from SuNiAriOlet here) D-bag began to mutter some other cliche ren drek when just like that it was over. 5-4, SuNiAriOlet(aka TheStealthyOne). Boom. She bested D-bag like a champ. Here's the honey coating on it, throughout the day anyone else (read: children or guys) who defeated ToolShedJoe was knighted. Not so for SuNiAriOlet. Perhaps his fragile Ren-ego couldn't handle being face punched by a girl. In front of an audience. That cheered her on. Ha!
Gaily did we travel south along the Kings Road to attend a Festive Recreation of the story of Robin in the Hood...and to eat turkey legs and drink lemonade. Upon our arrival in the festive Cow Pasture of Medieval Gathering did we make our tithe to propitiate the gods of Calling the Police Because We Didn't Pay to Get In. Once inside we happened upon an aged crone with a Bird both Large and Brightly Plumed! Yeah, it was a macaw and it liked your humble story teller, aww, it was sweet.
Range did we through the LABYRINTHINE PASSAGE OF VENDORS until we chanced upon a Sockey. Little do you know, True Believer, that SuNiAriOlet WEARS SOCKS! A vendor from most southern climes, sufficient to call for the utterance of "Y'all" and really mean it, blessed of Virtuous Eye and Unequaled perception score noted that SuNiAriOlet is both Tall and possessed of a Proportionate Torso! Verily, it was confirmed for us when he pointed it out. Chagrined was he as we exited, his lack of tact torpedoing his sock sales as a wolf pack might send allied supply ships to the Briny Depths.
Boldly did SuNiAriOlet and her bard (that's me) stride forward to be met only by the challenges of Yon Skeevey Rennie Guy of Yore(henceforth YKRGOY). "Sure Not! He didn't challenge such a jovial, squidly bard such as yourself?!" I hear your very thoughts! NAY! He challenged Herself, SuNiAriOlet!! Amused we travelled on.
Thus did we meet with our friends Queen Hillaria and her companion Miss B. Unto the rat show we meandered, also, WOO RATS!
Loop again past Yon Skeeviy Rennie of Yore aaaaaaand AGAIN DID HE CHALLENEGE SuNiAriOlet!!! Temperance and patience her Hallmark, we travelled on.
Her Grace would not last. Finally moved unto action by this cur's challenges did she enter the ring of battle.
Okay gang, you can pay people to spar with boffer weapons at faires now? Neat!
As she entered the circle of battle, Perceptive as Always Gabriel Drew is Breath and Readied His Fateful Horn.
"So, Milady (gag, really dude? really?) shall I take it easy on you because you're a woman?"
(Insert Gabriel blowing his horn here, queue the apocalypse. Also SuNiAriOlet made a face of such "kiss my grits, rennie dink wad" that even the marshal of the fight commented that it might has been unwise to utter such drivel. Our heroine readied her weapon, YSKRGOY readied his. "That's CHEATY!!" shrieked the whiny girly combatant. Yup. YSKRGOY (henceforth d-bag) had fallen prey to a PERFECTLY executed thrust to the chest. Suck it chucklehead. A best of 5 competition the score rapidly was 3-0 in favor of Our Heroine. However, this particular differed from the 5 hit style she was used to. This was to the touch, and then reset. Weak sauce. D-bag offered up the comedic "why is it I always lose to the ladies" that fell utterly flat as the audience knew he was outclassed. 3-1 the score. 3-2. 4-2. It was here that D-bag finally seemed to understand that his gangling slime attack kept falling short because our heroine had an easy 6 inch reach advantage on him. His defense became more frantic.
4-3. 4-4. Here I must note, True Believers, that SuNiAriOlet is a gracious combatant, whereas D-bag was living up to his name. The marshal, clearly interested in saving what face his friend had remaining, awarded the 4-3, 4-4 after asking D-bag who had landed their hit first. I tell you now, SHENANIGANS. The fight was over, it should have been score 5-2. Flat out.
4-4.
"Last point M'lady" (Insert a Stealthy Nod from SuNiAriOlet here) D-bag began to mutter some other cliche ren drek when just like that it was over. 5-4, SuNiAriOlet(aka TheStealthyOne). Boom. She bested D-bag like a champ. Here's the honey coating on it, throughout the day anyone else (read: children or guys) who defeated ToolShedJoe was knighted. Not so for SuNiAriOlet. Perhaps his fragile Ren-ego couldn't handle being face punched by a girl. In front of an audience. That cheered her on. Ha!