You Say You Want Your Freedom
Well, we just got the promo as I was trying to wrap this up, so it's a little choppier than I'd hoped.
But it's somewhat fluffy, so there ya go.
"Noelle? Do you have a minute?"
The senior officer is alone in the change room, last one out of her uniform tonight. She's moving at a languid pace, letting her muscles stretch when her arms slip out of her shirt, standing slowly after bending down to untie her boots.
Everything is nice and easy, slow and steady.
The lights seem a little dimmer today, but it's only because of how bright it is outside. But the dark blue lockers are creating a - almost a dark alcove of safety. Of tranquility.
She watches as Andy approaches, look of uncertainty in her eyes, but she offers Noelle a smile, and takes more disjointed steps to the bench where she's resting.
Andy's body movement is a little awkward, but everything about that rookie is awkward, so Noelle just goes back to tying up her running shoes.
"What do you need McNally?" She asks, a little irritated, but Andy will know what that's about.
Today was a tough day.
Andy wrings her wrists a little, slowly, trying to keep a more composed facade, but Noelle's known her a while now. She's nervous - but that's often her nature when she's in uncharted territory - it's that she's uncertain. That's what Noelle doesn't like.
"Andy? Are you alright?" Noelle asks again, much softer. Motherly instinct taking over.
If her twenty five year old self could see her now...
"Yes, no, I'm fine. I'm fine." Andy smiles a little and it's genuine and Noelle relaxes.
There's no tension between them as Andy leans her shoulders against the nearest row of lockers, feet a little out from under her. Noelle just sits and watches, thinks about the time ticking by. Time that could be spent getting home. But her curiosity has her pinned to that bench, waiting.
"C'mon Andy, everybody's gone. Just you and me, what's going on?"
Andy shakes her head a bit and Noelle feels the brush off coming.
"Andy."
Andy's head falls back against the lockers, and she inhales deeply, and Noelle gives her whatever time she needs to get the words out, worry climbing with every passing second.
"I was wondering... if it's harder."
Noelle's confused, and her eyebrows draw closely together and while the questions finding her lips, Andy realizes she hasn't clarified enough.
"I mean having a kid, and doing this. Did it get harder? You know, to take the uniform off?"
Noelle relaxes when she realizes that this isn't anything more serious, that Andy's only afraid of the personal inquiry.
She thinks briefly of why she didn't go to Traci, but she had Leo when her career began, she already had a balance somewhat figured out. She had loyalty to her son above all else. For Noelle, it was a switch.
Watching Andy watch her, Noelle smiles a bit, nodding her head in contemplation. Wondering what she can say to make her understand.
She likes all her rookies. Always had a soft spot for Nash, even Epstein, though he gave her the run around. McNally... she never got for many shifts, she wasn't a critical part of her training. Sam and Oliver coveted her, a little - a lot. Especially Sam, and she always knew why.
Got her first dose at retrain. She just wanted to know what happened between the bounce in his step with the extra coffee and getting onto the mat.
And now McNally wants to know if being a cop with a child is harder.
Noelle's trying to conceal her smile at the thought of Sam being the father of a new born. Dishevelled and out of sorts, loading up on coffee at the start of every shift, see him falling asleep at his desk, come to work with spit up on his shirt.
"Some days, yeah, it's harder. Days when kids go missing, or a child's body is found. Victims of bullying, or school lock downs.
Domestics, like today - it feels personal."
She's frank. As always, but she watches the younger woman's face carefully. Doesn't want to snuff whatever she's dreaming up.
Despite wanting her to stay optimistic, Noelle watches Andy's face fall a little and looks to her own wide open locker. A photo of Olivia and Frank at the park, both smiling down on her. She has trouble fighting off a smile of her own. It's why she keeps it there.
Frank standing tall, balancing their girl on his shoulders, her toddler fists grabbing his hair tight.
Tough days work, stress building up, her little girl helps bring it down.
"You know - I keep this photo of Liv up here, so it's the first and last thing I think of when I'm here. That helps."
Andy nods but Noelle can tell the ideas that she was having, they're slipping and she's thinking they're better off staying dreams. The careful reminder that she's also tampering with Sam's future comes to mind and she tries to sort her head out a little more, keep Andy on the path she's on.
"I guess I'm just scared it'll be overwhelming." Andy sighs, trying not to burden Noelle with all her inner turmoil, but get the answers she's seeking at the same time.
Noelle considers it briefly - thinks back to the scene today. Older boy with two young sisters. His cheek bruised, their small bodies shaking any time anyone in a uniform tried to approach. Until
Claire got to the scene. That has to be playing on Andy's doubt too.
So Noelle stops trying to deliver what the young woman wants to hear.
"Look. It can be terrifying, but it also reminds you why you do the job. You want your kid to be safe, and doing this, it's reassurance.
There's nothing I love more than my daughter, and it's the best thing I ever did. That's what I remember when I'm on my way home."
The silence that follows becomes a little easier than the one prior, and Noelle watches Andy's face lift a little, and the day dream take over again. And she feels like a good colleague. But there's more she wants to impart - unsure if it crosses the line.
It's McNally though. Noelle's not sure it'd even register.
"If it helps, I think you'll be great parents."
Andy's mouth stretches, teeth just starting to show when she shakes her head and clear her throat. Probably melts her to imagine a dimpled Sammy rocking a new born baby in his arms. Noelle can't help but smile imagining it too. She wants that for her friend.
"Thanks Noelle." Andy smiles, looking more relaxed than when she'd entered.
As much as it's killing her to ask if she is already, well, with child, or if it's just a near future dream, she doesn't. She just picks up her bag and makes her past the rookie to the door.
"Oh, and since you're not into wasting time these days... remember there is a clock on this." Noelle laughs.
Andy chuckles too, unable to keep her smile back at the cheeky remark.
"Get out of here." Andy laughs, following her out.
And she's quite eager to. All Noelle wants to do is go home, kiss her sleeping daughter, and pour herself a glass of wine and curl up on the couch with Frank.
But it's somewhat fluffy, so there ya go.
"Noelle? Do you have a minute?"
The senior officer is alone in the change room, last one out of her uniform tonight. She's moving at a languid pace, letting her muscles stretch when her arms slip out of her shirt, standing slowly after bending down to untie her boots.
Everything is nice and easy, slow and steady.
The lights seem a little dimmer today, but it's only because of how bright it is outside. But the dark blue lockers are creating a - almost a dark alcove of safety. Of tranquility.
She watches as Andy approaches, look of uncertainty in her eyes, but she offers Noelle a smile, and takes more disjointed steps to the bench where she's resting.
Andy's body movement is a little awkward, but everything about that rookie is awkward, so Noelle just goes back to tying up her running shoes.
"What do you need McNally?" She asks, a little irritated, but Andy will know what that's about.
Today was a tough day.
Andy wrings her wrists a little, slowly, trying to keep a more composed facade, but Noelle's known her a while now. She's nervous - but that's often her nature when she's in uncharted territory - it's that she's uncertain. That's what Noelle doesn't like.
"Andy? Are you alright?" Noelle asks again, much softer. Motherly instinct taking over.
If her twenty five year old self could see her now...
"Yes, no, I'm fine. I'm fine." Andy smiles a little and it's genuine and Noelle relaxes.
There's no tension between them as Andy leans her shoulders against the nearest row of lockers, feet a little out from under her. Noelle just sits and watches, thinks about the time ticking by. Time that could be spent getting home. But her curiosity has her pinned to that bench, waiting.
"C'mon Andy, everybody's gone. Just you and me, what's going on?"
Andy shakes her head a bit and Noelle feels the brush off coming.
"Andy."
Andy's head falls back against the lockers, and she inhales deeply, and Noelle gives her whatever time she needs to get the words out, worry climbing with every passing second.
"I was wondering... if it's harder."
Noelle's confused, and her eyebrows draw closely together and while the questions finding her lips, Andy realizes she hasn't clarified enough.
"I mean having a kid, and doing this. Did it get harder? You know, to take the uniform off?"
Noelle relaxes when she realizes that this isn't anything more serious, that Andy's only afraid of the personal inquiry.
She thinks briefly of why she didn't go to Traci, but she had Leo when her career began, she already had a balance somewhat figured out. She had loyalty to her son above all else. For Noelle, it was a switch.
Watching Andy watch her, Noelle smiles a bit, nodding her head in contemplation. Wondering what she can say to make her understand.
She likes all her rookies. Always had a soft spot for Nash, even Epstein, though he gave her the run around. McNally... she never got for many shifts, she wasn't a critical part of her training. Sam and Oliver coveted her, a little - a lot. Especially Sam, and she always knew why.
Got her first dose at retrain. She just wanted to know what happened between the bounce in his step with the extra coffee and getting onto the mat.
And now McNally wants to know if being a cop with a child is harder.
Noelle's trying to conceal her smile at the thought of Sam being the father of a new born. Dishevelled and out of sorts, loading up on coffee at the start of every shift, see him falling asleep at his desk, come to work with spit up on his shirt.
"Some days, yeah, it's harder. Days when kids go missing, or a child's body is found. Victims of bullying, or school lock downs.
Domestics, like today - it feels personal."
She's frank. As always, but she watches the younger woman's face carefully. Doesn't want to snuff whatever she's dreaming up.
Despite wanting her to stay optimistic, Noelle watches Andy's face fall a little and looks to her own wide open locker. A photo of Olivia and Frank at the park, both smiling down on her. She has trouble fighting off a smile of her own. It's why she keeps it there.
Frank standing tall, balancing their girl on his shoulders, her toddler fists grabbing his hair tight.
Tough days work, stress building up, her little girl helps bring it down.
"You know - I keep this photo of Liv up here, so it's the first and last thing I think of when I'm here. That helps."
Andy nods but Noelle can tell the ideas that she was having, they're slipping and she's thinking they're better off staying dreams. The careful reminder that she's also tampering with Sam's future comes to mind and she tries to sort her head out a little more, keep Andy on the path she's on.
"I guess I'm just scared it'll be overwhelming." Andy sighs, trying not to burden Noelle with all her inner turmoil, but get the answers she's seeking at the same time.
Noelle considers it briefly - thinks back to the scene today. Older boy with two young sisters. His cheek bruised, their small bodies shaking any time anyone in a uniform tried to approach. Until
Claire got to the scene. That has to be playing on Andy's doubt too.
So Noelle stops trying to deliver what the young woman wants to hear.
"Look. It can be terrifying, but it also reminds you why you do the job. You want your kid to be safe, and doing this, it's reassurance.
There's nothing I love more than my daughter, and it's the best thing I ever did. That's what I remember when I'm on my way home."
The silence that follows becomes a little easier than the one prior, and Noelle watches Andy's face lift a little, and the day dream take over again. And she feels like a good colleague. But there's more she wants to impart - unsure if it crosses the line.
It's McNally though. Noelle's not sure it'd even register.
"If it helps, I think you'll be great parents."
Andy's mouth stretches, teeth just starting to show when she shakes her head and clear her throat. Probably melts her to imagine a dimpled Sammy rocking a new born baby in his arms. Noelle can't help but smile imagining it too. She wants that for her friend.
"Thanks Noelle." Andy smiles, looking more relaxed than when she'd entered.
As much as it's killing her to ask if she is already, well, with child, or if it's just a near future dream, she doesn't. She just picks up her bag and makes her past the rookie to the door.
"Oh, and since you're not into wasting time these days... remember there is a clock on this." Noelle laughs.
Andy chuckles too, unable to keep her smile back at the cheeky remark.
"Get out of here." Andy laughs, following her out.
And she's quite eager to. All Noelle wants to do is go home, kiss her sleeping daughter, and pour herself a glass of wine and curl up on the couch with Frank.