i miss you like something fierce. for whatever that's worth. i love you, jbird. always. i wish i could get my shit together long enough to fucking call you back but i'm so goddamned busy all the sldf;adhfjdhfoiuqwrhfucking time. i want to squeeze you. i'm scared that i'm going to miss you entirely due to japan. i want to throw up thinking of that possibility.
i'm gonna hold it against you if i don't see you when i come back. is that dick-like? maybe i couldn't hold up to that, but damnit.i don't know. i really seriously miss you and i really need to see you even for like 10 minutes and i'm practically having a breakdown typing this. i keep on thinking of things i ought to say right now and there's much too much so i can't and i might never be able to but still i have to see you ok ok ok ok ? consider this me begging any force or factor in life i know i don't want to guilt trip you but i essentially am but i feel like i'm losing my mind at this particular moment in time ok i'll shut up and calm down in a second sometimes i think i'm going to have a stroke i swear i'm not as crazy or bad or drunk or anything as i sound but yes it would greatly improve the quality of my life if i at least caught sight of you even it were you waving goodbye from a window i don't even fucking care so yes that is the point of all this madness
ahh. this is the message you meant. i hadn't seen it until just now. so you know, i don't think you're crazy. and anyway, if you're nuts, we're both pecans. everything will be okay for you and for me. i know this, or i have to tell myself i know this because it hurts to believe anything less. we'll figure things out eventually. i want eventually to come sooner than it probably will. i guess that last part stopped being optimistic. i don't really know what to say. we think the same things.
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