This is a digest of stuff I've written recently about the NS. I decided I wanted to put it all in one place, and I'll probably update it as and when
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If I'm honest with people about what happened I'm seen as damaged, but if I'm going to have a relationship with someone I don't want to lie.
If we are all completely honest about ourselves, we must admit that we are all, in some way, "damaged". We cannot escape this fact. You are not a victim, you are a survivor, and that makes you STRONG, dammit. Living through what you've endured, well, that makes you stronger than many others who've had different life experiences. This - I will not lie down and take it, and I refuse to let one bad relationship define me. I am more than that. - proves it.
You will continue to be strong, and you will continue to survive. Be glad. Rejoice in your new knowledge, and enjoy knowing that you will never subject yourself to such a bastard again. It was all part of your learning curve, or maybe it was YOUR plaster and sandpaper - the things which had to go into making the person you are and the person you love.
I am in awe of the depth of the self-examination you are doing.
And personally I would not trade the knowledge that my life experiences and scars have given me for all the innocence in the world. Innocence is highly overrated.
I had a very vague knowledge of personality disorders. What I saw was someone who was lazy, self-indulgent, full of grandiose ideas and talk, inclined to tantrums and an inveterate gambler. Mea culpa, because I didn't think it mattered. What mattered to me was that I thought he loved me and it was a relationship for life. Can we say co-dependant? I thought that as I'd helped and supported him that he would do the same for me when I got into difficulties. No chance. As soon as my life got difficult he was off, lying through his teeth as he did it. I was left totally bewildered, and if he hadn't left an evidence trail I still would be.
I'm glad to see your outlook. You're not defined by your relationships or who you're friends with for that matter. You know what you are, obviously, and with some time, your mindset will change as well.
Once that does, that'll bring good men into your life, which will be long and happy. :)
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If we are all completely honest about ourselves, we must admit that we are all, in some way, "damaged". We cannot escape this fact. You are not a victim, you are a survivor, and that makes you STRONG, dammit. Living through what you've endured, well, that makes you stronger than many others who've had different life experiences. This - I will not lie down and take it, and I refuse to let one bad relationship define me. I am more than that. - proves it.
You will continue to be strong, and you will continue to survive. Be glad. Rejoice in your new knowledge, and enjoy knowing that you will never subject yourself to such a bastard again. It was all part of your learning curve, or maybe it was YOUR plaster and sandpaper - the things which had to go into making the person you are and the person you love.
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And personally I would not trade the knowledge that my life experiences and scars have given me for all the innocence in the world. Innocence is highly overrated.
((((HUGS))))
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I thought that as I'd helped and supported him that he would do the same for me when I got into difficulties. No chance. As soon as my life got difficult he was off, lying through his teeth as he did it. I was left totally bewildered, and if he hadn't left an evidence trail I still would be.
Reply
I'm glad to see your outlook. You're not defined by your relationships or who you're friends with for that matter. You know what you are, obviously, and with some time, your mindset will change as well.
Once that does, that'll bring good men into your life, which will be long and happy. :)
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