I'll shine the light until the world ends.....
Anyone who knows me can tell you I’ve always been tough and realistic while at the same time possessing a damn near blind faith in people, and in my god.
Do I still have that faith? Yes, only it’s a bit more…worn and jaded.
Amazingly enough it’s not living in this chair that’s made it so but one dead brother and best friend reduced back to infancy and here I am pissed off tired and so fucking cynical it scares me.
I had held out a very slim hope that Krysten would improve and come back to me that bubbly, funny, giving person I love so very much.
Last week the doctors sent Krysten home to live with her parents. She is physically improving she can sit up and walk with assistance but her mental faculties are not there. She cannot speak or gesture for what she wants or needs. She is aware of where she is and who we all are and can blink in response to questions. That’s all.
With the bruising on her brain and the stroke (maybe more than one we don’t know) she had the doctors seem to think she won’t improve anymore. Her parents maintain hope and I wish that I could but when you have CP the first thing you learn is once those brain cells are gone they’re gone forever. It is incredibly hard to rewire sections of your brain to do jobs they aren’t meant for, I Speak from first hand experience.
I know too much, for once knowledge is a bad thing I can’t hope.
I miss her voice and advice, I miss her.
I’m trying to accept that my old friend is gone and love this new version just the same. It’s
hard and confusing. It’s like someone died but their body is still here…she is still in there I can feel it. I just can’t reach her and it makes me sad and crazy.
It was okay having just one real friend until now. Now, its lonely and awkward because I don’t know who really cares about me. I don’t know who to trust.
So sorry for being a downer…
I leave you with two things… our song…
Click to viewAnd something I tell her a lot. What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two bodies- Aristole
I love you Kryssy!
thoughts on Krysten....