Heels Over Head [1/3]
Title: Heels Over Head [1/3]
Author: meiloslyther
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Established Jondon; Rydon
POV: 3rd, omniscient
Summary: Brendon and Jon have been together for a little over a year. Brendon's been fooling around with Ryan for about the same amount of time. Split-fic.
Word Count: 3,008 [this part]; 9,038 [total]
Disclaimer: Entirely created from the recesses of my own diseased and fragmented brain case. This is what snorting word dust will do to you. :D Oh, and don't Google yourselves. Ever.
Beta: phoenix_vixen
Author Notes: Based off of a prompt idea that I stole from faith_omgwtfbbq. I took a twelve song playlist made at random and wrote this fic from it.
Part 2 | Part 3 | Playlist | The Mix
Brendon curled up tight against Ryan's side, resting his head on Ryan's bare chest. It was a girly thing to do, but then again, since when did Brendon try to convince anyone of anything anymore? He was a man; he knew it, Ryan for sure knew it, and no amount of girlishness would or could ever change that.
"Do you love him?"
Brendon glanced up at Ryan before quickly looking away, avoiding the question. He didn't need this right now. He was cuddling, damnit.
"Because if you do, we need to stop this."
"It doesn't matter, this doesn't mean anything anyway." Honestly, the cuddling was for Brendon more than it was for Ryan.
Ryan grabbed Brendon's chin, making him meet his eyes. "If it doesn't mean anything to you, why do you wear my clothes?"
"What? What does that have to do with anything?"
"He knows, Brendon," Ryan sighed, throwing his head back exasperatedly. What a drama queen. "He knows because you're always wearing my clothes, you always smell like me." Because they were having sex pretty much every time they were alone together.
"He doesn't know. He can't."
"He does."
Brendon sighed. "Look, there's no way he could know. All this is is sex. Just sex; that's it." He threw a leg over Ryan and straddled him. "Speaking of, wanna go again?"
Brendon Urie, the Don Quixote of modern times.
"You're avoiding the issue, B."
"I'm not avoiding the issue, I just don't care." There was a pretty, naked man under him and he totally wanted to bone him. Again. Issues were not his first priority at that moment.
Ryan sighed. "You don't care that your boyfriend knows about your little affair with his best friend which, might I add, is not so little?" Ryan was 'not so little' himself, but that wasn't what he was getting at.
"He doesn't know, okay? Now will you shut up so that I can fuck you into next week?"
Ryan huffed, blinking up at Brendon, but he didn't push any further. Brendon would rape Ryan before he would give in to Ryan's little mind games. Ryan would rather enjoy sex with Brendon, thank you very much, so he just kept his mouth shut.
Brendon smiled down softly at Ryan, pressing a kiss to his cheek. "You love it when I fuck you hard."
"You know me too well."
Ryan almost wished he actually did.
***
Jon paced in front of Spencer's bed in the next room over. Spencer snored, so the other three took turns rooming with him, and tonight it was Jon's turn, but that wasn't what was keeping him from sleeping; besides, Spencer was still awake.
It was all the half-muffled moaning, the soft grunting, the quiet squeak of the bed next door that kept him awake.
"Do you love him?"
"Of course I do. That's why I don't want to believe that he's doing this to me." Jon slumped down next to Spencer, putting his head in his hands.
Denial keeps all wounds from forming.
"How long has this been going on?"
"About a year."
Spencer gave Jon a curious look. "But you two have only been together for a..."
Jon glanced up at Spencer and the miserable grimace on his face told Spencer all he needed to know.
"...Oh." How this whole mess had passed Spencer by, he wasn't sure. "Fuck, Jon, I'm sorry. I didn't even know, and Ryan's my best friend. Shit, when did you find out?"
"I've known all along." It was a lie Jon told himself to even be able to sleep at night. He hadn't known until a week ago.
Spencer nodded, taking everything in. "Have you said anything to either of them?" And to think, both of them used to be such nice guys.
Jon shook his head and Spencer rested a sympathetic hand on his shoulder. "It's just... I want him to be happy. And if I say anything about it, he'll get mad at me and then... then I might lose him." He didn't even want to think about the fact that he might already be gone.
"You really do love him," Spencer muttered.
"I just wish I knew what I'm doing wrong, what Ryan gives him that I don't."
'Failure' wasn't the right word, but it was the first word that came to mind.
Spencer squeezed Jon's shoulder, giving him an apologetic smile. "I wish I could tell you what that is."
***
The next day went on as usual; group breakfast in the morning once everyone was finally awake, then they got on the bus to go to the venue a few blocks away. Soundcheck went smoothly, their stage clothes still smelled like last night's sweat, and Brendon was just as hyper as ever. There were no signs whatsoever that something was going on between Brendon and Ryan because Brendon was constantly hanging on Jon, invading his personal space at every given moment.
"We have an hour before we need to get ready for the show," Jon whispered to Brendon as they sat on the bus. "Want to disappear somewhere?"
"There's no one in here," Brendon whispered back, leaning over to shut the door to the back lounge. "Who says we need to disappear?"
Jon deliberated; maybe this was what he needed to do to get Brendon back, maybe he went to Ryan because he thought Jon wasn't adventurous enough anymore. But honestly, Spencer and Ryan were just behind that door, and it didn't lock.
"Or are you too chicken?" Brendon teased, crawling in Jon's lap and nuzzling his neck, just past where his beard ended.
Jon narrowed his eyes playfully, hurling Brendon down on his back and pinning him to the couch. "I'll show you chicken."
Brendon could only giggle as Jon tugged their clothes off, pulling Jon down for a kiss once they were fully naked. Brendon knew how this would go because Jon was predictable; Jon would tease him, fuck him senseless, then they would cuddle for as long as they could. It was probably the only reason Brendon stayed with him; Ryan just wasn't rough enough when Brendon let him top, couldn't manhandle him the way Jon could.
But it was also what turned him to Ryan in the first place. Brendon couldn't stand the monotony of predictability. He wanted to fuck just as often if not more so than he got fucked, and Jon just wasn't open to that. Well, at least he never offered.
Brendon squirmed as Jon simultaneously sucked on the head of his cock and stretched him with one, two, three fingers. Only when he had Brendon panting for more did Jon pull up, slick his cock with saliva, and position himself, pushing in with practiced force.
Throwing his head back, Brendon keened loudly, gripping the edge of the couch as Jon nearly bent him in half, his hands behind Brendon's knees. Within ten minutes, Brendon was moaning loud enough to wake the dead with each bruising thrust, and Spencer was banging on the door telling them to keep it down.
Jon could only laugh, capturing Brendon's mouth in a kiss and swallowing his groans.
"We can still hear you," Spencer yelled through the door, followed by a snicker from Ryan.
"Fuck off," Jon growled back, making Brendon's keening reach a higher pitch as he began moving faster, his thrusts harder.
It wasn't long before Brendon was biting down on Jon's shoulder, his nails dug into Jon's back as he came. Jon followed shortly after, muffling his own cry into Brendon's neck.
Afterwards, both laid there holding each other, just breathing and knowing full well that the moment wouldn't last.
I love you, both of them thought, but never said.
***
Later that night, after the show, Brendon stumbled exhaustedly onto the bus and into his own bunk, curling up next to Jon and still radiating massive amounts of heat. He promptly fell asleep as the bus rolled out of the parking lot, breathing slow and deep through his nose. His bangs were sticking to his forehead from his shower, stray water droplets clinging to his eyelashes. As Jon watched him, he realized that while Brendon was beautiful as always, he didn't look quite as peaceful as he normally did when he slept, that he looked almost scared, or at least as scared as a sleeping person could look.
However, Jon found that if he turned his head just right, if he looked just out of the corner of his eye and squinted a little, Brendon appeared to be smiling ever so slightly. Maybe it was a trick of the light, maybe Jon was just seeing things. Maybe Jon was just overly paranoid, but either way, Jon knew it meant something.
Brendon was lying. About everything.
Pushing Brendon's bangs off his forehead, Jon thought about leaving him for the first time since they'd gotten together. He knew Brendon was cheating on him, with one of his best friends even, but things had been good, everything had been okay. If Jon had never found out... well, then he just wouldn't have ever known.
Jon knew that he deserved much better. He just didn't want to break Brendon's heart, such a fragile little thing for such a brave and confident young man.
He didn't have the heart to tell Brendon what he knew.
***
At the next venue, somehow Ryan and Brendon ended up alone in the dressing room, and to Brendon, that was the perfect time to get a quick fuck out of Ryan. He was almost a sex addict at that point; a quickie in the bathroom of a downtown venue, a blowjob behind a gas station, handjobs in the back lounge of the bus when everyone else was asleep. Jon was never this carefree.
"Brendon," Ryan warned him, not even looking away from buttoning up his shirt in the mirror. He'd been around Brendon too long to not know what he was thinking by now.
Apparently, Ryan wasn't having any of Brendon's shenanigans.
"Come on, Ry, just a quick one," Brendon persuaded him, licking around his ear and letting his hands wander around to the front of Ryan's slacks. "Hard and fast, just the way you like it," he continued in a sing-song, grabbing Ryan's crotch.
Ryan shuddered, could feel himself getting hard already, but he wasn't going to back down just yet. "Anyone could walk in, Brendon. Do you want Jon to walk in on you fucking me into the couch?"
"We won't take that long, stop worrying."
Ryan looked up at Brendon's face in the mirror to find a rather devious glint in his almost black eyes. Ryan sighed. "If Jon kills me, I blame you."
Brendon grinned.
It wasn't even ten minutes later that none other than Jon walked into the dressing room. What he found was heartbreaking; Ryan on his back on the couch, his head hanging over the arm with his wrists pinned next to his shoulders by Brendon's strong hands. Ryan's knees were hooked over Brendon's shoulders and, well, Jon could figure out the rest from the sounds they were making.
"Mother fucker."
Denial can't cover up the truth forever.
Brendon froze and Ryan opened his eyes, his gaze locking with Jon's for a whole second before he threw Brendon off of him, kicking him in the stomach in the process. He rolled off the couch and onto the floor, grabbing up his clothes and covering himself with his pants as he stood.
"You're dealing with this alone, Brendon," Ryan muttered, backing into the bathroom.
Jon was simply glaring at Brendon as he pulled off the wasted condom and dropped it in the trash.
Brendon sighed, not bothering to get dressed. "Look, Jon, I can explain-"
"I don't want to hear your excuses, Brendon," Jon snarled, his eyes like fire. "I want you to play this goddamn show like nothing happened, alright? But when it's over, I'm calling a band meeting."
"Jon, what are you-?"
"We're finished, Brendon."
Brendon could only stare as Jon turned around and left the dressing room.
***
Jon kept his word and, after the show, he called a band meeting in the front lounge of the bus. Brendon was scrunched up in the corner of the couch with his feet on the cushions, trying to make himself appear smaller and fidgeting with the seam of his jeans. Ryan and Spencer sat on the other end of the couch, a comfortable but friendly distance from each other. Jon, with his arms crossed over his chest, sat across from them at the kitchenette table.
"I can't do this anymore," Jon sighed, talking more to Spencer than anyone else. "I think the best thing for me would be to leave the band."
"What?"
"You're being unreasonable..."
"You can't just leave us, man..."
Jon held a hand up to stifle the uproar Ryan and Spencer were bound to start. Brendon simply looked horrified, his nails dug into his thighs. "I've already thought this through, and I've already made up my mind."
"Jon, please. We still have three more shows this tour," Spencer pleaded, his face an almost perfect copy of Ryan's; surprised and confused with just a hint of puppy eyes.
"I'll finish the tour, don't worry about that," Jon assured them. "But when I go home afterwards, I'm not coming back."
"What will you do?" Ryan asked after a moment of silence, a hint of acceptance in his monotone.
"I haven't thought of that yet," Jon answered truthfully, finally looking over at Ryan. "I'll find something."
Ryan met Jon's eyes and a look passed between them, Jon's eyes suddenly widening in realization.
"No, Ryan."
"I've been thinking about this for a while. We haven't been able to write anything new together for months now."
Jon hung his head. "Ryan, don't-"
"Look, I honestly think we'd all be more productive if we just... split." Ryan turned to Spencer for support. "I mean, we all have ideas, they just don't work with each other."
Spencer appeared more thoughtful than angry or upset. "So you mean that we...?"
"Yeah. And then we would-"
"Right, of course. So then...?"
"Yeah, yeah."
Spencer nodded. "It's probably for the best."
The two looked back at Jon for confirmation.
"So, Spencer and Brendon, then Ryan and I?"
The two men nodded, and Jon agreed silently.
"Brendon?" Spencer tried, turning to him, still curled up in a melancholic ball.
Brendon's sad brown eyes flicked over to Spencer, someone safe at least, and he nodded absently, looking back down at his feet.
"I guess it's settled then," Spencer muttered on a sigh, looking to Ryan and getting a slight nod in return.
Silence echoed throughout the bus as the driver came back a few minutes later and started up the engine, taking them to their next venue and ever closer to Ryan and Jon's departure.
***
Jon's flight home to Chicago was a full hour before everyone else's, so everyone was crowded around him to say their goodbyes. Spencer and Ryan were still running on the adrenaline from the last show and were talking animatedly with Jon and Zack. Jon simply looked tired but relieved, accepting the lingering hugs and "I'm gonna miss you"'s from Spencer and Zack, the excited "I'll call you"'s from Ryan.
Brendon, who had been putting on fake smiles for fans all week, sat in a chair a few feet away, sulking. He put on a good show on stage, but as soon as he walked off, as soon as the lights and cameras were no longer pointed at him, the spark in his eyes died out and his smile faded. He had barely said three words to anyone since the decision to split, and he had been a little black cloud hovering over everyone who knew.
Finally the call for Jon's flight to begin boarding came across the loudspeakers, so there was another round of hugs and best wishes. Brendon stood at that point and approached Jon silently, standing in front of him awkwardly. Jon, not nearly heartless enough to deny Brendon a proper goodbye, reached out and pulled him into a tight hug.
"Don't go," Brendon whispered, his voice hoarse as if he had cried recently. "We can fix this. Just... please, don't go."
"I have to." I need to, he didn't say.
"Look, I can change, Jon. Please, I can be a better boyfriend, and I promise I'll never cheat on you again-"
"Brendon," Jon interrupted, pulling back far enough to grab the sides of Brendon's face and look him in the eye. Brendon froze except for his eyes, which were searching Jon's hopefully. "Calm down, you're making a fool out of yourself."
A couple of people were already staring.
"Jon, I love you," Brendon blurted, desperate, his voice cracking a little.
Jon sighed. "You don't, Brendon. You don't, at least not right now." He didn't want this to be any harder than it already was, but Brendon wasn't one to go quietly.
Brendon's eyes were beginning to water. "Jon, please..."
"Look, I can't be with you, Brendon. I love you -- I really, really do -- but I can't be with you if you don't love me back. It's not fair to me and it's not fair to you. Even worse, it's not fair to Ryan because he's stuck in the middle of this mess."
A tear finally made its way down Brendon's cheek and Jon felt his heart break a little more, but he had to do this. He had to let Brendon go.
"Listen to me. Talk with Spencer, cry, punch some stuff. Get your shit straightened out, alright? Call me when you can truthfully say that you love me with all of your heart, and not a moment before." Jon pressed a quick kiss to Brendon's cheek, brushing away the tear clinging there, and turned away, following the crowd onto the plane.
Brendon finally broke down, and Zack had to pull him protectively to his chest to keep people from gawking.
-----------------------------------------
A/N: More of my work here.
Author: meiloslyther
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Established Jondon; Rydon
POV: 3rd, omniscient
Summary: Brendon and Jon have been together for a little over a year. Brendon's been fooling around with Ryan for about the same amount of time. Split-fic.
Word Count: 3,008 [this part]; 9,038 [total]
Disclaimer: Entirely created from the recesses of my own diseased and fragmented brain case. This is what snorting word dust will do to you. :D Oh, and don't Google yourselves. Ever.
Beta: phoenix_vixen
Author Notes: Based off of a prompt idea that I stole from faith_omgwtfbbq. I took a twelve song playlist made at random and wrote this fic from it.
Part 2 | Part 3 | Playlist | The Mix
Brendon curled up tight against Ryan's side, resting his head on Ryan's bare chest. It was a girly thing to do, but then again, since when did Brendon try to convince anyone of anything anymore? He was a man; he knew it, Ryan for sure knew it, and no amount of girlishness would or could ever change that.
"Do you love him?"
Brendon glanced up at Ryan before quickly looking away, avoiding the question. He didn't need this right now. He was cuddling, damnit.
"Because if you do, we need to stop this."
"It doesn't matter, this doesn't mean anything anyway." Honestly, the cuddling was for Brendon more than it was for Ryan.
Ryan grabbed Brendon's chin, making him meet his eyes. "If it doesn't mean anything to you, why do you wear my clothes?"
"What? What does that have to do with anything?"
"He knows, Brendon," Ryan sighed, throwing his head back exasperatedly. What a drama queen. "He knows because you're always wearing my clothes, you always smell like me." Because they were having sex pretty much every time they were alone together.
"He doesn't know. He can't."
"He does."
Brendon sighed. "Look, there's no way he could know. All this is is sex. Just sex; that's it." He threw a leg over Ryan and straddled him. "Speaking of, wanna go again?"
Brendon Urie, the Don Quixote of modern times.
"You're avoiding the issue, B."
"I'm not avoiding the issue, I just don't care." There was a pretty, naked man under him and he totally wanted to bone him. Again. Issues were not his first priority at that moment.
Ryan sighed. "You don't care that your boyfriend knows about your little affair with his best friend which, might I add, is not so little?" Ryan was 'not so little' himself, but that wasn't what he was getting at.
"He doesn't know, okay? Now will you shut up so that I can fuck you into next week?"
Ryan huffed, blinking up at Brendon, but he didn't push any further. Brendon would rape Ryan before he would give in to Ryan's little mind games. Ryan would rather enjoy sex with Brendon, thank you very much, so he just kept his mouth shut.
Brendon smiled down softly at Ryan, pressing a kiss to his cheek. "You love it when I fuck you hard."
"You know me too well."
Ryan almost wished he actually did.
***
Jon paced in front of Spencer's bed in the next room over. Spencer snored, so the other three took turns rooming with him, and tonight it was Jon's turn, but that wasn't what was keeping him from sleeping; besides, Spencer was still awake.
It was all the half-muffled moaning, the soft grunting, the quiet squeak of the bed next door that kept him awake.
"Do you love him?"
"Of course I do. That's why I don't want to believe that he's doing this to me." Jon slumped down next to Spencer, putting his head in his hands.
Denial keeps all wounds from forming.
"How long has this been going on?"
"About a year."
Spencer gave Jon a curious look. "But you two have only been together for a..."
Jon glanced up at Spencer and the miserable grimace on his face told Spencer all he needed to know.
"...Oh." How this whole mess had passed Spencer by, he wasn't sure. "Fuck, Jon, I'm sorry. I didn't even know, and Ryan's my best friend. Shit, when did you find out?"
"I've known all along." It was a lie Jon told himself to even be able to sleep at night. He hadn't known until a week ago.
Spencer nodded, taking everything in. "Have you said anything to either of them?" And to think, both of them used to be such nice guys.
Jon shook his head and Spencer rested a sympathetic hand on his shoulder. "It's just... I want him to be happy. And if I say anything about it, he'll get mad at me and then... then I might lose him." He didn't even want to think about the fact that he might already be gone.
"You really do love him," Spencer muttered.
"I just wish I knew what I'm doing wrong, what Ryan gives him that I don't."
'Failure' wasn't the right word, but it was the first word that came to mind.
Spencer squeezed Jon's shoulder, giving him an apologetic smile. "I wish I could tell you what that is."
***
The next day went on as usual; group breakfast in the morning once everyone was finally awake, then they got on the bus to go to the venue a few blocks away. Soundcheck went smoothly, their stage clothes still smelled like last night's sweat, and Brendon was just as hyper as ever. There were no signs whatsoever that something was going on between Brendon and Ryan because Brendon was constantly hanging on Jon, invading his personal space at every given moment.
"We have an hour before we need to get ready for the show," Jon whispered to Brendon as they sat on the bus. "Want to disappear somewhere?"
"There's no one in here," Brendon whispered back, leaning over to shut the door to the back lounge. "Who says we need to disappear?"
Jon deliberated; maybe this was what he needed to do to get Brendon back, maybe he went to Ryan because he thought Jon wasn't adventurous enough anymore. But honestly, Spencer and Ryan were just behind that door, and it didn't lock.
"Or are you too chicken?" Brendon teased, crawling in Jon's lap and nuzzling his neck, just past where his beard ended.
Jon narrowed his eyes playfully, hurling Brendon down on his back and pinning him to the couch. "I'll show you chicken."
Brendon could only giggle as Jon tugged their clothes off, pulling Jon down for a kiss once they were fully naked. Brendon knew how this would go because Jon was predictable; Jon would tease him, fuck him senseless, then they would cuddle for as long as they could. It was probably the only reason Brendon stayed with him; Ryan just wasn't rough enough when Brendon let him top, couldn't manhandle him the way Jon could.
But it was also what turned him to Ryan in the first place. Brendon couldn't stand the monotony of predictability. He wanted to fuck just as often if not more so than he got fucked, and Jon just wasn't open to that. Well, at least he never offered.
Brendon squirmed as Jon simultaneously sucked on the head of his cock and stretched him with one, two, three fingers. Only when he had Brendon panting for more did Jon pull up, slick his cock with saliva, and position himself, pushing in with practiced force.
Throwing his head back, Brendon keened loudly, gripping the edge of the couch as Jon nearly bent him in half, his hands behind Brendon's knees. Within ten minutes, Brendon was moaning loud enough to wake the dead with each bruising thrust, and Spencer was banging on the door telling them to keep it down.
Jon could only laugh, capturing Brendon's mouth in a kiss and swallowing his groans.
"We can still hear you," Spencer yelled through the door, followed by a snicker from Ryan.
"Fuck off," Jon growled back, making Brendon's keening reach a higher pitch as he began moving faster, his thrusts harder.
It wasn't long before Brendon was biting down on Jon's shoulder, his nails dug into Jon's back as he came. Jon followed shortly after, muffling his own cry into Brendon's neck.
Afterwards, both laid there holding each other, just breathing and knowing full well that the moment wouldn't last.
I love you, both of them thought, but never said.
***
Later that night, after the show, Brendon stumbled exhaustedly onto the bus and into his own bunk, curling up next to Jon and still radiating massive amounts of heat. He promptly fell asleep as the bus rolled out of the parking lot, breathing slow and deep through his nose. His bangs were sticking to his forehead from his shower, stray water droplets clinging to his eyelashes. As Jon watched him, he realized that while Brendon was beautiful as always, he didn't look quite as peaceful as he normally did when he slept, that he looked almost scared, or at least as scared as a sleeping person could look.
However, Jon found that if he turned his head just right, if he looked just out of the corner of his eye and squinted a little, Brendon appeared to be smiling ever so slightly. Maybe it was a trick of the light, maybe Jon was just seeing things. Maybe Jon was just overly paranoid, but either way, Jon knew it meant something.
Brendon was lying. About everything.
Pushing Brendon's bangs off his forehead, Jon thought about leaving him for the first time since they'd gotten together. He knew Brendon was cheating on him, with one of his best friends even, but things had been good, everything had been okay. If Jon had never found out... well, then he just wouldn't have ever known.
Jon knew that he deserved much better. He just didn't want to break Brendon's heart, such a fragile little thing for such a brave and confident young man.
He didn't have the heart to tell Brendon what he knew.
***
At the next venue, somehow Ryan and Brendon ended up alone in the dressing room, and to Brendon, that was the perfect time to get a quick fuck out of Ryan. He was almost a sex addict at that point; a quickie in the bathroom of a downtown venue, a blowjob behind a gas station, handjobs in the back lounge of the bus when everyone else was asleep. Jon was never this carefree.
"Brendon," Ryan warned him, not even looking away from buttoning up his shirt in the mirror. He'd been around Brendon too long to not know what he was thinking by now.
Apparently, Ryan wasn't having any of Brendon's shenanigans.
"Come on, Ry, just a quick one," Brendon persuaded him, licking around his ear and letting his hands wander around to the front of Ryan's slacks. "Hard and fast, just the way you like it," he continued in a sing-song, grabbing Ryan's crotch.
Ryan shuddered, could feel himself getting hard already, but he wasn't going to back down just yet. "Anyone could walk in, Brendon. Do you want Jon to walk in on you fucking me into the couch?"
"We won't take that long, stop worrying."
Ryan looked up at Brendon's face in the mirror to find a rather devious glint in his almost black eyes. Ryan sighed. "If Jon kills me, I blame you."
Brendon grinned.
It wasn't even ten minutes later that none other than Jon walked into the dressing room. What he found was heartbreaking; Ryan on his back on the couch, his head hanging over the arm with his wrists pinned next to his shoulders by Brendon's strong hands. Ryan's knees were hooked over Brendon's shoulders and, well, Jon could figure out the rest from the sounds they were making.
"Mother fucker."
Denial can't cover up the truth forever.
Brendon froze and Ryan opened his eyes, his gaze locking with Jon's for a whole second before he threw Brendon off of him, kicking him in the stomach in the process. He rolled off the couch and onto the floor, grabbing up his clothes and covering himself with his pants as he stood.
"You're dealing with this alone, Brendon," Ryan muttered, backing into the bathroom.
Jon was simply glaring at Brendon as he pulled off the wasted condom and dropped it in the trash.
Brendon sighed, not bothering to get dressed. "Look, Jon, I can explain-"
"I don't want to hear your excuses, Brendon," Jon snarled, his eyes like fire. "I want you to play this goddamn show like nothing happened, alright? But when it's over, I'm calling a band meeting."
"Jon, what are you-?"
"We're finished, Brendon."
Brendon could only stare as Jon turned around and left the dressing room.
***
Jon kept his word and, after the show, he called a band meeting in the front lounge of the bus. Brendon was scrunched up in the corner of the couch with his feet on the cushions, trying to make himself appear smaller and fidgeting with the seam of his jeans. Ryan and Spencer sat on the other end of the couch, a comfortable but friendly distance from each other. Jon, with his arms crossed over his chest, sat across from them at the kitchenette table.
"I can't do this anymore," Jon sighed, talking more to Spencer than anyone else. "I think the best thing for me would be to leave the band."
"What?"
"You're being unreasonable..."
"You can't just leave us, man..."
Jon held a hand up to stifle the uproar Ryan and Spencer were bound to start. Brendon simply looked horrified, his nails dug into his thighs. "I've already thought this through, and I've already made up my mind."
"Jon, please. We still have three more shows this tour," Spencer pleaded, his face an almost perfect copy of Ryan's; surprised and confused with just a hint of puppy eyes.
"I'll finish the tour, don't worry about that," Jon assured them. "But when I go home afterwards, I'm not coming back."
"What will you do?" Ryan asked after a moment of silence, a hint of acceptance in his monotone.
"I haven't thought of that yet," Jon answered truthfully, finally looking over at Ryan. "I'll find something."
Ryan met Jon's eyes and a look passed between them, Jon's eyes suddenly widening in realization.
"No, Ryan."
"I've been thinking about this for a while. We haven't been able to write anything new together for months now."
Jon hung his head. "Ryan, don't-"
"Look, I honestly think we'd all be more productive if we just... split." Ryan turned to Spencer for support. "I mean, we all have ideas, they just don't work with each other."
Spencer appeared more thoughtful than angry or upset. "So you mean that we...?"
"Yeah. And then we would-"
"Right, of course. So then...?"
"Yeah, yeah."
Spencer nodded. "It's probably for the best."
The two looked back at Jon for confirmation.
"So, Spencer and Brendon, then Ryan and I?"
The two men nodded, and Jon agreed silently.
"Brendon?" Spencer tried, turning to him, still curled up in a melancholic ball.
Brendon's sad brown eyes flicked over to Spencer, someone safe at least, and he nodded absently, looking back down at his feet.
"I guess it's settled then," Spencer muttered on a sigh, looking to Ryan and getting a slight nod in return.
Silence echoed throughout the bus as the driver came back a few minutes later and started up the engine, taking them to their next venue and ever closer to Ryan and Jon's departure.
***
Jon's flight home to Chicago was a full hour before everyone else's, so everyone was crowded around him to say their goodbyes. Spencer and Ryan were still running on the adrenaline from the last show and were talking animatedly with Jon and Zack. Jon simply looked tired but relieved, accepting the lingering hugs and "I'm gonna miss you"'s from Spencer and Zack, the excited "I'll call you"'s from Ryan.
Brendon, who had been putting on fake smiles for fans all week, sat in a chair a few feet away, sulking. He put on a good show on stage, but as soon as he walked off, as soon as the lights and cameras were no longer pointed at him, the spark in his eyes died out and his smile faded. He had barely said three words to anyone since the decision to split, and he had been a little black cloud hovering over everyone who knew.
Finally the call for Jon's flight to begin boarding came across the loudspeakers, so there was another round of hugs and best wishes. Brendon stood at that point and approached Jon silently, standing in front of him awkwardly. Jon, not nearly heartless enough to deny Brendon a proper goodbye, reached out and pulled him into a tight hug.
"Don't go," Brendon whispered, his voice hoarse as if he had cried recently. "We can fix this. Just... please, don't go."
"I have to." I need to, he didn't say.
"Look, I can change, Jon. Please, I can be a better boyfriend, and I promise I'll never cheat on you again-"
"Brendon," Jon interrupted, pulling back far enough to grab the sides of Brendon's face and look him in the eye. Brendon froze except for his eyes, which were searching Jon's hopefully. "Calm down, you're making a fool out of yourself."
A couple of people were already staring.
"Jon, I love you," Brendon blurted, desperate, his voice cracking a little.
Jon sighed. "You don't, Brendon. You don't, at least not right now." He didn't want this to be any harder than it already was, but Brendon wasn't one to go quietly.
Brendon's eyes were beginning to water. "Jon, please..."
"Look, I can't be with you, Brendon. I love you -- I really, really do -- but I can't be with you if you don't love me back. It's not fair to me and it's not fair to you. Even worse, it's not fair to Ryan because he's stuck in the middle of this mess."
A tear finally made its way down Brendon's cheek and Jon felt his heart break a little more, but he had to do this. He had to let Brendon go.
"Listen to me. Talk with Spencer, cry, punch some stuff. Get your shit straightened out, alright? Call me when you can truthfully say that you love me with all of your heart, and not a moment before." Jon pressed a quick kiss to Brendon's cheek, brushing away the tear clinging there, and turned away, following the crowd onto the plane.
Brendon finally broke down, and Zack had to pull him protectively to his chest to keep people from gawking.
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A/N: More of my work here.