If You Can't Say Something Nice (Don't Say Anything At All) [s/a]
Title: If You Can't Say Something Nice (Don't Say Anything At All) [s/a]
Author: meiloslyther
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Rywalk
POV: 3rd, omniscient
Summary: Ryan's gone missing in the woods, so the other three have to find him.
Word Count: 1,739
Disclaimer: Entirely created from the recesses of my own diseased and fragmented brain case. This is what snorting word dust will do to you. :D Oh, and don't Google yourselves. Ever.
Beta: ezdeeppornkittn
Author Notes: I don't even… someone mentioned that Ryan had Bambi eyes and this just happened. I don't know. Just. Crack. Another "weird shit happens to Ryan" fic, if you will.
Okay, so they weren't exactly surprised when Ryan disappeared after a fight with Brendon, but they weren't expecting him to actually leave the cabin.
"He's not in any of the rooms," Spencer announced when he stepped back into the living room where Jon was actually looking under the couch cushions. "Guys, I don't think he's in the cabin."
Jon and Brendon frowned at each other. "Maybe he went for a walk. You know how he gets," Jon tried, sitting down on the couch. "I'm sure he'll be back."
"What if he got lost in the woods? Jon, it's been hours since we last saw him! I have to find him," Brendon cried desperately, running for the back door.
Spencer grabbed the back of Brendon's shirt, halting him. "Alright, alright, but you're not going by yourself. The sun's going down and we're not gonna lose you too." Spencer let Brendon go and followed him to the door. "Come on, Jon."
The three made their way outside, beginning to walk in the direction they thought Ryan would have gone.
"What if he fell into a lake and it's all my fault?" Brendon continued to fantasize, coming up with worse and worse outcomes and explanations for why Ryan hadn't returned.
"Brendon, this is Ryan we're talking about," Spencer reminded him.
Brendon froze. "Oh shit, he's dead!"
Spencer sighed and rolled his eyes, shoving Brendon forward. "He is not, he's probably just lost."
Brendon opened his mouth to say something when they heard a stick break just ahead of them and they all came to a stop again, listening. Leaves rustled like someone was walking on them, and a tiny fawn stepped out from behind a tree, looking around wildly. It spotted the three men and paused, blinking its big brown eyes at them.
"Aww, it's so cute, you guys!" Brendon cooed loudly, scaring the fawn and making it stumble before darting behind another tree.
"Brendon, you scared it," Spencer hissed, punching Brendon in the arm.
"Hey, Brendon's sorry, he didn't mean to scare you," Jon called softly, getting down on the ground to try and lure the fawn back out. "Come here, it's okay."
Amazingly enough, the little fawn stepped back out into the open, cautiously approaching Jon. It was a light reddish-brown color with a black tip on its tail and still young enough to have little white spots all over its back. It kept stopping to look warily up at Brendon and Spencer as if it only trusted Jon.
"Step back a bit, you guys. Slowly," Jon told them and they did. The little fawn finally reached Jon, stopping close enough to touch. Jon held his hand out, palm up, and let the fawn sniff his hand. It took another tentative step closer, pressing its nose to Jon's palm before giving it one small lick.
Brendon was desperately trying to hold in his excitement, positively vibrating with the need to coo at the fawn. Spencer just shook his head.
"Hey little guy," Jon muttered, slowly moving to pet the side of its face. It let him, just staring at him with those huge dark eyes that almost reminded Jon of… "He kind of looks like Ryan."
"I'm surrounded by idiots," Spencer declared, earning a rather non-threatening glare from Brendon.
"No, really, you guys," Jon insisted. The fawn was nuzzling against his chest now, letting Jon pet from its head all the way down its back. "Take a look at his eyes."
"How do you know it's a boy?"
"Ryan's eyes aren't-" Spencer paused, looking closely and trying to find how the fawn's eyes weren't like Ryan's. They were eerily similar, except for the characteristic oblong pupil of, you know, deer. Spencer had to regroup for a second. "Yeah, how do you know it's a boy?"
Jon shrugged. "I don't know, I just guessed."
"The poor little guy is all alone, probably lost his mother… or maybe she's dead… Oh my god, Jon, we can name him Bambi! Spencer, can we keep him?"
Spencer sighed. "If Ryan were here… fine, but you have to feed him."
Brendon gasped at the mention of Ryan. "We still need to find Ryan, guys."
"Look, I'm sure he's fine. If he doesn't want to be found, he won't be found, trust me," Spencer told him, gesturing to Jon. "Come on, if were taking that thing with us."
"Way to be insensitive, Spence," Brendon berated him, scowling.
Jon carefully picked up the fawn, cradling him in his arms. He went quietly, resting his head on Jon's shoulder. Brendon couldn't help but smile, cooing softly. Spencer rolled his eyes again and the three made their way back to the cabin with the fawn.
"So, should we feed him now or… what do you even feed a deer?"
"Sometimes I wonder if you actually graduated high school, or if they gave you a diploma just to get rid of you. Deer are fucking herbivores, they eat grass and shit," Spencer informed Brendon, really wishing Ryan was back to laugh at the insult.
"You guys, he's just a baby," Jon added softly, and the fawn licked his face once, making Jon smile. "He needs milk."
Brendon and Spencer shrugged at each other, following Jon into the kitchen.
"Dude, we don't even have a bottle or anything," Spencer realized, looking at Jon curiously.
Jon got down on his knees and started digging in the back of a lower cabinet. "Don't doubt me, Spencer Smith." He procured a small pot and a plain baby bottle, setting them on the counter. "A smart man is always prepared in the wilderness."
"For what, babies?" Spencer asked incredulously, making a face.
"Babies, baby animals, it's all the same to me." Jon put some water in the pot and set it on the stove, letting it heat up as he went to the fridge and pulled out a jug of goat milk and poured some into the bottle, all the while still managing to hold the fawn in one arm. "Come on, don't give me that face, you keep a flyswatter and a can of Raid in your room."
Spencer scoffed. "That's different!"
"Dude, we had goat milk and you didn't tell me? Gross, dude."
Jon hummed noncommittally, turning off the stove and setting the bottle in the water. "If I had told you, you would have thrown it out."
Brendon made a disgusted noise, gagging a little dramatically.
"Seriously, it's really good, you're just a puss," Jon retorted, checking the milk every once in a while until it was warm. He set the fawn on the floor and sat down in front of him, holding the bottle out to him. "Come here, kid."
The fawn stepped forward and began to eat like nothing was different from his mother, except he was looking up at Jon with those huge eyes.
"But no, really you guys. We should name him Bambi."
Spencer rolled his eyes and walked away. Jon just smiled, shaking his head a little. "Sure, B."
Brendon stepped forward, attempting to approach Bambi, but he spooked, darting to the side.
"I don't think he likes you, Bren. Or maybe you need to get down here on the floor."
Brendon shrugged, sitting down on the floor next to Jon. Bambi carefully returned to Jon and the bottle, but kept eyeing Brendon like he was afraid of him.
"It's alright, kid. Brendon won't hurt you," Jon muttered, lightly scratching the side of Bambi's neck.
"Yeah, I won't, promise," Brendon affirmed, holding his hand out.
Bambi paused suckling at the bottle to look at Brendon's hand, then at Brendon's face. In an act that reminded Jon so much of Ryan he had to laugh, Bambi snubbed Brendon, moving closer to Jon and continuing to eat.
Brendon scoffed, standing up. "You little bitch. Forget you too."
Jon was still laughing as Brendon walked out of the kitchen. "Maybe we should have named you Ryan," Jon whispered thoughtfully, pulling the bottle away when it was empty. Bambi licked Jon's cheek again and nuzzled into his chest sleepily. "It's getting kind of late, should probably get to sleep."
Bambi stayed at Jon's feet as he cleaned up and followed him to his room like a puppy. Jon set up a small pallet of fluffy blankets on the floor, calling Bambi over to it. He went to lie down on it, but watched Jon like a hawk as he stripped to his boxers and crawled into bed.
"G'night, kid."
Bambi grunted softly and Jon smiled, closing his eyes.
An immeasurable amount of time later, when Jon was closer to sleeping than being awake, he felt a sudden warmth against his chest. Reaching out instinctively, he wrapped an arm around it, coming into contact with a lot of fur. Jon opened his eyes to find Bambi curled up against him.
"No, you can't sleep up here," Jon slurred tiredly, having a hard time keeping his eyes open. He thought Bambi left, but he was asleep before he could tell for sure.
Jon woke up later to a similar warmth pressed to his chest. "Bambi, I said y'can't sleep up here," he muttered, not even moving or opening his eyes.
"My name's not Bambi, but you can call me that if you'd like. If you're into that," a monotone but rather sarcastic voice shot back, and Jon's eyes flew open.
"Ryan!" Ryan was naked, but Jon decided not to mention it. "When did you come back?"
Ryan smiled mischievously. "Remember that fawn you guys brought in?"
"Bambi?"
Ryan continued to smile, staring up at Jon with his big brown doe eyes and- wait a minute…
"No way."
"You actually thought a fawn would approach humans like that?"
Jon wasn't sure what to say. "I should have known. The thing with Brendon."
"Yeah, funny story. As soon as I forgave him, I turned back into a human."
Jon's eyebrows shot up. "I always knew Brendon was a witch."
Ryan laughed, leaning in to press a kiss to Jon's lips, making him smile too. "How else do you think he makes millions of teenagers fall in love with him? His ass?"
"I believed it," Jon admitted, grinning.
"Mine is better," Ryan whispered, pressing closer and nuzzling Jon's chest.
Jon kissed the top of Ryan's head, moving a hand down to grab Ryan's ass. "Mmmhmm."
Ryan chuckled, settling in and drifting off to sleep with Jon.
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A/N: More of my work here.
Author: meiloslyther
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Rywalk
POV: 3rd, omniscient
Summary: Ryan's gone missing in the woods, so the other three have to find him.
Word Count: 1,739
Disclaimer: Entirely created from the recesses of my own diseased and fragmented brain case. This is what snorting word dust will do to you. :D Oh, and don't Google yourselves. Ever.
Beta: ezdeeppornkittn
Author Notes: I don't even… someone mentioned that Ryan had Bambi eyes and this just happened. I don't know. Just. Crack. Another "weird shit happens to Ryan" fic, if you will.
Okay, so they weren't exactly surprised when Ryan disappeared after a fight with Brendon, but they weren't expecting him to actually leave the cabin.
"He's not in any of the rooms," Spencer announced when he stepped back into the living room where Jon was actually looking under the couch cushions. "Guys, I don't think he's in the cabin."
Jon and Brendon frowned at each other. "Maybe he went for a walk. You know how he gets," Jon tried, sitting down on the couch. "I'm sure he'll be back."
"What if he got lost in the woods? Jon, it's been hours since we last saw him! I have to find him," Brendon cried desperately, running for the back door.
Spencer grabbed the back of Brendon's shirt, halting him. "Alright, alright, but you're not going by yourself. The sun's going down and we're not gonna lose you too." Spencer let Brendon go and followed him to the door. "Come on, Jon."
The three made their way outside, beginning to walk in the direction they thought Ryan would have gone.
"What if he fell into a lake and it's all my fault?" Brendon continued to fantasize, coming up with worse and worse outcomes and explanations for why Ryan hadn't returned.
"Brendon, this is Ryan we're talking about," Spencer reminded him.
Brendon froze. "Oh shit, he's dead!"
Spencer sighed and rolled his eyes, shoving Brendon forward. "He is not, he's probably just lost."
Brendon opened his mouth to say something when they heard a stick break just ahead of them and they all came to a stop again, listening. Leaves rustled like someone was walking on them, and a tiny fawn stepped out from behind a tree, looking around wildly. It spotted the three men and paused, blinking its big brown eyes at them.
"Aww, it's so cute, you guys!" Brendon cooed loudly, scaring the fawn and making it stumble before darting behind another tree.
"Brendon, you scared it," Spencer hissed, punching Brendon in the arm.
"Hey, Brendon's sorry, he didn't mean to scare you," Jon called softly, getting down on the ground to try and lure the fawn back out. "Come here, it's okay."
Amazingly enough, the little fawn stepped back out into the open, cautiously approaching Jon. It was a light reddish-brown color with a black tip on its tail and still young enough to have little white spots all over its back. It kept stopping to look warily up at Brendon and Spencer as if it only trusted Jon.
"Step back a bit, you guys. Slowly," Jon told them and they did. The little fawn finally reached Jon, stopping close enough to touch. Jon held his hand out, palm up, and let the fawn sniff his hand. It took another tentative step closer, pressing its nose to Jon's palm before giving it one small lick.
Brendon was desperately trying to hold in his excitement, positively vibrating with the need to coo at the fawn. Spencer just shook his head.
"Hey little guy," Jon muttered, slowly moving to pet the side of its face. It let him, just staring at him with those huge dark eyes that almost reminded Jon of… "He kind of looks like Ryan."
"I'm surrounded by idiots," Spencer declared, earning a rather non-threatening glare from Brendon.
"No, really, you guys," Jon insisted. The fawn was nuzzling against his chest now, letting Jon pet from its head all the way down its back. "Take a look at his eyes."
"How do you know it's a boy?"
"Ryan's eyes aren't-" Spencer paused, looking closely and trying to find how the fawn's eyes weren't like Ryan's. They were eerily similar, except for the characteristic oblong pupil of, you know, deer. Spencer had to regroup for a second. "Yeah, how do you know it's a boy?"
Jon shrugged. "I don't know, I just guessed."
"The poor little guy is all alone, probably lost his mother… or maybe she's dead… Oh my god, Jon, we can name him Bambi! Spencer, can we keep him?"
Spencer sighed. "If Ryan were here… fine, but you have to feed him."
Brendon gasped at the mention of Ryan. "We still need to find Ryan, guys."
"Look, I'm sure he's fine. If he doesn't want to be found, he won't be found, trust me," Spencer told him, gesturing to Jon. "Come on, if were taking that thing with us."
"Way to be insensitive, Spence," Brendon berated him, scowling.
Jon carefully picked up the fawn, cradling him in his arms. He went quietly, resting his head on Jon's shoulder. Brendon couldn't help but smile, cooing softly. Spencer rolled his eyes again and the three made their way back to the cabin with the fawn.
"So, should we feed him now or… what do you even feed a deer?"
"Sometimes I wonder if you actually graduated high school, or if they gave you a diploma just to get rid of you. Deer are fucking herbivores, they eat grass and shit," Spencer informed Brendon, really wishing Ryan was back to laugh at the insult.
"You guys, he's just a baby," Jon added softly, and the fawn licked his face once, making Jon smile. "He needs milk."
Brendon and Spencer shrugged at each other, following Jon into the kitchen.
"Dude, we don't even have a bottle or anything," Spencer realized, looking at Jon curiously.
Jon got down on his knees and started digging in the back of a lower cabinet. "Don't doubt me, Spencer Smith." He procured a small pot and a plain baby bottle, setting them on the counter. "A smart man is always prepared in the wilderness."
"For what, babies?" Spencer asked incredulously, making a face.
"Babies, baby animals, it's all the same to me." Jon put some water in the pot and set it on the stove, letting it heat up as he went to the fridge and pulled out a jug of goat milk and poured some into the bottle, all the while still managing to hold the fawn in one arm. "Come on, don't give me that face, you keep a flyswatter and a can of Raid in your room."
Spencer scoffed. "That's different!"
"Dude, we had goat milk and you didn't tell me? Gross, dude."
Jon hummed noncommittally, turning off the stove and setting the bottle in the water. "If I had told you, you would have thrown it out."
Brendon made a disgusted noise, gagging a little dramatically.
"Seriously, it's really good, you're just a puss," Jon retorted, checking the milk every once in a while until it was warm. He set the fawn on the floor and sat down in front of him, holding the bottle out to him. "Come here, kid."
The fawn stepped forward and began to eat like nothing was different from his mother, except he was looking up at Jon with those huge eyes.
"But no, really you guys. We should name him Bambi."
Spencer rolled his eyes and walked away. Jon just smiled, shaking his head a little. "Sure, B."
Brendon stepped forward, attempting to approach Bambi, but he spooked, darting to the side.
"I don't think he likes you, Bren. Or maybe you need to get down here on the floor."
Brendon shrugged, sitting down on the floor next to Jon. Bambi carefully returned to Jon and the bottle, but kept eyeing Brendon like he was afraid of him.
"It's alright, kid. Brendon won't hurt you," Jon muttered, lightly scratching the side of Bambi's neck.
"Yeah, I won't, promise," Brendon affirmed, holding his hand out.
Bambi paused suckling at the bottle to look at Brendon's hand, then at Brendon's face. In an act that reminded Jon so much of Ryan he had to laugh, Bambi snubbed Brendon, moving closer to Jon and continuing to eat.
Brendon scoffed, standing up. "You little bitch. Forget you too."
Jon was still laughing as Brendon walked out of the kitchen. "Maybe we should have named you Ryan," Jon whispered thoughtfully, pulling the bottle away when it was empty. Bambi licked Jon's cheek again and nuzzled into his chest sleepily. "It's getting kind of late, should probably get to sleep."
Bambi stayed at Jon's feet as he cleaned up and followed him to his room like a puppy. Jon set up a small pallet of fluffy blankets on the floor, calling Bambi over to it. He went to lie down on it, but watched Jon like a hawk as he stripped to his boxers and crawled into bed.
"G'night, kid."
Bambi grunted softly and Jon smiled, closing his eyes.
An immeasurable amount of time later, when Jon was closer to sleeping than being awake, he felt a sudden warmth against his chest. Reaching out instinctively, he wrapped an arm around it, coming into contact with a lot of fur. Jon opened his eyes to find Bambi curled up against him.
"No, you can't sleep up here," Jon slurred tiredly, having a hard time keeping his eyes open. He thought Bambi left, but he was asleep before he could tell for sure.
Jon woke up later to a similar warmth pressed to his chest. "Bambi, I said y'can't sleep up here," he muttered, not even moving or opening his eyes.
"My name's not Bambi, but you can call me that if you'd like. If you're into that," a monotone but rather sarcastic voice shot back, and Jon's eyes flew open.
"Ryan!" Ryan was naked, but Jon decided not to mention it. "When did you come back?"
Ryan smiled mischievously. "Remember that fawn you guys brought in?"
"Bambi?"
Ryan continued to smile, staring up at Jon with his big brown doe eyes and- wait a minute…
"No way."
"You actually thought a fawn would approach humans like that?"
Jon wasn't sure what to say. "I should have known. The thing with Brendon."
"Yeah, funny story. As soon as I forgave him, I turned back into a human."
Jon's eyebrows shot up. "I always knew Brendon was a witch."
Ryan laughed, leaning in to press a kiss to Jon's lips, making him smile too. "How else do you think he makes millions of teenagers fall in love with him? His ass?"
"I believed it," Jon admitted, grinning.
"Mine is better," Ryan whispered, pressing closer and nuzzling Jon's chest.
Jon kissed the top of Ryan's head, moving a hand down to grab Ryan's ass. "Mmmhmm."
Ryan chuckled, settling in and drifting off to sleep with Jon.
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A/N: More of my work here.