This Is All For You, Transcend [s/a]
Title: This Is All For You, Transcend [s/a]
Author: meiloslyther
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Rydon
POV: 3rd, Brendon-centric
Summary: Ryan is stubborn and makes Brendon feel guilty.
Word Count: 897
Disclaimer: I don't own these boys, and this only happened in my own sick mind.
Beta: faith_omgwtfbbq Thanks so much, bb!
Author Notes: faith_omgwtfbbq's prompt: Rydon, the fact that both The Young Veins' single and Panic's single came out on the same day, the meaning behind the lyrics to New Perspective, A Nightmare On Elm Street, Bronx Mowgli Wentz, annoying little kids named Tarzan, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Double posted to my DeviantArt.
thisisryanross I love love love you
Brendon sighed and shut his phone, rolling his eyes at no one. He knew what Ryan had meant. He knew to whom Ryan had been directing that. He sighed again, flopping down sideways onto the couch, dropping his phone on the floor. Burying his face in the cushion, he shut his eyes and tried not to think.
Impossible.
"Fuuuuuuuuck," he groaned, voice muffled against the couch.
The thing was, Brendon knew Ryan had planned this. Ryan knew when Panic! would be releasing New Perspective; he also knew the meaning behind the lyrics of the song. He figured Ryan would have given up after reading over the lyrics, listening to the demo.
But this... Brendon had not been expecting this. He hadn't expected The Young Veins, as Ryan and Jon were calling themselves now, to release THEIR first single the same exact day. He hadn't expected the words, seemingly innocent, but Brendon knew better than that. He knew Ryan, but he was really hard to predict sometimes.
What had shocked him the most, though, the only one thing that could make him feel this terrible, was Ryan's single tweet. I love love love you. It had been two hours since he'd sent it, and Brendon was still sulking about it.
Brendon drove a frustrated fist into the back of his couch, knuckles meeting soft fabric and foam before it gave way to the hard backing. Ryan was such a stubborn little fuck, and now he was making him feel guilty. Brendon told him it was a one time thing before it even was a thing, and Ryan had agreed.
So why was he doing this now? Surely there was a clause in the Bro Code somewhere that covered something like this, something along the lines of, "If it's agreed that it's a one time thing, don't go making them feel bad just because they don't love you back," or some shit. But then again, Bro Code had been made up by straight guys.
Brendon rolled over onto his back, covering his face with his hands. He didn't cry; it wasn't his place.
***
Brendon ignored the internet for the next few days. It wasn't like he was missing anything important. So Pete would talk about Bronx and some random shit, Jon probably wouldn't say anything, maybe post a picture he took of Clover or something, Spencer rarely got on Twitter anyway, and Ryan would go on with his subliminal messages and metaphors that Brendon understood all too well. Exactly why he didn't want to look.
Unfortunately, he couldn't just ignore it when Ryan showed up at his door.
"Ryan, what are you doing here?"
"I wanted to see you."
He was wearing some expensive looking black slacks and a gold button down shirt. Brendon had to admit that he looked good, but only in his head.
Sighing, Brendon let Ryan in, leading him into the living room where he had been watching A Nightmare on Elm Street. They both sat on the couch, and Brendon only half listened to Ryan's story of some kid in Wal-Mart, appropriately named Tarzan, that tried to climb him like a tree.
"I'm not trying to make you feel bad, Bren," Ryan finally muttered, realizing Brendon wasn't listening.
"Then why are you doing this? Why are you even here?"
"Because I love you, Brendon."
Brendon let out a slow breath, closing his eyes and bowing his head, fingers sifting through his hair. He knew Ryan loved him; he wasn't an idiot. In fact, it was part of the reason Ryan and Jon had left; because Brendon told Ryan it would ruin the band. And, you know what, fuck Ryan for being so stubborn, actually listening to him for once.
But Brendon didn't love him back, at least not in the way Ryan wanted him to. The whole point of New Perspective was to let Ryan know that.
"I know you don't feel the same way, I know that Brendon, you never have. But I know how you do feel about me. It's all over your new song, you can't hide it."
"You think it's going to make anything any better? Because it won't, Ryan. No matter how much you love me, no matter how fucking hot I think you are, you're not going to want to keep it just physical. That's why I stopped it at one. I shouldn't have even given you that." Brendon sighed, looking over at Ryan. "You're still my friend, okay? I don't want to see you get hurt, especially by me. I'd have to beat the shit out of myself."
Brendon silently wished Ryan could just forget him. Maybe there was a company that would do that, like in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Maybe then this wouldn't be so fucking difficult.
Ryan rested a hand on Brendon's shoulder, one of those unreadable smiles tugging at his lips. "You haven't hurt me yet, Bren."
Brendon smiled a little as well. "It's sure as hell not from a lack of trying."
"I know."
They sat like that for a few minutes, Ryan's hand still on Brendon shoulder, the air around them easy, friendly. Just like old times.
"Hey, you wanna go somewhere? Get the hell out of here?"
Ryan looked at him, calculating. A slow grin appeared on his face. "Yeah. Yeah, sure."
Author: meiloslyther
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Rydon
POV: 3rd, Brendon-centric
Summary: Ryan is stubborn and makes Brendon feel guilty.
Word Count: 897
Disclaimer: I don't own these boys, and this only happened in my own sick mind.
Beta: faith_omgwtfbbq Thanks so much, bb!
Author Notes: faith_omgwtfbbq's prompt: Rydon, the fact that both The Young Veins' single and Panic's single came out on the same day, the meaning behind the lyrics to New Perspective, A Nightmare On Elm Street, Bronx Mowgli Wentz, annoying little kids named Tarzan, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Double posted to my DeviantArt.
thisisryanross I love love love you
Brendon sighed and shut his phone, rolling his eyes at no one. He knew what Ryan had meant. He knew to whom Ryan had been directing that. He sighed again, flopping down sideways onto the couch, dropping his phone on the floor. Burying his face in the cushion, he shut his eyes and tried not to think.
Impossible.
"Fuuuuuuuuck," he groaned, voice muffled against the couch.
The thing was, Brendon knew Ryan had planned this. Ryan knew when Panic! would be releasing New Perspective; he also knew the meaning behind the lyrics of the song. He figured Ryan would have given up after reading over the lyrics, listening to the demo.
But this... Brendon had not been expecting this. He hadn't expected The Young Veins, as Ryan and Jon were calling themselves now, to release THEIR first single the same exact day. He hadn't expected the words, seemingly innocent, but Brendon knew better than that. He knew Ryan, but he was really hard to predict sometimes.
What had shocked him the most, though, the only one thing that could make him feel this terrible, was Ryan's single tweet. I love love love you. It had been two hours since he'd sent it, and Brendon was still sulking about it.
Brendon drove a frustrated fist into the back of his couch, knuckles meeting soft fabric and foam before it gave way to the hard backing. Ryan was such a stubborn little fuck, and now he was making him feel guilty. Brendon told him it was a one time thing before it even was a thing, and Ryan had agreed.
So why was he doing this now? Surely there was a clause in the Bro Code somewhere that covered something like this, something along the lines of, "If it's agreed that it's a one time thing, don't go making them feel bad just because they don't love you back," or some shit. But then again, Bro Code had been made up by straight guys.
Brendon rolled over onto his back, covering his face with his hands. He didn't cry; it wasn't his place.
***
Brendon ignored the internet for the next few days. It wasn't like he was missing anything important. So Pete would talk about Bronx and some random shit, Jon probably wouldn't say anything, maybe post a picture he took of Clover or something, Spencer rarely got on Twitter anyway, and Ryan would go on with his subliminal messages and metaphors that Brendon understood all too well. Exactly why he didn't want to look.
Unfortunately, he couldn't just ignore it when Ryan showed up at his door.
"Ryan, what are you doing here?"
"I wanted to see you."
He was wearing some expensive looking black slacks and a gold button down shirt. Brendon had to admit that he looked good, but only in his head.
Sighing, Brendon let Ryan in, leading him into the living room where he had been watching A Nightmare on Elm Street. They both sat on the couch, and Brendon only half listened to Ryan's story of some kid in Wal-Mart, appropriately named Tarzan, that tried to climb him like a tree.
"I'm not trying to make you feel bad, Bren," Ryan finally muttered, realizing Brendon wasn't listening.
"Then why are you doing this? Why are you even here?"
"Because I love you, Brendon."
Brendon let out a slow breath, closing his eyes and bowing his head, fingers sifting through his hair. He knew Ryan loved him; he wasn't an idiot. In fact, it was part of the reason Ryan and Jon had left; because Brendon told Ryan it would ruin the band. And, you know what, fuck Ryan for being so stubborn, actually listening to him for once.
But Brendon didn't love him back, at least not in the way Ryan wanted him to. The whole point of New Perspective was to let Ryan know that.
"I know you don't feel the same way, I know that Brendon, you never have. But I know how you do feel about me. It's all over your new song, you can't hide it."
"You think it's going to make anything any better? Because it won't, Ryan. No matter how much you love me, no matter how fucking hot I think you are, you're not going to want to keep it just physical. That's why I stopped it at one. I shouldn't have even given you that." Brendon sighed, looking over at Ryan. "You're still my friend, okay? I don't want to see you get hurt, especially by me. I'd have to beat the shit out of myself."
Brendon silently wished Ryan could just forget him. Maybe there was a company that would do that, like in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Maybe then this wouldn't be so fucking difficult.
Ryan rested a hand on Brendon's shoulder, one of those unreadable smiles tugging at his lips. "You haven't hurt me yet, Bren."
Brendon smiled a little as well. "It's sure as hell not from a lack of trying."
"I know."
They sat like that for a few minutes, Ryan's hand still on Brendon shoulder, the air around them easy, friendly. Just like old times.
"Hey, you wanna go somewhere? Get the hell out of here?"
Ryan looked at him, calculating. A slow grin appeared on his face. "Yeah. Yeah, sure."