[OOC] How many Germans does it take to make a funny joke?
OOC;
name: LORD BEAUFIN VAN DER PORN.
e-mail / IM: RIGHT HERE.
IC;
nation: Federal Republic of Germany; otherwise known as DEUTSCHLAND, FICK JA! Or something.
name: Ludwig R. Beilschmidt
nickname(s): Ludi, to family. His brother Gilbert has an odd habit of calling him "West." There's actually a story behind this, but Ludwig doesn't want to repeat it because it's Gilbert. And then there's things like Luddy, Lud, and Scary German, but no one ever calls him those. To his face.
age: 25
date of birth: May 23rd, 1985
hometown: Berlin, Germany
occupation: Style director for Euforia, a fashion magazine. It's not so much about "style" as it is directing, however, because the job calls for him to - amongst other duties - detail expenses, book appointments, and make sure everyone else is doing their jobs. (Perfectly.)
residence: A huge, fuck-off house near Shoreline, courtesy of one mafioso grandfather-in-law (soon to be, at any rate). He lives there with Feliciano, Gilbert, his three dogs, and Feli's army of sugar gliders.
family: His grandfather [Germania], and his older brother, Gilbert [Prussia]. Their mother died when Ludwig was too young to remember, and he avoids talking to their father out of respect for Gilbert. Oh, and that one schizophrenic grandmother that likes to take her clothes off in public. Yeaaah.
first impression: "He looks like he's into BDSM or something, doesn't he?"
❶ People are intimidated by Ludwig. Period. He doesn't even need to open his mouth - which more often than not doesn't help give him a warm and fuzzy demeanour because his voice is deep as hell and authoritative. His figure alone is enough to either frighten a person or at least make them think twice about putting use to their gym membership: he towers over almost everyone he knows and is in peak physical condition.
He tries to come across "casual" at work by wearing colourful polo t-shirts but either looks incredibly ill at ease (his shirts generally look a size or two too small, especially around the biceps) or... gay.
❷ But make no mistake about it, Ludwig is no meathead. Despite his size and his, ahem, enthusiastic fondness for exercise, he's more than capable of holding a conversation that doesn't consist of weights and protein shakes. In fact, Ludwig is pretty brainy and technologically savvy. He's prone to barking out orders all the time sometimes. It's not his fault he was born to take charge and lead all the little people....
❸ Which is why he's really confused as to where his life went wrong. He majored in business back in college and could have been an entry-level manager or a human resources specialist directly after graduation, well on his way to nabbing an M.B.A for himself and living the good life. Instead? He works for Euforia. Which perhaps wouldn't be too bad if it wasn't a magazine directed toward style-conscious young women, and if he wasn't the epitome of masculine German stereotypes, or insecure about all of that.
❹ But he does his job as well as he does any job - damn well. And probably way too seriously. Ludwig prides himself on his efficiency. He's never missed a deadline and wouldn't take a sick day unless he was physically subdued and maybe locked in his bedroom, but the only people physically big and strong enough to do that are his own family members. Unfortunately Naturally he expects the same amount of efficiency and dedication from his subordinates.
❺ If there's one thing he absolutely despises, it's laziness. He tries to not be hard on the punctuality of his co-workers (as in, not snapping at people for being two minutes late to the office), but slackers are his worst enemy. The one person that seems to be completely immune to his intimidating appearance and drill-sergeant-like barking that would normally light a fire under someone's ass is the incredibly lazy Italian intern.
❻ Except Ludwig is kind of sort of in love with that lazy Italian intern, even if he eats pasta constantly, or invades Ludwig's personal space, or predictably screws up at work all the bloody time, or leaves his underwear on Ludwig's desk and calls it a "present." He tolerates Feliciano a lot more than he lets on. The fact that they're now an "item" doesn't actually make Ludwig any less awkward around the younger man. Intimacy is not his forte.
❼ Funny thing is, he doesn't really have any problem looking after his brother. His older brother. Here, "looking after" is loosely translated to: making dinner, picking his brother's underwear off the living room floor, buying him beer, and, no surprise, keeping order. It's no secret that their father prefers the younger Beilschmidt, a touchy subject that not even Ludwig knows the depth of. Gilbo's family nickname, for instance, is "Backpfeifengesicht," German for a face badly in need of a fist; Gilbert is blissfully unaware of this.
❽ But he worries. A lot. In fact, Ludwig worries so much about everything that it's practically like a second full-time job. His days are filled with internal mini-panic attacks about bills, family, his job, Feliciano, the dogs, ad nauseam. It's why he insists on planning out every last detail in his daily planners, and why he takes it so hard when things fall woefully short of his meticulous programs. He takes particular joy in correcting the mistakes of others.
❾ Ludwig is on a neverending quest for the perfect bargain. He's always looking for a good deal, even if he's comfortable enough in his career to easily splurge. As soon as he does purchase something he's had his eye on, however, he's still not happy - somewhere out there, there was a place selling what he needed at a better quality and cheaper price.
❿ Whilst he's not completely terrified of marriage and commitment (LIKE SOME PEOPLE - YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE), Ludwig has never been in a serious relationship. He just claims he doesn't have that kind of time for other people because he's so focused on his job, and yes, it would seem that all he cares about is his career and family and, oh, the dogs, and.... Fitting Feliciano into the equation is challenging, to say the least.
⓫ Foaming mugs of beer, potatoes, and wurst are some of Ludwig's favourite things in life (not to mention his three lovely dogs, Blackie, Berlitz, and Aster, but we're talking about things he'd actually eat here...). Call it cheesy, but foods like that do remind him just a bit of home and his childhood. He will be personally insulted if you openly voice your dislike for any of the above - just look at it like this, 78% of Germans consider going to drink beer their favourite leisure activity. That says everything. Lass uns anstoßen!
⓬ Germans are said to have a fantastic sense of humour. Ludwig... is not one of those Germans. More often than not jokes - especially lewd ones - go right over his head or make him feel incredibly uncomfortable. He's sort of under the impression that everyone else is a pervert, even though Feliciano inadvertently spread rumours about him being into BDSM and a leather daddy or something at the office. Not true, by the way.
SECRET: Back in his college days, Ludwig needed money. Fast. With little help from his family in Germany to further his education and with odd jobs not cutting it for school and living expenses, he stumbled upon a new career quite unrelated to the business degree he was working toward: male modeling. It's something he's deeply ashamed of (because he was generally shirtless and/or in underwear), but for some reason he still held onto those old photographs.