16.2.79
Usually, I love provocative questions - ones that get under your skin and won't leave you alone for a moment so as to allow your brain to flitter on to another thought process. This one, cleverly chosen by whomever decided that Diagon Alley was their canvas, is one such question. However, I don't know if I truly want to ponder the answer that springs first to my mind - the answer that doesn't give a damn that I am the answer for innocence people and those who can't fight on their own against this...pestilence of bloodlust.
Because my answer is no one. No one is protecting me, myself, from what's out there, this invisible evil that seems to be sliding and oozing into the very fabric of our government and our way of being. I am courting the very danger I eschew from the top of my meager soap box. Why do I feel the need, the driving, relentless need, to chase after it? Is my life so dull that I need to purposefully risk my wellbeing and the wellbeing of my family and friends? Am I that selfish?
Yes...and no. I'd like to think more no than yes, but - just how much of that is my sin trying to justify itself before a nameless God? What will it take before I cry uncle and demand to be released from the hell I have created for myself?
Because this is hell - an utterly impenetrable darkness with no hope of salvation. And we, the bold braggarts who dare defy the night, are sent as wrathful archangels to thrust the demons back into their pit to suffer the very same tortures they inflict on the innocent. What renown is there in fighting for a house that is already burnt to the ground - a country who is afraid of its own shadow and too prideful to ask for help?
There are, of course, murmurings of despair - whispers that we can't defeat the evil and that we should just surrender so as to avoid more bloodshed. Obviously these people are blinded by their despair - anyone who's read a history book knows that quiet surrender does not ultimately bode well. Open rebellion is just as risky - that is, if you can find willing participants who care not a whit for living in fear and desire the future of the world to be better than their own present. People yell and gesticulate wildly about creating a better tomorrow, but where are those people when push comes to shove and decisive action must be made with no hesitancy, no doubt?
Where do I stand? Do I continue to follow a corrupted and compromised government, with the hope that in time the world will right itself? Do I utterly rebel, and find ways to fight in my own way? Is there a path between the two? My heart tells me that there is such a path, but I simply haven't found it for the forest that surrounds me.
I cannot stay still. I cannot keep waiting in silent hope that good will triumph over evil without doing my part to assist that which I believe to be good. I cannot linger in the shadows of my own cowardice and self-preservation. If I'm going to live my life, it is going to be a good life - free of fear and terror and monsters that go bump in the night.
I know that you think me a bit green and inexperienced, but I hope that you will not dismiss me straight out of hand. I am struggling to find purpose in doing my job as directed. That is not to say I will stop doing my job, but I have spoken with Frank - whom I trust implicitly - and he values your guidance very highly. I hope that in time, you may come to trust me as you do him. I am in need of your guidance, sir, and do hope that if you have any to spare - any at all - that you will be patient enough to share your wisdom. You know better than most what it is that we face and for that, you have my deepest respect.
If there is anything that the trust you have in me will allow you to let me do, please know that I am up for the challenge.